Friday, October 30, 2009


Tomorrow is Halloween...and since I'm in a Michael Jackson kinda mood...why not?!

What ever happened to Ola Ray?

Michael Jackson was so cute!!! I'd watch MTV all day waiting for Thriller to come on. I didn't get tired of it then, and 25 years later, I still don't! RIP MJ!

Now...I'm not big on horror movies per se. I'll watch Halloween or I Know What You Did Last Summer, but those movies don't scare me. If anything, they just make me say under my breath, "Are you f*ckin' kiddin' me?" Why? Because they're all the same.

Why I Don't Watch Horror Flicks:

1. We all know the black guy is gonna die within the first 5 minutes of the movie. Well..maybe not anymore. Maybe they let him live until half way through the movie. But for the most part, he's a dead man. And it's always one black guy and/or girl with a group of white people. You'd never find a group of black people at Camp Crystal Lake where they heard 50 people were killed 100 years earlier. Never happen. He always dies putting up a fight though, right?

2. People always get killed while they're doing something fun and distracting - like drinking, smoking weed or having sex. How many times have we seen the monster go after the dude who's high off his rocker in the woods by himself, or stab a big ass knife through the bed to kill the unsuspecting couple doing the horizontal mambo? Or he catches them just as they're about to do it and takes an ax to the head of the girl in the lacy red bra as blood oozes down her cleavage. Gimme a break. The prudish, good girl never gets killed...ever notice that?

3. "What was that? Let me go see" - by myself of the dark. Why do white people go investigate strange the basement...or in the themselves? Let me tell you something, if it was a group of black or Latino people, we don't CARE what the noise was - we gettin' the HELL OUTTA THERE! Forget going to see what it is, we'll find out what it was later - RUN!! And if we MUST find out what that noise was, WE ALL GOING to see what it is...not just one person. And if we manage to get OUT of the house...there's NO WAY we're going back in. But nooooo, white folks just HAVE to either go see...or GO BACK and see. Later for all that! I'm out!

4. I wanna know how the killer always manages to cut the electricity off and disconnect the phones...and no one's cell phone ever works. "Can you hear me now?" NO! Wanna know why? Cuz no one brings a damn cell phone charger with them in the woods, and if they do, they're always some place where they can't get reception - so they can't call for help. Dumb asses. Yet, the killer always leaves the flashlights in place with the batteries in them. Yeah, ok.

5. There's usually a mirror scene. You know what I mean...the sexy girl is taking a shower and steams up the bathroom mirror. She rinses her face, puts her wet hair up in a towel, and then wants to see what she looks she wipes the condensation off the mirror only to find a creepy killer dude in a mask in the reflection standing there waiting to kill her...because of course she couldn't FEEL him or hear him sneak up on her.

6. If they happen to have a car, the car never works. They run from the psycho killer, turn the key and low and behold - the engine won't turn over. They're pressing their foot on the pedal, turning the key over and over again, but nothin'. The monster catches up to them and either yanks their stupid asses out of the car, or the car starts at the last minute and the killer is dragged 100 feet (but not killed), or he jumps on the hood of the car and jams a pitchfork through the roof and splits the stupid teenagers wig in half.

7. Speaking of the killer catching up to their prey - why is it that the killer is always WALKING and the dumb teenager is RUNNING, yet he always seems to catch up to him or her? The killer is never in a rush - taking his sweet ole time. Why? Because the victim will ALWAYS trip and fall and they NEVER get up in time to get away from the WALKING monster. Da f*ck outta here.

8. You know someone's gonna die because of the scary music. Like in Halloween, you KNEW someone was gonna get it when the creepy Mike Myers music started. Sometimes I'd wish the idiots in the movie could hear it so as to say, "You hear that? You gonna get it fool! Run!"

9. Oh, and that's another thing - fools yelling at the screen in the theater. And y'all might get mad, but I'm gonna say it anyway - it's always US black folk yelling at the screen. And I don't know why we do's not like they can hear us, and we know they're gonna die anyway! This is what we paid our money to see, right? Yet we always seem surprised or angry when white folks "don't listen" to us or the black guy dies. We KNOW better.

10. And last but not least, the damn psycho killer monster dude NEVER dies. He could be decapitated, knifed in chest through the heart, drowned or burned alive...and he WON'T die. How many times have they killed Mike Myers? Like...15? Dude, die already! We always see a hand reach out and grab someone from somewhere when they're supposed to be dead - and cue scary music and they can let us know that they'll be a Halloween 17. Some bullsh*t.

Okay, I'm gonna stop there, cuz I could be here for days talking about the parent who doesn't think it's weird that their kid has a creepy imaginary friend and talks through his finger talking about "red rum, red rum!"....see....there I go again. But you get my point. If your kid sees dead people, get the hell out!

I actually like suspenseful movies like The Sixth Sense rather than slasher, gory movies, but I refuse to go see Paranormal Activity. I have nightmares, and I'm not paying my money just to go home and be afraid of my own cat and the ghost that lives inside him. Yes, my mind will take me there.

Have a great, safe and fun Halloween. If you dress up, I wanna see pics!


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

"Start spreading the neeeewwwws....the Phillies SPANKED DAT ASS!"

Go Phillies! YEAAAAAHHHHH!!! that we got THAT out of the way... :-)

- I can't say it enough - Go see the Michael Jackson movie This Is It! I was transfixed from the moment he appeared on screen. I felt like I went to a concert last night! But more than that, I felt like I got to see a side of Michael that few are privy to. He was easy-going, yet a perfectionist, and commanded respect in the most humble way. The whole movie was a rehearsal, yet you felt like even with the lower production levels, dancers in sweats and MJ going through the motions that it was still something to behold. Like Rameer said, MJ was SICK. His 10% effort is another entertainer's 100%. I couldn't take my eyes off him - the entire audience was dancing and singing and cheering. I have to see it again...on IMAX!...and I have to take my nephew Kyce to see it. I'm sure it'll be an unforgettable experience that he'll cherish forever. I know I will. I still can't believe he's gone, but I feel like I got a chance to see him perform one more time in the days leading up to his passing. A must-see!...and make sure you stay past the credits!

- This was the hotness!

They all KILLED IT!!

- Female MC's...what ever happened to them?

Oh...that's right...they have anger management issues. SMH.

And just because...

"Ursher" is about to be single again...awww shucks! We already know he likes 'em a lil older, so watch out!

- Anyone wanna buy a Yankee Candle for Kyce's fundraiser? They're great, I burn them all the time - one of my favorite things! Hit me before tomorrow! Thanks for your support!

- Go see Precious next week...good film.

- I'm sure many of you have heard about this, but in case you haven't: Heather Ellis is a young college student in Kennett, MO who now faces 15 years in prison for cutting in line at a Walmart. To find out more about this case, please visit Pure fuckery.

- My candy jar is just about empty, but after I take Kyce and Ibrahim trick-or-treating this weekend, I'm sure it'll be full again on Monday!

- Is anyone dressing up for Halloween? If so, as what?

- Would it be wrong if a posted a pic of DMoe dressed as Easy E on my blog? :-)

- Sunday it'll be November...can't believe it. Don't forget to turn your clocks back!

- It's gonna be a straight Philly vs. New York weekend. The Phillies play the Yanks (tonight) Saturday and Sunday, Sixers play the Knicks on Saturday, and the Eagles play the Giants on Sunday! Love it!



Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Happy Rainy Hump Day!

(well, in the NYC anyway)

Michael Jackson movie tonight! Woo-hoo! Game 1 of the World Series tonight! Woo-hoo!

So, like I do every morning, I'm listening to Hot97. The morning jocks are talking about men and women and double standards. The one male jock (Cipha Sounds) says he knows he applies a double standard to women - and has no problem with it. The other male jock (Rosenberg) says that he doesn't, and will never, hold his woman to a standard he's not willing to hold to himself.

Cipha Sounds called him a liar :-)

Now, we'd all like to live in a world where everyone - black, white, male, female - are all treated equally. Equal opportunities, equal pay for equal work, women ask men out just as often as men ask women out, and men and women's shoes all cost the same :-)

However, that's not the world we live least not yet anyway.

Cipha Sounds said that he doesn't like for his woman to have male friends or talk to her exes, even though he has female friends and talks to his exes all the time.


"Because I know men...that's why."

Well, by that same logic, wouldn't that imply that HE has some shady motivations behind why HE has female friends and talks to his exes?

"YES! Because I wanna smash!"

Well, at least he's honest :-)

While I won't assume all men think this way, I will say that there are plenty of double standards applied to both men AND women. Feel free to add your own:

Double Standards Applied to Women:

1. She shouldn't talk to or be friends with any of her exes, even if her man can. Why? Because she's vulnerable - and the minute she has a weak moment after an argument with her NEW man, he'll swoop in and grab the panties.

2. She can't have male friends. Why? For the same reason. All men wanna hit it, and they're just waiting for the opportune time to make their move - usually after her man messes up.

3. She shouldn't have had more sexual partners than her man. Why? Because that would make her a HO, that's why. A woman will rarely tell the truth when it comes to how many men she's slept with (if she tells you at all) - but if she DOES tell you, men usually assume it's 5 more than the number she gives you...and whatever the number is, it's usually too high for the man anyway.

4. She can't or shouldn't date more than one man at a time. If a man does, he's a P.I.M.P - and playing the field. If a woman does it, she's promiscuous...even if she's not having sex with any of the men she's dating. She's expected to sit at home and wait for the ONE dude she's seeing to find time to call her while he's dating 5 other women.

5. If a woman wants to spend more time with her man, she's clingy. If a man wants to spend more time with us, he's a "good boyfriend" - (or p*ssy whipped!) Ha!

6. If a woman dates a much younger man, she's a "Cougar." If a man dates a much younger woman, he's a "sophisticated older gentleman" and is envied by his peers.

Now, men...calm down. I wasn't gonna leave you out. There are double standards applied to men too...and there are similarities:

Double Standards Applied to Men:

1. A man can't be friends with his ex, but the woman can. Why? Because men are driven by their libido, and if he hit it once, he'll wanna hit it again. Men are not seen as beings who can control themselves.

2. A man can't have female friends, but the woman can. Why? Same reason. It's assumed that any woman a man is friends with is one that he was/is attracted to physically and wanted to have sex with at some point - he just ended up in the "Friend Zone" somehow. But given a chance, and knowing how conniving some bitches are, he'll hit it in a moment of weakness the minute you two have a fight...or even if you DON'T have a fight.

3. If a man has a low number of sexual partners, he's considered "inexperienced." While a woman doesn't want her boo to be a "man-whore," she will expect him to have been with enough women to put it down in the bedroom.

4. If a man doesn't have an orgasm while having sex with you, it MUST be because he has a mental block or erectile dysfunction. It can't be because the woman is wack in bed, or because he simply wants to please you. If it's not a mental block or erectile dysfunction, he MUST be cheating, because after all...a woman CAN'T be bad in bed. (insert sarcasm here)

5. If a man cheats, it's because he has an insatiable need for sex - not because something is missing in the relationship. If a woman cheats, it's because she's been neglected...but if men do it, it's because they're just sex-crazed assholes.

6. If a man wants to break up with his girlfriend, he's a jerk. If the girl wants to break up with him, it must be because he's a jerk :-) No-win situation. Women are the victims, never the CAUSE of the break-up.

There...I tried to keep it even :-)

I think if more men and women focused on each other and the relationship, rather than what was done in the past or what we assume will happen in the future, we'd all get along much better. I know this is an idealistic way of thinking, but it can happen - right? If you knowingly subscribe to a double standard, I dare you to be brave enough to admit it here. Go!


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Happy Tuesday!

So, I'm at work...working...and I attempt to send an email to a promo producer. His last name is "Snyder," I do with most of my co-workers, I start typing "S-N-Y..." in the "to" field of the email waiting for his name to magically pop up.


I type in his first name, and the only name that comes up has the last name "Lovelace."

I have no idea who that is, so I decide to look up "Snyder" in the employee directory.


Hmmm...where the hell is he?

I start asking around to see if he's left the company and maybe I just didn't know about it.

"Nope, he's here today...I saw him."

I explain that his email isn't coming up and that he's no longer listed in the company directory.

"Oh, you have to look him up under 'Lovelace' now...he got married."


Sensing my confusion, they explained that because his wife was an only child and the last in her family to carry the name "Lovelace," he agreed to change HIS name after they got married so that their son could carry on her family name. They had their son before they got married, and the son carries the mother's last name, not his.

Wow! How interesting!

I don't know too many guys who would have gone for that. Unless you hate your family and everything associated with it, I can't imagine why a man would change his name to his wife's family name instead of keeping the tradition of his own. I thought that was a selfless thing to do.

But how many of you (men) would do that?

I mean, it's one thing for your wife to hold on to her maiden name, but your child? Especially your son? I don't know one man who would go for that.

But, I actually think about that myself every once in a while. My father and his brothers all had daughters. None has a son. As far as I know, I'm the last "Dean" child in my family. My sister and female cousins either never carried the "Dean" name or have since married. My sister is now Nicole M. Dean Dahmani - no hyphen. And unless I never get married and have a child on my own via sperm donor or whatever, the "Dean" name will stop with me.

I can't imagine it being easy to give up your name...a name you've known all your life. I mean, after all, "Brooke Dean" just sounds so good together. It rolls off my tongue - short and sweet and to the point. I always thought my name sounded professional, or sharp, or smart...or just plain cool. Sure, when I had boyfriends, I'd put their last name after my first name to see how it would sound. I've dated guys with interesting last names, boring last names, long last names, short last names. I even dated a guy named Michael you can imagine my misgivings about EVER marrying him. I would sign my name over and over again, hyphenated and un-hyphenated, just to see if it "worked" - and none of the names sounded as good to me as "Dean."

Brooke Dean...the end of my family line - the name I say over and over again at work, in introductions, that I sign my checks with, my emails with, sign for packages with, sign in at the doctor's office with, that I see in credits...who I see in the mirror.

Brooke Dean is who I am. How do I give that away?

After hearing that my co-worker sacrificed his last name, it got me thinking if I'd ever meet a man who'd be willing to do the same thing. Would he allow me to keep my name? Would he have a problem with me keeping my maiden name for professional reasons? Would he object to me hyphenating it? What if he has a weird last name? :-)

I know most men would argue that their name should be taken so that the family will be a unit, and I get that. Some say it's tradition. "Family" I am very much attached to. "Tradition" on the other hand? Maybe not so much. Maybe in the case of Mr. Lovelace, we can start our own traditions :-)


Monday, October 26, 2009

Happy Monday everyone!

I had the BEST weekend! Spending time with my family always does my heart good. My nephew Ibrahim turned 3 years old, so Chuck E. Cheese was the hot spot yesterday :-) I wonder how many of you would come celebrate with me if I had a party there? Hmmmm....

I'd also like to take this time to congratulate the NY Yankees on making it to the World Series. I like the Yankees. I really do - BUT they will be playing against my hometown Phillies. I'll just leave it at that...don't start none, won't be none.

Now, today's topic comes via my friend Patrick's Facebook status. It reads: A woman inspires you to great things, and prevents you from achieving them.

Now, you can imagine the firestorm brewing in his comments section. Gross generalities usually generate that type of reaction. The women on the blog - myself included - QUICKLY jumped on this one.

Now, to be fair, I don't think Patrick TRULY believes his own status update. Personal circumstances make all of these types of statements relative. Patrick relayed a personal experience where a woman did something to him to keep him from achieving a certain goal. But VINDICTIVE women are one thing, a GREAT woman is another. His status SHOULD HAVE READ:

A woman can inspire you to do great things, but a GREAT woman will help you achieve them.

This can be said of both sexes.

Patrick said that a man has never done anything to hold him back, but he's sure that we women can think of plenty of other women who have done something to hold us back - be it a friend, a co-worker or a boss. As I stated in his comments section, that's rarely happened to me. Quite the opposite really.

I've had male supervisors who were great. But I've also had male supervisors who, while they thought I did a great job, never mentored, taught or groomed to me to get to the next level. They'd sing my praises all year long, but when it came time for my review, I was simply doing a "good job." I was doing what was expected - even though they knew that I performed above and beyond daily. It wasn't until a woman was charged with being my supervisor that I got a promotion.

From the beginning, she asked me what my goals were, where I thought I was in my career and how she could help me get to where I wanted to be. She acknowledges my hard work, always challenges me with new projects and encourages me to come up with my own ideas. Does she get on my nerves sometimes? Yes. Does she stay on top of me? Absolutely. And I appreciate that. It keeps me on my toes and makes me want to do better - if for no other reason than I know she expects great things from me. And she also realizes that if I do well, it makes her look good. Win-Win.

I say all of that to say, not all women want to keep each other down. Yes, there are catty, petty, back-stabbing women out there who don't want to see ANYONE succeed. I've never been in a personal relationship with one...and personal relationships and work relationships are totally different things. But in both, it's all about surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, who see your worth and potential, who believe in you, who genuinely want great things for you and will help you get them in life. Just like at work, personal relationships are a partnership. When one of us does well, we both win.

This isn't a man or woman thing - it's a PEOPLE thing. And if we're going to go there - women STILL get paid less for equal work in 2009 - so SOCIETALLY SPEAKING, men hold women back every day. These are rights we still have to fight for - and both men and women are vocal about it. But regardless of societal ills, these are not things we should be fighting for or against in our personal relationships. Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader.

Now, as the conversation progressed...Patrick being Patrick...said that he "heard" that women get paid less for equal work because (and I'm quoting here), "women are out of commission 'mentally' 3-7 days out the month. Period. Just what I've heard...I'm only the messenger."

Now...of course he realizes the absurdity in that statement - I think he just said it for sh*ts and giggles. But let's really examine what was said.

First of all, only a man would equate a menstrual cycle with a "mental affliction" - but let's say for the sake of his argument that it IS. Wouldn't the fact that we are still expected to come to work and perform up to par with them, even with this "mental affliction," suggest that we should get paid MORE?

I dunno...maybe it's just me. I never got a pass for not doing my work because I was on the rag.

As Patrick amongst yourselves on this one.



Friday, October 23, 2009

TGIF everyone!

I have a guest blogger today! He's guested before, so he's no stranger to Brookey's Cafe Blog. He's none other than E. Payne! who many of you already follow on his blog Makes Me Wanna Holler. This piece was actually written for - and I thought it was an interesting take on relationships and Facebook. Most of us are on some sort of social networking site, so chime in with your thoughts on this - whether your black, white, married, single, in a relationship or not :-) Let's go!

My Wife Is NOT My Friend (On Facebook)

by Eric Payne

On Facebook, my wife is NOT my friend. I un-friended her about two months ago. Not only did I not tell her what I did, but once she discovered we were no longer connected, I ignored her request to become my friend once more. Like her, I'm sure many of you are SMH, or rather shaking your heads, thinking, "How trifling is he?" My wife’s chief complaint was that she was my wife, how dare I not be her friend? Her being my wife is the very reason why I cut our virtual ties.

As the Internet landscape continues to be overrun with social networking platforms, Facebook, in this writer’s opinion, is unique in that it allows unrestricted access to your life. This can all be managed by adjusting your security settings and not going overboard with the comments, photos or anything else you choose to post, but for those people who are your friends, there are no areas of your virtual profile that are off limits.

I primarily use Facebook to promote my writing. But when I first signed up for the site, I used it to communicate with people I currently interact with in my life as an alternative to making phone calls. Then somehow people from college found me, then high school, then grade school. Then I got caught up with SuperPoke, YoutTube videos and everything else that makes it one of the largest distractions in existence. My wife joined the network about six months after I did and at first it was cute. We’d trade sweet nothings, verbal love taps and harmless snaps (something we’re known for) in our statuses. All of this occurred under the same roof and sometimes at the same time — she on the desktop computer in our dining room and me on my laptop.

It quickly stopped being cute for me once people, a.k.a. “friends,” started adding their two cents via the comments. It let me know that my Internet pillow-talk with the wife wasn’t pillow talk at all. It was broadcast news coming straight out of our home. Making matters worse, my wife hacked into my account more than once to change my statuses to proclamations such as, “I’m going to be nicer to my wife,” or “I definitely need to start recognizing what a great woman I have.” Practical jokes, of course, which might have been funny had they only been between she and I and not people I once sat across from in second grade.

If these incidents weren’t enough, we actually had some very strong disagreements over the tone of each other’s statuses on days when we weren’t getting along. Things really got ugly when I questioned the motivation behind certain comments from men I didn’t know on her photos or on her. As a man and a husband I believed I was within my rights to be protective of my wife. As a man, my wife thought I was being overprotective and making mountains out of molehills over friends from grade school and high school.

If you’re not yet tired from reading this, this writer was definitely tired from living it. Finally, it came to me late one night that there is too much out there pulling at the hearts and minds of married couples, mine included, to allow to the unexpected nuances of Facebook interactions to be added to the pile. Right then and there, I knew what I had to do. I went to my wife’s profile and clicked, “Remove From Friends” without hesitation. My wife initially thought I was punishing her when in fact I was protecting us, in this instance, from me. Now my wife and I exist as friends in the world that truly matters: The real one.

Do you “Facebook” with the one you love? If so, has social networking affected your relationship positively or negatively?


Eric Payne lives with his wife and two children and tackles married life and fatherhood as it happens to him at His writing can also be found at and His short fiction has appeared in Spindle Magazine and DiddleDog Magazine.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

How did it get to be October 22nd already?? Geesh! Oh! And Happy Birthday to my co-worker and friend Kimberly Williams! Kim, these two clips are for you!

And the HOT ish!

I can watch that over and over again - his "Bank Head Bounce" was sick! I still can't believe he's gone. Happy Birthday Kim!

- Is it bad that I woke up thinking about lunch? I cooked my lunch this morning and I already don't want it. That's a shame.

- Everyone in my department has been talking SO LOUD this morning...or just plain yelling. It's like they ALL have a hearing problem or something. I wish I could get away with putting my earphones on so I can drown them out! Or just go, "Shhhhhhh!!!!!"

- My candy jar was practically overflowing on Monday, now the sh*t is almost empty. These damn people take like 3-4 pieces at a time...and come back like 3 times during the day. That's it, I'm locking it up. No more candy til they start puttin' a dollar on it or sumptin!

- This guy on the train told me I had a nice complexion. I told him he did too and he looked shocked! When I asked if no one had ever told him that before, he said, "No, because I'm dark skinned." Huh? I explained to him that having a nice complexion has nothing to do with light or dark. A nice complexion is one that is blemish free, even toned, smooth texture...that sorta thing. You'd think I just cracked the Davinci Code or explained the Pythagorean Theorem. He said I made his day. Our issues with being color-struck still amaze me sometimes.

- Also on the train last week, I sat next to an Asian woman who was speaking German to her friend. I had never heard an Asian person speaking German, so I asked her if that was her native tongue. She said yes, and also said she spoke 6 other languages. Her name? Svetlana Han. I thought that sh*t was HOT! I'd love to be able to say I speak THREE languages, let alone SEVEN!

- I listened to The Deele, Kevon Edmonds, Donny Hathaway, Brownstone, Corrine Bailey Rae and Brian McKnight on my iPod this morning. Can't wait to read DMoe's playlist today to see if his songs are on the iPod he downloaded for me. I've had it on shuffle since he gave it to me so I can be pleasantly surprised on my commute to work.

- Coach keeps tempting me with 25% off "special invitations." Mine ends Sunday...what will I do?? I'll behave...that's what.

- Check out my friend Princess' blog!

- Please stop sending me Mafia Wars stuff on Facebook. I have no idea what it means or how to play. I wish I did, but I don't. Sorry!

- I literally spent an hour at work one day this week on the Witches Brew blog – I’m addicted!

- Read an article yesterday on the movie Precious – seems like it’s going to be a gut-wrenching film. I may attend a screening tonight - I hope my rsvp went through! In case you haven't seen the trailer:

- Don’t ask me cuz you already know the answer….Go Phils!!! I like the Yankees - a lot actually - but Phillies all the way!



Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

So...I'm on the train this morning, like always, and this woman and her teenage daughter get on. The daughter looks to be between 12-14 years old - kinda tall I think for her age, but young in the face. They sit directly across from me.

Girl: Mom, can I go to Julie's this weekend?

Mom: I'll think about it.

Girl: What is there to think about?

Mom: I'm not discussing this with you now.

Girl: WHY NOT!?

(mom looks annoyed, but keeps answering)

Mom: Because I said so. You shouldn't be going anywhere with your grades.

Girl: What's the big deal?

Mom: I said I'm not talking about it now.

Girl: You get on my fuckin nerves.

(girl puts on earphones and turns her back to her mother...mother just sits there)

Meanwhile, I'm waiting for this girl's head to fly. Since when was it okay to curse at your parents? Man listen...I would have been slapped into next week had I even thought about cussin' at my mother, let alone all the back talk that led up to it.

The mother looked at me embarrassed, but still didn't flinch when her daughter cursed at her. All I could sum up from that is that she's used to it. Clearly that wasn't the first time she cursed her mother, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

My sister and I never got spanked growing up. But we also knew better than to talk back or curse at or in front of my parents, or any adult for that matter. At 36 years old, I STILL don't curse in front of my mother, and I never plan to. But nowadays, it seems like kids are getting away with that and other rude behavior younger and younger.

Now, since I don't have kids, I won't say that what she SHOULD HAVE DONE is slap the taste out of her mouth...cuz...that would be wrong. She would think twice about doing it again, but these days, it's all about "time out." She would have at least gotten plucked in the lips...but that's just me.

It seems that when kids get away with this behavior early on, it only escalates as they get older. My nephew Kyce is starting to talk back, but you can tell he's not doing it to be rude or mean - he's just testing his boundaries to see what he can get away with. He sees these smart-ass cartoon characters saying these sassy things and wants to see if it'll work in real life. While some kids may seem smart, clever or witty when they say stuff like "duh auntie..." it's really not cute. Even if I want to laugh inside, I quickly let him know that sassy talk won't be tolerated and that he needs to learn to speak to adults in a polite and respectful way. I don't yell, and my first instinct isn't to knock him silly. It's to teach him what type of language is appropriate when talking to other people. He doesn't need a lecture, he just needs to be corrected. And he gets it.

I think most times kids WANT an adult to correct them, to enforce the rules and to basically "get-in-dat-ass" when they do something wrong. Pre-teens get to an age where they realize that their parents may NOT be right about everything, and sometimes they'll challenge you. But if you teach them from a young age how to speak to you, how to get their point across without back-talk or cursing, then they'll be able to question you and discuss things with you in a respectful way. If your child is 12 years old poppin' off at the mouth - IN PUBLIC - then chances are he/she was allowed to get away with that when they were 6. I don't care where we are - the mall, a restaurant, the movies, a game - if Kyce or Ibrahim talk back, they get the business right then and there. No "wait til we get home" - they're getting spoken to on the spot.

How you talk to children can also determine how they talk to you. Sometimes I hear kids out in the street cursing and carrying on, only to see their parents doing the same thing a few steps away. If you curse at your kids, they may curse back at you one day. You can't teach them that it's wrong if YOU do it all the time. And if you are constantly speaking down to your kids, are rude to them or disrespect them, it's hard to encourage them not to be the same way when that's all they know. Just because you are the parent doesn't mean it's okay to for you NOT set a good example. Most times, kids only do or say what they see or hear.

Okay, that's my rant for today. As I they got off a few stops later, I stretched my neck out to see if the mother was gonna give her a backhand for cursing at her on the train. But no such luck, the daughter just walked in front of her mother like she wasn't there. That girl got off easy, cuz if that was me, I would be sleeping with one eye open that night...jus sayin'.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Happy Tuesday everyone!

She hasn't guest blogged for me in a while, but I read her post on her Divine Wryte site today and wanted to share. I've had a similar post brewing in my head on this topic for a few weeks now, so it's right on time. I'll just add my 75 cents in the let's get to it!

Turning in My Player's Serena Wills

I know this piece is talking to either somebody or a few people...

When my friend Ethan (named changed to not put him out there) told me that he’s tired of all this dating and wants to settle down, I almost passed out. He’s truly attractive, and I’ve seen him grow over the course of our 20+ years of friendship. He loves women - all kinds - and they would flock to him. I mean, who wouldn’t? He’s smart, witty and charming. Great job, has his head on right and is learning from his mistakes. But he just wasn’t ready to settle down. As we sat on the phone, he laid out his master plan to me. I thought to myself, “My God, we’re grownups.” We want to have families, see each other blow up and live our dreams. I was still in shock that my brother is turning in the players’ hat for a wife. He’s been through a lot in his life. When he lost his Grandpa shortly after I lost mine, I felt his pain. His sound board was gone. All of the wisdom of listening to an elder man was silenced.

He never wanted his crew to see his pain but we knew he was hurting when he dropped off the face of the earth for a year. My Papa has been gone for over 8 years now and I still miss him. I wish I had the opportunity to ask him questions (especially in the dating department). I do through prayer, but there is nothing like hearing his voice.

Anyway, a few of my male friends are turning in those player hats (heck even some girlfriends of mine). They are tired of this crazy dating game, settling down for the one that brings them joy - and sometimes throwing in the cards cost a price. Some friends won’t and don’t want to understand. They are steadily tripping because they feel as if you are leaving them out in the cold. You don’t hang out in the clubs as much or at all, you prefer a lounge with a nice drink and conversation, your shirts aren’t as fitting but you still look good, etc. Men don’t deal with this as much (at least I haven’t seen the cattiness).

But even for dudes, they get the locked down jokes. Okay, so what you’d rather hang out with the wife instead of drinking brews with your friends. You start hanging out with men who are married like you and are done with clubbing and trying to get numbers at the end of the night. Sometimes friendships will come to an end. Paths won’t connect because a party doesn’t want to let you go, and if you love that man or woman then you have two choices - Tell them I’m sorry but I’d rather go club hopping and hang out with my peeps, or make your friends understand that this is a new chapter in your life. Either deal with it or don’t.

I’m personally happy for a few of my friends that are all in love, making strides to walk down the aisle sooner than later - because when I see them with their partner, I see nothing but love. We still hang out with each other and even go out. But I’ve grown as a person too; I don’t like the loud clubs as much. I like to chill over the weekend, go listen to a live band, open mic, etc. I even love going over my friends houses that are married and have kids (I swear they throw the best bar b ques and get-togethers). Secretly, they are an inspiration to me as I see a whole family get down and have fun but still want to involve their friends in their life. Turning in your player's hat, cards, black books, and everything is fine. It’s a signal that you are growing up and want to take life to the next stage - and this time with someone who you honestly love with all your heart.

As one of the pastors used to say in church back in Dallas, “All you single people who have friends getting married...don’t hate…motivate!” Everyone would crack up, but he had a good point. Look to them as a source of preparing for your future, and if you are a good friend then let them go and be with their loved one and not cause any drama. Appreciate that your player friend has handed in his/her badge and said…I’m done.


Monday, October 19, 2009

Happy Monday!

I could just crawl right back into bed and go right back to sleep. It took everything I had to get myself moving this morning. I had a fun weekend, but this cold is still lingering. Hopefully I can knock it out in time to celebrate my nephew Ibrahim's birthday this weekend!

So...I'm sure you've all heard this story by now. If not, here's a clip that sums up today's topic of discussion:

I don't really have much to say about this other than it never ceases to amaze me the racist things people say or do, yet they never want to label it "racism." I assume racism will always exist, but I guess I think people know better than to be racist out in the open. What people believe, say or do behind closed doors is their matter how right or wrong it may be. But to deny someone else their basic rights as Americans is just crazy to me, especially in 2009.

This guy says he's worried about "the children." Well, newsflash - there are thousands of children who are the children of failed marriages - even when both parents are of the same race...myself included. He didn't say he doesn't approve of interracial marriages because the children are confused, or because they lack self esteem because of identity issues. He said he didn't approve of interracial marriages because they don't last. I'm not sure where he's getting his stats, but half of ALL marriages fail...not just interracial ones.

Even if the stats DID support his argument, it's not the Justice of the Peace's place to police love and marriage. Making a marriage work is the responsibility of the people involved, no matter what race they are. Making sure your kids are happy, well-adjusted children comes from being loving parents, whether you're married or not. Interracial couples, most likely, have fought through the dirty looks, people snickering behind their backs as well as in front of their face - so if they made it so far as to decide to get married, the last thing they need is to have to fight for a marriage license. Leave the love to the couple, the rest will take care of itself.


Friday, October 16, 2009


I'm off today, but I didn't wanna leave y'all hanging. So here we go, Brookey's Friday Sexy Survey!

1. Do you think can fall in love with someone you're not sexually compatible with or who you're not attracted to physically?

2. If you and your spouse had a passionate, intoxicating love you knew would last ONLY until a child was born, would you have a child? Assume that after your child was born, your relationship would still be warm and affectionate, just not passionate.

3. If you could have Cupid shoot a magic arrow that would make any one person you chose love and adore you forever, would you? If yes, who would you pick?

4. Who initiates sex more often - you or your partner?

5. What is the most planning and energy you have ever put into a romantic event? Was it worth it?


Have a great weekend!


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

It's official: I have a cold. I've been fighting it off as hard as I could, but it's here...runny nose and everything. I guess I just succumbed: my mental powers couldn't hold it off any longer. I hate being sick!


- So, Roman Polanski...rapes a 13 year old and flees for you agree with Star Jones?

She has a point - they would have gone to get Spike's ass! LOL!!

- Did anyone catch the Mike Tyson interview on Oprah on Monday? I thought it was well done and that he was brutally honest. Take a look:

I was also a bit taken back at the audience's reaction when he said he wanted to "sock" Robin Givens. Now...I'm no Robin Givens fan...but I was just curious as to why that's funny?

- It's cold outside, and they FINALLY turned the heat on in my building...geesh!

- It's mid-October already, this year is flying by! It'll be Thanksgiving before you know it!

- I have to hide my candy when I go to a meeting or out to lunch. The people here are like VULTURES! Just ask me...and just take ONE!

- Looking forward to seeing Law Abiding Citizen this weekend - I like Gerard Butler...and of course Jamie Foxx :-)

- I wish I had a Snuggie on right now.

- I'm always fascinated by the show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. Like...really??

- I have a half day today and I'm off tomorrow - thank God!



Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

I have a guest blogger today - our very own DMoe. Seems my Celebrity Crushes blog sparked a lil something inside of let's see what he has to say, shall we? :-)

DMoe's "All Get-It" Team!

So, last week's "Celebrity Crush" blog got my gears turning. Brookey gave out awards to some players on her team - and in keeping with this theme, I'd like to introduce all of you to some thoughts I had earlier this morning (and often). I know we don't talk sports much here on this blog (and this is not directly about sports), but you'll soon get the picture hopefully.

As I was watching the Today Show (as I do most mornings after Sportscenter), I had a thought about a woman being interviewed about recent criminal cases.

That classic thought enters a man's mind ever so often - "she can get it." Ladies, we discussed your thoughts related to this last week - but feel free to adjust a bit of your thinking from last week, and start "admitting" to some of the guys you might not otherwise admit to getting a little moist over. Fellas, same goes for you with certain chicks.

In the interest of fun and fairness, I'm submitting my entries for Dmoe's "All-Get it" Team. Now, here are some quick notes on the concept - if you're not familiar with this expression, it simply means you'd get with this woman if you got your "shot." Fellas, this unknown hottie's bad day could very well become your great moment. It's all about serendipity, but you gotta believe it can happen.

Moving on...Dmoe's "All Get-it" Team is comprised of women who normally might NOT get a second glance on certain levels, but you say to your somewhat surprised self, "I do believe….SHE can get it...."

Disclaimer: These are NOT your Stacey Dash's, Vida Guerra's, Halle Berry's - etc. That's another squad - That's "The Dream Team" if you will.

This team is for the dark horses. These are the obscure choices, where you have found yourself with a strange admiration for a chick that's kinda hidden from the mainstream of "who's hot" to everybody - and who's hot to you. I've included their positions on the team just to point out their roles on my squad.

FYI - Try to give the details for your starting 5, because of course, we might not otherwise know who/where they are.

Here's my starting lineup

PG - Elisha Cuthbert (24)

This one's not really a reach, cuz if you google this chick, its obvious to all that Jack's daughter from 24 and Old School can get it. Thoroughly, with a capital "THO."

SG - Mariska Hargitay (Law and Order: SVU)

Now I don't watch Law and Order:SVU regularly, but there's something about this red-head's subtle, cool-azz demeanor as she takes down NYC law-breakers. She's got the patented "where did you bury the girl's body?" look on her face every episode - and its sexy. From her pants suits to the way she steps into the squad car - Mariska can get it!

SF - Maya Rudolph (formerly of Saturday Night Live)

Most comedian chicks might end up turnin' you off at some point, but she's got a real city girl vibe that kinda does it for me...along with the freckles. Come to find out, this is Minnie "Lovin you" Riperton's daughter? Bonus !!! Plus, whenever she's in ANY of her various characters, I'm thinkin...(you know)

PF - Jeannine Pirro (Legal expert/Defense Attorney)

If you ever get a chance, catch the Today Show at around 7:30am. That's (almost exactly) the daily time where they dive into the criminal cases making the news - little missing Haleigh, the Amanda Knox case, Erin Andrews' stalker, and the "Craigslist Killer" to name a few. Jeannine is the resident "older/hot" defense lawyer who's ALWAYS looking "extremely milfy." She brings an awesome pair of legs, along with playoff experience to the team. Yes fellas, (say it with me) "She can get it."

C - Sara Ramirez (Callie Torres on Grey's Anatomy) LOL. Again - this character rarely gets any real TV time on the show (from what I can casually tell) about her relationships with dudes, patients, her apartment, or anything else. I don't watch Grey's regularly, but when I do, I prefer Callie Torres. She's what you call, "the curvy chick," and I SOOOO dig that....even in scrubs - she can get it!

Reserves (2 players)

6th chick - Tanika Ray (Extra)

Bubblin' brown sugar celeb reporter who could EASILY start on someone else's "all-get it team." She might be worked in a trade deal for some high draft picks or other free agents, but for now, the entertainment show EXTRA gets some extra views when I'm looking for her appearances. This unknown hottie with the curly-top can get it!

7th chick - Monica Bellucci (The Matrix Reloaded)

The film trilogy that featured Keanu Reeves and Laurence Fishburne spawned a new way of action movie-making. It also spawned some other thoughts as I sat in the dark theater when this Italian hottie came on screen….LOL. Her sleek, sexy, mysterious ways immediately got me. However, I had to slow the Jones down a lil bit when she played Mary Magdalen in Passion of the Christ. BUT - don’t think for a second I wasn't "disrobing" this biblical siren in my mind as I watched history's greatest story unfold. Forgive me Lord…but yes, I was STILL thinking…"she can get it!"

Ladies and gentlemen, this was just a thought I had for laughs. Feel free to give me some feedback on my squad and submit your own...."All-get it team!"

This blog is adjourned.

Dmoe (Head Coach)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Happy Tuesday!

So, my friend Jay and his friends always seem to have these interesting, thought-provoking conversations. Today, he told me of one where his female friend wondered, “Is it ever okay for a man to ask a woman he’s dating for money?” Hmmm….

I don’t think there’s a yes or no answer to this – but rather one that is based on individual circumstances. But it does raise the question about romance and finances…and if the two should be kept separate. I think it depends on what stage of the relationship you’re in, even though some would argue that romance and finances should be kept separate well into marriage.

I’ve never had to share my money with anyone. I’ve never had to loan money to someone I was dating either, but I’m not sure that means that I never would. Even though my experiences in that area are limited, I can say I’ve seen women get played when it comes to money simply because they were too generous, or because they thought they could buy their man’s love.

I’ve also known women who wouldn’t date a man if he wasn’t able to provide for her as well as himself. I’m not saying they were gold diggers, but they weren’t messing with no broke men either :-) Were these women misguided...or realistic?

Let’s face it, most women want to be with a man who can provide for her and a potential family. I don’t think that’s a secret. So if you have a man who is constantly borrowing money from you, that’s not sending a secure signal. I think in a lot of cases, it’s not about money or how much he makes - but about responsibility. To most women, a man who constantly borrows money seems irresponsible, not just broke. I think women today feel that a lot of men nowadays have put the issue of responsibility on the back seat - and have no problem reaching their hand out for a $20 loan. I have friends who ask what a man’s credit score is, not how much money he makes. A man can make a modest salary and be responsible with his money, or he can make an exceptional salary and be completely in debt. For some, relationships are serious business - and if your partner in this business is irresponsible with money, it’s a business that is sure to fail.

However, it should be noted that women who only date men based on their pockets might be missing out on something – they don’t look much further than the surface. While I think it’s important to know how your partner uses and values money, I think the value of LOVE goes down when all we care about is a person’s finances. When all we care about is money, the depth and sanctity of love is tainted…abused even. I realize that the more serious the relationship gets, the more love and money are in close association - but love shouldn’t be measured by money or material things. Love should co-exist with them.

But if it’s still early in the relationship, and you’re not sure what to do – keep your money separate whenever possible. If you’re confused, keep it separate even to the point of splitting the bill at dinner unless he says he’s treating you. I know most women don’t like to do this, but if you work on separating finances early, it’s less likely to be a sore subject later. Not all circumstances call for this, but if money is your sole motivator, then keep it separate.

Do NOT ever, ever, ever co-sign for anything or buy something together – a car, a timeshare, a joint bank account, ANYTHING. Financial dependence breeds resentment, and eventually hostility. Women are good for this, and some of us are trained in this dependency role. Stop it! And keep your money in the bank.

But if you DO share an account and someone wants to break up – don’t TAKE anyone’s money and don’t GIVE anyone money. Take what’s yours and bounce. If they need money to move or take care of business, tell him or her to take out a loan or ask someone else. A lot of men and women think they can buy back someone’s love, which is a mistake. If the one you once adored is no longer in your life or you two are no longer a couple – avoid financial entanglements altogether. If YOU need money, get a part-time job, don’t ask your ex. It’ll just lead to resentment and blame later, and no one needs to deal with that.

This goes for both men AND women – if you can’t take personal responsibility for your own finances, you have no business messing around in someone else’s. Get your house in order and make sure they have their house in order too…then you can talk about inviting each other over :-)


Monday, October 12, 2009

Good morning Blog Family!

I am off today, as AETN is recognizing Columbus Day as a company holiday this year. It doesn't happen every year, but they guarantee us 11 company holidays a year - so another "more important" holiday must've fallen on a weekend or something.

While most of us don't complain when we have an extra day off, it's still important to understand the holidays that we "celebrate." Outside of religious holidays, most of us don't give these days much thought. A past guest blogger, Ox, posted this on the SU Blackbook this morning and I'd like to re-post it here. Just in case you forgot who Christopher Columbus was....

Kids study dark side of Christopher Columbus:

http://www.tennesse 20091012/ NEWS04/910120337 /1970/Kids+ study+dark+ side+of+Christop her+Columbus

Don't be a flower pot head, and not tell your children the truth about this Christopher Columbus character. For more detail, read A People's History by Howard Zinn.

Here is the whole book online for free..

http://www.historyi saweapon. com/zinnapeoples history.html

And here is the chapter on Mr. Columbus:

http://www.historyi saweapon. com/defcon1/ zinncol1. html

- Ox

Thanks Ox!


Friday, October 9, 2009

TGIF everyone!

When I woke up, I still hadn't had a blog topic to share today. As always, I was listening to the radio, and something they were discussing sounded like it might make for an interesting discussion. Until I turned on the tv...

Barack Obama won what??

I felt this overwhelming feeling of pride and happiness for him. I always imagined that he'd win one over the course of his political career...but wow! So soon?

I waited to hear what he had actually won for - not that I didn't think he deserved it - I just wanted to hear why the prize was awarded to him.

Headlines read:

Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize

President Barack Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize on Friday for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples," the Norwegian Nobel Committee said, citing his outreach to the Muslim world and attempts to curb nuclear proliferation.

The stunning choice made Obama the third sitting U.S. president to win the Nobel Peace Prize and shocked Nobel observers because Obama took office less than two weeks before the Feb. 1 nomination deadline. Obama's name had been mentioned in speculation before the award but many Nobel watchers believed it was too early to award the president

Ah...let the hate begin.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think it can be a fair question to ask what he's done to deserve it. He's got 9 months under his belt, and it's a bit premature to determine if he's lived up to his "Yes We Can" speeches. We have every right to question what he's done for the United States.

But what I believe he's done for the WORLD is much greater. I think people underestimate just how powerful a little HOPE is. The world is watching him, not just us. His success here is just as important to the citizens of the world as it is for the citizens of the United States. Why? Because he represents more than just a leader of a country. He presents what can happen and what can be overcome with courage and faith. He represents hope and change for ALL people, not just us.

Some are saying he won because of his extraordinary speech to the U.N. This may be true. His speech called on us all to accept and work with people all over the world. His message was that ALL people matter, regardless of race or religion, and that we should work together to be great citizens of the world. Yes, he's a rock star in Europe. They adore him in Africa, obviously. But isn't that how it SHOULD be?

Bush never went out of his way to work with anyone but his wealthy cronies, alienating everyone else in the process, bulldozing his way around the world - diplomacy be damned. I guess the Oslo committee recognizes that President Obama's heart is in the right place - and now they're calling on him to live up to his promise of mutual interest and respect.

But aren't we ALL doing that? Isn't that what we wanted him to do BEFORE he was awarded this prize? Sure, I *heart* President Obama (never get tired of saying or hearing that) just as much as the next person. But I do want him to live up to his promise of change - and I have no doubt that he will. We were already calling on him to be great, so whether he received this honor prematurely or not, he knows that he has a great responsibility to live up to everything that he is. He knows that he has to CONTINUE to be great. And he knows the world is watching. That burden of expectation has never changed.

Some are saying that the prize has become politicized, and I wonder now if Pres. Obama feels that receiving this award would somehow be a liability. But in his speech this morning, he graciously and humbly accepted the award as a call to action and to someday to be worthy of the company he now keeps.

What people (read: haters) fail to realize is that this award was given for what he represents and is striving to well as what he has already done.

What has he done?

He has transformed a whirlwind of despair into a warm and reviving breeze of hope. In the shifting sands of time and the uncertainties that darken our days, he accepted the challenge to walk a path in his life without the fatigue of pessimism, and he carries the weight of our fears on his shoulders. He has mastered fear through faith - yet doesn't offer us an illusion of a life that is exempt from challenges. Rather he instills in us the inner equilibrium needed to face challenges, burdens and fears that inevitably will come. He assures us that through our own personal responsibility (and belief in a trustworthy God), all of these challenges can and will be met. This award is aspirational, and all those who hate on him day in and day out don't get it.

Here's the reality. Hate and bitterness can never cure fear - but faith can. Hatred paralyzes life, but faith releases it. Hatred confuses life - faith and hope harmonize it. Hatred darkens life. Only love and hope can illuminate it. Barack Obama has the cosmic sustenance needed to remind us that our goal is not to be rid of fear and hatred, but to harness and master it. The confrontation of it grants him power to reach across the American "skyline" into all corners of the world. He was rewarded for the message he sends and the ideals he represents - that our success in life isn't individual - or American. He shares this award with all of us around the world, as our actions and practices have to bring about the outcome we ALL desire, not just what we want him to do for US. His star is already bright, and becomes brighter through right actions. Rather than try to dim his light, we should congratulate him and celebrate with him so that it does not lose it's glow.


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Good morning everyone!

I know it's Random Thoughts Thursday, but I wanted to use this time and space a little differently today. On October 8th, 2008 - one year ago - I posted my first blog. Can you believe it's been a year already!? Time flies when you're having fun!

Many of my friends and family had been urging me to write a blog for a long time, but I never really considered it for a number of reasons. I thought no one would want to read my views, thoughts, opinions, musings, rants, lectures, ramblings - basically anything I had to say. I thought I wouldn't have anything to write about, especially on a day-to-day basis. I didn't think anyone but my closest friends and family would read or appreciate it. And most importantly, I didn't think my writing was even good enough to present to anyone.

At first, I felt I lacked the discipline or the temperament to write, especially everyday. Yet, I was fighting my own impulse to write, which is silly now when I look back on it. I'd write a poem or short story here and there, take a pen to paper at a moment's notice, or simply outline an idea in my head. But I let that desire to write become dormant in my spirit, simply because I didn't think it was "important."

When my friends and family asked me to start a blog, I viewed the sheer notion of that as egoism. I thought those who write blogs and columns, etc. were into it merely to appear clever, to be talked about, to seem important, to be considered smart or to be remembered when they die. Okay, that was a bit extreme...but you know what I mean :-)

But what I have found out about myself over the past year is that I love the sheer aesthetic of writing - the perception of beauty in words in their right arrangement. I love the poetry of it. I love the power that the written word has in making us laugh, making us cry, uplifting our spirit or getting us all riled up. I find pleasure in the impact of one word over another, in the firmness of good prose or the rhythm of a good story. And it feels good to give in to the desire to share an experience or a thought that I feel is valuable enough not to be missed.

So here I am. Here WE are...a year later. Not only do some of you care what I have to say, you give me feedback. You offer up your thoughts, entertain my rants, debate me, co-sign me, enlighten me and inspire me. You are the highlight of my day, and you all make me want to write better, as well as be a better person.

Because of all of you, I aspire to be more creative. You make me think, you keep me on my toes, you don't let me off the hook, you challenge me, I learn from you, you broaden my horizons and you make me laugh. All of those things, if nothing else, are reason enough for me to continue writing.

I want to thank all of you who read and respond, who give constructive criticism, who suggest blog topics, who have guest blogged for me, who forward my blogs or re-post them on Facebook. I want to thank you all for encouraging me, supporting me, and making me feel like I actually write anything worth reading. You have no idea how much you've enriched my life, because part of my motivation to write comes from people who tell me I should keep it up - whether anyone reads or not. However, I appreciate that you all DO read and share everyday, and I hope we can continue on this journey together until...whenever :-) Thank you so much!

Now…onto Random Thoughts Thursday…Go!


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

After yesterday's lively discussion, I'm not sure I even have the brain cells left to tackle today's blog. Good ole Rameer sent this to me on Facebook and suggested it as a blog topic, so ladies and we go:

Now, first...ladies....BREATHE. It's gonna be alright :)

And for you men - stop beating your chests and calm down.

Let me just say for the record that I understand very well that this woman's mission is to sell her book. I get that. So she may be saying some stuff even SHE doesn't subscribe to - or practice. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't...who knows. But I don't want to blindly assume that she's completely genuine in her v-blog.

But she DOES seem to have a following - and there are plenty of women out there who believe everything she says and puts it into practice.

I guess the first thing we should do is define submission:

Submission: (1) the act of submitting, yielding, or surrendering; (2) the quality or condition of being submissive; resignation; obedience; meekness; (3) the act of submitting to the authority or control of another: "Oppression that cannot be overcome does not give rise to revolt but to submission" (Simone Weil); (4) the condition of having submitted to the power of someone else; (5) the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant.

By that definition, being submissive doesn't sound like a good thing. That's probably why it seems a bit oxymoronic to state that your POWER lies in submission -when that very definition seems like the antithesis of power.

Personally, I think she's misusing the word. I think there's a difference between creating a loving home, and being submissive. I understand the idea of "traditional" roles - but I don't think that necessarily gives way to submission. I think men and women can be partners in life - mirrors of each other that reflect our best selves. That requires two WHOLE people to come together who are willing to compromise and make sacrifices equally. A perfect partner is not one who will subjugate him or herself to you, is not someone you can control or who will never disagree with you. A perfect partner is one who is respectful of your individuality and who you can trust to challenge and stretch you in ways that help you and allow you to grow.

I did agree with something she said - I believe women are the foundation of the home, while men are the structure. I believe that our power lies - not in submission - but in our ability to nurture, be strong, be smart, emotionally resilient, caring, and in touch with ourselves while having our finger on the pulse of the world around us. Men and women are different - but not one is superior to the other.

Now, let's say for the sake of argument I'm wrong in the meaning of "submission." Let's say it means you follow your man's lead as he is the head of the household. Let's go further to say that your religious beliefs teach you to be submissive.

The bible uses the word submit for the wife AND the husband. They are to submit to EACH OTHER. Due to the widespread belief in and adherence to Christianity in the Black community, Black men in particular are big proponents of the idea of submissive women - especially if they feel powerless out in the world. The one place they feel they should be powerful is at home. I get that...makes sense I guess.

But it's a false sense of power. And subconsciously I think most men aren't attracted to women who don't think for themselves, have no opinion of their own, cannot contribute ideas and who go along with everything they say. And if he does want a woman like that, it's usually because he's lacking in some way of his own. His confidence and feelings of adequacy are fed by a women who yields completely to him. However, a man should realize that he can have a women who adores and nurtures him and their family completely when he understands that integrating two lives into a whole is greater than the sum of its parts - equal parts.

One of the male posters to her v-blog wrote this in response:

"While a woman submissive (or possibly more accurately nurturing) to her husband and household can be a beautiful and wonderful thing under the right conditions, sadly, there are plenty of no good men willing to take advantage of this. Any relationship should be give and take, and a man should be willing to accommodate the wants and needs of the woman in his life as well as his own. Open communication and sometimes a little compromise go a long way toward maintaining a healthy and loving relationship. It simply cannot be a one way street. A confident self-assured man does not want a woman to submit nor subjugate herself to him. The confident man embraces his woman as an equal partner. He is openly proud of her and acknowledges her skills and strengths as she acknowledges his. These two form a powerful, mutually enriching, mutually supportive team where the lead is taken by one then the other as their skills, education and experience dictate. Neither is relegated to a box based strictly on gender."

And enduring loving relationship demands that both men and women understand that the relationship itself is wiser than either of them individually. Relationships are more artful, and less didactic. It doesn't control, but rather leads us to discover, and challenges us to expand the sphere of our love beyond ourselves. Our power lies in mutual respect. Our power lies in our sense of accomplishment and the benefit we bring to our family, our community and the world. As women, our power lies in our resilient spirit, our joyful heart, our intelligence, and in our divine soul. The only power that lies in submission is our submission to God.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Okay, so read that title correctly. And you can probably guess what today's blog topic will be about. If you're squeamish, then just log out now and come back tomorrow :-)

Yolanda pretty much dared me to write about this. She and I were going back and forth on Facebook about how freaky our future baby daddy is. If you're late to the discussion, I'm talking about Maxwell. During his concerts, he says some pretty colorful things. Things like, "and when we wake up, I'll still be inside of you" and "I don't care what time of the month it is, I'll just put a towel down."

It's that last comment I'd like to discuss today...especially since Yolanda pointed out, "Now THAT'S a blog topic!"

I laughed at first, thinking I'd NEVER write about partners having sex while the woman was on her period. We'll call her period "Aunt Flo" for the sake of this blog. Again, if you're a out! :-)

But then I thought about it and decided to give it a try. Why? Because I'm at my HORNIEST during that time of the month. I know, I didn't need to know that - but what is today? RIGHT! It's TMI Tuesday!

I will admit, I've had sex when Aunt Flo was in town. I haven't done that in a LONG time, but I have. Some men won't come near a woman during Flo's visit - and I get that. If I were a man, I might get a bit freaked out too. After all, when we see blood, we think someone is hurt or injured - so freaking out is a natural reaction of fear in us...especially if we're not expecting to see it. Females are the only creatures on earth who can bleed for 3-5 days and not die!

Other times, it can be because a man feels like there is something shameful or gross about menstruation in particular, which while common enough to call normal, tends to be based in a lack of acceptance of women's real bodies - as well as very outdated and uninformed ideas about women and menstruation in general.

Those attitudes aren't just limited to men. Some women feel embarrassed about or ashamed of Aunt Flo, or just feel that menstruation is a time they'd rather spend alone for any number of reasons - from religious or spiritual beliefs to a preference to just lay on the couch, eat a pint of ice cream and watch movies rather than having sex.

But that's not me. Women often experience high levels of arousal during menstruation because of decreased estrogen in their bodies at that time - so maybe that's why I'm a horny nut basket when Aunt Flo is paying me a visit. Maybe on the first day I'd prefer to be left alone. Actually, it's probably best that you don't see me. I get debilitating cramps, and I'm usually in a fetal position most of the day. However, if my cramps have subsided by day 2, but are still mildly present, sex knocks them right out! After all, cramps are caused by the contraction of what better way to alleviate the pain than by WORKING those muscles? :) A good orgasm can actually help with cramps...that is if you can find a man willing to give you a good one! I found that having had sex during menstruation actually made my flow end faster. And sometimes it stops all together! Sweet!

(still with me...or are you getting woozy yet?)

Ahem...moving right along.

I know what most of you are thinking - sex during menstruation can be messy. You're right. It probably is. As Martin Lawrence said - it probably looks like a crime scene when you're done. The trick is to put down dark towels...that way you don't see it and it doesn't freak you much. But you know what? Sex is usually already messy in some way - at least the kind I have. What I mean by that is with most kinds of sex, we're already dealing with fluids (and some lubricants) that will often stain sheets or clothing - so adding Flo to the mix is just a little...extra.

But if you're truly worried about coming in contact with Aunt Flo, use a diaphragm so that it'll contain flow during sex without obstructing the vaginal opening. Poof! Flo is least for a little while anyway. Just remember to take it out!

Another added bonus for some women who chart their fertility is that they know that during menses, they as individuals (remember, all our cycles are different) are far enough away from ovulation that there is a low risk of pregnancy. Just that peace of mind adds to their enjoyment of sex if they can decrease their concerns about getting pregnant - unlike that poor woman who got pregnant WHILE she was ALREADY pregnant. Buffoonery.

Okay, I think I've traumatized you all enough. I tried to be as tactful as possible about a subject I'm sure we've all talked about at some point or another. Just remember, whether you're a man who has no trouble running red lights...and you're a woman who has no problem letting him - ALWAYS use a condom. Some sexually transmitted infection risks can be higher for partners during menstruation - particularly for blood borne viruses like HIV or Hepatitis. So while safe sex is always important - it can be especially important (particularly with more casual partners or with new sex partners) - for sex while Aunt Flo is in town.

I usually just have to suffer and entertain that bitch til she leaves...but I'm always glad to see her :-)


Monday, October 5, 2009

Happy Monday everyone!

They've been working me to death since I got in! Sorry for the delay, but hey - better late than never right?...maybe? :)

First things first - Happy Birthday to the best sister in the world! MY SISTER! I love you Nicole - my life is blessed because you are in it!

So yes, I'm still swooning after my wonderful weekend. For those of you who are not my friends on Facebook, you missed my status updates telling everyone how much I had a great time at the Maxwell concert Saturday night with my mom. While I wasn't quite close enough to throw my panties on the stage, trust me when I tell you - I thought about it :) Good thing Ma Dukes was with me to keep me sane, otherwise I might have tried it. I have a good arm...they just might have made it to the stage :)

Celebrity crushes should usually end by age 18, if not sooner. But some celebrity crushes have managed to creep up on me well into my adulthood. Maxwell is definitely one of them. I mean...I'd have his baby - a whole GANG of his snotty nosed, rusty behind chi'rens! I realize this may mean I have to share him with Yolanda, but so be it. That man just moves me - and I'm not alone in my shame :)

But Maxwell isn't the only man that moves me when it comes to celebrities. Since my head is still in the clouds, I'll give you a list of my celebrity crushes - past and present.

Childhood Celebrity Crushes

- My first crush - and one that continues to this day - was Michael Jackson. He moonwalked into my heart at the age of 10 as he performed on the Motown 25th Anniversary Special. I've been in love ever since...and my heart still misses him.

- Prince. I loved him because he could walk in heels, wear eyeliner and do splits. I didn't realize at such a young age I was taken with a FREAK! I don't think I understood what I was looking at back in the 80's, but as a full grown woman, I can TOTALLY appreciate it NOW! I'd tear his little ass UP!

- Ralph Tresvant. I know, I know...not cool now. But back THEN? Man listen. Childhood crushes are usually void of the gaydar response, so his fruity singing voice and jheri curl didn't come off as "sissy" to me - just cool! But then again, their voices were changing since they were kids give me a pass :)

- Theo Huxtable aka Malcom Jamal Warner. Now, I put Theo instead of MJW because I didn't actually have a crush on MJW - I was in love with the CHARACTER Theo. I could separate the two back then...and I can now. Malcom Jamal Warner is SO NOT sexy to me on his own - and definitely not as an adult. But Theo was adorable!

- Will Smith. Now, he's yummy as a young'n AND as an adult - but in totally different ways. I adored his goofiness as a kid, but I LOVE his sexy as a grown ass man - big ears and all!

then...and now!

Adult Celebrity Crushes

- Maxwell. Nuff Said.

- Michael Jordan. I'd lick his chocolatey, bald head.

- Idris Elba. They just don't come any sexier than this African/Mandingo Brit. He's another man that simply moves me.

- Chiwetel Ejiofor. I don't think he gets his props enough - as an actor or a sex symbol. He's not your "average sexy man" - if there is such a thing - but he's another one who can get it!

- Denzel Washington. I love all his movies and think he's a wonderful actor - but I never really looked at him in that way until I met him after his performance on Broadway in Julius Caesar. He smiled at me, wrapped his arm around me to snap a pic - and I was in love. Just like that.

I could name a bunch more in the way of professional athletes, but we'd be here all day. Muscles and tight booties just do something to me!

White Boys

There are a few white boys who "could get it" - not many...but a few. They are:

- Clive Owen. I think I just love to hear him speak.

- Harry Connick, Jr. Don't ask me why, but he just does it for me. He makes me smile, and his smile is infectious!

- Hugh Jackman. He just seems like a big ole hunk of a man.

- Matthew McConaughey. He walks around shirtless, all tan and barefoot...with a great body! I bet he looks good a "surfer dude" kinda way!

- Gilles Marini. I thought he was cute in the Sex & The City movie, but he stole my heart on Dancing with the Stars...with his sexy French self! And he can really dance too!

- Wentworth Miller? I put a question mark next to his name because I think he has some black in him somewhere. But until I get his DNA report, I'll lump him in with the white boys...and jump on his ass!

Honorable mentions go to Heath Ledger (sexy ass crazy Joker!) and Ashton Kutcher!

Celebrity Girl Crushes

These are not necessarily crushes, but women that I'm friends with "in my head."

- Oprah. Goes without saying. Hate on her if you want to, but I'm sure being her friend comes with A LOT of perks!

- Penelope Cruz. She just seems so sweet to me, and I love her as an actress.

- Jada Pinkett Smith. She just seems like a cool chick to know right?

- Jill Scott. I heard she's a bitch in person, but I don't want to believe it. I met her once before she was "Jill Scott" and she was a sweetheart.

And my all time favorite couple to crush on! Barack and Michelle Obama!

Okay, that's it...I gotta go back to work!

Add yours! Go!


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