Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

So...I'm on the train this morning, like always, and this woman and her teenage daughter get on. The daughter looks to be between 12-14 years old - kinda tall I think for her age, but young in the face. They sit directly across from me.

Girl: Mom, can I go to Julie's this weekend?

Mom: I'll think about it.

Girl: What is there to think about?

Mom: I'm not discussing this with you now.

Girl: WHY NOT!?

(mom looks annoyed, but keeps answering)

Mom: Because I said so. You shouldn't be going anywhere with your grades.

Girl: What's the big deal?

Mom: I said I'm not talking about it now.

Girl: You get on my fuckin nerves.

(girl puts on earphones and turns her back to her mother...mother just sits there)

Meanwhile, I'm waiting for this girl's head to fly. Since when was it okay to curse at your parents? Man listen...I would have been slapped into next week had I even thought about cussin' at my mother, let alone all the back talk that led up to it.

The mother looked at me embarrassed, but still didn't flinch when her daughter cursed at her. All I could sum up from that is that she's used to it. Clearly that wasn't the first time she cursed her mother, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

My sister and I never got spanked growing up. But we also knew better than to talk back or curse at or in front of my parents, or any adult for that matter. At 36 years old, I STILL don't curse in front of my mother, and I never plan to. But nowadays, it seems like kids are getting away with that and other rude behavior younger and younger.

Now, since I don't have kids, I won't say that what she SHOULD HAVE DONE is slap the taste out of her mouth...cuz...that would be wrong. She would think twice about doing it again, but these days, it's all about "time out." She would have at least gotten plucked in the lips...but that's just me.

It seems that when kids get away with this behavior early on, it only escalates as they get older. My nephew Kyce is starting to talk back, but you can tell he's not doing it to be rude or mean - he's just testing his boundaries to see what he can get away with. He sees these smart-ass cartoon characters saying these sassy things and wants to see if it'll work in real life. While some kids may seem smart, clever or witty when they say stuff like "duh auntie..." it's really not cute. Even if I want to laugh inside, I quickly let him know that sassy talk won't be tolerated and that he needs to learn to speak to adults in a polite and respectful way. I don't yell, and my first instinct isn't to knock him silly. It's to teach him what type of language is appropriate when talking to other people. He doesn't need a lecture, he just needs to be corrected. And he gets it.

I think most times kids WANT an adult to correct them, to enforce the rules and to basically "get-in-dat-ass" when they do something wrong. Pre-teens get to an age where they realize that their parents may NOT be right about everything, and sometimes they'll challenge you. But if you teach them from a young age how to speak to you, how to get their point across without back-talk or cursing, then they'll be able to question you and discuss things with you in a respectful way. If your child is 12 years old poppin' off at the mouth - IN PUBLIC - then chances are he/she was allowed to get away with that when they were 6. I don't care where we are - the mall, a restaurant, the movies, a game - if Kyce or Ibrahim talk back, they get the business right then and there. No "wait til we get home" - they're getting spoken to on the spot.

How you talk to children can also determine how they talk to you. Sometimes I hear kids out in the street cursing and carrying on, only to see their parents doing the same thing a few steps away. If you curse at your kids, they may curse back at you one day. You can't teach them that it's wrong if YOU do it all the time. And if you are constantly speaking down to your kids, are rude to them or disrespect them, it's hard to encourage them not to be the same way when that's all they know. Just because you are the parent doesn't mean it's okay to for you NOT set a good example. Most times, kids only do or say what they see or hear.

Okay, that's my rant for today. As I they got off a few stops later, I stretched my neck out to see if the mother was gonna give her a backhand for cursing at her on the train. But no such luck, the daughter just walked in front of her mother like she wasn't there. That girl got off easy, cuz if that was me, I would be sleeping with one eye open that night...jus sayin'.



Anonymous said...

FIRST FIRST!!!Zaaaaay Bu8uuge!!

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

WTF!!!! I thought I was gonna get that one!!!

Anonymous said...

ok...i was excited about being first...!! And it was my first time being first...but Brooke... i was cracking up thinking about the face you made when you saw that child curse at her mother....your facial expressions speak louder than any words you could have said. So i know that mother was feeling some kindaway...Nevertheless, she should have slapped the taste out of her mouth..what is unfortunate is that someone probably would have called CPS on her. This new age approach to parenting gives everyone else besides the parent power to raise THEIR children.It's crazy...people look at you crazy for disciplining your she may have been saving it for a subway corner ass whipping..on some old ..** teeth gritting**" if you ever in your life curse at me like that in public i will whip the..." i think a firm church pinch would have been appropriate...

annamaria said...

Taking my hand out to slap the taste out the mouth of eager #1. Lol
The conversation should have ended at I'll think about it! Then if the kid said something else she should have gotten the look and then the slap. I can tell you that's how its going to go with Sophia. Lol I HATE when kids talk back. Not only is it disrespectful its annoying! WTF is wrong with people?? And I firmly agree with that statement it takes a village to raise a child so Brooke you should have laid that lil bitch OUT!

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Yeah... Brooke... that is one thing I can not stand is a sassy a$$ kid. I am a real laid back kind of guy...and I will talk to a kid once about his/her attitude.... but I can't take the foolishness repeatedly. At that's best that child get as far away from me as possible. I start to feel like the incredible hulk... I can feelt the Gamma Rays start to change me!!! i don't necessarily believe in whoopins... but once the Gamma Rays start kicking in I can feel the spirit of my ancestors start to come out. When I have kids... I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to whoop my daughter... hopefully my wife has the same gamma rays coursing through her veins... But my son is gonna catch wreck if he decides he wants to test me too much!!

Midnight said...

Oh I have to say something about this, especially as a parent. The reason some kids talk back more than others is because of the parents, period. Most parents spoil their kids at a young age and then try to whip them into shape when its now extra hard because you have laid down a spoiled child foundation. She she have slapped her then? No, however she should have scolded her for talking back like that and snatched them headphones away from her. Now when they got back home, "take your clothes off and put this oil on your body" (those who done had ass whuppings know what's up). If you not an ass whupper, fine then you take away things that they like to make them miserable. Teach them a life lesson, when you act that way, you in return get treated that way...

Rameer said...

I completely agree with kids wanting to be taught the right thing. People who aren't around me a lot sometimes say "I guess you would never have kids" or "you must never deal with/have dealt with children". They tend to be completely surprised when they find out not only have I ALWAYS been around kids, they tend to LOVE me!

The surprise comes in my stance on what is and isn't acceptable from kids, and my stance on discipline. You won't say it, but I WILL, Brooke-Ra - that woman shoulda flew that kid's KNOT! Real talk! I wish a fool would...

Most of the kids in my family don't HAVE to be touched... like you said, if you teach them right and instill proper protocols, that's not necessary. However, I'm the Great Discipliner in my fam - I often joke that every kid younger than me has felt my hand at some point in their life. Maybe it's cuz I was raised that way (ooo, hope that upsets some people!), but certain things I don't tolerate in the least, and if it warrants a pop upside the head, smack on the butt or flat-out whooping (not a spanking, a WHOOPING), then so be it.

Me and my siblings are full-grown adults, and to this day we don't curse in our mother's vicinity. In fact, something upset me last week, and I cursed while talking to my sister...just as my mother was walking into the room. I immediately froze...cuz, instinctively, that's NOT how you talk around parents and elders in my fam. My mother didn't react and just kept walking, but me and my sis both looked at each other like "whew!".

I don't think my mother would've even done a thing. But it's just what was instilled - you don't do that.

Kids today are out of control. I told a co-worker I would've murdered this little hellion who was screaming and throwing a fit in a McDonald's we had stopped in (my co-worker wanted coffee; I never buy Wacdonald' He started talking about people looking at me if I would do something, social services, etc. I told him "shooooooot - not in MY family!"

I honestly think the lack of discipline is at the root of a lot of what's wrong with these people nowadays - not discipline, ethics, and/or moral code instilled at a young age. Seems like parents want to give kids their "rights" and be their kids' friends. My mother told me as a teenager - "I ain't your friend. You see them when you go outside...I'm YOUR MOTHER". And I knew exactly what she meant.

Hell, my SIBLINGS couldn't even get *too* disrespectful in front of me...I'd take 'em out before my mother even got to 'em! True story.

I think these soft-ass parents and their time outs, rationalizations and explanations to kids reap what they sow when they have their spawn cursing and telling them "I hate you". They don't respect their family, and often times, don't even respect themselves, cuz they've never been properly taught. And when they grow up and have difficulties adjusting to social and work environments, it comes from the home originally.

Utter buffoonery. I wish I could pop random kids in the mouth sometimes...but I can only do so in the fam.

Yolanda said...

I said the "F" word to my Mother ONCE when I was about 2. She was giving me a bath and I blurted it out and she WHUPT MY A$$ in the bathtub!

I never said it again. I don't even like saying it now that I'm 31.

phillygrl said...

oh no!! Cussing at your parents! Yeah these kids today are buckwild..the 6 year olds who play on my block cuss all the time, their parent's don't care, & when I go to thier porch to say something, they could care less...exactly one of reasons my house is on the market for sale now...ANYWAY..My son is also tesing the waters, he'll say stuff like "im not talking to you!!"..when he's mad( he's 2) ..or he will say gross stuff like 'Im gonna put a boogie on you''..but he knows you should say cuss words, even if he hears someone say 'STUPID' he says OOOOOOOh!..they said a bad word...but if people dont make the differntiation of what is acceptable & wha'ts not, kids will say what they hear others saying & not thing twice about it.I hear teenagers talk to thier parents using cuss in conversatin, but I can't say I really heard someone, in person, cuss at thier parents..that's a bit much & yeah..they would have gottena backhand to the lips IMMEDIATELY!

phillygrl said...

p.s. i DO use time outs, but my son is now getting to the age (learning) that when I give him "THE EYE"..he better cut it out!!!lol!!

Rameer said...

Philly - you know what? I don't mind time outs as long as the basic discipline is instilled. But most times it's not nowadays, and "parents" use that as their ultimate trump card - and that just doesn't cut it with many kids.

For example - I wish my mother WOULD put me on "time out" and send me to my room when I was a kid. Do you know what I HAD in my room?? Though we were poor, my room was like Toys R Us! Or telling me to sit in the corner? Shoot...I'm out as soon as you leave. What you gonna do? Get mad and tell me to go back? I already KNOW all you gonna do is talk.

I NEEDED to be popped sometimes. And like I said...MOST times you don't even have to touch a child. the right tone or "the eye" is enough to let a well-disciplined kid know they are treading into dangerous territory.

My baby sister almost never got touched by my mother...but she always felt she could. To this day, we joke about about how all the poppings and whoopings she got was from ME.

No one else laid a finger on her, for the most part...

Brooke said...

Sorry guys, was in a meeting!

Zay is first! Yay!!

And Zay, you're right. I gave that woman a look like "you ain't gonna do nothing?!" I wanted to fly across that aisle and put foot to ass, but I sat there looking at the mother like "you better do somethng before she's kickin YOUR ass soon."

And I've seen kids hit their parents! Pure fuckery. I wish a child WOULD raise a hand to me. They'd draw back a nub so fast it wouldn't even be funny.

You know what's even funnier, but on a lesser note - it bothers me when my GROWN my mother "Donna" instead of Ms. Dean. I remember the first time one of my friends called my mom by her name, my mother was visibly shaken - and she looked at me like "da hell kinda friends you have that address their elders by their first name?" I was just as shocked as she was. I'll never be too old where I don't address my friend's parents as Mr. or Mrs.

Now I know that's a bit extreme, but I say all that to say how old school I guess I still am and how the times have changed. We never acted up growing up because EVERYONE in the neighborhood had FULL PERMISSION to whoop dat ass if they saw you out in the street acting a fool. My mom would know everything I did that day before she picked me up from my grandparents' house - all because every parent in the neighborhood kept a close watch. I guess we don't live in communities like that anymore, and it's sad - because like someone said, sometimes it takes a village, and that village would get in that ass if you talked back.

The Cable Guy said...

I can just imagine B's face after that girl cursed at her mother. I'm sure it was priceless!

I have a son, but he can't talk yet. But trust when he does, he'll know how to talk to me and other adults at an early age. It's the parent's fault for allowing that foolishness. I'm the parent, you're the kid, and I'm the boss. Plain and simple. If you teach them the right things early on, they won't get to be 12 yrs old talking shit.

Stef said...

I see kids talking back to their parents everyday on the train and it baffles me what they put up with. And I know this may offend some people, but I only see white kids doing this, not black or latino ones. I have yet to see a black or latino child curse at their parents, but I don't doubt that somewhere it's happening.

I agree, it's the parents fault. Kids do what they can get away with, so if you can fix your mouth to curse at your parents, then that means you know there won't be any consquences. But like Bernie Mac said, if your old enough to talk back your old enough to get f*cked up!

Brooke said...

LMAO!!! Stef, you read my mind!

I was gonna put that Bernie Mac clip on there from Youtube but figured the blog was long enough as it is! LOL!!

Anthony Otero said...

Maybe it is a culture thing. I remember Eddie Murphy joking about the same thing when we were kids. Blacks and Latinos parents are disrespected enough at work and the outside world to be dealing with that shit at home.

Yolanda said...

On the flip side... what I hate to see even more than a disrespectful kid is a parent cursing at their kids.

Makes me SO angry.

Brooke said...

I agree Yolanda, I can't stand that either. And then they wonder why their kids curse or curse at them. How can you curse at a kid? YOUR OWN kid!?

DMoe said...

Nice observation on this blog topic Brookey.

I'll tell you never ceases to amaze me how some "new school" parenting has lost sight of the valuable lessons we were taught when we came up.

Basically, my parents rolled this way:

You didn't mess with my Dad cuz he was fire and brimstone. You just didn't wanna have to deal with him throwing the stone tablets at you if you screwed up. I didnt get a beatdown often, but you didn't try "the hand of God" (aka my dad) either.

As for my mom, she was simply unpredictable. Little boys have this thing about dissapointing "mommy" on some level, but quite frankly: You never knew WHAT my mother would do. She could pick up the nearest thing and have it hurled in perfect targeting across the room in a split-second. Or, she was the chick that would roll up to your azz on the dance floor at a party tappin' her watch cuz you are out 30 minutes past curfew.

That was the way it was. I didn't mess with them, and they taught me to fear the consequences. I am raising my daughter the same way. She has no idea what I'm capable of, and as loving and kind a child she is, she understands that daddy will in fact lay his "vengeance down upon thee" if she tries the system.

If she has to suffer punishment, she is admonished for the behavior, and the teaching moment is taken advantage of. I dont mind my child making 50 mistakes one or two times. But if you make 5 mistakes 10 times, I shall be forced to part the Red Sea.

Meanwhile, flip kids don't get the staredown from me. I blame the parents. When kids are born, they go from the hospital to the house, and somewhere between there - a parent's gotta show up and show out if a kid tests the boundaries and crosses the line. Set a limit and kids will follow it.

When I was a kid, "Because I said so..." was all my momma had to say. If she gave you that impenetrable stare after that?

It was gettin' ready to be Thriller night wherever we were...So I better chill out.


Rameer said...

Well put, DMoe. I think most of us experienced what you did, though admittedly, my mother wore my hide out as a young'un. In fact, the only reasons she stopped was cuz she felt it was no longer doing any good...but she had other ways to put me in line...lolz!

And I COMPLETELY agree with all who put the onus on the parents. Really - it's on THEM to BE parents. Kids will only do what they see and are allowed to do.

As far as cursing at kids - that is foolishness. I'm not a parent myself, but even still - when I see or am around ANY kid, I do my best not to ever utter anything CLOSE to a curse. And I admonish people when they curse in front of kids and I'm there. It irks me when people are just cursing like sailors in front of children.

As far as the culture thing...I just had this convo with my mother in the past month. A white woman who used to live near us brought her teen daughter over; she has two older sons who grew up next door to us when they were kids. Her sons never spoke or acted disrespectfully, in part I believe cuz they lived next door to us - and my mother wouldn't tolerate it. They feared her, so oddly enough - they wouldn't disrespect their mother for fear the lady next door might find out and "get" them.

But the little girl? Oh my gosh! Richard Pryor might plug his ears if he heard how she speaks to her mother! She's grown up with no fear of discipline or retribution. It's sad...she seems to exhibit no respect.

My 23 year-old SISTER threatened to knock her out if she heard her speak to her mother again like that. And, oddly enough, she cleaned up her language as soon my sis said that.

My mother just can't understand how a mother could allow her kid to talk to them like that. My response was the same - it's cultural.

However, I HAVE seen few - note the word FEW - people of color who allow their kids to get away with behaviors none of us could've ever even attempted...

DMoe said...

Let's talk race for a second...

This is merely one example, and doesnt speak for the masses, but...I thought the "discipline line" was set across racial lines until:

I dropped a friend off at his house where his sister-in-law's family was staying with him and his family. We had been out watching a game, and it was about 1am on a Monday night. I came in for a second to say what's up to the people who had been staying with him after their house was damaged from a fire.

We walk in at 1am on a Monday night, and the 11 year-old is watching TV in the living room. Her younger sister, 7, is sleeping next to her after falling asleep in that spot. The house has space enough for the kids to sleep in a bed, but they were in fact up watching TV.

The 2-year old was in "time out".

At 1am, this 2 year old was in a corner being "disciplined" for his behavior. The parents were upstairs after issuing the order.

Utter fuckery.
(copyright BrookeDean, inc.)


Rameer said...


Um...I'm kinda speechless after that.

Utter fuckery, indeed. =[

Brooke said...

Some of these parents are just too damned lazy to BE parents - as if the kids are gonna be well behaved and taught on their own.

If you do it right, you don't have to worry about them cursing at teacheres and growing up to be assholes later. It's even more sad when you see a good kid with messed up parents...cuz then you wonder how the kids turned out so well. It's almost like some kids have to parent THEIR PARENTS.

I don't know how it changed so fast?? My mom had this thick, red belt. Just massive. It never touched me, but she would hang it on the door simply for intimidation purposes. All we had to know was that she was CAPABLE and JUST MIGHT whoop us with it. But my mom was a "talker" and always explained to us why doing a certain thing might be wrong or why she wants us to behave a certain way. Now I'm sure if the talks didn't work, we would have gotten torn up. But you have to figure out what works. Most parents now don't wanna take the time to actually RAISE their kids.

Yolanda said...

Shooot....belts, brushes, shoes, extension cords. Whatever was handy. But most of all, it was the LOOK. The side eye! I think Big Renee invented that. It still scares me to this day...and she does still use it! I didn't get many spankings at all because that eye said enough.

Brooke said...

My mom used to give us the "side eye" in church. We'd be up in the choir in the front of the church gigglin and carrying on while the sermon was happening...and my mom would be a few rows back, over one. You could feel the side eye burning in the back of your scalp! You look over, and she's looking at you like "wait til we get home!"

Rameer said...

I FEEL U on the belt! My mother had a black leather joint...and she STILL has it! She'll hang it on her door to this day...I always brush it off, but it secretly induces a little shudder.

It has no effect on my sister. When we get to fighting, my mother will sometimes yell "I'mma WHOOP you two!" My sister always goes "yeah right!" since her little tush never got touched by that belt.

I simply say "I'm too old for whoopings"

annamaria said...

Ok I never got hit by my parents BUT I knew better than to disrespect them. I was scared of my mom & afraid to disappoint my dad.
Now I see Austin with the kids & die laughing. He never hits them but the mere mention of his name makes those kids cry with fear. And they would NEVER disrespect! And Sophia better behave just like they do cuz her I will beat!!! Lol

Brooke said...

My cousin Brian told his mom once that he was too old for whoopins. I think he blacked out shortly after she kicked his ass...LOL!!

Anonymous said...

A question for the group:

Is cursing at your parents any worse than other types of disrespect like eye rolling or teeth sucking?

In my opinion disrespect to your parents is disrespect. If my kids were to roll their eyes at me it would register in my brain as "Fuck you!" and ass whoopins would commence.


Brooke said...

No, it's not really different - but you might LIVE if you simply rolled your eyes or sucked your teeth.

But cursing? Man...that's a death wish!

Serena W. said...

Ooooh...oooooooh. Just thinking of the look makes my right eye twitch.

I'll never forget the time myself and Mom were at the register at Alexanders (what y'all know about that store). Any hoo I was mad that I could get a pair of sneakers or something.

I didn't even see it coming, Mom gave me the look one second and the next with cash in her hand popped me in the mouth. She then paid for the items.

She is truly an obiwon from Star Wars (yeah I jacked up his name).

Those were the days, I thank her for jacking me up. Although not often it didn't have to be. Once was enough.

Between that and the time I ran out the house and left my keys after an argument. I said to myself, "Damn I'm going to catch it because she has to open the door when I ring the bell."

Lol! Great blog Brooke!

DMoe said...

If i ever fixed my mouth to curse my mother growing up, by the time i got ready to say "F---" she would have already hit me in the back of the throat - and crushed my larynx.

Eye rolls? That was pretty odd for a boy to do anyway. However, my mom was good for asking if "we got a problem?" after I was told to roll out and do what I was told.

Stomp off and turn your back? Why would you ever do something that crazy...You wont be able to see what's coming!

Slam a door down the hall? Now you know that sucker is coming off the hinges.

"Won't be no more doors up in here!"

LOL. Gotta love Cheryl.


Brooke said...

ya'll were some bad ass kids :)

My favorite was when I would walk away, and mumble something under my breath...and my mom would say "Stand right HERE (pointing to some spot on the floor within arms reach) and say that."

I could be in the basement and whisper something smart under my breath and she'd be upstairs in the kitchen and be like "what did you say?"


I'm no fool.

The Cable Guy said...

I bet Brookey was a good lil girl :) LOL!

Brooke said...

I was! I rarely got in trouble cuz I wasn't bad! Nicole and I kept each other company and in line.

My cousins though? Especially my male ones? Bad...and they got beat all the time. I didn't wanna suffer their I behaved.

And besides, my mom kept us too busy to get in trouble. Between choir rehearsal, piano lesson, practice, field hockey, basketball, track, going to church, etc. I didn't have time to be bad!

The Cable Guy said...

Field hockey? You played field hockey? Where did you grow up?

I'm slightly turned on by that :)

Brooke said...

Field hockey is SO not sexy :)

Stef said...

I don't want to end today's blog on a negative note after Judah don went all crazy on Rameer out of the blue for no good reason yesterday, but Cable Guy...she's just not that into you :) LMBAO!

The Cable Guy said...

Stef is a hater! LOL!!

Stef said...

I'm not hating, just stating a fact! I'm sure you're a good dude and all, but come on man! You've been begging for months now! Let it go! Get off her tit already! LOL!!

The Cable Guy said...

I think you'd like it if a dude was sweatin YOU...stop hating!

Why is everyone so worried about what I do and say to Brooke?

Jealousy perhaps??

Stef said...

No one is jealous of your beggin' Keith Sweat ass.

"There you go tellin me no again, no no no no!" LMBAO!

Just stop it. She don't want you!

The Cable Guy said...

You forgot:

"I want her! I want that baby!"


Again, nothing to do with you. Mind ya business! Stop hatin!

Jaz said...

I always glance over the comments at the end of the day when I get home, and I always find that the blog takes a turn somewhere :)

If cable dude wants to love Brooke, let him love her. It's better than hating her. Spread love people!

As for the blog - I got beat by both parents when I acted out, and it taught me not to do the same bad thing twice or be disrespectful. I wasn't abused, I was disciplined. Kids got it easy and these parents are too soft. That girl should have gotten popped in the mouth when she cursed at her mother. Hell, I would have gotten popped after I asked "why not?" My mom was always like "don't ask me no damn questions, cuz I said so!" You're right Brooke, she got off easy!

The Cable Guy said...

Thank you Jaz!

The only people hating about me liking Brooke are probably people who want her for themselves! Women included, cuz we all know Brooke gets the "Girl Love"! LOL!

Ya'll act like she's not worth going after! Brooke is the HOTNESS, so if going after the hotness makes me Keith Sweat, you all can "kick rocks with no socks on!"

I stole that from Serena yesterday, that was HILAROUS!

Jaz said...

Don't push it Cable Guy :)

Jay said...

Yo B, I'm not hatin, but what did you DO to this dude? Shit, you need to bottle that up and sell it! You got this nukka professin love like THAT?? I want some of what you laced him with, cuz
not sayin you ain't the "hotness" but DAAAYYYUUUMMM!!!

Tony (Brooke's male cousin) said...

Brooke! Your "male" cousins were not that bad and did not get beat all the time! Stop it!lol

Brooke said...

I saw you, Brian AND David get beat! LOL!!!

Okay, fine...not ALL the time :) LOL!

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