Thursday, July 28, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Nice day today :)

- I'm wearing my favorite summer dress....for the first time this summer. How did THAT happen!? I saw it in my closet today like, "there you are!"

- My twists are starting to unravel.

- I wish I was by the Mediterranean again. Tangier was awesome. But I'll settle for Rockaway Beach :)

- Getting back into the swing of work is not as bad as I thought it'd be. Makes me feel like I can take longer vacations in the future - I had great backup!

- I kinda missed NYC...a lil bit ;)

- Rameer, call me tonight about Fantasy Football if you can. I need help with the draft :)

- I feel like I have a lot of movies to see still....maybe I'll do that this weekend.

- Serena is 38 weeks! That baby will be here SOON...he's coming! The time seemed to fly and I'm so happy for Serena and her sweetie on their new blessing to come. Congrats again! What an amazing mother you'll be :)

- No throwback today. But maybe DMoe can give us another rockin' playlist!

- Tammy on Basketball Wives is officially coo coo for Coco Puffs.

- I need a pedicure in the worst way...but I don't want them to scrub the henna off.

- I'll send a better link to pics once I organize the 1000 photos I took :)

- Thank you to everyone for my welcome back wishes and travel prayers.



Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Mixed Signals

Happy Hump Day!

Okay, so I'm still in a bit of a blog block state, but luckily a friend gave me a topic for today. He told me a story about his boy who went on a date with a woman, she came back home with him, she took a SHOWER with him, but then rejected him when it came time to do the dirty dirty.

No sex. He could kiss her, fondle her, caress her and wash her....but no sex.

How DARE he assume that a woman who gets fully naked and lets soapy water run all over her body in his presence wants to have sex with him!? case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic. If I were dude, I'd think she wanted to jump me too. Girlfriend was being a tease, and who knows why she didn't do it. Maybe she had every intention on freakin' this guy, but then saw what he was working with and changed her mind. We do that sometimes you know.

....and why did he even share that story? He should have taken that to his grave...but I digress.

While I don't think this guy was wrong for thinking he was gonna get some, I WILL say that most men misread signals and get the wrong ideas more often than not. If I return a smile and say hello to a dude on the street, he thinks I want to sleep with him. If I bump his arm on a crowded E train, he thinks I want to smash. If I say, "Can you please pass the salt?" that's code for "take me now." Okay, so maybe it's not that bad, but y'all DO do that.

When it comes to reading women's non-verbal signals - a smile, a gaze, body language, tone of voice - some men can be complete illiterates. A lot of times, men perceive sexual intent in women's behavior where there was no intent to convey. While smiling, moving closer to him, touching his arm, or even kissing him may show romantic interest, sex isn't always the ultimate thing on her mind (even though she already knows if she's gonna do it or not).

Now, that chick getting naked and taking showers is some ole other ish. Teasing and sending signals like THAT can lead to an unwanted situation. Date rape is real, so she should be careful about the messages/signals she's sending. There are ways to be intimate without being overtly sexual, and I can't say that dude was wrong in assuming sex was on her mind and that she'd welcome it.

That being said, men should take care to pay better attention so that they don't find themselves in these situations. No need getting blue balls because you think all women wanna screw you.

Now if you're not sure, let me give you some clues as to whether or not a woman is open to having sex with you...even if it's not RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Again, these are clues according to BROOKE, not ALL women...and ladies, feel free to add your own.

1. She grabs you by your shirt, pulls you to within an inch of her lips and whispers, "Let's smush Big Daddy." The most obvious way to know that she wants to have sex with you is if she TELLS you she does. Since I know some women would rarely do that....let's go to #2.

2. Pillow Fighting. Yes...pillow fighting. If I up and whop you in the head with a pillow, I have some sexual aggression I want to unleash on you. It's up to you to pick up on this. Now there are some dudes who will knock your ass out back with a pillow - wrong move you moron. The "play war" I'm initiating with you is a dare for you to subdue me. Most women want a man to "take her" in the bedroom - so if I hit you with my pillow, I'm assuming you'd use our chemistry and your sexual, physical strength to pop me with a pillow, then pound me with something else soon after. If you don't know this is why women do this, now you do.

3. Play wrestling - same thing, only to a bigger degree. If I had a dollar for every time a guy asked me if I wanted to wrestle, I'd have....well....that's not important. But when women initiate "play wrestling" they want the same thing you do - to do the horizontal mambo. We're already on the ground, or the bed, or the couch, and play wrestling lets you know that we want to get physical with you. Just don't act like you're on WWE and body slam her. We trust you to not ACTUALLY physically harm us. least *I* don't want you to anyway.

4. Tickling. If I tickle you, I'm in a playful mood. Playfulness in women usually is synonymous with horniness. No? Just me? Well....whatever. It gives me an excuse to touch you. Now, don't just sit there and act all manly and macho like you're not ticklish to prove to us that nothing phases you. Use your brain and figure out that this is your cue to touch us back. First it might start under the arms, or the feet...then the stomach...and then you can accidentally tickle my neck...with your tongue, and then go from there. Men who don't take advantage of tickling to see if a woman will go there are idiots, or they're gay...cuz who can resist once we're all giggly and squealing and whatnot? Laughing is sexy.

5. If we touch you in your man space. If I touch you on a natural erogenous zone, then I can't get any clearer than that...especially if it's subtly in a public place. Your chest, your butt, your means I can't keep my hands off of you and I'm giving you permission to touch me in those places back. Again, make sure it's clearly a personal space where she's touching you. If she accidentally bumps your shin under the table, that's not a sexual signal.

I would add that if I change or undress in front of you, but ole girl messed that up by taking showers with dude and whatnot. I guess I can add it as an honorable mention, along with if I ask you for a massage, but just to be clear - if I take a shower with you, we're gettin' busy. Case closed, period, end of story.

Are there any signals/signs I'm missing ladies? Let's go!


Monday, July 25, 2011

Random Thoughts Monday!

I'm back! I missed you guys!

I'm out of the office today and tomorrow at an offsite meeting, so I may not be able to respond as much as a want to...but I'll be checking in!

- Morocco was amazing! My family there is amazing! I miss them already so much :)

- If you want to see pics, feel free to browse :)

- The weather was perfect over there - was a little hot in Marrakesh, but otherwise it was glorious! The sea breeze felt great....I wish I could have sent it over to you guys here in this heat wave :)

- Everyone thinks it's hotter in Africa as a whole than it actually is.

- Women don't go to cafes/coffee houses out there to sip, sit and chill - I only saw men out and about drinking coffee. Women tend to drink coffee/tea at home. Interesting.

- There were a lot of cats in Morocco roaming around. They just be kickin' it :) I wanted to bring one home...but I think they'd prefer to be in beautiful Morocco rather than Queens. By cats I mean felines ;)

- Driving out there is bananas! There are no real traffic rules other than whoever gets in the roundabout first wins. I got used to it a little bit....but not really.

- Speaking of, we got into an accident while in a horse drawn carriage with a BMW truck. Guess who won? Horses nearly took the ENTIRE door off the truck. That BMW was brand new, and wrecked!

- I need to brush up on my French and take a few Arabic classes. I think I did pretty well out there though! My favorite phrase? Zwin bzzaf! (very nice/very beautiful)

- The young Moroccan men wear these acid wash looking skinny jeans while the women wear looser ones. They must be all the rage because they ALL had them on. Weezy would be proud.

- Mazagan Beach Resort was spectacular! And even more spectacular is my brother-in-law Fouad for treating us all to a magical time there. "Thank you" can't even begin to express my gratitude. He made our vacation wonderful and I will forever remember this visit because of him. My sister is a lucky woman.

- I've never seen fish eat bread before going to Morocco. Apparently they eat anything...I didn't know that.

- The McDonalds out there is POPPIN' at midnight! It was packed!

- The security in the Casablanca airport caught an attitude with me cuz I didn't speak French. He actually rolled his eyes at me. I felt like saying, "My bad son!" Geesh!

- Laila and Fouzia (sisters-in-law) can cook their asses off! The food was I gotta figure out how to get rid of the 8 lbs I gained while I was there. We ate ALL THE TIME! But it was sooo goood! Deebo, make some time for me...cuz I'm gonna live in the gym.....once I get rid of the cold I caught :(

- I miss Nouhaila so much! This 12 year old girl out there stole my heart, I just wanted to bring her back with me! I have a new niece :)

- Sorry I OD'd on the photos of Morocco on Facebook, but I wanted to capture everything! There were so many beautiful things to take in there, I wanted to download it all! Can't wait to go back!

- Thank you all for your well wishes, prayers and comments on my travels....means more than you know! Luv y'all!



Friday, July 8, 2011

As promised, I am posting a pregnancy photo of our very own Serena Wills – radiant beauty in all of her mommy-to-be splendor. There are some women who you just know will make a great mother.

From the moment I found out Serena was expecting, I thought to myself, “What a lucky child her baby will be…to come into this world through her, to have her for a mother.” I thought the same thing about Annamaria too…and my sister…and all my friends with children. And yet they’re all different – with different ideas and different styles of parenting - yet all great mothers.

Motherhood has become a spectator sport for me. Since I don’t have children of my own, watching women (and men) with children in the street, on the subway, at the mall, in a restaurant – anywhere – can be particularly intriguing to me. And I find myself doing it - making judgments. I’m not proud of this fact, but it happens.

I cringe at the mother who is giving her baby soda and donuts for breakfast on the train. I wince when a mother curses at her child at the mall. And I try to keep myself from giving a disapproving stare when I see a child scream or hit their mother and call her out her name because she told little Johnnie “no” when he asked if he could have a toy. I catch myself thinking, “I wish a child of mine WOULD…”

But I have no children…so what do I know?

What you feed your kids, how you handle a tantrum, what preschool you send your kid to – those are all personal decisions that have nothing to do with anyone else. And I’m sure if I ever become a parent, someone will make snide comments about how I choose to raise my child. I experience self-doubt in this area everyday, even as my eggs remain unfertilized month after month. What kind of mother will I be? Should I even be a mother? How do women do it?

I have friends who never yell at their kid(s). I have friends who look fabulous ALL THE TIME – never a hair out of place, all while baking 100 cupcakes for their child’s class, working a 9-5, going to the gym and PTA meetings, having drinks with their girls and catering to their husbands. Who are these women and what planet are they from?

When I picture myself as a mom, all I see is TIRED. My nephews run me ragged. On the weekends that I visit, they’re all mine. I pull my hair back and put on an outfit that I don’t mind getting Cheeto dust or peanut butter on. I get all dirty at the playground and my pedicure is busted cuz they ran over my toes with their scooter. I try to enforce good eating habits, only to find myself at Mickey D’s getting chicken nugget Happy Meals with apples and chocolate milk or apple juice. And then I go to bed exhausted, only to wake up to them in my face asking me every 5 minutes when I’m getting up and them sticking their finger under my nose to see if I’m still breathing. Then I go back to Queens to FINALLY get some rest.

These aren’t even MY children, so I can only imagine what it’s like to do that 24-7. Motherhood seems like an occupational hazard!

I catch myself in my GYN’s office – the only non-pregnant person in the room most times – reading parenting magazines since that’s all they have around. You should breastfeed until the kid is 20 years old, only feed them organic food, start teaching them different languages at 6 weeks old, they should be a piano prodigy by the time they’re 3, and should get into Harvard with no problem if you follow those guidelines.

I’ll be lucky if I change the diaper correctly.

Arming yourself with information can be useful. But too much expert advice can lead you into the trap of believing that there is one right way to do things and that if you’re not doing it that one way your kids will suffer: A perfect recipe for mother’s guilt.

The reality is, there is no recipe for what it takes to be a good mother. Sometimes mothers lose patience. They yell. They feed their kids junk sometimes because it’s just easier at that moment. And sometimes mothers let their kids get away with things that they shouldn’t because they’re just….tired. But one of the things that those articles never mention is that children are very resilient, and smart…and they know that when you act in love that you’re acting on their behalf. That’s being a good parent.

If I ever am blessed enough to be a mother, I’ll just have to trust my internal mothering guide. They say kids don’t come with directions, but they kinda do in a sense. The directions are your instincts, your values and they’re the basis on which all of your decisions are made. If you make a decision about your child that comes from love, prayer, listening to and trusting in God and having faith in yourself, you’ll do just fine.

It’s the internal critic that many of us need to muzzle because it does the most damage. Without that little voice inside our heads creating doubt about our mothering skills, comments and judgments made by others would be less likely to take hold.

Doing what you believe is best for your children and your family makes you a good mother, no matter if it fits anyone else’s standard. There will always be decisions you make that others will be able to find fault with, but your true allegiance is with your kids. When you’re comfortable with your decisions, you need to just stand in them and own them and recognize that the only one you have to answer to is yourself, your child later and God. You don’t have to answer to anyone else.

When all is said and done, being a mother means tuning in to what really matters. Look into your child's eyes – when you see that sparkle, and he gives you a hug and you know that he loves you – that’s the best feeling. I feel it from my nephews and all the children in my life…and that little feeling right there gives me confidence that I just might join my sister, and Annamaria…and now Serena, in making a great mother one day.


Thursday, July 7, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- This week is flying by because I'm SO BUSY! All this last minute stuff at work to do and my brain is already in Morocco.

- We leave on Sunday! God Willing.

- Ask me if I've packed one thing.....ONE.

- The answer is no. And I have no idea when I'm gonna start. Tonight? Saturday?

- I can't wait to meet my extended family over there :-)

- There's nothing good on tv this summer.

- I'm so sorry I'm gonna miss Serena's baby shower this weekend. And's not a surprise, I didn't ruin anything :-)

- And I'm gonna miss the SU DC BBQ this year. Have fun for me!

- No idea if I'm gonna be able to braid my hair before I go. I have no time to do anything.

- Looking forward to reading a book on the plane. I have a nice 8 hour flight ahead of me.

- The summer seems to be going by fast. It'll be almost August by the time I come back - gotta get my beach days in!

- My face is breaking out like crazy! Stress? Heat? Not drinking enough water? What's going on!?

- Steak for lunch!

- Don't be stingy with compliments. If you think someone is the shiznit, tell them so :-)

- Zoo Keeper was corny.

- I wanna see Transformers though...wonder if I can sneak that in before Sunday.

- Annamaria is the Blog Police.

- Buttercup/Magnolia Bake Shop cupcakes are the best!

- I have meetings all day today - how am I gonna get all this work done?!

- To spin or not to spin tonight? That is the question.

- Anybody having a summer of love? :)

- Today's throwback! This was the joint right here!

and if you wanna hear it with The Wu...

I'm head boppin' at my desk!



Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Happy Hump Day!

So I woke up this morning to find texts and emails from my male friends telling me my Yahoo account was hacked. I was a bit surprised since I’m usually very careful about what I click on the innawebs, as Yolanda calls them. I asked what type of spam they got from me and they all said the same thing: a link about Viagra, Cialis and every other sexual dysfunction pill you can think of. I chuckled as I realized that NONE of my female friends contacted me to tell me I’d been hacked. Not one. Meanwhile, some of the responses I got from men were: “I thought you were trying to tell me something.” “How did you know???” “I don’t need no damn Viagra!”

Geesh! Sensitive much?

I promptly changed my Yahoo password and apologized on Facebook to all who had gotten spam from me. I’ll be more careful next time. I thought it was interesting how many of my man friends seemed to feel some kinda way about Viagra, sexual dysfunction and the like. Are men REALLY that sensitive to that type of thing?

It got me to thinking about some of the insecurities some men have and the myths surrounding them. So men, I’ll do you a favor and debunk some of these myths for you so you can go forth being the manly stud muffins that you are. This is BROOKE’S OPINION ONLY. I realize some women may disagree with me on several of these, but men…if you wanna bumble with the B (that’s me), then fret not. Here goes:

1. Penis size. Yes, it’s nice if you can knock the bottom out of most chicks, but it can be a gift and a curse. Schlongs are like money; some of you who have a lot don’t know how to spend it! Seriously, sometimes a man with a big d**k is like a trust fund kid - lazy, isn’t willing to work for it, rests on his laurels….and is…boring. I’d rather do a broke guy who is a hard worker, if you catch my drift.

2. Chest hair. I love it. I know a few women who want their men shaved clean, but not me. Let me rub my soft hand on your carpet, maybe even grab a few curly strands. Something about a man with hair on his chest moves me.

3. Facial hair. Okay, seriously…whose deal breaker is facial hair? You got a beard, mustache, goatee, five o’clock shadow, whatever…just keep it shaped up. I love a hairy man…woolly caveman, alldat. I may be in the minority here, but it is what it is.

4. Scars. Battle wounds are interesting to me. Means you’re not afraid to get scuffed up and maybe you can hold your own. Now, I’m not saying I think gang stab and gunshot wounds turn me on, but if you cut yourself up fixing things around the house or the car or something, I can dig it. A man with NO scars or marks on his body gets the side eye from me….pretty muthaphucka.

5. Sweat. Men are supposed to sweat. Sweat is sexy. Sweat makes sex SO MUCH better…I like slip sliding around :-) A man who doesn’t want to sweat during sex can go sit down somewhere…OVER THERE. We all do it, and the only time it’s not cool is when it’s boob sweat, or when it’s running down your leg on the subway platform on your way to work.

6. Sex. You’re not a porn star and neither are we. You don’t need to hold me up in a reverse cowgirl, plank position to get my attention. Sometimes missionary is really enough…it’s actually my favorite position. Maybe that’s boring, but I like to face you and hold you, it’s more personal for me. Start having me hang from monkey bars and we might have a problem. #charliehorse.

7. Erectile dysfunction. It happens to everyone. If it happens over 50% of the time, then go see a doctor and then we’ll talk about Viagra. You might be tired, depressed, need some exercise or vitamins, but we can figure it out together. Women don’t look at you as less than a man if you can’t get it up ONE night. Don’t beat yourself up about it…happens to everyone.

8. Premature ejaculation. Stop worrying about this. This condition is usually labeled that way for men who can’t last 1-2 minutes once he penetrates a woman…and most men I know can last at least 5. You all worry about how long sex should be for no reason. Should it be 15 minutes, an hour? You think if it’s too short, she’ll tell all her friends you’re a two-minute brother, but if it’s too long, she’ll get sore and raw down there. Take your time, enjoy your partner, listen to each other and pay attention. Sometimes a quickie is all y’all need…and sometimes marathon sex happens when you least expect it. It’s different every time, so stop worrying about it.

9. Condoms. Yes, most times it feels better without one…but honestly, if you know what you’re doing, it feels the same to us WITH a condom too. Just stay lubricated so that the friction of hot ass rubber doesn’t start a small brush fire down there. We don’t like that.

10. Orgasms. Yes…the orgasm is the desired result, but most women don’t care that much about it. Our most satisfying sexual experiences come from feeling loved, desired, passionate, happy, arouse and erotic…in a nutshell, feeling connected to someone. The orgasm is simply the icing on the cake. And that's what toys are for ;-)

Did I miss anything?


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Don't Let No One See This Naked Pic of Me, Ok? Fury

I'm going to need you wayward, out of pocket men to learn how to keep a secret. If you can't keep a secret, at least act like you are. Day after day, naked pics are sent from women to men. Then all of a sudden the relationship goes sour and the sorry emotional ass guy shares the pics with the world.

What is it? Do you want everyone to see what you had? Your ego is hurt because she moved on so you want to strike back? Or were you dumb enough to send it to your boy with the neck tattoo of Tweety Bird and expect him to just see it and delete it?

I'll wait…

Fellas, this leaking/sharing/putting the pic on shit has got to stop. You're starting to mess it up for the rest of us! I'm a visual creature. I like to see things. I like to imagine things. I like the excitement of the cellphone chime when the topless shot has been sent. You emotional ass men are making this hard. Women are putting those of us that keep a secret in the same basket with ______(insert celebrity dummy here)

You dummies with significant others leaving the photos in your phone are making it harder. Delete it! Hide it in a new clandestine email….you know're not smart enough to keep that hidden. Just delete it you emotional dummy and let the real men handle this nude pic business.

If a woman as fine as say…Amber Rose.. sent you some naked shots, be smart enough to be on the mailing list for future blessings. Unfortunately for Amber, her last batch of leaked shots came from an untrustworthy intern, but I bet that intern sent them to a dumb ass dude. Dumb ass.

Here's the thing: women like a man that's truly a man about his. In public and private. That means keeping a level head and not going all twitpic with her nude shots.

Ladies, the same goes for you. If a member of congress sends you a picture of his package, just delete it if you don't want to see it. Don't put the dude's meat on front street for laughs. The same goes for the rest of the non-congressional set.

I'll say this, I have one or two pics of my manhood in the ether. The trust is the sexy part. You keep up the trust even after a break up and well…you stay on the sexy list. That could mean something or nothing to you, but I value trust more than printed money.

How do you feel about sending nude pics? Do you like receiving nude pics? Have you ever shown other people pics sent to you and the person found out? Did you publish them on purpose for revenge?

They call me The Fury and pictures, video and audio are accepted here….under the tightest of security.

-- The Fury

Related Posts with Thumbnails