Friday, July 31, 2009

TGIF!!! it’s Friday, I’m busy as hell at work, and I want to keep it light and fun today.

Instead of straining my brain to come up with something clever to write, I figured I’d see where all of YOUR heads are today. So I’ve come up with a few questions to ask to see what the consensus was on some things I have certain opinions on. I want to see if you all think the same way I do, so I’m leaving my answers off…for now.

Since I don’t want to leave anyone out, I’ve come up with a list of questions for both men and women to answer. But if there’s a question you’d like answered by the opposite sex, feel free to ask it!


1. What are your thoughts on the “Bro-zilian?” You know…men who shave “down there.” Like it? Love it? Hate it? Don’t care?

2. How often do you fake (if ever) an orgasm?

3. Do you keep your own stash of condoms in the crib, or do you make him bring his own every time?

4. Would you rather have a man who was 2 inches shorter than you with a 10 inch penis, or a man who was over 6 feet tall with a 5 inch penis?

5. If you could have sex with any man in the world you wanted - and he’d be down for it - but ONLY if you got a permission slip from your significant other, would you ask for it?

6. What kind of bachelorette party would you like to have – 1) Bonding with the girls with a spa day and then dinner 2) A night out on the town drinking and club hopping 3) Strip joint? If you’re already married…what kind, if any, did you have?

7. Do you have a porn stash and a drawer full of toys?

8. If it were completely safe and painless (and free), would you get breast implants, lipo or any other cosmetic surgery?

9. Which would you respect more – a man who doesn’t work, but is a great stay at home father and is a wonderful husband, or a man who was successful at his career and made well over 6 figures, took care of you and the kids financially, but was always working and never helped you around the house or with the kids?

10. Do you think a man can be bisexual? And if he told you he was, would you date him?


1. Do you prefer a woman who is waxed, shaved, bare down there? Brazilian? Topiary? Chia Pet?

2. Have you ever had sex with a woman you ACTIVELY disliked?

3. Have you ever measured your penis? Come on now…tell the truth. Extra points if you tell us how long it is ;-)

4. Have you ever faked an orgasm? (and if so, how did you manage to get away with that?)

5. Same question – if you could have sex with any woman in the world you wanted ONLY if you got written permission from your significant other, would you ask for it?

6. If your friends threw you a bachelor party, which would you prefer? 1) A night at a casino or sporting event, followed by bar hopping (no topless bars) 2) A boys bonding weekend in the woods or an island 3) A night in a strip club with lap dances. Same thing - if you’re married already, what kind of party, if any, did you have?

7. Would you rather be with a woman with a striking face and an average body, or a bangin’ body and an average face?

8. If your girlfriend/wife could be good at only one of the following, at which would you want her to be an expert? 1) Oral sex 2) Cooking 3) Sports (yeah right)

9. Which of the following would make you the most uncomfortable? Dating a woman, who, compared to you, is: 1) More sexually experienced 2) A better athlete 3) Smarter 4) More successful in her career 5) Made double your salary

10. Would you be more interested, less interested, or not care if a woman you were interested in dating told you she was bisexual?



Thursday, July 30, 2009

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- It's gorgeous day today in the NYC!

- I spoke to Nicole (my sister) and Kyce (my nephew) first thing this morning. What a great way to start the day!

- Why was I up cooking my lunch early this morning? I was in the kitchen sweatin' like a runaway slave. Watch lunch time come around and I don't wanna eat it...always the way.

- I hate it when I have a Lil Wayne song stuck in my head.

- The older I get, the more I find I have zero tolerance for bullsh*t.

- I want to see a good movie...any recommendations?

- Anyone wanna take bets on when Annamaria has her baby? She's due 8/9.

- Her baby's gonna come out wielding a taser and a shank :-)

- When I miss a few days of taking vitamins, I really feel it. I need to be consistent.

- Why would anyone like chunky peanut butter?

- This humidity is killing my hair. I feel fuzzy.

- Can't wait til football season starts!

- Speaking of, many of you have asked me to blog about Michael Vick. I think he served his time and should be allowed to make a living. The animal lover in me won't allow me to blog about it in depth, but he paid his debt to society and deserves a second chance. There are people who have done worse things to humans and served less time, so what I really think the issue is about is our justice system and making the punishment fit the crime. I'll stop there.

- I'm already thinking of something else for lunch... :-(



Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

Okay, so I need my Brookey Cafe bloggers to help settle a dispute for me. I know you'll all be fair and unbiased....and will see that I'm right :-)

So...last night I was catching up with an old friend who told me that she just met this great new guy. He's funny, makes her laugh all day long, they have everything in common and they never, ever argue. They've been dating for 3 months.

"I can see us being together forever cuz we never disagree on anything...we never fight."

So I say to her, "well, it's only been 3 months...and that's a long way from forever."

She told me I was a hater and that love can last and be healthy without ever fighting.

Yeah, and I'm the Queen of f*cking Sheba.

"Ask your bloggers what they think, because they will tell you what a hater you're being, " she says to me.

Girl, you ain't said nuttin but a word!

I explain to her that while I may have taken the wind out of her sails, I was not hating on her and her new love. It's just that, in my opinion, it's unrealistic to say that you can be with someone forever and never have a disagreement. Unless dude is a punk. Yeah, I said it.

Okay, maybe I didn't say that to her...but I'm saying it now :-)

I'm not saying her man is a punk, but you can't tell me that those two will neva eva get on each other's, EVER. It's impossible. And if a man (or woman) only agrees with everything you say just to appease you, then that person is a punk...plain and simple. And trust me, that ish will get old REAL quick.

Personally, I think it's rather healthy to have a little spat every once in a while. I'm not talking about all out brawls where you verbally slaughter each other. I believe in fighting fair and being respectful, even when you secretly wanna choke the sh*t out of someone for getting on your last nerve. Kind words should always be spoken in a disagreement, no matter how heated the discussion gets. One friend told me that during an argument once, a dude said "fuck you!" to her.

**Now, let me just say for the record that if a man EVER says those two words to me in a sentence that doesn't include "I want to..." in the beginning of it, he will become Black History quick fast in a hurry.**

Now...back to the blog.

I can disagree with someone I care deeply for without being an asshole. I can disagree with you while still respecting your opinion. I will never disrespect you or call you names. I won't throw personal things you've told me in your face or use them against you. I won't push buttons just to be mean and spiteful, and I won't talk about your mama.

If I feel the debate is getting out of hand, I'll try to shut it down, agree to disagree, be quiet (cuz I know I got a slick mouf) or I'll try to diffuse the situation with a hug, a kiss or a smiley face. It's hard for me to stay mad at the people I care about anyway, because it actually affects me physically. I get a migraine, I can't sleep and I literally feel sick to my stomach. If my sister and I get into an argument, we have to make up within 5-10 minutes - and going to bed angry at each other is NOT an option...for us anyway.

Now, that's sisterly love...and I recognize that that's a lot different than being mad at your sweetie. He or she can work your nerves to the point where you may be able to stay angry at each other for DAYS. I don't advise that...but it can happen - trust me, I know.

But I think the types of arguments that last for days are indicative of something else - namely letting little annoyances snowball into bigger grievances. That's why little arguments here and there can help. Getting out all your little "grrrrs" now will keep them from becoming roars later.

But let me say this...if you're going to really argue, argue over things that matter. Otherwise, just let the rest go. Pick your battles and let each other off the hook sometimes. Once or twice a week, let him "win" the argument...even if he's an idiot :-) Or at least let him think he won. Men, let her have the last word sometimes. It won't kill you :-)

You hate when she leaves her panties soaking in the sink? Yes... gross...but don't "FIGHT" fight over it.

He chews like a cow with his mouth open all the time? Yes, annoying as hell. But you'll live.

Arguments will happen, no doubt. But so what? What truly matters is his or her heart, spirit and soul. Is he or she genuinely a good person who has your best interest at heart? Do they make you feel happy the majority of the time? Do they lift you up rather than bring you down? Do they respect you and your feelings? Do you truly love him or her?

If the answers to those questions are yes, then your relationship will survive a little fight. If it doesn't, it's not much of a relationship anyway.

You tell me...did I "win' this one? LOL!!



Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Hey everyone!

I hope you're all feeling blessed today :-) I am.

Last night, I left work at was a long day. I walked down the sidewalk past the Women's Shelter that lives next door to A&E. Sometimes there are women outside smoking cigarettes, talking on their cell phones, or arguing with each other in the street. Sometimes there are even police officers called to the shelter to break up some dispute the women are having among themselves. Not often, but I've seen it.

I used to think to myself, "why did they put the shelter here, on this street, where there are businesses and professional people walking around? Not a good look for any visitors to the area."

As I approached the corner, a woman stopped me. She was probably in her 40's, although life made her look much older. She was carrying a bag, had on a jacket (even though it was hot and humid outside), jeans and sneakers. She looked like she had on a few layers of she was wearing everything she owned.

"Excuse me. Is there a women's shelter around here?" she asked me.

I turned and pointed up the street, "Yes, right there...under the scaffolding, on the left hand side of the street." She looks and pauses...she doesn't move.

"Do you ever see women fighting there? Is it safe?"

I was surprised by her question, because she asked as if she'd been in unsafe shelters before.

I told her it seemed okay to me, and that even though I'd seen police there before, it was a safe area and the women seemed nice. She searched my eyes for something more...and then hers welled up with tears.

"I left my husband. He beats me."

I think I stopped breathing for a second...maybe two, three. My heart broke in a million little pieces as a tear rolled down her cheek. Without even thinking, I hugged her...and she hugged me back.

And then I had to check myself. Here I am wondering why they put a women's shelter on this busy, "business-district" street in mid-town, when I should be grateful that there was at least one shelter in the city for women to go to. Any of the "professional women" I see walking around on a daily basis could easily end up in a shelter one day if we're not careful. Maybe even me.

Of course, we'd like to think that could never happen to us. I can't even imagine myself as the type of woman who would allow a man to abuse her. But I'm sure the hundreds of thousands of women who are abused each year never thought it could happen to them either. Domestic violence transcends all race and class boundaries. While I do believe that there are some serious emotional and self esteem issues plaguing women who find themselves in abusive relationships, anyone can find themselves in the wrong relationship where they didn't see the abuse coming - both men and women.

After I hugged her, she thanked me and reluctantly headed up the street towards the shelter. I stood watching her for a moment, thinking how brave she is to leave and how afraid she must be in doing so. So many times we ask ourselves why women who are being beaten don't "just leave." But sometimes, they simply don't have any place to go - and if they do, the place they're going to might not be any safer. I can't imagine leaving one hell, just to end up in another one. At least the hell they know at home is familiar to them...unlike the unknown of a shelter in mid-town.

I said some extra prayers for her last night. I hope she got a good night's rest and had some peace of mind. And I asked God to forgive me for having the thoughts I did about the shelter in the first place. Maybe if my grandmother would have had somewhere to go and the means to do so, she would have left my grandfather long before she passed away at the age of 42. Maybe she would have lived longer instead of suffering in an abusive marriage that probably led to her diminishing health. Maybe I would have gotten a chance to meet her.

And lastly, I thanked God for the mother I have and the upbringing she gave me...all on her own. I'm thankful she never allowed herself to be abused like her mother was - therefore I never saw any of that growing up. I'm thankful she taught me self worth and to love myself unconditionally. I'm thankful that she became a better, stronger mother and protector after experiencing what she did growing up. I can't imagine suffering such a tremendous loss - that of her mother - at the young age of 23...a young mother herself. I'm thankful my mother has lived...and continues to live...past the age of 42.

The woman I met last night took a stand and finally decided to leave her abuser. And we all think that women who are in that situation should "just leave." But women who are financially dependant on their husbands, who have children, who are afraid, who are intimidated, and who are isolated from friends and family may not find "leaving" so easy to do.

Yes, women in abusive relationships play a key role in improving their own situations. No one can leave for them. However, in most cases, they can't do it alone either. They need support and resources, which are still grossly inadequate in many cities and states. Most cities are required to have more animal shelters than shelters for abused women and children. Does that make sense to you? Don't get me wrong, I'm an animal lover...but come on. Seriously?

Given that reality, I think the question we should be asking instead of "why don't they just leave?' should be "How did they manage to leave their abusers in the face of so many obstacles?" Maybe if the woman I hugged last night stays at the shelter, and I see her again, I'll ask her.


Monday, July 27, 2009

Happy Monday!

Monday blogs are so hard for me, because I find that I have no idea what I'm going to write about. I usually just have to wait until something hits me or someone suggests a topic - which is what happened today. So let's see if I can bring to life a subject given to me. Since it's Monday, I'll try to make it light and funny...well...with my kind of humor anyway.

A coworker was telling me that a guy she had been seeing seemed like a great guy at first, but then turned into a dick and she didn't see it coming. Now I find that there are usually signs that a guy (or a girl) is an asshole. But she asked me to tackle this issue from a woman's point of view, so the guys will just have to roll with us today :-) Her question? How do you tell a Mr. Nice Guy from a Mr. Dick?

A lot of men I know feel that the old saying "nice guys finish last" still holds true to this day. What is it about a nice guy that even nice girls don‘t want? This should be an interesting subject to kick off the week since most women think nice guys are extinct, and the nice guys scattered around the world say that they're hidden in plain sight.

So today, I'll try to list some of the guidelines we women use to tell if you're a Mr. Nice Guy or a Mr. Dickhead. Ladies, get ready to take an honest look at yourselves too!

That First Phone Call

Mr. Nice Guy - Gets your number in the club or wherever you meet him, and calls you the very next day. If he doesn't want to appear TOO thirsty, he'll wait a day or 2, but usually it's the next day. During the phone call, he sounds genuinely interested in what you have to say and makes good conversation all the way up until you get sleepy or YOU decide to get off the phone and call it a night (or call your boyfriend or other guy you met). The next day he calls you back like he said he would the day before and asks you how your day was. While he's listening to you attentively, you're ready to get off the phone and do other things (or another guy). When you talk to your girlfriends, you carelessly bring up the new guy you met and tell them that he seems really nice.

Mr. Dick - He spits some hellafied game at you in the club like the Mack Daddy Pimp that he is and gets your number...along with about three other women that night. He waits about four or five days to call you, but when he does he‘s a little more charming than Mr. Nice Guy. He pretends to listen attentively while making comments such as "for real?" or "Girl, you bullshittin'" while playing video games or flipping through channels. He quickly turns the conversation to sex, and after a juicy exchange where you‘re all moist and tingly, he tells you he'll call you back later. You don‘t hear from him for about two or three days. When he does call you back, you're so glad to talk to him again that you brush off the fact that he didn‘t call you back like he promised. He'll get off the phone first like he did last time, and you'll play yourself and make a sly remark like, "I guess I'll talk to you in another three days" so he gets the hint that you want to talk sooner. He hangs up and you don‘t hear from him for about a day or two. During that time, you talk to your friends and tell them about this guy you met that you are feeling but he doesn‘t seem to be that into you.

Sex the First Time

Mr. Nice Guy - He takes you out or invites you over for a home cooked meal for the fifth or sixth time - you've been dating kinda steady. He rubs your feet while playing nice music. Around the sixth or seventh date, you finally decide to give him some because you're horny. The sex is cool, but it was nowhere near fantastic because you weren‘t really into it like you know you could've been - and you really ain't feelin' him like that. When you wake up (if you even stayed the night), you give him a hug and maybe a peck on the lips and never come back. He calls you, but your conversation is short - or don‘t even bother to answer. You're almost always busy when he tries to see you again. You tell your girlfriends that he would make a better friend than a boyfriend and that he would make a good guy for "so and so."

Mr. Dick - He invites you over after 10pm (can‘t risk someone seeing you come in) or takes you out to the movies and Burger King if you're lucky. To get you in the mood, he puts on some R. Kelly and offers you some Hennessey and Coke to increase his chances, while breaking out the baby oil to give you a rub down. During his full body massage, he tongues your body better than your loofah sponge ever could before slipping on a condom without you knowing it, and slides right in. It feels so good that you forget the fact that this is y'all's first date and you let him hit it every way imaginable. After he rocks your world, you pass out in his bed (if he even lets you stay cuz he "has to work"). When you leave, you attempt to give him a hug and a kiss - and then you head home with your hair looking a hot mess. The next day you tell your closest girlfriend how he blew your back out and that you hope he doesn‘t think you get down like that on the regular. For the next few days, every time the phone rings you hope it‘s him.


Mr. Nice Guy - Calls and checks in like a good boyfriend and gives you the space and freedom you need to hang out with your girls. He surprises you with little gifts all the time. He cooks for you and is even nice to all of your friends...including the male ones. When you don‘t call or seem distant, Mr. Nice Guy has a hard time sleeping because he suspects something is up, but you don‘t care. You wind up cheating on Mr. Nice Guy one night and tell your girls how bad you feel for doing such a nice person dirty like that. The sex between the two of you starts to dwindle because you start sexing the guy you cheated with even more. Now when Mr. Nice Guy wants to have sex, you make excuses. When you do have sex, it‘s more of a sympathy screw than anything else, and is less likely to be enjoyed by either of you. You tell your friends that you think the relationship is coming to an end because you two are "growing apart."

Mr. Dick - Never calls when he‘s supposed to and he accuses you of cheating every time you and the girls go out. He‘s never home at all times of night, and when he is he doesn‘t answer his phone because he says, "the ringer was off so he could sleep." When the two of you are talking on the phone, his line beeps like crazy, but he tells you its his boys Ray Ray, Craig 'n Nem trying to get him to go out. His phone never rings when you‘re at his place because his ringer is always turned off. You don‘t cheat on this guy - instead you do everything in your power to show him that YOU are not cheating. You lie and tell your girls how good he is to you.


Mr. Nice Guy - Hates to argue, but when he does, he makes up for it by giving you some flowers or just sincerely apologizing - even if he hasn‘t done anything wrong. You argue with him in public, including arguing with him in front of his friends or yours. You make fun of him or take little stabs at him around other people and try to make him the butt of all your little annoying jokes. Mr. Nice Guy shrugs them off and smiles, all the while feeling embarrassed and irritated and secretly wants to choke the sh*t out of you. Although no one ever comes right out and says it, it‘s quite obvious that you don't respect him. You tell your girls that he's your bitch.

Mr. Dick - Hates to argue and you damn sure betta not neva argue with him in public or show your ass in front of company. You wouldn't dare talk back or try to clown him because he's already given you a list of do‘s and don‘ts. No, I'm not talking about a physical list - but more like a look your parents used to give when you did something wrong that told you you better straighten your ass up. If by chance the two of you do fight over something that‘s his fault, his apology sounds more like, "Baby, you know how I get nekkid so we can make up." It‘s obvious who wears the pants in this relationship, and you better stay in your lane. You tell your girls that sometimes your man gets on your nerves...but he's not that bad.

Standing His Ground

Mr. Nice Guy - Always agrees to see the movie you want to see because he wants you to be happy... and hopefully you will like him more. Here‘s the big one - even when you know that you were wrong and he was right in a big argument, he just lets you have your say. You talk mad trash to Mr. Nice Guy and constantly threaten to leave his ass since the two of you can‘t "get along anymore." You tell the guy that you are cheating with that you're getting tired of your boyfriend and you ask him if he can come over.

Mr. Dick - Never has a problem speaking his mind because he‘s not worried about you not liking him. He has no problem seeing the movie you want to see since nothing else good is playing anyway, and he figures he'll get some cool points for it. What you like about Mr. Dick is that he'll tell you in a heartbeat when you are wrong. You used to threaten to leave his ass but stopped because he took you up on your bluff - so now you figure that isn't such a good idea anymore :-) Even though this is the guy that you cheat with, you tell your Mr. Nice Guy that you hate guys like him!

Dropping by Unannounced

Mr. Nice Guy - From the very beginning, you knew Mr. Nice Guy would have no problem with you stopping by if you so happened to be in the neighborhood. Since you were feeling him a little in the beginning, you made it a point to drop in whenever you got the urge - whether that was before the club or afterwards. Mr. Nice Guy has a nice, cozy place of his own stocked with all your favorite shower gels and ice cream, and one quick "I'm on my way call" shows you got it like dat! One day you stop by with your girl just to show her what a nice place he has. On the way home, your girl high fives you and tells you that you better keep that one - but what you gonna do about Tyrone? You laugh and say as long as Tyrone keeps handling his business, everything is all good.

Mr. Dick - This guy doesn‘t come right out and say it, but you just know not to pop up over his place...EVER. If you do, you might get your feelings hurt, cuz it‘s a good possibility you won‘t get in...even if you see his car out front. Chances are he either has company...or is waiting for some. You wouldn‘t dare chance just popping up after the club, so you text him first to see if he wants some late night booty. If he accepts, you wait until your girls drop you off and then jump in your ride and head to his house so you can go get your back cracked.

Meeting the Folks

Mr. Nice Guy - The perfect guy to bring home to momma and daddy. His manners are flawless and the guy can even hold a conversation with your father without giving off the impression he‘s afraid. While sitting around the room with your folks, he‘s able to converse about everything under the sun...from Barack Obama and Gates to sports and entertainment. After dinner -before your mother can even start to clear the table - he jumps up and offers to do it for her, along with the dishes. When he leaves, your mom and dad tell you that he‘s a good man and really has a great head on his shoulders. You smile and tell them that you knew they would like him.

Mr. Dick - This is the guy you bring home ONLY to confirm what you already knew. Some of these cats are as slippery as a liar trained to pass a Polygraph Test, but you know your mom and dad can see right through him. At your folks place, he responds only when spoken to and doesn't make idle chit chat. When your father asks him a question about current events, he dances around the subject better than Diddy at the BET Awards. He pretends to be interested in what your parents are saying, the whole time watching the clock and thinking of an escape. However, if he‘s a genuine Dickhead, he has already pre-arranged his escape route by telling you beforehand that he can only stay for a little bit because he has to work. Your father doesn‘t really get a take on this guy because somehow Mr. Dick managed to maneuver out of every man-to-man sit-down with him. After dinner, he may also help with clearing the table, but only after he sees your mother has already started. If she says, "Don‘t worry about it, I can handle it," he gladly sits his ass back down. When he finally leaves, your folks tell you that he‘s okay, but that last guy you had over was better. You tell them that they just gotta get to know him :-)

I hope you found these scenarios to be a little amusing. However, these are just some of the situations I've experienced firsthand or have heard from other women. There are no clear cut signs that fit all people when it comes to determining if someone is a Mr. Nice Guy (or Girl) or a Mr. Dick (or "Dickette") LOL. At the end of the day, we have to keep our eyes open, be honest with ourselves and trust our judgment.

Mr. Nice Guys are out there, but may not show up in a woman's life but ever so often. On the other hand, we've all had our fair share Mr. Dicks to the point where we should be able to tell the difference between the two. They're not all wolves in sheep's clothing. Why is it that women tend to fantasize about meeting Prince Charming, only to run the other way when a nice guy comes along? Is the saying "nice guys finish last" indeed true? Have we really journeyed so far away from the times when it was conceivable to imagine that a man would open his lady‘s door, pull out her chair and treat her like a princess?

Were all Mr. Dicks once Mr. Nice Guys? Is the real reason there are so many Mr. Dicks in the world today because Mr. Nice Guys often get left hanging? Tell me your thoughts on this one. Ladies - ask yourself, which do you prefer? Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Dick? Or do you want a combination of the two? Be Honest! As Pretty Ricky would say, "No for real, stop playin'!"



Friday, July 24, 2009


So, my blog today was inspired by a friend and fellow SU alum who sent me a message on Facebook yesterday. It gave me such a chuckle I had write about it today. Kinda long, stay with me.

She told me I could post her note in the blog, so don’t think I’m putting her business on blast. Check it:

Hey Brooke,

So I was out on this date and suddenly thought of your blog. You might have written about this before. If you have, please let me know. I'd love to read about it. Either way, I have to share...

I'm dating this really great guy (from what I can tell). He's a gentleman who opens doors, always picks up the tab (even though I offer to help out), calls when he says he supposed to, affectionate, intelligent, physically fit, and attractive. So what's the problem?...I hate the way he kisses. I like to take my time and don't always kiss right away. Did I mention that he's not into rushing things? I digress...anyhoo, I didn't discover what a horrible kisser he was until a week ago, and we've been dating for over a month. He's hinting that he's "made up his mind," so I can tell that he's really into me. We were at a blues lounge tonight, sitting on the couch, and cuddling, but I cringed at every moment he went to kiss me, whether it was a little peck on the cheek or a more romantic one on the lips.

I kept trying to find a way to let him know gently about his technique, but felt so conflicted. When I polled friends earlier in the day, there was a racial divide. My white friends were saying "tell him," and my black friends were saying "run." I need to figure something out soon, because if I don't say something, I can't continue dating him. I'm constantly on guard preparing myself for the sloppy mess that is called a kiss. It's sad, but even my dog's kisses are drier than his. I don't want to continue walking around all sticky from the spit that has dried on my lips or face. WTF? Hope you have a good day and thanks for listening to me vent:-) See what your blogs have opened up!

Now, Dear Abby I am ANY means.

But “Dear Brookey” has this to say: TELL HIM. And then SHOW HIM. I know you may think his ego can’t take it…and maybe it can’t. Some folks don’t like to be given constructive criticism. But this dude seems like he’s really into you, so give him a chance to prove that he’s willing to learn. Most men are eager to please, and if he’s the great guy you say he is, then he will be no exception.

Now, I know what some women on here are thinking…cuz I thought the same thing. Most men, AND women, who can’t kiss, usually can’t…uh…how do I say this?…they can’t f*ck either. I know I could have been more tactful with that, but some things just need to be said a certain way. Since you two are taking it slow, chances are you won’t find out for a while if his sex is wack, and we shouldn’t make that assumption anyway. He could be the cat’s meow in that area for all we know. BUT, let’s get the kissing part down first, shall we?

Now, I can't tell anyone the RIGHT way to kiss, cuz this varies for many people. But what I can say is that below are some of the things that make someone a better kisser than MY opinion.

1. A good kisser, first and foremost, cares about oral hygiene. He or she does not smoke, eat onions, garlic, or strong cheese before they kiss you. They take care of all that with brushing and mouthwash before they pucker up. And no one likes the taste of alcohol second-hand! Gross! Always carry gum if you think you have halitosis.

2. A good kisser allows his or her partner to breathe. Sounds so obvious right? But you'd be surprised how many people smoosh your face in so close for so long that the tip of the other person's nose is pressed against a cheek and their mouth is caught in some weird suction action, which will promptly cause you to suffocate. Solution? Vary the intensity, position, and mouth action so your partner can breathe. Switch it up a bit...hard, then soft, slow...then intense. Come up for air, especially if your sweetie's nose is all stuffy because of allergies. Chances are he or she must rely on breathing through their mouth to live. Jus' sayin'.

3. A good kisser adds some real emotion to the moment. Project through your kiss just how much you care for him or her. This isn't a porno movie! No one's watching you (unless your partner is the eyes-open-while-kissing sort). Make it real. And take advantage of romantic moments to kiss. Walking in the rain, in the dark at the movies, while the other person is facing you laying in the bed having pillow talk. Unexpected kisses are usually the best.

4. A good kisser is open to new technique. A bad kisser thinks he or she is God's gift to tongue-waltzing, and isn't interested in improvements. I once kissed a guy that thought he was in the damn movies. All wet and forceful, like he was auditioning for a soap opera or something. He thought learning how to kiss from tv and the movies was the way to go instead of paying attention to ME and how we kiss TOGETHER. Then there's the dude who kisses you with his mouth completely closed, or who sticks his tongue in your mouth like a frog. Yeah, that may have been cool in junior high, but we grown now! And guess what? They didn't get better until when? UNTIL I SAID SOMETHING!

5. Which leads to my last point - A good kisser is a good communicator. We read how she didn't like the way HE kissed, but ask your partner if he likes how you kiss, what you can do better, etc. You have to work with HIM too. Be sure to tell your sweetie what you like the most about his or her kissing...and if you can't do that, compliment his lips saying how good they'd feel if he just slowed down or moistened them a little less. Use words, not vague tongue or lip hints, to get your point across. You deserve to get what you want in the lip-locking department. And your significant other does too! Ask him what HE may be surprised at what he says.

If he doesn’t seem willing to learn how to kiss you because his ego is getting in the way, then bounce. Offline, you said that physical and sexual compatibility were non-negotiable to you, so if that’s true, then it probably won’t get any better if he’s not willing to work with you on the lip smacking thing. But this seems to be his ONLY flaw. Kissing and Sex can be worked on…perfected even. But personalities are usually set in stone. You can make him a great kisser, but you can’t make him be a good person. Either he is or he isn’t, and he sounds like a good guy to me. Give him a chance. Having a great guy who needs help with his smooching is better than having an asshole for a man who has a mean stroke.

I’m sure others will add their 2 cents, especially the fellas. Before I go, you know I have to give you MY list of signs you’re a bad kisser :-)

10 Signs You’re a Bad Kisser

1. She decides she wants to be "just friends" after the first kiss.

2. She stuffs your mouth with gum every time you breathe.

3. If her lips look like Jay Z’s by the time you’re done, chance are you’re biting her lips too much AND too hard.

4. She never slips you the tongue.

5. She never initiates kissing.

6. She goes for other body parts (read: neck, cheeks, chest) and avoids your mouth like the plague.

7. She yawns in your face every time you go to kiss her telling you she's "so sleepy."

8. Her face is glistening after you finish kissing her and she asks for a towel or wipes her face with the back of her hand.

9. If you can see her, but she can’t see you…meaning your eyes are open and hers are closed, then let’s hope she doesn’t discover that somehow. People who constantly kiss with their eyes wide open are a bit creepy.

10. You see her kissing someone else…the right way :-)

Have a great weekend!


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- My family made it to Morocco safe and sound...thank you all for your prayers for their safe travels.

- I miss them already :-(

- I missed Black in America 2 last night cuz my cable is acting funky. Not cool. I'll have to tivo it and watch it at work...Time Warner coming on Saturday...dagnabbit!

- ...which means I'm gonna miss the second half tonight. We can discuss after I get caught up.

- This 60 year old Italian dude tried to mack me on the train yesterday...was adorable :-)

- I want fresh flowers for my desk.

- Maxwell is dreamy.

- 2:28, 2:29, 2:29, 2:31, 2:32, 2:37 AM - the times ole boy called AGAIN last night. F*ckery.

- Why did someone suggest I write a blog on anal sex yesterday? 1) I've never tried it. 2) If I HAD, how exactly do I write THAT blog? I write about sex...but slow down.

- Rameer would cringe and run and hide anyway.

- How do you feel about Kelis not letting Nas in the delivery room to witness the birth of their new baby boy? Hmmm....

- Anyone know a good poetry spot in NYC where they actually let "virgin poets" spit on the mic - a la Love Jones? Hit me up!

- Mo wants me to not only SPIN with her, but now SWIM with her too! Remind me why I'm killing myself again? Oh yeah...right...a friend supporting another friend in her triathlon training. Damn she lucky I love her ass! Please donate if you haven't already :-)

- I can't wait to read what DMoe is rockin' today. Probably some more hot ish I've never heard of before. I'm just gonna give him an empty iPod and let him do his thang.

- Oprah Winfrey, Jill Scott, Alicia Keys and Mary J. Blige are all my my head.

- I wanna put my braids back's gettin' too hot to be doing my hair.

- I want water ice...lemon.

- The show 16 and Pregnant traumatizes me.

- Did y'all hear the Naked Cowboy wants to run for Mayor of NYC? Buffoonery.

- I hate washing dishes.

- This week has been some of the best sleep I've gotten in a long time...and I can't wait to sleep in this weekend. I want to do absolutely NOTHING!



Happy Hump Day!

And while we're talking about "humping," let me take this opportunity to clear up a few things.

Many have commented to me offline about my "sex talk" as of late. People are asking if I'm okay or what's "wrong" with me. Some think I'm some sex kitten, while others think I'm a freak...and neither title bothers me :-) I won't try to convince you of what I am, or am not - but what I will say is that I'm being honest. It just is what it is.

I'm not writing about sex to grow my readership, to get votes for my nomination for the Black Weblog Awards (you have til the 25th to vote - hee hee) or to shock your sensibilities. I'm writing about it because it's been on my mind...a lot ;)

But sex to me is more than simply a biological function, and what I do or don't do in the bedroom is not a complete representation of the type of person I am.

Yes, I believe in human freedom and in liberating yourself from sexual inhibitions. I want to be able to be free to explore and express my sexual nature in its entirety. Yes, this open discussion is all for the benefit of promoting a better sex life. All true.

But that being said, I don't want the price I pay for sexual freedom to be diminishing sex itself or a corresponding dehumanizing of sexuality. For many people, there is nothing - at least of any consequence - to sex besides the purely physical act and the sensation that comes with it - no moral, spiritual or social dimension whatsoever. Sex is almost a form of exercise, a release...a stress reliever.

And while it may be beneficial in those ways, to me, sex is more than that. I can joke and tell you that my hormones are raging all day long. Actually, it's not a joke, it's the truth. It's hormonal. It's biological. I can't deny that it's there...and I can be as blunt about it as an elbow to the nose.

But what I struggle with more than wet dreams and broken toys has more to do with matters of the human spirit. My spirit.

For some folks, especially men, they can strip sex of all emotion. For me, the thought of removing emotion from sex ironically makes the sex very "un-erotic"...pornographic even. And hey, if that's cool with you, then rock with it!

But like I said before, sex is deeper to me than that. I'm not saying it has to be completely about love (or "extreme like") - but there's something to be said for simple physical-emotional passion. Sex for me means nothing if you strip it of all its mystery and spirituality. For me, when you do that, all that’s left are discussions about technique, if size matters, and "forget a man, I got a Rabbit." about more than just chemistry. It's about a connection. It means more to me than just an orgasm.

And this, my friends, is why I'm suffering.

People think I'm being a little "too open" with my sex life on my blog. And maybe there's something to that. After all, there are some areas of life that shouldn’t be subject to public scrutiny. Stated differently, some feel it just "ain't none of y'all's business." While I wouldn't call myself a prude, I do agree there are some things better left unsaid - which may be hard for some of you to believe since some think I'm somehow thrilled by my own "naughtiness," delighting in the belief that I've thrown off the shackles of inhibition.

But could it be that the stuff I'm peddling to you in the guise of sexual freedom and "honest discussion" is simply an indication of something missing? Because when you look behind all the X-rated chatter, you’ll find that the real issue with all this exposure isn't that I’ll let people see too much of me and my sexual self. It’s that if you look close enough, you'll discover that there isn’t anything significant being said. Sex with no love, no mystery...dare I say magic...isn't really much of anything worth seeing at all.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

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Monday, July 20, 2009

Sexy Man...

Happy Monday!

My ass is draggin' today. I could go right back to sleep. I drove back from Philly this morning, exhausted. Of course, I had no idea what I was going to write about, which happens most Mondays. Nothing was coming to mind until I logged onto Facebook and saw that someone posted this video to get my day started:

Everything that I find attractive in a man is featured in that video. Well...almost everything. Believe it or not, the appendage most men are obsessed with is actually the last thing most women notice when we first check you out. Don't get me wrong - we wonder about it. A lot even. But it's not the area our eyes are drawn to first. Why? Because we're not like most men. Not that much anyway. Well...not usually, at least. Ok, sometimes we're exactly like you...and maybe sometimes worse.

But for the purposes of this blog, I'm going to behave and have better control of myself, k? This is MY list of the 5 sexiest male body parts - and the men featured here have most...if not ALL...of these parts in one big 'ole sexy package! I could list more than 5, but we'd be here all day. It varies for some women, and others might place these in a different order. Let's get it on then, shall we? Uh...I meant to write...let's get on with it then...hee-hee :-)

1. Sexy Man Lips

I LOVE to kiss. Most women do. Actually, most of us prefer to be kissed. However you look at it, this makes lips a very important part of the male body. A soft, full mouth is totally sexy, so it's no surprise that we eye your smacker very closely when you're hovering near. We're thinking about how it would feel if you grabbed us and planted a nice juicy (NOT WET) kiss on our lips. God knows I've spent enough time imagining what it would be like to kiss LL's gorgeous pucker. The man has to actually know how to kiss though - otherwise it's just a waste. The best kiss is when a man cups your face in his hands and plants one on you softly but passionately. Men....if you don't do that, learn how to and do it regularly. Carry chapstick.

2. Sexy Man Eyes

Bedroom eyes are every Playa's secret weapon. Or, at least, they should be. One sexy, seductive stare from across the room and most women instantly start leaking. Of course, you have to know what you're doing. You can't just stare like a man who's starving, and she's a big ole steak! That could easily go from sexy to stalker'ish. If you can't do the sexy stare thing, you could always go for the serious "I'm so into you" look," or the "girl get yo' ass over here so I can tear it up look!" These are some sexy stares...

Usher Raymond

3. Sexy Man Arms

Oh. My. Gawd. Would you look at those arms? Geesh! I love a man who can just snatch me up, full embrace and just wrap me into him completely. Arms are a major source of attraction for a lot of ladies, for a number of reasons which I won't get into right now - just trust me when I say his arms are perfect for what I'm talking about. Think gettin' yo ass tossed around! Shoulders count too...makes us think you can hold yourself up suspended over us while you blow our back out - hot damn!

LL Cool J

4. Sexy Man Abs

I find stomachs to be EXTREMELY sexy - and believe it or not, a man doesn't have to have a six pack in order for me to be totally enthralled. In fact, I prefer that a man have just enough definition in this area beyond normal toning. But since most women like rock hard abs defined to the point where you just can't help but touch, here you go! However, most women agree, as long as you don't have a beer gut, we're pretty happy!

5. Sexy Man Smile

I could have probably tied this in with lips, but a man with beautiful teeth and a radiant smile is simply stunning to me. You can have nice lips and a jacked up grill, so I thought I'd separate the two. While this is last on my list, it's certainly not my least favorite feature. if you have a great smile, you've got me!

So there you have it - my list. Ladies and Gents, tell me your favorite body parts on the opposite sex and who you think possesses those parts perfectly :-) Go!

p.s. I've reached 200 posts! Time flies when you're having fun! Thanks for all the love!

Friday, July 17, 2009

TGIF like a mug!

(am I the only person who still says "like a mug?")

hee hee :-)

Anyway...I know today isn't TMI Tuesday...I know this. But Pretty Ricky's comment yesterday, coupled with a sexy chat with Ant last night, has inspired my post you have them to thank - or blame ;-)

Maybe instead of TMI Tuesday, we can call this "Freaky Friday." ;-)

In case you missed it yesterday, one of Pretty Ricky's random thoughts was that he was "hornier than the brass section of an orchestra." I was so tickled by that comment, because lately I've been feeling the same way! Actually, a lot longer than lately. About 2 weeks ago, The Fury asked if women were more horny in the summer time. My answer to that? When am I NOT horny?

Summer, winter, spring, name the season, I'm ready to get busy. I mean, yes...wearing less clothing and showing our flirty legs in flowing sundresses in the summer may make us feel sexier. Feeling the hot sun on bare flesh is intoxicating, and bronze skin is more alluring and seductive. I get it.

But all of that being said, in the dead cold of winter, I will still picture a fool naked in a skully, turtleneck and some timbs...makes me no nevermind. As a matter of fact, personally I think men and women want to warm up to each more in the winter. Ladies know what I'm talking about. That's when ole boy that you haven't heard from ALL summer pops up outta nowhere...talkin' bout...


I don't recognize this number

(probably because you deleted it from your phone months ago)

Horny Woman: Hello...

Ole Boy: Hey baby, how you been?

HW: Who is this?

OB: It's me, JT...damn, you forgot a brotha already?

HW: (asshole...but damn he fine) What's up?

OB: You...

HW: (he's full of shit, but his Barry White voice is KILLIN me) Me huh?

: Yep...can I stop by and see you?

HW: (I haven't heard from your punk ass all summer, NOW you wanna stop thru? Negro please) I dunno, haven't heard from you in a minute...and it's late.

HW eyeballs the crib to see if it's worthy of male company.

Bathroom clean - check. Living room clean - check. Kitchen clean and stocked with snacks and juice - check. Bedroom clean - well...I have a few articles of clothing on the bed and it's not made, but I can take care of that right quick.

OB: I know babe, but I been thinking about you. Let me make it up to you. I can be there in 20 minutes, I'm leaving the city now.

HW is now lighting candles, taking off clothes and heading to take a shower as he speaks...

HW: I dunno...I gotta work in the morning.

OB: Me too...just for a second, come on girl. I missed you.

HW looking for sexy panties....

HW: Okay...but just for a second.

See...that's how it all starts. And you'll be all cozied up til April Fool's Day, after which he'll promptly act a fool at the first warm breeze. Y'all know I'm right.

Anyway, where was I going with this? Oh yeah...right...horny. See what happens when you ain't gettin' none? Mind starts wandering and playing tricks on you.


Ever since I began my sexual ascent around age 30, I have been on a continuous hormonal roller coaster full of horny peaks and valleys. At the onset of one of those highs, my wet dreams usually kick into high gear and help me take the edge off...especially since I STILL haven't replaced my toy. But lately, even my wet dreams aren't helping, and a toy just won't do. I crave the experience of another person...I want to feel the weight of a man.

Needless to say, I'm revisiting an up swing in my sex drive. I’m constantly aroused - I can cross my legs or catch a good gust of wind and start tingling. This could be in part due to a hormonal shift, and the result is the equivalent of an 18 year old boy in heat. I don't know how you guys could stand this!

I like sex, always have...none of this has changed. But my need for sex has changed. Some days are worse than others - not suggesting that sexual arousal is ever a bad thing - but before I could take it or leave it. Some days I wanted sex, and other times I preferred sleep. But lately, my cravings are non-stop! Who is responsible for this malicious prank? Am I being punked?

Men hit their peak in their late teens to early 20's, when most are free from the responsibility of adulthood. But here I am, a grown woman, over 30-something, friends, family, career, living life...and horny. And no man in sight.

Yes, I could be promiscuous, non-selective, or just plain hoe'ish, and take care of this urge pronto. But as a mature, responsible and emotional creature, I can't bring myself to do it. I'm not built for it really. I have to at least like you, appreciate you, trust you, and not think you're a cornball in order to allow you into my sacred space. Sure, it may take care of my immediate needs, but then I'm left catching feelings in the morning. To avoid all that, I just keep my legs closed and my dreams as vivid as possible :-) Just being honest with myself...

But in all this honesty, am I denying myself? Am I reading too much into it? How does this "mature" approach to my current condition satisfy my need for sex on a daily basis?

It doesn't.

I have to wonder how other single women my age fair during this crazy time of life. Do these feelings bring about a need to seek gratification in ways you never thought you'd consider?

I guess this is a question for the ladies...can you help a sista out? Maybe I just need to dust off my platinum card to the Pink Pussy Cat and keep it movin'...

....damn, it is hot in here? IS summertime ;-)


Thursday, July 16, 2009

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

What's crackalackin' peoples!?

You have 10 more days to vote for my nomination for the Black Weblog Awards. You also have 10 more days to vote for Ant's blog and E. Payne's blog! So get to it, and tell a friend! We all appreciate your support!


- One day I'm going to write 100 random thoughts. Not any time soon though... :-)

- I have to figure out why it's hot as the damn devil in my apartment. I can be BURNING UP and then go outside and it's 20 degrees cooler. It's not that hot out, so I don't get it. I may have to break down and turn on the AC...dagnabbit!

- I've been enjoying the good conversation this week. Thank you Dwayne and Rameer.

- It's been a while since we've had a Random Thoughts Thursday where we reached 100 comments. Let's see what we get up to today.

- I wish The Fugees would get back together. But Ms. Hill is cray-cray.

- Single Women: would you consider dating a man who told you from the gate that he had 3 children with three different women...and he's never been married? Assume you have no children of your own.

- Single Men: would you consider dating a woman with 3 children with three different men...and she's never been married? Same have no kids of your own.

- My sister, brother-in-law and nephews are going to Morocco on Tuesday for a month and I'm going to be so sad when they leave. I hope they have a great time, but I'm going to miss them TERRIBLY. I wish I could go with them.

- Guess that means all my NY peeps will have to keep me busy! I'm gonna be stalking y'all!

- This spinning class tonight with Monica is gonna be MURDER! It's a "good hurt" though.

- My cousin wants me to meet her after spinning class so we can go hang out at the NAACP convention in town - she SWEARS my future husband is there.

- Maybe he is ;-)

- I need a makeover.

- I miss my braids.

- I need new bras.

- Nothing good is on tv.

- Debbie Rowe needs to go sit her ass down somewhere.

- Edy's Popsicles...strawberry!...and grape!

- Saw Harry Potter and fell asleep for like 20 minutes. I can never stay up for a Harry Potter idea why.

- Going to see The Ugly Truth on Monday...I think a good blog topic will come out of it. Dre, if you go, save me a seat this time punk!

- I wish I had continued playing the piano.

- I haven't had a Snapple in over a week! I feel like Pookie in New Jack City - "it be callin' me man, it be callin' me!"

- I love Yolanda's blog! I crack up every time I read it. I'm gonna borrow something I saw on Witches Brew - a clip of Karrine Steffans on the Today Show promoting her new book. If that name escapes you, you may know Karrine as "Superhead."

Supahead giving advice on getting and KEEPING a man? Why am I considering reading it though?! She's actually making some sense. Did I just say that? Really? Watch...and see for yourself:




Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Happy Hump Day!!

People have been hitting me up left and right to guest blog for me - I feel so special! :-) Today's guest is none other than Rameer, aka illabstract aka the god Dirty Backpacks :-) You know he's always got something to say...should be interesting!

That's What He GETS??? Rameer Green

Yeah, it’s ME. I’m not apt to want to guest blog for Meryl much – I think she has great topics, has a wide variety of people who can step in for her, and I’m pretty cool with just offering up my opinions within the blog. But lately, due to a prevailing opinion that I find very disturbing, I wanted to chime in with something. And frankly, whether it elicits a lot of responses or not, I don’t give a damn – SOMEBODY needs to say it.

There are many different things that can be said about each sex. Some are flat-out true speaking in a general sense (most American men like sports, most American women like Oprah); other things are very dependent upon personal experience, environment, etc. I could easily write a blog taking men to task on certain behaviors, and I can do the same for women. I tend to lean more in the direction of not doing either, cuz I surround myself with people who buck said stereotypes, clichés and generalities. I will offer up my opinions about each sex’s general things, cuz that’s what we all tend to do at times.

This blog, however, is directed at women – and something I have noticed lately that actually gets under my skin.

I’m completely sick of women using the Steve McNair and Arturo Gatti tragedies as some type of women’s rallying cry.

Seriously. I’ve seen women of all ages, races, backgrounds, etc. try to use this crap as some old moment to almost rejoice and essentially say “mm-hmm – that’s what they GET.” Has certain women’s bitterness just absolved the fact that two men were MURDERED?!? Women are using these two TRAGEDIES as some ol' "Waitin' To Exhale" bullcrap-rallying moment. Truth is, there are PLENTY of older men with younger women, and vice-versa in recent years. Trying to make it like an older man being with a younger woman is somehow asking for it is, in my opinion, ignorant and socially irresponsible. It depends on THE INDIVIDUALS, regardless of age. Lorena Bobbitt was close in age to John Wayne Bobbitt - that still ain't stop her from chopping off his Jimmy! Brenda Harvey was the same age as Lionel Richie - never stopped her from BEATING HIS A$$! And Al Green took some hot grits to the face from his girlfriend, who was close in age, I believe - before she killed herself. Crazy comes in ALL flavors and ages. But I hear women talking, posting on Facebook and blogs, etc. – “that’s what THEY GET.” To any woman who has reveled in either or both tragedies – how would you feel if a large percentage of men said “that’s what she GETS” in reference to Jennifer Hudson’s mother being killed? Or grouped together to give the prevailing opinion that MJB, Tina Turner and Halle Berry all deserved the a$$-whoopings they’ve taken earlier in their careers? Laci Peterson – she’s responsible for her own death, right??

I mean, overwhelmingly, the people I’ve seen speaking ill of these situations are women - upset that McNair was cheating with a young chick, or that Arturo and his wife were said to be arguing earlier in the day and he had pushed her down during the argument. That justifies DEATH?? I don’t excuse any bad behavior – but I don’t think if anyone is cheating (McNair), they deserve death.

And the thing being missed in all of this – those women upset about the fact that athletes may date younger, naïve women don’t get that this has gone on since the dawn of time. Men with power, respect, adulation and currency always have dated younger women, cheated, and acted certain ways. Not all of them, and it’s not a prerequisite – but it’s also not a surprise. These deaths are NOT going to stop the 80% of professional athletes out there with “sidepieces.”

But that’s neither here nor there. My issue is the almost "happiness" that some have exuded at the death of two dudes. What went on in their households was THEIR business. Whether morally wrong or not, I don’t react with the same vigor and enthusiasm that some females have over these deaths. And it shows me just how bitter in one’s own feelings a person can be to take a tragedy and use it as a tool to jump on a soapbox to talk about how “these men are.”

A male co-worker said something to me the other day somewhat in reference to this. He said, “You know – when we as men gather, we don’t sit around and bitch about what’s wrong with the opposite sex or our ladies. But women don’t go a week without saying something negative about men or their man in general.” Now, I don’t agree that ALL women do that, and that no men bitch. But I WILL say that percentage-wise, I would agree that groups of women inevitably complain/talk about/put a critical lens to the male species way moreso than men. Even in the barbershop, we tend to clown the guy with that “all bitches are the same” mentality. “Naw, man – not MY girl. YOU just choose them hoes!” “Well, if you wasn’t so stuck on stupid choosin’ them crazy ones…” and so on.

I think it’s the overall attitude of some women that leads to this destructive mentality. Oh, men are not free of guilt – you have no idea how I can go on and on about our faults. But I’ve NEVER heard guys offer an overall “validated death” attitude over the murder of a woman by her husband/loved one. The closest thing was Nicole Brown Simpson, and that vibe was more like, “I understand how it could happen” rather than, “that’s what she GETS.”

I posted this as my Facebook status last week cuz it’s funny, but TRUE. It’s from comedian Corey Holcomb, who’s famous for his “ignant” comedy:

“Ladies, if you’re over the age of 30 and you still think ALL men ain’t sh*t…YOU’RE THE PROBLEM.”

I would say the same thing about a man over 30 thinking similarly as well.

Rest in peace to Steve McNair and Arturo Gatti - two of the great athletes of our time. Blessings go out to their families. Let them rest. The truth of the situation is what it is…it should not be used as an “Amazonian Masterhood” moment.

My $1.27 worth.


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Happy Fantabulous Tuesday!

So yesterday I wrote about the advantages of being single. Well, of course there's a flipside to every coin, and the grass always appears to be greener on the other side of the fence. Here to give us the benefits of being married - fresh from his honeymoon (and HIS green side of the fence) is Dwayne "DMurray" Murray. Let's see what he has to say, shall we?

I Love Her Dirty Dwayne Murray

I just got back from my honeymoon and this is my second day at work. Yesterday I read Brooke's blog and I chose not to respond because I wanted to see what everyone else had to say about the benefits of being single vs. being married. Don’t get me wrong, being single does have its advantages. However, being married does too. Having been married, gone through a bitter divorce (don’t ask what did I do wrong because SHE cheated), been single again (or a "Washington" as one person told Brooke) - I am now married again to a wonderful woman...and SU Alum! So I wanted to take a swag at the advantages of being married.

1. I have someone to plan my future with. It is a beautiful thing to put a plan together and share your vision with the one you love. I don’t know about anybody else’s wife, but my girl likes sports as much as I do. Sure, she likes the Cowboys and I like the Redskins, but so what?! From September to January we may be fighting anyway!

2. We have more spending power. I love my parents and all my cousins and such, but they have theirs and we have ours. Two incomes are better than one. So if she buys that purse, I won't trip out, so long as I can buy my tailor-made suits and we can still pay the bills without worry. When we can’t pay the bills, then we have a problem.

3. I go back to planning on this one. It's cool to plan a future with someone. You just can’t assume communication is key. WE can do whatever we want. Two people have now become one. It is all about the person. “Baby lets grab a bite to eat after work. Don’t go home...come straight to the restaurant.” Be spontaneous. It can happen in a marriage.

4. Sure I can invite whomever I like, but who would I want to be with and share something with more than my best friend? My wife. She understands me and I love her dirty drawz! She knows I like the Lakers, but she hates Kobe and still goes to the games. Why? Because it puts a smile on my face. She scored tickets to Cats - that play is horrible to me. Would she be dragging me along if I went with her? No...because it brings her joy and making her happy is my life’s work. If you go all out for me, I sure as hell will do the same. When you don’t go all out for me, I will still go all out for you because I love your dirty drawz! Wanna go with girls instead…really? Ok fine, have a good time. Here is some more cash. Oh, and make sure you wear your freakum dress! But you are going to tell me all about it when you get home and wish I was I'm confused…

5. Solitude is awesome; we share it all the time. You can do you and I can do me. That is what makes respecting each other's space so awesome. It's nice to have it - even nicer when someone is considerate enough to give it to you.

6. It's cool to have someone who is up for whatever. Ryde or die…she shocks me on a regular basis. She wanted to ride ATVs, go fast roping and mountain biking on our cruise. I thought she was an uppity chick from Maryland! “Who are you and what have you done with my wife?” She told me she liked this stuff but thought I wouldn’t. So we are still learning about each other’s likes and dislikes. That is what makes life great - the journey.

7. Sex. Well it should get better with time. As I originally stated, I was married before. So I have had two different experiences. Honestly, with the ex, it was a chore from the beginning. It had to be the perfect storm to get some. I'm surprised we have a kid; I must have just been pretty efficient! I do have a theory. You have to make time for what got you there in the first place. Do whatever you have to - take a class, read a book...whatever you gotta do. For those who are married and think sex is a bore, communicate and learn something new about your partner’s body. After that, learn something else. The body is ever changing and will continue to until we die, and so will what works. That’s the only bedroom advice you get from the retired pimp! Sex should be full of excitement until you croak!

8. You have not decreased your family size, you have increased it. Set boundaries. Family and friends will always want your time. But you set out on a different plan and new path to establish your own traditions, norms and practices. My wife is my family...and my friend.

9. We all long to be single and dating somewhere in our head. We also wish we were back in college when all we had to do is go to class. Now I look at the silly things my wife says or does and we share our laughter with or about other couples. Every couple does. The comic relief from other friends and family are a hoot too. The laughter, love of life and thrill of being alive should not fade. It should intensify.

10. I do snore. I have nasty toes. But I also have a king size bed. She can move as far away from me a possible. I try not to steal the covers, but when I do, I get the title of "Cover Commando!" I call her "The Little Mermaid" because in the shower she has to be completely under the water. But I would not trade it for the world. I am happy just the same. I wake up each morning and think about how lucky I am to be in love and have someone in love with me. If it ever fades, all I need to do is think back to these days and remember the laughter and love that filled my heart from the first kiss - or the night she looked in my eyes and told me she loved me for the first time. That is etched in my memory and is the fabric of my soul. Sure, I would like to be a newlywed everyday for the rest of my life - and I will treat each day as such...newly-wed. If you want to be single for life, that's cool. But to share your life with someone for the rest of your life is an honor and an awesome responsibility that I enjoy every day.

Did I mention I love her dirty drawz?

Live - Love - Laugh!


Monday, July 13, 2009

Hola mi gente!!

What a gorgeous weekend we had! I went to a wedding on Friday night, a birthday party Saturday night and to the beach and over a friend’s house on Sunday. It was one of the best weekend’s I’d had in a long time.

At the wedding, I danced with a fun guy who was in the wedding party. The top if his head came to my breasts, so he got to dance with the girls all night. The entire night he kept asking me where my man was. Each time I told him I didn’t have one, he’d ask, “why are you single?” I just turned my back to him as EU’s “Doin’ the Butt” played and I made him sweat.

When I wasn’t dancing, people would come up to me and say, “What a great wedding! When are you getting married?” My answer? “Let me get back to you on that one.”

Fast forward to Saturday night – the birthday party. A nice guy named Shawn buys me a drink and proceeds to tell me how great my smile is. He’s sweet, funny and touches my hand for emphasis when he speaks every chance he gets.

“So, are you a Washington?” he asks.

“Excuse me?”

“A Washington...single...?”

Never heard that one before.

“Yes, I am,” I reply.

“You can’t be…why are you single?”

I never know how to answer that question – and it always sounds silly to me, no matter how it's asked.

"Why are you single?"

"Why are you single?"

"Why are you single?"

I only have one snappy comeback that I borrowed from Cher - "The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing—and then they marry him."

That gets a chuckle, until it sinks in.

Maybe instead of thinking of snappy comebacks, I should list the top 10 advantages of being single - for ME anyway. Being in a relationship is great; and this is in no way to suggest that being single is better than being coupled up...but for me, being single means…

1. I can do whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want, as much as I want to. And can’t nobody say boo about it. The remote is all mine. I can drink right out of the orange juice carton if I feel like it without looking over my shoulder to see if someone’s looking at me sideways. And I can sleep in all damn day if I want to.

2. I can splurge on an expensive handbag and not have to explain myself or justify the expense. I bought it cuz I felt like it, don’t worry about how much it costs :-)

3. I only need to keep track of one schedule – MINE. “You wanna go to a game tonight?’ Yep. “Wanna grab some dinner after work, say…8?” Absolutely. “I scored tickets to a play for next Thursday, wanna check it out with me?” Hell yes!Do you have to check with anyone about that first?” Nope. When you’re single, your schedule is yours and yours alone. My needs are primary right now, so I make the most of my freedom.

4. And I can invite whomever I like! Sure, couples can take comfort in knowing they always have a date for a wedding, birthday party or other social event. But there’s a lot to be said for being able to pick from a pool of friends and dates depending on the function. There’s no dragging around a boyfriend to events they don’t want to go to making sure he’s not annoyed or bored, and there’s no stress about my current boo flipping out on me cuz I’d rather go see Jay-Z with my girls than with him. I have mad partners-in-crime to pick from, guilt-free!

5. I can revel in the sound of silence - read a book, take a nap, watch a movie…do whatever I want and just enjoy my own company. No one is asking me where I’m going, what I’m doing or when I’ll be back.

6. I’m more likely to be spontaneous when I only have me to think about. I decided at the last minute to go to the Dominican Republic by myself and had a blast! The “you-only-live-once” mentality tends to work better on one person at a time since there’s, well, just one person to worry about and one schedule to wrangle. Whoever’s down for an adventure can come along – let’s go!

7. My life is full of passion—and possibility. Let’s be honest: The cliché about sex getting dull after awhile with the same person is a cliché because it’s true; and my married friends talk about boring sex or lack of sex to me all the time. If you have kids, okay…I get it. But if you don’t and you don’t have a demanding job that requires you to fly around the world, then you have no excuse. I don’t get this “sex stopping after you get married” crap. If that inevitably happens, then I’ll take my time getting married, thank you. Don’t take this to mean that I’ll have random, casual sex with just anyone just because I’m single (even though I can if I want to), but it means I can spend my whole night flirting like crazy with every dude I see if I get the urge. It means I can still get weak in the knees when I kiss a date for the very first time. And it means I can have a marathon night of sex full of excitement and surprises simply cuz it’s new – the kind that old married couples don’t seem to have anymore…IF I wanted to ;-)

8. What I also find fun is that my coupled up friends seem to live vicariously through me, even though I wouldn’t say my life is THAT exciting. But they are very entertained by my dating stories…the good, the bad and the ugly. They laugh when I tell them about the wack ass HERB I went on a date with, or they “oooh’ and “ahhhh” when I describe this hot guy I went out with and how he could kiss his ass off! I say all this to say that I sometimes realize what a crazy, silly, exciting and adventurous time I’m having while I’m single - and that I should appreciate it.

9. I can spend quality time with my friends and family. I don’t have to negotiate what I’m doing on a particular weekend or whose family I’m spending the holidays with. A lot of my coupled friends mark up calendars with “his Mom” and “her Dad” days blocked out, and spending a lot of their other time stressing about traveling between the two. But me? I get to spend my time during the holidays and weekends with the family and friends I choose. Whether it’s Thanksgiving dinner or a quiet day chillin with one of my girls, it’s all up to me to decide who I’m gonna share my happy self with!

10. And last but not least, a benefit to being single is nobody ever hogs my side of the bed, steals my covers, wakes me up by snoring or cuts me with ice-cold scissor toenails. And every single night, I nod off knowing that I’m sleeping with someone who I know truly loves me for me. Me.

My answer to why am I single?

“...why aren’t you?”


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