Monday, February 28, 2011

Happy Monday!

So last week while on the E train, I heard a guy and a girl going back and forth in what seemed to be a friendly debate. She kept saying, “You never came, you never came!”

Now, I have to admit, I was wondering what the hell she was talking about.

Came? Came where? How? With who? ;-)

She noticed that I glanced her way and she smiled at me in a ‘SMH’ way as he said, “You never invited me!”

Ah…she must be saying he never came…to her house. Or something like that. Nothing juicy.

Now he’s looking at me grinning at my perceived disappointment that they weren’t talking about anything sexual.

Finally she says to me, “Who do you believe? Me or Him?”

I told her that since I don’t know either one of them, I’d need specifics.

“I’ve invited him to my apartment several times, but he never came.”

Before she could even finish her sentence, he jumps in, “I’m a man! If she had invited me, you know I’d go.”

Now they’re both looking at me in a “Hurry up, our stop is coming up next and we need your answer NOW” type of way.

I asked, “Are you two dating?”

She says, “Oh no, we’re just friends.”

“Well maybe he wants to be MORE than just friends, so he doesn’t want to come to your place because he won’t be able to control himself. Maybe he’s just trying to be a gentleman" I suggest.

He doesn’t say anything, but she quickly dismisses my theory.

“Oh no, we’re just friends. He’s damn near pre-engaged to his girl.”

The look on his face is now a defeated one.

I turn to him.

“Is this true?”

“Yes. I guess you can say that.”

Trying not to sound too judgmental I say, “Well, if so, then what does being a man have to do with anything? Are you saying that even in your ‘pre-engaged' state you still would have gone to her place if she invited you because ‘you’re a man?”

He looks down at his feet nervously. “Well, that was just my fast reply cuz I couldn’t think of anything better to say, but you both shot that down….so….”

“SEE!!!?” she squeals.

But then I add – now looking at her, “Well, maybe it’s BECAUSE he’s pre-engaged that he hasn’t been to your place. Maybe his ‘pre-engaged girlfriend’ wouldn’t like it if he’s at another woman’s house. It’s obvious you two are good friends, so maybe him going to your place wouldn’t sit well with his girl and he knows it, so he doesn’t want to come over in order to keep the peace and respect his girlfriend.”

She looks at me as if I’d just cracked the Da Vinci code or something.

And he looks at me like “DING, DING, DING, DING! Tell her what she’s won Johnny!”

The doors open up and all three of us get off. I walk ahead, but I can hear her saying “Is that true? Is that the reason? Well then let me meet her so she’s not worried, why didn’t you say something, blah blah blah.”

To me it wasn’t rocket science. And why did she want him to come over so badly anyway? None of it made any sense to me since I didn’t know what led to the conversation…but whatever. She probably thought having him over was no big deal, while to him, going over there could have been the start of a world war.

Most of my male friends have behaved differently towards me once they start dating someone – and I get it - especially if I know they once had an interest in me. It may seem awkward for them to confide in me once they start dating someone new. Or maybe they want to still hang out with you, but haven't figured out how to walk the thin line between remaining close friends with me while still respecting their girlfriends.

I’ve had male friends who have told me they got engaged, and I didn’t even know they were dating anyone. Some kept their girlfriends a secret until the very last minute – maybe because they were holding on to their “singlehood” for as long as they could…who knows. I’ve even dated men in the past who have gone on to marry other women and were afraid to tell me – or didn’t tell me until they were expecting their first child…even though I chatted with them on almost a daily basis. And I'm sure I've dated men who kept ME a secret from their female friends as well.

I never understood it. I always thought that if we’re just friends, no matter how we got to be that way, you can and should be able to tell me anything. And if your new girl would be upset that we’re good friends, then that’s understandable and should be something we can discuss. I got the feeling that the dude on the train wasn’t being fully honest with his female friend - as if he was afraid to admit that he valued his relationship with his girlfriend and didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it or cause conflict. Maybe that’s why some men keep personal details to themselves…and keep their female friends and their significant others in completely differently worlds far, far away from each other.

One of my guy friends told me that his new wife told him that he could only keep ONE female friend. She has to be an “old” friend…not anyone “new.” And once he chose that friend, he had to give his wife the friend’s phone number, and he wasn’t allowed to talk on the phone or hang out with this one female friend past sunset.

No…I’m not making this up.

I know this because I’m the female friend he chose. I thought her rules were a little extreme, because after all…what can’t be done during the day BEFORE sunset that can be done after dark? Some of the best nookie I’ve ever gotten has been in the early afternoon - and temptation can hit you at ANY time…but I digress… :-)

Anyway, as absurd as I thought her rules were, I had to respect them. He loved his wife, and in order to keep his friend and make her happy, those were the compromises he was willing to make for the sake of his marriage. Did it seem to suggest a lack of trust? In my opinion…yes. But she’s not my wife, it’s not my relationship, and it’s none of my business. As his friend, it’s my job to support him…even if his wife might be an insecure lunatic.

Either that or she caught him cheating before and is determined to keep him on a short leash. Again…who knows.

Anyway, this was a long story told to ask a short question: Do you find that you or your platonic friends change once you/they are in a relationship? Do you automatically set new boundaries for your platonic, opposite sex friends once you start dating someone seriously, or do you interact them the same way you always have? Do you think the rules should change between you and your close, opposite sex friends once you get seriously involved or should your new boo accept your friends in your life on your terms?

Let’s hear it!



Friday, February 25, 2011

Today is my birthday :-)

But for the past month, it didn’t feel like my 38th year on Earth was approaching. Normally, as soon as February 1st hits, I’m in a celebratory mood. I look forward to celebrating with friends and family the entire month.

But this month was different. My cat, who is like a child to me, was getting sicker and sicker. And then I caught what seems to be El Diablo of colds….probably a flu…and I’ve been trying to shake it for weeks now. Coughing, wheezing and trying to love up my cat as much as I can - that’s all I was focused on. At the start of this week, someone asked me what I was doing on Friday and I said, “Going home, why?” I didn’t even remember what day it was. My special day didn’t seem like it was going to be special at all.

Until 7:05 this morning when my cell phone rang. In a sleepy haze, I reached around for my phone and couldn’t even open my eyes wide enough to read the display to see who was calling. I answered a groggy “hello”….and then…

“Happy birthday to youuuu, happy birthday to youoooo, happy birthday dear Auntieeeee! Happy birthday day to youooooo!”

I felt my spirit rise and a smile stretched across my face. My gorgeous, amazing nephews were the first to serenade me with birthday wishes….and my birthday suddenly became the special day it’s always been.

I said my “thank you’s” and “love you’s” as they argued over where to throw my birthday party when I came home to Philly – the “bowling place” or Chuck E. Cheese. My sister broke up the fight by saying that “Auntie can choose when she gets here.”

“We can have my party at both places. Bowling on a Saturday, Chuck E. Cheese on the following Sunday,” I reassured them.

“Yay!!!!” they yelled in unison. It occurred to me right then and there that birthdays aren’t just for you – they’re for everyone that loves you as well.

Whether you’re sick, or some challenge or issue is keeping you in a funky mood, there is always a reason to celebrate life. As my dad reminded me this morning, every day is a birthday…a chance to begin anew. The actual birth date is just the milestone we celebrate to remind us to be thankful for all of God’s blessings…and His grace to see us through to another year under His mercy.

I was going to “skip out” on this birthday…sit it out. I thought to myself, “Maybe I’ll celebrate next year when I’m feeling better. Or when I’m not sad over Cole.” But then I realized that next year isn’t promised. I shouldn’t hold back on this year because of a cough or because of sadness, because there’s no telling what I’ll miss if I’m not fully present right now, and there may not be another go-around.

At first I felt guilty, like…”how can I be happy and celebrate my birthday when I’m so sad over my cat’s illness?” It didn’t seem right. To those without pets or a love for animals, this may sound a bit silly to you. But anyone who knows me knows that this is heavy on my heart, because my pet is my family.

After I hung up with my sister and nephews while still lying in bed, my cat walked into the bedroom, meowing. He barely makes a peep nowadays, but he walked into the room as if he was singing a “good morning” to me. I watched him slide over to the side of the bed and I reached out my hand to pet him. He stopped just short of my hand and looked up at the bed. For weeks now, he’s been too weak to jump up on the sofa, let alone the bed. I saw in his eyes that he was going to attempt…so I made room to catch him so he wouldn’t fall back to the floor if he couldn’t make it. But to my surprise, he made it! – jumped with full strength…and then cuddled up to me and licked my hand and rubbed his face against mine. Tears streamed down my face because it was like he knew it was my birthday, and he wanted to be near me. I was late for work this morning because I laid with him for another half hour, just petting him and loving him.

Those moments are the ones you wish you had more of. I’ve never wished to spend more time at work, but I know one day I’ll wish I had more time with Cole. Work isn’t going anywhere. They can wait.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, sad and to try to shut everything out. No one is promised complete immunity from the discords of living a human life. Problems, sickness and sadness inevitably arise, but they can only lead to blessings because through the discord we rise higher in consciousness…and this ultimately brings harmony. To move through darkness into the light, we have to empower ourselves by discovering resources of joy, peace and wisdom. This gives us the strength to withstand being overpowered, either by outside forces, or from within ourselves - and to feel, live and love life first hand, to exist fully.

Birthdays remind us that every experience that we have, year to year, is a positive lesson in our lives that invite us to learn and grow. This year, my lesson is to receive and accept each lesson with gratitude, even before I know what the benefits might be. I rejoice and give thanks when difficulties occur, not because of the suffering involved, but because of what will come of it. Faith produces courage and prepares you to meet any obstacles that come your way, as well as prepares you to expect only the best that God has to offer. I can’t wait to see what this year brings, and I’m thankful God has seen me through and given me the celebratory spirit I need to live a full life now. I hope you all come celebrate with me!


Thursday, February 24, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- For some reason, it doesn't feel like my birthday is tomorrow.

- Probably because I've been fighting a cold and worrying about my cat. I can't think of anything else.

- I want chocolate. I also want these Girl Scout cookies I've been avoiding for weeks now.

- I am going out to dinner for my birthday tomorrow though, so hopefully that makes me feel better.

- A friend of mine asked me to pose this question to the blog. I'll change the names to protect the innocent :-) She is engaged and her fiance wants her to eliminate her maiden name altogether. So for example, if her name is Angela Franklin, and her fiance's last name is Washington, she wants to make her maiden name her middle that her name will now be Angela F. Washington. He, on the other hand, wants her to get rid of "Franklin" completely, leaving her name to just be "Angela Washington." What say you? Is he justified....or is he trippin'?

- I hope that wasn't too confusing :-)

- Libya is a mess. And they're saying gas prices could reach $5 a gallon by Memorial weekend if the chaos continues. What's going on??!!

- I brought steak for lunch, but forgot the Pio sauce to go with it :-( Now I want sushi.

- Did any of you see this billboard? What do you think of it?

I didn't like all.

- Now I have a taste for tacos. Weird.

- I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks. Not good. But I want to make sure I'm completely well again before I go back, otherwise I'll relapse and be sick some more.

- I can't believe February is almost over. Spring is just around the corner!

- Carmelo Anthony is a NY Knickerbocker...and the city is on fire! Some say they gave up too much for him...what do you think? Or do you even care?

- Knicks ticket prices are through the roof now! Geesh!

- I want to shop for shoes. I need new shoes.

- Still haven't gotten my taxes done. Trying to schedule an appointment today.

- Iyanla Vanzant was on for Part 2 with Oprah yesterday. She's a bit crazy, but she lost a child. Burying a child is enough to make anyone a lil nuts.

- It's never good weather on my birthday. Tomorrow they're saying drenching rains, a flood watch and gusting winds. Nice.

- At least it's not a blizzard like last year.

- I could use a good hot stone massage.

Check out this high school senior's dunk:

- Brian's throwback for this week!

Double XX Posse - Not Gonna Be Able To Do It
Uploaded by zielonycd. - Watch more music videos, in HD!



Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Happy Hump Day!

So as I laid stretched out in my bed this morning unable to rise from the warmth of my thick blanket, I turned up the volume on the radio to hear what the morning talent were discussing as one of the topics of the day.

Cheating...same ole same ole.

But it wasn't the typical, "Why do men/women cheat?" question. It was more along the lines of, "When you cheat, do you cheat UP or cheat DOWN?"


The theory was that women cheat UP and men cheat DOWN. After all, it's rarely argued that BOTH men and women cheat - no surprise there. However, they may cheat for different reasons. It's believed that women cheat for emotional reasons, and men cheat for physical reasons. Or women cheat out of spite or revenge, and men cheat out of convenience. We can discuss the reasons why all day long, but the cheating UP and cheating DOWN discussion is what intrigued me more.

One woman said the man she cheated on her fiance with was better looking, made more money and had a bigger "package." She said if she was going to risk losing her fiance, it might as well be with man who was worth it. The men, however, said they cheated down, because no one was as good as wifey at home....they just needed a physical release and the "down chick" was there.

So what say you? If any of you are bold enough to admit to cheating, when you did the deed, did you cheat UP or cheat down? If you want to get into the specifics of why you cheated, feel free. Since I know most of you WON'T admit to cheating, tell us if your "friend" cheated up or down and why :-)

Let's go!


Friday, February 18, 2011


First, I must get some birthday shout-outs out of the way! Happy Wonderful Birthday to Brian (of RTT Throwback fame), Miss Lylah and Ms. Nay! I hope you all have an awesome day and a great weekend planned. Brian's party tomorrow night will be so much fun, can't wait! Hope to see you there!

Now, for the movies....

This week, name the best lines from these 4 movies:

1. Hollywood Shuffle

2. I'm Gonna Git You Sucka

3. The Last Dragon

4. Juice

Bonus: Booty Call. I can barely remember this movie, but someone told me it was a "classic." Not sure that I agree, but if you all can come up with lines from this flick, I'll be impressed.

Anyway, I would give my list, but I was told that I always take the "good lines" I'll jump in later!

"Who's the masta?....Sho 'Nuff!"



Thursday, February 17, 2011

Good afternoon everyone.

- I'm sad today. I've been sad (and sick) all week...and this morning I came to the realization that I have to put my cat down within the next week or so. I took Cole to the vet, and they agreed it's the best thing for me to do. I can't stop crying even though I know it's the right thing to do. Please pray for us...I need a hug and some strength.

- Not really in a random thoughts mood.

- Conflicted on how I feel about Mike Vick not doing Oprah. On the one hand, a pardon from Oprah is like a pardon from the President. All will be forgiven...for the most part. But on the other hand, I feel like he's apologized a million times, paid his dues for it and said all he's had to say by now. Oprah may touch on football, but her interview will be about dog fighting and redemption, and I think we're over it by now. Who knows...I can't think straight today.

- I hate being sick.

- Why are some people so childish and immature? It should never surprise me when I see it, yet it still never ceases to amaze me how grown ass people behave sometimes.

- The other night at dinner, a couple sat through their entire meal and neither uttered a word to the other. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. Why bother even going out if you're going to ignore each other and stare at your food and stew all night? Just be mad at home.

- I've been drowning myself in tea and meds and nothing seems to be working. I even tried to "sweat it out" last night...and all I did was make myself wake up with wet feet (from my fuzzy socks) and a soaked scarf from sweating all night. Not the way I want to sweat out my perm :-(

- NeNe Leakes is a bit nuts...but I still seem drawn to her for some odd reason. Not sure if I'm gonna watch Celebrity Apprentice or not, but I may check in just once to see her get in Star Jones' face.

- I should have stayed home again today. Don't feel like being at work.

- But looking at my lovely roses from Monday is making me feel better. They're blooming beautifully. Thanks sweetie :-) Sooooo appreciated :-)

- Brian's throwback this week - the REAL L-Boogie! Don't forget, his party is Saturday if you want to come through. I'm treating his party like MY party, so I'll be celebrating my birthday on Saturday as well. Come thru Blondies on W. 79th between Broadway and Amsterdam if you're in the area!



Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I wasn’t really planning on writing a Valentine’s Day blog today. Everyone knows what kind of person I am – I love love. All of it – flowers, candy, poetry, lingerie, romance – you name it, I’m all for it. Not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day.

But Jaz brought up something last week in Random Thoughts Thursday that I often thought about myself - people who hate Valentine’s Day. So since she asked me to write about it…and Serena cosigned…I figured why not discuss it today.

Now, for those of you that don’t know the history of Valentine’s Day, let me give a bit of it to you as described in Wikipedia.

The Early Medieval acta of either Saint Valentine were expounded briefly in Legenda Aurea. According to that version, St Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and had a discussion with him, attempting to get him to convert to Roman paganism in order to save his life. Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed. Before his execution, he is reported to have performed a miracle by healing the blind daughter of his jailer.

Since Legenda Aurea still provided no connections whatsoever with sentimental love, appropriate lore has been embroidered in modern times to portray Valentine as a priest who refused an unattested law attributed to Roman Emperor Claudius II, allegedly ordering that young men remain single. The Emperor supposedly did this to grow his army, believing that married men did not make for good soldiers. The priest Valentine, however, secretly performed marriage ceremonies for young men. When Claudius found out about this, he had Valentine arrested and thrown in jail.

There is an additional modern embellishment to The Golden Legend, provided by American Greetings to, and widely repeated despite having no historical basis whatsoever. On the evening before Valentine was to be executed, he would have written the first "valentine" card himself, addressed to a young girl variously identified as his beloved, as the jailer's daughter whom he had befriended and healed, or both. It was a note that read "From your Valentine."

Now, having read that, it seems that this is a holiday that celebrates a massacre. Yet, some find the “romance” of this story alluring. We find reasons to celebrate anything in this country, so love should be no exception.

Yet there are some who hate this holiday. Now, if you believe that it’s wrong to celebrate based on the history of Valentine’s Day, this blog isn’t for you. If you’re someone who does not celebrate pagan holidays period, then this blog isn’t for you. But if you hate this holiday because the sight of other people celebrating love nauseates you, then you need to get over it.

I’m not one to tell people what they should and/or should not celebrate. It’s none of my business, and I wouldn’t want anyone telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing either. If you want to celebrate Groundhog’s Day, Independence Day, President’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Christmas, birthdays, whatever – that’s all great and wonderful. And I do believe that we should celebrate love and tell the people we care about that we love them every day, not just one day a year. But most people I know DO celebrate love all year round…they just like to do a little extra on February 14th – and I find nothing wrong with that.

I don’t personally know any women who hate Valentine’s Day. Now, I know women who don’t celebrate every year, or who don’t make a big deal of it. But hate it? I don’t know one. I’m sure there are several out there, I just don’t know any.

But men? I know SEVERAL who hate this day. Not because St. Valentine was murdered. Not because it’s not a religious holiday. They hate it because they think it will break their pockets.

Yes, like most other holidays, Valentine’s Day has become very commercial. It’s not enough to take a piece of red cardboard paper and write, “Roses are red, violets are blue…” on it. Now, men feel pressured to spend their hard earned cash on flowers, cards, candy, Victoria’s Secret and fancy dinners. The prices of all these things are jacked up just in time for us to show our “love” to the object of our affection. I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s the American way…money first, love second.

Some men also don’t like the “pressure” of Valentine’s Day. How big should the flower arrangement be? I want to get her a card that says “I like you a lot” – because I’m not quite in love with her…yet. Is she going to like this restaurant? How much should I spend? We just started dating, what should I do?

And then there are those who act a fool just before Valentine’s Day so they don’t have to worry about any of that stuff and then “act right” again around February 20th or so :-)

Listen…I get it. If you’re in a new relationship, then this holiday can be tricky. If you don’t have a lot of money to spend on a woman who expects the world on this day, then that can be a problem too. But it doesn’t have to be this deep. Most women would appreciate a simple card with a single flower that has a heartfelt message written in it from you. If she thinks you skimped on her, and doesn’t appreciate your efforts, then she probably isn’t the woman for you anyway.

But it’s not just about the men. There are women who “claim” not to celebrate because it’s not a big deal – but really what they mean is “I’m not celebrating THIS YEAR because I don’t have a man.” I know plenty of women who say they hate Valentine’s Day one year – but LOVE Valentine’s Day the next year when they have a sweetie to celebrate with.

Whether you celebrate or not, love is love. Love begins with you. Love is something that should be celebrated daily. We are born open to giving and receiving love – to love and be loved in return. It’s the simplest and most natural thing. So why hate on it?

For some, Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate the renewing power of love. For others, it’s a day to tell someone you love him/her for the very first time. The “romantically challenged” use it as day to show love in ways they normally don’t. Sometimes we take the love we have in our lives for granted, so we use this day to restore it, appreciate it, embrace it or heal with it. Love is a verb, not just a “day.” It’s something you do, not just something you profess. It’s an act of doing for others, not just a moment of infatuation. It’s what you give, not what you seek to receive.

I can’t be mad at anyone who is walking around with rose colored glasses on today. I love seeing people happy, giving and receiving flowers and candy, being all mushy and lovey and dovey - on Valentine’s Day and on ANY day. Whether I have a Valentine or not, I can’t be mad at anyone taking advantage of a day to show someone they care.

But if you ARE mad at it, think about the real reason it upsets you. Is it because you think people are sucked into the commercialism of it all? Is it because you don’t believe people should celebrate a day that was born out of an execution? Or is because you’re lonely and miserable? At the end of the day, do any of these reasons even matter?

There is no reason to rain on anyone else’s parade. There’s no reason to belittle, attack or be judgmental towards anyone who doesn’t believe what you believe. Let them be. After all, people showing love to one another never hurt anyone and is never a bad thing. We are all love manifesting as channels through which even more love may flow and find expression. Love increases our lives as we live it and give it away…even if only to ourselves.

This is what God does – eternally giving Him/Her/Itself away to all. This is why we say God is love, and it begins in Him and has no end…well past Valentine’s Day. There's no need to be miserable or hateful today, Valentine or no Valentine. There is no greater invitation to love than loving first.


Friday, February 11, 2011


So since this was so popular last Friday...and Stef asked me to do it again...I thought I'd play the "name the best movies lines from these movies" game again :-)

This list was inspired by movies I watched OVER AND OVER AGAIN when I was in college. I may be dating myself a bit here, but I know you've all seen these 4 films. Instead of telling you my favorite lines from these movies, I'll simply show you :-)

1. New Jack City

2. Boyz in the Hood

3. Boomerang (there were TOO many for this film...and this clip isn't my FAVORITE line, but I couldn't find the one I wanted to

4. Menace II Society



Thursday, February 10, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Spring can't come fast enough.

- I made a steak for lunch today - can't wait to eat it!

- People at work are working my nerves.

- Would you rather meet your great grandparents or your great grandchildren?

- You know you have truly forgiven someone when you pray for them.

- I'm selling Girl Scout cookies for one of my nephew's friends. Let me know if you want some!

- Did any of you think any of the Super Bowl commercials were racist or offensive? Namely the Pepsi Max commercial or the Groupon commercial(s)? Here they are:

Or are we getting a little too sensitive?

- Which would you rather be: a great musician, a great artist or a great athlete?

- What age has been your best year to date? Mine was 27 I think....

- I don't think you could pay me enough money to get on a space shuttle. Outer space scares me.

- The situation in Cairo is tense.

- Send up a prayer for my cat please :-(

- Here's Brian's throwback this week! Speaking of Brian of RTT Throwback fame, his birthday is coming up! He'll be celebrating his birthday All Star Weekend on 2/19 (8-12) at Blondies Sports Bar on West 79th between Broadway and Amsterdam. If you're around, swing by!



Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Happy Hump Day!

And being that it’s “hump day” – what else better to discuss other than….humping? :-)

With that, here is the question of the day:

Do you think porn has desensitized men (and women) from having/enjoying sex with their “real life” partners…or “real” people in general?

I ask this question based on an article that was sent to me. In it, there was a term called “Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder” – basically saying that some people (men in particular) can no longer climax with their partners because the sex doesn’t measure up to what they view in porn. It says, “For a lot of guys, switching gears from porn’s fireworks and whiz-bangs to the comparatively mundane calm of ordinary sex is like leaving halfway through an Imax 3-D movie to check out a flipbook.”


One guy wrote, “I used to race home to have sex with my wife. Now I leave work early so I can get home before she does and masturbate.”

What? Where dey do dat at?

He goes on to say that he’s still very attracted to his wife, and still has sex with her. But he has this other woman as well, and her name is “porn.”

I wish a muphucka WOULD race home and start without me!


It’s not just men who are said to be affected by over exposure to porn. The article says, “As a result of the blending of reality and fantasy, some women have chosen to willingly play along by a new set of rules in order to keep their men interested: They’re intentionally impersonating porn stars. Sadie, the real-estate agent, says, a lot of guys have come to expect P.S.E. [the “Porn-Star Experience”] as a common thing. A few might enjoy it, but for most it’s harrowing. I think there’s a fear that if they can’t make it happen, their boyfriend will retreat online.

“Women are turning up the dial,” one guys says. “I’m a pleaser. I get off on a woman’s arousal. But I’ve noticed that women are getting a lot more vocal now. Either I’m doing something I’m not aware of, or women are beginning to mimic what happens in porn. Honestly, it’s kind of weird. I’m not sure if I like it.”

So what say you - has porn messed us all up? Do you try to have sex like a porn star? Or are these people just freaks who can’t break from fantasy long enough to engage with us “normal” humans?

Let’s hear it!



Friday, February 4, 2011



It's Friday, and for those of you with no job (or a job and too much time on your hands) and don't have ish to do - name the best lines from these 4 movies.

1. Friday
2. Coming to America
3. Love Jones
4. Harlem Nights



Thursday, February 3, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- it IS Thursday right? This week has been a blur.

- It seems like everyone got on my nerves on my way to work this morning. Sometimes commuting on the subway/bus really sucks.

- I feel better now :)

- DeSean Jackson of the Philadelphia Eagles, along with two linemen, surprised a young boy on The View today who was bullied and is a huge Eagles fan. That touched my heart...***fanning my face*** a lil misty.

- Bullying is a real problem these days - if you see it happening, step in and do something (like whip the bullying kid's azz!)

- The situation in Egypt is crazy! The violence is heart breaking, pray for them.

- I hate being lied to. It's not necessary, and if you're not good at it, trust me when I tell you I'll know when you're doing it. I may not call you on it (right away) but I DO know.

- I had a cardboard sandwich yesterday from Subway...but it was a healthy sandwich. I may have another cardboard sandwich today again for lunch. Tryna be like Jared :)

- I really want oxtails and rice and peas though.

- I can't wait until Spring gets here. The temperature is supposed to reach 40 degrees on Sunday - why does that sound tropical to me?

- What am I gonna do when football is officially over? :(

- Watch college basketball, that's what....Go Syracuse! - nice win last night!

- Smoking is a disgusting habit.

- I want to shop for sandals...just need the warm weather to wear them in!

- Soul Siesta in Mexico is looking really RIGHT right about now.

- I miss my family back in Philly - hopefully I can dig myself out enough to head to Philly this weekend. I think my car is frozen though :(

- Braids are coming out this weekend even if I have to yank them out myself.

- Don't you hate it when people have no concept of "personal space" in an elevator?

- People keep giving me chocolate. I put it in my drawer to keep it out of sight, but I still know it's there. It's GOOD chocolate too! Yum!

- I want a really good cupcake for my birthday. That will be my splurge for the month. Deebo said I could :)

- Speaking of Deebo, abs are killin' me today.

- My clothes are blah.

- Fury's blog was off the chain this week.

- I heard Terrence Howard was getting a divorce. Not sure if that's true or not, but I don't see his appeal post The Best Man. Now I can only picture him with a conk saying "It's hard out here for a pimp, mang!" Not sexy.

- I want to see The King's Speech since it's getting all this buzz. Heard it was pretty good.

- Facebook stalkers are kinda creepy.

- New Greys and Private Practice tonight - about time!

- RTT Double Feature Throwbacks!



Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Happy Hump Day!

This weather blows. That’s all I have to say about that.

Ahem…anyway, on to today’s topic.

So yesterday, my cousin Angela and I were briefly discussing dating and the different scenarios that are becoming options for women today. She said a friend mentioned to her that women may start to share men more, as in “Big Love.” They may begin exploring dating their own sex. And many may start dating men they may not have considered in the past, like ex-convicts….like Phaedra on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Phaedra, who is an attorney, is married to Apollo – an ex-con…and seems very proud of it. She has a husband, and that’s all that matters. But how many women would say they’d be proud to date an ex-convict? Not many that I know personally, but are we potentially closing ourselves off to love by excluding someone who has spent some time in jail?

Say what you want to say, but most of us care what our family and friends think of our choices when it comes to who we’d like to settle down with. My mother is more concerned with the type of man I’d marry than if I ever have kids – mainly because she thinks I deserve the best and my sister is married to a great guy who has set the bar pretty high. If I told her I was dating a felon, she’d probably look at me like I had three heads.

But our choices are our choices right? As long as we’re happy, then they should be happy for us, yes? Easier said than done. My sister would think I lost my mind if I brought home someone straight from Rikers. And I can’t say that I’d blame her.

But “ex-con” means just that, right? Ex…as in “not a criminal anymore.” After all, no one is above redemption. Making a mistake and paying your dues should mean that you shouldn’t have to keep paying for your mistakes forever, right? Everyone has made mistakes, some just got caught. But that doesn’t mean they haven’t learned from their mistakes and are changed for the better. And not for nothing, I don’t know too many women who would turn down a date with Michael Vick…or 50 Cent for that matter. Now, maybe they weren’t the best examples, since they’re both famous and making money. But does that mean Pookie, Ray Ray and Craig ‘n Nem don’t deserve to get the same love – especially if they’re having a hard time finding a job?

Or would you date an ex-con depending on the crime he/she committed or the amount of time they spent in jail? Rapists, murderers, child molesters…none of them would ever get the time of day from me. If you’re a registered sex offender or were convicted of a violent crime, don’t even think of looking in my direction. But if you slung rock or pulled a Bernie Madoff, is that not so bad? Would you date someone who spent 6 months in jail vs. someone who spent 6 years in jail? After all, doing a bid suggests the crime was serious, and no matter how “rehabilitated” he or she may be, that just doesn’t look good on the dating resume does it?

So what say you? Have you or would you ever date anyone who is an ex-con? Does your answer depend on the crime he/she committed? Is a criminally minded person always a criminally minded person and can’t be trusted? Or do you think everyone deserves a shot at love and a second chance?



Tuesday, February 1, 2011

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