Thursday, June 30, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Beautiful weather today!

- I love when things just come together :-)

- My friend's short just made it into the International Film Festival! Dope! Well deserved.

- Also, pre-order my friend Dre's novel The Unholy Servants. My peeps is doing big thangs!

- If you're blessed with talent, please don't waste it.

- Don't underestimate the power of networking.

- ...and prayer....

- Annamaria is worrying me to death about these blogs! Blogger's Block is VERY REAL! LOL!

- People need to stop clicking on fake sex tapes on Facebook - you're getting hacked!

- I feel like Chipotle for lunch!

- Then I might sneak into the Gap for a hot second.

- Any fun plans for the long weekend? I might go check out a band tomorrow night.

- Thinking of braiding up the hair for Morocco - 10 days to go!

- I have so much work to do! My brain is already on vacation.

- Send up some prayers for DMurray and his unit over in Afghanistan.

- I'm off tomorrow! Four day weekends are so lovely.

- Beautiful couple! Congrats again Annamaria and Austin!

- Brian is back from Mexico - This week's throwback!

Outkast - Elevators (Me & You) (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: OutKast



Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Things I don't have time for:

- I don't have time for newly married Puerto Ricans telling me I'm slacking on the blog :-)

- Fake eyelashes on women that leave them looking like Janice from the Muppets

- Women with flat asses who wear sweat pants with the word “Juicy” across the bottom.

Just because it says "juicy" doesn't mean it IS "juicy." Stop playing.

- People who ask, “Can I ask you a question?” You just did…now beat it Scram Jones!

- Arnold Schwarzenegger for saying: "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." He's a jackass.

- Speaking of....straight people opposed to Gay Marriage. Why do you care? There was a time when black and white people couldn’t wed, but we became enlightened – and we should be just as enlightened with gay marriage. If your life won’t change if your gay neighbors got hitched, then why so serious?

- People who curse excessively in their Facebook statuses…what’s THAT about? Why so angry?

- MORE politicians sexting…how do you NOT think you'll get caught?

- Terrell Owens.

- People who try to make you eat food you already know you don't like. I said NO.

- Ear hustlers.

- People who are unemployed BY CHOICE. Think Jody from Baby Boy. No able bodied adult should be living off their mama because they CAN. I know we're in a recession, but you can at least pretend to look a little harder.

- Anyone who follows Lil Wayne on Twitter...or any other coontastic celeb. If you're an adult, there is no excuse for this. Even worse if you re-tweet.

- Women in FULL MAKEUP while working out at the gym. Then they leave looking all smeared after they sweat it off...that's IF they sweat. Do people really get dressed up to go to the gym?

- People who never have anything nice to say about anyone or anything.....EVER.



Monday, June 27, 2011

Happy Monday!

So I was bullied into blogging today. This little, newly married Puerto Rican named Annamaria Williams called bullshit on me when I said I had blogger's block, so here is today's blog - courtesy of a shank wielding, taser prone Anajolia.

Recently, the blogosphere has been abuzz about the subject of parents who allow their children to have sex in their home. Their reasoning is simple: Kids will do it anyway, so we might as well allow them to have sex "safely" in the home rather than out in the street....or car...or wherever kids have sex nowadays.

When I heard about this on the radio last week, all I could think was, "My mother would FLY MY HEAD if I even THOUGHT about having sex in our house." Would never happen. I wasn't even allowed to have male company while my mother wasn't home, let alone get a lil somethin' somethin'. That would be just asking for an ass whoopin'.

But are parents changing with the times? We all know teenagers are having sex at younger ages, and if they are intent on doing it, it'll happen - whether we like it or not - and it will probably happen in your home when you're not there anyway. That, or under the bleachers, or parked cars...or over their friends' houses. If a kid wants to have sex, they'll make a way - so are parents smart to control the environment and keep their kids "safe?" Why is it "safer" anyway?

Personally, I don't see me being THAT cool of a parent. I'd hope to have an openly communicative relationship with my child where we could discuss contraception, the consequences of having sex while so young, the emotions involved, STD's and the possibility of pregnancy and what decisions come along with those things. It's heavy to think about, and I don't even have let me ask the people out there who do: Would you allow your child to have sex in your home? Why or why not? What if you found out your child's boyfriend/girlfriend's parents allowed it - with no regard to whether or not you condone such an action? If your child told you they were sexually active, would provide contraception/birth control, or would you try to talk them into abstinence?

I'm curious to read varying opinions on this: After all, it's your home - so you set the rules based on your own comfort level. Let's discuss!


Friday, June 24, 2011

Dear Brookey,

This is a bit personal, but aren't all "Dear Brookey" letters? Anyway, I'm writing you because my boyfriend has been hinting....ALOT lately, that he'd like to try/have a threesome. I feel like all men want this fantasy, so when he first mentioned it, I didn't think much of it. But he's been bringing it up more and more lately. Is this something I should be worried about? What do you think this means?


Dear Worried,

It means he wants to have sex with another woman - DUH!

okay...maybe that was harsh...let me back up.

It means he wants to have a threesome. Now, WHY he wants to have one may be what you're really asking.

If this guy is your boyfriend, I can see why you'd be worried...assuming he wants the threesome with another woman. If he wants it specifically with another man, then that might give you another reason to be worried....but PAUSE: we'll come back to that.

Bringing another woman into your bedroom could be a good way to ruin a relationship. Watching your man have sex with another woman might conjure up feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, insecurity or guilt - none of which is healthy in a relationship. And from the tone of your letter, insecurity is already creeping up.

If you've talked about it and you've hinted that you might be open to it, then he simply could be asking you to help him fulfill a life long fantasy. But if he's brought it up before and you've shut him down...and he keeps asking, he might just be using the threesome as a way to have sex guilt-free with another woman. If that's the case, he's trying to play you for the fool jack. Don't fall for the okie doke.

Maybe he thinks it'll spice up your love life. I don't know how long you've been together, but maybe he's bored with the sex, but not you. Maybe he thinks seeing another woman with her breasts all up in your face is hot and he wants to get off that way. Maybe he thinks it'll turn you on. Are you experimental otherwise? If you've done everything under the sun but that, then maybe he's gotten the impression from you that you'd be down for whatever.

If you're not experimental, then maybe this is his way of asking to you be a bit more adventurous. If the threesome thing spazzes you out, try other stuff first. A new position, anal, toys, handcuffs, blindfolds, new locations, porn - who knows. If spice is what he needs, give it to him in other ways until you either work your way up to a threesome, or find that he no longer needs a threesome because you've pleased and excited him in other ways.

Point blank: If you don't want to do it, then don't. If he can't respect that, then I think you need to question his motives and how strong your relationship really is. Maybe he hasn't sown all his royal oats yet and needs time to get it all out of his which case I say, let him. Without you.

By the way, if he wants to have a threesome with a man - especially if that man is a friend or his brother - this man doesn't love you. Most women who have been "wifed up" feel that if their man loves them, he wouldn't want to share her with anyone - especially not with one of his boys or a relative. I have to say I agree. That's just skeevy. If he wants to do it with a stranger, ask him if he enjoys the company of men over women and get the hell outta there.

Okay, so maybe that's extreme...but it would give me pause...jus sayin'. Two erect penises in the same room just seems suspect to me. But that's just me. It doesn't have to be YOU. Again, he could just be a freak who wants to see you pleased by another man. If it floats your boat, rock with it. If he hasn't brought up a threesome with a man, ask him if he'd consider it. If he says "hell no!" then you have leverage to say no to him.

Sounds to me like you ain't wit it, man or woman. And that's okay. He should respect your boundaries and nurture his relationship with you rather than obsess over this fantasy.

How about this: Ask him if there's reason for you to be concerned. Novel ideal right?

Have a talk with him to see what his REAL reasons are for wanting a threesome, and give some good thought to the state of your relationship. If you feel it's working, is strong and healthy and can withstand a threesome (and you're interested) then maybe you'd like it - provided you both feel safe to explore within any boundaries you set. If you feel the relationship is strong, but you're not interested, then I'd say keep another woman out of your bed.

But if you feel your relationship is on rocky ground, then re-assess the relationship entirely and throw the threesome idea out the window. Let him go get his freak on with someone else, and you find a boyfriend who respects you, your comfort level and your feelings.

What say the blog family?



Thursday, June 23, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Anyone ever watch that Toddlers and Tiaras show on TLC? Child beauty pageants are a bit extra to me. It was creepy actually. Five year olds should not be getting highlights, eyebrow waxes, spray tans and wearing lipstick. Fuckery.

- Speaking of eyebrow waxes, gotta get mine done TODAY!

- Should Tracy Morgan have apologized?

- I wanna see "The Mothaf*cka with the Hat" - only three more weeks with this cast, gotta go!

- How long has Cheaters been on?

- Morocco in 3 weeks! Anyone wanna guest blog for me while I'm gone?

- I could use a good, deep, tongue massaging kiss right about now...and I big hug!

- Love will always be love.

- Why are movie theaters always so cold?

- I need a

- I've discovered that I like Special K cereal with strawberries.

- I saw a pic of Annamaria on her wedding day - stunning! Are they back yet?

- I have to choose the throwback this week since Brian is in here goes!

just cuz I wanted to hear it :-)



Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Blogger’s Block!

Over the past couple of days, I’ve gotten emails, texts, bbm’s, IM’s and posts on my FB wall asking the same thing – “no blog today?” It surprises me sometimes, because I just don’t think people miss it. Sure, we have a nice little blog family going on here – but I assume everyone is so busy living their everyday lives that they’d never miss a blog or two. So when I got a flurry of inquiries asking about the blog, my heart actually danced a little jig. “Awww, how sweet!”

Then I feel guilty, like I let people down. But sometimes, I simply don’t have anything to say – at least not “blog worthy” anyway.

That’s not to say that I don’t write drivel from time to time. Random Thoughts Thursday is a good example that. I just chose a day for us all to say whatever nonsensical thing comes to our minds. We don’t have to be clever, witty, smart, check our grammar or spelling or worry if it’s going to be a literary masterpiece. It’s just….whatever.

But can I do a random thoughts blog EVERY day? Can I write rubbish just whenever I feel like it? I’ve noticed that I put too much pressure on myself to actually write something that people will want to read and comment on – but does it have to be that deep?

I started my blog as way to keep my writing skills sharpened since my dream job is to write for a magazine. I even have thoughts of penning my own novel one day. I have no idea what I’d write about, but I’m hoping that through keeping a blog, it’ll spark an idea that would have landed me on Oprah’s Book Club list of required reading. Until then, I’ll just continue to muse about any and everything until something takes hold.

But so far this week…I got nothing. Zilch. Nada. Ever just sit at a desk, or on your couch in front of a blank piece of paper or empty computer screen waiting for the words to magically appear? Yeah…that’s me this week so far. The only think that comes to mind is, “I have nothing to say.”

Here I am - a 38 year old, educated woman who has absolutely no thoughts of any importance floating in my head that anyone would want to read about. My brain is on censor, my own worst critic – and the censor in my brain has gotten the best of me. Who knows what causes that censor to be there – a bad date, fatigue, a cold, bad episodes of Basketball Wives…who knows. And it doesn’t matter. The censor is there – writer’s block…a self limiting toy that even professional writers suffer from. So why take myself so seriously?

I don’t have to write a blog that I think will be the greatest blog ever written every single time I pop open my laptop. I don’t have to formulate the greatest, loveliest, most intelligent string of sentences in the history of the world. I can let that go and forget about judgment, or how unworthy I am to have blog followers or that I went to college but can’t put a few paragraphs together for fear of seeming like I’m rambling…kinda like I’m doing now :-) It’s okay…because out of my ramblings, something good may come - an idea may catch fire right there on the page, sparks will fly, a pattern will flow and the censor will be lifted.

So…for those of you who are still around and looking for a blog – here you go. Maybe it made no sense. Maybe it was a waste of time to even write. Or maybe I’m just saying hi to all of you. And I didn’t have to fill up a waste basket with balled up pieces of paper to do it – so I saved a few trees as well :-)

Thank goodness tomorrow is Random Thoughts Thursday, so I don’t have to think of anything fun to write about until Friday – but if you’d like to help me with my “blogger block,” feel free give me some ideas…or volunteer as a guest blogger for me sometimes. The idea for THIS blog actually came from Serena! I don’t have to do it all myself, and I want to hear what you have to say too…so let’s do it together. After over 600 posts, I think I’m entitled to have a little blogger’s block…so help me out mi gente – what chu wanna talk about?



Friday, June 17, 2011

Phoenix Patrick.

They’ve spent quiet times together in the living room, but today was special.

Shining through the curtain was the sun – (reminding him of her nickname – "Phoenix." He calls her "Phoenix" because she shines like one).

His rebirth came the day she was born, his soul reincarnated, his life complete and now worth living ever more.

Today is a glorious Saturday afternoon as he’s done reading from her favorite book of poetry, when he suddenly realizes for the hundredth time, the metaphors and similes of heartaches, sacrifices, and pain he had gone through. You see...he suddenly had an epiphany of sort – he was now a Dad.

She’s “Phoenix” to him, the torch he vowed and promised her on the hour of her birth, he would never let die.

That hour he gave his life to protect the only precious being he’s ever fallen for from first sight.

Yesterday, he was awarded Full Custody. Another rebirth. He calls her Phoenix, not only because she shines like one, but represents a new beginning - a reincarnation of his soul. He takes her proudly by the hand as they take a walk outside...father and daughter enjoying each other's company. Knowing fully the sacrifices, the allegations he had to overcome to wear the badge of “Dad” proudly on his sleeve - finally...his spirit has risen.

- Patrick

Thursday, June 16, 2011

You Have Custody? Chronicles of a Single Dad
By Sho E. Nuff

First off let me just say that the trials and tribulations of a single dad are no more challenging than those of a single mom. However, just as men and women are different, so are the challenges as moms and dads.

For those that have known me most of my life, I have been told that I was built to be a dad - mostly because of my protective nature of people close to me, as well as my desire to nurture, educate and empower. So when I became a dad it was the single most life changing event in my life. Even before my divorce it was decided that custody of my son would be mine, and that decision was mutual between my ex and I. I know plenty of people who are single dads, but I was the only one I knew who was a custodial parent.

I remember when I told my mom what was going to happen. She looked at me like she wasn’t sure she heard me right. “You will have custody?” and I said, “Yes, is that a problem?”

Now I do realize that it's not as common as mothers with custody, but it's not like I said I was getting a sex change. From that point on when I explained to people that I had custody, I felt as if I was spending my time either defending my ability as a dad...or defending my ex’s honor as a mom - mostly from other women who said things like, “Is it because SHE can’t handle it?” or “Well if it was me I couldn’t do that.”

It was as if I was a second class parent, or my ex was an unfit mother. Most of the time I felt like saying, “Well this ain’t you bitch, so keep your fuckin' judgmental tones to yourself!” Alas I didn’t because, well, it's not a good example for my son :-)

I have had to deal with teachers asking to have a conference with my ex and not me, or assumptions that his mother would be going on the school trips and not me. My parents have been divorced since I was like 3, and I spent time living with my mom and my I have seen a man as a custodial parent. Maybe that’s why it's not as hard for me to understand. People get so caught up in what the gender roles are supposed to be that they limit not only the person they are judging, but also themselves. We shouldn’t just enforce equal rights, but also equal roles. Why do you think its so hard for men to teach younger grades without a concern of “appropriate behavior”?

I understand maternal instinct, but some of us have a paternal instinct - and that is just as valid. I understand that there are plenty of baby daddies out there who aren’t doing shit for their kids, but show respect to those who are. Don’t forget my big piece of chicken too.

- Sho E. Nuff

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The saddest thing is knowing that some men abandon their children...regularly. But the cycle of pain doesn't have to continue - it can be broken - as this heart-wrenching letter proves.

Happy Father's Day...To My Mother - by Rickey Brown

Dear Dad,

I want to begin this letter by acknowledging you as my father. We will spare the semantics and the embarrassment of trying to recount your contributions as either. I would love to tell you that you had no direct influence over my life in any capacity; unfortunately it is not the case.

In spite of my mother’s claims that you weren’t shit, I tried to love you with reckless abandon. The more my mother told me about you and the fact that you never attempted to contact me, somehow the angrier I became inside and yearned to be near you. Eventually, I realized that you were who you were, and at 16 or 17 I certainly could not expect that you would be in my life. However, I saw past your shortcomings because I inherited such a rich family to whom I am eternally grateful for the familial ties they’ve helped me to establish.

Because you were not around and my life inexperience, I was doomed to repeat some of the same mistakes that you had made. My mom is not perfect, but she was certainly in my life to impart upon me her lessons from her past mistakes. I would never need to touch a hot stove to know it burns had I seen your scar. Reminds me of when Jay Z said, “ Like I told you to sell drugs, nah Hov did that so hopefully you don’t have to go through that.”

I am now 38 years old with a family of my own. I buried my anger and resentment towards you to try to establish a father-son relationship. I attempted to do so by allowing you to be a part of the lives of my children - your grandchildren. We will never recover from the disappointment my sons felt after you promised to have them stay the night...only for you to not keep your promise.

You are a piece of shit. I am finally man enough to admit it even if you are not. You deserve this biting criticism for running away from your responsibilities. You are truly a coward. Of this I am resolute: I WILL NEVER BE LIKE YOU. In fact, I have spent my adult life ensuring that is the case. Here is what your cowardice gave birth to:

As I stated, I now have a family of my own. I only recently discovered I am the father of a biological daughter that is 18 years old and I did not have the honor or the privilege of being in her life. Although, her mother and I may never agree the decisions that were made, the fact remains she is my daughter. I did not exemplify the cowardice you displayed upon discovering this, but opened my arms and my heart to share in a life I feel so wonderful about. The connection to my children is a bond that will never, ever be broken. And that is your only legacy here.

Here’s how your absence affected me: Without you I have simply graduated from college, (the first in my family), own my own home (also a first in my family), have produced one step child and two biological children, and have a successful career. My daughter is now the first grandchild to attend college as well. This is actually the best father’s day present I could have ever received. Maybe if you had stuck around you would have something to be proud of as well.

Rest in Peace.

P.S. Since you have never taken the time to tell my mother "Thank You" for doing your job, it is only appropriate that my children and I celebrate Father’s Day with my Mother. Happy Father’s Day Mom! I love you...and sadly, you were right.

-Rickey Brown

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Hayden is back for another take on fatherhood - enjoy!

Not With MY Daughter You Won't! Hayden Greene

Marshall Dillon…
The Ghost Busters…
The Green Lantern…
Hayden M. Greene…

What do all these people have in common? They are all protectors.

Whether it's a town or the earth or the universe, they ensure that the people they are charged to safeguard don't ever have to worry about being harmed. So then why is my name on that list? There is this little girl named Clarke for whom I am the sworn protector to the end of my days. You should know that as I say that, I push out my chest and imagine a flowing cape billowing behind me like I am a super hero. Because I am. I am HER superhero. And I always will be even when my puffed out chest is overtaken by a puffed out gut and the cape is tattered - I will always be her champion.

Unfortunately the brunt of my superhero practice will be enacted on her suitors, male or female. I've already started practicing. It's always cute for some parents of children of comparable ages to "set up" future couplings between them. Some parents. Not me. I have found myself saying ridiculous things like the following to people:

· I'm sorry, Clarke has lost her ability to speak to all members of the opposite sex who are within 10 years of her age. Doctors say it should clear up around her 35 birthday. Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please check back at that time.

· I am not going to worry about Clarke getting phone numbers from boys: there won't be any phone installed in the ivory tower, and I have a BB gun for any carrier pigeons that are brave enough to attempt to deliver a message.

· There will be no need to use scare tactics on her dates since Clarke will not be dating anyone from the top of the ivory tower. When the time comes for her to descend, I will probably be too old to enact any fearsome tactics and my only recourse will be to throw my dentures at them with what little vigor I have left after and try to suffocate them with my uncontrollable farting. If they still want to date her after they see what their Thanksgivings and family BBQ's are going to be like, they are a better man than me and deserve her. Mazel Tov!

As you can see I am pretty ridiculous when it comes to my daughter. Most of it is in good fun, but there is a LOT of truth in there!

Here's my honest opinion: Clarke should know that her father is going to give anyone she brings home a hard time. In fact, she should want to use that as a way to discern who to date. I want my daughter to only date people who have self confidence and have strong wills. If they are too chicken to face her old man, then she shouldn’t want to be with them to begin with! In my eyes, I consider this a favor to my girl. Yeah...let's spin it that way. In the interim, I'm going to come up with more and more creative ways reek havoc on whomever she decides to date...

God. Help. Them.

- Hayden

Hayden M. Greene has been working to produce artistic beauty for many years. In his early years, he was known for painting jackets and jeans - but that was just was the beginning. He is also a successful spoken word poet, a writer, a faithful citizen of the People's Republic of Brooklyn, and, of course, a photographer. Many of his photographs picture places that he has travelled to, but his most beautiful ones are of the people that he has met or had the pleasure of photographing. He has a discerning eye and is able to capture the ‘beautiful’ from the seemingly ‘ordinary’. He created Greene Light Photography to share that vision with you.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Good Morning!

Every year I turn my blog over to wonderful fathers I know for a week leading up to Father's Day. It's often said that mothers get all the glory, while Father's Day is "just another day." But there are definitely strong, silent...and not so silent....father heroes out there who love, nurture, raise and provide for their children (and others' children) every single day. Kicking off my Father's Day week series is Hayden Greene - let's go!

You Can't Make Me! Hayden Greene

I once saw a commercial for a product that I don't remember of a grown man doing high school cheers. He looked ridiculous! The camera angle was tight, but as it panned out you saw that he was, in fact, practicing with his daughter - being there for her. Somehow she had gotten him to act like a post pubescent girl with pompoms!

I looked at that commercial and realized that little girls can get their do whatever they want! I had not joined the fatherhood fraternity, so I wondered whether that would be me one day in our backyard doing pirouettes with my little one (I knew I would be blessed with a girl. How? That's a story for another blog) or turning double Dutch.

What I didn't know is that power to make a daddy do things that he normally wouldn't do would manifest itself quite differently for me. Firstly, you have to know that I don't cry. This isn't a machismo latent declaration of my toughness. I'm just very even keeled and laid back, so things don't move me to either extreme; sadness or joy. I'm ruled by logic, so emotions lay beneath the surface but aren't immediately obvious.

That was at least until Clarke came into my life. For me, the thing that my daughter has made me do that I wouldn't normally do is have those emotions bubble to the surface and break free. I have laughed like I have never laughed before because she got into a giggling fit and her laughter is infectious. I have cried when she was sick and I felt completely helpless because I couldn't be her superman. I have also cried tears of joy when she and I spontaneously broke into a duet on a song that I had been singing to her at night to put her to sleep. I was so happy that she was the daughter that I had always hoped for that I couldn't stop the waterworks that I had previously had complete control over.

Yes, Clarke makes her daddy do things that he doesn't want to do. Those things include skipping unabashedly down the street, humming songs from Yo Gabba Gabba unconsciously at work, and threatening 3 year old boys to stay away from my daughter (I'm not real proud of that last one! LOL).

However, the one thing that she made me do that I had no intention of doing was being a more emotional person. Strangely, it has made me a more complete human, and I believe that people around me have probably noticed and welcomed the difference. Basically, Clarke has made me a better man, and I am so happy to be her father. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go have tea with my daughter and her stuffed toys...


Hayden M. Greene has been working to produce artistic beauty for many years. In his early years, he was known for painting jackets and jeans - but that was just was the beginning. He is also a successful spoken word poet, a writer, a faithful citizen of the People's Republic of Brooklyn, and, of course, a photographer. Many of his photographs picture places that he has travelled to, but his most beautiful ones are of the people that he has met or had the pleasure of photographing. He has a discerning eye and is able to capture the ‘beautiful’ from the seemingly ‘ordinary’. He created Greene Light Photography to share that vision with you.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Proposal Fail


I don't know about you all, but at least 5 of my Facebook friends posted this link to their Facebook page. Watch...and cringe. (Sorry about the ad you have to suffer through first)

Embarrassing: Man Proposes In The Club In Front... by thehiphopconsultant


Yes, it was probably very embarrassing for him to be rejected in a club...but we'll talk about rejection later. He proposed...IN A CLUB. Maybe for some women, that might be romantic. But for any potential suitors of mine I might have out there - don't do that. EVER. A club? Really?

Anyway, I think it goes without saying that you probably shouldn't propose unless you know she'll say yes. I think that's common sense, and I think most men know that - but clearly this guy misfired...badly.

Most people have discussed marriage prior to actually getting engaged. It's important to find out how the other person feels about having kids, how to RAISE the kids, finances, division of chores, merging accounts, religion, etc. prior to actually asking for someone to spend the rest of their life with you. If you have never talked about marriage, you should before thinking about proposing. They might not even want to get married. Or they might not want to get married TO YOU.

But if you all DO decide that you want to marry each other at some point and you're planning on proposing, may I suggest a few places where you SHOULD NOT propose? This is just a list according to Brooke - and some of you may even think the places I'm going to list are wonderful places/ways to propose. To each his/her own :-) But if anyone is ever planning on proposing to ME - let's just say I might find these places questionable. Feel free to add your own:

1. At a basketball/football/sporting event:

Stereotypically speaking, men love sports. But unless your beloved shares that feeling, you should probably avoid the "jumbotron" proposal. There’s nothing less romantic than screaming, drunk fans who probably couldn't care less about your proposal - and if you propose at a Philadelphia Eagles game, be prepared to be booed...whether she says yes or no. And if you get rejected, the jeers will ALL be directed at you.

2. The "Hide the Ring in her Dessert" Proposal:

Aside from it being a choking hazard (make sure you know how to do the Heimlich Maneuver), your bride-to-be really doesn’t want to have to hunt for her ring in a chocolate lava cake or accidentally drink it out of a glass of champagne. Worst-case scenario, she swallows it and you have to spend the next three days waiting for your fiancee to pass it. Save yourself the time and the latex gloves and simply pull the ring out of your pocket at the restaurant when you want to propose. Besides, you don't want to trust the waiter with something that costs 3 months salary.

3. At someone else's wedding:

Remember that scene in The Best Man where Taye Diggs proposes to Sanaa Lathan at Morris Chestnut's wedding? Wrong for so many reasons. Your boo may not want to share one of the most special moments of her life with anyone else, especially not a bunch of wedding guests she may not know. And it's just rude. That day is about the couple getting married, not you or your girlfriend. The proposal should be about your lady...and someone else's wedding should be about them. It's thunder stealing haterade...and just plain wack!

4. On vacation:

Only acceptable if you know she’ll say yes, because it’s impossible to escape if you’re rejected. Imagine she says what? Y'all gonna be all mad at the pool? Are you going to go crying on the beach? Arguing over breakfast? For seven to fourteen days? Not a good look. You might just break up permanently, and your vacation is ruined.

5. On finding out she’s pregnant:

Searching for the right words to propose?

“You're period is how many days late? WTF??!! You told me you were on the pill! You're keeping it? Shit. I suppose we’d better get married then.”

Yeah, that ain't it. Nothing about those words sounds loving or romantic. Just because you and your unmarried partner find out you’re expecting, it’s not an excuse to phone in a half-assed proposal. Propose because you want to marry that person, not because the condom broke.

6. By phone/email/text/Facebook:

Speaking of phoning in proposals....just...NO. Email, text, dare I say Facebook? Don’t even think about it. The same applies to a paper note, with check boxes saying "Yes, No and Maybe." This will only work if you are nine years old and your wedding guests are Power Rangers.

7. During sex:

I know my loving is good, but c'mon son. It doesn't count. We all say funny things during the long stroke, but a proposal should never be one of them. In T minus 30 seconds, you’ll probably feel quite differently, and/or be asleep. But trust me, she'll remember...and she might call "no backsies!"

8. On TV:

Wouldn’t it be fun to take something private and do it in the most public forum possible? No it wouldn’t – too much pressure and potentially very embarrassing...especially if you're on live tv and they can't edit it out. And if you do it on tv, and she says no, it'll be on YouTube, Facebook and Twitter before you get home (like the poor fool in the clip I posted who proposed to his girl in a club).

What other ways/places to propose are potential disasters for things to go horribly FAIL? And if you have a proposal-gone-wrong story, feel free to share :-)



Thursday, June 9, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- HOT, HOT, HOT!! Today is a perfect day to get some ice cream!

- I'll eat my steak for lunch and then go get some :)

- I feel sunny again today!

- Is "sexting" cheating?

- Lupe Fiasco is a clown.

- Bishop Long paid $25 million to settle - does that automatically mean "guilty"?

- I could go for some good gelato too! mmmm!

- Am I the only one who doesn't watch The Voice?

- I have some funny, sexy co-workers!

- Rock the Bells looks like it's gonna be the HOTNESS this year!

- Would any of you go on a stripper cruise?

- Should I go see Black Eyed Peas tonight? It's a scorcher! But I like heat :-)

- Today's throwback! Get your head nod on!



Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Happy Hump Day!

It’s hot as the devil with gasoline drawz on today! I love it! But if you’re one of those people who does NOT love it, stay cool. It’s da summa time!

Okay, now…on the radio this morning, they reported that Queen Latifah’s (alleged) girlfriend broke up with her. The reason stated was that she was tired of seeing the Queen eat, drink and smoke herself to death. Who knows if any of this is true or not, but it begged the question of the day: What would you make you break up with your significant other? They did it “fill in the blank” style:

“I would break up with you if you ever ____________”

I immediately thought of 5 answers off the top of my head.

If he ever hit me
If he ever gave me an STD
If he ever fathered a child outside of our relationship (think the Governator)
If he ever committed a heinous crime
If he was a chronic liar.

I'm sure I could think of more, but those came to mind instantly.

The listeners called up with some very similar answers, and some totally ridiculous ones. One woman said she’d break up with any dude who said Wacka Flocka was his favorite rapper. Clearly she jests…or maybe not…but that’s not unforgivable. A bit odd maybe, but not a “real” deal breaker. Okay…so maybe it is.

Anyway, what do you consider offenses that require an immediate kick to the curb? I’m not talking about “we had a big fight” or “we don’t agree on the small stuff.” After all, not every bad day has to spell the end of a relationship, and not every problem is insurmountable. If he finds other women attractive, that’s normal and not that big of a deal. But if he sleeps with your sister? A totally big deal…and he gets walking papers and a foot in the ass (and her too).

Sometimes we throw in the towel too soon while others stay a little too long. For many of us, it’s clear when a relationship has run its course, but far too many of us fold before we’ve really tried to make it work. I’m guessing that the Queen’s boo hung in there for as long as she could and tried her best to make it work for the sake of love. But watching someone hurt themselves may affect us in such a negative way to the point where we have to let go because there’s nothing else we can do.

If she DID leave the Queen for the reasons stated – do you think she was wrong and abandoned her, or do you think it was time for her to move on? Under what circumstances do you stay with someone who is abusing themselves, if any? Love, marriage? Or do you leave and hope and pray they do what’s necessary for themselves to get well?

Lastly, fill in the blank yourself:

“I love him/her, but I would break up with him/her if they ever ___________”



Tuesday, June 7, 2011

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Monday, June 6, 2011

Happy Monday!

I have to leave the office early today - so my question of the day will be short and sweet!

If you were a stripper, what would your stripper song be?



Thursday, June 2, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- ahhhh, warm weather, summer breezes....gotta love it!

- My new deodorant smells like perfume...better than the perfume I wear.

- I woke up thinking about lunch. Cooked this morning and had it sweltering in my apartment. I may need to start cooking at night again...but I just never feel like it after I get home from the gym. Must be time for salad.

- I've always wanted to a be a part of a flash mob. I came close when I danced in Hammer pants in Times Square. Good thing there's no video of that :-)

- I wonder if I can get into baseball for the summer. The finals are doing nothing for me, and football is too far I need something. Go Phillies! (that's for you Dave)

- So I got caught up on this "Weiner" thing (thanks Fury). do you not know what your own crotch looks like? "I can't say with certitude..." Huh?

- I might need to play the Power Ball. This working mess is for the birds :)

- Grateful for my job though - the economy still sucks.

- Men who wear excessive jewelry look strange to me.

- Shaq Diesel is retiring. Do you think he's one of the greatest big men ever to do it, or no?

- I feel "sunny" today :-)

- Check out First 48 Missing Persons on A&E tonight at 10p EST!

- Brian's throwback this week!



Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Happy Hump Day!

Have you ever just wanted to call bullshit on someone/something – but just figured it wasn’t worth the time or the air in your lungs? That’s the mood I’m in today…for no apparent reason other than it’s Wednesday.

So today, let’s call it “I Call Bullsh*t Wednesday.” Feel free to call bullsh*t on whatever you want today.

I call bullsh*t on liars and fake friends. A doubtful friend is worse than a certain enemy any day.

I call bullsh*t on people who say, “the condom broke.” I know contraception fails, but not that often. Do you know how hard it is to break a latex condom? Those things are pretty strong, so unless you used one that expired in 2002 or used one that was too small – it didn’t break. And if you used one that was too small, you’re an idiot. If you’re a woman who can eyeball a penis and know what size he should wear, but let him use one that was too small anyway, you’re an even bigger idiot. Either the condom was too big and it slid off (you’re not ALL Magnum built) or you didn’t really use one and you’re too embarrassed to admit that you didn’t use one with the jump-off who is now your baby mama/daddy.

I call bullsh*t on “corporate thugs.” You can’t be both. Stop playing. That doesn’t even make sense.

I call bullsh*t on people who say they didn’t get your texts. Yes you did, you just ignored me. I send hundreds of texts, HUNDREDS…and 99.9999% of the time, the person I send them to receives them, reads them, and responds to them. But the ONE text I send you asking you to help me move, or when you can pay me back is the one you “magically” didn’t get. Yet if I send you a text at 2am (when you’re supposed to be asleep) and ask you to come blow my back out, I get a reply within 10 seconds. Yeah, I call bullsh*t on that for real. Your phone works just fine.

I call bullsh*t on cold medicine. Yes, cold medicine. The sh*t doesn’t work – it just puts you to sleep. Damn the pharmaceutical companies and their greed – they can cure the common cold if they wanted to! It’s probably sitting in the same vault with the AIDS and Ebola vaccines. Okay, maybe I just watch too many movies…and am a bit of a conspiracy theorist :-)

I call bullsh*t on fake orgasms. If you still do this – man or woman – you’re just lazy and/or wack. Life is too short to not be broke off properly.

I call bullshit on bisexual men. You’re gay, you just happen to have sex with women to fool us :-) Or you’re just greedy :-) or Tyler Perry.

I also call bullsh*t on straight women who kiss and rub up against other women in order to get a man’s attention. You look silly…and it’s desperate. Where dey do dat at?

I call bullsh*t on any “light” items at a fast food restaurant. If I really wanted to eat healthy, I wouldn’t go to McDonald’s. Period.

I call bullsh*t on people who say they’re too busy to call you back, but update their Facebook and Twitter pages every 5 minutes. Yeah, you can miss me with alla dat.

I call bullsh*t on cable companies who say they don’t have any promotions going on…until you ask them to transfer you to someone to cancel your service. F*ckers!

I call bullsh*t on name droppers. Just because a celeb works out at the same gym you do doesn’t mean you know him.

I call bullsh*t on people who think the first Hangover movie was the best comedy of the century. And for that matter, people who go see movies and say the movie was hilarious simply because someone else or a movie critic said they should. Gimme a break.

I call bullsh*t on people who never call bullsh*t on ANYthing…or who call bullsh*t on EVERYTHING. ;-)



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