Monday, July 13, 2009

"Why Are You Single?"

Hola mi gente!!

What a gorgeous weekend we had! I went to a wedding on Friday night, a birthday party Saturday night and to the beach and over a friend’s house on Sunday. It was one of the best weekend’s I’d had in a long time.

At the wedding, I danced with a fun guy who was in the wedding party. The top if his head came to my breasts, so he got to dance with the girls all night. The entire night he kept asking me where my man was. Each time I told him I didn’t have one, he’d ask, “why are you single?” I just turned my back to him as EU’s “Doin’ the Butt” played and I made him sweat.

When I wasn’t dancing, people would come up to me and say, “What a great wedding! When are you getting married?” My answer? “Let me get back to you on that one.”

Fast forward to Saturday night – the birthday party. A nice guy named Shawn buys me a drink and proceeds to tell me how great my smile is. He’s sweet, funny and touches my hand for emphasis when he speaks every chance he gets.

“So, are you a Washington?” he asks.

“Excuse me?”

“A Washington...single...?”

Never heard that one before.

“Yes, I am,” I reply.

“You can’t be…why are you single?”

I never know how to answer that question – and it always sounds silly to me, no matter how it's asked.

"Why are you single?"

"Why are you single?"

"Why are you single?"

I only have one snappy comeback that I borrowed from Cher - "The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing—and then they marry him."

That gets a chuckle, until it sinks in.

Maybe instead of thinking of snappy comebacks, I should list the top 10 advantages of being single - for ME anyway. Being in a relationship is great; and this is in no way to suggest that being single is better than being coupled up...but for me, being single means…

1. I can do whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want, as much as I want to. And can’t nobody say boo about it. The remote is all mine. I can drink right out of the orange juice carton if I feel like it without looking over my shoulder to see if someone’s looking at me sideways. And I can sleep in all damn day if I want to.

2. I can splurge on an expensive handbag and not have to explain myself or justify the expense. I bought it cuz I felt like it, don’t worry about how much it costs :-)

3. I only need to keep track of one schedule – MINE. “You wanna go to a game tonight?’ Yep. “Wanna grab some dinner after work, say…8?” Absolutely. “I scored tickets to a play for next Thursday, wanna check it out with me?” Hell yes!Do you have to check with anyone about that first?” Nope. When you’re single, your schedule is yours and yours alone. My needs are primary right now, so I make the most of my freedom.

4. And I can invite whomever I like! Sure, couples can take comfort in knowing they always have a date for a wedding, birthday party or other social event. But there’s a lot to be said for being able to pick from a pool of friends and dates depending on the function. There’s no dragging around a boyfriend to events they don’t want to go to making sure he’s not annoyed or bored, and there’s no stress about my current boo flipping out on me cuz I’d rather go see Jay-Z with my girls than with him. I have mad partners-in-crime to pick from, guilt-free!

5. I can revel in the sound of silence - read a book, take a nap, watch a movie…do whatever I want and just enjoy my own company. No one is asking me where I’m going, what I’m doing or when I’ll be back.

6. I’m more likely to be spontaneous when I only have me to think about. I decided at the last minute to go to the Dominican Republic by myself and had a blast! The “you-only-live-once” mentality tends to work better on one person at a time since there’s, well, just one person to worry about and one schedule to wrangle. Whoever’s down for an adventure can come along – let’s go!

7. My life is full of passion—and possibility. Let’s be honest: The cliché about sex getting dull after awhile with the same person is a cliché because it’s true; and my married friends talk about boring sex or lack of sex to me all the time. If you have kids, okay…I get it. But if you don’t and you don’t have a demanding job that requires you to fly around the world, then you have no excuse. I don’t get this “sex stopping after you get married” crap. If that inevitably happens, then I’ll take my time getting married, thank you. Don’t take this to mean that I’ll have random, casual sex with just anyone just because I’m single (even though I can if I want to), but it means I can spend my whole night flirting like crazy with every dude I see if I get the urge. It means I can still get weak in the knees when I kiss a date for the very first time. And it means I can have a marathon night of sex full of excitement and surprises simply cuz it’s new – the kind that old married couples don’t seem to have anymore…IF I wanted to ;-)

8. What I also find fun is that my coupled up friends seem to live vicariously through me, even though I wouldn’t say my life is THAT exciting. But they are very entertained by my dating stories…the good, the bad and the ugly. They laugh when I tell them about the wack ass HERB I went on a date with, or they “oooh’ and “ahhhh” when I describe this hot guy I went out with and how he could kiss his ass off! I say all this to say that I sometimes realize what a crazy, silly, exciting and adventurous time I’m having while I’m single - and that I should appreciate it.

9. I can spend quality time with my friends and family. I don’t have to negotiate what I’m doing on a particular weekend or whose family I’m spending the holidays with. A lot of my coupled friends mark up calendars with “his Mom” and “her Dad” days blocked out, and spending a lot of their other time stressing about traveling between the two. But me? I get to spend my time during the holidays and weekends with the family and friends I choose. Whether it’s Thanksgiving dinner or a quiet day chillin with one of my girls, it’s all up to me to decide who I’m gonna share my happy self with!

10. And last but not least, a benefit to being single is nobody ever hogs my side of the bed, steals my covers, wakes me up by snoring or cuts me with ice-cold scissor toenails. And every single night, I nod off knowing that I’m sleeping with someone who I know truly loves me for me. Me.

My answer to why am I single?

“...why aren’t you?”



Brooke said...

I think this goes without saying, but since my LAST post was taken rather literally, please remember that these blogs are taken from my point of view and meant to add humor. This post isn't to say that being single is better than not being single. It was about creating my own way of celebrating the state I'm in. If you're single, coupled up, married, whatever, this post was about realizing that there's a bright side to each situation - you just have to learn how to spot it and/or reframe it. Redecorate your mindset to understand the benefits to whatever state you're in, and celebrate it.

That being said...FIRST BITCHES! LOL!!

Annamaria said...

Brooke is going to get shanked!!! I don't care if it's your blog. YOU WILL GET SHANKED!!! LMAO

That being said there are pros & cons to being single & in a relationship. Relationships are VERY HARD & take lots of work & if you aren't ready for all that then you probably are better of being single.

Anonymous said...

Girl you got the life!!!! LOL

Next time someone ask you why you are single tell them your a female jigalo (is that spelled right?)or gigalo...I don't know..LOL

Or tell them my sister doesn't think anyone is good enough!!!!! HA

Annamaria said...

LMAO....I like Nicole's answers...Or tell them that you have a very hostile Puerto Rican friend who tases all the men in your life when they step out of line. lol

Brooke said...

All of those are VERY legitimate answers :-) LOL!!

How about we use the comments section to come up with snappy comebacks - here are some:

Why aren't you married yet?
"Why do you ask?"

Why aren't you married yet?
"I am married, where have you been for the last 2 years?"

Why aren't you married yet?
"It's a mystery right up there with 'who shot Biggie?'"

Why aren't you married yet?
"My fiance's in jail."

Why aren't you married yet?
"Just lucky I guess." :-)


Anonymous said...

Why are you single?.....

Because I killed my last husband...

Who said I'm not???

Most men are too stupid for me....

Because I am dating someone else's husband.....OHHH that is bad......

LOL. you know really I don't know what you would say?

I'm waiting for the right guy....plain and simple

Brooke said...

"Because I killed my last husband?"

uh...okay... :-)

Talk about a conversation ender :)

...well...unless I'm talking to another murderer :)

You know what's funny...single, wonderful, available men never ask me that question - only married people, older people, or dudes who have 6 kids with 7 baby mamas. What's up with that?

Annamaria said...

That's cause single men know why you ain't married. Probably the same reason they ain't married. BUT I LOVE THE BIGGIE ANSWER!!!!!!!

And OBVIOUSLY the I killed my last husband is my favorite! :)

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... sounds scary...

Brooke said...

well, I think single men and single women are single for different reasons :) Most single men are single because they WANT to STAY single - whereas some women are single because the single guys don't want to commit. Not saying that is always the case, but it seems that way in the NYC, that's for sure! (my experience only) Dudes in NY tend to stay single until they're the old man in the club...then realize "wait, maybe I should stop all this madness" :-)

My cousin told me I need to date a southern man. Kinda hard to do from up here :)

Women - do you think women nowadays WANT to STAY single?

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Brooke...just bust off and say some crazy shyt and start twitching.

Nosy person: Brooke, why are you single?

Brooke (almost yelling a twitching your eye): I like peach cobbler, but I don't like peaches

Nosy person 2: Brooke, why are you single?

Brooke (with finger squarely up her nose) M... I... crooked letter crooked letter... I ... hump back hump back... I

momo925 said...

Entertaining blog as always Brooke! lol

hmmm do women want to stay single? I can't answer that for all women lol. I know I DON'T! While I can appreciate being single, knowing that I'm totally comfortable with who I am as a person and loving myself...I still ultimately want a boyfriend. However, I think that decision is one that should be made with thought and care. Having standards for things that I will and will not tolerate from the man I choose to share my life with, is ultimately what is keeping me single. Until the right guy comes along, I guess it will continue in that fashion. Good luck to all those in relationships..I know they are hard maintain, but with the right person, the sacrifice and effort is well worth it!

THATgirl said...

I was actually asked this question yesterday by two different men in two different places. I used to chuckle, now I just get annoyed. My first response has been, "I just moved here", but that's been replaced with "I haven't met anyone I want to be with". Then, the NEXT question I get is, "No one has tried to get with you?"--to which I reply, of course, but whats that got to do with anything? By the end of the convo, they've chalked my being single up to my bad attitude. Oh well. It's a vicious cycle.

Tamekap said...

I have to use this one:

Why aren't you married yet?
"It's a mystery right up there with 'who shot Biggie?'"

Brooke said...

Pretty Ricky, I think I'd bust out laughing if I did all that, but it just might work!!

Mo, I hear you...

Thatgirl, I know most people ask because they think I'm just so great that I shouldn't be single :), but then there are those who make it seem like something is wrong with you. I always try to discern where they're coming from before I figure out my response :)

Tameka, glad you like - feel free to use it :)

Annamaria said...

How about my own personal fav...I can make myself miserable I don't need a man for that?????? LMAO

Guys works the other way around too. LOL

Brooke said...

Older person asking:

Why aren't you married yet?
"I was waiting til I turned YOUR age"


Serena W. said...

Hee hee hee! I'm using the mystery one too and start singing, "Who shot ya!" Lol!

I'm single cause as my Grandma Moorehead told me, "I can do bad all by myself!"

Lol! Okay Brooke I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets this question. But with a straight face the next time this question is asked I'll respond with Pretty Ricky's response and start singing the crooked letter song! This is a funny blog today!

Yolanda said...

Love love love this one Brooke. As much as I'd love to be in a relationship right now (or just have a regular, weekly date night with a drama free dude), every point you made hit home and I totally agree with you. There's nothing like walking around nekkid...eating off the food in your fridge and putting it BACK in the fridge...drinking out the Sprite bottle...(etc...) that you can relish in when you're single. I sprawl across my bed every night and love it (although I do sometimes regret not getting the bigger bed, just do I can roll around in it by myself).
I've gotten that "why are you single...pretty girl like you, why don't you have a man" bit before. And I never have a snappy comeback. Next time, I'll say "because I choked the last one with my Coach bag!"

Yolanda said...

oops... "just so I can roll around in it by myself"

Rameer said...

I think Pretty Ricky's response is DOPE!!! Especially the "M... I... crooked letter crooked letter... I ... hump back hump back... I" one!

Oh, and I KNOW who shot Biggie. He was a tall, dark Muslim man with a bowtie working alongside a crooked L.A. cop...and I'm not REMOTELY joking...

But back to the blog - good topic. Although as a man, I'm single not cuz I don't want to settle down - but moreso cuz it's pretty hard to find a woman worth what I'd bring to the table. Not saying that being arrogant, just being honest. I KNOW what I bring to a relationship, and how I have and would treat a woman I'm in a relationship with...and I don't meet a lot of women worth the treatment I have to give. Most of my female friends who know tend to agree.

Which is why I have a growing legion of friends trying to get me to move...but that's another story...

Stay picky, ladies. Don't settle down until he's RIGHT. You know what you want, and what you deserve.

Although, I gotta admit - as many people (men and women) come at you, Meryl - I think you could have a mate tomorrow if you chose to...

Annamaria said...

I really love how Rameer calls you Meryl all the time now!!!!!
It's kinda like when I went thru my AnnaJolia stage!!! lol

Brooke said...

Yes, Rameer has jokes - I just ride with hit now...Meryl it is.

(even tho I am no where NEAR as dramatic as Meryl Streep - jus sayin ;-)

I was telling a couple coworkers at lunch that I've been single now for 6 years. My last relationship lasted 3 years and he was pretty amazing. It's hard to go backwards after you've been treated well, and I refuse to do it. So if that makes me picky, then oh well. Like you Rameer, I know what I bring to the table and what I'm worth...and I give 100% in every relationship I'm in. I personally think I thrive in relationships, but I also appreciate many aspects of my single life as well. It's about enjoying the moment...or trying to anyway.

Yolanda, I like that! I'm gonna say that next time, cuz anyone who has seen my Coach bag knows it's big enough to strangle someone with! LOL!!

Oh, and Rameer, I almost got hit on AGAIN by some chick at lunch. Good thing Momo was with me or I would have gotten stepped to! She looked like a dude tho, not the typical lipstick lesbians that come at me. Monica was like "damn, she wants to be your boo!" I just don't get it...but hey, whatever.

Serena, you're gonna get a man now that you're back here - mark my words.

Annamaria, Craig gave you that name, that was too cute :) AND FITTING! LOL!!

Rameer said...

I feel, you, Meryl. I agree - once you've been treated good, there's no going back...

Hit on AGAIN?!? Boy, I'm telling you - you're like lesbian kryptonite! Me and you gon' have to take a trip to DC...there's PLENTY of them down there! They'll EAT YOU UP (um, LITERALLY - LMBAO!!!)...

Y'all gonna have to knock the purse-strangling jokes off...Arturo Gatti was a good dude, and great boxer.

Brooke said...

Why am I not surprised Rameer wants to take me to the lesbian capital of the world :-) Well, maybe not the CAPITAL, but he said "WE'RE" gonna have to take a trip...tryna pimp me out! :)

I don't know what it is. I wish there was a lesbian on here who could tell me what's going on.

Gatti got strangled by a purse? I didn't read the story yet...

Craig n 'em said...

This is how you play it Brooke...




Proceed to muster all strength from waist down...Crank your leg back and BEND HIS NUTS LIKE BECKHAM!

B: The fuck you askin' me that dumb ass question, NUMB NUTS....If I'm single, Rejoice and play the role to get my number so you can get in my drawz you dumb fuck!

NUMB NUTS is on the floor squirming around like MAXWELL in "TILL THE COPS COME KNOCKIN'"

GUY: OK, SHIT! But why you gotta bust my balls in the process?

B: Cuz you here bustin my balls on why I'm single!!!

That's a question that should be asked AFTER you have sex...

Rameer said...

Yeah...Gatti's wife strangled him in their room allegedly. While they were on their second honeymoon in Brazil...with their kid there.

-V- said...

Good blog sweetie.

I always get asked, "why are you STILL single?"

My standard responses:

- "Why not?"

- "Cuz I can."

- "Why get married reluctantly?"

Brooke said...

V - your answer should be:

"cuz I'm gonna be Brooke's baby daddy and I don't think a wife would like that" LOL!!

I knew they didn't find any bullet holes or stab wounds, but I hadn't heard that he was strangled. So sad. That's a shame, feel sorry for the kid.

Craig, you tryna get my ass kicked or something? LOL! That's funny as hell tho! Why should it be a question asked AFTER sex?

...well, maybe if the sex is really good he might be wondering how someone didn't lock down the kitty kat yet ;)

Craig n 'em said...

I say after sex cuz...Who really gives a shit initially...Unless the person is crazy....You never really know why a muthafucka is single until you with the muthafucka yo self...

People can say what ever they want...

I love Pretty Ricky's response too! But what if the muthafucka start twitchin' back!

GUY: (RAINMAN TONE) I love PEACHES and PEACHES Loves me!..I didn't mean to bite PEACHES nipple off! No more BOOM BOOM from PEACHES...Makes me and pee pee sad...

The Cable Guy said...

Brooke could have me if she wanted, but she don't love me back.

I think people (men in particular) can't believe your single because you are just so wonderful. I'm dead serious about that. Everyone on this blog knows what I think about you, and from the sound of it, most of us think your great.

Like Rameer said, don't settle. You are too wonderful to settle for anyone less than a man who can give you the world. I'm not surprised your single at all, becuase most dudes out here don't deserve you.

Brooke said...

LMAO!!!! Craig, you're right! If they start twitchin back it's a problem!! LOL!!!

Thank you cable guy :)

Yolanda said...

Choked by a purse? Rameer...that's some gangsta stuff right there man. He's a BOXER, dude. How does a woman choke a boxer? Did she drug him while he was drunk? I know she claims he pushed her or something, so maybe there was a history there and she finally had enough. Or maybe she's just young and nutty and he did nothing wrong. Who knows?

What is up with these youngins going straight wacko on their men this month?

Makes you want to STAY single for real!

Craig n 'em said...

Damn Brooke....Sounds like the Cable Guy wants to eat your PEACH COBBLER!!!

Brooke said...

LMAO!!! I think he wants to too!

You're right Yolanda, what is up with these women nowadays...going straight looney over a dude?!

And right, how does a woman choke a BOXER? she had to drug him, choked him in his sleep.

The Cable Guy said...

I DO want to Craig, she won't let me! I've been trying to get with B since December, she ain't having no parts of it. I thought she thought I was cute ;)

She bagged ME remember? The "Cougar" blog. I see it was all for sport now :(

Rameer said...

To kind of "serious up" things for a bit...

I wrote in a previous blog of how I was taught to hit/defend myself against anyone who meant to do me harm - woman or NOT. I also pointed out that a simple blow to the head, no matter how hard or light, has the potential to kill someone. Why do I reference this?

Cuz I would never react like "how does a woman choke a boxer??" Where and how I grew up, we have a saying: "Anybody can get TOUCHED." Meaning, anyone can be taken out by anyone at any time. The only thing that separates the survivors is caution and preparation.

The details aren't fully out on the Gatti case other than the police belief that she choked him with the purse. We don't know if he was sleep, drugged, or she somehow overpowered him. But I will say this - THAT'S why I said I will beat the brakes off ANYONE meaning harm to me, regardless of size or gender.

I've seen enough to not ever be surprised that a small woman took out a big man. Or whatever the scenario. Many of y'all upbringings may be different, but where I was raised - those who sleep do so ETERNALLY.

R.I.P. Arturo Gatti - the real-life Rocky.

Brooke said...

I agree Rameer, a motivated person will FIND a way to take someone out. Look at McNair...asleep on his couch...never saw it coming. Thank goodness he was a asleep, but still very tragic.

Serena W. said...

Dang I was unpacking and missed the great comments. Brooke let's see if you're right. I will tell you I'm not looking. I think whomever he is it will all be natural.

Until then I'm enjoying my sinle life fo' sure! (Ooops sorry, I'm no longer in Dallas, can't say fo' sure lol).

This is not the lesbian capital of the world! Well at least not where I hang. Now Dallas...yes! Mad lesbians there!

Choking peeps out with a purse? Wow that's bananas!!!!

Georgia Peach said...

Can I say that i LOVE THIS BLOG! All your reasons are pretty much mine and you know what... I like it that way. haven't read all the comments here... but go on girl!

Brooke said...

Yeah Glee, you and I have the same mindset when it comes to being single and dating :)

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