Friday, April 2, 2010
TGIF!
I know...I'm late. Sorry! I'm still sick, and swamped at work - but I wanted to share this "Dear Brookey" email I received today.
Dear Brookey,
I've been in a loving relationship with my man for 2 years now. We get along great, have the same values and goals in life, and I truly believe I found "the one" for me. He was engaged once before, but it didn't work out obviously between them. He recently proposed to me and I happily said yes. He presented me with a gorgeous ring. I loved it. BUT...it's the same ring he proposed with to his ex! I jokingly asked him if it was the same ring he proposed with before and he said YES! I was horrified. I cried. I thought that was totally insensitive. He thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I can't believe he gave me her ring...the ring she returned to him after they broke off their engagement. This is our first really big fight, and I love him dearly and want to marry him, but I gave him the ring back and asked him to give me another one. Am I wrong?
-Ringless
wow.
I mean....wow.
I know we're in a recession and all, but come on dude....really?
I mean, I get it. Maybe to a man, a ring is a ring. But when getting engaged, most women hope that the ring they're presented with is unique to them - bought with her in mind. An engagement ring should only be recycled if it's a family heirloom, passed down from mother to son for him to present to his future wife as an honor...not the "hand it back" ring.
Maybe it was too late for him to get his money back...understood. But if I were him, I would have at least changed the setting, opted for a store credit, or used the ring to upgrade or trade for another one. As gorgeous as the ring is, I'm sure all you see when you look at it is "her ring."
At least you can say he's not a liar...cuz that's what I would have done had I chosen to give a man a recycled ring from a previous relationship - so at least he's honest. A little clueless maybe, but honest nonetheless :-) Forgive him, tell him calmly the reasons why you're not comfortable with the ring he gave you, ask him nicely to change the ring, and get on with planning the wedding. I don't think this is a deal breaker by any means, but he should have been a little bit more thoughtful with the whole ring thing. If you feel like he's "the one" - then this doesn't have to be a fight. I'm sure if you explain to him in a heartfelt way why his decision may have been a bit insensitive, he'll understand.
Take him to the jewelry store and pick out a new setting together so he can finally put a ring on it...the right way :-)
Anyone else feel differently than I do? Feel free to give her some advice...I wanna see what you all have to say about this one!
Go!
-b
18 comments:
FIRST BITCHES!
First Bitches!
DAMN YOU STEF!
"take dat, take dat!" LMAO!!
Anyway, OH HELL NAW! No he DIDN'T give her the SAME DAMN RING he gave that other chick!! What was he thinking???
No she is NOT wrong and he SHOULD have known better. I mean, clearly he thought nothing was wrong with is given that he told her the truth! He should have just lied about it and saved himself all the grief! But damn, how stupid can he be!?
I'm sorry, not to be talking about her man, but c'mon son. That was just tacky!
Go get another ring and tell him he was dead wrong. That's it!
Anyway, I agree...bruh was a bit clueless on this one. I'm all for getting the ring back, but he should have done what you suggested, get a credit, upgrade, trade, SOMETHING. You don't give the woman you love some other woman's ring...a ring you chose for someone else.
I would hope that when it comes time for me to shop for a ring, I only have to do it once. But in the event that I don't, I want the ring to reflect the woman I love NOW, not the woman I loved BEFORE. Dude seems like he might be a good dude and just messed up. Tell him that you'd like a ring that you two choose together, not one from his past. He should understand that. Hopefully he'll get it and you both can move on.
She is not wrong to do what she did.
Well she has a couple of options. Take the ring then sell it on this site http://www.exboyfriendjewelry.com or take the ring and be pissed forever (and she'll probably have so much resentment and enmity the relationship will end anyway), or give it back (which I think was the right thing to do).
Spoke about this with a couple co-workers and clearly the sentimental value has been lost. Although I disagree with the premise behind engagement rings, if you are going to do it, at least do it right.
If cash was such an issue regarding the ring, he should have:
1. Sold the original and got cash from the first ring for a new ring while putting some extra cash towards the total value of the new ring to shore up the depreciative cost since he bought the first ring a while ago.
2. Don't do anything at all.
3. Whatever value he got from the first ring, use that to by the next.
If cash was not an issue, WTFWUT brotha?
Very well said Malik, I agree!
He was trippin.
Dude, c'mon son!
lol. Bad move. Bruh, you get points for honesty, but its just not a classy move...
Hey fool, remember this simple rule:
New relationship, new ice.
End of story.
DMoe
As someone who recently got engaged I can say that would have been a deal breaker. Now granted I didn't even see my ring clearly until after my proposal cuz I was too busy crying BUT when I sat down & looked at it I fell in love. I fell more in love as Powerz described how he felt picking it out for ME! And how he described planning MY proposal. Had he given me the ring his ex wife had I would have politely said thanks but no thanks. I'd rather plan a simple wedding with no ring at all (if it was for financial reasons) than to have a recycled ring. We wait our whole lives for that moment & he tainted it with the memory of the last chick. I think it was inconsiderate. And TACKY as all hell. And I'd really like to hear how he really feels about her because it sounds like he doesn't deserve her... I don't care how nice the ring may be...
I'm sorry, but that's straight bullsh*t. I don't care if it was for finanacial reasons or not, that was inconsiderate and tacky, just like Annamaria said. He was beyond clueless. A ring isn't "just a ring." It's a symbol of his commitment to YOU. Not HER. There is no excuse for what he did. None. You were right to give it back and ask for another one. I think you handled it well, because I would have gone off on him!
WOW is right, but I agree totally with you Brooke. They should change the ring setting.This is not a deal breaker.Engagement rings are expensive. I like the Jewelry source in NJ.The diamonds are man made and not Blood diamonds which I'm extremely against.Diamonds are not as hard to get as the industry leads you to believe.It doesn't seem like he was being malicious.
I agree Stephanie, and Brooke, not a deal breaker. He made a mistake that can be fixed. Sit him down and make him understand your feelings on the whole thing and I'm sure he'll understand.
Homie was just being plain ole cheap! He knew damn well what he was doing by recycling the ring. I would bet that he's probably been a cheap-o all of his life, because to be capable of doing something like this doesn't just happen over night.
Having said that, you are now probably very aware of just how cheap he can be. Keep your eyes open. He has a lot to make up for. I wouldn't take a stunt like this lightly...once a cheap-ass.. always a cheap ass. Next thing you know, behind your back he'll be dusting off food that has fallen on the floor just to save a buck. Again, keep your eyes open sister.
Thank you all for your comments. I had another talk with him and he gets it now. In his defense, he has never been cheap with other things in the past. He's actually very generous. I never pay for dates, we go on vacations that he pays for, he buys me thoughtful gifts all the time, etc. I guess when it comes to engagement rings, he felt like since he shelled out alot of money for a gorgeous ring, ANY woman would want it. I don't care about the cost of the ring - I just want it to be MY ring. I'd rather have a ring from a Cracker Jack box than a ring he gave someone else. He felt I would care more about the size and the cost than the thought behind it. ALot of women care more about the ring than the man, but I'm not that way, and he knows that now.
We're going ring shopping this weekend. Thanks again Brooke!
Congrats to you for finding the perfect one. As you said first he gives you the used engagement ring but I disagree with you. May be he is in deep felling with this Engagement Ring and he wants you to have it. Whatever it is God bless you both.
Engagement Rings is a great trend.if two peoples falling in love and wants to be get married!!!!!
Great post. I would be just as upset if my boyfriend gave me a used engagement ring from a previous engagement. I would accept a ring that he bought used from a store but not his previous engagement. Your engagement is supposed to be special to you and only you. Thanks so much for sharing, I love the comments in this post!
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