Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Player Hate-Her

Happy Hump Day!

I know I'm late, but I've been putting out fires all morning at work. It's hard enough being here on a fabulous, gorgeous day...but to actually work too? The nerve of them making me earn my paycheck! ;-)

At lunch time, I escaped and sat in the little park around the corner eating salad with Monica...soaking up the warm sun. After we finished, she headed back to work while I stopped and got a much needed mani/pedi. My toes were jacked, and you can't be rocking sandals with chipped polish on your toes. Not cute.

As I was sitting getting my legs massaged with scented lotion, I noticed a woman making the most ugly screw face I'd ever seen. I followed her gaze out the window to see a woman walking across the street, switching with a "I know I'm the shiznit" walk, rocking a short, black dress. It was fitting her snugly, but the dress hugged her curves in a sexy way. I wasn't mad at her in the least...after all, it IS 86 degrees outside. She didn't look trashy. She just guess. Either way, ole girl sitting in the other pedi chair seemed to be disgusted at what she was looking at, so I figured she must have been looking at something else - because the woman crossing the street didn't seem to warrant a gas face like THAT.

Five minutes later, Pedi Girl's friend saunters up into the nail salon.

"Girl, you still not done?" she says taking a seat in the empty chair next to her.

Pedi Girl: "No. But let me tell you about this hoochie I saw crossing the street just now. She had on this tight ass dress, looking all stank. She was sticking her butt out walking all crazy with all her stuff hanging out. This weather is bringing them all out I guess."

I was sitting there listening to her describe this woman in detail...but the details were exaggerated. And the level of hate that spewed from her mouth was toxic. Everyone in the salon gave each other a look like, "Wow...what a hater!"

It was unprovoked and unnecessary. And sad.

Why do some women do this to each other? You know the type I'm talking about. The ones who are not happy unless they're tearing someone else down. The ones who can't wait to talk about someone else. Women who unnecessarily display a negative attitude toward another woman for trivial or no apparent reason.

You've seen her.

- She's not happy if no one notices how fabulous SHE is.

- She's always pointing out other people's flaws instead of realizing that no one is perfect - even her.

- She only speaks when she has something negative to say, but never compliments anyone if doing so will make her melt or turn to stone.

- If you disagree with her, you must be jealous.

- It's always someone else, never HER that needs to be checked.

The ironic thing is the woman kept saying, "Sistas need to have more respect for themselves rather than wearing skimpy clothes."

Maybe that's true in some instances. But in this case, the woman walking across the street didn't look trashy, and she wasn't spilling out all over the place. She embellished the truth simply so she could hate - which is ridiculous.

But more important, sistas need to stop hating on other sistas. Women need to stop hating on other women - period. Instead of talking about the sista, why not try to uplift one? It's always the ones commenting in the name of "sisterhood" that are guilty of being the very ones to tear another one down. How about this: if you don't have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself! Who cares what you think? The woman walking across the street didn't do anything to you...and why do you care what she's wearing anyway?

If you're happy with yourself and love yourself, chances are you don't really have time to hate on anyone else. I find that usually the woman hating on a thin chick is the one who secretly wishes she could shed a few pounds. Most times, the woman who comments on the girl walking down the street with her stomach out wishes she had a six pack herself. The ones talking about the next woman's weave probably can't grow her hair past her chin and wishes she had long locks...or the nerve to rock a weave. The one telling her girlfriend that she's "loose" because she has a lot of male suitors probably is hating because she hasn't had a date in months. The list could go on. Not saying this is always the case, but you get what I'm saying.

Women who are comfortable with themselves, feel good about themselves, love the way they look, and are happy with their position in life do not hate on other women. Women who do not feel that they are lacking in any given area do not hate on other women. And if you're not happy with something in your life - fix it. Don't hate on someone else because that's the only way you can feel good about yourself. Don't tear someone else down just to lift yourself up. It's a false sense of pride, and only satisfies your ego but for so long.

Are there always going to be women hating on other women? Absolutely. Just don't be one of them. True happiness comes when you're too busy being fly to notice the flaws in other people.



Anthony Otero said...


Stef said...


Anthony Otero said...

Here is my comment on this topic. Misery loves company. People who hate themselves will hate everyone else.

Stef...yes 2 days in a row. I think you need to step your game up

Monica said...

LMAO check Ant out!

Dang I wish I could have been the nail salon too! My toe nails can use some love. Brooke thats just plain rediculous. Some women are so insecure that all they can do is down other women. Give props when props are due!

Serena W. said...

When there is a player hate-her it makes me wonder how they were raised too? Were they around haters, ones who downed others for pleasure or those who suffered pain and are now insecure. Or are they just plain hateful, get joy out of lying and making assumptions about peeps.

Sadly there are men that are haters and hate on women too. I know Rameer has a term for this lol.

Ladies if you have player hate-hers in your circle or even close to you, get rid of them and tell em to step off.

Life is to short, use that hate as fuel added to your fire and rise above it ;)

Jay said...

Ant is ON IT! LOL!

As for the woman in the nail salon, she sounds miserable, like Ant said. It's sad, but it's women like her that fuel the stereotype that all women are catty and petty. I know that's not true, but for ALOT women, that's a trait they carry. I don't know what it is - jealousy, competition, whatever, but like Serena said, life is too short.

And trust, there are plenty of men who hate on other men too. Bitchassness at its finest. Like you said B, if I'm busy doing ME, then I don't have time to hate on YOU. Good blog.

Stef said...

I'm gonna borrow Annamaria's taser real quick so I can zap Ant's ass!

But like evryone said, she sounds like a miserable, hateful bitch! Yes, I said it! Women who hate and are gossipy like that on TOP of being a hater are BITCHES! There are women, and then there are hatin ass bitches. And she's one of them!

She probably WISHES she had the body that woman had. Like you said Brooke, instead of hating on her for being fly, maybe she should work on making herself the flyest SHE can be. When you're too busy working on making yourself better, you don't have time to hate on anyone else. You won't WANT to, because you'll be secure within yourself. I can't stand women like that, and whenever I get a chance, I try to mentor young girls on feeling good about themselves and to not be the type of women who go around hating on each other. That has got to stop!

Anonymous said...

Haters are just plain insecure and ignorant. They just don't know it. They have no love in their lives, not even a love of self.They choose to live in denial and refuse to grow. Nine times out of ten these haters will forever be haters. It's kind of sad when you think about it.Screw that hating ass BIOTCH. she BETTER CHANGE HER ATTITUDE BEFORE SHE TURNS INTO THE CAT LADY Everyone makes fun of.I thank GOD all the time that he has blessed me with an amazing group of women who are nothing but loving and supporting. Every time we try to bring in a new girl there is always this hesitation like you CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THAT TIGHT AND COOL WITH EACH OTHER.It's almost like some women expect other women to just hate on each other. I don't get it.My grandma always said "Stephanie there will always be someone smarter than you, prettier than you or someone who makes more money than you. That does not make them better than you.Always be the
best person you can be,don't let anyone disrespect you or make you feel less than, because you are fabulous". I can only say thank you grandma, I miss you.

SuSu said...

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!! If not, shut the hell up with all the hating!

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