Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Happy Hump Day!

So, if you were listening to Hot97 this morning, maybe you heard the "He Said, She Said" feature they do daily. Today's dilemma was something along the lines of a woman feeling like she should only have sex when she wants to - and if he wants to and she doesn't...then oh well. He said he felt like it was her "obligation" to satisfy him since he's her man. She feels that since she's the "breadwinner," she don't have to do SHIZNIT of she doesn't feel like it!

But does one have to do with the other? I don't think so.

I think the bigger question is: are you obligated to satisfy your partner at all times, even if you have a headache, Aunt Flo is in town, or if you're just plain tired?

Now, I don't think this would even be a question for me...or an issue. It's very rare that I'm not in the mood, and if I'm doesn't take much to GET me in the mood. But if you're with someone who has a very different sex drive than you do, this can be a problem.

So, while you all tell me if you are OBLIGATED to satisfy your partner sexually, I'll list some benefits to having sex....even when you don't want to.

1. If you have sex at least twice a week you will look at least 5 years younger. This has been discovered by English researchers who compared couples who have sex regularly and couples of the same age who prefer sexual abstinence. Couples having regular sex looked much younger than their actual age, while those who opposed sex looked their age at best. There is just one disclaimer though: in order for the body and soul to be young you should have sex with a regular sex partner who you care about rather than sleeping around.

2. Exercising in bed is a pleasant alternative to exhausting exercise in the gym. There has been a study done proving that 26 minutes of having sex with climaxing at the end burns all the calories you consume by eating an entire pizza! The study even said the simple jaw exercise of unhooking a woman's bra with your teeth burns 86 kilocalories right away. Imagine how many calories you burn doing "other" jaw exercises ;-)

3. Hormones serotonin and oxytocin produced during orgasm help get rid of insomnia. Both of these hormones have a relaxation effect and serve as a great sleeping pill. This explains why the moans of ecstasy and bliss are quickly replaced with the steady breathing of sleep.

4. Unfortunately, with age, men hesitate to have sex, which is too bad since regular sex life actually helps men to maintain potency, stay in good shape and have a good mood.

5. Bad mood is also a reason to have sex. During sexual intercourse, endorphin is produced - which is the hormone that stimulates good moods and optimistic perception of the surrounding world. That is the reason why sex relieves stress and improves your mood. Endorphins' effects are multiplied by the hormones serotonin, cortisol and dopamine, which actively fight depression and cause the after-sex euphoria.

6. The skin of sexually active women is smooth and silky. A regular sex life increases the production of collagen protein, which is the element that improves the skin metabolism, moisturizes the skin, and makes its surface smooth and soft. You are unlikely to see the face of a sexually active woman covered in I'd do it for that reason alone :-)

7. It turns out that women that enjoy giving oral sex have easier and more enjoyable pregnancies than those women who prefer traditional means of lovemaking. There has been an experiment performed by Australian scientists on a hundred women - the results of which were that regular intimate relationships before pregnancy - and especially oral sex - help a woman's immune system get used to the partner's sperm. Most inconveniences during the nine months of expecting are caused by the struggle of the mother's immune system with the foreign body or fetus. However, if the husband and wife's bodies "communicated" a lot on the sexual oral level, the woman's body is more likely to accept the new "guest" without causing any issues. Sounds like a man came up with these results if you ask me ;-)

8. Male hormone pheromones normalize the woman's hormonal balance. A weekly portion of this substance eliminates any menstrual cycle abnormalities. I believe that? maybe....

9. Out of all the known sedatives sex is the most pleasant and healthy. During the climax, the tensed muscles contract intensively which leads to absolute relaxation. During this time, the person not only completely relaxes physically...but also mentally. This is exactly the reason why people who have satisfying sex lives are more friendly and content than those who avoid the pleasures of sex. Now THAT makes perfect sense to me :)

10. Sex with the person you love is a great medicine against migraines. It definitely helps American women according to a study conducted by Illinois scientists on 50 sexually active women suffering from migraines. Every fourth of them had a noticeable reduction of a headache after each sexual encounter, and every eighth woman had a headache go away completely. I get migraines, so I need to have sex for no other reason than to get rid of them!

11. Sex is the best prevention of prostate inflammation and cancer, both of which lead to a decline of male's sexual abilities. Regular ejaculation for a man is not only the pleasurable moment of orgasm, but also the emptying of the prostate gland, which is the required condition for its health.

12. A passionate and sensual woman who has sex often is very likely to have an ideal flat stomach - which is no wonder since the movement of the penis inside the vagina and the muscle contractions at the moment of orgasm are a great exercise for your abdomen. Strong pelvic muscles not only keep your abs in great shape, but also your back. Therefore "exercising" in bed replaces any diets. And here I am killing myself in the gym with Deebo!

13. Sex is a great stimulant of the immune system. Those who have sex once or twice a week have 30% more immune cells produced than those who are sexually passive, hence the conclusion that sex can protect against getting sick.

14. Regular sex is a good exercise for a heart muscle, therefore reducing heart diseases.

15. According to British scientists, sexually active people live much longer than sexually lazy ones. There is another observation they made - those who have a good sexual appetite and are married also live longer, and being married is an obligatory requirement for longevity of the same importance as sex. I knew there had to be a loophole :-)

So, all that being sex still an "obligation?" What are y'all doing tonight? ;-)



Craig n 'em said...

FIRST BIOTCHES!!!! Never thought it would be ME, HUH???!!!

Stef said...

Dammit Craig!

Craig n 'em said...

Me: Babe, I read this blog where if you have sex twice a week you will look 5 years younger.

Babe: Good we hit that mark…

Me: Weeeelll…Technically, not really.

Babe: Yes we do!

Me: We had sex on Tuesday.

Babe: Right, after Lost and then again after SNL.

Me: Right but see…SNL finishes at 1:00 am. That’s Sunday, not Saturday. So we REALLY only bone once a week. We should be boning at least 5 times a week.

Babe: Five times??!!! How young you tryina' look? Who the hell you trying to look like?

Me: Benjamin Button...


Babe: You’re an idiot.

Me: No, Im horny. It also says that the skin of a sexually active woman is smooth and silky. Lately, your forehead’s been breaking out…looks like the back of a Nestle crunch bar.

Babe: That’s from too much soda, you asshole. You know I got a weakness for FANTA.

Me: right…(pause) It also says that women who have a lot of sex have a flatter stomach…It says when I’m in you, its good exercise for the abdomen. You need to do COOCHIE CRUNCHES.

Babe: Right, as your BELLY is hanging over my Coochie…feels more like weight lifting…

Me: Hmmmm…Touche…It says here that sex with the person you love is a great medicine for migraines.

Babe: I get migraines AFTER I have sex with you.

Me: After? That's not....wait...after?

Babe: I still love you tho…

Me: Uh yeah, I love you too…

Jay said...

I think that if you look at sex as an obligation, then how can it be enjoyable? I'd want my partner to want me, not do it because they feel they HAVE to.

Not sure what being the breadwinner has to do with anything, but that just sounds more like a control issue than anything. If you use sex as a weapon, then the relationship is doomed.

All those benefits to having sex sound great to me though! I'd better get on it! LOL!

Stef said...

LMAO@ "coochie crunches"! LOL!!

Craig, you're STUPID!

ArrElle said...

@Craig n 'em once again you're nuts LMAO @"Babe: Right, as your BELLY is hanging over my Coochie…feels more like weight lifting"…

I cosign with Jay, I want the man to want me not because he feels obligated to have sex with me, where's the passion in that??

Hmmm having sex flattens your stomach and clears your skin hey sounds good to me, I will pray extra hard tonight for the right man to come into my life

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Craig needs his own weekly show. Seriously, dude cracks me the eff up!! Lmao!!!

I would NEVER want my partner to feel like sex is an obligation. That's how old, miserable married couples view it. With that being said, I have a HIGH sexual appetite when I'm with if she isn't on the same page, it won't work.

That "scheduled sex" ish you hear about (especially in sparkless marriages) is ABSURD to me...

annamaria said...

1. I'm afraid to tase Craig.

2. Schedule sex?? Really??? That shit is pure bullshit! Its one thing to send a text to let ur mate know u gonna tear that ass up later BUT its a WHOLE different story to have a sex appt on ur Outlook calendar on the 3rd Saturday of the month? Wtf kinda bull is that? How boring is that?

3. Unless my brain is seeping thru my skull & outta my ears a headache is still an unacceptable excuse ( and yes I get migraines.. Still not an excuse)

4. If u view sex as an OBLIGATION HOW ARE U ENJOYING IT???

5. LAST but not least.... Win that bread my sister cuz while u out there making that dough someone else will be fucking ur man! That chip on ur shoulder that says u don't have to do it because u r the breadwinner will get u NO WHERE! There are plenty of hardworking women that enjoy sex & will have NO problem snatching him right up. Its ur job to please ur man the same way u want that man to please YOU!!!

ArrElle said...

@ Annamaria, you tell gurl!!!!! LOL

Like most of you I hear the samething about scheduling sex, now granted I'm not in a relationship myself but it still sounds crazy.

I can't see "Obligation sex" as the same as "I'm gonna eff ur brains out tonight, just wait" kinda sex, there's no passion and fire with "Obligated Sex"

I'm going to assume that when couples schedule sex "Obligation sex" then they are just putting up with each other for various reasons either way 'Obligation sex" doesn't sound appealing to me

Stef said...

I don't want my man to feel obligated to have sex with me, nor do I want him to assume that I'm here just for his sexual pleasure.

BUT, what I WILL say is that I've had sex plenty of times when I didn't feel like it just to make him happy. I didn't enjoy it, I didn't want to do it, but I simply rolled over and let him hit it from the back (before the whole headboard incident) so he could get his and I could go back to sleep. Sometimes you have to take one for the team, or some other chick will gladly f&ck your man. If we're in an exclusive relationship where I don't expect him to cheat on me, best believe I'm gonna do all I can to keep my man happy. And he better do that sh&t for me!

Jaz said...

hey everyone!

I love the benefits to having sex, I think I'll print this out to show my man friend so that we can do it more often and keep his prostate healthy :)

As for scheduled sex, I know that may not sound romantic to most of you, but actually, it can be quite good. I used to work a retail job that had weird and LONG hours. I barely had time to have sex, and when I did, my man was working since retail has odd hours. So we'd schedule the day we had sex when our schedules permitted. We would be looking forward to it for so long, that by the time our "date" came around, we'd be all over each other and the sex was great cuz we missed each other. Scheduled sex isn't bad because you prepare for it, have it on your mind and creates a situation where you can't wait to get your hands on the person. Just because it's not spontaneous doesn't mean it's boring or not good. Just my two cents.

annamaria said...

Playing Devil's advocate:

Stef how much do u think he enjoys u rolling over (BH) & letting him hit it while u was daydreaming about sleep. Granted I understand we all get tired sometimes but then make interesting & say I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up at 2am!!

BH means before headboard by the way!

Stef said...

That would never work for me cuz when I sleep, I SLEEP. I don't take naps, I go to SLEEP.

I get what you're saying, and I'm not saying I don't give a "oooh" or an "ahh" every once in a while while he's in there. I give him SOMETHING, just not my ALL. And if he knows I'm dead tired, then he appreciates that I don't turn him down completely. He's probably too damn horny to even notice if I'm all the way into it or not! :)

Sometimes you just have to fake it for the other person's benefit if you care about them.

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Me personally - if a woman isn't fully into it, I'm not having sex. It's no good for me if she doesn't WANT IT and isn't as into the experience as me.

I personally think that can cause a long-term relationship issue in and of itself - just doing something even though you truly don't want to...

Ms. Penn said...

I agree with Jaz. I've scheduled sex and it was wonderful. When two people have very busy lives and work long hours, sometimes that's the only way to make sure you have that intimate time. I don't think scheduling it means it's less passionate or that it's not as gratifying. And I feel that that shows your commitment to the relationship, because a lot of times people allow the sex to leave the relationship and justify it by saying "I'm busy." I think scheduling sex shows commitment in some instances, not that you've become an old boring married couple.

As for sex being an obligation, it shoudln't be. Both parties should WANT each other, not feel that sex is their job. But at the same time, like Stef said, if you expect your partner to be faithful, you have to be willing to please them as you would want them to please you. I'm not saying that a person won't stray if you swing from the chandeliers for him or her every night, but at least they won't be able to say it's because they were missing something at home.

Stef said...

Let's face it, there are gonna be times where you just don't feel like it. It's not all the time, but I'd be lying if I said I was ALWAYS in the mood for sex when he was, or as into it as he was. There are gonna be days where I want him more than he wants me and vice versa. If you're ALWAYS the one compromising and having sex when you don't want to, then there's something else going on. But once in a while, faking it won't hurt if you want your partner 95% of the time.

The Cable Guy said...

I feel like sex IS your partner's responsibility if you're in a committed relationship. It's even a grounds for divorce, so there has to be something to that. Of course I want the woman to want me and be into every time, but that's not always going to happen day in and day out, especially if you're in a long term relationship. I dont' know if we should call it an obligation, but it's definitely a "duty." :)

Ms Nay said...

I never knew that the amount of money you make determines the outcome of your sex life. This girl is completely delisional or just doesn't like to have sex. In any case, I agree with Jaz. There is nothing wrong with scheduled sex. So long as it is regularly scheduled. It cannot be once a month though. It can be whenever and different recurrences. When you have a busy schedule it does not hurt to block out time just for you and your partner. This does not mean that you meet in the bedroom at 8:00 PM sharp and have dull lazy sex. It means that you make the time that you will be together special. For those of you who knock it you should try it. Just because you schedule sex does not mean that you don't wnat your partner or that you don't enjoyt sex. To me it means the exact opposite. Nor does mean that you can't have sex whenever the mood hits either. It just means you know that no matter what at least once, twice (or however you schedule it) a week it's going down, no exceptions. I also agree with Stef that sometimes you take one for the team and that goes both ways. Though I have to disagree about not enjoying it, I think that you should always enjoy sex with your partner pre- and post- headboard. As far as sex being an obligation…I think that in a relationship there is an unspoken obligation. There are times when one party is not in the mood but he/she has to perform because they know the time will come when the situation is reversed and they will want the other party to do the same. Take it from me I look 17, burn calories well (without ever going to the gym) sleep well at night, am always in a good mood, have great skin, had a great pregnancy, have no PMS, never have a headache, have a fairly flat stomach, have healthy heart and I’m married. ;-) LOL!!!

Stef said...

Ms. Nay is DEFINITELY reaping the benefits of sex :)

Brooke, you look young and have great skin, you're always in a good mood, you're healthy and seem to glow. You don't compain of being tired and you haven't mentioned having a migraine in a while.

Hmmm.... :-)

Annamaria said...

Ms. Nay has great skin & is always glowing..LMAO..

And Geeque always looks

And don't give her no liqour cuz then the schedule goes out the window!!!! lmao

Rameer The Circumstance said...

I suppose in the scenarios some of you have presented, scheduled sex doesn't seem all that bad. But when I think of it, and think of what I've read or heard (sometimes from co-workers!), I think of "oh, Henry and I have sex every 3rd Thursday of the month" or "me and the missus check the schedule, and try to fit in a few minutes every two weeks". Now, if these type of scenarios are cool for some of you, so be it. But for ME, that ish would be SAD.

There are times when me and my girl can "schedule" sex without literally doing so. If I'm coming over Thursday night, and we both know we're wanting each other cuz we haven't seen each other in a couple of days - sure, that's kinda like scheduled sex. We're gonna spend time with each other, sure - but we BOTH know we'll be getting down that night unless something comes up (illness, late night working causing tiredness, etc.). But the typical ways you hear on Dr. Drew's "Loveline" or whatever from miserable couples or unhappy couples? NAH.

Like that ish that was on "Tough Love: Couples"? NAH. That's dysfunctional, in my opinion. You rarely have sex, and you try to schedule it mechanically like the 3-month oil change? Wack in terms of me. If it works for others, so be it - I've never done it, and hope to never have any experience in doing it.

For my relationships - when we don't feel like doing it, we don't do it. I'm REAL BIG on being honest and communicative. But luckily I've never run into a woman who doesn't want it as much (if not more) than me. My present girlfriend initiates it probably 8 out of 10 times. And we can usually tell when is not a good time to press the other for sex...

Like last night? Wasn't good to press me for sex during the Lakers game - at least until the 4th quarter...lolz!

Ms. Penn said...

Scheduled sex that is mundane is no fun. Trying to fit in a few minutes isn't good. It shouldn't be done just to get it over with, it should be done because you truly desire and love each other and want that connection. Like Ms. Nay said, if you truly love the other person and WANT them, then scheduling sex is what you do when you WANT to be with the other person, not because it's on your "to-do" list.

Brooke said...

Here's a question - have any of you ever somehow fallen in love with someone you weren't really attracted to physically/sexually?

Stef said...

good question - can't say that I have. I've been with guys who weren't my best sex, but I've always been attracted to the men I've dealt with.

Ms. Penn said...

I've managed to fall in love with a man I wasn't INITIALLY attracted to physically. We were friends first, and I fell in love with the person he was, not necessarily what he looked like. The more I fell for him as a person and a man, the more attracted to him physically I became - so I think it's possible.

The Fury said...

I'm late to the game on this one, but I had a helluva day. So...I love your list of benefits of sex. I may print that out and carry it on a little card like police do the Miranda rights. LOL

"Obligation" sounds ehhhh to me. However, a willingness to please your partner should be at the top of your to do list everyday. whether sexually or in another way.

Is it possible for me to fall in love with someone I'm not physically attracted to? maybe. probable. nope.

sexually? maybe. they'd have to have one helluva personality...and not be against me getting my Tiger Woods on. LOL

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