Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
Speaking of humping, today's "Dear Brookey" question is right on time.
Dear Brookey,
I can't believe I'm writing to a stranger about this, but I like the advice you and your readers give on your blog...so here goes. I am in a relationship with a great guy. I think we have a wonderful relationship and I'm insanely attracted to him. We have a healthy sexual appetite for each other...I think...but one thing really bothers me. He doesn't have an orgasm every time we have sex. While I do...multiple times actually...we can have sex for weeks without him having an orgasm. I'm not saying he NEVER cums, but there can be stretches of time where he doesn't. I worry that I'm not pleasing him, even though he says he's extremely attracted to me and that I please him. So what is the problem?? Is it possible that he's cheating on me, therefore can't get off all the time? I feel inadequate now, and it's affecting my ability to enjoy MYSELF when we have sex because I find that I'm only focused on trying to make HIM climax. After I climax, it's over. He's very affectionate and cuddly afterwards, and even seems relaxed and pleased, but I want him to bust! Am I trippin?
Hmm.....this is a good one. Maybe the men can chime in on this topic for me.
First let me say, there are MANY reasons why a man can't or won't climax EVERY time during sex. It could be stress. It could be that he's tired. It could be issues with his health - such as heart disease or diabetes. It could be that a man is having emotional issues, such as anxiety. And it could also be that he IS having sex with someone else, although in your situation, I don't think that's the case. The reasons are endless.
However, just because a man or a woman doesn't climax, it doesn't mean that the sex was wack or that you're not being pleased. I've read that 12% of women have never had an orgasm, but still enjoy sex nonetheless. Women feel that sexual appetite, libido, sex drive - whatever you want to call it - is higher in men because they have more testosterone than we do. And for the most part, this can be true. But appetite or desire doesn't necessarily translate into orgasm every single time. And since you said he does have orgasms, just not ALL THE TIME, I wouldn't worry.
Only you know if your man is trustworthy, so you would probably instinctively know if he was stepping out on you or not. But if he tells you that he's attracted to you, is pleased by you, is affectionately intimate with you, and has given you no reason to distrust him - I'd take him at his word. Stop stressing over it, because you'll just make HIM stress over it and then he REALLY probably won't be able to climax...or want to have sex at all. And you won't enjoy sex anymore either. If he enjoys pleasing you, then let him!
I know it can be a blow to the ego to feel like you're not pleasing your man (or woman) - I totally understand that. Perhaps you can try to give him a massage first, or take a long, hot bath together to relax you both. Chances are if the reason he can't cum is because he's stressed, this'll help alleviate that. Or if he's tired, take a nap and then wake up and jump his bones! See if that works :-) If you suspect health issues are the reason he can't or won't cum all the time, make him a doctor's appointment. And if you suspect he's having sex with someone else, then just ask him...or trust your gut and bounce. Again, I don't think he is, but he's YOUR man. You know.
If you feel that nothing is wrong in the relationship and you have a great guy, then let it go. Sex doesn't have to end in orgasm for both partners all the time, and as long as you both enjoy it, that's all that matters.
Anyone else feel differently? Let's hear it!
Go!
-b
74 comments:
First Bitches!
First bitches!
Dammit Annamaria! I'm gonna get you with your own taser!
Wow...about time Stef beat me (when i am around..lol)
For the record, there are times when I didn't bust from sex at all and it has nothing to do with the level of attraction to the woman.
If I am having multiple sessions and I have busted good already the chances of me busting again drops significantly no matter how stimulated I am. Which works out for her at the end of the day...lol
However, I know what will make me bust and he needs to share that with you.
Another possibility is that you are doing it the same way all the time. You may need to spice it up a bit.
@Ant,
It doesn't matter if I beat you if I'm not first...damn Annamaria!! LOL!
And I agree, just because a man doesn't cum all the time doesn't mean you're doing something wrong or that he's cheating. Our pride gets in the way sometimes and has us trippin. If you got a good guy, then girl let it go!
And spice it up like Ant said!
I got this one Brookey!!!
Plain and simple - your vagina might be a bit looser that he is use to. ...not a disrespect but reality. No other reason...if he was cheating - you would not get the cuddling after.
Does he cum during oral....or rougher sex. hand jobs...these are the signs to look for.
Um to even answer this a bit further and properly; we men would need to know the general physics of both parties.
Reason being (this may sound racist but it's not) If he's a brother and you are of Caucasian decent; and he's use to the sisters. (the texture and tightness of a sister's vagina is "tighter" than that of a white chick.) Plus sisters are more rougher...meaning they put in work...drop it like it's hot!
this might sound crazy but it's true, I'm speaking from experience here.
Great topic today.
If he goes weeks without having an orgasm, but you have sex often, that could be a sign of a bigger health issue. I don't mean to worry you, but make an appt. for him to see the doctor just to be sure. My boy had trouble having an orgasm, even though he was stimulated and sexually satisfied, and turns out he had diabetes. Once he got his diabetes in check, he was able to bust again.
I don't mean to be a downer, but I'd have him go get checked out. If he's fine healthwise, then it could be stress or that he's tired. I doubt he's cheating on you, and if he was, I doubt that would hinder his ability to have an orgasm. This sounds symptomatic of other things that have nothing to do with you or cheating.
Good advise Brooke, most women don't realize that men don't cum EVERY single time we have sex. It just be's that way sometimes :) Try not to take it personally and find new ways to please each other. It could be that you just need to try something new like Ant said. Or relax him first, then jump on him, like B said. Shit, that would work for ME! LOL!
Great advice Brooke. Not all men bust every single time we have sex. Most times a man will not turn down sex, even if he's tired or stressed out. Luckily your man seems to want to please you and he gets his pleasure from THAT. Orgasm isn't the only way for us to show we're satisfied - sometimes it feels good to us just to satisfy YOU.
If he IS stressed, I like the massage or hot bath idea. Sometimes it's just a matter of giving a man some space when he gets home to unwind before you jump on him though (even though a good blow job when you walk in the door never hurt ANYbody! lol)
Don't take it personal and don't just assume he's cheating. That's your ego talking. If he says he's pleased and wants to have sex with you and please you, then that's a good dude. Just enjoy being intimate with him and let it go.
Sisters are "rougher" and we're "tighter"? - that sounds like a load of bull to me! And why does it have to be HER fault! LOL!
Not all sistas are tighter than white chicks bruh...not at ALL!
Maybe he loves her and he's just into the routine of it all. That's why she needs to try something new - swing from a chandelier or something, talk dirty, SOMETHING!
Hmmm.. very interesting. Could he be jerkin the chicken every chance he gets without your knowledge, leaving the well dry? Some men (and women) shy away from the topic/conversation of masturbation or are embarrassed that they do it. Especially if you do it a lot! Perhaps holding out is just his way of having sex with women. Maybe this is how he's always had sex and it is normal for him. Whether he's got really hairy palms or not-- you will not know the real reason unless you have a heart to heart conversation with him. It could be anything. Or it could be nothing. Only he knows. Ask him why.
LMAO@ jerkin the chicken! LOL!
Great advice everyone. Nothing more to add really except that I went through this before too. I was trying new positions, givin myself lockjaw, wearing sexy lingerie, just to try to get this man to cum. He would always just laugh and be like "babe, it's not you!" Eventually my insecurities got the best of us and we broke up because of it. Don't let him go if he's a good guy. Just enjoy the sex you're having and don't stress him about it.
Are you mic-checkin this dude? A little oral might help his 'situation.'
-yolanda.
Yolanda, that's what I was wondering ;)
lol @yolanda!
I wanted to say something but..
@Brooke, I wondered too, cuz most dudes bust that way, unless you ain't doing it right!
(Singing) I was reading MEDIATAKEOUT and I JIZZED IN MY PANTS!!!
I don't even know what to say about this one...I always BUST...ALWAYS! HALLELUJAH!!!!
The only time I don't bust is if I have multiple sessions (as Latinegro said)...At that point, I'm just shooting air...Its the equivalent to QUEEFING...I DICK FART (AKA DART)...;-/
EXAMPLE:
Me and my boo were having sex (Missionary)...Her freaky ass wanted me to pull out and LOTION her stomach (F.U. Don't judge us!)...At this point, I was on empty...I pulled out...And my dick COUGHED in her face, YEP, I DARTED right in her GRILL. It was like an OLD MAN taking his last breath, like a cartoon car running out of gas as it drives uphill...That's what my PENIS sounds like when Im out of LOTION.
We both laughed our asses off...She laughed so hard, she started QUEEFING...So there we are, DARTING and QUEEFING the night away...It sounded like kids playing with untied balloons, squeezing the air out for fun... Nothing better than sharing a laugh during sex...Wait, is TMI on Tuesday or Thursday?
Yeah sometimes when a man is having multiple sessions, it takes a GOOD minute to bust again... if at all. It's not because of the woman. Just simple biology. Plus, if the fourplay game is really tight, he might have already "let go" before you 'get it in." Nah mean?
OK I'm gonna tase my internet cuz it just deleted everything I had written.. Let's see if I remember it all.
@Stef: HAHAHAHA BITCH! awww i love you. you are my bff in my head...
@ craig: YOU ARE A FOOL MAN!
UMMM I need some more info before I can come (haha) to a conclusion. It may not be anyone's fault. I think we all need some more insight. We need to know what type of foreplay is involved. What kind of moves are being made, what type of talking is going on, etc etc.
THEN maybe we can all decide what's going on. ALL IN ALL I agree with everyone else. I don't think that means he's cheating on her. There may be something else going on...
Love this blog!
Love it. L.O.V.E it!!
First of all, Stef's on point with the pride thing. Personally, I like to "own" it, which basically means its not some involuntary reflex to the good vibes (so to speak).
Owning it also means I can call upon it whenever I want to (kinda like "on demand") and that's just a personal goal of mine after reading about it somewhere.
I agree with everything said about all the "possible factors" but there is also the one where the dude just may not "want to" on some level because of the regeneration that inevitably has to occur. Or, simply put, he could be challenging himself to go longer and stronger.
But in the end, if you want the dude to bust one, you got an arsenal of items at your disposal.
When in doubt, check the mic and mix it up some.
Its funny how all men just get put in the category, and when we're not in there, its GOTTA be something wrong...
Sincerely,
DMoe
I be having to read DMoe's comments like 2 and 3 times to understand him, but I think I get it :) LOL!
Craig, you are a FOOL! LMAO!!!
Hi everyone.
So the blog is about me. Thank you all for the advice. To answer some questions.
Yes. I bless the mic. Often. And he says he loves it. He cums often that way when he DOES cum, but even with that, not always.
He works alot, so the stress and being tired thing is probably the reason.
He NEVER turns down sex, is very passionate as we're having sex, but then will just be done after I've cum after the 4th or 5th time. His stamina is amazing.
He gets regular physicals, no diabetes or heart disease. But I will ask him to go to his doctor again just to be sure.
We always have foreplay which involves oral..both giving and receiving...and he's great at it!
All in all, I see that I might be trippin. I don't think he's having sex with anyone else, but I must admit my ego got involved. I'll try to lighten up a bit, spice things up (thanks Ant) and not take it personal. He's a great guy and I love him. I just want to make sure I'm pleasing him as much as he pleases me.
Thanks all!
Oh, and Craig. YOU'RE CRAZY! Thanks for the laugh!
Sounds like a good dude.
Don't go looking for trouble.
-yolanda.
Sheeeeeet! Can I just say I WISH I had this problem?! My man busts WAY too fast and often. It's like "can I get some please!?"
Girl, if he's handling his business all night long and doesn't have to bust, then enjoy that shit! At least he doesn't cum too fast like my premature, wack ass boo!
LMAO @ Craig'em, YOU'RE A NUT!!!
@ Brooke-Ra - I don't remember if we talked about this online or off, but I'm sure you remember us discussing this - I'm one of those guys who doesn't need to bust. I bust when I want to, IF I want to. And, like Trippin's man - I have UNEARTHLY stamina. It benefits any woman I've been with.
It has nothing to do with health. I simply LOVE the sex, and am in no rush to get to the nut. When I do want to nut, I do it - very simply. I have great control, and often in the past would have "who will bust first" contests. I won almost every time.
If you know your man well, then don't worry about the "what ifs". Accept that you have a good dude who can throw it down sexually, and is more concerned with your pleasure than that 10-20 seconds of orgasm that many guys are working towards.
80% of women in sexual relationships WISH they had the same problem as you. Admittedly, I HAVE had to ease a few women's egos in the past because I won't bust most times. A few times, I had to bust simply to soothe that ego...which always amazed the women that I could simply bust on cue.
TMI?? Lmao...
Damn NeNe, why you still with this cat??? I couldnt' deal with that shit, never!
Craig is hilarious.
That is all...
Dmoe
LMAO @ Craig n'em, You're a nut!!!!
@ Ne Ne hmmmm shouldn't he be your "wack azz ex Boo" gurl how much of that wackness can you take??? Just askin... 8-(
I love his squirtin ass, sigh....
But we have to have a talk, cuz this shit is getting RIDICULOUS! He blames me! Talking about I'm all tight and wet. He didn't used to be like this, but now it's like he can't control the shit!
Trippin seems to be set straight, so can we talk about MY problem now please!?
Rameer, I remember our discussion. Women think they can MAKE a man cum when she wants to, not that he can cum on cue or control it. Again, it's our pride that gets in the way.
I think Trippin is set now. Now, NeNe...what is THAT about?? :-)
"WHAT!!!!!
Child Pleeez.. I cum too fast, wish i had his problems.
I choked on my damn Pepsi reading Craig's comments! He's a retard! LOL!
NeNe, YOUR problem is WAY worse than Trippin's! We need to be talking about YOU!
Craig could write material for Chris Rock! Lmmfao!!
Uuuhhhh yeah please address NeNe's squirt, squirt man's issues. Speaking of NeNe's man's issue what about men who can't keep it up, I've dealt with a man who had a combo of premature ejaculation and couldn't keep an erection, no wonder why I wasn't attracted besides other reasons
Whoa, I thought I had issues. I think NeNe has it WAY worse than I do!
Yeah, what is up with men who can't keep an erection??!! What is THAT about? Is it because he's not aroused enough?
I'm gonna need the men to weigh in on that one. Not keeping an erection isn't something I'm personally familiar with :)
Trppin now you see how it could be worse!!!!!!!
NeNe I agree with all my blog peeps. Drop him like the $2 wackster that he is...sounds like Duracell might last you longer... :) Cyber hug...(SMDH) Sooo sorry for your problem but DAMN HE NEEDS TO BE OUT!
DR. CRAIG VERDE's ANALYSIS...
So...NENE is running long distance while her man is on his way to break Usain Bolts record...
IT'S A MENTAL THING...
Your man is GETTING LOST in your VAGINA...He's getting all JOHN LOCKE with the Vajajay....When he's in you, he's thinking of HEAVEN...As this is a compliment...it can be a hinderance for you because you wanna let it RAIN...
You and your man should play MIND GAMES....
When you think your man is getting CAUGHT UP...distract him...if his eyes are closed...SLAP HIS ASS...wake his ass up..He'll be confused, thus reducing his ACCELERATION....
Talk to him in bed while you're having sex. Ask him how his grandparents are doing...
Craig is a fool! lol
but he has a point. It is all mental. Shit...make him wear a condom for some resistance..
or you could just look at him the eyes and talk about dead puppies... #justsayin...lol
LMAO!@Craig!
Good idea! He seems to be so far gone when we're doing it. And then SPLASH! GUSH! SQUIRT! he says he can't help it, he's off in another world!
I'll try that! :)
But why is this happening NOW? It never used to be like this. I wonder if he's thinking of someone else while we're doing it and gets excited? I don't know!
@Latinegro - dead puppies???!!! You're sick! LOL!
I love him and don't wanna let him go because he's a good guy. But damn! I shouldn't need my toy when I'm with you!
Nene - that might be possible, but my question to you is, are you doing something different?
Are u wearing different clothes? Are you getting Brazillians?
Before you worry about him thinking about someone else think about if you are doing something that might be turning him on more...
LOL...Craig hit it on the "head"...
Its mental. Dude's all up in how good you feel.
Try this: Make him cum first some other way. Then, get rollin with some foreplay to start things over. Now, after all of that...If his second round is a quickie, that dog needs to be put down.
Now, here's my prayer after talking about this (cuz I'm superstitious):
"Dear Lord, PLEASE don't EVER let ANY of this happen to me...Even when I'm 80...At least, let it be hard on both ends and bend in the middle...I'd be ok with that.
Your son, DMoe"
Never thought of it that way. I recently lost 50 lbs (Go ME! LOL!) and he's been really proud of me and more attracted to me. I can try new positions now and have more energy, which is why it frustrates me when he cums fast. I want to do all the things I couldn't do before I lost the weight!
But my p*ssy can't be tighter because I lost weight..can it? LOL!
Nene...are you exercising? If you are doing crunches...then it is possible you got tighter
Dmoe, can I borrow your prayer? Fuck xmas presents and birthday cards...THAT is what I want...I just wanna keep my BANANA the way it is...
My last comment was directed at Latinegro, but great idea DMoe, I'll try that. One time he came so fast I wasn't even sure if he had gone all the way in!
I was mad as shit!
NENE....TWO words...COCK RING...
Yes, I have a washboard stomach now, ooooowwwww! :)
I just feel so much sexier now, and this joker is cumming all fast and shit!
(btw, he'd CHOKE MY ASS UP if he knew I was commenting on a blog about him)
Nene in keeping with the spirit of the conversation... Have you ever thought about tasing him whenever he cums to quick... I'm sure that by the 3rd or 4th time you'll be havin Trippin's problem!!! :)
I'm out!!!
What is a cock ring?
@Annamaria,
Electric shock therapy might work, can I borrow your taser? :)
@Craig,
YOU STUPID! LOL!
btw, nice to finally "e-meet" all of you. I usually just read, but today's blog really got to me! For obvious reasons! I WISH I had Trippin's problem! LMAO!
Jaz, a cock ring is a RING you put on your COCK...;-)
And what does it do? Make him last longer? I've never heard of such a thing!
Cock rings are supposed to keep your dick hard but not in a state of QUICKBUST
@Jaz, good thing you never needed to know what one is! Either that or you live under a rock! LOL!
Yo, Craig and DMoe are in rare form today! Y'all have me DYIN over here!
It's choking your dick...
Some women like to be choked during sex...They can still breathe and it makes them feel good...same thing with COCK RINGS...It chokes your dick, cutting off some circulation but you still feel the sensation of the VAJAJAY...
You better hope your man doesn't read this blog NeNe! LOL!
As a matter of fact, I've been blogging all day with COCK RING on...
I have TEARS rolling down my face at Craig! YOU ARE A NUT!!!
I spit out my soda at Craig's last comment. I don't even know what to say anymore... :-)
Brooke, are you allowed to be drinking soda??? Deebo will get you!
I think SuSu hit it more closely,, he could be masturbating a lot. It desensitizes your head a little, so you get aroused but its harder to come, thus, you last longer.
Why? remember the song, "I dont want a 2 min man???" No man wants that label.
@Jaz,
I had a Diet Coke - I need some energy, I'm draggin today even though you all are keeping me amused :)
Thanks again for all your help! And NeNe...good luck!
VIBRATING cock ring, please.
And thank you.
-yolanda.
She needs to ask a previous girlfriend if he was the same way with her. Get some facts!!!
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