Monday, August 9, 2010

Body Count

Happy Tuesday everyone!

No...I didn't blog yesterday. I'm sorry :-( I was slammed at work and didn't have time to post. I'm slammed today too, so I'll get right to it :-) The good news is, I finally got a laptop! So hopefully I'll get to write more at night so that we have a blog to discuss first thing in the morning. So that's that :-)

I recently read that a recent poll of individuals found that one-third of women lie about how many sexual partners they've had, according to the Daily Mail. While some of them admitted to telling "big fish" stories about their conquests, the majority -- 64 percent -- say they usually shave a few notches off the bedpost.

This didn't surprise me. A woman will NEVER tell you the truth about how many men she's slept with, unless she just lost her virginity or something. But women my age rarely tell the truth about the "real" number. Hell, women my age who have never been married with no kids probably don't KNOW the real number...they've probably lost count!

That's not to say that a woman should ho themselves out if they're living the free and single life, but the older we get, I just assume that number will be higher if you're not married and having sex with the same person day in and day out.

That same survey said that the average number of sexual partners for a woman is 7, while the average number for men is 13. I don't know about you, but those numbers sound pretty low to me. Somebody is lying...both men AND women.

I know most men lie about the number of partners they've had in order to inflate their sexual experiences, while women tend to lie in order to downplay theirs. No woman wants to appear to be a slut, even if their number seems relatively low by comparison to most men. They will also lie if they know that their number is higher than that of the guy they're currently sleeping with - because they don't want to seem more experienced than he is. It's a double standard that still baffles me. A man can say he's been with 60 women and he's a stud. A woman who says she's slept with 60 men is a ho...a straight up, stankadank ho.

And the double standard isn't just applied to us by men. Women judge other women the same way. I don't know what number is considered high or low, but if a man says 10 is too high of a number, then women will go along with what the man says. Who are they to judge, and why do we care so much what they think? If you're sexually responsible, who cares?

I'm sure there's a threshhold for how many partners we think is too many by our own personal standards. If a man told me he had over 500 partners, I'd probably give him the side eye and the run in the opposite direction. That number would signify to me that he's not very selective with who he lays down with and the law of averages would probably have me believe that's he's contracted an STD more than once in his life with that many partners. Not sure I'd want to roll the dice with that one. But at the same time, I could be totally wrong if he was safe every time. It's just a bit too touchy for my taste...and we're all entitled to that.

But it's sad that women feel they need to lie about the number of partners they've had simply to ease a man's ego or to color their perception of us as a person. In this day and age, no one should be asking that question anyway. I can't even remember the last time a man asked me how many sexual partners I've had. It simply shouldn't matter. The only thing a man should be asking me is "When was your last physical exam?" and "Are you STD free?" Those are fair questions that I have no problem answering. Anything further than that is "none 'ya." Chances are, whatever perception you already have of me won't be changed by knowing how many partners I've had - and if it will, then I'm probably someone you shouldn't be laying down with anyway. But hey, that's just me...what say you?




Anthony Otero said...

first bitches!

Anonymous said...

My body count is 2. :-)


Stef said...

Whatever number you give, it's always gonna be too high for a man, so that's why women lie. We're trying to find an "acceptable" number - but the truth is, no number is acceptable so don't ask and we won't have to lie! LOL!

Stef said...

and Ant is going to get it! I wanted to be first today!

Rameer The Circumstance said...

In college, we once were playing "Truth Or Dare" with a few women - including one I was messing with casually at the time. Her friend asks me a Truth - how many women had I been with. I told her the number...and the friend looks at me like I just revealed myself to be Vlad Tepes! She lectured me on if I had been tested, if I practiced safe sex, how I was probably a walking "sex bomb"...

I've literally never told the number of people I've been with again. Haven't even bothered to count.

Just saying - it can go both ways in terms of people vilifying you for the number of partners you've had.

Yolanda said...

My body count is less than the fingers on one hand. I'm actually pretty proud of that and I'll gladly share it with the man in my life or whoever wants to know. LOL

On the also signals how few men approach and how I've never had more than a friend with 'bennies'...

Damn, I'm sad now.

Brooke said...

if you've only had friends with benefits and the number is still less than 5, then you're sex starved! LOL!

kidding aside, that's odd to me. I'd think only having had friends with bennies would make that number higher. Like Chris Rock said, women don't tell you how many men they've slept with, they tell you how many boyfriends they've had...cuz friends with bennies don't count :-) LOL!

Jay said...

I never believe a woman when she has a low number (sorry Yolanda). It just doesn't add up to me. Clearly men can lie to inflate their numbers, but everything else being equal, a man and woman's number should be relatively close considering women outnumber men. By that logic, a woman's number should probably be higher.

I don't care either way. I assume a woman has had a healthy sex life. That doesn't necessarily translate into "ho" for me. If I had a bad perception of her to begin with, giving me a low number won't change that. I'm sure the same holds true for women and their perception of us.

Anonymous said...

I would agree except in a extreme cases.

Speaking from personal experience when I was single I once met a young lady that was able to change my perception in a hurry. If you asked me when we first met I would have said she was the total package. Well we got to talking about numbers (a conversation she started) and it came out that back in college she used to attend these “swingers parties” and was part of this sex club. Her numbers were truly shocking (if she is to be believed). Needless to say I took the highroad and slowly backed out of that potential relationship without ever having added to her totals. I didn’t expect her to be untouched but true or false, the stories she told me, were ridiculous.

This chick claims a count in the hundreds. She said the sex club involved sleeping with a different guy almost everyday for almost two years. She said she used condoms with all but one and of those guys only a handful were repeats. She said most of the guys she wasn’t even attracted too. She was more attracted to the idea and addicted to the sex.

Jaz said... THAT'S EXTREME! A sex club where you sleep with different men everyday!? Wow!

if a man already thinks you're a ho, then he's not going to believe the low number you give him regardless. If he has a high opinion of you, then that can change with stories like THAT one, but for the most part, he probably wouldn't even ask you your number if he thinks you're a "good girl." I just think it's sad that women don't hold men to the same standards, but instead we judge other women based on MEN's standards.

Jay said...

That story was nuts. Yeah, I doubt I'd try to holla at that myself. Random dudes for no reason that you're not even attracted to? Yeah, she can kick rocks.

Brooke said...

Yeah, sex club gets the side eye :)

Domina*tricks said...

Well, I'm not afraid to admit that in my college days and most of my 20's, I could easily have sex with more than 5 men in a year. I started having sex at 16, and I'm in my late 30's now, so my body count will probably be high by some mens' standards. I love sex, and I'm free when it comes to my sexual expression as I'm sure you've all figured out by now. I'm safe and I'm careful. I've never had an STD or been pregnant. Having alot of sex doesn't mean you don't value yourself or your health. I had an experimental phase, a fetish phase and discovered I was bisexual, so my body count will probably be REALLY high if you factor both men AND women into the equation :)

The Fury said...

They call me The Fury and I am a virgin! That's right never had no parts of the punani.


Seriously though, I don't judge based on number. I judge based on quality. So if you say I slept with the whole Golden State Warriors team, I'll probably think "Damn, you could't even fuck The Lakers? They win!" Shout out to Rameer, that analogy was for him and his favorite team.

Seriously though, women are bonkers with the number adjustments. Let your freak fly. I have a friend that told me she slept with 30 people over her 35 years on the planet. Me: "does that include women?" Her: "oh..umm...50-something then."

Let the freak flag fly.

Sex club. A different person every day? That. Is. Bonkers. I'm quietly judging in my corner because that quality rate has to be low.

Stef said...

We all KNOW Fury is lying about being a virgin. He can't write the kind of stories he does without having had a taste! LOL!

Yolanda said...

Just because the numbers are low doesn't mean you can't get it in routinely with said friends with benefits. Just sayin'...

I'm not about quantity at all. I guess the devil you know is better than the one you don't. So I've been more prone to continue tapping the well (so to speak) of a friend w/ benefits, even if I know he's not going to turn into a relationship in the long run.

Dammit...sad again.

Self-reflection sucks. LOL

Brooke said...

awww, don't be sad Yolanda :(

And you're right, quantity is not important, quality is. Not sure I mean having sex with the Lakers like Fury said, but I think the quality depletes the higher the number is.

Courtney said...

People think the more people you have sex with, the better you get at it. Not true AT ALL. I know PLENTY of men who have high numbers, and they SUCK in bed. Quantity and Quality are TOTALLY NOT the same thing.

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