Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Happy Tuesday!
Dear Brookey,
I've recently met a man that I really like. He seems to like me too and he's said that he'd like to be in a relationship, but I think he's unsure of me as a possible mate. I cook for him, help him clean his place and show him I can take care of him and would be an asset to him, but he hasn't given me any indications as to if he'd like to seal the deal and be in a committed relationship with me. How do I convince him that I'm a keeper? What do men see as "wifey" material as opposed to just a girl they date for a while and then move on? I'm ready to go to the next level. Any advice?
-Wifey Material
Dear Wifey Material,
My first bit of advice to you would be to stop cooking and cleaning and catering to this man. That's absolute foolishness. Why are you doing all of this for a man who isn't YOUR man? I understand that you want to show him that you would make a good wife one day, but you're not even this man's girlfriend. You're just dating, so there's no reason you should be folding his boxer briefs and cleaning his bathroom. That's just crazy talk.
Now, before I appear to come off as being harsh, I understand having a nurturing nature. I'm the same way...and I had to learn when to turn it on and turn it off. I don't mind feeding a man. If you look like you're starving, if I can hear your stomach growling like DMX and your stomach is touching your spine, then it won't kill me to hook you up a turkey and cheese sandwich. If you're a guest in my house, I'll cook for you...no problem. But you shouldn't be doing all these things to GET a man - even if it might help KEEP him.
I've found that if a man genuinely likes you, then your cooking and cleaning abilities won't really matter that much. Sure, a man likes a woman who can fry up a steak and keep a nice, clean place for him to lay his head....but if he's really feeling you, those are things he can learn to work around. I know plenty of "non-domestic" women who have men who happily will cook for them or take them out to dinner every night, and who have no problem doing both of their laundry. Some things just click.
But my MAIN reason for telling you to stop doing what you're doing is not because I'm some mean b*tch who doesn't want you to have a man - it's because you're mothering him. And last time I checked, most REAL men don't want to date or sleep with their mothers. And if they DO have mommy issues where they want a woman to take care of them, then you have bigger problems. Who wants a man like that? Save the mothering for any future children you might have, not for the man you're "kinda dating."
If a man isn't committing to you, it's because he doesn't WANT to. It's really just that simple. You can't (and shouldn't be trying t0) convince a man to want to settle down with you. By cooking and cleaning and trying to show him that you're worth keeping, you're doing his emotional work for him. Don't try to trick this man into "wifing" you, because it'll backfire on you every time. You can't trick a man into committing to you, and going overboard by waiting on him hand and foot cancels out his manhood and enables further dysfunction if he has mommy issues.
He's probably enjoying all that you're doing for him, but he's probably taking you for granted as well. If he doesn't show his appreciation, or keeps giving you the runaround, that means he's enjoying the fruits of your labor without having to commit to you. He'll continue to eat up all your food and rest his head on your clean bed until he finds a woman he really wants to be with...who probably can't even boil water. Then you'll feel used and wonder why he didn't choose you.
You wonder why? I'll tell you why.
Because most grown men have the ability to take responsibility for his own thoughts, feelings and actions - and he settles down when he's good and damn ready. No amount of cooking and cleaning and catering to him will change that. Stop thinking that if you don't do this and that for him that he'll leave you...because if he really cares for you, nothing or no one can tear him away from you. And if you stop cooking for him and cleaning his place and he DOES bounce, then you know he isn't the man for you.
Stay in your lane and let him do some things for YOU for a change. Make him prove to YOU that he's a keeper. You haven't mentioned any reasons why you should want him...only reasons why he should want you. If you stopped wiping down the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom and baking cakes long enough to take a serious look, you may discover that he's not really worth all this "wifey" treatment. Let him come into your lane for a bit and you sit back and enjoy the ride for a change. If he doesn't reciprocate, then slow down and re-evaluate what you want and see if it's in alignment with his wants/expectations.
What a man considers to be "wifey" material varies from man to man - it's all relative. Sure, every man wants a woman who has the ability to coook and clean, and those are great traits to have. But make sure that cooking and cleaning aren't the only assets you have to offer. Some men also want a woman who can stimulate their minds, or who will watch Seinfeld with them and laugh at all their jokes. Some want a woman who they can watch the game with or talk politics with. It's all about which traits they find attractive - and to some, having a great personality and awesome sense of humor are more important than how well you can make a cheesecake and/or wash the dishes.
Either way, stop playing a wife before you ARE one, and don't try to be his mother. Tell him to cook YOU dinner and pick up his own damn socks. Your name ain't Kizzy. Stop it.
-b
Friday, August 27, 2010
TGIF!
This work week seemed long to me for some reason, so I'm glad it's finally over! Now on to the weekend! Enjoy!
1. If your significant other was having phone or cyber sex with someone else in another state, would you consider that cheating?
2. What article of clothing do you find to be sexy?
3. What one word would describe the most pleasurable night you've had?
4. Ice cubes or hot wax? Honey or chocolate?
5. Someone you've been dating for 6 months buys you an expensive gift. You can tell he/she is WAY more into you than you are into them, but you like them...enough. Do you keep the gift, or do you refuse to accept it so that they don't think the relationship is more serious than it is?
6. Are you a person who remembers and celebrates "milestone" dates when in a relationship, ie: "our first date," our first kiss," "the first time we had sex," "the first time we said 'I love you'" - or do you simply celebrate his/her birthday and major holidays? If so, do you expect your partner to do the same?
7. Your fiance(e) suggests you both sign pre-nuptial agreements - do you agree?
8. You've been dating someone for the past 6 months and you're really into them. Everything is going great, but one day they come clean and admit that they've cheated in previous relationships. Do you retreat and run, or do you continue dating because they were honest about their past infidelity and hope they've changed their ways?
9. Would you ever date anyone who's been in prison or is a recovering alcoholic?
10. You and your boo discuss moving in together. Do you open a joint bank account for expenses, or do you keep separate accounts and just agree that one will pay certain bills and the other will pay the rest?
Go!
-b
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
The sun and warm weather are back! Yay!
Miss Lylah Lylah sent this to me today and I wanted to share. I know we've all heard this before, but I never tire of it:
“You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.”~ Nelson Rockefeller.
- I think I'm going to try Fantasy Football again this year. Rameer created a league on Yahoo, but it sounds a bit complicated. I may just autodraft and figure it out along the way :-)
- I'm so happy football is back! I'm already scheduled to go to two games this year, one in the new Giants Stadium. Or should I call it the Meadowlands Stadium since they share it with the Jets? Whichever, I'm in there!
- Speaking of the Jets, is anyone watching Hard Knocks on HBO? Is it getting kinda boring, or is it just me?
- Wish I was going to the "Rock the Bells" concert this Saturday :-( I wanna see L-Boogie. Anyone got an extra ticket? ;-)
- I WILL be at Yankee Stadium for Jay-Z and Em though, can't wait!
- I'm sick of hearing about the "Ground Zero" mosque. Get over it people.
- I think Deebo loves us, which is why he keeps extending our training. He's a gem! Even though he DID tell me that the reason I haven't had a "real" boyfriend in 7 years is because I have a "smart mouf." The nerve.
- Wow, 7 years. That's crazy...not sure yet if that's a good or bad thing though.
- If you love Entourage, check DMoe's blog on CNN.com!
- Don't forget to donate to Mo's page!
- Do we care if Shaq is supposedly dating "Hoopz?"
- On the radio this morning, the Hot 97 talent was asking why gay/lesbian people (read: Queen Latifah allegedly) don't come out already. Why do we care? Do we need the confession?
- My two new favorite fragrances: Versace's Bright Crystal and Armani's Aqua Di Gio for women. And I'm not a fragrance person - but I LOVE a great smelling man!
- To spin, or not to spin tonight? - that is the question.
- Two more beach weekends left, gotta make the most of them!
- Brian is back, and so is his Throwback Joint for today!
Go!
-b
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I have a guest blogger today! You may have seen her in the comments as "E Jack," but I know her as Elizabeth Jackson - my friend and illustrious co-worker :-) She has some thangs on her mind, so let's get to it!
The Young and the Reckless...by Elizabeth Jackson.
I don’t normally listen to 105.1 in the mornings, but something told me to change the dial yesterday.There is a segment on The Ed Lover Show called “Paternity Test Tuesdays.” As soon as I heard the title, I rolled my eyes in spite of myself; what kind of buffoonery are my people up to today? Regardless of the title, I was intrigued. I know I’m not the only one who loves trash TV and scratches my neck while tapping my forearm if I don’t get my daily fix of Bossip, Mediatakeout, and Perez Hilton. Once you get past the mediocre intro, all you need to do is sit back with a bowl of popcorn and watch the train-wreck go by.
So I listened.
…and listened.
And the more I listened, the angrier I got.
Picture this. A young couple named Carlene and Marc. They met four years ago but have been together for the past three. They have a beautiful baby together and were talking about finally jumping the broom. Marc is in the military and was stationed overseas for the past year and a half. Unfortunately for any first-time father, the baby was born while he was serving. You would think that upon reuniting with his family, they would be enthusiastically planning the wedding to become a family
You’d be wrong.
Marc has reason to believe that the baby is not his – even though she got pregnant BEFORE he was shipped out. He even claims that the promise ring she has on her finger is not “for marriage.”
Say whaaaaat????
Marc wants a paternity test. He said the baby was born while he was in Germany and that she told him that she was pregnant a month after he left. He doesn’t want to start acting like a father if it’s not his.
Carlene doesn’t understand why. Of COURSE she wouldn’t know she was pregnant right away - so why would he even question her fidelity? If they were together for three blissful years and she loves him with all of her heart, why would she cheat?
The calls start rolling in. I can “understand” why the men would stick together in this situation, but the women? Yes, it IS 2010 and yes there ARE shiesty scallywags out there - but where is the trust? He trusted her enough to talk about putting a ring on it, so why the sudden change of heart?
I’ll tell you why.
Because he cheated on her in Germany! Yes people, he admitted live on the radio that he couldn’t resist the urge to “pipe his privates with his privates” and is transferring his guilt onto her.
Yet still the callers agreed with him.
Am I the only one who sees a problem with this?
Ed Lover dramatically asks for the envelope. The results are in and guess what?
*In the words of Maury’ Povich*
99.999% accurate – you ARE the father!
Yay!
Wait – did I clap too soon?
Really?
John will take care of his son - but needs a second opinion?
Ignorance is not bliss.
SMDH…
Link to the audio here (in three parts):
-Liz
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Happy Monday!
Rain, rain, go away, please come back another day! I got SOAKED this morning...and I had an umbrella! Just ridiculous.
I figured I'd check my emails and Facebook while I let the heater under my desk dry off my saturated pants legs. I scroll down to read a FB status that read "I have no words." I click on the video to find a little girl dancing to Ciara's "Ride." Take a look:
I'd beat her ass...but back to that in a sec.
I remember shopping in Old Navy for Baby Sophia for her birthday. There were kids running around crazy in the toddler section, and their parents were seemingly oblivious to their little terrors. One little girl ran right into me and I was forced to give her the stern "Girl, you lucky you not my kid cuz I'd whoop you into next week" look. But my stern look quickly turned into one of wide-eyed disbelief. This little girl had on a bikini top and a mini skirt with flip flops. What the...???
I realized that more and more when I shop in stores like Old Navy and Gap Kids, I see clothes that are more "suggestive" than in the past for little girls. Tube/halter tops, mini skirts, even hot pants - that's what these little girls are wearing now. I don't think I was allowed to wear a mini skirt or a halter top til I was over 16, and even THEN my mom had final say over my wardrobe. The first time I bought a skirt with my own money that was slightly above my knee, my mom and aunts told me my "legs were hanging out" and to go change my clothes - so back to jeans and sweats for me...or the longer skirts I wore for church.
I say all that to say that the hyper-sexualization (is that a word?) of our culture today has made it so that little girls want to be "hot," rather than cute or pretty - and finding a cute top and jeans for a toddler that doesn't have pink glitter all over it is getting a little more difficult. I feel that little girls nowadays are trained to be sexy before they even understand what "sexy" is. And my fear is that they won't have a chance to discover their sexuality in an organic way.
Sure, we've seen videos of little ones dancing to "Single Ladies," and I'm pretty sure the girl dancing to Ciara's "Ride" doesn't know what she's riding exactly (at least I hope not). No matter how disturbing it is to watch at any age, some would argue that it's harmless because they're only emulating what they see, they don't actually "know" what they're doing.
But isn't that the problem?
What happens when they turn 12 and their hormones start raging? Suddenly, the disconnect between a sexual dance move they learned in a music video and their real life desires starts "connecting" really fast. That early awareness of "sexiness" might make them a little more assertive sexually before they're ready to be (thus the term "fast ass little girls") and the consequences could be harmful, even deadly.
Back to the girl in the video: Performing a dance to a song that implies lust without actually "feeling" that lust suggests that the the goal is to be desired. But at that age, you have no idea what that means. At 5 years old, you can't explore what being desired actually feels like. There are some ADULTS who still don't understand their sexuality and haven't explored their desires in order to grow into them naturally. At 16 I didn't know what I wanted. At 22 I didn't know what I wanted. At 37, I feel comfortable enough now to be free with my desires without compromising myself, and no one can dictate that for me. I am in control of my sexual self, and can ask for and receive my own pleasure based on what I want, not what I see or what society tells me I should "be."
It's difficult enough trying to navigate a pre-teen or a teenager's ever changing mood swings, body changes and emerging sexuality without making them feel weird, embarrassed or uncomfortable. It's a confusing time. So introducing "sexy" to them at an early age blurs the lines between "too damn grown too young" and puberty. I don't know who or where this girl's parents are, but there's no way this "dance" should have been recorded and this video should NOT be up on the web to be seen as something "cute." It's NOT cute. This little girl should've never been able to see a Ciara video, let alone be allowed to mimic her moves. It's the parents' job to keep their child off the pole.
If I ever have a little girl, I’d want her to stay a little girl until she's ready to appropriately identify and express her own sexuality and desires. I know she'll have those feelings one day, it's unavoidable. But I'd want my kids - male or female - to grow into a strong, confident sexuality all their own. Grinding to Ciara's "Ride" is not the way to do that.
-b
Friday, August 20, 2010
Survey time!
1. Which one of these questions is more inappropriate to ask a woman you're dating: "How much do you weigh?" or "How much money do you make?"
2. In a crowded room, how would YOU give someone a sign that you're interested in them?
3. Have you ever been "whipped"? And no, I don't mean beaten...I mean like Baby Face :-)
4. How do YOU know when you're in love with someone?
5. Is your relationship "movie" an: action flick, a chick flick/romantic comedy, a tear-jerker, a suspense thriller, a horror film or a true romance?
6. If you could give your last sexual partner a rating from 1-10, what would it be?
7. In your opinion, does single only mean "not married" or "not in a committed relationship"? At what point in a relationship are you "not single" anymore?
8. Would you rather be considered sexy or beautiful/handsome? You can only choose one.
9. Would you, or have you ever sent a lover a naked pic via text or email? (tell the truth)
10. Is there a certain "name" that you think is sexy?
Go!
-b
p.s. Go Eagles! Yes, that is Baby Sophia representin' for the Eagles! Cuuuuttteeee!!! Auntie Brooke approves!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
Don't forget! Monica is running in the NYC Marathon this November 7th, so if you haven't donated to her page - get on it! Thanks in advance for your generosity. She ran a half marathon this past Sunday, so she's gonna rock it come November!
- We're trying to convince Deebo to keep training us...indefinitely...for free...til he gets tired of us. Let's see if it works :-)
- Tuesday I forgot my socks in the gym and so did Monica. Bobby (Deebo) ran out and got us some so we could work out. Talk about a great trainer! - even if he has been getting fresh lately. He asked me if I ever let anyone "spank" me before. WTF??
- If you don't want to know the truth, stop asking me my opinion. And don't be mad if I can't co-sign "crazy." Not gonna do it.
- There comes an age when you just "know better." Act like it. And if you can't act like it, keep it to yourself.
- I'm not ready for summer to come to an end just yet.
- I don't understand how people can kill their own children. That is so sad.
- What is up with Brett Favre man?? He's killin' me.
- No Giants fan, but the Victor Cruz one-handed catch on Monday was SICK.
- What's up with all these bed bugs in NYC? Ewwww!! I've never seen any up close, I steam my pillows and mattress weekly, and change my sheets religiously....but it's giving me the heebie jeebies!
- Lauryn Hill - we need her to come back...I hope this is real.
- Jay Z and Eminem concert coming up soon, can't wait!
- Speaking of Hov, I love seeing pics of him and Bey "on holiday" in places like Italy and France. They do it up BIG! They must be some "uppity negroes" like Michelle Obama **snicker**
- I want a Tracey Reese dress.
- and some bangin' boots!
- I'm finally getting a new blackberry for work, but I still need to upgrade my personal phone.
- The same woman in my dept. asks me every week to borrow an umbrella, yet she never returned the one I let her "borrow' months ago - so I just keep telling her I don't have one. What's wrong with watching the Weather Channel or her local news?? How bout dat?...SMH.
- How can people expect the President to recover the 8 million jobs that were lost during the Bush administration in just one or two years? It can't be done overnight. I know people are struggling and I can't dismiss that, but come on people...let's be realistic.
- I'm loving pre-season football...simply because it's football. I'm getting my fix. Not sure if I'm gonna do Fantasy Football again this year with Rameer, but thinking about it :-)
- Brian's on vacation, so I have to pick the throwback for this week. This was my JOINT! Hope you like!
Go!
-b
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
I was told that yesterday's blog had a "take the joy out of you" effect on people, so today will be a hot and steamy hump day so that you all can be "happy" again. Cymando, this is for you :-) (happy face, smiley face, heart heart, smack!)
Brooklyn, Pt. 2
My Text: Are you still in NY? I’m on my way back.
I wanted to hear his voice, but I didn’t want to feel the sting of hearing him say he was on his way back to MD. Texting was the easiest way to take it, even though my need for him was nothing virtual…but real. I’ve been thinking about Michael Fitzgerald all day.
Ding!
His Text: I’m still here, not sure what I’m going to do yet.
What do I say to get him to stay? After all, we both have to work tomorrow, and he has a long drive ahead of him.
My Text: I’ll be home by 10p. Please don’t go, wait for me…unless you’re too busy?
This time MF’s reply came much faster.
His Text: I’m never too busy for you.
That made me smile, but no plans were set. I got in the car and just prayed he’d come take care of me later.
Of course I hit major traffic on the way back. He’s not going to wait I say to myself. It’s probably a good thing if he leaves - I got my ass turned out last time and I don’t need this in my life. Good dick can do that to you, make you crazy. I’m not the crazy type…but I could see this being a problem. I even had a name for it… “King Hercules.”
I approach the Holland and sit there frustrated because I’ve been at the same light for 10 minutes now, not moving an inch. Where are all these people coming from? Where are they going? They probably got some good lovin’ waiting for them at home…and all I had was laundry to take in. Sucks.
Ring!
It’s him. He’s calling me, which means he’s probably still here. My heart leaps from my chest so hard as I answer the phone that I almost choke on my words.
“Hey you.”
“When will you be home?”
“In about an hour or so, sitting in traffic.”
“I’ll be waiting for you when you get there.”
Suddenly, traffic was my worst enemy. “MOOOOVE!!” I have a sexy man waiting for me at home! Michael Fitzgerald…just saying his name made me wet.
I finally pull onto my street, surveying the area for a parking spot. I find one right in front of my building, a sign of good things to cum…cuz that NEVER happens. The universe must know I need my back cracked.
As I approach the front door, I don’t see you. No sign of you anywhere. I’m wondering if you changed your mind because you’re not here. I was looking forward to drinking in the sight of you in long, slow sips and tasting your mouth. There was a bit of fear in my anticipation, fueling my motivation to do the things that lovers do. I was anxious, excited and afraid, all at the same time…where are you?
I put my laundry bag down, plop my bag on the table and turn on the shower.
Buuzzzzz!
There you are.
I buzz you in without even asking who it is. It’s you…you’re here…the space where you should be. I hold my breath while I wait to hear the elevator door open. I open my door before you can even knock. Damn Brooklyn, thirsty much?
You enter and the small apartment can hardly contain the energy that has just walked in. The air is sucked from my lungs and my heart is racing. You slide up to me, put your hand on my ass, suck in my lips and my nipples rise to meet you as I inhale you. You smell like the beach.
“Nude beach again?” I say letting the air out of my lungs.
“Yes, I had to get my chocolate on for you. Like my tan?”
He looks like black platinum. Shiny, smooth, sun-kissed skin drenched in passion’s liquid heat. Your fine ass…oh how this man moves me.
Every word out of your mouth sounds like pre-orgasmic foreplay. You hear the shower running and ask if you can join me. You follow me to the bathroom as I adjust the water to make it perfect for you – not realizing you are undressing behind me. I turn to face you and I see your beautiful skin. It was a good day when God made you, good lawd!
Before I can fully take you in, you pull my top over my head – my arms up in the air like I surrender. Steam is filling the space around us as you finish undressing me, watching me, cupping my face, your hands bring my mouth to yours.
A passionate kiss that provokes a blush
When one attempts to tame the rush
Of two lovers locked in exotic bliss
Of a sweet, seductive kiss
We’re in the shower – water flows over glowing skin as natural as a river retuning home to the ocean. Now I’m open. I run soapy hands all over your hair and body - like we’re dancing, swimming in an aqua sea, our bodies mix. Now I’m imagining making love to you and it’s agonizing.
Completely saturated, we realize that the shower is a dangerous place to be completely naked…we'd never stop. So we get out, no lights - just two shadows dancing in moonlight reflected from candlelit walls. The bed finds us and I’m on top of you, like I’m sitting on a mountain trying to reach my peak. I feel the warmth of you inside me, the aroma we create is making me high. I’m there, but you take me higher – like the ebb and flow of a tide. I flood you, orgasms gently falling like the first snow of the season. I’m drenched, my legs collapse, we rotate, and there’s more love to share - so you take the lead. Soooo slow – you show me the true meaning of ecstasy.
The moon caresses two bodies melting into a chocolate glaze
My fantasy becomes reality under a starry haze
A scene so pornographic, you have me in a daze
Never knew you could please me in so many ways
I’m thinking to myself it doesn’t get any better than this. Before that thought becomes complete, you retreat and say, “Don’t move, stay right there, I’ll be right back.”
I ache for your weight, but that gives me a chance to steady my breathing and wait for the feeling to come back in my thighs. I think I’m out of "sex shape"…cuz my ankles don’t belong behind my head.
You return with a bowl of fruit. You surely worked up an appetite, so I can’t be mad at you. You put a piece of watermelon in your mouth, give me a seductive glance and then you slide down between my legs. What the…?
Oh my.
What. Is. This?
I feel cold watermelon on my…lips. I hear you sucking in its ecstatic flavor, blissful in and of itself. You feel the budding my nature’s grandest fruit and suck some more. Riches revealed, my treasure is no longer hidden and my fingers grasp the sheets tight. The cold of the fruit mixed with the emanating warmth of your mouth leaves my soft flesh enchanted, and me sighing in pure joy.
The melon is in your mouth now, but I can still feel you licking me…a mouthful to say the least. I feel the juices running down your chin, my fragrance is rising, my legs are quivering and you pull me in closer. You’re hungry for me now - no melon left in your mouth, just me…eating, sucking me as if I was bruised crushed fruit. My chest glows on the pillows like moonlight heaped with apricots, my ass rising to meet you like soft peaches and plums. You savor the pink flesh papaya as I spill glistening seeds onto a bed of fresh leaves. My life force rushes to you and I’m spent. You win…again.
I don’t even remember falling asleep. When did the moon surrender her place to the sun?
Morning is here, daybreak. We find each other again as I kiss your forehead and lick your ears – that's your spot.
“Keep it up and you’re gonna get f*cked.”
I love when you say that, so I lick your ears again as my tongue sends shivers from your neck to your back.
Your hands reach for me. Turning on your side, you pull me to you - mouths open greedily…breaths explode into breath…lips lace lips...tongues circle teeth. We suck each other.
We begin to reenact the night, memories in a mental play back – trying to recapture what we shared only a few hours ago while forging ahead recreating memories yet to come. So sweet and intoxicating, we indulge in vicarious pleasures all morning long – and I don’t even care that I’m late for work. I can’t get enough of you…our bodies mold into one form – flesh to flesh. I want you so close to me that your soul touches mine and I can’t tell my sweat from yours. Orgasmic sounds dance all around us. You feel me all over, warm, you wrap my arms and legs around you and again we make waves. As you release, I squeeze you. Sopping, you wet my lips again with kisses until your unhurried breath brings us to a slow slumber under morning skies. A soft, sexy whisper finds its way to my ear….
“Good morning Brooklyn.”
-b
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Happy Tuesday!
Let's get to it!
Dear Brookey,
I hope you and your readers can help me. I recently found out that I'm pregnant and I'm freaking out. Not because I can't take care of the baby on my own or don't want children. It's because I don't know who the father is. I don't have a boyfriend, just a couple "friends with benefits"...if you can even call them that. One is more of a "friend" while the other is more of a jumpoff. I know what you're going to say, I should have used protection with both of them, but I didn't. I must have miscalculated my cycle and I didn't think I could get pregnant. I hadn't planned on having sex with both of them in the same week, but it just happened. Now I don't know what to do.
I plan on keeping the baby, which I'm sure will upset them both when I tell them. But my question is, should I bother telling them at all? I'm 39 years old and make good money, so I may decide to just raise the baby on my own and no one will have to know. I'm embarrassed and afraid and my family is going to be so disappointed in me. Can you tell me where I should begin with no judgments? Any advice will help at this point. Thanks!
Well, I think you should begin by going to your gynecologist and getting a full exam - including one for STD's. If you've had unprotected sex with two men, there's no telling who else they may have had unprotected sex with - so I'd go get checked out to make sure no one has put anyone at risk.
Also, if you haven't had a doctor confirm your pregnancy, I'd do that as well. Make sure that you and your baby are healthy.
Now, as far as dealing with the two men involved, I'd tell them. I know it'll be uncomfortable, but they deserve to know. They both know that they had unprotected sex with you and that pregnancy, as well as contracting an STD, was a possible consequence of that action - and it was a risk they were willing to take. You may be surprised at their reaction. Either way, you have to tell them since the child will also belong to one of them and they should know of your decision. At 39 years old, this shouldn't even be a question for you.
You also may change your mind about seeking financial help from the father as well. While you may make a great salary, I find that no amount of money seems to be enough when it comes to raising children. Daycare, diapers, formula, soccer, ballet lessons, etc. - all of that costs money - and you may be underestimating the cost of raising a child alone. And you shouldn't have to raise a child alone. It takes two to make a baby, and both parents should be responsible for raising a child. Don't decide to raise the child alone simply because you're afraid to find out who the father is. It'll be worse if you change your mind and wind up on Maury later with two men on stage.
And it's not just about money. You shouldn't deny the father a chance to develop a meaningful relationship with his child. Not all men are deadbeats, and once you find out who the father is, you may find that he'll want to play an active role in his child's life. You won't know what you're dealing with until you talk to both of them. Be mature about it. Tell the one who is more of a friend that you want to be upfront and honest and tell him that you had sex with someone else around the same time you had sex with him. Let him know that you want to be sure who the father is in fairness to all involved.
If he's a friend and a mature adult, he'll want to do what's right and submit to a paternity test. I believe that there are pre-natal as well as post-natal DNA tests available now to determine paternity, and your doctor can discuss those options with you. If you can find out before the baby is born, then you can eliminate one possibility by testing your friend first. That way, if the other guy turns out to be the father, you still have time to tell him and prepare him to be a father before the baby arrives. And it may also give you a chance to tell your family and friends who the father is without them judging you for not knowing who the father of your child is. In any case, you're a grown woman and you don't owe your family and friends any detailed explanations. Your true friends will be there to support you, not judge you.
My mother always used to tell me when I was younger: "If you can't see a man as the father of your child, then don't lay down with him." I never understood that, and thought it was a bit drastic, but now it totally makes sense. I always tell my friends that just because you're only interested in a guy as a jumpoff or f*ck buddy, that doesn't mean that you should lay all of your standards down by the river. He shouldn't be a "bottom of the barrel" type dude simply because you don't want to marry him. Having sex is a risk every time you do it, so if you can't see the person you're laying down with as a possible co-parent - then either don't do it, or wrap it up twice. No one wants to get preggers by the thug dude, or the ex-con...and no man wants the "bird chick" for a baby mama. I'm not judging you, but using this as a teachable moment for those out there who think they don't always have to be selective about anyone they sleep with - jumpoff or otherwise.
I wish you the best of luck with everything, and I hope you and your baby are healthy...and ultimately happy.
-b
Monday, August 16, 2010
Happy Monday!
Okay, so am I the only person that missed this series completely?
And am I only the only person alive who didn't know that "Ron Johnson" from A Different World was married to Tempest Bledsoe of The Cosby Show fame?
I am? Really?
Where have I been?
Anyway, my question of the day is: Women - how many of you would be cool having a "house husband"? Men - how many of you would be cool BEING a house husband?
I'm not sure I'd have a problem with it at all. I mean, if we had children to raise, I'd probably PREFER it :-) Taking care of kids is A LOT of work, and I think I'd get more of a break in an office than in my living room playing with kids and wondering if I should vacuum or do laundry while they nap as opposed to napping myself. While women are considered to be the more nurturing caregivers for children, they'd probably wear me out. I hope to have a husband who has WAY more energy than I do so he can run after the chi'rens!
Now, if we didn't have children to take care of and he was just "home" - then I might wonder....what is he doing all day? What is he doing with his life? I know that may seem narrow-minded to some, but I'd expect a man to wonder the same thing about me if I wasn't at home burping babies. I think I'd be bored to death being a stay-at-home wife. I've never had the desire to be a "kept" woman. I understand wanting to be a stay-at-home mother - because no one can raise and take care of your children better than you can (supposedly anyway) - but a stay-at-home wife? I'd yank my hair out from boredom.
So what say you all - is it cool to have/be a house husband? Is it only cool in certain circumstances? Would you women trust your man to stay home and take care of the babies? Do you think he'd do just as good, if not a better, job than you would? Or are house husbands the epitome of bitchassness? Are gender roles changing?
Let's hear it!
-b
Friday, August 13, 2010
TGIF!!
Sexy Survey!
1. Are you happy with your naked body? Do you have a problem walking around nude - either alone or in someone's presence?
2. Do you like a man or a woman who is totally bare "down there?"
3. I only turn down sex when ___________ ?
4. Has anyone ever fallen asleep while having sex?
5. Would you ever date an ex porn star or stripper? Why or why not?
Go!
-b
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- Summer is winding down...are you enjoying it so far?
- Eat. Pray. Love was a good movie - I enjoyed it!
- I need to get back on my "good eating" plan...cuz what I'm doing now isn't working. I've been losing and gaining the same 3-5 lbs for weeks now. Not good.
- Deebo has been getting fresh with us lately...he needs to chill.
- The JetBlue flight attendant was gangsta wasn't he? He broke OUT!
- We all dream of how we'd quit a job at some point in our careers, don't we? :-)
- But hopefully we will never work in a place where a disgruntled employee shoots up the spot because he works in a racist environment and then gets fired. That was crazy...so sad.
- Why were people upset that Michelle Obama and the girls went to Spain on vacation? Are they not allowed? People need to get over it.
- I need one more good beach day.
- I'll have another sexy story coming your way on Tuesday :-) Brace yourselves!
- Brian's Throwback!
Go!
-b
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
So Monica and I were in the gym last night, stretching on the mat, chatting, etc. I notice she zoned out for a second and didn't hear a word I said. Finally she snaps out of it:
"Whew, Ken's body is sick."
I should have known...I was tuned out for a man :-)
And she's right. Ken, a guy who frequents our gym, has a nice body. But unless you make it a point to tell me to look in his direction, he doesn't catch my eye. Not because he doesn't have a nice face, or bulging biceps...but because he looks like a convict to me. I know...that's so wrong - but full sleeve tattoos that read such things as "Show and Prove" just seems so..."Cell Block D" to me.
Now, let me preface this post by saying I have a bias against thug-looking dudes. I admit it. I know I'm judging a book by its cover, and that's wrong, but I can't help it. I've never been personally attracted to the "bad boy" type. I can appreciate their "alpha dog" appeal, but I've never wanted to date one...EVER.
Monica, on the other hand, said she likes a man with some “street edge.” And I get it. Most women are attracted to men who seem like they can handle themselves, and who can “handle” them too…whether it’s in the form of physical protection, or sexual prowess. And I think maybe when I was in my early 20’s, you could have convinced me that “street” was sexy in some way – because at that age, attraction and “excitement” were more important than say…a credit score. But even at a younger age, I never gravitated towards “street” or “thug” dudes. They just looked…ridiculous to me. And Ken in the gym working out in too baggy jeans, a wife beater, with timbs and a do-rag or baseball cap on cuz you think that “thug lust” look is sexy only confirms it for me - ridiculous.
Again I say, I’m judging and could be totally wrong about him…but I doubt it :-)
Anyway, I think “edge” and “thug” are a bit different. I think ALL men should be able to handle themselves and have some “street smarts” or common sense, not just “hood” dudes. You don’t have to have a lot of muscles to be a “real” man. Being a bad boy shouldn’t make you attractive or edgy - yet I find a lot of women I know, who are very well educated and middle class or higher, gravitate towards men who look more like felons than professors. And it makes me wonder if Black women take it a bit further than women of other races.
Now don’t get me wrong, “Becky” probably loves bad boys too. But to Becky, dating a black guy might be all the “edge” she needs – he’s a bad boy simply because he’s black. I know that sounds absurd, but probably true nonetheless.
But to a black woman, he can’t just be black or have street smarts. He has to boast a criminal record and be a “soldier.”
One woman I know, who grew up in a very suburban Pennsylvania town, said she was attracted to “thug dudes” because she needed a man who could “handle” her.
Crickets.
What exactly does that mean? How hard could it be to handle her “Leave it to Beaver” ass? I couldn’t do anything but laugh.
I know women subconsciously test men for strength, leadership abilities and overall dominance. It’s the “survival of the fittest” principle at its core. We don’t want a man we can walk all over who can’t stand up for himself, because if he can’t stand up to us, how can he protect us? Alpha male. I get it.
But does "thuggery" equal strength? Do muscles automatically make you an alpha male? Are educated men who have financial security less attractive because they can crush you with their intellect and their wallet rather than with their fists?
I don’t know if it’s just me, or if anyone else can say the same thing, but most men I’ve met who appear to be “bad boys” are complete assholes to date. It’s not like they were the strong, silent types who only looked like tigers on the outside, only to be teddy bears on the inside. Most times, if he walked like a thug and talked like a thug…he was a thug…with a mean stroke. And that’s about it.
I read that “Even though logically a woman may know these assholes or thugs are a bad choice, biologically and culturally they’ve been bred through hundreds of thousands of years of evolution to respond positively to dominant, alpha male traits on a primal, unthinking level.” I think this is totally true, because if we were to use our right mind, the beta male would seem WAY more attractive to us.
The Beta Male is the one who can provide for his family financially, is intelligent AND responsible, and successful. Yet he seems to be our second choice. The nerdy doctor or lawyer is no where near as fine as RayRay, Craig n’em, so we overlook him hoping that we can tame the drug dealer, or the NBA player. Yet when a woman of another race snags an “Obama” type, we sulk and complain and wonder how SHE got HIM. Well, she most likely got him because he didn’t possess the “street” or “thug” traits we were looking for - so he felt free to be himself with someone else without having to rob a bank to get our attention.
Now, I know this is pissing some of my sistas off because it seems like I’m generalizing and lumping all black women together. I’m not. I know not ALL of us want the bad boy, thug dude. But enough of us do to the point where I find it necessary to ask…why???
As grown women, don’t we want the man who can stimulate us mentally and not just physically? Who could probably walk into a bank armed with a 760 credit score and down payment for a house and who has a healthy portfolio and 401K? I’m not talking about someone you simply have sex with and keep as your dirty little secret. I’m talking about being booed up with the guy who can probably fight, but can’t walk into a job interview and nail it wowing everyone with his intellect and charm. I’m talking about the one who’s never been anywhere further than the 4 or 5 blocks of his neighborhood – and doesn’t care to see what else is out there. I’m talking about the one who can sex you down, but not complete a full sentence. That’s who I’m talking about.
And don’t get me wrong, there are corporate men out there who can rock a suit just as well as some jeans and timbs on the weekend. I’m not talking about them. I like versatile men just as much as the next woman. But I think you get my drift. Pookie n’em gets no play from me.
Again, I know I may be wrong in my assessment, and I can admit when I’m being narrow-minded…but is it just me? I know I may catch hell for this post, but somebody enlighten me…what am I missing?
Go!
-b
Monday, August 9, 2010
Happy Tuesday everyone!
No...I didn't blog yesterday. I'm sorry :-( I was slammed at work and didn't have time to post. I'm slammed today too, so I'll get right to it :-) The good news is, I finally got a laptop! So hopefully I'll get to write more at night so that we have a blog to discuss first thing in the morning. So that's that :-)
I recently read that a recent poll of individuals found that one-third of women lie about how many sexual partners they've had, according to the Daily Mail. While some of them admitted to telling "big fish" stories about their conquests, the majority -- 64 percent -- say they usually shave a few notches off the bedpost.
This didn't surprise me. A woman will NEVER tell you the truth about how many men she's slept with, unless she just lost her virginity or something. But women my age rarely tell the truth about the "real" number. Hell, women my age who have never been married with no kids probably don't KNOW the real number...they've probably lost count!
That's not to say that a woman should ho themselves out if they're living the free and single life, but the older we get, I just assume that number will be higher if you're not married and having sex with the same person day in and day out.
That same survey said that the average number of sexual partners for a woman is 7, while the average number for men is 13. I don't know about you, but those numbers sound pretty low to me. Somebody is lying...both men AND women.
I know most men lie about the number of partners they've had in order to inflate their sexual experiences, while women tend to lie in order to downplay theirs. No woman wants to appear to be a slut, even if their number seems relatively low by comparison to most men. They will also lie if they know that their number is higher than that of the guy they're currently sleeping with - because they don't want to seem more experienced than he is. It's a double standard that still baffles me. A man can say he's been with 60 women and he's a stud. A woman who says she's slept with 60 men is a ho...a straight up, stankadank ho.
And the double standard isn't just applied to us by men. Women judge other women the same way. I don't know what number is considered high or low, but if a man says 10 is too high of a number, then women will go along with what the man says. Who are they to judge, and why do we care so much what they think? If you're sexually responsible, who cares?
I'm sure there's a threshhold for how many partners we think is too many by our own personal standards. If a man told me he had over 500 partners, I'd probably give him the side eye and the run in the opposite direction. That number would signify to me that he's not very selective with who he lays down with and the law of averages would probably have me believe that's he's contracted an STD more than once in his life with that many partners. Not sure I'd want to roll the dice with that one. But at the same time, I could be totally wrong if he was safe every time. It's just a bit too touchy for my taste...and we're all entitled to that.
But it's sad that women feel they need to lie about the number of partners they've had simply to ease a man's ego or to color their perception of us as a person. In this day and age, no one should be asking that question anyway. I can't even remember the last time a man asked me how many sexual partners I've had. It simply shouldn't matter. The only thing a man should be asking me is "When was your last physical exam?" and "Are you STD free?" Those are fair questions that I have no problem answering. Anything further than that is "none 'ya." Chances are, whatever perception you already have of me won't be changed by knowing how many partners I've had - and if it will, then I'm probably someone you shouldn't be laying down with anyway. But hey, that's just me...what say you?
Go!
-b
Friday, August 6, 2010
TGIF!
Friday Sexy Survey!
1. Could you date/marry someone whose friends/family you hated - or that hated you?
2. What are your sexual pet peeves?
3. If you could go back and relive any of your past relationships without changing a thing, would you?
4. Which zodiac sign was your best lover? Do you believe certain zodiac signs are better lovers than others?
5. My most memorable sexual experience was ________________ ?
Go!
-b
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
And Happy Birthday to the very special, very adorable baby Sophia Michele who turns ONE YEAR OLD TODAY! Happy Birthday SoSo!
- My nephews are here with me at work today along with my sister. It's Kid's Day at A&E and they're having a ball! It's great having them here with me at work. Kyce was just on tv, doing a game show...love it!
- Okay, but why are there some parents here asking me where their children are? Um...where did you leave them? How the hell should I know?...I'm not the nanny!
- The guy who's doing the kids game show is crackin' me up! He's a natural!
- I know the balloons are for the kids, but I want one...or two. Purple.
- I hate when people try to get me to do their work...as if I'm not busy enough. And sneaky about it too. I was ready to fly someone's head yesterday. And I'll be ready to fly it tomorrow.
- Seeing all these kids around me today makes me realize that I just might not be ready for any of my own. Kyce is 6, and I'm wondering if I could really see myself with a 6 year old right about now.
- But if he was as wonderful as Kyce and Ibrahim are, then I could see it :-) Yes...I'm biased :-)
- Shaq to Boston? Really?
- People who kill or harm babies should be locked up for life. No exceptions.
- Who cares if Montana Fishbourn is a porn star...she deserves to be famous for no reason too :)
- I know all of you have seen this on Facebook already, but I can't help but post it again. I can't stop laughing at this!
And Brian's Random Thoughts Thursday Throwback! This was the shiznit!
Go!
-b
Happy Hump Day!
and "haaa...pppy...biiirth...day....Mr. Pre...si...deennnt" (ala Marilyn Monroe)
Sexy at 49, love it! I hope Michelle gives him some special treats tonight for his special day :-)
If you haven't heard me say it before, let me tell you again. I love that man. Pres. Barack Obama is ALL KINDS of grown man sexy. I just wanna lick his face!
Nothing is sexier than a sophisticated, grown ass man. Not a dirty old man. Not a rikkety old man. But a distinguished gentleman.
Young men are fun, delicious, spontaneous and just so darned cute. But something about an older man just makes you feel like a woman. Not grampa old - but mid to late 40's, and even a man in his early 50's who has grey temples and a seasoned smile is sexy as all hell. Add brilliant intellect to it and he could be dangerous. Barack Obama dangerous.
A lot of women are drawn to older men because they are believed to have more money, more power, are set in their careers, and any children they have are out of the house and/or on their own. Responsibility and stability are very attractive to younger women...especially when some men in their 20's and early 30's are still living with roommates like they're in college and behave like frat boys...not that there's anything wrong with frat boys. (Had to clear that up for Powerz and my play future baby daddy and Geeque) :-) A man in his forties probably wouldn't (or shouldn't) be caught dead living with a bunch of dudes...or in his mama's basement.
Some young men seem to have an immaturity about them that women are turned off by. Some of them simply do not know how to treat a woman. At all. They haven't had the same experiences that an older man may have, so they're clueless when it comes to us - emotionally, mentally and/or sexually.
Older men usually also know what it means to have had their hearts broken. They may have been married, engaged or at least been in one or more serious relationships - and they've learned how to love a woman, treat a woman and how to give her what she wants or needs. Younger men are lucky if they can remember the name of the girl they smashed the night before. I'm not saying older men are saints and younger men are the devil when it comes to women, but a man in his forties shouldn't be playing games...and no one wants to be the old man in the club. They've moved on from such childish things, and knocking the bottoms out of random chicks should NOT be appealing to them anymore.
In my experience, older men have a strength that draws you to them. It comes from their experiences, both negative and positive, inside AND outside of relationships. They've been around the block and know exactly what they want out of life - and from women. They don't sit around and whine or complain when things don't go their way - they just go out and change what they don't like and handle their business. They're able to take care of themselves - and probably by a certain age, they know how to take care of another person too...and not in the "sugar daddy" kind of way. They know how to make you feel special, appreciated and like the grown and sexy woman that you are...and let's admit it - isn't that what we all kinda want? Deep down, the little girl inside of us wants a real man to be able to take care of us...jus a lil bit :-)
-b
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
He's baaaackkkk! If you thought you knew Fury before...man listen. Can you all do the alphabet like Fury? Let's see...let's go!
Down to the Sexy Letter...by The Fury.
For those of you interested in knowing a little more about me, I thought I'd break down The Fury A - Z. Well it'll be a two-parter, we'll do A - M first.
A is for allergies. Of which I have, especially the hay fever/pollen kind. I once had a full blown allergy attack of repetitive sneezing during sex. Did this stop me? Nope - just kept on pumping away because she was about to cum and I'm not that selfish.
B is for blow jobs..good ones. The true way to my heart. Now, if you can give a great blow job AND cook...go ahead and send me an email...let's be friends.
C is for cumming - which I don't do often or easily (at your hands, mouth, or other parts). Hey, what can I say, I'm a challenge for you ladies.
D is for doggy style, which all things being considered, I must admit is, in all of its incarnations, my favorite sexual position. I like plump asses and well...doggy style gives a great view.
E is exotic dancers. My first trip to a strip club was when I was well under age and snuck in by my brother and his friends because they didn't want to take time to drop me off at home first. I had a coke (cola) and watched the wild gyrating. I've had great conversations with dancers, arguments that boiled over into heated sexual tension, lap dances from heaven and hell, seen college classmates dance topless in shock, surprise and titillation and through it all, I've never felt like it wasn't money well spent.
F is for far sighted. Apparently, I am slightly this, but really my sight is fine. In fact, I know this because I had no problem seeing the round ass on the optician's assistant that gave me the eye exam.
G is for group sex. The closest I've ever come to this is having sex with other people in the same room that were also having sex - albeit we were in different parts of the room. Although, I can't honestly say I'm against it. I've just never been in the situation.
H is for handcuffs. I've been handcuffed and have handcuffed others. I work much better as a Dom. If the cuffs come into the bedroom, you're pretty much a lock to have your wrists squeezed on tightly by the metal (or fur covered) toys while I tease you to juicy wet pieces.
I is for instant gratification. I only like this in spurts (no pun intended) and in certain instances. I like feeling and enjoying all of the sensations, tastes and sounds of sex. See "C" above.
J is for jerking off. Sorry, I know I should put this under "M" for masturbation, but I already have something for "M" so...jerking off...Something I often do after writing a really good post here (although that's not the only criteria). Most times I don't write the confession posts so much as channel them. I get worked up pretty well writing them. If you want to get well tasted, caressed, kissed, intimated or fucked mercilessly, come see me right after I finish a hot post.
J can be for Jayne Kennedy, the TV personality and sportscaster I had a gigantic celebrity crush on as a kid. She eventually went on to do a highly touted Playboy cover and pictorial. Urban legend has it she had made one of the first celebrity sex tapes with her grease ball husband/actor Leon Issac Kennedy. The controversy (and Playboy) eventually led to her not being on TV much anymore. I saw the Playboy pictorial somewhere around 17 years old one day walking around Greenwich Village when one of those homeless/down on his luck guys had it for sale on the street. I flipped through it for all her ebony goodness then tossed the guy a buck for the pleasure. Turns out the sex tape wasn't legend. One day surfing the net for porn, I began a relative scavenger hunt of clues that lead me to a low quality (well it was shot in super old VHS) version of my childhood celebrity crush prancing around naked with full 1980s bush, having sex, masturbating and then getting fisted by the grease ball. Maybe that should've been my "F" entry. Alas, I've never felt the urge to punch a woman in her cervix...with my fists.K is for kissing. I like to kiss. I like lingering, wet, warm passionate kisses. I like the intimacy of it all..if I like being intimate with you. Otherwise, it's just a little personal.
L is for lurkers. Yes, all of you that read sexy blogs, especially this one, without making a comment, sending an email (to dirtydetails(at)gmail.com) or in some way shape or form encouraging/critiquing the writers (ie. me). I love you lurkers and I think of new ways to get you to say something to me. ALL of you lurkers. The thousands of you that come every month. Lurkers from everywhere as far as New Zealand, although the world is small on the net isn't it? While I write for me and my constant active readers, it's you lurkers (especially those constantly returning lurkers dubbed returning visitors in my site stats) that really push me to do new things. Doing new things in hopes you will climb out of your shell.
M is for money. Something I've never spent directly for sex. Yes, I know indirectly for dinners, wining/dining, Valentine's Day gifts blah blah blah, but never in the "Spitzer buys a call girl" way. Not that I have anything against the guy (except that his silly ass got caught) or the tons of hot sex workers out there. I have just never felt compelled to pay (yes, I know directly) for sex. Although (see above) I have spent my fair share for "like sex".
My name is The Fury, I have 13 letters left..
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Monday, August 2, 2010
Happy Monday everyone!
So I heard something that got me very curious on the train this morning. Two guys were talking about a mutual friend of theirs who apparently was expecting his first child. One of them said he was surprised that their friend married his wife and had decided to have children with her because he didn't think she'd make a good mother. The other guy asked him why he thought she wouldn't be a good mother and his response floored me.
"Because she's fat."
Wow.
The other guy seemed just as shocked as I was at his response. Although it seemed tactless and mean, I was curious to hear his reasoning.
"Women who are fat lack self control, therefore they don't make good mothers."
We both sat there listening to him....crickets.
While I thought his reason was absurd, it did beg the question: What traits should a woman possess (or not possess) that would deem her fit to have "baby mama" potential from a man's perspective? I'm sure this answer varies from man to man - but in general...what do men look for in a woman who might carry their seed one day?
As silly as his answer seemed, I could see his thought process. Most men want a woman who is responsible to be the mother of his child. So if she eats too much, he may think she doesn't care about her health, or will pass down bad eating habits to their children. While some people are overweight for reasons that have nothing to do with bad eating habits and/or lack of exercise, most people who could lose some weight should be more conscious about their nutrition. That's not to say that a woman who is overweight can't make healthy choices for her children, but the assumption is that if a person is heavy, they're lazy and they don't eat well...and therefore are reckless with their health and will be irresponsible when it comes to their child's health as well.
So tell me, what else would make a man think that a woman wouldn't make a good mother?
Here are a few traits I can think of off the top of my head:
1. She's promiscuous or a "party girl"
2. She had/has an addiction (drinking, smoking, self destructive, Lindsay Lohan, etc.)
3. She's selfish or materialistic
4. She's impatient
5. She's crazy :-) (most men think "crazy" and "woman" are synonymous) LOL!
6. She can't cook or clean
7. She doesn't work, has no real skill
8. She's not nurturing, affectionate or "motherly"
9. She's fiercely independent
10. The obvious...she doesn't want kids :-)
Are there any more? Women, are there traits that you look for in a man to determine if he'd make a good father? If so, what are they?
Let's hear it! Go!
-b
