Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I'm a Screamer

Happy TMI Tuesday!

First things first - our favorite taser and shank wielding AnaJolia has been in the hospital since last night, so baby Sophia Michelle should be here today! Looks like Annamaria is getting her wish to have her baby on Barack Obama's birthday! Please send your prayers for lil mama's safe arrival - Annamaria tells me she doesn't wanna come out! Can't wait to meet her!


The first Tuesday of the month is officially TMI Tuesday, even though the past few Tuesday's could have been deemed as such. I'll try to limit my revelations to the designated day, but for now...let's get to it :-)

Yes, you read right. I'm a screamer. There, I said it. Okay...maybe I'm not a screamer, but I'm pretty loud. I don't mean to be...it just happens. This is me:

Well, I guess I should say that that's me if I'm enjoying myself. If not, then you'll know...cuz you'll be able to hear a pin drop.

When it comes to having sex, everyone has their own way of expressing their level of enjoyment. Some prefer gentle moans and sexy gasps as a quiet way to enjoy a little romp. Others prefer the loud dirty talk and bed squeaking screams that come with a back breaking good time. There's no right or wrong way to be loud (or not loud) in bed, but there is a correct way to adjust the noise level if your partner is too loud or not loud enough.

Having sex with a person who just lays there and doesn't utter a peep can put a damper on sexual intimacy and arousal. Kinda like watching paint dry. After all, how do you know you're satisfying your partner unless they say something? Anything. Can I get a murmur? A grunt?

Men think this is a problem that most women have, but some women don't like it when men don't say anything either. I don't necessarily want to be with a man who's louder than I am, but say SOMETHING to me. Whisper in my ear, say my name a few times, ask me how I like it. I'm not a big fan of "vulgar," but a little dirty talk never hurt anybody. Being with a man who says absolutely nothing is kinda weird. It sort of feels like what Miss Celie said in The Color Purple - "just climb on top'a me, and do his bidness." Newsflash men: We like to know we're pleasing you too! Whether it's through raspy moans or dirty talk, being vocal in bed lets the other person know the sex is good, which in turn boosts their confidence and arousal, and they'll just want to please you more. It's a form of primal communication that allows you to be in and enjoy the moment. Amazing sex, to me, is about expressing yourself and using all of your senses - including sound.

If you're with someone who's as quiet as a church mouse, then talk to your partner to get them to open up. Ask questions, say their name, make them feel desirable and comfortable enough to open up. But make sure the reason why he or she is quiet is because they're shy, and not because the sex is wack. Don't make them fake it like Meg Ryan did :-)

Now, I've never really gotten any complaints about my being "noisy." But I realize that for every person who thinks their partner is too quiet while having sex, there's another person who thinks their partner is too loud. Deafening, orgasmic screams and uncouth dirty talk may turn some people on, but for others it can be a turn OFF, distracting or even embarrassing. And I totally get it, cuz I'm a bit embarrassed after the fact too since I live like most other New Yorkers - neighbors on top of each other and thin walls. I usually wind up avoiding all eye contact in the elevator the next day :-)

But if your partner is too loud, don't try to muffle her/him with a pillow. That's not cool. Someone tried to do that to me once, and let's just say that didn't go over very well. Just "shush" me. Don't...uh...try to...KILL ME! I can hear you, just say something. Putting a hand over my mouth is not much better. You might get bitten :-)

If ear-splitting yelling makes you or your partner uncomfortable, then you should talk about it. Stifling your sounds may hinder your experience, but if being loud upsets your partner's experience, then one or both of you will need to compromise. Loud lovers can learn to tone down their sound effects by whispering something erotic rather than shouting it in your ear - or by using milder phrases like, "right there...sloooweer, just like that" rather than a piercing shriek. Or, if you want to make noise despite your partner's desire for you not to, then consider adding some background music to your sex sessions or turning on the tv so your utterances aren't as noticeable.

Whether too loud - or not loud enough - talk about it. Just don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable; and don't force your partner to do something he or she doesn't want to do. Try to do what comes naturally, while keeping your partner in mind. I'm sure there's a happy medium somewhere in your noise level. But just a note: If you're gonna be with me, love out loud! I wanna hear it!

...just don't suffocate me!



THATgirl said...

OMG...is it true?

THATgirl said...

It is!! FIRST BITCHES!!!!!!

Now let me read the blog.

Brooke said...

LMAO!!! Finally, Lisa wins!!!

Anonymous said...

B, you forgot to mention that you also sweat up a storm.

Loud and sweaty .... just the way I like em!

Locksmith :-)

THATgirl said...

Geez...seeing that Annamaria is in the hospital..it kinda takes the fun out of being first! Oh well...

Anyhoo--I agree--we must communicate!

I've been told I was too loud (ok, I was just trying to be entertaining), too quiet (the sex was wack), and everything in between. I typically try to adjust my levels to my partner's levels, within reason. I'm gonna still be me, but if you seem like you're the quiet type, I'm not gonna scream bloody murder. I must say, I hate a guy that's too quiet. There was this one guy that didn't make a sound--except for this little tiny grunt when he--you know. I thought that was the oddest thing--even if he thought it was terrible, it had to require a jedi mind trick of some sort to remain so silent!! I talked to him about it and he got a little more vocal...but at that point it just seemed fake.

In general, it's my personal thought that people that are sexually in sync can read each other, and follow each others lead.

Brooke said...

Now see...Locksmith is tryna put my bidness in da street! LOL!!

Lisa, I hear you. A man that's too quiet is terrible. Rare (in my case)..but terrible nonetheless. It's like why bother even being there? Say something...ANYTHING! :)

Oh, and just because Annamaria's in the hospital, you still win at being first! DMoe and Ant are contenders too! So you win!

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Thatgirl... i am issuing a warning... if you call First... you should have already read the blog... and just put the first to hold your spot while you write...NOT READ!!! If anna marie was around..you would most likely get shanked and tased. But I'm going to let you off witha warning. LOL

Anyway Brooke.. I like loud... makes a man feel proud. Like dam... I'm really tearin that up!! It's GREAT for the ego. Some woman say if I'm too loud stuff a sock/panty in my mouth... although I've never done it... THAT'S ODDLY SEXY TO ME TOO!!!!

Now here's the thing.. I'm usually pretty quiet...except for a few dams and grunts. That is until I get to the moment which is usually marked by several oh Shhhhhhhhyyyyyt's where I really pronunciate the "T"s

Yolanda said...

Aww man, I guessed 8/2 @ 3:31 pm for the baby! Hope she has an Obama birthday though. Congrats!

I'm a sweaty screamer too!
(and a bit of a dirty talker)


Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

And if annamaria was here...she'd also tase me for spelling het name wrong again. Please ... don't anyone tell her to come back and read this!!!

Brooke said...

Pretty Ricky aka "The Mayor" has laid down the rules again! Thatgirl, take notice!

He's lucky Annamaria isn't around to see he spelled her name wrong AGAIN :-)

Stuff a sock in her mouth? Uh, no, not happening... ;)

Yolanda, a girl after my own heart ;)

The Cable Guy said...

Who the hell is locksmith and why is he telling on you??? That's not cool man!!!!

I love loud my damn self, scream at ME! I love knowing I'm pleasing my woman and if she wants to wake the neighbors, I ain't got no problem wit it! Wake they asses up!

Serena W. said...

Yeah I guessed August 4th!!!!!!

A dude too quiet or not speaking at all is such a mood killer!!! Boo him! Yeah I booed the too quiet dudes! Lol!

Brooke said...

wow, I can't even imagine getting "booed" in bed! Yikes!

Serena W. said...

I don't think I would do that in bed...maybe after lol! Its never been an issue but if he's too quiet he better get ready (lmao)!!!!

Saying this all in fun. But no I can't dig the color purple quietness in the bedroom. Too much!

Keefe said...

eff that quiet ish!!!! Imma talk about you, your mama, her mama, your sister, and your cousins when we are "getting it in." And after I release, Imma tell you how much "I hate you!!"


Brooke said...

Keefe, you crazy :-)

DMoe said...

Wow. Interesting. I think the key common thread here is a nice piece of feedback within the moment.

As long as its basically being communicated that -
(1)"This is completely unbelievable"
(2)"We need to get on track here"

Every other communication item in one's arsenal is fair game.

I'm not a fan of 'too loud' per se. But i'll love on a loud chick with my ego squarely super-sized. I can actually deal with that, if I had a choice. Come on - that's easy. I'm also not a fan of the sound of a waiting room at the dentist's office. That's just lame.

Want me to know your pleased?
Say so.

Want me to know that my vehicle is idling in exactly the right spot? Say so.

Want me to know that you prefer a different gear at this particular moment?
Find a sexy way to work that info in.

If there's anything worse, its where one person has no info to provide to the other as its goin' down, and then bitches later. I'm all about the feedback.

But - for "loud" historically, I have taken a unique approach. Rather than burying her face in the pillow, I find it effective (and wholesome fun) to play around with the "delivery" mechanism, effectively rendering her unable to find air, words, and/or the proper octave.

Here's what I mean: Our subject begins to gather air to hit her 25th-straight Jennifer Hudson note. As this happens, slowly (and in rhythm) increase the amount of the "HBI" (hot beef injection) and she'll either lose her ability to find the voice, OR, its fun for all as she loses all sense of control and melts like butter for yet another O.

Fellas, give it a try. You'll be entertained and amazed at your own ability to pull these "juke" moves on your opponent.

I can't believe I told ya'll that.

Happy TMI Tuesday.

Brooke said...

ummm...hot beef injection... increase the "amount?"

sounds like you don't play fair :)

And that would just make me louder, so it would backfire on you ;)

Anthony Otero said...

I love loud. Having a woman be loud during sex is the best! I can be loud too if you push the right buttons...

With that being said...there is too loud, which I have never encountered personal, but have heard.

I wont suffocate you Brooke...lol

Brooke said...

Thanks Ant...I think? ;)

I know some women who are into the "choking" suffocating thing... not me :-)

The Fury said...

Love out loud indeed! to quote School Daze "You don't scream I sho won't holla".

Give it up! Let them hear you in the rafters up in the cheap seats! That's what the hell I'm talking about.

I've had deafeningly loud partners. Partners that were so loud I was embarrassed to see the neighbors too, but at the end of the day...I'm sure they enjoyed hearing it.

I can't stand a church mouse. Roar for a nukka!

Anonymous said...

Damn I'm a screamer, dirty talker and a nimpho* call it whatever I love it! My ex wasn't a talker or moaner he just did his thing and that use to piss me off, but when we was done he tells me how good it is and he loves it and blah blah, but I can't tell if you don't say nothing at the time!

Georgia Peach said...

Ok i'm a day late - did Annamaria have the baby?

- As for me I'd say I'm somewhere in between...I can get loud, but I'm probably more of a talk to you in your ear type of gal. That's just me, but if it gets good then lawd have mercy!

Good topic today Brooke!

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