Monday, August 3, 2009
Happy Monday y'all!
As usual, I was clueless as to what to write about today. And I have no excuse considering I barely did anything this weekend. I was "nekkid" almost all day Saturday, just walking around carefree doing stuff around the house. I don't think I ventured out til Sunday evening around 8...and that was just to pick up cat food, etc. from Target.
It felt good doing nothing...and being nekkid :) I actually turned on the AC and felt the cool air on my body...nice! I didn't cover up, avoid any mirrors or make any faces at my imperfections. I actually stared at my skin in the mirror on Saturday. I still have the nice, brown tan I got in DR. VERY COOL :-)
As much as I know I need to tone up and shrink some areas of my body, I have no problem looking at my "wobbly bits." Do you remember that scene from Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason? Take a look:
I don't recall a time when I ever got dressed or undressed under the covers. Maybe I got dressed in the dark, stumbling around searching for my panties so I could make it home to shower and change and get to work on time...ahem...but that was about it. There was no "hiding."
I'd be hard-pressed to find someone that isn't self-conscious about some part of their body — even supermodels have insecurities. So when you're starting a new relationship and getting to know each other, especially in the bedroom, it can be incredibly intimidating to expose your flaws. Whether it's morning breath or cellulite, we're all self conscious a little bit in the beginning about something.
But I look at it like this - my hips don't lie. You see me. You can take a pretty good guess as to what I got going on under my clothes. And if you STILL wanna lay down with me, then what am I hiding for?
Nowadays, you can ask a woman what she’d like to change about her body and she will give you a list - Botox this, collagen here, lipo there, tighten this, lift that.
But as a woman who is very comfortable in her own skin, I want to give my body the respect it deserves and to stop judging it so harshly. I define my body by MY standards, not by what society says is okay. I love my body for what it is, rather than hate it for what it isn't or never will be.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in being healthy and strong. I think we should take better care of ourselves, and I could do better. And I am. I make strides everyday in that department, especially since I've been hanging with Miss Monica. She has inspired me with her triathlon training, and I'm enjoying the new things I'm making my body do as a result. My arms, my legs, my lungs, my heart - they never let me down, and they're getting stronger everyday.
My body is my temple...and because I view it that way, it can be HIS temple too. Worship my thighs. Kneel at my womanhood ;)
What I have found out over the years is that men tend to see in you what they love most. If you have a big backside - and he's an "ass man" - chances are he's not obsessing over the dimple you have there. Those heavy breasts you want lifted may make his mouth water if tig ole bitties is what he favors. In your eyes, he will detect the spirit you have chosen. Your smile AND frown both speak volumes. He will see you how YOU see you; and if you have an issue with your body, so will he.
If I'm too busy worried about what you think of my body, how can we both enjoy it? You see me, it's too late now. Clothes are off. We're here! Turn on the lights and take a good look. My body is a playground - swing on my swing, slide down my...
whew!!
I'm not embarrassed by what anyone might see. I don't cringe at the sight of my naked body. Oddly enough, I don't like looking at myself in pictures, with clothes ON. How crazy is THAT?
But my brown, soft skin? I love it! My hands? I love getting manicures to show off my long, pretty fingers. My teeth are white and straight. I like wrapping my long, smooth, chocolate legs around a nice strong back. I love the way my bubbly breasts bounce when I have on a good bra that shows off my ample cleavage. I've even grown to accept my curly eyebrows. Yes...I said curly eyebrows!
Looking in the mirror, I see that it's quite possible to love everything in its reflection. I look at myself directly, and rather than risk the pain of experiencing everything I am not, I savor the sweetness of who I am.
On Saturday, the woman I saw was glowing! She was more than the sum of the color of her skin, the texture of her hair, and the shade of her knees and elbows. What she saw went beyond and deeper than a surface appreciation of beauty, a superficial measurement of self. What she saw was empowering. She didn't just consider her exterior, but also her heart.
She danced around to music playing in the background, "wobbly bits" whirling around with her, joyous and happy. She sang to her voluptuous curves...and they gave her a standing ovation. There was no shame or negative inner visions. She was beautiful, and whole and free.
She was me :-)
-b
35 comments:
FIRST BITCHES!
Nice blog Brooke! I'm pretty sure we all have "wobbly bits" unless you're a teenager or a gymnast. The most important thing I will take away from today post is this:
"I love my body for what it is, rather than hate it for what it isn't or never will be."
I think that I will keep that in mind everytime I have something negative to say about my body. Although if we keep working out the way we have been...we won't have much of anything "wobbly" lol.
LOL!!! I still have a long way to go before I won't be "wobbly," but I'm hangin with you, so it'll be ALL GOOD!!!
now...what are we eating for lunch today? :-) HA!
hmmm not sure...something good but low in carbs for me :-)
LMAO... You two heifers are hysterical! Brooke you are beautiful & it's great that you see that in yourself not many people do. I don't like rock hard abs, etc etc.. confidence is more sexy to me than being a certain size or looking a certain way.. I think its more natural. Plus I walk wobbly now..LMAO...
Being free and you is the best feeling! I will tell you the worst is when you're at the beach with someone who isn't free, not trying to embrace the beautiful body God gave them (whether they are slim or thick) and complain the whole damn time!
Sigh...had to vent.
Okay back to being free! Ironically enough I became more free and loved my body more when I started running. It gets so damn hot out there that sometimes I end up running in just shorts and a sports bra. Watching women thicker than me run by with the same on. One sista said, "I'm not ashamed! I love my body!"
I really embraced that concept and try to help women out that don't embrace their curves, breasts, etc by encouraging them that they are beautiful and bold in His eyes ;-)
Great blog!
Well...SOMEONE's gotta be the voice of dissent...
I'm cool with everything you wrote, Meryl. And I think most of us should be comfortable in our own skin. So this doesn't apply to you or even necessarily anyone on the blog. But...
Some of these heifers is TOO COMFORTABLE.
I'm serious! When yo a$$ looks like you can play left tackle for Nebraska Cornhuskers, you DO NOT need to be puttin' on the 1989 spandex biker shorts! Some of these sloppy, nasty-fat-nasties have no sense of reality, and use the "I'm beautiful, dammit!" mantra as an excuse to repulse us normal folk. Um, sorry boo - weighing more than an NBA power forward IS NOT here it's at, and I DO NOT want to see your muffintop dough!!!
The comedian Monique (not a fan, sorry) is always talkin' 'bout how fine she is and dissin' women smaller. Well, good for her that she's secure and her husband likes it. But she creates a false sense of reality for some of these chunk-os!!! See, SHE dresses sensibly and not like a hot mess. But the behemoths that listen to her think her words give them license to wear whatever Heidi Klum was wearing on the Victoria Secretions (yup, I spelled it right!) runway! No way, Big Bertha!
And these weeble-wobble dudes?? MAAAAAAANNNN - put yo shirt on! Nobody wanna see your 36 C's jangling in the wind! Ewwwww!
I'm just saying. It's cool to be comfortable in your skin...but we should also maintain a reality of who we are and what we look like to the outside world. The ones who actually care about themselves are never the problem it seems...but the biggest, fattest, hot messiest of people?? OH, we gotta suffer like it's dinner at The Klumps!!!
This has been a public service announcement for Citizens Against Large Monstrosities (C.A.L.M.) Now back to your regularly scheduled Meryl's Cafe Blog...
Thanks ladies!
I was just really feelin myself on Saturday...all weekend actually!
I have my moments where I'm like "damn, I need to live in the gym!" But all in all, I just have to be happy with who I am :)
Of course I read Rameer's comment after I posted...you crazy as hell!
I'm not even gonna touch that one.
I second that...Rameer you are a hot mess!
Now I do agree with wearing whatever, but I think that goes for slim people too.
Ladies just because your a size 4 doesn't mean that I want to see your crack on some low rises! Or wearing something Lil Kim would wear (well you know what she wears). Nuff said.
But some of those folks (both small and big) need encouragement from those who have sense on what and what not to wear.
Oh yeah, trust me - you won't catch me in ANYthing spandex. I don't wild out and wear whatever is out there. I dress for my body. I agree, you can be ANY size and still look at hot mess...that has nothing to do with weight, size, etc. It has to do with common sense! or lack thereof :-)
While it may be true that you can look a hot mess at any size, y'all be nice and play Devil's Advocate. I'm gonna be REAL. And reality is, no matter what city I've been in, with the fat rate rising in this country, the percentage of hot messes increases with the size of the individual. Truth is - when you 300+, shopping in The Limited instead of Lane Bryant ain't cuttin' it.
It's A LOT of heifers running around outside of the pasture. And I'm about to go get me some elephant tranquilizers...
This has been a public service announcement for Citizens Against Large Monstrosities (C.A.L.M.)...
Rameer I'm going to pray for you and until you visit Dallas,TX where women who are my size and smaller where whatever cause someone told them they could then you haven't seen nuthin.
Shame...any size can look a hot mess. Just the truth.
Rameer sounds like he had a bad experience with a 300lb spandex wearing chick..LOL..
And I've seen a lot of skinny hot messes sooo you can be a hot mess at ANY size.. But I also want to point out not only should you dress for your body but you should also dress for your age & situation. I've seen a few 40 year olds trying to dress like their 20 year old daughters...And although they aren't overweight it just doesn't seem appropriate to me...
Serena - BEEN to Dallas. My ex-girl is from there. Sorry - I know y'all ladies like to defend things and stay away from generalities, but even statistical data supports me...with the rise in obesity comes the rise in Camryn Manheim disease...meaning, "I'm fat and beautiful! Anything Beyonce can wear, I an wear TOO!"
No one is saying hot messes don't come in any sizes. I'm saying that obese people are out of control with the whole "comfortable in my own skin" thing to the point of not living in reality. My point was to illustrate Meryl's blog topic, while worthy and necessary has been taking too far with chunk-o men and women.
No one wants just say "YOU FAT!!!" any more. And the country is expanding exponentially cuz they have no reality to base themselves on.
And Annamaria - no bad experiences HERE. Old saying for me - "If I can't lift ya, I can't kiss ya". But I DO live in n area of the country where we're in the Top 5% for obesity in a major metropolitan area...
Y'all deny all y'all want. I travel, and know plenty of heads in plenty of cities. And I KNOW - these gigantors are getting out of control. Stop trying to identify with them - like I said, ain't talking 'bout any of y'all.
I don't defend or take up for the unfortunate majority of young Black males who won't take care of their children...cuz they're not representative OF ME. Same thing here...
This has been a public service announcement for Citizens Against Large Monstrosities (C.A.L.M.)...
I second Annamarie! People should dress according to their age and size. Not because it's in your size that doesn't mean it for you! I also appreciate people who are proud of there curves and whatnot, but damn some are too proud.
I lost 38 lbs and I think I look good but I be damn if I'm going out to flaunt it with a two piece or a bellyskin shirt.
15th Bitches!!
LOL. Anyway, what a refreshing perspective on what we all see in our mirrors. For those that may not have noticed, I have a tendency to leave my signature on this blog with some nickname. The nicknames almost always play on thin, slim, or skinny.
Let's call that my way of thumbing my nose at anyone who has ever not seen my "bigness" for the sake of my physical stature. While I don't have to move around in the shower to get wet, nor can I swing my legs from a curb, it does take a while to develop the sense of oneself enough to be comfortable in our skins, and I have cultivated an impression of myself that never touches conceit, but bathes in confidence most of the time.
I would fancy that a good thing.
Many who don't know me well may have a tendency to confuse the two, but its touchy for folks when you "love you some you" as a dude.
That's that whole arrogant thing we talked about a while back.
But, I applaud Brookey's ability to see herself for her own, inherent magnificence. Because that's exactly how to be just that.
To Rameer's point, I also agree. We live in a society where personal standards have fallen to sleep for the sake of the wellness in oneself I talked about. People get the two concepts confused.
If you've got certain things going on, you may want to remember things being displayed "in good taste" and those displays ultimately speaking for you and representing you.
There are certain things I can't wear, and just wouldn't based on what those items will say about me to others AND more importantly to myself.
Quite often these days, we find ourselves talking to the crack of a chick's ass, when she knows all too well, that her azz crack imparticular has NOTHING good to say, nor should it be a part of our conversation.
That's somebody rejoicing in themselves...in the WRONG way.
DMoe aka The Notorious S.L.I.M
Yo Rameer..you are a mess B!!LOL.
Left tackle..that's crazy..
Brooke i just had this conversation this weekend with my lady...i was like.."yo, babe ima lil worried that i am so comfortable in my skin...and i love myself soo much that i may be delusional about my size...) Im a big dude...solid...but i still want a six pack...currently i have firm keg..lol but its flat...I love the way i look..and i think as a result people love it too. Beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder...whether you are big or small. I am absolutely repulsed by woman with hairy legs...but i know a dude who thinks it is the sexiest thing in the world..I am a hip and a$$ guy...so if that is poppin i can care less about a nice lil pouch..i'm good. it's a give and take..(take that take that..im just playin) but foreeealdo...It's great to have health and appearance goals....but when your happiness is based on the achievement or lack of achievement of those goals...that's wack. Some people are not happy where they are at in their process..and to me...what good is winning the race when you cant enjoy the run..When you enjoy the run your are satisfied whether you win or loose..because you win every step of the way...love yourself and strive for the best..but respect the journey and enjoy where you are at.cuz..."it aint where you from it's where you at"-Rakim
It's your booooy!!!! Zay Buge!!!
I LIKE DMoe's comment. And I agree - I ain't big, but I ain't skinny either. I don't wear inappropriate things myself - I have a good sense of reality about my body type.
Standards HAVE lowered in this country. I recently said I wouldn't consider asking a woman out cuz she was too big, and was met with all types of derision by a group of women I was talking to.
I then asked if they thought she weighed over 275. At first they didn't want to answer, but then one finally said "she probably does, but so what? She's still beautiful, and she wears it well. You're shallow."
I then informed her anyone weighing more than Tim Duncan is NOT the one for me. And if I'm to be called shallow, so be it - "I'LL BEE DAT!!" LMBAO!!!
I guess someone had to be the bad guy today. It's been a while - guess it was my turn.
This message approved by the Citizens Against Large Monstrosities (C.A.L.M.). 2009, all rights reserved...
I agree with Isaiah, too! =)
ZAY BUGE!! I Love That!!
"a firm keg"? LOL!!
"While I don't have to move around in the shower to get wet, nor can I swing my legs from a curb," - that made me laugh too DMoe :)
But I agree with Zay, what good is crying about the way I look while I'm working on it? I'm sure I could GET to a point where I'd repulse myself in the mirror, but I'm not there, and I'm working in the opposite direction. And while I'm working on it, I'm loving it. I love the burn I feel after spinning with Mo's ass! I love the good sleep I get after an hour of swimming non-stop. I love to sweat (doing ANY type of "sweat worthy" activity) ;) I win with every stride, and I celebrate the fact that my body is still healthy and stong and supports me everyday :)
I agree, we shouldn't celebrate being unhealthy - but there are women out there who can run marathons and are still not a size 0. Look at Venus and Serena Williams. Their bodies are strong, but they don't fit into "society's" standard of beauty. All I'm saying is take care of yourself and don't stress over EVERY thing about yourself to the point where you're afraid to show your face, go on that vacation, or ask that cute guy out. Like I said, you SEE me. And if you still wanna holla, I'm not hidin!
Rameer...yo you are killing me..but i agree with the fact that we should all be good friends to one another and tell each other if we are in need of a 'membership' to fix your wobbly action. keep it 100..I think you start to look like the people you hang out with...mostly because you prolly have the same lifestyles. Sooo Start hanging out with people you want to look like..you wanna be in shape...hang out with people who are in shape...see how they get it in...and join the club. Rameer, Some woman carry there wight differently though...i know shorties who are 5'10....200lbs..but for some reason or another..(allamantium bones possibly..lol) they are bangin...for 275...she might have to be the same heght as SHAQ but she could still be an amazonian banger..Bust how they have that new show.."MORE TO LOVE..".have you guys seen that show? what do you think about it? for those who dont know it's a dating show for big boned people who like other big boneded people...Like the Burly Batchelor..or the Big Bonded Batchelorette...
It's your booooy!Zay Buge!!
Zay Buge...will we see hot messes on the boat ride you host? Lol! Just get me ready mentally!
Annamaria you're on point! Don't be 60 and you dressing like your grandchild! Yeah I said it lol!
Meryl - you would never get to the point of repulsive in the least bit. That's why what I'm writing has no appliance to you...
Zay - you right! Women wear weight differently. But YOU know what I'm talking about. I ain't talking 'bout Serena, or Jill Scott, or Gina Carano. I'm talking about DEM HEIFERS!!! YOU KNOW IT, MAN!!!
The ones that can't tell you every special at Olive Garden, even though YOU ain't ate at OG in eons. But THEY know the limited time entrees...
The ones that sear it's too hot out when it's 60 degrees...
The ones that complain that the super-size portions have gotten smaller at McDonald's/Wendy's/Burger King - and you have no clue cuz you rarely eat at those joints...
The ones who update their Facebook statuses with tales of night-time ice cream sundaes, and think it's healthy cuz they put a cherry on top.
The ones that eat full hoagies for breakfast.
The ones that know every flavor of Hicokery Farm sausage.
The ones who think Wendy Williams is a "skinny hoe".
YOU KNOW THE ONES, MAAAAAANNNN!
This message approved by the Citizens Against Large Monstrosities (C.A.L.M.)...
Rameer, I'm over here dying simply at the mention of "hoagies" for breakfast :) The Philly in me appreciated that LOL!!
And yes Zay, I saw that show More To Love. And honestly, what is the big deal about that? I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate that they show "big boned" people (as you say) on tv, but a big boned person choosing to date another big boned person means nothing to me. I wanna see the skinny dude, or the buff personal trainer on there saying he's a chubby chaser. THAT'S what I wanna see! LOL!!
I joke, but you know what I mean. I can't say that I've dated a big dude...I attract all types of men. So to me, it's more worthy to show that just because you're an amazon doesn't mean you can't bag the hot guy.
I peeped the show too and i think that would be an interesting twist..put some mad skinny dude on show who wants a more bounce to ounce chick. however, i must admit...i could not watch that show for long because as soon as the big girls started jumpin in the pool...it like watching monster quest on the history channel--"in search of the MEGA SEAL"..it was not a good look. but the same issues of insecurity were brought up in the show...and that was sad.
It's your booooooy! Zay Buge!!!
Did he say every special at Olive Garden??? Hot when its 60 degrees! Wow!
I will admit I do have a couple of friends and I fear for their health and so do their doctors. Even when I'm polite they take offense. I'm noted as, "You never had to worry about your weight."
Hey its my build and I work out.
But its scary when the doctor is telling people you gotta shed weight or else...and they still won't listen.
What's it going to take :(
And how do you approach a friend that is one of the people that Rameer is talking about. Wearing stuff you have no business wearing...
Zay!!! You got me crying over here! Did you say the history channel looking for the mega seal!!! Lawd Had Mercy! You got a sista crying over here!
I'm mad at you Zay!! Monster Quest! you wrong for that!
Serena, that's a delicate conversation to have. But it's necessary. You may need to stage an intervention. Just tell her that you love her and want her to be around for a long time. I'd appreciate someone loving me enough to tell me that.
Yeah it is delicate. I've known her since I was 8. We are really worried about her. We gently say things, encourage her to keep walking and yes to reward yourself eat light. Don't go to Ruby Tuesdays or Fridays and eat something crazy.
I truly believe its a mental shift too. They have to want it even if the doctor is telling lose weight or else you may be in an early grave.
Brooke...Monster Quest is on my my favorite shows...second only to UFO hunters..isnt the History Channel under A&E...why you mad....whut i did?..whut did?
Serena..goood luck...make sure you do it in love...and be willing to do it with her...make it a group thing so she dont feel like it's all about just her needing the change...
Yes, History, A&E and Bio are all the same company, but you know you wrong! :-)
Serena, that's a great suggestion - offer to do it with her - that would mean the world I'm sure!
I would love too but she lives 9 hours away :( but when she is with me to visit or vice versa when we go out I'll order a salad or something light to eat. Next time I'll bring my running clothes with me and walk with her. Thanks everyone for the input.
Co-sign Rameer!
It's about camouflage. I've had varying degrees of wobbly bits for the last 10 years, but it's all about how you hide them and how you dress for your shape. If I told you my *real* weight (well, I'd have to kill you) but IF I were to allow you to live, you probably wouldn't believe it. Cuz it's about camouflaging the bad parts and playing up the good ones.
And I will say that watching Wendy Williams' show, whoever is dressing her knows how to dress her size. She's no "skinny hoe"... but the stuff they put her in makes her look shapely and I can't argue with that.
Big-footed tall girls unite!!!
I'm a big footed tall girl, and I think I fool alot of folks with what my real weight is. You'll never know.
BUT, I think that goes along with the feeling comfortable in your skin thing - cuz I play up my strengths and hide my weaknesses until I get them to become strengths. Most people who don't feel good about themselves don't know what their strengths are.
For every bad thing I can say about my body, I try to say at least 2 good things...and that's what it's all about. Working on the problem areas while celebrating the things you got goin on! It's a tough balance sometimes, but I work on it everyday!
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