Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

So, I'm on the train this morning minding my own business, when I overhear these girls talking about their menz.

"He still ain't give you your money back?"

"Nah girl, and he had the nerve to ask me if he could hold $100 til next week."

" gonna give it to him?"

"I gave it to him, but he make me sick...with his fine ass."

"I hear you girl. He ever gonna move out?"

"please...with what money? His mom has the top floor though, so it's not that bad."

That's when I turned on my iPod, because I couldn't bring myself to listen to any more of that foolishness.

This was playing in my head the entire time I was listening to them speak:

I don't want no scrubs, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me..."

That conversation was straight buffoonery to me. And what shocked me even more was how nonchalant they were about it, as if this was the only type of dude they knew. I felt like screaming, "Girl, he's a LOSER! Run!"

It's not that hard to spot a scrub. As women, we get approached by them daily. They may have tricked us into believing they weren't scrubs AT FIRST, but their true colors eventually bleed through. We all go through a period of time when we attract losers - not a big deal. But for some reason or another, this woman on the train wanted to STAY with him. Women who love scrubs is a blog for ANOTHER day, but today, I want to help women out there who may not be savvy enough to spot a loser.

1. He ain't got no job man! If he ain't had a job since a job had him, then RUN! Of course there are stipulations to this. If he doesn't have a job because he's unable to find one in the current economic climate, but has a source of income from SOMEWHERE, then that's acceptable. I'm not talking about the guy who's sending out 100 resumes a day trying to find something in his field. I'm talking about Pookie who says he can't get a job because "the man wants to hold him down." And no, playing video games and selling weed is NOT a job.

2. And because he has no job, he wants to "hold" a few dollars til next week. Next week comes, and he wants to "hold" another couple dollars to hold him over. Next thing you know, he's on your bankroll. If you find yourself buying things for or giving money to one of these people, stop it! A person like this is a master at making others feel sorry for him. Just because he can put it down in the bedroom doesn't mean you have to PAY for it. Again, dick is free...or it should be...and any money given to him is money thrown away. They don't appreciate it, they expect it. Don't do it.

3. He lives OFF OF, not WITH his mama and daddy. Trust me, he's asking them for money too. And if he DOES have a job while living at home, he's not saving money to buy a house. His main priority is to save money so he can buy rims for that car that sits out front that he can't afford.

4. He has a drug habit that he says is recreational, but somehow all of your money goes toward his recreation. Meanwhile, your ass can't afford to eat from the dollar menu at Mickey D's. Hide your purse and tell Smokey to kick rocks.

5. He doesn't have a license because it was suspended "over some bullshit." NO you can't borrow my ride and NO I'm not driving your ass around. Get a Metro card and beat it!

6. He doesn't have a "real" place to live. He has no known address and no phone number. He "stays" in the Bronx with his "peoples," but also "crashes" in Brooklyn from time to time. And he just shows up when he feels like it. This type of loser will try to stay at your house for several nights..."cuz he misses you." Whatever.

7. Along those lines, he tells you that he loves you and makes you feel like you're the most important person in the world...yet will disappear on your ass for days on end without a phone call - and will have no excuse when he finally DOES get back in contact with you. You can't call him because he ain't got no damn phone! That's because he's "staying" at his other girl's house.

8. Now, if you've managed to give the scrub some before actually finding out he's a scrub, here's where it gets tricky. Scrubs can usually PUT IT DOWN in the bedroom. Why? Well, since they have no job, they have at least 8 hours a day to perfect their stroke. There's some chickenhead out there that's not working either, so they get it in with each other everyday, and practice makes perfect. Usually sex is the only thing a scrub can bring to the table. Women who are getting their backs blown out realize that's all he's got going on, so they try to find something salvageable about his personality in order to justify being with him. But that's like trying to find a treasure in a trashcan - you're wasting your time.

9. There's a warrant out for his arrest. If you meet a guy who tells you that he "caught a case" - be OUT! RUN as fast as you can. Do not pass go!

10. He has no intention of ever bettering himself. There's always an excuse as to why he isn't or hasn't accomplished ANYTHING. "The man" is holding him down. He would have gone to the pros, but he "messed up his knee." He was "bout to" go for that job. Excuses, excuses, excuses. Yes, racism and circumstances can knock a man down. But what separates a king from a caveman is how he overcomes those obstacles and rises to the challenge. Alpha males have a competitive nature, which is why they tend to gravitate towards sports, politics, war, the stock market, you name it. These type of men see obstacles as challenges to overcome, not excuses for mediocrity. Stepping up to a challenge builds strength and character, and losers know nothing about that.

I'm sure that list could have been longer, but you get my drift. And I don't think these traits needed to be spelled out for the men and women who read this blog. But sometimes we women need to sit down and ask ourselves what we really want in a man. My man. What is he doing with his life? Is he disciplined? Is he educating himself? Is he proactive? What is he passionate about? It's not about money or power, but integrity and a desire to be a better person everyday.

But then again, maybe we attract what we are...and if a scrub can get some love from us, then maybe he's not the ONLY one who's a scrub....jus sayin'.



AH said...

FIRST SNITCHES!!!!! (that's because I know I won't get tased)..... ;o)

AH said...

I have been Blessed to say....I have never had a scrub in my life.....not even as a friend. I met one at an Alum's cookout, we stayed in touch (sine he "stayed" near me) until.....I told him I dig wings (there's a wing place near where I work) and he says "cool, I'll go with you one day". When we get there, he sees I only have a $10 in my hand for MY food (I didn't think it was a date) and he asks if I had enough for him. I thought he was kidding. He says, "I mean, since I came with you and all, you could at least hook me up. You know I'm in between jobs". I canceled my order and drove him home. The whole way back he commented on he couldn't believe I was mad. As he was getting out I said, I'm not mad at all. Have a good life. The end. That's as close to a scrub as I have ever been. So it's hard for me to imagine anyone (be it male or female) to put up with ish like that. And we won't get into scrubby family members.

THATgirl said...

Man...this is like my autobiography lol--or at least my "How not to" book! I can admit, I've dealt with a few scrubs in my younger days. I was reminiscing about my relationship past with my dude yesterday, trying to explain why I ended up in such messy relationships. I told thim that when a guy has nothing BUT "love" to give, its easy to get caught up and not realize or acknowledge that he isn't taking care of business as a man ought to. It's a hard lesson to learn...but when a significant amount of time goes by, you see you've progressed, and ole boy is still nowhere doing nothing--you realize that someone's got the game effed up, and its probably you. If I wanted to take care of someone besides myself, I would have had a child.

Keefe said...


Great list! Women take heed to her words.

Men, the list was definitely one sided. With that said, I took the liberty of compiling my own list.

6 ways to know she is a pigeon

1) Lying Pigeon - The chick lies ALL the time. I mean she lies about EVERYTHING!!!!!

2) Broke Pigeon - that's the one who has all of the latest fashion, gets her hair and nail done weekly, and at the end of the day she asking you for "a couple of dollars."

3) No Priorities Pigeon - This pigeon will use her mortgage ......Oops, I mean rent money (bitch can't get a mortgage cuz she has bad credit) to go a Jay-Z concert.

4) The multiple "Baby Daddy" Pigeon - She's mad at you because she got knocked up be several "Scrubs" and now she wants you (Mr. Nice Guy) to suffer. "eff" that bitch!!

5) Gold digging Pigeon - Nuff said!

6) Reebok Vandal Pigeon - They're a special breed of pigeons. They're usually found in NYC rocking 54-11's (if you know what 54-11's are, you probably know this type of pigeon) and they think Red Lobster is a 4-Star restaurant.

I'm sure I can go on and on, but I'll leave the floor open to the brothers.

Have fun! A meeting calls.

Brooke said...

We've all dealt with scrubs before, that's how we learn to recognize them. Scrubs are all around us in our 20's, and it's okay to still be a scrub when you're young. It's the OLD ASS scrubs we gotta look out for. If a man doesn't have at least SOME of his shit together by the time he's 30, there's a problem.

Brooke said...

Keefe, I just read your list! Damn! I should have asked you to guest blog these for Friday! DAMMIT!!!

Good list tho!

I'm mad at you for writing "54-11's" :) I remember I had to ask what those were when I first moved here...that and "uptown's" :-) LOL!!

phillygrl said...

i LOVE number 6!!!lol:-)I've had some scrubs

1. They are "artists", trying to "make it"..meanwhile aint doing a DAMN thing, but trying to get on someone else's coat tails in the "STUDIO"..which is 'jim's basement''& going on the local club, etc, etc..yeah, the 'dirty backpack crew'..That was cool/cute in the 90's...NOW?...eff outta here!!

2. He's MAINTAINING, trying to 'make it happen'..etc etc..all these colloquilaisms are code for IM BROKE & JOBLESS with no clue of what Im interested in!

very good hit all of them , i'd say:-) ( keefe,, what are 54-11's?--I've never heard of that?)

Brooke said...

And April was FIRST!!!

I still can't believe dude thought you should pay for him because he went with you to the spot! That's pure f*ckery.

Brooke said...

Karen!! I remember those days :) We've had SEVERAL conversations about that back in the day - good times :-) LOL!!

The Cable Guy said...

That list was funny as hell!

Thanks Keefe for holding it down for the bruhs. I'll add the "drama pigeon" who always has to be extra with her shit. They have to create some drama to make it seem like they actually have something going on in their boring "no life having" life, or think that someone is jealous or always hating on them. Hate that ish!

Thanks for the video B ;)

DMoe said...

First of all, its never about any of the clowns on this list.

Now that I've spoken on that, here's a personal scrub story I keep in my wallet just in case times ever get real hard for me.

I had a good friend - who had a good friend, who invited us over to his crib for some drinks before we all went out for a night of club-hopping a few years back. Me and my 2 friends head over to this dude's crib, and we pull up in front of a normal two story house.

I'm thinking, "man, dude's doin alright for himself with this place...its got lots of character."

So, we go up the stairs, and knock on the door. The dude shows up at the door with expensive threads, some leather "mules" (gag) and welcomes us in.

We walk in, and there's plastic on all the furniture in the living room. I'm thinking "ok, heirlooms"
Next thing you know, we are talking as we walk through and the dude is like "Bruh.....SHHHHH....ya'll gotta keep it down, my moms is sleepin..."

After I'm shushed, I ask my boy, "hey bruh, how old is this dude?"

"Oh, man...He's 43, but he's cool as hell..."

(At this point, I look away at the camera like I'm shooting a movie here...)

Meanwhile, we make our way to the kitchen...I see dude's name on a chalkboard with a list of duties (up to and including) wash dishes, trash, and something called "mop".

I take it all in, but I do it quietly. Remember, i've been shushed.

Dude makes an announcement - "Fellas, lets head down to my spot..."

We go downstairs, and this dude has turned the 1st floor of his mom's crib into some sort of "pimp lair/loft." From floor to ceiling, its a leather sectional, luxurious throw rugs, cali king sleigh bed, a big screen, contemporary lamps with dimmed lighting, and this clown is now holding a snifter full of cognac from his stocked bar sitting in the corner.

By this point, I figure I'm pretty stupid, cuz this is NOT in the script for my "yet-to-be-written" HIT sitcom. Why is this dude NOT a character? Why is THIS not a scene?

Anyhoo, dude has us watching "The Matrix" and showing off the surround sound when we hear knocking from the ceiling...

"Alright mom damn!" he casually yells and turns to us in the same motion "fellas, what ya'll wanna drink???...anything you want, I got it. My bar is the SHIZNIT"

We make the rounds, and my drink of choice is Vodka and OJ.

"Cool, I got you...But the OJ is up in the fridge...Run up there and grab it, you'll know the carton." So, I head up the stairs, I get to the fridge and start hunting for the Tropicana.

When I spotted the juice, I was absolutely amazed to find the 1/2 gallon bottle labeled prominently with duct tape with the words "MINE" written in bold Sharpie print.


So, that is my scrub story. I had never actually seen this type of scrub first-hand, but this dude took it to a level that has been inspirational.

I keep this in my brain.


Brooke said...



NOT cool at all.

momo925 said...

LMAO funny stuff Brooke! You forgot the Lying A$$ know the one that lies about everything from what university he went to (junior college) down to basketball career he plans on having (pick up games at the local Y)


Brooke said...


Yes, you're right Mo, I forgot about the lyin ass scrub!

your boy was priceles..."er' body knows UB is the same as SUNY Buffalo."

"girl, you crazy...why I gotta lie bout dat?"


Anonymous said...

why he gotta be in the bronx

Love the pigeon comeback....
the paymybill pigeon..
she looks like a dime and because she has dealt with herbs in her past she is use to somebody paying one of her bills as a standard protocol to 'dating' her. She has low ambition but high expectations for what she wants and thinks that you as a grown ass man should dress more like only talks to guys who drive the standard "video" car..yet she pushes a 96 nissan sentra. She is a light show ho,attracted to anything that shines....

Zaaaay Buge!!!

Brooke said...

LMAO!!! Zay, sorry, didn't mean to shout the BX out like that! My bad!

"Light Show Ho?" That's a new one!

I like you how you called her the "paymybill pigeon!" LOL!!!

-V- said...

Haha ... nice list.

Dick IS free.

Georgia Peach said...

Thanks Brooke for this blog. I've def been caught up in the Scrub similar to what phillygrl described...ahhh the 20's. Hell there are still some older scrubs out there. LMAO @ DMoe's story. THAT ISH IS HILARIOUS.

I happen to know some pigeons too. Sad. :(

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