Brookey's Cafe Blog

TGIF like a mug! I've been waiting for Friday, and I've only been back 2 days. Terrible.

So..Tuesday, Mr. Latinegro was my guest blogger. He blogged about Man Rules. Now, while I didn't leave a comment, of course I read it. I happen to agree with his man rules - which basically said never to let a woman come between you and your boys. I happen to think that that rule applies for women too. It made me wonder if some man rules and women rules were the same. Maybe they're not gender specific...but more like "general rules" to relationships.

Should we even label them as rules though? Rules to me imply a game. One would think that rules would make dating/relationships that much easier, especially if you're a player in the merciless game of love.

Since Latinegro had his own version of rules for men, I figured I'd try to fashion a blog with similar rules for women. But the thing is, women create a handbook for relationships or dealings with MEN - not necessarily with EACH OTHER. It goes without saying that you don't mess with your girl's man, ex-man, someone she had a crush on, etc. I could write a blog about borrowing clothes, men, money, jewelry, not hating on each other, being petty or catty, gossiping, or any other trait that men think are characteristic of women in general.

But I think I'm going to try something different. Since women only care about rules when it comes to controlling a man, getting a man or keeping one, I'll take the rules from that angle. While many women follow these divine guidelines religiously, they don't ensure that they live happily ever after. Actually quite the contrary. For some women, it's about survival of the fittest. In addition to the rules listed in magazines, there are also unwritten rules that exist for each sex with the hopes of attracting a mate, not getting hurt, and living together in the jungle of love. Remember this movie, Two Can Play That Game?



I'm here to tell you that while these rules do offer comfort, security and reassurance of maintaining the upper hand, they will not guarantee that there won't be bumps in the road and/or failures.

Everyone woman has her own set of rules (don't cook for his ass on the first date, no blockbuster nights, sex on the third date). But women should be careful to abide by them so much so that the rules become a crutch. Your rules shouldn't be engraved in your diary or stuck on Post-It Notes on the bathroom mirror.

So my blog is about the UN-Rule. Instead of using rules to gain some type of control, try to let the rules go. Here are some rules that we women should try to let go of...or at least relax a bit.

Holding Grudges:

You've been hurt before. Usually, the women that hold grudges against all men, and think men are dogs, pigs, and just about every other mammal except for human, are usually the ones that have been hurt before - or who have friends that have been hurt in the past. She uses rules to keep her promise that never again will she shed a tear over the beast that is man.

You listen to your friends too much:

There are those women (and men, don't get it twisted) who can't make up their own mind when it comes to anything relationship oriented. The poor guy may think he's dating you, but he's really dating your divorced best friend, your promiscuous co-worker, the woman who writes the blog you follow...ahem...and Oprah :-)

One friend tells you not to call him back to apologize cuz he's an asshole and he deserves what he gets; another tells you to sleep with him, the other tells you not to; and the rest tell you that you should dump him like the dog he is. Basically, you can't make one decision on your own when it comes to your man - from what to say, when to call, to how to hang up on him when he talks slick, or gets on your last nerve.

Advice is one thing...but dependence is another. Deal in your own relationships and stop telling your girls everything.

Being close-minded:

Women that don't see past the unwritten rules of dating/relationships tend to think in a linear, narrow-minded way. The truth is, every situation calls for a different action, and there is no one absolute way of approaching dating. Close-mindedness can lead to ....

Insecurity:

...and that's not attractive. It's a vice for men and women, a tragic flaw that leads to the failure of many relationships, as it stimulates negative behavior and causes a bag full of other flaws. We think rules offer us security, and allow us to maintain control - or at least that's what the rules want us to believe.

A woman who strictly abides by rules is not being her sincere self - plain and simple (again, all you men out there are just as guilty). Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't play hard to get and should look desperate, but there's a big difference between building mystery and building a lie in order to ultimately protect yourself.

The 10 commandments:

The following are some rules that many women swear by (some are from the trusty The Rules Bible, while others are those nasty, unwritten rules that women tend to follow)

1 - Do NOT call him, and rarely return his calls
2 - Don't ask him out
3 - Don't approach him
4 - Always play hard to get
5 - Never accept a weekend date if he calls you on, or after Wednesday.
6 - If he's available Tuesday, be available Thursday :-)
7 - Let him take the lead
8 - Insist on lavish treatment
9 - Never pay your way, or treat him...EVER
10 - Never compliment him

While the gist of these commandments is to remain challenging and expect chivalry, these can be tinkered with. Nobody wants to look desperate in the eyes of another or put their heart on the line. But getting to know someone, dating, relationships - isn't always about what kind of power we have in a relationship. They're moreso opportunities to grow or learn from past mistakes.

Of course we want to appear challenging or mysterious, but wouldn't the woman who calls him the day after a date to tell him that she had fun - before he had the chance - strike you as intriguing? Wouldn't the woman who approached him at Starbucks to strike up a conversation attract him thanks to her incredible self-confidence?

Now don't get me wrong - as independent as we women are - we love chivalry. We want to be treated, we want to be swept away by knights in shining armor - but that doesn't mean that we can't take the initiative and show men that we can also be in control...and sexy, and challenging, and intriguing at the same time.

The reason you should let go of rules is because they strip you of being yourself. Maybe you're a woman that has followed the rules all her life, and has proven that the rules can work and had some success. But who are you once you take the rules away? Are you capable of letting loose and having spontaneous fun? Are you sincere? Will you ever treat a man to dinner? :-)

We can all use rules of our own in order to protect ourselves from getting hurt, or appearing vulnerable. Sometimes it's not a bad thing to keep them in mind. But it's more important to use our gut instincts when on the dating/relationship battleground. This means that if you want to catch the eye of the opposite sex, you can (and should) adjust the rules in order to play your own game - and win.

-b

Have a great weekend!

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

I'm glad it's RTT too because I don't even have time to think today. So, let's get to it, shall we?


- I was walking to the train feeling like I should be walking to the pool instead. My legs and feet felt heavy because I have on rain boots today, when I've been wearing flip flops for 6 days straight. Then the train was all messed up, cuz you know how the trains run in Queens when it rains. I say all this to say that the central thought for my morning commute was, "this is some bullsh*t!"

- And I'm STARVING!! I got so used to eating breakfast in DR that by the time I got to work at 10 this morning, Godzilla was in my stomach like "GRRRRRRR!!!" No fresh orange juice or mimosas, no omelets waiting for me as soon as I sat down. Nothing. Again...this is pure f*ckery! I got spoiled :-(

- Climbing the steps at Grand Central almost killed me today. I think the most I exerted myself over the past week was playing volleyball in the pool, swimming in the ocean and walking on the sand. I'm out of "New York" shape (read: all this damn walking and climbing up and down subway steps).

- I have meeting after meeting today. What's that about?

- Bust how my SVP told me I'm not allowed to go on vacation anymore. I just smiled and told him I need to take May 28th thru June 3rd off...2010!

- I'm sick of rain.

- I can't wait to see Martha tomorrow at the VIP Game Lounge! I'm bringing Ant with me! Are we playing Taboo?

- I can't stop thinking about lunch. What to eat?

- Our Obsessed show did well, thanks to all who tuned it!

- I still can't believe I have boots on.

- I miss my family, can't wait to see them this weekend! and bring my cat home!

- Some "folks" at my job noticed that my nose is peeling and red. They said, "I didn't know Black people could burn." I'm not in the mood today....really.

- Maybe if I close my eyes and wish real hard, I'll be back in DR........nope. Not working. Oh well...

- The music on my page today is for D :-)



Go!

-b

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Miss me much? :-) LOL!

I don't really have much to blog about today other than to say I had an AMAZING time in Punta Cana, DR. It was exactly the vacation I needed, and I'm already counting down the days til I go back next year. I was kicking myself the whole time wondering why it took me this long to get to the Soul Siesta...but better late than never right? From now on, I'll never miss another one if I can help it...and I'm encouraging everyone to go next year if you can - definitely a GREAT TIME!

Highlights:

- Gabe drooling on my shoulder sitting on the plane going to DR. He's a cutie so I didn't mind...but a sista's shoulder was soggy :-)

- Martha McKinney - My partner in crime. I traveled alone and so did she. We flew down on the same flight and officially met at the Punta Cana airport. A conversation from the airport to the hotel later and we became fast friends. She's a beautiful, intelligent woman who made me laugh the entire time, and I feel like I've known her forever. Thank you Martha for the wonderful companionship - I look forward to our budding friendship (and thank you for following my blog!)

- Mamajuanas - LIQUID CRACK! It's wine, rum, honey, herbs, bark, bugs, you name it. One shot and my whole body was on fire. But I'd take one shot and not cough for hours! Be careful cuz those things will lay you OUT! And make you kinda tingly...they say it's the "Dominican Viagra." Woo-wee!!!

- The DeeJays - DJ Ice, Chris Luv, Jay Wright and DJ Vixx killed it and kept the party going the entire time. I felt like I was at the club on the beach for a week...nice!

- Monsoon Pool Party

Facebook | Jay Wright's Photos - DOMINICAN REPUBLIC PT II W/ PENTHOUSE ENT.

- okay...it rained a lot in DR, but was still hot and muggy. One day it was like Hurricane Katrina outside...and of course all the brothas and sistas from Soul Siesta were in the pool - Martha leading the pack! I couldn't do it - something about lightning and being submerged in a pool didn't go over well with me - but I was dancing from the sidelines in my nice beach chair! The "other" guests were watching as "we" did the Cha Cha Slide in the pool from their balconies thinking, "WTF!?" The was DJ killin it out in the rain under this canopy thing...RIPPED IT! Normally I'd say it was buffoonery, but it was hot to death!

- The Comedy Shows - Capone, Nikki Carr, Omar, Smokey and Jonathan Gates - all the comedians who gave the BEST SHOW EVER! They killed it! I laughed so hard my sides and cheeks hurt. They brought the house down! And they were cool as hell too. They chilled with us by the pool and on the beach and in the clubs the entire time crackin jokes...just good people having a good time. I felt like I was at the Def Jam, just with sand. Definitely two of the best shows I've seen in a LONG TIME!

- The White Party - Sexy, grown folks sh*t! That's all I gotta say about that!

- Stalkers. Yes, I had a couple. Well....really a stalker and a "lurker." Not sure if it's a highlight, but definitely funny.

- Sexy ass menzes. There were a few...all tanned and bronzed :-) Giiiirrrrllllll :)

- Bowman Hotel - a black owned hotel in DR where we chilled, danced and watched the NBA Playoffs. One night they opened up the ENTIRE hotel to us and the Bowman served as an open dance floor...hotness!

(that LeBron shot with one second left was DOPE)

- New Friends. I met great people on this trip - mature, grown, sexy people. Everyone was nice, friendly, funny and just out to have a good time. That's the type of crowd I like to be around, especially on vacation. Everyone made my trip that much more amazing.

I could go on and one, but I'll stop here. I'll be sure to send pics and hopefully Pretty Ricky will chime in with his highlights!

So...I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully in full Blog mode. My brain is still on the beach drinking Planter's Punch :-) Thank you my guest bloggers who filled in for me while I was gone - Annamaria and Ant...love ya!

Enjoy the rest of the day and I'll be back ready to go tomorrow for Random Thoughts Thursday!

-b

Happy Tuesday!

I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend! I'm still in the DR with Pretty Ricky annem - returning today :-( - so my guest today is your boy Anthony "Latinegro" Otero! Holla!



Man Rules - Chapter 1: Women vs. The Boys



I don't talk about being a man very much. Quite frankly, because I don't want to get into a discussion about what a real man is. It's like trying to prove that humans are perfect. I will say that there are certain rules that men have to adhere to when it comes to each other - especially if they're your boys! Some of the rules are unspoken rules that are simply observed by almost every male and his close friends.

I've decided that every so often I will discuss Man Rules on my blog, Inside My Head. As a special treat, I will debut this right here on Brooke's Blog.

Today, I will talk about one thing: Women. How can women can fuck up a perfectly good friendship or at least piss off your boys long enough so that they will avoid you for long periods of time? Women vs. The Boys.

Now, this is my perspective as a Latino Male. These are the things I live by when it comes to close friends. I'm not talking about associates or guys that don't really chill with one another. Rules...

Never - and I do mean NEVER - let a woman come between you and your boys. Just don't do it. This rule is not a soft rule. This is a SOLID rule. Most men know that when you're married, or at least dating, there are only certain amounts of time that they can chill with the boys. There is no way to compete with the love and affection (and ass) that a woman can provide. We have no issues with that. As a matter of fact, we are happy about that. If you have a woman, that means that you're getting what you need.

But if there comes a time when you're slated to hang out with your boy(s), then that becomes "man time." That means that all parties involved inform their ladies that they're hanging out with the boys. This way, there is no miscommunication as to what's happening. Please make sure that certain things are done to ensure that "man time" is NOT interrupted. Here are two basic suggestions:

1. Make sure that if you have a dog, child, or any chores that need to be done, they're taken care of. We don't want to witness fights or general nagging from her.

2. Make sure that your woman is aware of your intention to hang out with the boys. Phone calls from a yelling wife demanding your return is not taken lightly by the fellas.

Don't take offense when you're called out because you're whipped. It happens. Most guys who are in a real relationship are whipped. We know this - we just pick on the one who is whipped the most. In fact, the whole concept of having a woman is to be whipped. Women can be the best thing in our lives, and guys know this. Do you think most will admit it? To each other? I don't think so. Just as long as you still give the boys respect, we're good.

If you have a new girl, please expect us to make fun of her. Nothing personal, we don't know how long it'll take before you do something so wrong that you mess it up. So, to us she is just another person in your life. We will eventually know how serious you are about her. If you tell us all the freaky shit she does in bed or with her tongue, then chances are....you are NOT trying to wife her. Now, if you're all on that new shit about not telling your boys anything, then that is whole different situation.

I bring all of this up because once a man selects his circle of friends, he rarely changes it. The friendships that are made in college are going to be the same friends that he will have by the time he is 40. After the age of 30, men don't try to find more friends. While they can spend their whole life looking for that perfect woman, they can be pretty content with their same group of friends. Most men are fickle. They will keep their boys close until something outlandish happens.

Which brings me back to my point. Do NOT let a woman come in between you and your boys. If you're both feeling the same girl, the person who ends up with her is the "winner." Don't go behind his back and try to screw around (even if the attraction is mutual). That is a cardinal sin and will lead to fists being thrown. At the same time, don't entertain the notion of dating your boy's ex-girlfriend. That may lead down a path you are SO not ready for. The last thing you want to do is get it into your head that she is comparing because chances are...she is.

A bond between boys is something that is not easily broken - and if it IS broken easily, then the bond wasn't really there to begin with. Wouldn't you agree?

-Ant aka "Latinegro"

Happy Memorial Day!

If you're around a television tonight around 10pm, check out the premiere of A&E's new series Obsessed. I think it's pretty compelling, and not just because I work there...and worked with the show :-) At the very least, DVR it :-)

If you're a fan of Intervention, I think you might like this show as well. But tell me what you think! Here's a sneak peek:



Enjoy the day off, have fun and be safe!

-b

TGIF!!

I know, I'm on vacation...sippin' on a frozen drink - BUT! I have a guest blogger today!

She may tase you. She may shank you. But you love her anyway! Today's guest blogger is none other than our very own little Puerto Rican - Annamaria "Ana 'I'll tase yo ass' Jolia" Felix!

Show her some love...with her Halle Berry lookin' ass! LOL!!



Love...It's the Lil Things Ya Do...

Ok, I had nothing in mind to write about when Brooke reminded me the other day that I had volunteered to be a guest blogger (I was originally going to write about tasers of course..LOL). But while reading her blog about love letters, it triggered a thought. People usually think that it takes big, grand gestures in order to show your partner that you love them or that you care. I HIGHLY disagree. Do I love when I get surprises and presents? OF COURSE...who doesn’t? BUT, it’s the little things that my boyfriend does that make me love him more and more every day.

What do I mean??? Did I love the 2 surprise parties I got for my birthday...and my trip to DR...and my spa gift certificate??? Of course! Everything was AMAZING and I appreciated and enjoyed every second of all of it. BUT, every day my boyfriend looks at me like I am the most gorgeous woman in the world, tells me he loves me and that I’m beautiful and then gives me a kiss. It may not sound like much, but to someone who is 7 months pregnant and extra sensitive AND self conscious, it means a lot :)

Yes, he gives GREAT gifts and spoils me to death, but I love when he cuddles with me. I love when he rubs my back or my feet - or the highlight of my week - when he drove me to Brooklyn on Sunday because I had a craving for food from a specific restaurant. What turns me into mush even further??? When he puts the kids to bed and gives them kisses and tells them he loves them. I love the effort he puts into being at EVERY game his son plays...how he melts when his daughter looks at him...how he rubs my belly, kisses it and talks to the baby every single day. It may seem soo simple, but I realize how lucky I am to have these things. There are people who wish they had that every day - or who have partners who barely pay any attention to them. If we had no money (which we don’t..lol), I still have all those lil things...and this lil thing called love.

In these difficult times when money is scarce but special occasions still come up - or even just a regular day that you want to celebrate - it can seem difficult to think of things to do to let someone know that you love them. BUT what most people don’t realize is that most people that are TRULY in love don’t require all the fanfare. Most people would rather a kind word, a passionate kiss, a loving touch.

People let me know - would you prefer to have something you can buy in a store OR the little sweet things that get done every day? What are the little things that you appreciate about your partner or that your partner may appreciate about you??

-Annamaria

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!



I'm gonna keep this short and sweet, cuz as you can see by the time of this post - it's after 1 am, and I'm STILL PACKING! Craig called me an "Igger" last night cuz I hadn't packed yet. He also said all I needed was flip-flops and condoms.

That guy...geesh! ;-)

By the time you read this, I'll be on a plane on my way to the Dominican Republic - which I'm sure you all know by now since it's been all I talked about for the past few weeks! Please wish me safe travels and a good time. Send up a prayer for Pretty Ricky too since I'll be hangin' with him there!

Thoughts...

- I am so thankful to be on vacation - I need to take more of them.

- I'm also thankful my sister and family are watching my cat Cole - I missed him all week! I love him like he's my child...don't judge me...but he's more than a cat - he's family :)

- What to wear on the plane??

- I still have no idea what "mamajuanas" are, but Pretty Ricky SWEARS he's gonna get me drunk on them. He has even instructed a girl I don't know to get me drunk. Plottin' on me already!

- Yes Nicole...I'll stay with the group and hold hands...and not go off with any strange men...and keep an eye on my drink(s)...and stay on the resort. She gave me a lecture on safety last night...and I love her for it - cuz I'd do the exact same thing.

- Anyone having a cookout this weekend?

- Why am I asking questions I'm not around to read the answers to?

- I can ask for other people tho right?

- I'm still doing it....!!!

- It's gonna be good to be off the grid for a lil bit - no email, no voicemail, no Facebook (yikes!) and NO BLACKBERRY!! Just me time...and FUN! I deserve it!

Try not to miss me too much! (***while packing flip-flops***)

Go!

and have a great, long, wonderful weekend!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

So last night I asked my friend Aaron to give me a topic to blog about. I can't think of anything except my vacation, so I had a bit of writer's block. Aaron suggested I write about love letters. My question to him? "Do people even write love letters anymore?" Good question. He said that maybe I can explore the reasons why people don't write them anymore...like do they think it makes them feel vulnerable? Is it even necessary anymore. Is it a lost art?

To me, it seems that now with technology being the way it is, people TEXT their feelings, or IM their affection...maybe even Twitter their undying love. It all seems so impersonal now. There is no more "love" or "letters"...just text, sex and innuendo. Not saying NO ONE writes love letters anymore, but when was the last time you wrote a love letter?

The last person I know who wrote a love letter was my sister Nicole. Last summer she and the kids went to visit her husband's family in Morocco all by themselves - without him. She was there for a month, and she said she wrote him love letters everyday. Being apart from him for so long gave her a chance to miss him, to remember the reasons why she appreciates him, and to fall in love with him all over again. I thought that was the most romantic, loving thing I'd heard in a long time. It gave me faith that love isn't something that has to become stagnant or stale. Love is what you make it. True love, unconditional love, lives and breathes.

So, not really sure how to write a love letter? It's been a while since I've done this myself, especially since I usually write poems for my loved ones as they serve as my muse. But if the only thing you write for your boo is a "honey-do" list, then let me give you some suggestions.

Fake it - remember this scene from Sex and The City?



Later in the movie, when Big was trying to win Carrie back, he retyped all the great love letters from that book and emailed them to her. And when they finally got married, he whispered in her ear, "ever thine, ever mine, ever ours."

My point? If you're not the lovey dovey, sappy or creative type, then find some great love poems or letters online and write them down. You might want to find some nice stationary or blank-inside cards to add a special touch. You don't need to be a lyrical genius to convey your feelings. He or she will appreciate the thought and the effort.

If you DO decide to write your own words from the heart...

Keep it simple. Write a poem or a letter that lists all the things your partner is – and isn’t. Make them things that have meaning just for the two of you, however silly or small it may seem. You can make it really funny if he/she loves your sense of humor. Just because it's funny or silly doesn't mean it's any less sentimental or heartfelt. They can be simple little things you jot down on a Post-It note for them to find...so long as it's sincere.

What are the surprising things you love about your partner? Have you learned anything recently about them that you never knew before? Write these down and thank him or her for being so unique. Writing these things down may also help you to remember why you fell in love with them in the first place, and allow you to appreciate the small ways that they bring meaning to your life.

Write With Passion. In the middle of work and family pressures, it can be very easy to forget just how important passion is. If the spark has flickered out, and you and your partner really haven’t communicated apart from via shopping lists and random text messages, then take some time to write down just how sexy you think he or she is. It doesn't have to be raunchy or overtly sexual (even though notes like that can be appreciated too), but just a smoldering reminder that you still want and desire your sweetie. Most times people just want to feel wanted.

Feel free to add some helpful tips for writing love letters if you have any. While you're at it, be thankful that you have a loved one to write TO. Really sit and think about what that person means to you and how they make you feel. And then, in a moment like this - an extraordinarily ordinary moment when you're glad that you're with that person every day in every way - write it down...and then give it to them. Or better yet...read it to them face to face. Love letters made easy :)

-b

p.s. I'm on vacation after today! I'll still post my Random Thoughts Thursday thoughts for tomorrow, I just won't be able to read yours and chime in. But please, keep the party going in my absence. I may even have some guest bloggers to keep you entertained on Friday and Tuesday. Have a FABULOUS holiday weekend and be safe! It's the unofficial start of summer! Woo-Hoo!

Happy Fantabulous Tuesday!!

So I'm feeling a little better today - not 100%, but I'm getting there. In my staff meeting this morning, I told everyone that if they need anything they'd better tell me today, cuz tomorrow at 5:30pm I'm out. No, I won't be staying late. No, I won't be checking voicemail. No, I won't have my blackberry on. I'm leaving at 5:30 to go to a screening of Terminator Salvation, and they're having a reception before the screening complete with refreshments. My vacation will officially begin when I walk out that door...and they'll just have to deal without me. They all kinda looked at me like I had three heads, but oh well! It felt so GOOD!!!

Okay, onto the topic at hand. I'm not sure how many of you have read about Iman's comments in the May 17th issue of Parade Magazine, but this is what she said:

"Mrs. Obama is not a great beauty. But she is so interesting looking and so bright. That will always take you further. When you're a great beauty, it's always downhill for you. If you're someone like Mrs. Obama, you just get better with age."

Hmmm....???

Now, only Iman knows what she meant by that comment - but what do you think? Backhanded compliment? I'm not going to speculate. I'm sure she meant nothing by it.... :-/

However, what I WILL say is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who might be considered a "great beauty" to Iman may not be all that beautiful to me...or you. Personally, I think Michelle Obama is stunning. Not "interesting looking"...but simply stunning.



What I will agree with in Iman's statement is that the First Lady is definitely bright and that she gets better with age. You get a sense that she knows EXACTLY who she is, and that's attractive. So many of us are trying to live up to some image we see in magazines. Everyday we are surrounded by messages that tell us if we lose "x" amount of weight, we'll be prettier, or that if we "fix" this one thing about ourselves, we'll be "beautiful." We're rarely told to reflect on our spirit, to nurture our intellect or to define our personalities. The challenge comes in letting go of our limited views of ourselves and trust that we are beautiful simply because we were created in the likeness of God. We are ALL "great beauties" through God's love. All of us.



It seems as if Mrs. Obama got that message loud and clear - she emanates beauty from within. Her spirit beams, her intellect blinds us, and what makes her beautiful isn't just limited to her wonderful fashion sense and amazing biceps. The beauty we see in her speaks to the woman she is, brought about my a great mind, a powerful presence and a knowledge that she is enough. Her eyes are opened. In her face, we see the unique feature of a woman who embodies a generous spirit that gives simply because it is in her nature. We gaze at her glory, and find ourselves in awe of her. Her beauty transcends the physical, and we shouldn't discriminate between what is beautiful and what is not with her - her beauty is infinite because she's gorgeous from the inside out - she radiates like the sun. No wonder Barack loves her!



"Great beauties" aren't something that we determine. God created us in His image, and once we tap into the beauty that is God, a veil is lifted, and true beauty shines forth illuminating everything around us. Mrs. Obama has that light. We should all seek it, and then share it. There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle...or the be the mirror that receives it.

-b

Happy Monday!

I'm fighting this cold but it's fighting me back! I just need to take it easy. The next 3 days are gonna be hectic for me work-wise. No one does my job while I'm out, so that means I'm gonna be stressed til I get on the plane Thursday morning. All of this stress is probably how I got sick in the first place - well, that and taking kisses from a snotty nosed nephew. I feel like I've been busy for 6 months straight with no end in sight. If it wasn't for the fact that I won't get a signal in DR, I'd probably be browsing my blackberry while I sit by the pool. Crazy right!?

It's a shame that we have to force ourselves to de-stress and take a break. I wish this was something that came naturally to me, but it doesn't. I had to really talk myself into taking a vacation - well, Pretty Ricky helped convince me too! I push myself til there's nothing left; my resistance is down, defenses immune to colds and I keep going anyway for fear that someone will say I let something fall through the cracks. I wish I had the mindset that the work will be there tomorrow and that I can't do EVERYTHING. Easier said than done, especially when I'm pretty much a one woman show.

Oddly enough, people who have higher titles and make WAY more money than I do don't seem to stress as much. Why is that? Sometimes I wonder if all this stress is self-imposed or if I really do have that much responsibility. I don't really have the luxury of not taking a call or responding to an email. If something gets left undone or I make a mistake, I can't hide from it or blame someone else. I guess that's why I stay late and take my work home with me. I wish I could say it was a time management problem, but there never seem to be enough hours in the day - mainly because TV never goes off and I have no one to delegate to. I'm sure I could be doing something better, but what??

This is my challenge. While I'm sitting on a nice, warm beach sipping on fruity drinks, I'm going to re-connect with myself and relax, relate and release! I'm going to re-evaluate what it is I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong with regard to managing my time and my stress better. I want to come back re-dedicated and re-focused so that I won't be burnt out until my next vacation. And I'm going to make sure I take MORE vacations! I'm going save time for myself and realize that I don't have to be Superwoman ALL THE TIME! The world will still turn without me....won't it? ;)

Does anyone else feel that way? I know my friends who are wives and mothers are laughing at me right now with all the work and stress that they face on a daily basis. I'm sure my workload doesn't even compare, but stress is stress - no matter what causes it. What do you all do to de-stress and relax?

We all say we want love, peace and happiness - but what are we doing to get it? That's something for me to think about as I bask in a tropical paradise while God pours a sunset across my shoulders. Ahhh...can't wait!

u Want 2 live
2 busy 2 breathe
u Want 2 give
2 busy 2 receive
u Want 2 have faith
2 busy 2 believe
u Want nothing but the truth
2 busy 2 be deceived
u Want 2 feel no pain
2 busy 2 be relieved
u Want 2 found
2 busy 2 hide
u Want sunny skies
2 busy 2 let the storm subside
u Want attention
2 busy 2 be ignored
u Want a brighter future
2 busy 2 holding on to the past
u Want it 2 never end
2 busy 2 make it last
u Want 2 be remembered
2 busy 2 be missed
u Want 2 have a long life
2 busy 2 live what’s left
u Want 2 cause me no problems
2 busy 2 be my only solution
u Want 2 smile more often
2 busy 2 be amused
u Want 2 be optimistic
2 busy 2 enjoy the simple pleasures
u Want the hurt 2 go away
Are u
2 busy 2 be loved?

-b

TGIF!!!

So, I caught a cold. I always catch one right before I go on vacation, never fails. I'm gonna fight it and beat it and be well just in time for my trip...mind over matter!

So last night I was browsing through the latest issue of Essence Magazine - the one with the beautiful Jennifer Hudson on the cover. In it, there's an article titled "The Body Shop" that details the lengths women go to to get a man, or please the one they have. It speaks of body image issues, video vixen models with phat booties, male fantasies and pole dancing. It's about the "growing pursuit of sexual perfection."

One section of the article is headlined: "If I were better in bed..." Here is an excerpt:

Carmen Brown showed up for the seminar about sex after a boyfriend told her, "Your head game is not at all up to par." If you think her man had unusually high expectations, think again. We polled twenty-and thirtysomething Black men to see what they were expecting in the bedroom and heard similar responses. Aaron, a 31-year-old computer programmer, wants a woman to brush up on her bedroom skills before hitting the sheets with him too. "She can study a couple of pornography films on her own and try to learn some skills via imitation," he suggests. Maxwell, a 33-year-old entertainment executive, expressed outrage at the idea of a woman performing oral sex poorly or not at all. "A woman should be committed to the act," he asserted. "That's the only way she's going from wifey to wife."

Wow...okay...

So that got me to thinking - if your man or woman wanted to send you to a Sex Performance School, would you go? If your boo wasn't all that great in bed, would you send them to a seminar to learn the ropes? Even if it meant they'd be "practicing" with someone else? hmmm...

We'd all like to think that our game is tight when it comes to sex, but if you had to really think about it, are there any areas you could use improvement?

For example, I'm not much of a "dirty talker." I make noise...I can definitely be LOUD...but I don't really "talk." And my phone sex skills might be a little rusty too. I've heard I have a nice voice, but I'm no Girl 6. I feel like the man has to really bring it out of me in order for me to go there. I usually feel silly if a sex call is initiated by someone else. If you catch me off guard, I start to giggle. I'm just not an erotic chatterbox. I always think of phone sex as limited to those who are in long distance relationships or who are celibate and that's how they release. But it shouldn't be limited to those extreme circumstances. Phone sex should be spontaneous and fun, not a daunting task or obligation. Now if I could only find someone to practice with :)

The last time I engaged in a little dirty talk, I was laying on my couch in kitty kat pajamas and fuzzy slippers with a scarf on my head. But in his mind, I was laying on the bed with satin sheets and nothing on but stilettos :) I think the fuzzy slippers were a little too comfy, and that's probably why I might not have been that into it or good at it that night :) So, I decided to take some initiative and think of ways I could improve my dirty talk skills if the occasion for me to use them ever...uh..."arises" ;) Here we go...

1. Set the mood - If he calls out the blue, then you might not have time to yank the curlers out of your hair and spray perfume on your body. But if you're planning a sex talk session, then set the mood by taking a nice, long hot bath. Oil yourself down and light some candles. Dim the lights and pick up the phone. It's probably easier to talk sexy when you feel sexy.

2. Make sure you're descriptive - I find that men like to know how turned on you are: hot, horny, hard nipples, body aching, heart beating between your legs, throbbing, etc. If you're not really feeling it, grab BOB out the nightstand drawer and GET TURNED ON. He might even like hearing the "bzzzzz" in the background (unless it's Annamaria's taser)...but you can always use it BEFORE you call if you feel self conscious about it :) If you have porn, even better! Put it on and watch it while you're talking to him and describe what you see.

3. Tell him exactly what he wants to hear - lie, lie and lie! He'll lap it up. If you don't feel like setting the mood, let him at least think you did...they'll never know ;-) Ask questions to see what state he's in and ask him what he wants. "Do you wanna squeeze my ________ Big Daddy?" - make him answer you...between grunts and moans that is :) LOL

4. If you find talking about licking difficult, imagine licking a chocolate ice cream and describe it. Use props if you have to...and your imagination. Close your eyes and let your mind go there.

5. Speak clearly, but seductively - say the world's filthiest words with the emphasis on the end; 'k' and 'c' noises are evocative.

6. Never forget it's the man's state of arousal you are with, not the man. In other words, when he's excited, make him believe only you have the power to satisfy him and his desires. Make him your bitch...in a good way :) LOL!!

7. Pay attention to him - if his breathing starts to stagger, and you hear these weird sounds going over there, keep going! Step it up, join in, climax with him! Get as excited as he is..and...wait for it...wait for it...."UGGGHHH!!!" Such a rewarding feeling :-) LOL!

I'm gonna stop here so you all can add to my list (and before I get all tingly at work) LOL. I need all the help I can get, so men, feel free to chime in. I'm willing to learn!

Have a great weekend everyone!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

While I could sit and list a bunch of random thoughts I've had during the week leading up to today, I want to fill this space rallying behind one of my dear friends, and loyal blog commenter's cause. You all know her as momo925 - but to me, she is Monica Gonzalez!



This is the email she shared with friends and colleagues last week:

If you are receiving this email, it is because you are either a friend of mine, a co-worker, or both. I am PROUD to let you all know that I am raising funds for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) as a participant in their Team In Training program. I'm asking you to help by making a donation to my fundraising campaign.

On September 27th, I will participate in The Westchester Triathlon! WOO HOO! Can you tell that I am SUPER EXCITED?!! This endurance event will include a .9 mile swim, a 26 mile cycling portion and 6.5 mile run. Pray for me! lol I feel like this will be one of the most meaningful and challenging things that I will do in my lifetime, and I know that with your help and support, I will SUCCEED!!

Please use the link in this email to donate online quickly and securely - plus learn more about my progress! You will receive a confirmation of your donation by email and I will be notified as soon as you make your donation.

If you prefer not to donate online, please feel free to donate by giving me a check or money order (payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.) OR you can make a cash contribution directly to me, which I will forward on your behalf to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Each donation helps accelerate finding a cure for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma. More than 823,000 Americans are battling these blood cancers. I am hoping that my participation in Team In Training will help bring them hope and support. No amount is too small because every little bit counts.

On behalf of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, thank you very much for your support. I greatly appreciate your generosity.

P.S. I would appreciate it if you would forward this email to as many people as you can to encourage them to donate as well.

Thanks again,
Monica

How awesome is she!!??

Monica isn't participating in this triathlon as the result of a personal tragedy or emotional crisis. She's simply giving of herself and her time to help make someone else's life a little better. While this is a journey to help save lives, I can only imagine that it would serve as a spiritual journey for her as well.

A triathlon would seem like a daunting task to many of us, but Monica is definitely up to the challenge. She has all of the tools she needs to use her gifts creatively to help someone else. Having that sort of awareness of the power we share is our Divine inheritance - it helps us to lead a more meaningful life. Without this awareness, life would have no purpose.

We sometimes take our health - our very lives - for granted. It's easy to take up a cause when we or someone we know is directly affected. Actually, even then it's not so easy. But the real challenge essential to our growth and development is calling on our spirit every day to see where there is an opportunity to learn, grow and serve. In setting this goal for herself, Monica is setting a new course for optimism, a new opportunity for self-evaluation and an exercise in faith. While raising money for a worthy cause, she will also challenge her mind to focus, her body to train and her spirit to do God's work. Monica is drawing on her personal resources - and us - to help her complete a life-transforming goal. Let's not let her down.

There's a saying that "there is no end to what a living world will demand of you." I'd also like to add that there's no end to what a living God will demand of you. To whom much is given, much is required. Like she said, every little bit counts - so let's help as much as we can as we join Monica in racing to save lives.

-b

p.s. It's still Random Thoughts Thursday..so GO!

Happy Hump Day!

It's the middle of the week and I can't think of anything but the weekend. I'm counting down the days until my vacation, and Pretty Ricky has already promised to get me drunk the minute I step off the plane in the Dominican Republic :) Now, I'm not much of a drinker, but some Mamajuanas sound real good right about now. I don't even know what that is, but he keeps writing me about them so I'm gonna drink it :-) I want the hot sun on my face, sand between my toes, tanned skin and no worries.

The first thing I'm going to do in preparation for my vacation is get my hair braided on Saturday. The last thing I want to worry about as I splash around in the ocean is my hair - so braids it is. I'll just have to remember to pack a lunch and bring a good book, cuz I'll be sitting there all day getting my tender headed scalp yanked. Yes, a long, painful ordeal...but hey...the things we do for convenience.

I don't have any hair on my legs, so there's no need to shave them. But I will make sure my underarms are smooth and my eyebrows are waxed and plucked. I'll save the mani/pedi for next Wednesday before I go so my nails will be nice and shiny :)

But there's the issue of the bikini line. Normally I Nair it. No shaving for me - it itches as it grows back - and scratching around in that area is not a good look. But Miss Kitty is always well kept. I was toying around with the idea of getting a Brazilian Wax. I've never had that done before. I've always kinda done it on my own - MY way. But I was seriously considering it until I pondered - "do I really want hot wax around Miss Kitty?"

Not only do I NOT want hot wax around my Sunshine, I don't want body hair ripped out from the root around my womanly space either! OUCH! Is it really that deep? This would be me:



I mean, I know it'll probably be as smooth as a baby's bottom and the hair won't grow back for weeks. There will be no razor bumps or chemical burns. But do I really want to yank pubic hair from my body? I think I may pass on that - last thing I need is to suffer the consequences of a bikini wax gone wrong and I'm all red and swollen on my precious vacation. Nah son...not me.

I bring all this up to say that women do some rather insane things to achieve modern standards of beauty. We wear shoes that cripple our feet. We strap on bras that dig into our chest and shoulders and push our breasts up to our chins. We slide on pantyhose to firm our stomachs and slim our thighs, wear makeup to hide our imperfections, and dye our hair to diminish our grays. And we have this strange habit of yanking out body hair from the follicle - be it our eyebrows, underarms, legs, or pubic hair.

Yes, I do have a point here (besides making the men all skeeved out). Women tend to do all this in the name of beauty, but at the same time, we don't want to be defined by it. We want men to love us for our brains or our personality, but we go get plucked, polished, shaved and waxed so that we can be "beautiful." Are we being hypocritical? Let's face it - we wouldn't be doing this crap to our bodies if it weren't for men. We'd be some fat, hairy bitches..right? Right.

Now you can say, "I do it for me, to feel good about myself" all you want, but we both know that's a damn lie. No woman is going to subject herself to self-mutilation if it wasn't for men. No woman. Okay, maybe the mani/pedi is nice to look at or we don't want eyebrows that crawl across our foreheads - I'll give you that. But come on...a bikini wax? Hot Wax on Miss Kitty? No...HELL no.

So tell me, what is the strangest, most insane thing you've done in the name of beauty? Men, you can answer this too. I know a few who have gotten their backs waxed, or who shave their chest hair. Men get mani/pedi's too ya know.



Have any of you ever had a beauty procedure go REALLY wrong and wound up looking like a crazy person, or rushed to the emergency room?

Do you think we go too far in the name of "beauty?"

Lemme hear it!

-b

Happy Fantabulous Tuesday!

So this past Saturday, a girlfriend of mine, her fiance and I were sitting out on their deck enjoying the warm breeze watching the kiddies play. We were talking about my blog, pics of my Godson that her fiance sends me, general chit chat, etc. I tell her that sometimes I don't get a chance to look at the photos or jokes that they forward until the end of the day because work has me so busy. Out of nowhere she says, "If you didn't work so much, you'd have a man."

...uh...okay...???

I know she meant well, and I didn't take offense. I didn't really even think about what she said until I was driving back home to NY Sunday night thinking about my workload for the next day. I DO work long hours, mostly 10 hour days. But if I left work at 6 pm everyday, what would I really be doing? It's not like I'm turning down dates and beating the men off with a stick because I have a late meeting or phone calls to return at work. No men are sitting on my doorstep waiting for me to get home. If I wasn't at work, I'd be at the gym, on my couch watching tv or on my computer blogging or Facebooking. It's as simple as that.

I know my clock is ticking and that I'm not getting any younger. I'm no closer to finding Mr. Right than I was the first time I celebrated my 30th birthday, let alone the 6th anniversary of it :) I might as well snatch up stock in Energizer or Duracell at this point...that's right, I said it. Not ashamed of it either! I have plenty of guy friends who always ask why I'm single...even though they're single themselves and never asked me out. Or, if we DID date, they say I'm the one that got away...even though I never really went anywhere. I'm standing right here! Oh that's right, you're a moron.

I kid...kinda... :-)

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining or feeling sorry for myself. In fact, I don't think I worry about my "singlehood" as much as other people do. My friend's comment seemed to come out of left field since we weren't on the topic of relationships, and I surely wasn't complaining about my status. But what I find is that most people who care about me simply want me to be happy, and they think that if I had a man, I'd be happy...complete.

They tell me I'm a catch - a beautiful, intelligent woman that any man would be lucky to have. Well, guess what? I believe them! They run down my credentials like they're writing my cover letter: "you're single, attractive, intelligent, educated, a nice person, you can cook, you have all your teeth"...the list goes on. But here's the kicker. I'm not looking at my list of qualities everyday trying to be what I assume every man wants; I'm simply just being the woman that I am. I don't want to be someone's "checklist." Men don't belong on one either.

This is not all to say that I wouldn't welcome a genuine relationship. I think I thrive in relationships personally. But relationships are very hard work and they require both people to be complete, whole people in their own right. Until I feel like I'm completely there, I wouldn't be ready for Mr. Right even if he showed up with a ring professing his undying love for me. Hell, "Mr. Right Now" ain't even calling me back! LOL!!

If I met him right now, I wouldn't want to try to convince him of how great I am. That's a turn-off, and I hate when men try to convince me that they're some sort of commodity. I want to simply be that person. No two people who are meant to be together will have to convince each other of how great the other one is. They'll simply be two great people who've found each other. So until we discover each other, I'll re-discover myself.

Right now, I'm working on all the things that bring meaning to my life, things that I want people to remember me for. I'm going to assume that I will never meet Mr. Right, and that my life has to be about something of value outside of wanting a husband or children. I'm unencumbered by husband or child, so I have nothing but time to cross things off my to-do list of things that matter to me most. That list is made up of things I've always wanted to learn or try to do, places I want to visit. Now, the tough part is actually DOING them!

You know what's funny? If I'm trying to do all of the things on my to-do list, I won't have time for a man. How funny is that? Instead of me looking for one, he'd have to try to keep up with me. If I work my list, I'd have no time for him. I'd be putting him off, telling him I'm gonna call him back, making him wait :) And he'd keep pursuing me. Men are funny that way...they love the chase :)

Okay, maybe not ALL men, but you know what I mean. My point is, I'm not slowing down so I can find a man. I'm not leaving work early so I can go home and wait for my Prince Charming to knock on my door. That just ain't gonna happen. I'm gonna keep busy trying to find me. When you find you, it won't matter any more if there is a man that managed to keep up or not, one that managed to find you or not. Like my friend Denise always says, I have everything I need and all the love my heart and hand can hold. When I go discover myself, I'll love what I find along the way :-)

-b

Happy Monday!

So, listening to the radio this morning, Big Boy in the morning said that allegedly there are nude pics of Rihanna circulating around. I can see why Cassie would leak her photos, but Ri-Ri? Interesting. I guess it's the thing to do if you're dropping a cd, even though naked pics don't necessarily translate into units sold...but hey, worth a try right?

It seems that when celebrities' careers are a bit stagnant, or when they have a project coming out, or they simply want to be seen, they leak a sex tape or some nude photos. I think they keep a few on hand just in case of emergency. I'm not saying ALL celebrities, because for some, it could actually HURT their career. But I'm sure their agents have encouraged them to at least think about it.

Now, if I'm a celebrity and I don't want any sex tapes or nude pics to get out, guess what?....I simply don't make any. Simple as that.

But what about us normal, regular, everyday folk? No one is gonna care about our naked pics right? Just me and my boo are going to watch the sex tape, right?

In the day of Facebook, Myspace, and especially YouTube, I'd be a little leery about producing ANY of those things. That's some SERIOUS trust we're talking here. But for some folks, sites like those are EXACTLY why they take nude photos of themselves or make sex tapes. The exhibitionist LIVES for this type of thing.

Some people thrive on it. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about:

Woman: "So, what are you doing?"

Man: "Thinking about you."

Woman: "Oh yeah, what're you thinking?"

Man: "I can show you better than I can tell you."

Woman: "....okay....???"

(incoming media message on cell - woman is now staring at a pic of a fully erect penis, along with hairy legs, feet and funny looking tile - taken from the point of view of a man looking down with his camera phone standing in the shower)

Woman: "...uh...wow...nice (or, in some cases, "is it erect?")"

Man: "...see what you do to me girl"

LOL!!

Don't act like that's only happened to me! I know some of you ladies have full dick galleries in your phone...stop frontin!

Ahem....Anyway...

Some of us love taking sexy pics. You can be as free as you want to expose as much of yourself as you want - making your webcam, internet or cell phone an ideal fantasy playground where anybody can launch naked signal flares into the digital sky to announce: “look at me baby, I'm smokin' hot!” There are dozens of ways to use digital media to expose yourself, ranging from the mild to the X-rated. Sex blogs are populated with folks posing naked, spread eagle, pants down, nipples perky and asses out. Our very own personal porn.

and for the last time...NO Rameer...I did NOT webcam the homies. Ever!

And it's not just the creepy guys you see on Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" or some oversexed teenagers who are internet or digital exhibitionists. Oh no! It's the housewife and mother next door, the medical professional, the church-goer, the MBA student, the community activist. It could be anybody. And they don't look like body builders or centerfold models. They're your average, everyday people who simply want to feel sexy.

For some, taking nude photos or making sex tapes is about sexual freedom. It's a way to express yourself. If you choose to share them, it could simply be that you want to trade flicks with someone you love or someone who you think may appreciate them. It could be a self esteem booster, or it could be your way of letting the other person know what you're working with or the response they illicit in you. If you're shy, then taking nude pics is a way of enacting a fantasy that you may not be able to do face-to-face. Some people just like to be freaky...no right or wrong reason for doing it.

As long as the grown folks who are trading pics aren't sending them to minors, or involving animals, or don't involve some crime being committed... then hey, more power to you. But be careful. If you care if your boss, or your mother or your children will see these photos somewhere someday, then don't take them. Just because you're all in love now doesn't mean that taking nude photos or making sex tapes is a great idea if you don't completely trust the person who may take hold and keep that media. All it takes is for one "f*ck you too!" for someone to get mad and put your ass on blast...literally! If you DO take pics, make sure your face, tattoos or any other discernible feature isn't in the shot to identify you. That way you can DENY, DENY, DENY! LOL!

If you'd be embarrassed if the shots or tape got out, don't do it. If you plan on being the next Oprah, don't do it. If you don't feel comfortable doing it and someone is pressuring you to send a naked shot or make a tape, don't do it.

But if you're trying to go platinum the first week your cd drops and your body is tight...then hey, see what happens!

But if you can't sing...it probably won't work...jus sayin ;-)

What celebrity (or non-celebrity) would you want to see naked?

-b

TGIF!!!

Since I don't blog on weekends, and Sunday is Mother's Day, I thought I'd dedicate my blog today to my favorite mothers! I'm not talking about Claire Huxtable or Michelle Obama (even though she's awesome), but my dear friends who amaze me with their love, strength, patience and devotion everyday. Mothers mark some of the most precious moments of our childhood. They take care of us when we're sick, wipe our noses, kiss our boo-boos and hold our hands when we make mistakes or take wrong turns. They keep us safe, yet know when to let us go. She knows everything about us - our joys, sorrows, failures and triumphs. A mother's love is unconditional, undying, and unwavering. A mother's love is Divine.

I pay tribute to all mothers around the world - and through my favorite pics, I'll begin with...

Annamaria




Now I know what some of you may be saying, "She's not a mother...yet." But as step-mom to two beautiful children, she couldn't love them more than if she had birthed them herself. It takes a special woman to love someone else's children, and her love comes easily. And although her biological child hasn't been born yet, Annamaria is definitely a mother. She feels her daughter's heartbeat. Her blood runs through her veins. She is in rhythm with her movements, breathes as she breathes. They are one. She is already a mother, and I'm sure Annamaria will continue to guide her daughter through every movement in life, step by step. Happy First Mother's Day Annamaria!

Dana



Dana is my dear friend and my Godson Lee's mother. She is one of the most devoted mothers I know who extends herself naturally to give Lee the best of her very being. She brings peace and balance to his life, and I can see her influence in everything he does.



He's an amazing child - the perfect gift any mother could ask for. Her strong mind, and even stronger heart, is nurturing and guiding a special child who is going to be a force to be reckoned with in this world. She is amazing! Happy Mother's Day Dana!

Valerie

I've known Val since 1991, day one of our freshman year of college. She quickly became my best friend, my roommate and my sister. At 18 years old, you couldn't have told me that Val would be a stay-at-home mother. After all, she's driven, ambitious and is a successful lawyer who walks to the beat of her own drum. But 4 years ago, Val became mommy to Michael - born on her birthday.



Two years later - again...on her birthday - she gave birth to Luca..her second son.



Now, expecting her third son (this one gets his own birthday), Val is one of the most tireless, giving, loving mothers I know.



Although she stays busy with play-dates, soccer practice and trips to the library, Val stays fabulous! I've always thought Val was stunning, inside and out, and she continues to radiate as a mother. She knows how to take care of herself so that she has the very best of herself to give to her family. Striking that balance isn't easy, but she manages to do it all in great fashion...literally :) She is a positive force in her children's lives, and her sons are nothing short of geniuses. She's awesome! Happy Mother's Day Val!!

Denise



If you want to see God's presence in a person, you need not look any further than Denise. As my other best friend, I stand in awe of her. She found out she was expecting her third child the day after she buried her husband - her soul mate.



Challenges, pain, adversity, life's seasons - they all reveal us to our deeper self, the self we know in God. Rather than view her loss as an unjust universe or an uncaring God, she garnered strength from her family, friends and FAITH to become an even more amazing mother.



Even though her life has been transformed, she remains a compassionate survivor and a spiritual resource for her children...and for me. Her children thrive through her love, faith and guidance as well as Kevin's angelic spirit. She has Divine Power, and she honors it everyday as a mother, a friend and as a child of God. Having her in my life is a privilege because I feel that by embracing her as my friend, I am closer to God. Happy Mother's Day Denise!

Nicole

My sister. I remember when she was pregnant with Kyce.



She was in love with him from the moment of conception...and that love has only grown.



Ibrahim came 2 and a half years later. He was a surprise - not planned. She found out she was pregnant with him on Valentine's Day...a precious gift.



She's my younger sister, and for so long that's all I could see her as. But now, she's a mother first...a role she was meant to play. As my younger sister, she is someone I look up to. Not just as a mother, but as a person who gives of herself effortlessly.



Her soul runs as deep as the deepest oceans, her spirit expands without limit, her heart bursts with love. She is the master love giver, hand holder and truth teller. She can hand down discipline and give the best hugs all in one motion. She runs her house with her heart, and her love knows no bounds. I admire the mother she is and the woman she's become. If I ever become HALF the mother that she is, my child will be blessed for it. Kyce and Ibrahim are blessed to have come through her. She is so special, and I love you Nicole - Happy Mother's Day!

MY MOTHER!



Lastly, but most certainly not least, I have to give honor to the woman who gave me life. The ultimate reality is if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here. She carried me, breathed for me, birthed me, raised me and most importantly - loved me....unconditionally, my entire life. She encouraged me. She told me I could do anything. She gave me wings. She allowed me to fly. She caught me when I fell. She told me to get back up. She listens to me. She worries about me. She cheers me on. She prays for me. She is my other self. She has made me into the woman I am today.



Now, as a grandmother, she receives the highest reward of looking at the fruit of her labor. They love "Nana" simply because she exists. They run and jump into her arms...and it just doesn't get any better than that. They find shelter in the same love that sheltered us growing up, and to see the love she gives to them in all it's glory magnifies my love and respect for her. She is my mother, and I feel so loved, blessed and highly favored that God created her just for us. I love you mommy! Happy Mother's Day!

If you are a mother reading this, have a wonderful, blessed Mother's Day. Tell your mother(s) you love them on Sunday and let them know how appreciated they are every day!

Have a great weekend!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

Let's get right to it shall we?

- I'm feeling Maxwell's new song...HOT! Glad he's back!



- I've been wanting Doritos for the past couple weeks, but I've resisted.

- I really need to get my knees operated on. It's affecting my workouts.

- I'm going to braid my hair for DR, which is just as well considering I can't get it to do a damn thing lately. It definitely hasn't been bouncin' and behavin'!

- My free premium channels are going to expire soon :(

- All this rain is really getting on my damn nerves.

- I'm still in need of a really good kiss...I think that'll make me feel good :)

- I read a Yahoo article that said men consider kissing more intimate than sex - very interesting! Is that why no one offered to give me a good kiss? :)

- I need to drink more water.

- ...and eat more fruit.

- Still haven't seen The Soloist or Wolverine...but I have screening passes for Tom Hanks' new movie. Need to handle that.

- Someone please remind me to pay my student loan :-)

Go!

Happy Hump Day!



Unicorns, Mermaids, Platonic Friends - do they really exist?

Sure they do...in our own little make-believe world they do :)

Okay, okay...let me tone down my sarcasm, but I know most of us have asked whether or not a man and woman (both heterosexual-reasonably attractive-around the same age- living within 50 miles of each other) can just be friends. Some say no, so let's break down the reasons why...

We've see it happen - boy approaches girl, and girl is charmed by his subtly (effeminate masculinity) non-threateningly, secure heterosexuality. He speaks proper English, notices when you have on new earrings, and watches all your favorite shows (Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy and any other show a man with machismo would never admit to watching). Boy and girl exchange numbers, and after about a month of meeting at Barnes & Noble and shopping at the mall, they become...friends. Not lovers. Not even the awkward “friends with benefits” - simply friends. Boy and girl are each other's permanent back-up weekend companions - and you never, eva, EVA cross that line. EVER!

So yeah, like mermaids and unicorns, we're aware that the likelihood that two (available, like-aged, opposite sexed, (hetero)sexual) people who are strictly platonic friends ACTUALLY EXISTS is...well...ridiculous. Right? Let's explore the reasons:

1. Unless you meet online (or maybe in college), men and women don’t usually actively seek friends of the opposite sex. I've always had male friends - I even prefer them. But I've never become just friends with an available, heterosexual male that I find attractive just because. The majority of my male friends are married or unavailable or gay, or are co-workers who I don't find attractive. Simple as that.

2. If given the opportunity, most men (not all, but a good number) who aren’t in a committed and monogamous romantic relationship will sleep with pretty much any reasonably attractive woman. Yes. ANY. And if you're already friends, even better! They may not actively want to, but, in the right situation, they happily would. The fact they they “would” kinda contradicts the whole "platonic" thing. :-) Maybe not completely contradicts it, but you get the idea.

Ladies, I know what you're thinking - because I thought the same thing:

“Well, what if the guy harbors absolutely no physical attraction at all towards the woman?? They can be platonic friends, right?“

Wrong! why? because...

3. No unattached man is going to willingly spend a good amount of his free time with a woman he is completely unattracted to, Never. Especially when you consider that...

4. (Most) women aren’t equipped to handle regular contact with a guy who finds her completely unattractive and she's aware of it. Now, this isn't coming from me - a man I know told me not to argue this. He said it’s science :-) Debatable, but something to think about...besides....

5. ...even if you claim to be in the 0.1 percent of people where there’s absolutely no romantic or sexual feelings harbored by either side in your platonic relationship, you have to figure in the law of averages and percentages. Basically, if you spend more than 20% of your free time with someone of the opposite sex willingly, there’s at least a 50% chance that at least one of you will develop sexual feelings...or already has developed them but fears that they would be unrequited. The higher the percentage of free time, the higher the chance. If you spend anywhere over 40 percent of your free time with a platonic friend, then there’s anywhere from a 100 to 250 percent chance that someone wants to bed somebody. Again, don't argue. Its science.

Since I’ve already established that we don’t actively seek opposite sex friends while we’re single, the only way two people can become truly platonic friends would be if they happened to first meet each other while already in a relationship, which is kinda hard to do considering...

6. No man or woman is going to be okay with their significant other making new, close friends of the opposite sex. You know this. Bring up your new, opposite sex friend's name more than once and your partner will be looking at you sideways like "who the hell is this chick/dude you're always talking about/talking to?" Sure, you can talk about your new, gay BFF all day long, cuz they're not a threat. But if you keep your new opposite sex friend a secret cuz your partner would flip if he knew you were IMing, texting, calling, secretly dreaming about him, then there's nothing platonic about it - you just can't do anything about it...at the moment. Well, without getting caught that is ;)

Now, I know you all think that this is a jaded view of platonic friendship. And I'm sure cases of platonic friendships exist...somewhere. :-) All I know is that out of my experiences, and those of my close friends, we've all tried (at least once) to have the very close, strictly platonic friend thing - only for someone to catch feelings, flirt, have one night of drinking or crying on a shoulder, resulting in some very...uh...“unplatonic” things happening. But hey, that's just me. Not saying platonic friends don't exist, but then again, when was the last time you saw a unicorn? ;-)

-b

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

And Happy TMI Tuesday!

I'm going to apologize in advance if my blog is all over the place. I'm a little loopy from lack of good sleep and giving blood this morning. I always feel good after I give blood though - I may potentially save three lives with my donation today. So if the sight of needles doesn't make you dizzy, contact your local American Red Cross to find out how you can donate and possibly save a life.

That was my good deed for the day...now onto the topic at hand.

Since it's TMI Tuesday, I thought I'd share a lil somethin' with you guys. I have wet dreams. There, I said it. Not often, but I do. I dream so vividly that, well...let's just say I don't need any manual stimulation to...uh...release :-) It's all in my head, my subconscious self.

Yeah, I know right...TMI? Oh well.

But if I'm sexually deprived, frustrated, or even overstimulated - sex is no longer my subconscience - it's my SUPER conscience. As a very sexual being, I find that once I try to suppress my libido, or not give into it, my creative mind takes over and an element in me loses control over all my mental powers - my mind becomes a playground :)

Without provocation, erotics dreams take center stage. It has caused me to wake up to wet sheets and sticky thighs, heart pounding, mind racing and the cat looking at me like I'm an alien :-) I dream in full Technicolor and Dolby surround sound. No detail is fuzzy, and the sexual desires that I own are so natural to me that they're deeply embedded in my psyche, and it's like my dreams give way to a cleansing process.

Now, of course you all don't need to hear the very intimate details first-hand of my wet dream experiences, but I wonder what is the exact nature of the relationship between the so-called most base and the highest drive in human beings and our subconscious minds. There is definitely a link. We are bombarded with sexual content from print and advertisement media, TV , the Net - all over, which all can make people wonder that there must be more to it than we're getting. In this culture, I wonder if this constant reminder of sex makes us feel more unfulfilled than we actually are, or if the constant bombardment of super sex is a reflection of our natural selves. After all, sex is a very powerful drive. Can we ever get enough? Is there such a thing?

For me, it is, at times, an overpowering force that could rise out of nowhere and completely capture my attention. I can't and won't deny it, and it's always a mistake to underestimate its overwhelming power to create a delusion that the sexual instinct doesn't exist. But, as most women do, I long to have a romantic attachment to it. For most women, sex usually means bearing the emotional intensity and personal focus that goes along with it; and while the physical yearning is being addressed, the romantic impulse is usually left unfulfilled.

Knowing this, I try to suppress it, and I think my urges become an annoying distraction since there is no special union to share them with. So my dreams give way and I'm able to conserve the sexual energy that I would have spent on a non-fulfilling, non-romantical (I was looking for a reason to use Pretty Ricky's word) encounter.

Hey, not saying that everyone should suppress their urges...not saying that at all, do you! But for me, if there's no outlet, this is simply what happens to ME.

Now, all of this may sound like a scientific way of looking at wet dreams, but there are religions that speak to conserving sexual energy, sex and spirituality, sex and philosophy as well as modern medicine. Some find it fascinating that I can have the type of dreams where I feel everything, even if I'm not being touched; that my mind is so strong that it actually "liberates" me of any feelings of lust or cravings.

But I think it's something that we ALL can do, if we tap into it. While I don't think it's a special talent, I do think it should be celebrated. Chaturvedi Badrinath, an Indian journalist who specializes in spiritual/religious writing says, "sex can be transmuted into the highest form of spiritual energy. That can be done neither by confining sexuality within an arbitrary social order, nor by renouncing it, but by utmost submission to it. The cosmic energy stored in human sexuality can be released into human consciousness."

So there you have it. Nothing special. Nothing freaky. It all quite makes sense. I've given away the secret to my special talent :-) It's my brain's way of scratching an itch that simply needs to be scratched. Not subconscious, not super conscious, no higher, no lower - just is what it is. My wet dreams, de-mystified. Poof! done :)

-b

Happy dreary Monday everyone!

I could go right back to sleep y'all. I'm tired as hell. I was contemplating just asking a trivia question or try to find a guest blogger for today because I'm too tired to think. But as I was going through the motions trying to do some work and IMing in between, somehow a friend and I got on the topic of sex. He told me how he faked it one time cuz the girl was wack...and that woke me right up! I cracked up to myself because I tried to imagine him faking it..."UGGGHHHHHHHH" is what he said he did...and tears streamed down my face I laughed so hard :-)

But then I thought - how did she not know? I mean, I HOPE no guy has ever faked it with me...but could it really have happened and I was oblivious to it? How can a woman NOT know? Do any of you ever watch the CW's The Game? When my friend told me he faked it, I immediately thought of that show and Derwin faking a "that's what's up" :) Forward to 1:10.



So wow, men really fake it huh? I guess they can get tired of all that bumpin and grindin too, especially if they're doing all the work. Maybe he had a long day at work. Maybe he's sick. Maybe he's in a funky mood. It occurred to me that a man would fake an orgasm for all the same reasons a woman would - he either just wants to get it over with - or the sex is wack!

Now, while the idea of sex may never get old, the idea of actually doing it for hours on end might. So, men being men may have no problem having sex, or initiating sex - he just may not be as into it as she is. He might want to go through the motions and just not cum. Who knew???!!!

And, in the case of my friend, if the sex is wack, he may want to get it over with but not hurt her feelings. I know plenty of women who have told me that is the main reason they fake orgasms. Not because they were tired. Not because they had a headache. But because dude was wack! Same logic applies right?

Performance anxiety is something we typically associate with men. After all, it's hard for a woman to be "bad" in bed right? All she has to do is lay there...right?

WRONG!

Apparently a "dead fish" will make a man fake it in a heartbeat. But what else makes a woman bad in bed? Men - tell us, so we know what NOT to do. Women can give you a whole list of reasons why a man would be bad in bed - 2 minute brotha, too small, too big, too fast, not fast enough, breath stinks, you name it. But I'm curious to find out from a man what would make us so bad that you'd fake an orgasm.

My boy told me that he faked it complete with sound effects and everything. "OHH, OOH, UGGGH!!!" And the Oscar goes to...!

Every time I think of that I laugh - but if a dude is faking it with you, it's really not that funny now is it? Again I ask - how could a woman not know? I guess a man's best supporting actor would be the condom, cuz a man can just pretend he came in the Magnum, jump up and quickly dispose of it without us ever knowing. But don't you feel muscles contracting or something? Can a man fake that too? Or is it that we're so self-centered or happy that we think we pleased him that we're too busy to notice? Please brothas, break it down for me!

I don't even want to wonder if anyone has ever faked it with me. I hope not. But it seems maybe we women put too much pressure on the man to either not cum too soon, or not last too long. After all, marathon sex can be painful, tiresome or just plain time consuming. The condom dries up, friction makes you raw, your leg is cramping up, Lost is about to start, and hell, I gotta be at work in a few hours. And I'm saying these are his thoughts, not yours! LOL! Hey, apparently these things happen!

Women, admit it - the orgasm matters to us. If he doesn't cum, we'd wonder why he didn't and what we did, or DIDN'T do, that we didn't please him. If he knows this about us, that just may prompt him to fake it so we don't harass him about why he didn't cum. He may just want to stop cuz the game is starting and resume gettin busy later...who knows. Don't make yourself crazy or blame yourself - just as long as you don't suspect he's faking it over and over again, it's all good. And hey, if he's being nice enough to wait til you get yours - even better :-)

But women take note - if his normal cross-eyed, screw face that he makes every time he cums doesn't look quite right, like how he always does when you make his toes curl, then something may be off...especially if he says, "it's not always alot" or "this was a little one." He might just be fakin the spunk, I mean "funk" LOL :-)

-b