Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

It's the middle of the week and I can't think of anything but the weekend. I'm counting down the days until my vacation, and Pretty Ricky has already promised to get me drunk the minute I step off the plane in the Dominican Republic :) Now, I'm not much of a drinker, but some Mamajuanas sound real good right about now. I don't even know what that is, but he keeps writing me about them so I'm gonna drink it :-) I want the hot sun on my face, sand between my toes, tanned skin and no worries.

The first thing I'm going to do in preparation for my vacation is get my hair braided on Saturday. The last thing I want to worry about as I splash around in the ocean is my hair - so braids it is. I'll just have to remember to pack a lunch and bring a good book, cuz I'll be sitting there all day getting my tender headed scalp yanked. Yes, a long, painful ordeal...but hey...the things we do for convenience.

I don't have any hair on my legs, so there's no need to shave them. But I will make sure my underarms are smooth and my eyebrows are waxed and plucked. I'll save the mani/pedi for next Wednesday before I go so my nails will be nice and shiny :)

But there's the issue of the bikini line. Normally I Nair it. No shaving for me - it itches as it grows back - and scratching around in that area is not a good look. But Miss Kitty is always well kept. I was toying around with the idea of getting a Brazilian Wax. I've never had that done before. I've always kinda done it on my own - MY way. But I was seriously considering it until I pondered - "do I really want hot wax around Miss Kitty?"

Not only do I NOT want hot wax around my Sunshine, I don't want body hair ripped out from the root around my womanly space either! OUCH! Is it really that deep? This would be me:

I mean, I know it'll probably be as smooth as a baby's bottom and the hair won't grow back for weeks. There will be no razor bumps or chemical burns. But do I really want to yank pubic hair from my body? I think I may pass on that - last thing I need is to suffer the consequences of a bikini wax gone wrong and I'm all red and swollen on my precious vacation. Nah son...not me.

I bring all this up to say that women do some rather insane things to achieve modern standards of beauty. We wear shoes that cripple our feet. We strap on bras that dig into our chest and shoulders and push our breasts up to our chins. We slide on pantyhose to firm our stomachs and slim our thighs, wear makeup to hide our imperfections, and dye our hair to diminish our grays. And we have this strange habit of yanking out body hair from the follicle - be it our eyebrows, underarms, legs, or pubic hair.

Yes, I do have a point here (besides making the men all skeeved out). Women tend to do all this in the name of beauty, but at the same time, we don't want to be defined by it. We want men to love us for our brains or our personality, but we go get plucked, polished, shaved and waxed so that we can be "beautiful." Are we being hypocritical? Let's face it - we wouldn't be doing this crap to our bodies if it weren't for men. We'd be some fat, hairy bitches..right? Right.

Now you can say, "I do it for me, to feel good about myself" all you want, but we both know that's a damn lie. No woman is going to subject herself to self-mutilation if it wasn't for men. No woman. Okay, maybe the mani/pedi is nice to look at or we don't want eyebrows that crawl across our foreheads - I'll give you that. But come on...a bikini wax? Hot Wax on Miss Kitty? No...HELL no.

So tell me, what is the strangest, most insane thing you've done in the name of beauty? Men, you can answer this too. I know a few who have gotten their backs waxed, or who shave their chest hair. Men get mani/pedi's too ya know.

Have any of you ever had a beauty procedure go REALLY wrong and wound up looking like a crazy person, or rushed to the emergency room?

Do you think we go too far in the name of "beauty?"

Lemme hear it!



AH said...


AH said...

I cried the first time.....ok....not cry cry....but the tears did come. However, by the time I stepped up to the cashier to pay, pain was gone and the vacation was a dream. Now...would I ever do it again...HAYLE TO THE NO BOBBY! I do go....BUT not to that extreme. Nothing has ever gone wrong....but I have become more discriminating now that I am more aware of proper protocol or hygiene practices (or non practices) of various establishments. Do I do it in the name of beauty? Yup....sometimes Mother Nature needs assistance....for things I CAN control. But I moreso do it for convenience and comfort (as uncomfortable as it is in the beginning). I have no tolerance for pain, but will continue as long as I can dig up the funds (cuz now that I'm a spa snob when it comes to's costly).

Annamaria said...

Taking out my taser! LOL

I honestly considered getting my first bikini wax a few weeks ago when I went to DR but I was afraid of going into premature labor with that first yank! LMAO so I just Nair'ed it off like I usually do! I'm a lil afraid of the wax too. A friend of mine does it & she always takes motrin with vodka when she goes. The fact that she needs to do that scares me!!!

Tiswana said...

"Plucked, polished, shaved, and waxed..." For a moment there, I thought you were only referring to your vajayjay. :-) I can never subject my kitty to waxing. I just have this horrible nightmare of swollen camel toes. Do you like your guys smooth as well? What do you think about guys with hairless armpits?

Rameer said...

I think what women do for beauty is INSANE. I really do. I think we all should try to be well-kept and decently put together, but shoot - I may be in the minority, as are the brothers I hang with - but I seriously don't need all that. As long as your hair doesn't look f'd up and your legs don't look like Chewbacca's I'm honestly GOOD.

Women who don't know me always try to argue "you SAY that, but..." but I'm for real. Women who DO know me know I'm as no frills as it gets - I really like women who are themselves and don't go crazy trying to look a certain way every day. Sure, every now and then we ALL like to do something extra to look nice. You should've HEARD the response I got last week for merely wearing some slacks, shoes and NOT wearing a hat on my head! People accused me of changing my hairstyle, getting a haircut - I got my last h-cut 3 weeks ago! But it was cool to be nice put together for one night and get compliments.

But I NEVER understand why women wear shoes that they complain about hurting their feet...I would never wear any shoes to impress anyone! Comfortable, baby. I ain't wearing nothing that I'm not comfortable in, and could care less if someone likes me based off my clothes and outward appearance. Oh f'n well! I DON'T care for make-up at all - I'm cool with lip gloss, and, if you really wanna push it, you can put some eye stuff on that may match your clothes (it's not mascara, I don't know what u call the stuff one puts on the eyelids). I think make-up should be used for ugly women to compete with the decent and pretty women - cuz then I can understand why u would wear it.

I won't even look twice at Black women who put that red ish on their cheeks - for what?? That ish was invented to make white women look like they do when they're cheeks are rosy. Most Black women's cheeks don't get particularly red - so why would you put that ish on your face in the first place? FAIL!

As far as the pooswa goes...if y'all wanna trim, wax, polish, etc. - go right ahead. But I won't say a woman HAS to. I'm not giving MYSELF a fade down there, so I'm not gonna demand a woman do the same. Though a trim never hurts either sex, I guess.

I think a lot of women are so caught up in what men and society think and subscribe to these European standards of beauty that I just don't care about. My boys all married naturally beautiful women who are real - not into push-up bras, make-up, fake hair, fake lashes/nails, etc.

But to each his or her own. Just my 75 cents, I guess.

Brooke - from what I see - you don't need ANYTHING. You're beautiful the way you are...even though you ARE a homie webcamming, stripper loving, lesbian-inducing, premium channel grabbing HEARTBREAKER...

AH said...

I knew the taser would come out at some time for me...LOL! :o)

LMBO @ Rameer "you can put some eye stuff on that may match your clothes (it's not mascara, I don't know what u call the stuff one puts on the eyelids)."==eyeshadow. Michael Myers would know that... ;o) LOL!

phillygrl said...

AnnaMaria DONT DO IT!! wait till baby comes, more sensitive while pregnant..That's all I will say & leave it at that DONT..DO NOT do it right now.

Now Brooke...I say go ahead & do it, but if you don't want to feel like a total baby( meaning all the way smooth) can get different variations where you aren't TOTALLY smooth & u still feel 'grown up'. GO ahead, do it, its vacation, one less thing to worry about. Once you do, you will most likely continue to ..BUT before you do..TRIM.:-)

Enojoy, Im back to work! Have fun & get a tan for me...!!

phillygrl said...

p.s. my old flame use to trim)( not to the skin, but cleaned up) & i thought it was very sexy!..just groomed you know, just like your beard!:-)

Rameer said...

April...Michael Myers is also a homicidal, irredeemably evil mass murder with no soul. So if he knows something more than be it! Lolz!

I STILL think you're in the Top 10 for awesome women for sharing that link to the sequel with me... ;-)

Brooke said...

Oh yeah, I saw the Halloween 2 link you posted for Rameer, good stuff :)

Thank you Rameer for saying I don't need anything and the compliment...cuz guess what, I barely DO anything :) Those that know me know that I almost NEVER wear makeup. My lipgloss might be poppin and that's about it :)

I don't have a weave, wear fake nails or wax anything...except maybe eyebrows...and that's rare. I usually keep those plucked on my own. I shave under my arms, that's it. Thank God I don't have hair on my legs, cuz I'd hate to have to do that.

AH, you're a spa snob huh? Sounds costly, good thing I probably develop that habit! LOL! You look gorgeous tho, so maybe I should! :)

And I can't believe you beat Annamaria! LOL!

Annamaria is one of the most naturally beautiful women I know, her skin is flawless!

Karen, men who OVERgroom scare me. And men with NO hair down there creeps me out :)

Annamaria said...

Awwwww Brookey thank you!! The same can be said about you, everytime I see you your glowing! Lol

Anonymous said...

well i have to admit i love brazilian waxing.. some might find it strange but i enjoy the end result. To give you a better idea i got a wax job a week before giving birth. I pledge i would not go into labor without removing it all. i will confess i wasnt as flexible at nine months so we had to do some manuvering but i think my doctor was impress.

Annamaria said...

1. My OB is a woman.
2. When I'm in labor the last thing I hope they are focusing on is my kitty. Get this kid out & let's get on with life!
3. I may not wax but my kitty is always clean, groomed & well taken care of! :)

Brooke said...

I've been getting emails from women with recommendations on where to get a wax done, so now they're swaying me...I dunno! I'm skerred!!!

Georgia Peach said...

Ha! Good topic today Brookey.

As for me yes I wax my brows and sometimes my vajayjay although I'll admit that ish is PAINFUL as HELL. I just like it better than shaving and truth be told I'm afraid to use nair down there.

I think as far as exterior I've found that women dress for other women - it's about the men YES, but it's also about impressing other girls because we're constantly sizing each other up and checking each other out to see who is hotter, flyer, etc. It's a competitive thing I least that's what I've found in my own personal life.

Have a great time on your vacation Brooke. I so wish I were going with you. :o) That sounds like a fantastic time.

Brooke said...

Thank you Glee! I wish you were going too!

And I agree, we DO try to impress other women. It's about competing for a man's attention, so we have to know our competition in order to see what we're up against. I personally admire other women's beauty, it inspires me.

Monica and I were just talking about that today - how women hate on each other instead of wish them health and happiness. That's a blog for another day tho ;)

the pirate said...

First, you should be commended for your consideration.
I have preferred hardwood floors to carpet for the last ten (or more) years. The amazing thing is how many women actually "care for their kitties." Think about this, I attained manhood in the 70's! Things were a bit "wild" back then. I have NO idea why guys did the things they did with so many overgrown shrubs! lol
Then...I was just saying to someone the other day, while watching ERASER; do you remember that Penthouse photo of Vanessa Williams with all that...eewww. What the hell was she thinking??
I had a girl tell me once, that you can always tell how much a woman cares about grooming by her pedicure. NOT always true.
I applaud you for another very interesting topic.
Always love my brookeybaby.

Brooke said...

Thanks Pirate! Love ya back!

And yes, there are certain things I just HAVE TO take care of - my teeth, my underarms, showering obviously, and the kitty! Eyebrows, nails...I do those too, but not at manic about it :)

Thanks for always reading!

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