Brookey's Cafe Blog

It's been a long time...I shouldn'ta left you....

Okay, so it hasn't really been a long time...but I missed you all anyway!

Happy Tuesday!

I spent a long weekend in Philly for my nephew's 5th birthday celebration. His party on Sunday afternoon was off the hook, and I was completely Chuck E. Cheesed out by the end of the day. That place is a riot, and he had a blast with all his friends. Great, great, great party!





His actual birthday was yesterday. While he was at school, I snuck down to Baltimore to meet with the infamous Dre Lew of blog comment fame so we could meet and so he could do my taxes. He hooked me up in more ways than one. First, he gave me expert advice on my taxes, buying property and simply all things investments/finance. But more importantly, he hooked me up with some catfish! Let me tell you, he put his foot in it! Fried catfish, mac and cheese, green beans and corn bread...all washed down with sweet mango iced tea! He INSISTED I don't be shy and take more (smile), so I made a plate to go (yes...complete with paper plate and foil) and will be having that for lunch today. Oh, and did I mention the Pineapple Upside-down cake for dessert? Heaven. It was great finally meeting you Dre, an absolute pleasure - thanks again!

Getting my taxes done was the only thing that could steal me away from my family for the day. I'd been away from them for a few weeks and my nephew Kyce was jonesing for his Auntie BIG TIME. I tell you, there's nothing like seeing their faces light up when I walk in a room. When they run to me and jump in my arms, I feel like my heart is going to burst. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Being Auntie has given me the opportunity to find a special purpose in my family. Although I'm not married or have children, I always feel as though I'm wanted, needed, and important when I spend time with my sister's sons. Thanks to them, I feel stretched in ways that I never imagined - but in a good way. I've stretched my idea of unconditional love to an understanding I didn't necessarily have as it related to a child before they were born - a feeling I didn't have to bear my own children to experience. I couldn't love them more than if I had birthed them myself.



Of course I realize there is no bond like the special one a parent has with a child. But I too have a unique relationship with each of my nephews. Kyce and I talk about any and everything. Ibrahim makes me laugh til my sides hurt. Kyce loves it when he cracks a joke that gets a reaction, and Ibrahim and I will dance to anything. They talk to me on the phone and they share their snacks with me. Kyce sneaks out of his top bunk to crawl into bed with me, while Ibrahim gives me big kisses that make loud smacking noises. I am the person they call when they want a special toy, to be rewarded when they accomplish something or when they want share something new that they've learned. I'm the one they want to go to the playground with, or who they find when they want to wrestle. I am Auntie, and I can do no wrong in their eyes.

Through them, I am able to experience motherhood - without the morning sickness and labor. I've fed them, bathed them, clothed them, changed diapers and cared for them when they were sick. I saw them take their first steps. I've gone to school functions and mediated over little disputes. I've disciplined them, taught them, encouraged them and loved them.

Last night before I left, I went upstairs to give Kyce a kiss goodnight. He had already fallen asleep and I was so sad that I missed him, but also glad that he wasn't awake to give me those puppy dog eyes he gives me when he doesn't want me to leave. I gave his cool little cheek a big kiss and was overcome with a love so deep - I didn't want to leave. In moments like those, I understand what it means to love someone so much that you'd lay down your life for him. I'd do it for either of them. Through my nephews and all the children in my life, moments like that give me a whole new understanding of why Jesus gave his life for all of His children. What a blessing, and my life is richer than it's ever been.

-b

TGIF!

I'm off from work (woo-hoo!) and going to be traveling to Philly, so I asked our boy Rameer to hold it down for me today! I'll still be checking in, just not as regularly as I normally would. He's on a bit of a rant today, so I'm gonna just get out of the Ninja's way! Have fun! And Happy Birthday Annamaria!



So...here I am with my second try at guest-blogging for my girl Ms. Brookes. It’s really kind of the first, cuz the last time she just kinda jacked some stuff I had put together, and talked to me about it to get clarification so she could effectively impart my ideas. This time, I’m actually penning this from scratch...so my darling Ms. Brookes actually had no pre-knowledge of the subject.

Brooke, I know you’d prefer me to address this whole "bitchass" phenomenon...but trust me, it would be too long of a read. I can go on for more millenia's than Mazda had on their car lots about that subject! Nah, I’mma talk about something I’ve been talking about on a damn-near daily basis since I graduated...

Stupid things people say.



LOVE that song. It’s from the original animated “Transformers” movie soundtrack.

I’ve been saying for eons – the stupid people are outnumbering us smart people, and they’re running the country. Business, government, law – all run by idiots. When I say idiots, I don’t mean unqualified, non-educated people. Many of these people have degrees and extensive resumes. My issue is people simply don’t use their brains – they don’t THINK. They say and do things without giving any thought to it. They have an intense lack of common sense. And – here’s the kicker – they have no individuality, so they follow behind the stupider people – making many of our community Stupid By Assimilation. It’s like a bunch of humanized lemmings running around, in all aspects:



It’s too deep of a subject to encapsulate in one quick blog. So, I’ve decided to post my Top 10 Stupid Things I hear people say regularly:

1. “I don’t see race or color.”

PUH-LEASE!!! As soon as I hear a fool start with this caca, I pretty much assume you’re the most prejudice, bigoted person around. OF COURSE YOU DO. You know damn well that there are things that people of different races tend to do differently. You also know we all harbor some form of stereotypes or know of some fallacies. How, then, are you able to get the humor of George Carlin, Richard Pryor and Dave Chappelle? You have to already know what they’re referencing to get the joke.

But noooo – people insist on telling you they “don’t even see race”. Like Whitey McDaniels won’t cross the street if he sees some young Black men walking his way at night in Chicago. Or Raheem Jackson won’t arbitrarily call a Latino “Paco” or designate them as a Puerto Rican or Mexican – like there are no other Latin ethnicities.

Why does this make you fall in the SBS category? Cuz you’re more than likely saying it cuz you’ve heard it before, and it’s the “PC” thing to do. But you’re insulting my intelligence by saying it – I can get you to prove your racial hang ups within 5 minutes after saying that phrase in-person.

2. “What’s your nationality?” – Um, has anyone actually earned their grades in English?? My nationality is AMERICAN. As is true for most people you encounter. No one actually thinks about the true meaning of that word – “ality” meaning the quality of what ever word it’s enhancing. So, if you are not an American citizen or have dual citizenship, you might have a different nationality.

People use this word when they mean to ask what one’s ethnic background is. “I’m Persian” someone may respond. Um, last time I checked, Persia wasn’t a nation anymore. You’re more than likely American, and so are the people you’re asking that dumb-ass question to. I’m Panamanian in ethnicity, but my nationality is American. Get it??

3. “You shouldn’t judge/I don’t judge people”

Really, Genius of Moronville? Let me tell you something – every single human being judges. Every one. You know why? Cuz if you didn’t, you wouldn’t see the difference between a nun and a child rapist. How do you know one is evil and reprehensible and the other isn’t? Judgment call, moron. When you are raised, anywhere on this Earth, someone stamps a moral code on your psyche. Some people are more lax and free in their beliefs and morality, but everyone makes a difference between what they like and dislike, what’s right and wrong, what’s pure and nasty. And all those are judgment calls.

Don’t ask me or try to speak from some ideological perch as though me judging something is wrong. That’s a judgment in and of itself! I’m human – that’s what we do. Every single one of us. Do you believe in a Higher Power? Guess what – you judge. Atheist? Guess what – you judge too. Anything that makes you make a decision that something is remotely better or more okay than something else is a judgment call. Use your brain and think about the meaning of what you’re saying!!!

4. “That movie was too long.”

Really? Where did you have to go, Speed Racer? Maybe I’m nit-picking with this one, but when I sit down to see a movie, either in a theater or at home, I plan to involve myself in the entertainment presented to me. I’m not looking at my watch every 10 minutes measuring the movie. There is no set time for a movie. However long it takes to present the story, I’m cool with – as long as you keep my attention. Hell, I have DVDs that are literally 5 hours. And I can sit and watch ‘em any weekend, joyfully.

You’re telling me The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, Malcolm X, Watchmen, Braveheart and The Good, The Bad & The Ugly aren’t worthwhile movies to sit your ass still for if they go over 90 minutes? That’s why we’re failing – an entire country of ADD heads.

5. “I don’t eat meat – just fish.”

WHAT?!? Do you even know what your stupid ass just said?? Do you know what that word means?? Meat is animal flesh – ANY ANIMAL’S FLESH. If you eat animal, you eat meat.

Fake-ass conscientious eater…

6. “God says/don’t like/you’re going to hell cuz…”

Shut yo ass up. Look – according to every damned text on Earth, The Creator cannot be comprehended fully, right? And The Creator is omnipotent and omniscient, right? So how are you going to tell me what the Higher Power is going to do or not do? Oh, I get it – you got your little book in your hand – the one written by a bunch of men. Well, with the whole omnipotent thing, couldn’t a deity change its mind once in a while? No? I mean – WE all do. But nah – everything in that book is true. Word for word. No matter what the culture or customs of the time were...and no matter how many were lifted from ancient other faiths.

I like to tell these idiots that I’m God - which they usually spaz out to. But wait a sec – if God can do anything, why COULDN’T I be God simply testing you? “You curse too much.” Um, I made up the words – YOU determined they were obscene, not me. “You don’t go to church.” Why would I have to go to the place YOU worship ME? Dumbass! “You don’t live a pure lifestyle.” Um...I’m testing YOU. Get it? I do as I please. “If you’re God, prove it.” I ain’t gotta prove SQUADOOSH – I’ll prove it when you die. How ‘bout that?

Lol...my point is, none of us knows squat. Let’s try to stop acting like we know everything She has in-store for us. Just live the best you can, stay true to yourself and treat others as you want to be treated. Put out positive energy, and you’ll get it back. Stop trying to say this Muslim is doomed, that Taoist is going to hell, etc. And yes, by any definition, I could literally be God – so could you. So knock it off.

And yes, that wasn’t a slip. I called God SHE. Or is that not possible as well??

7. “Aw…don’t hate.”

What the hell is up with this word?? I kinda hate it at this point. Everyone misuses it – if you don’t like something, you’re hating. Huh?!? Hey – pubes for brains – here’s a thought – maybe I’m not feeling “Fergalicious.” Maybe I think men wearing pink is fruity as hell. And maybe me saying your underage girlfriend isn’t a good look is cuz it really isn’t a good look!

Hating is about jealousy and envy in large part. If I don’t like it, I don’t like it. Period. Use your brain and stop going with the crowd. I CAN not agree with you – especially if you’re a dumb-ass.

8. “You know he/she is gay.”

Okay, we all say this to some degree - sometimes jokingly, sometimes with a large hint of truth. I’m only talking about those idiots who say that as some deterrent. Like being gay makes someone or something untouchable. Example:

“I love that new Elton John song!”

“Elton John, ain’t he gay??”

What does that mean? The song is less hot? I got news for you – Luther Vandross, the greatest singer of love songs, ever? Yup – fruity as Del Monte.

I’m not Mr. Gay rights in the least bit – but whatever goes on in a person’s personal is THEIR personal. I’m not gonna stop being friends with someone or stop listening to George Michael or Me’Shell Ndegeocello cuz your ass is ignorant.

9. “I hope they lose – they win too much/already won.”

Really? You’re going to cheer against a team cuz they’re too successful? Um, now THAT’S some hater ish! I cheer for my favorite teams, but I don’t get mad that the Patriots have a dynasty or that the Bulls three-peated. If you’re the best, more power to you.

How would you like it if you always did your work well, but your entire office plotted/wanted you to fail cuz you “always do a good job”? Boss decides to fire you cuz “it’s someone else’s turn to succeed.” Doesn’t make much sense, now does it? Sounds real petty and stupid, doesn’t it?

10. “I hope my kid has good hair...” or “he/she has that good hair.”

Hello, self-hate! I was wondering where you went. Good hair? Really? Good hair? I mean, just the thought process alone to think that a style of hair is “good” compared to another makes me think you’re driving the imbecile bus waving a Re-Re foam finger! That’s some ol’ slave quarters 'ish – and if you don’t get why that’s messed up, well...you’re DUMB.

And don’t give me the whole “manageable” argument - all hair has its good and bad points. You’re just a nincompoop if you believe in that 'ish. You probably think the prettiest babies are when whites mix with Blacks too – like no other mixture or any other ethnicity can have prettier babies. Dumb-ass.

Oh, I’m sure all of you can add to the list. People say and do stupid things all the time. And I realize that growing up in the family I did, most of it wasn’t allowed. So when I get into the real world, and hear people tell me how they were “conversating” or how “those Muslims be blowin’ stuff up,” I just say most times...

“Oh – you’re stupid. I’m sorry – I didn’t realize. I’ll be moving along now…wouldn’t want to catch your affliction. You may be contagious, and I don’t want to find out”.

There it is. I’m interested to get your feedback and hear what stupid things you guys hear from people on the reg - and if I offended anyone with my declarations, chew on it – I’m God.

LMAO!!!

I feel like I’m forgetting something...hmm...


Oh yeah. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNAMARIA!!! With yo fine a$$...lol! Enjoy it, bonita!

-Rameer

Okay, I found these Vagina Fun Facts on a blog called Orgasmic Tendencies on the Honey site and thought I'd share them to kick off Random Thoughts Thursday.

*The clitoris is the only organ in the female body whose sole purpose is to provide pleasure and the average length is 5 to 6 inches? (think internal)

*The use of lipstick originates from the motivation to make lips look like the vaginal labia in their aroused state.

*When a woman is highly sexually stimulated she can ovulate out of cycle. (yikes!)

*By having 2 orgasms per week regularly you can add 2 years to your life. (I need to get on this pronto!)

*Only 10% of women can have an orgasm by intercourse alone. (so sad)

*The first vibrators were invented in 1869 as treatment for what was known then as hysteria. There was even a Chattanooga Vibrator made in 1904! (LOL!!...hysteria?!)

*The “horizontal mambo” is great for your health by lowering stress. Sex can help impede your production of the hormone cortisol, which can contribute to cardiovascular diseases.

*By doing Kegel exercises to strengthen your PC muscles, you will have stronger orgasms and ease the difficulty of menopause. (the "Lock")

just thought those tidbits were interesting :-)

now....

- Lately I've become addicted to Hot Pockets...no idea why.

- I can't wait to see my nephews this weekend! Kyce will be FIVE YEARS OLD on Monday!

- I hate my cell phone.

- My internet is down at home and I feel somewhat lost without it. But I will say I've been going to bed A LOT earlier lately because of it. I feel rested.

- I want to be debt-free.

- I got a promotion at work :) I guess being "Kizzy" finally paid off :)

- I can't believe it'll be April next week. Now if it could only stay in the 60's, I'd be GOOD!

- I have sex on the brain more often than not this week....

- I think Liz needs to take me shopping. I'll give you 3 guesses as to what we'd be shopping for.

- My cat will be 14 years old on April 3rd. That's my baby. He's also in love with Monica...and Liz.

- Happy Birthday Monique!

- REMINDER: Tomorrow is Annamaria's birthday. Don't forget! I think her qwerty keyboard has a "tase" button on it :)

- Did I mention I need a vacation yet today?

- All my bills are paid :)

- Still haven't gotten my taxes done. Soon...it'll be April next week right?

- I want spaghetti for dinner tonight.

- I love that The Roots are Jimmy Fallon's late night band! Too bad Jimmy's monologue is kinda painful to watch.

- The MTA is buggin with these proposed fare hikes! Paying more for less service... really?

- The Post Office may run out of money...how crazy is that?

- I'm off from work tomorrow and Monday - woo hoo!

Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

Speaking of HUMPING, a friend and I were having a discussion about sex last night. Topic of discussion: what makes sex good and what can make sex bad? Of course this is different for everyone, so I figured I'd put it out there for you all to weigh in.

What began the conversation last night was her saying that the best sex she ever had was with a guy who had the smallest penis she's ever had. Most women would be like, "Huh?" But she said this man was so passionate, so into her, would caress and lift her up and would do any and EVERY thing he could think of to please her. Where he lacked physically, he more than made up for it emotionally and mentally.

And....she was in love with him.

And he loved her back.

For women, sex is mostly mental and emotional. When we are in love with you (or even just really FEELING YOU), the sex is great! It's our way to connect. We turn on the emotional floodgates to allow you entrance into our world. It's very hard to allow someone to swim in your ocean you when you can barely stand the sight of them. More often than not, we NEED that connection...that passion, the feeling that is all enveloping.

Men...not so much.

Not saying women can't ever be strictly physical beings. But men can pound you, screw you, f*ck you - anything you wanna call it - without ever knowing your name. They don't have to "make love" for the sex to be good.

Women don't either, but it's funny how our perception of "good sex" changes AFTER the break-up. When we're all in love, sex is amazing. But after we break up, we're like "that little d*ck muthf*cka was WACK!" I find myself saying to my girlfriends, "wait...are we still talking about the same dude?" :-)

So, what makes good sex good? What makes the "Mo' Betta Mo' Betta?"

There's no right or wrong answer to this. Sex can be slow and meaningful or hot and sweaty. It can be athletic or kinky and perverted; but whatever flavor it is, good sex contains a jolt of electricity that makes the average bumping of the uglies a bit sexier and more satisfying.

Speaking of electric - remember this scene from Love Jones?

Every person is different. For me, good sex can be about a myriad of things - built up sexual tension being the main thing that does it for me. Ever talk MAD sh*t to someone - whether in person, on the phone, text, email, IM, whatever - saying what you're gonna do to them when you see them (especially if it'll be the first time you two ever have sex but the chemistry between you is pornographic)? That tension building usually results in an explosion when the deed finally gets done. That has always led to great sex for me.

What also makes good sex good is good old fashioned communication. Someone telling me what he likes, me telling him what I like...actually LISTENING to the answer and then executing. A good dose of curiosity never hurt either.

There are women that can cum just by merely touching them. There are some that can cum just by kissing. There are others that need oral stimulation to climax. Others need penetration. There are some women (like myself) that can cum with no manual stimulation at all. Let's just say I have very VIVID dreams.

(ADDENDUM: Craig asked me to post this video to prove that...uh...well...men don't need much either)



Ahem...my point is, if you ask a girl the right questions, and observe her, you will know a lot more about her sexuality. What really turns her on, what makes her explode, what she really likes doing, what she’s not good at, what she’s never done, etc. - knowing all of this will help you to have a fantastic sex life. The same holds true for most men. I'm sure we all think we're good lovers...but are we?

It's about paying attention to each other. It's about not being selfish. A good lover won't pressure you, or make you feel guilty. A good lover will make the entire experience about the BOTH of you. A good lover will mix it up. They'll try different locations or positions, seeking to make your sex lives exciting, or spice it up with some variety. All in all, it's about simply asking the question - what can I do to please you? A good lover will usually have no problem telling you.

What makes the Mo' Betta Mo Betta for you? :-)

-b

Happy Tuesday!

Sorry for the late post today. My internet is down at home, so I'm forced to do my blogs in the morning from work, and it's been meeting after meeting today. I try to think of something to blog about the night before I post, but it seems I have writer's block if I can't use my internet...how crazy is that!?! If I can't log on to Facebook or IM, I don't turn my laptop on at all. I come home, take a nice hot shower and then watch tv. And if I'm watching tv, that means I'm not thinking about my blog, let alone writing it. Maybe I just needed a break from the internet for a hot minute. Maybe this is forcing me to simply relax when I get home. But now, I feel like I have nothing to talk about :(

So this morning I asked my boy Jay what I should blog about. His response? "Do you really want to know the WHOLE truth?"

Hmmmm....this could be interesting.

I asked him to give me an example, and he said, "Do you really want to know if your girl has slept with the entire football team back in the day?"

Good question!

He then goes into detail a little further. He tells me that he was once "intimate" with this young lady, but things cooled down and they stopped seeing each other. They reconnected a year later....but this time she could do some "tricks." He said she was biting his nipples, juggling his balls in her hands (is this TMI Tuesday?) and slapping his ass....all things she had never done before. In his mind, she had learned all this from someone...but clearly not from him. He said it made him wonder who or how many guys she'd been with in that year they were apart. Finally he said he had to tell her to stop biting his nipples :-)

As curious as we may be, do you REALLY want to know who your man or woman has been with, how many, and what they did? There seems to be a double standard between men and women when talking about the number of sexual partners or past freaky habits, so women tend to struggle with this question. Here's why - fast forward to 1:25:



"I guess that's how you was raised" LOL!!

It may seem that women are a few steps behind men in the sex department...or so we'd like to think. This is why women may not ask the question as much as it's asked to us - women just assume men have been around. But women in this day and age may not be as far behind men as we think - which is why men nowadays are reluctant to ask the question too. I guess it depends on why you want to know. Is it a security thing? A health thing? Why do we want to know?

If you're prepared to be challenged, then go ahead and ask. If you're not ready to accept the reality of their answer, then don't go there. Don't bring it up, don't start something you can't finish, or that may bring more harm than good. Straightforward explanations may lead to an argument, insecurity or jealousy. In reality, no partner needs to know all the details of your entire life - especially if it may bring discomfort or have a severe impact on the relationship before the relationship is even ready to withstand such truths. Some of us can handle the REAL truth, some may not.

If you feel that you need to know, or that your partner needs to know your sexual past, then bring it up casually and let it flow from there. On a mature level, you should be able to discuss sex and simply ask or answer in an around about way - in a way that can provide comfort to you and your mate. Most likely they'll let you know if they want to know more; but if not, then simply ask them if they have any more questions that you can answer briefly. If they feel it's of importance and they need to go into more depth, be honest, but brief, so your mate doesn't have to pull teeth. If you hear something that you don't necessarily want to know, then stop. Just accept, believe, trust and respect what they say without making accusations or assumptions. When discussing the past, most of us might be shocked at certain revelations, but guess what? We all have a past. All of us do.

But we all should desire a future too. It's hard sometimes to keep in mind that every single one of us has a past, whether it's dirty, freaky, sweet or squeaky clean. We all need to have a past to appreciate who we are in the present and where we're headed in our future. When sex arises as a subject, some of us are not prepared to speak openly, for the mere fact that we really don't want to know or face the truth. It's about being comfortable in who you are and where you're going.

If you're not ready for or to face the truth, then wait for a better time to discuss the subject further...if at all. Detailed sex conversations of the past can be a difficult conversation if done truthfully, so remember to be compassionate and understanding. My motto is, the past is the past, and the present relationship is all that matters. Focus on that, and you may find that the two of you together - NOW - is all you need to know.

-b

Happy Monday everyone!

I hope everyone had a nice relaxing weekend; I know I did. With the exception of going to Annamaria's ridiculously fun SURPRISE birthday dinner/game night - I didn't do a damn thing! Felt good. I did, however, manage to get a bad nosebleed and headache last night. I was so out of it that the wonderful, thoughtful, amazing Anthony Otero (aka "Latinegro") generously agreed to guest blog for today. Show my boy some love!




Hello all! The Latino Negro will be taking over the Brooke Spot for today. This is my first guest blog so please write your comments in Spanish...(yeah right!)

For those of you who do not know, I am a Syracuse Alum. I also work at Syracuse University as an Assistant Director within Student Affairs and love what I do. Last semester, I had to deal with an issue with one of my students that I wasn't entirely ready to deal with. There was this site called Juicy Campus (it does not exist anymore), where anyone could post, anonymously, any rumor that they heard on any campus. So, essentially, you can log onto this site, pick a school and read these posts - or even create one. I guess if you are a teenager, it might be appealing to find out who the biggest whore is on campus or who's fraternity was the wackest (these were real posts).

So, I knew several students whose business was very much out there for the public to see. I have read some of these things, and my reaction was like...wow. How times have changed since I was a student! I mean, this isn't really funny when you think about how many people can read rumors about how good some girl is at giving head or if some guy has herpes. Just imagine how crazy would be if students on your campus read this, let alone people on another campus!

I remember when I started going to college, I thought that I was in a whole new situation. I wouldn't have to deal with the pettiness of high school - only to find out that it is ten times worse. People talk about each other like dogs! There is no shame in it!

Of course with black and brown people on a campus as small as Syracuse University, it is even worse! I have heard so many things about so many people; and I wont lie, it was fun to tell stories about this person or that person. However, it is NOT fun when YOU are that person being talked about. In the case of these students, I knew them - and whether or not what they did was true or not, it really is no one's business. I am one to believe that we all have the freedom to do what we want...and be as freaky as we want ;-)

Gossip is a hater's game. Only haters really gossip. Sure, we all like a good story about someone, but let's think about how much harm that does. For example, a hater will say that this girl is a ho. Does it matter if it is true? Maybe she likes sex...who are we to judge? Perhaps, the hater (male) was dissed and is getting none from her. Perhaps the hater (female) is jealous that this girl got it like that. Let's not forget that those who a point finger will always have 4 fingers pointing back at them.

One would think that perhaps after college we would not gossip, because after all, we are more mature, right? Well that is crap too. How many gossip magazines are out there? How many gossip shows and websites are out there? How many times do I have to hear about Jennifer Anniston, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? It's crazy to think that we can tear each other down like this. But, when you look at the media (which I blame for many things), you can see how good we can get at it.

I bring all this up because I think that as we get older, we need to be aware of what is going on around us. Sites like Juicy Campus may be gone for now, but there are other sites popping up just like it. We all talk about how social networking sites like Facebook are wonderful - but we need to be aware of the downsides to social networking sites as well.

Granted, we are all adults here so I would assume we don't talk about each other... or do we?

- Latinegro

TGIF!!!

This week FLEW by for me! I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

Now...as I'm sure you've all probably heard by now, President Obama was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night. He was his usual charismatic, witty, charming self. He was at ease, yet answered the serious questions with earnest. He was comfortable and light, yet intelligent and forthcoming about the serious issues we face. Everything was going easy breezy...until...



I had gotten wind of his gaffe well before the Tonight Show aired at 11:35pm EST. The 11pm News on NBC teased it. This is what Keith Olbermann said on his program before the broadcast.



I already knew what President Obama was going to say, so my intent last night was to watch to see how it was said and what the audience's reaction was going to be. When it aired, I thought, "hmmm, not as bad as I thought it was going to be." The audience was laughing already, so most of them probably missed what he said. But the media being what it is picked up on it, zeroed in on it and ran with it. "Uh oh," is all I thought. Facebook was alive with status updates saying, "he's going to pay for that one." And everyone was right.

While the fallout isn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be, he's going to hear about it for a while. I'm sure they had his apology half way written before he got up from Jay's comfy little chair. You could almost see on his face that he realized what he said right after he said it. I'm watching The View as I type to see what they have to say about it. So far, nothing.

Well, while I agree that you shouldn't use The Special Olympics as a punchline, I think we need to give him a break. He made a bad joke that perhaps didn't go over well, and I while I can see why some would take offense, it was hardly said with any malicious intent. While I think the President possesses a natural wit, maybe he just tried too hard to be funny in this instance.

Everyone knows how much I love Barack Obama. My crush on him continues. But if I had to think of one thing that I'd wish he'd do as President, it would be to have a more intimidating presence during some of these interviews. I'm not necessarily saying that's the demeanor he should have when he's on a show like Leno, but when he was being interviewed by Matt Lauer on The Today Show, I couldn't help but feel that Matt Lauer was a bit too lax for someone who is talking to the President of the United States. Matt Lauer is usually kinda smug anyway, and I understand he may be a little bit older than President Obama; but it wouldn't kill him to talk to him like he's the leader of the free world, not like he's just some "dude." I love that Barack Obama is "the people's President," but instead of trying to get everyone to like him, I would love to see him...just ONCE...say "Look, I'm the President, this is what I want, this is how it's going to be, and that's that. No back talk!"

I know he'd never do that though. The reason why is because our President is just too intelligent. He expects that if he speaks to people with reason and logic, that they'll understand and respond favorably. He feels that he shouldn't have to yell or get mad in order to be heard, because that would just be barbaric instead of smart. Too bad the people he has to deal with hate him so much, and want him to fail so badly, that reason and logic escape them. They'd rather focus on how he's going on Leno instead of dealing with the economic crisis, not realizing that he can multi-task and that the crisis can't and won't be solved within the hour he spent on television. It's absurd, but it's the government we have and the people we put there.

Hopefully we'll let the President get back to the job at hand instead of making him appear at every future Special Olympics event to prove he's not a meanie. We all know that he is a good guy who just wants to help us do better. It's not the first mistake he'll make, nor will it be the last. We just have to get out of his way, allow him to be human, and give the man time to be the great President he will be.

Have a great weekend!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!!

This week seems to be moving along quite quickly for me. I hope you all are having a great week and that it's going smoothly for you.

- Last night was the first night in WEEKS that I didn't come home and power up the laptop. Instead I made my lunch for today, took a nice hot shower, curled up in the bed and read a book until I fell asleep. Nice.

- Like everyone else has apparently done already, I'm reading Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man." I didn't think he'd be saying anything I didn't already know and, with the exception of a few tidbits, so far that's true...but I can't put it down. He's funny, and telling the truth. Fast read. Thanks Liz!

- I miss my nephews. They've been asking for me all week and I may need to sneak down to Philly soon and do a drive by.

- I can't wait for the summer so we can go to the playground, the beach and do as much as we can outdoors. They keep me young..(er).

- I can't believe March is almost over.

- I'm feeling an itch to braid my hair since I did the "Can I Touch It?" blog. Soon.

- I think I say this every Thursday, but I REALLY need a vacation!

- I tried making this beef and peas dish my sister usually makes last night. I hope it turned out okay, because I'm going to eat it regardless.

- I OD'd on yogurt at Waldbaums. Strawberry Dannon with the fruit on the bottom. I like Breyers too...Yum!

- Edy's Fruit Bars...love them!

- I fell off the wagon again and picked up two cases of Snapple at the supermarket. They were on sale for $5.99...and I noticed when I got home and read the receipt that the cashier forgot to ring them up. Oh well...Sweet!

- I love soft layering tees from the Gap or Old Navy...in bright colors! They keep sending me coupons...tempting me.

- So sad about Natasha Richardson. Be careful...and wear a helmet when skiing, biking, whatever.

- I'm still loving this Ne-Yo cd Rameer. I need more music...any suggestions?

- Someone remind me to pay my cell phone bill :-)

- I need to set up automatic payments for all these bills I pay online - I thought someone would have suggested that by now :-) I don't trust it for some reason though, I feel like I need to do it myself.

- Anyone hear about the girl from Project Runway who threw a cat at her fiance during a fight? She threw the cat at him. Buffoonery.

- I didn't get enough sleep because I got up early to work out with Serena (in spirit), but I feel good that I got it out the way. Thanks Serena!

Go!

Happy Hump Day - DuWayne!!!

So, last night, I was accused of flirting on Facebook. Matter of fact, I was called "Queen Flirt." I thought it was kinda funny for two reasons. One, the person who called me that is the KING of flirting...and two, I don't view myself that way. I personally just think I'm a friendly, approachable person...but I could be wrong. Maybe I give off a flirtatious vibe, who knows. But is that a bad thing? I don't think I OVER flirt - cuz I hate that myself - but if you think I do, please tell me!

Personally, I think there's an art to flirting. It's effective in its subtlety. It's a glance, a slight brush across the hand, some well placed words. When done well and successfully, flirting can boost your confidence. Since I was called out as being a Facebook flirt (debatable), I'll point out that technology has made it so that you can build on and enhance this skill before you master it face to face. Nowadays, you can text, IM, email, Facebook or Twitter your flirts :-) Technology has added a new dimension to flirting, and most shy folks start off there and then work their way up.

For one, you have time to think about what you're going to say on text/IM; you're not pressured to come up with something clever on the spot. And when he/she responds, you can take your time responding back. You can take as much or as little time as you like to formulate the perfect, flirtatious reply. Second, you can say things on text or IM or wherever that you might not necessarily say in person. You might feel the urge to be a bit sexy, but wouldn't dare in person for fear of coming across as oversexed or inappropriate. That is one of the biggest mistakes most men make - they flirt with the goal of getting you in bed...and they come across that way. Most women are turned off by that. Not saying women don't do it too, but most women flirt for fun :-) If we sense you're flirting with sex on the brain, it's a turnoff. But if you say something sexual over text or IM, and it doesn't go over well, you can always try to play it off like you were joking. It doesn't always work, but at least you can say that the joke didn't translate well via text/IM because your sarcasm couldn't be inferred from inflection and tone.

Once you master flirting electronically, you may feel confident enough to bring some of that game into practice in person. Just make sure you pay attention to the cues you're receiving in person that you don't get to see via text/IM, because otherwise you might come across as overbearing, oversexed, crazy or just straight corny.

Instead of telling you what I perceive to be the art of flirting, let me tell you some DON'T's...at least the way I see it anyway. Feel free to add your two cents.

Like I said earlier, I think men and women sometimes flirt differently, and for different reasons. Most times when a man is flirting heavy with me, it comes across as overtly sexual instead of fun. Women mainly flirt to get attention, even if they have zero intention on talking to you again, let alone sleeping with you. Not saying women don't have sex on the brain at times when they flirt too, but mostly women flirt to feel you out to see if you're even worth going there. If done correctly, we can be flirtatious without seeming "ho'ish" LOL! But like I said, only if done correctly.

Men have to apply the same thought pattern when they flirt. Flirting should be about engaging and communicating with the woman on her level - feeding off her vibe, not your secret desires to hit that at the end of the night. If you come across as a horny toad, she'll run...unless that's on her mind too. But if you want to do it right and effectively, then here is what works on ME:

Keep the touching to a minimum.

Now, I'm not saying don't touch me AT ALL. Far from it. The right touch at the right moment is sexy as hell, and sends me a signal without you saying one word. Touch my hand when you're telling me something funny, or stand a little closer to me. Let our knees touch at the movies, and let your fingers dangle over the armrest on my leg. Help me put my coat on and move my hair out the way....little touches.

Don't grope me, grab me, squeeze me or touch my face...cuz if you do that, now you're invading my personal space and working my nerves. Lean in like you're telling me a secret and touch the small of my back. Trust me, I'll notice.

Don't sound cocky or rehearsed.

If EVERY word out your mouth sounds perfect or like you've rehearsed it, then we'll think you say the same thing to every woman you meet. It makes us think you flirt for sport, not because you're really interested in US. Coming across as a "professional flirter" loses its novelty REAL QUICK. And while we're on that....

Don't Flirt with every chick in the spot.

Women talk. You know we do. And if you're known as the dude who flirts with EVERYONE, trust me, we've talked about you and compared notes. Women like to feel special, like you're only interested in us. If you're not flirting with the intention of getting her attention or her phone number, then by all means...flirt away. But if you flirt with every girl at the club or the party, trust me...we SEE you. You might be the King Flirt, but by the end of the night you'll become the clown who's only entertaining himself and just casting a wide net to see who bites. We'll be calling you the annoying dude who tried to hit on every chick in the joint..and that's just wack. And last...

Staring isn't flirting.

Have you ever been out and there's some dude who is just staring? I mean, burning a hole through you with his eyes? A glance with smiling eyes is one thing, but a guy who thinks he's trying to "play it cool" and be "mysterious" can actually come across as....well..."stalker-ish." Sitting in the corner or standing across the room giving us the "death stare" will make you either look like you lack confidence to come speak to us, or you will simply creep us out. Very unbecoming.

Now trust me, I'm certainly no expert in flirting...hardly. I just told you what works and doesn't work on me. I think flirting is fun, and I admit to doing it when the mood strikes. I don't know if I'm "Queen Flirt" or if I even want that title. But hey, at least someone thinks I'm good at it :-) But if you haven't mastered the art of flirting, then stick to Facebook until you get it right :-)

-b

"Can I touch it?"

Without looking up, without peering around the side of my desk, and without having seen Crystal yet yesterday morning, I knew Crystal put braids in her hair.

"How" you ask?

Because the White girl who sits in between us said, "ooooh, can I touch it?"

I know this scenario all too well. It's happened to me several times. I braid my hair, some White person wants to touch it. A lot of times they just do it. I feel like I'm at the damn petting zoo or something. It's not until I slowly jerk my head away from them and give them a "you're about to draw back a nub" look that they get the hint. Let me give you an example, check it:


Barbara likes Hair

What the hell man?! Really?

A Black woman has NEVER asked if she could touch my hair when I got it braided, or any other time for that matter. Not once. The only time a black woman has ever touched my hair was when I told her to...as in "I just got the best conditioning treatment...here, feel how soft my hair is." Other than that...never.

With all the Black women I know who have braids, locs, afros, curly naturals, weaves or relaxers, I have never had the urge to touch their hair either. Not one time.

Some White people though - women in particular - have this fascination with our hair, no matter what texture it is. I guess it's just because our hair is different from theirs. It's a mystery to them, and we are fascinated with the mysterious. Although White people's hair is different from my own, I never felt the need to run my fingers through some blond tresses. Not once. The only time I'm enticed to touch a person's hair is if I'm overcome with passion getting busy with a guy who has locs. Stop me if I'm revealing too much :-)

Ahem...anyway. I don't mind if a person is simply curious as to why our hair does what it does. I'd rather answer questions about our hair so that they don't walk around with any ill conceived notions of our crowning glory. I've gotten the question, "Well, how does it stay up like that?" Or "How long does it take to do it?" Or my favorite - "Do you wash it?"

What the hell kind of question is that?

Anyway...what I found disturbing was that she did it at work. Asking such questions at work could get you fired. We had a STRICT "diversity" training class that addressed such things. The girl who asked if she could touch Crystal's hair has no filter for such sensitivities - just ignorant for no reason. This is the same girl who told me White people don't talk in the movie theater. Enough said.

So, do you think I'm being too sensitive? I may be overreacting, but it just irked the hell out of me when I heard her ask the question. The fact that I didn't even have to look at Crystal to know she had her hair braided said it all to me - they just don't get it. I could be being my usual over-sensitive self...so you tell me.

Hey, at least she asked her first. Usually they just walk up to me and grab my hair. Can't they just say, "I like your new style" and keep it moving? Ask me how long it takes to braid my hair. Ask me how long it can stay like that. Hell, ask me how much my hair costs. Ask me anything else. Just don't ask me if you can touch it. ESPECIALLY at work.

Maybe I am over-reacting. Maybe not. Who knows. Ah well...whatever.

-b

Good morning!

Happy Birthday Vince!

I am tired as hell today. It’s my own fault. I stayed up late AGAIN for no reason last night. I could blame it on Ant for distracting me on IM, but that wasn’t the case this time ;-) I could even say it was because of Facebook. But that wouldn’t be true either. I just couldn’t fall asleep. I guess I was a little off from being out late Saturday night at the SU Reunion party at Katra Lounge where I ran into some SU heads I haven’t seen in a LONG time – Mr. Anthony “Latinegro” Otero included :-) It was SO great to see him, Pop, Kellie, Kerry, Kevin, Krystal (a lot of K’s in there), Mosi, Terry, Arley (who hosted the event) and a host of other alum who came out in abundance that night. It was packed, hot as hell, and E.J. the deejay kept the party live – a great time!

So now it’s Monday, and I can’t stop yawning. Weekends are too short – I could use one more day to get it together. As much as I love my job, I’d rather be curled up on the couch watching The View instead of watching it from my desk. Guess it could be worse – I could be standing in the unemployment line. That thought isn’t even enough to motivate me yet, although it should be. I count my blessings everyday.

I have a Spinning class to get to at 7p tonight, but I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to stay awake until lunch time. I need some help. I need some motivation. Suggestions?

Usually I get motivated to go to the gym by watching Beyonce videos on my iPod or on the Internet. Something about the dance sequence at the end of “Crazy in Love” makes me stay on the elliptical a little longer. For Spinning though, I’ll need some other type of motivation since I won’t be able to use my iPod. Maybe I’ll pretend I’m Lance Armstrong racing to the finish of the Tour de France…who knows.

I’m sure I’ll make it through today, but there are some that find it hard to get up and go to work each and EVERY day. We do it because we need to in order to survive. Some of us are motivated by money. Some of us are motivated by fame or prestige or power. Some are motivated simply because they love what they do. My biggest challenge this morning wasn’t getting dressed to come to work, or even thinking about the gym later. What I worried about MOST this morning...was what to blog about :-) Over the past few months, I’ve rediscovered one of my biggest motivators – Writing.

My family motivates me, my friends motivate me. But writing, on a more personal level, takes me to another place. I feel like it’s something I have to do daily, even if no one reads what I write but me. I’m not famous because I blog. I don’t get paid to do it (even though that would be nice) and my livelihood from a monetary standpoint definitely doesn’t depend on it. Writing is something that I’ve always loved to do from the time I was a little girl, but never pursued it as a career. I was a broadcast journalism major in college, and I write everyday slightly in my day to day at the network. But my creative writing slowed down to just a few poems here and there that I’d jot down every once in a while when the mood hit me. The motivation was gone - until I was convinced to start a blog.

“What would I write about?” I’d use as an excuse not to start writing again.

“I can’t blog everyday, I’d never be able to do it.”

Funny right? :-)

Now I can’t stop. Writing sparks a chemical reaction in me now that I love to share...for no other reason than it makes me happy.

As I type, I feel my energy level rising. With every stroke of a key, I feel like I’m coming to life...waking up finally. If I were to be completely honest with myself, I’d want to be a professional writer, making my own schedule, with a pen and journal in hand laying on the beach. I can dream can’t I?

Is anyone else out there dreaming besides me? It’s never too late. If you’re not doing it now, tell us what you want to be when you grow up. What motivates you to get you where you're going - to be what you want to be?

You know what they say - when you love what you do, your work becomes your play. Are you working? Or are you playing? I think I’m doing both :-)
Happy Monday!

-b

I'm BAAAAAACKKKK! I told you I'd be back with another blog. I could have saved it for Monday, but something about the subject matter just felt like a Friday to me. You know why? You guessed it....cuz CRAIG wrote it! And Friday's and Craig go hand in hand! "Cuz it's Friday, Craig ain't got no job...and you ain't got sh*t to do!" Let me get you in the right frame of mind first:



Shouldn't we be calling Craig "Smokey" instead? Just a thought. Ahem, anyway - this clip was the FIRST thing I thought of when I read Craig's blog today. All I can say is Craig has issues. A straight nut!



TOSSED SALAD: Hold the VEGETABLES...By Craig Verde

How horny or crazy do you have to be to lick someone’s asshole? I don’t mean to be vulgar, but seriously. Now, I’m a grown ass man and I’ve been hornier than two black college bands at the Superdome, but I have to admit that I’m still not MATURE enough to lick on one’s poop chute.

Now, there are two situations where I am in pretty close proximity to the dark CIRCLE...

1. DOGGY STYLE – As we find our groove and I no longer have to concentrate on my A.S.A: AIM, SPEED and ANGLE…

There I am...methodically stroking like an oil drill basking under the Hot Texas sun...It’s only now I have time to take the moment in. Look at her ugly sex face as she turns to take a look at me (I love when she turns and gives me that, ”WTF are you doing to me look”) Priceless...I feel like Leo standing at the tip of the TITANIC. Anywho, it’s at this time I check how dirty the bottom of her feet are... check to see if she lotions the middle of her back, check for beads in the back of her neck. Little things…

THEN, I take a look STRAIGHT DOWN. Right under my nose is the DARK CIRCLE. THE LAND OF YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE...AND THE DAY BEFORE THAT...REMNANTS OF THE ASS PAST. You know when you go to your online history on your computer and it will list EVERY SITE you went to? Well, that’s your ASS. It’s your FOOD HISTORY. You’re very own DEPARTMENT OF SANITATION.

Now, let me say this - Women always ask, "What makes sex good?" What is good KITTEN? When a man is having sex and it feels like a BLOWJOB. Now THAT my people is gooood KITTEN. It’s good when it feels like you’re getting a BLOWJOB. Guys know what the hell I’m talking about. Having said that, it all feels the same...sorry...fucked up, but true. You have to understand that a man’s penis has amnesia, which is why we do what we do...but that’s another blog...Back to ASS.

Now, even when it feels like a BLOWJOB, crazy things go into your head. I wanna’ bite her big toe. I wanna chew on her hair. I look down at the chute - the best I can do is just stick my tongue AT it...that’s it.

For this next piece, I probably shouldn’t have smoked weed before engaging.

2. ORAL SEX – As I slide down from neck to breast to stomach to thighs to...KITTEN - And for those of you who don’t know, a fireman saving a kitten from a tree has so many sexual undertones its ridiculous - but that’s another blog...Back to ASS.

So, as I’m licking the KITTEN, she moans, she turns. I’m turned on like never before. Every once in a while, as I back up from the Kitten to get some air, I would take a sneak peek at the CIRCLE. It flinched! In my head, I’m thinking, ”I think it just winked at me.” I start to blush as I go back to licking the KITTEN. Maybe it’s the fumes, but I’m starting to get light headed. A level of eroticism I’d never encountered in my life - It was surreal. I felt like the possibilities of what I could do to this woman’s body sexually was ENDLESS!!!! I took another look the CIRCLE. It winked at me again! I felt like I was flirting with the cute girl in the club from across the room. The only difference was that it was an...Ass...hole. ;-/(pause)...

So, as tilt my head down closer, The CIRCLE was winking uncontrollably. Like...it was whispering to me. Out loud mind you, I said “what?”

My girl responded, ”What’s wrong baby?” I shot back, ”I’m not talking to you..” Somewhat stunned, she replied, ”oh, okay.” But there it was...whispering stink nothings in my ear. I crept closer. My girl felt my body position changing.

She blurted out a giggle and followed that with a “Oh shit, It’s like that tonight?” But I was in a trance. What was the CIRCLE trying to tell me? I just had to know. I put my ear to the CIRCLE and it whispered ever so gently,”Kiss me.” I responded, ”Now?” My girl answered, ”Who are you talking to?"

”Mind your business,” I shot back. As crazy as I probably sounded to her, she never questioned me with my mouth so close to her ass. I looked at the CIRCLE. There I am, face to ass. Moment of gloryhole - I close my eyes and go in for the kiss. I opened my mouth. The problem was, the CIRCLE opened its mouth too!!!! It opened up like a garage door. I was pushed back by the strong breeze...I look up at my girl.

Me: I can’t...

My Girl: You’re such a fucking punk! Grow up…

Me: I don’t gotta’ take your shit!

As I stormed out the room. One day...

-Craig

TGIF!!

**The following blog was written last night (earlier this morning?) after the game**

Why am I up? Cuz the damn SU v. UConn game went into 6....yes y'all, I said SIX!!! OVERTIMES!!! My heart was beating out my chest! For those of you who didn't see it or stay up to catch the end, you missed the best CLASSIC, HISTORY MAKING GAME EVER!! And I'm SO PROUD my Syracuse Orangemen were a part of it!

I was up with Dre, Serena, Rameer, Maliek, Dwayne, Yolanda, Tanya, Cymando, Moses, Satie, Elimu, April H, Renee, Miko, Marvelie, Edward, and thousands of other SU alum, fans and whoever else was bleeding orange tonight on Facebook! That was fun, and I felt the love from my SU family! Anyone who doubted us can KICK ROCKS!

For those who missed it, here is a clue of the madness that went down at the Garden last night - beginning with the made shot THAT DIDN'T COUNT that sent us into OVERTIME HELL!



I can barely sleep now, but I know I have to. I wish I had better video to show you, but the game ended not that long ago and nothing has really been uploaded yet - Serena and I checked. When I find better video, then I'll change it(**UPDATE - I found a better clip which is now posted***)...but for now, I'm taking my ass to bed, with my orange and blue sweats on...and my orange socks! We play again tonight...if we have something left! It was fun staying up with y'all! Go Orange!

-b

P.S. I may be back with another blog later...but I had to get this up now, I'm so happy! Okay....sleep.

Hola mi gente!

It's Random Thoughts Thursday!

- I saw 2 boys, around age 10, who were playing Patty Cake on the train. I've never seen two boys...of any age...playing Patty Cake before.

- Madoff plead guilty, in jail - taking the fall for his family. Crazy business. Where is the money?

- My friend sent me a pic of my Godson in a wrestling meet. I had no idea he could wrestle...and from the photo he looks good at it!

- I've been drinking hot chocolate all morning.

- I can't wait for the summer to get here.

- It hate it when people request me on Facebook and I don't recall who they are by their name, and their default pic is of their kids...so now I REALLY have no idea who they are. The kids are always cute though :-)

- I can't wait til Kyce's 5th birthday party - where is all the time going?

- Someone remind me to pay my cable bill :-)

- I hate paying for cable when I get it for free at work. Damn Triple Play crap!

- I wanna go to a spa in Mexico like my co-worker Crystal is doing for her vacation this month. I would LOVE that!

- I want pizza for lunch.

- I can't stop listening to these Ne-Yo cd's - Rameer, you are the MAN!

- I'm doing something at the gym tonight called "Functional Training." Have no idea what it is, but we'll see. I may do Kickboxing beforehand.

- I need a relaxer, a cut and need to get my eyebrows done. I feel hairy :-)

- I have my booty cords on today with the boots someone jacked and then returned to me. Love my booty cords!...and my boots!

- Thanks Liz for the stock tips!

- It's practically mid March already...2009 is going fast so far...to me.

- Did I mention I needed a vacation yet today? I do....really bad.

- I miss that hour of sleep. I want it back.

- If you haven't signed up to follow me at Honey, you still can (hint hint)

Go!

-b

Good morning and Happy Hump Day!

It's very dank in the NYC today. It's the kind of weather outside where it's not quite raining...more like spitting. You know, not enough precipitation to warrant an umbrella, but enough to annoy you. Yeah, it's like that outside today.

Maybe the weather is contributing to my mood, which I am working hard to change as I type. When something is weighing heavy on my mind, I tend to over-think, over-analyze and over-react. To get over this, I re-read Serena's blog about "Letting Go Of Yesterday," and I also re-read some inspirational passages she sent me. One of them says, "He who angers you controls you." How true. I've decided to take control back.

While I feel that I am a positive person and a good friend, I know that I am FAR from perfect in that area. I've had friends that have been my aces for over 15 years, and I have some who have been in my life a short time by comparison. I've had to apologize to ALL of them many times for things that I've done and things that I haven't done. When I value a friendship, the last thing I want to do is be responsible for hurting someone's feelings.

I've been told on many occasions that I am too sensitive. I can accept that in a lot of cases. But in most cases, it wasn't that I was reacting because I was too sensitive, but rather I was reacting because someone else was INsensitive. One thing I try to never do, especially where my friends are concerned, is dismiss their feelings. After all, feelings are feelings...and we can't always help when we're overcome by them. Even if I never intended to hurt someone, even when I have a perfectly good explanation for why they feel the way they do and yes, even when I think that they may be just a little too sensitive, I apologize for the hurt feelings they have anyway.

Last week I told you of a friend who hurt my feelings. Yesterday, that same friend told me that I didn't see how I was at fault for my hurt feelings. I'm not sure which hurts more, the hurt feelings...or the dismissal of those hurt feelings. It's like being slapped on the cheek, only to turn my face so that they can slap the other one. Instead of helping me understand or saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way"(even though she didn't mean to hurt me), she blamed me for how I felt. Wow.

Some see an apology as an admission of wrong doing. For me, most times an apology is simply an ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of someone else's feelings. That is all most of us really want - for someone to acknowledge how we feel. It's not hand holding, it's not catering and it's not beneath us. I will never be so full of myself to the point where I can never acknowledge a friend's feelings...no matter how big or small, wrong or right. If I love you, I will always care how you feel, and I will never blame a friend for feeling the way they do - whether I caused it or not. It's not about blame. In playing the blame game, we shift our own shortcomings to others and give ourselves opportunities to forgive the faults we can't bear to look at in ourselves.

I've decided to let it go. He who angers you controls you. Serena's blog reminds me that living in the past will only imprison me in the present, keeping me from moving forward. So it's squashed. Life shows us how to live and love by example. But it also teaches us by sending us relationships that challenge us to be loving. Our most difficult relationships offer us our greatest opportunities to grow in wisdom and openheartedness.

The difficulty we have in forgiving is underscored by the fact that we often would rather feel bad than forgive. Iyanla Vanzant says that "forgiveness (and letting go) is a pain reliever." It frees those who forgive, and it is the forgiver who benefits most. Serena sent me a Key Thought and a Prayer to pray, which I have done and will share. Both say:

KEY THOUGHT:

Jesus' words draw us to the values of our Heavenly Father. Rather than passively accepting evil, we are to overcome evil with good. We are to work redemption in the face of mistreatment like the suffering servant in Isaiah who suffers, serves, and redeems in the face of attack and ridicule. Jesus reminds us that we are to redeem rather than to try to get even. A slap on the cheek in Jesus' day was more a social insult than a physical injury. In our day, we seldom slap someone on the cheek to embarrass or humiliate that person. Instead, we shoot them a "zinger," cut them down sarcastically, or tell a joke at their expense. This is out of bounds for believers. Such talk does not accomplish the redemption God has called us to share with others.

TODAY'S PRAYER:

Holy and patient Father, please strengthen me so that I will look for ways to redeem those who shame and humiliate me. I know that vengeance will only poison my heart and alienate me from the insulting party. Give me grace to react with kindness even toward those who are unkind to me. In the name of the one who did not rebuke his accusers I pray.

All is forgotten, all is forgiven. I've let go, let God, and I have my control back. Thank you Serena!

Amen.

-b

Happy Tuesday!

First I'd like to thank everyone for their well wishes yesterday. I feel much better today, even though my head still feels a little foggy.

I'd also like to thank Rameer for my Ne-Yo cd's! I will be jamming to them all afternoon as I download songs into my iPod.

Lastly, I'd like to thank all that made purchases for my nephew's school fundraiser. Kyce had over $1,200 in sales, and as a result he was the fundraising WINNER for his class! Kyce, my family, Villanova Academy for Honor Students and I thank you so much for your support!

Last night Kyce called me to thank me for helping him win. He won a $100 gift certificate to Toys R Us and an ice cream party for his class. Needless to say he was ecstatic! I don't know who was more excited, me or him! I think he was :-) He offered to share his prize with me, even though I don't think I need or want anything from Toys R Us...even though I never get tired of ice cream :-)



Hearing the excitement in his voice made me remember back to when I was selling stuff for school fundraisers back in the day. It seems like the memories of those times never really go away. Childhood to me signifies a great spirit of nostalgia - as being that carefree, happy, ideal time of life.



I had a happy childhood. I never found the restrictions of childhood irksome or frustrating. Most times children can't WAIT to grow up because they feel they'll be more adequate or have more freedom. As I grew up, I gloried in my sense of self and wisdom, and there is a sense of liberty that being grown up gives me. But now that I am an adult, I would like nothing more then to relive some of those years as a child.



I don’t want to have to work out life’s problems - as a child...life just seemed to work itself out. Now, some of us try to make a week's worth of money stretch to pay a year's worth of bills. I don’t want to worry about food and dinner, and the demands of my life. I want to say what’s on my mind and have people think it's cute and not offensive, or confusing. I want to lie on the grass and stare up at the sky and watch the clouds float by. I want the hardest thing about my week to be learning my vocabulary list or counting to 100. I want someone else to clean up after me, buy my clothes, make my bed, play with me when I want them to, feed me my meals and blow zurburts (sp? LOL)on my stomach. I want to once again believe that those I love live forever, and that a kiss can make my boo boo go away. I want life to be simple again.



Through my nephews and all the other children in my life, I get to see things for the first time again. Like seeing an airplane in the sky as Ibrahim likes to point out.



Or the excitement they feel when they see a train go by...wondering where it's going. I spent this past Saturday with them in the playground and allowed myself to be a Toys R Us kid again. As I ran, pushed them in swings and jumped up and down, all of my cares felt like they were swept away, and all of my worries seemed less significant. Who knew a visit to the local playground could release the child within?



If we start to live our life with the excitement we did as a kid, we will never look back at our life with unfilled dreams. Through the children in my life, I find that I remember more often to find pleasure in the simple things in life. So, remember to make time to play. Find time to laugh deeply and often. Take some time to dream. Go on...become a kid again.



-b

Hello everyone,

Sorry for the late post, but I'm home a little under the weather today. I had a decent weekend with my family. I spent the entire warm day on Saturday with my nephews at the playground and tried to rest on Sunday. My arms were killing me from my personal training session this past Friday, so that was a bummer. It wasn't even a "good" burn, but more like a "I feel like my arms are being sliced with a knife" type feeling. And to top it off, my beloved accountant, Mr. Lloyd Miller - one of the nicest, sweetest, most intelligent people I know - passed away Sunday morning...the day I was supposed to get my taxes done. The sad news put a damper on my weekend and after driving back late last night, helped contribute to the serious migraine I had this morning.

On March 8th, 2009, one of the best people, and accountants, passed away.

On March 9th, 1997, one of the best (THE BEST in my opinion) MC's passed away. It's been 12 years since Biggie left us, and he is STILL sorely missed. His songs are still hot, and relevant, today. I can't believe I still haven't seen the movie Notorious yet, but I will...no question. Maybe if I can get rid of this headache I'll see if it's still playing anywhere. If not, it'll be a dvd that I'll own when it's released.

Since my brain is still throbbing, I'll end this here. God willing, we'll have a better discussion tomorrow, but for now, I'm getting back in the bed.

May they both rest in peace and bask in God's awesome power and love.

Chat soon my peoples!








-b

TGIF!!!

I'm so happy it's Friday. I'm really looking forward to the weekend. Hopefully today will be less busy for me so I can get out of here and get on the road. My babies await me! :-)

By now I'm sure you all have heard about Chris Brown being charged yesterday with felony counts of assault and making criminal threats stemming from a fight he had with Rihanna. If he is convicted, the sentence could range from probation to time spent in prison. Rihanna has asked the judge not to prohibit CB from having contact with her, which was granted. This link has the details of what reportedly happened that night.

If everything that was written in the affidavit was true, then...wow. I feel for both of them if the events transpired the way the CNN article described.

I also find it disturbing that Rihanna would want to remain in contact with him if the things written were true. I think I'd find it kinda hard to remain friends with someone who slammed my head into a car door, bit me and had me in a headlock - all while continuing to drive! Buffoonery doesn't even BEGIN to describe the alleged accounts of what happened. More like sickening.

Now that the facts are coming out slowly via police reports and affidavits, I find that I get increasingly annoyed with people who say, "well still, we weren't there so we don't know what happened." None of us can bear witness to EVERY thing that happens in the world, but just because we don't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. I've never seen Whitney smoke either, but that doesn't mean she never got high.

The article says the police retrieved text messages from CB to Rihanna where he reportedly said he was sorry and that he was going to get help. That sounds a little bit like a confession to me. Not saying it IS a confession, but I'm jus sayin. Those bruises on her face weren't self inflicted, and given that there were no real visible injuries he sustained, it's pretty clear he wasn't acting in self defense - at least not to the point where he felt the need to do the damage he did.

But aside from Chrihanna, what is sad is that domestic abuse happens every 15 seconds in the US. EVERY 15 SECONDS. That is tragic. There are some that escape the cycle of abuse, and sadly there are some who remain in abusive relationships for a number of reasons. Some fail to leave because of fear - they're afraid the abuser will kill them if they leave. Sad thing is, they may kill them if they stay.

Some stay because they feel they deserve to be abused or punished for something they may have done to provoke a violent reaction. Some stay for financial reasons, or for the children. The reasons are endless. But you only need ONE reason to leave - and that's because as a child of God, no one has the right to hurt you.

Rihanna has money, fame, no children, support of friends and family and the rest of her bright life ahead of her. I hope that she is able to heal from this and knows the value of her life. No one can tell her who to love or be friends with - all we can do is pray that she has peace, happiness and health.

I pray the same thing for Chris Brown. They will both need help and I hope they both seek it. Both have stated their belief in God, and if they seek Him and His boundless grace, the distance between our missteps and stumbles also grows. Our relationships work, primarily because we share a philosophy, faith and outlook that prompts us to seek God in all and entirely within ourselves. We can reflect and seek truth to give us strength, and remembering these truths while continuing to grow in wisdom is part of our ongoing challenge.

It doesn't matter who started what, who swung first or whatever else happened that night that we "didn't see." If two people are in a relationship where they are hitting and trying to physically hurt each other, then it's relationship that should end. Our challenge is not to look for love, but to be it. Love knows its own and it will find you. Ultimately, the person you are seeking is you. Find yourself, and you will find a source of love sufficient to fulfill your every desire, attract your greatest good fortune and create abundant happiness in your life always.

-b

It's Random Thoughts Thursday!!!

I'm going to see Watchmen tonight!!! I've avoided Dre, Rameer and Ant long enough for them NOT to tell me about the movie, except to say that it was great. I'm looking forward to it! Some of you have told me that you've never seen the trailer - which is a shocker to me! But if you've been living under a rock, here it is! (you can skip the commentary at the end if you want)



Now...thoughts:

- I feel another cold coming on.
- I'm getting my taxes done on Sunday, finally!
- Liz is going with me, trying out my tax guy - so I hope he hooks her up!
- I like the earrings I have on today.
- Last night, I saw a woman on the train dipping Doritos in cheesecake and eating them. I love Doritos and cheesecake...just not together...YUK!
- My Ne-Yo cd's are in the mail, thanks Rameer!
- Salad again for lunch...maybe some soup too.
- The trainer David at NYSC is stalking me.
- I have to go to the bank so I can get $100 in singles to give to my nephew :)
- I can't wait to see my family this weekend!
- My cell phone is too slippery, I'm constantly dropping it.
- I'm looking forward to spring time. It's supposed to be close to 60 degrees this weekend!
- I need another manicure, but my pedicure (that I did myself) is still going strong!
- Somebody remind me to pay my car insurance online today :)
- I want to read a really good book....on the beach :)
- Did I mention I was going to see Watchmen tonight? ;-)

Okay...go!

-b

Happy Hump Day - DuWayne and Will! Yes, I'm talking to you! LOL!

Can I just say, Michelle Obama is stunning. Absolutely stunning!



So it killed me when critics labeled her as "inappropriate" for baring her arms and "showing too much skin" at President Obama's address to Congress last week. I mean...really?

Her breasts weren't spilling out of her top, cleavage in everyone's face trying to draw attention to them. She wasn't dressed like she was going to the club. Didn't flash any thigh. She simply went sleeveless in a sophisticated, beautiful dress - just like the classic dress she wore for her official White House photo pictured above.

Are people really that envious of her? Are they just looking for something - ANYTHING - to find wrong with her? It's as if the critics can't STAND the fact that not only is she brilliant, but she's a fit, toned, strong and healthy woman.

I, for one, admire how well she takes care of herself. She's spoken in interviews about getting up at 5:30am to work out. I can barely wake up early enough to get to work on time at 9:30am (okay..9:45...okay sometimes 10), let alone set aside time to work out. She makes herself and her health a priority - just another reason to love her in all her fabulosity.

Last night as I was wrapping up at work, I was telling my sister that I just wanted to go home and relax. I've had a trying couple of days, and I just wanted to chill. But then I saw this picture of me on Facebook that made me cringe. I emailed the pic to my sister to show her what I looked like in the photo so she could give me the honest truth - and boy did she. Nicole is my mirror and my conscience. Needless to say I didn't go straight home last night, but carried my wide hips to the gym instead.

I dragged my wagon to NYSC and sauntered into the studio where the boxing class was about to begin. I was already dreading it. My boxing instructor is a beast, and he can actually be quite mean when he wants to motivate us. He realized I had been making the gym my favorite charity lately, so he decided to punish me since I missed a couple classes. After we'd been sparring for about 5 minutes, him trying to punch me in the face like he was Chris Brown, and right before I was about to cuss his ass out - I thought about Michelle Obama's arms. Next thing you know, HE was the one ducking. I pictured myself in her Michael Kors sleeveless dress, and almost kicked his ass! Talk about motivation!

If the First Lady, who has two girls to raise and a President to hold down, can get up at 5am to make fitness a priority, then surely I can do better. Sure, I'd love to replace Poland Springs water with Snapple 8 times a day. Of course after a hard day at work I'd love to go home and veg out in front of the tv or play around on Facebook all night. But at some point, these can't be options for me anymore. There are only two choices to make - be lazy and unhealthy, or fight it and be fit. I'd much rather pry myself out of bed early or walk my behind to the gym at night than hasten the death of my spirit by not taking care of my body...one spoonful at a time.

As the spring approaches, I could easily say it's about getting into a size smaller jeans, or wearing a flirty dress, or even going sleeveless like our fierce First Lady. But it's really not about that. I miss my athletic, healthy self. It's not about vanity, it's about taking care of ME first.

Will I give up a half hour of sleep in the morning, or will I give up a half hour of my pilates dvd? Am I willing to push myself to the gym at the end of the day even when I'm tired, or will I hate myself when I get home as I realize I could have watched tv on the elliptical machine at the gym? Will I do whatever it takes to obtain the healthy body that I want to build, or will I complain that there aren't enough hours in the day to take care of ME? These struggles will be daily attempts at courage - not just the acquisition of a cute figure - that I hope will one day be permanent changes in my life. I have to forgive myself for failing time and time again to do what is right for me, and simply rise up to start over again no matter how many times I have to do it. (**doing bicep curls**) First Lady - watch out!

-b

It's the first Tuesday of the month...so I guess we can try it again - TMI TUESDAYS!



That scene always cracks me up! Would you ever tell anyone you were running down the street in your damn drawers, hiding in a chicken coop because you were high? Nah...I wouldn't either :) I don't get drunk and I've never been high, so I have no really good drunk or high stories to tell...unless you count the time I got hit on by a lesbian the 1 out of 2 times I've been drunk in my life. But I digress....

It's hard for me to think of too many things to tell that are TMI. You all already know about my toy situation, which hasn't be rectified yet. I was hoping to get a gift certificate to The Pink Pussycat or something for my birthday, but no such luck ;) Oh well, guess I'll have to make a trip downtown and figure out what my next purchase will be, LOL!!

I could tell you about the "Godzilla" I had in my stomach (as Su would say). Last weekend I ate something that had my stomach bubbling all day...glad that's over. Last time that happened to me was when I ate Indian food off the street. And yes, I know better, but it was sooo good! Never again. My stomach erupted. Not sexy at all :)

So I guess I can keep this short and sweet today since it's TMI Tuesday. Anyone have anything to share that we don't really need to know? If so, let's hear it...I'm a little bit afraid :-)

Go!

-b

Good morning!

I hope you all either made it to work safely, or are warm and cozy at home. I braved the elements and came in and have had meeting after meeting, so I apologize for the late post. Today I have a guest, and you know her...my sister-friend Serena! Go!



Hello my good peoples and Happy Monday! Brooke, thanks again for letting me share thoughts on your blog! You're the bomb!

I wrote this piece a couple of weeks back, and when I posted it on my blog I got some comments both on and offline. I was happy to know that it touched people in such a way and also to know that people like myself had to learn to let go of yesterday. I was in church a couple of weeks back and was blown away by the sermon that my pastor delivered titled, "The Spirit of Excellence." The title alone had me going, but what he said about letting go of our yesterdays was something that hit home for me.

He said that a lot of us live in yesterday. Whether it's good or bad - but we stay stuck on what happened and lose focus on today and the future. A lot of us can't seem to move on from the bad things that once happened. He said that living in yesterday will ruin today and destroy your tomorrow! Wow!

As I vigorously took notes, I thought of all the hurt feelings I had about my yesterdays. Whether it was a relationship gone bad, losing someone close, a friend tripping on me (yeah we've all been through this), the job bugging, etc - thinking to myself...my God I could be ruining today and destroying my tomorrow.

In that one sermon, I made a vow to myself to let go! It's so hard and the process isn't easy, but I have a bright and colorful future ahead of me and the last thing I want to do is destroy what God has in store for me by staying stuck in the past.

I prayed for a friend of mine (well once friend) that recently stopped talking to me. Not only was I cut off, but so were other friends and even some family. Apparently she goes through spells of disconnecting herself with loved ones when she is either dating or in love - returning home when something goes wrong.

Yes, I was initially mad that we are in our 30's and people still act like they are whipped, but after today I had to tell her through my spirit "good bye." I can't be upset that she got caught up and stopped talking to a bunch of us. I have so many things to do, and if I stay stuck on being mad, then weeks can go by and nothing will be resolved, work won't be done and I'm not about to hinder my gift of writing and my dreams for anyone.

I also thought about old loves, as we all do from time to time...one in particular. I breathed with ease during the sermon that the ill feelings I once had towards him are really gone. Is that a good thing?...no...it's great! Who wants to remain in limbo wondering about the would've, could've, should've? I had to let go of the fact that not only our did our relationship end, but that an 11 year friendship ended and may never be again - which is fine. All of the words that stung in our final blows, insults, him calling me out my name (oh yes and I didn't pull the earrings out either) have fallen to the wayside. I truly believe that God put him in my life for a reason and a season, and I thank him for that. No one wants to see a friend go and it end ugly - but learn from it, see what their purpose was and keep moving forward.

So I say all of this because someone out there will read this and they are stuck. They wonder why their life isn't transforming after prayers, meditation, talking with loved ones, etc. Life is going by without them. I repeat...life is going by without them! It's because you need to get up, dust yourselves off and move on. Life has so much to offer, and I don't want to ever be in a position again where I'm living in yesterday. So let's reminisce, learn, laugh about the past when there were good moments - and even bad - but look forward to bright futures, more funny times, accomplishing our dreams and being supportive of each other.

Think about what you're stuck on, what's preventing you from moving forward...is it yourself? What are your dreams, goals and aspirations and why aren't you making moves? Or is it that a special someone in your life - whether it's a significant other, parent, or even fam - that is holding onto yesterday and hindering you?

Sometimes we can be our own barriers. We are a sharing group on Brooke's blog and you never know...your shared thoughts could enlighten and inspire someone else who needs to let go.

I hope today someone will read this and say...I'm letting go of yesterday. Peace and Luv.

Brooke thanks for giving me this opportunity to share with the peeps!

Sincerely,

Serena T. Wills