Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Tuesday everyone! This MAY be my last post of 2008 - not sure yet. But just in case, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Now, let me present....

Brookeybaby's Personal 2008 Year in Review.

What can I say about 2008? First, I can say I'm so thankful to have lived another year - happy and healthy. My friends and family are happy and healthy. God is good, and I've celebrated so many blessings this year.

I loved this year. I loved hard. Loved my family and friends. I gave some awesome hugs in 2008. Almost everyone on the receiving end of those hugs deserved them - some didn't. But you know what? Those hugs felt good at the time - and that's all that mattered.

I forgave this year, and asked to be forgiven. It wasn't always easy, but I did it - and I'm healed because of it.

I learned this year. So many things...

I learned that you can't make friends be the friends you want them to be, but that you have to accept them just the way they are. If you can't, let them go. I've learned that all I can do is be the type of friend I'd want to have....and that's not always easy. I learned I may not always be the best friend in the history of friends - but I can always try. I thank all my friends who accept me, just as I am.

I gave a lot in 2008. I gave my time, my love, my space, advice, hugs, kisses, body, mind, soul, spirit, gifts.....me. And I received just as much...if not more. I learned I can always give more. Love more. Hug more. Kiss more. Be More.

I learned to speak up for myself - at work and in my relationships. I know my worth, and I asked for what I wanted. Maybe in 2009 I'll get it ;-) Let me amend that - I WILL get it in 2009.

I learned sometimes it's good to NOT GET what you ask for. God knows what's good for you...and what isn't.

I set goals in 2008 - some of them I've achieved. Some not. I will set goals again in 2009...more realistic ones. Attainable ones. Don't get me wrong, I'll still dream and reach for the moon and the stars. I'll grab a fistful....two fists full :-)

I made some great friends in 2008, and I've lost a few. But I've learned that if I could lose them, then they weren't friends to begin with. I held on to friends...tight. I tried to breathe life into old friendships while sinking my teeth into new ones. I tried to let all of my friends in 2008 know how much I appreciate them, and I will try to continue that in the new year, God willing.

In 2008 I took chances, made mistakes, felt sadness, got my feelings hurt, rebounded, felt relieved that I got my joy back, congratulated friends on new births, got out of my comfort zone, got back in it, lost weight, gained it back, lost some again. I missed my family, made good use of my personal time, realized I don't give myself enough personal time, put others' needs before my own, set some boundaries, stuck to my guns, folded when I shouldn't have, second guessed myself, done things I knew I shouldn't have, done some silly things, laughed at myself, laughed uncontrollably, laughed through heartache, smiled when I wanted to be sad. I listened, I talked my friends' ears off, stayed up late when I should have gone to bed, lost sleep over things that in the end didn't even matter, and talked all night about everything and nothing and loved every minute of it!

In 2008, I witnessed history (President Barack Obama! still loving that!)

This year marked another year of personal growth and wonderful experiences that taught me some of life's abundant lessons.

In 2009, the truth is...I have no idea what's in store. All I know is I'm ready for it. This year, instead of making a laundry list of things that I resolve to do, I will simply say this: This year, I'm putting myself back on the list. Oprah says in this month's issue of O Magazine that she "took herself off the priority list."

So did I.

In 2009, I'll rise back to the top of my priority list. I'm not sure I was ever really at the top of it. In 2009, I'll get there.

I'll take better care of myself. I'll eat better. I'll move more. I'll be a superstar at work while realizing I can't do EVERYTHING and that the work will still be waiting for me tomorrow. I'll go home at a decent hour. I'll get more sleep. I'll cook for myself and pack my lunch more. I'll set a budget and stick to it. I'll make better investments - with my money, my time and my energy. I'll continue to nurture those relationships that enrich me, that elevate and renew me. I'll let some things go...some people go, that don't uplift me or encourage me. I won't apologize for being a little selfish. I'll pamper myself. I'll listen to my body. I'll feed my spirit. I'll trust myself and listen to God. I'll realize that I'll have more to give of myself - my best self - when I take care of myself first - when I put myself at the top of the list.

Now, maybe that seemed like a laundry list to you :-) But if I put myself AT THE TOP of that list, all of those things - everything ON that list - will just naturally fall into place. The only thing I resolve to do in 2009 is simply put myself BACK ON THE LIST...and work my way to the TOP.

What is your 2008 personal truth? What do you resolve to do in '09?

Give me your year in review and I'll see you in the New Year! Be safe! Many blessings!

-b

Happy Day-After-Christmas Friday!

I'm still feeling the spirit of Christmas! I had the best day with my family yesterday, especially my nephews. Those boys are my heart's joy! I love love love love love them!

Since we didn't have Random Thoughts Thursday yesterday, we can have "Tell Me What's on Your Mind" Friday :-) I don't know how many of you are around - you all may still be recovering from yesterday, out shopping or returning gifts, or just chillin' (hopefully not working) - but if you're around, feel free to post what's on your mind.

On my mind this morning? My sadness at the loss of one of our greatest, most distinctive entertainment icons. With her suggestive, raspy voice, she brought an exotic sensuality and feline verve to all her performances. Called home at the age of 81, this remarkable singer, dancer, actress and self-professed "sex-kitten," will be sorely missed - Ms. Eartha Kitt.



Love her!

What else is on my mind...??? Hmmmm...let's see....

- my nephews have discovered farting in the bathtub....nice.
- I wish my hair was braided up right now. If I could find a decent place in Philly to do it, I would. I just want to shave it all off!
- I have to go to the mall today to return/exchange stuff and I SO don't feel like it!
- Rameer, you can't "out-poke" me!
- I hope the Eagles THRASH the Cowboys this weekend...playoffs or no playoffs.
- ...oh, and Rameer, I still have on my green McNabb jersey...jus sayin' :-)
- I learned how to make Indonesian shrimp fried rice! So tasty!
- Now I need to buy a rice cooker.
- Let's see if I make it to Ballys sometime this weekend.
- I have so many movies to see - 7 Pounds, Milk, the list goes on!
- Thank you to everyone who called or texted me Merry Christmas yesterday!

Okay, that's it. Have a great day and a wonderful weekend!

-b

Merry Christmas!

REMEMBER:

Jesus is better than Santa.
Santa lives at the North Pole;
JESUS is everywhere.
Santa rides in a sleigh;
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year;
JESUS is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies;
JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited;
JESUS stands at your door and knocks.. and then enters your heart.
You have to stand in line to see Santa;
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap;
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name,
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly;
JESUS has a heart full of love.
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO;
JESUS offers health, help and hope.
Santa says, "You better not cry!"
JESUS says, "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."
Santa's little helpers make toys;
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.
Santa may make you chuckle, but....
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree,
JESUS became our gift and died on the tree.

It's obvious there is really no comparison.

We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about.
We need to put Christ back in Christmas.

Jesus is still the reason for the season.

May the Lord bless and watch over you and your loved ones this Christmas, and may He prosper and bless the work of your hands in the New Year!

-b

Happy Christmas Eve!

About 2 years ago, my sister converted to Islam. She was afraid to tell me, afraid of what I might say or think. I was taken back at first, but not shocked. After all, she married a Muslim and they were raising my nephews to follow Islam. Even though he never told her she had to convert, I knew she was always interested in learning more about Islam. She never felt pressured, and every year she had a Christmas tree in her living room - he even cooked Christmas dinner. Married for 8 years, together for 10, he loved her - no matter who she called God. And I love her the same way. When we stand before God on Judgment Day, we stand alone. Who we pray to is our choice and our choice alone. If Islam brings her peace, then I support her. I will love her no matter who she worships.

Riding with her to pick up Kyce from school yesterday, she pointed out all the pretty houses decorated with wreaths, lights and fake reindeer on front lawns. "Wait til you see the one on the next corner, it's REALLY pretty," she says excitedly. We then hear Johnny Gill's rendition of a popular Christmas carol on the radio and we sing along. She still seems to enjoy this time of year, even though it's not "her holiday" anymore. So I ask, "do you miss Christmas?"

After all, this is the same younger sister who would wait up at night with me on Christmas Eve, excited at the chance to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus. This is the same younger sister who would be giddy when she opened gift after gift on Christmas morning. One Christmas, we each received 4 Barbie Dolls - so my sister wound up with 8 because I didn't play with dolls. That was one of her favorite Christmases.

With so many memories to share, how could she NOT miss Christmas?

"No, not really...I don't really miss it," she says. I accept that. But then she continues, "If anything, I feel bad that you don't really have Christmas because you're at my house and there's no tree...I feel bad more that YOU don't have Christmas."

I think about that for a moment.

Yes, it would be nice to take my nephews to go see Santa at the mall and watch them sit on a creepy man's lap. Kyce LOVES all the lights and asks my mother, "Nana, are you having Christmas?" I'm not sure if he gets why he doesn't celebrate Christmas - he just knows there's a gazillion commercials on tv advertising toys, toys, toys and more toys. He knows something is going on. So yes, I'd love to see the excitement in his eyes as he bakes cookies for Santa. I'd love to help them compose letters to old St. Nick telling him what good boys they were. I would love to see them in a festive outfit in church, singing hymns and re-enacting Mary and Joseph with baby Jesus in a manger. But I will never share that with my nephews. Maybe I will with my best friends' children, but not with Kyce and Ibrahim.

Do I miss celebrating Christmas with my sister? Absolutely. But is the magic gone? No, not really. There is just something about Christmas Eve.

The first half of Christmas Eve is pure crazy with people rushing to finish their shopping, work or whatever has to be done before Christmas Day. But about the time the sun goes down, I begin to feel like it’s a holiday. Stores begin to close and a quiet peacefulness sets in. In this peace, I am reminded of what the holiday means.

Christmas means that Jesus was born for me. I am here because of His grace and mercy. It is because of Him that I am able to wake up every morning, with a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food to eat and blessings to share. It is because of Him that I am able to spend time with those I love. It is because He was born that I am saved. There is magic in that. Not just on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but EVERY day.

I don't need a tree or presents to remind me of the true meaning of Christmas. I don't need to see my nephews dressed up as reindeer, baking cookies for Santa or opening gifts to feel that "feeling." With the love of my family and friends, Christmas is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

However and wherever you celebrate this year, or even if you don’t celebrate at all, I hope that you find peace, hope and joy - and yes...magic.

-b

What's happening my people!?

Okay, I think my cousin is crazy. Yeah, I said it. But I'll let you decide.

She's dating a new guy, a colleague from work. At first she didn't want to date him, because he was "too nice."

"He rubs my feet and stuff..." (as if that was a bad thing).

I guess he wore her down because she started seeing him.

This man treats her like a queen. Breakfast in bed. Massages her scalp. He even gave her a key to his place. "He probably treats all his women like queens."

He even gave her so much access that she managed to "accidentally" fall into his email. She found old emails from when they first started dating about a month or two ago from women who "missed him."

"What if he's messing around on me or seeing these other women too?"

Then I get a text - "his phone has a password on it, damn!"

I tell her to stop snooping. She says I call it "snooping"...she calls it "being informed." She then says she never intended on becoming the type of woman who snoops, but says when she fell upon the emails, she got a rush.

Yesterday she texts me that he has a page on Black Planet that he checks daily..."with his shirt off and chest all out."

She's killing me.

She says the reason she feels she needs to be "informed" about him is because when she asked him why he and his ex got divorced, he said "what happened between a man and his wife should stay between a man and his (ex) wife."

Now, I understand wanting to know. I'd want to know too. But I feel that she should let it go and give it some time to see where their relationship goes before attempting to have the conversation again. She wants to know NOW.

So, here we are. I am going to let you all weigh in and see what you think. I have my opinions, but I think she's tired of hearing mine :)

She calls it being "nosey." I call it being insecure. She says she's been too trusting in the past and it backfired. I say not all men are out to deceive or hurt you. She wants to know NOW what's going on. I say it's only been a couple of months. She says, "you know you can't trust no man." I say, "who's the one invading his privacy and then tell me who can't be trusted?"

She may kill me for blogging about this, but I DID tell her I was going to do it. Now it's done - and so am I. What do you think?

-b

Happy Monday!

"I bust the windows out ya car..."

I was discussing this song with my boy Reggie last week and decided to kick off this Monday's discussion with the topic. I don't know how many of you are around, but I hope enough of you read this today so I can get your opinions on the subject.

Amanda burned the Jazmine Sullivan cd for me and I love it! When I first heard her voice, she reminded me of Lauryn Hill. I miss L-Boogie (damn Marley's made her crazy), so Jazmine is giving me my fix.

Now, this song right here...well, watch the video.



This song might as well be called "The Fastest Way to Get Your Ass Whooped!" Busting windows out of cars? First of all, how can you do that and not get caught? Wouldn't breaking glass create A LOT of noise and draw crazy attention? Where is this car located that no one would stop you from busting out windows?

I bust the windows out ya car
And no it didn’t mend my broken heart
I’ll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now I don’t care about that part

Second, why play yourself? Usually when women do stuff like this, it doesn't hurt the man, it just makes you look like a psycho! We should leave revenge up to God - but I know we're human, so we may feel the need to get revenge ourselves. So if you're going to get revenge, try to hurt his feelings - not make him angry! You might turn up missing and then they'll find you chopped up in a bunch of itty bitty pieces if he catches you busting windows out his ride. I'm surprised Left Eye's behind didn't get choked out for burning dude's house down! WTF? Ladies, ladies, ladies...

I bust the windows out ya car
After I saw you laying next to her
I didn’t wanna but I took my turn
I’m glad I did it cause you had to learn…

Now, don't get me wrong, I know men wild out too. But I think women are more likely to tear up a man's ish than simply leave his punk ass alone. I know you're angry that you caught him laying up next to some chick - I get that. But busting windows out his car? Get yourself killed if you want to...I'm not the one! I wanna live!

I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you’d feel when you saw it
I didn’t know that I had that much strength
But I’m glad you see what happens when…

Men, keep a close eye on the women you mess with and watch how you treat them. If you know you're doing dirt, you better make sure you either don't get caught, or are dealing with a sane woman who will not bust up your stuff or pour bleach on your favorite throwback jersey when you DO get caught....cuz chances are, you WILL. Or better yet, just don't do dirt. How bout dat?

You see can’t just play with people’s feelings
Tell them you love them and don’t mean it
You’ll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

Also, if you're dealing with a woman who is combative, argumentative, vindictive, violent or spiteful, you might want to get rid of her BEFORE she catches you - or else busted windows won't be the only thing you have to worry about. She might try to hurt YOU. We always hear about men hitting women, but there are women out there who are just as ruthless. A woman can bust dat ass just as quickly as a man can. TRUST!

I bust the windows out ya car
You should feel lucky that that’s all I did
After five whole years of this bullshit
Gave you all of me and you played with it

I know first-hand it hurts to get cheated on. I know it hurts when we've been lied to. I can see wanting to bust up his car if he did you wrong. I know. But hurt and bitterness, like love, creates after it's own kind. Our resentment and acts of revenge rarely disturb the person who hurt us, but rather it destroys the host - emotionally, spiritually - and potentially physically.

But it don’t comfort to my broken heart
You could never feel how I felt that day
Until it happens baby you don’t know pain

When we seek revenge on someone who has wronged us, we wound ourselves.

Even though all that you did to me was much worse
I had to do something to make you hurt, yeah
Oh, but why am I still cryin’?
Why am I the one whose still cryin’?

The women who bust up cars usually end up looking crazy to the men who hurt them. Men don't think, "oh wow, I messed up, she really hates me and I'm wrong." No, no, no! They think, "I'm glad I got rid of that crazy b*tch!" So now you've been hurt AND you look like a nut. Not a good look!

You broke my heart
So I broke ya car
You caused me pain (You caused me pain)
So I did the same

You want to really get him back? Forgive him - and then leave him alone. The best way to get over pain is to choose love - it heals everything in its path. Living a happy life (without him) is the best revenge.

When we're mad and want to get back at someone, rather than allowing that anger to lead us to lash out, ask the Spirit to guide you. See what it is we can learn from the experience. Keeping our cool in the face of anger and pain is the key to self mastery. Don't let anger consume or control you. Let it go.

I know it's easier said than done, but remember - God takes care of folks MUCH better than we can. Let the universe deal with it - and keep yourself from getting your ass beat in the process!

-b

TGIF!

As promised, today's blog will be about Great Gift Ideas for under $50. I had an overwhelming response to this one, so let's get right to it! Responses I received in no particular order:

* Lotions & body washes from Bath & Body Works. Different cd’s or dvd’s. Movie tickets. A book. - Leesa

* This year since I’ll definitely be cutting back, I’m giving my brothers and sisters in law joint gifts - A $50 gift certificate to their favorite restaurant. It might not pay for the whole meal, but it will inspire them to go on a date. Plus you technically paid $25 each..lol! Gas cards (probably better idea when gas was like $1000 a gallon) but still useful! Lol - Annamaria.

* The Dark Knight DVD, The Secret (Book or DVD), soaps or items from Carol’s Daughter, A bottle of Veuve Clicquot Champagne, a nice coffee table book, a gift card to Best Buy, Barnes and Noble, or a store of preference, a nice cologne or perfume, a massage, manicure and/or pedicure gift certificate. - Rene

* 1) A beautiful framed picture of you and that person. 2) Go to www.givecoupons.com -Love this site! Brooke put me on and I think it's a really cool concept :-) 3) A gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure :-) 4) Netflix for a month :-) 5) For a writer: A beautiful leather journal in their favorite color. 6) For a reader: A good book or a gift certificate to a book store. 7) Gift certificate to the movies. 8) A DVD movie directed by their favorite Director or starring their favorite actor. 9 )Make a really fly playlist for them and put it on a CD. 10) A Devotional Bible. - Amanda (these were numbered, so you know they came from her) LOL!

* There's plenty of great finds out there under $50. Personally speaking, I purchased a luggage locator as a gift ($19.99), an electronic gadget available at Macys or Bed,Bath & Beyond. At Pier 1 Imports, they have great gifts for under $20 (picture frames, sachet pouches for your dresser drawers, nice candle sets). At Bath & Body Works, they already have 50% off select items. Also check out the Holiday Flea Markets in Grand Central Terminal and Bryant Park. - Crystal

* I don't have a shopping tip under 50 bucks, but I do have a website that gives you MONEY BACK everytime you shop with partner stores. It's called MrRebates.com and you go there, search for the item or store, then click the link and it opens the page in a new window. Mr. Rebates tracks the purchase and gives you a percentage back (a rebate). Once you've shopped enough, they cut you a check for all your rebates and mail it in about a week. I've earned $60 so far! Hope this helps! - Yolanda

And some of my suggestions:

- A Yankee Candle - I love them and burn them all the time!
- In this economy - business card holders!
- A magazine subscription - a gift that keeps on giving the entire year.
- Tickets to a Knicks game (or basketball team of your choice) if the person likes basketball. (some tickets run as low as $10 for a decent seat)
- Suze Orman's "2009 Action Plan." Let's get our money right for '09!
- Cook or bake someone your specialty.
- Make a donation to their favorite charity in their name.

Feel free to give more suggestions!

Be careful in the snow today. Have a great weekend everyone!

-b

Hey y'all!!

Today is my last day of work until the new year and I'm so happy it's finally here! I've been feeling burnt out lately, so I will thoroughly enjoy this break. However, I will still be blogging while I'm away - just not sure how often - so please send me any alternate email addresses you want me to forward the blog to - (brookeybaby73@yahoo.com) Thanks!

Okay! Here is Liz's video blog in case you missed it yesterday.



Liz, no worries! You're back on track and that's all that matters!

Now, onto Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Sometimes my cat snores like a grown ass man.
- I'm dreading working late tonight since I'll be gone for 2 weeks and have alot to get done.
- Honey Mag's holiday party last night was so much fun! I had a great time :-)
- ahem...I should say I had a great time even though Dre and Rene were messing with me the whole night. All I can say is Dre has a slick mouf (yes, I said MOUF!) and Rene, stop it! My finger was bleeding and no one offered me a drink while I was tending to my bleeding finger until I said something! Meanwhile, they're drinking mojitos in my face! shady grady!
- Dre finally got my drink...chivalry is not completely dead - SLICK MOUF!
- And no Reggie, I don't drink like that! That bottle of X-Rated wasn't mine! Can someone please confirm for him that I'm not a heavy drinker PLEASE!?
- ....AND you WILL pay for stepping on my Westbrook jersey after throwing it on the floor - TRUST!
- Don't you hate it when people send text messages about you to someone else who is also right there, like you're not even there!?! maybe that just happens to me.
- I can't wait to spend 2 weeks with my family - especially my nephews!
- I love it when Kyce and Brahim laugh uncontrollably or sing the Speed Racer or Curious George song.
- I have 2 things to buy and then I'm done with my Xmas shopping.
- Yesterday, a man on the train was staring at me while he was knitting (yes, I said knitting) and it creeped me out. He was about 60 years old and wouldn't look anywhere else but at me - while knitting a blanket. Spooked me out!
- I have no "good" candy left in my candy jar.
- What the hell are "pepitas?" They're in my cranberry, almond trailmix snack and I can't figure out what they are. I eat them tho! LOL!
- I have to do a sudoku puzzle every night before I go to bed. It relaxes me.
- Why can't I keep a scarf on my head at night?
- People send too many requests/invitations on Facebook. I just ignore them all because I get too overwhelmed. And Facebook slows down my computer.
- I have a brand new cell phone that I have yet to use because I can't break from my old one. I have to send the rebate in tho so I can get $100 back!
- The Secret Service was sleeping on G-Dub when dude threw his shoes at him! That worries me. Good reflexes tho! LOL!
- It was so much fun having a guest blogger yesterday, I hope to have another one!
- Speaking of blogs, Ms. Princess is frontin' on her's! Pranny, get on it! You too Nic Nac!

Finally, I had to post this. This girl was SO serious trying to get her "B" on. They start young don't they?? She was too cute! Love her!



If my sister had a daughter, I could SO picture her trying to do that dance! And I'd be the crazy ass auntie with the camera :-)

Okay, your turn!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

Today I'm going to switch things up a bit - I have a GUEST BLOGGER!!! He goes by the name of Maliek Ball and he's a fellow Syracuse Alum, a fellow Philadelphian and just a straight up, cool ass dude! He's also Rene The Harlemite's frat brother, so maybe Rene will be first to comment today (after me of course!) Liz posted a video blog, so feel free to check it out today, or you can wait until tomorrow when I include it for Random Thoughts Thursday. But today, the blog belongs to Maliek!

Introducing Maliek!



I just want to know some other people’s views and opinions on this topic:

To me, it seems increasingly harder to get to know someone of the opposite sex these days. I have had conversations with many of my male friends and female friends alike, and I notice some of the same stereotypes rearing their ugly heads in several of these conversations.

When I speak to some of my male friends, I hear things such as: Women only want me for my dough; women say they want a good man but they always go after the thug or the bad boy; women play more games than men - they just hide it better; women say they know what they want but they really don’t; women are crazy...I could go on all day.

When I speak to some of my female friends, I hear things such as: Men are dogs (all men cheat); men are immature; men are liars; men only want me for one thing; men aren’t strong enough to handle a strong woman; I make "X" amount a year and the men I meet don’t...again, I could go on all day.

Some things that I started to realize from my own personal experiences and from the experiences of others is that men and women have these preconceived notions that build these walls. It’s these walls that don’t allow us to get to know the opposite sex. It’s these walls that don’t allow many men to open up about anything on their minds for fear of getting played and looking like a fool in front of his boys. (That’s a whole other problem unto itself) It’s these walls that are not allowing many women to see the man in front of them, but instead they are seeing the man that they know is going to mess up on them sooner or later. Then we end up doing stupid things like frontin’ when we are with our boys, or letting our girls know about every detail in our relationship and allowing them to help dictate our next move. (An overwhelming majority of the time, that advice is, “You don’t need him.”)

What that does is this: IT DOESN’T ALLOW US TO BE HUMAN. That’s what we are - we are human. We are going to make mistakes. We all have stories of people we know that will walk away from a potential relationship or current relationship over the silliest things. Relationships take work. It isn’t a fairytale. You get out of it what you put in. You will get even less out of dating someone if you are barely putting anything in for that dating period to flourish. All I’m saying is this, it’s time for us let these walls down just a bit if you truly want to be happy in your dating life or relationship. We are all afraid of getting hurt. Unfortunately that can and does happen, but you will never truly find happiness if you aren’t willing to open yourself up to it. Fellas, get to know her for her and don’t believe she is just like the woman that was in a bad relationship with your boy and ended up on Maury. Women, get to know him for him and don’t believe that he is the guy that is trying to sleep with every woman he sees. I’m not saying that it’s going to work out your very next time around, but if you open up, your next story may be, “We went to Jared!!!”

Maliek Ball

(E-A-G-L-E-S...GO EAGLES!!!)

Hey everyone,

I can't wait for this week to be over...which will be Thursday for me. I'm working my tail off with no end in sight! I think they know I'm going to be away for 2 weeks and they're trying to find any and everything for me to do! UGGHH!!!

But hey, in this economy, I'm happy to have a job. Everyone here is complaining about not getting a holiday bonus this year when they should be thanking God they have a job to come into at all. I know they depend on that bonus to buy gifts for loved ones, but you'd have to be living under a rock to know that hard times are hitting everyone. Your loved ones should understand if you can't spend a grip on them this year...or even spend anything on them at all. Gifts should be given from the heart and received with appreciation, no matter the amount spent. However, I understand that some of you may need help in coming up with thoughtful, creative, yet inexpensive gifts this season. That is why I'm asking you to give your input once again on a blog idea - Great gift ideas for under $50. Please send me your suggestions and I'll post them in an upcoming blog - most likely Friday (brookeybaby73@yahoo.com).

Now, some of you buy for the same people every year, so gift ideas may come easier for you. But some of you may have a new "special friend," and you're now wondering if you should spend your hard earned money on a man or woman you just met. Let's say you've been kickin' it since October, things are going well, and now you're wondering if you should buy him/her a gift. After all, it's only been a couple months, and while you're having a great time, will giving a gift to a new boo send the wrong message? Are there rules? Let's break it down.

First and foremost, if you want to give someone a gift - give it. Plain and simple. Gifts should be given as an expression of your feelings and appreciation for someone, not out of obligation or a sign of great expectations. If you want to give a gift, give one - just don’t expect one in return. Gifts should never be given with the expectation that one will be given in return.

Now, I DO think there are some things that you should take into consideration. How long have you been dating? Is it serious? Are they as into you as you are into them? Do you know how they feels about gift giving in general? Do they even celebrate the holiday? These are all things you must ask yourself first before you head out to the mall.

If they're not as in to you as you are to them, then a gift that has too much meaning or costs too much money could very well spook them. Since you’ve only been dating a short time, I’d suggest a gift that gives you an opportunity to spend more time together, but that does not suggest that you have any lofty ideas about what is going on between the two of you romantically. Some good choices are: a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant or to a local movie theatre, or tickets to a sporting event or play you know he/she wants to see. The key here is to keep the gift thoughtful but not too personal. If they don’t like gift giving, and has expressed that they are short on cash, or don’t celebrate Christmas, then don't go out and buy him/her the latest iPod. Forgo the gift altogether. To give a gift under those circumstances is insensitive and shows a lack of respect for the person's feelings - not the best way to move a relationship forward on good terms.

The important thing for you to remember is that giving a gift does not mean that the relationship is serious, and if moving things to the next level is part of some agenda for giving the gift, then don’t give a gift at all. On the flip side, if they really like you, no gift is going to scare them away. The person may feel uncomfortable if they didn’t get you anything in return, but again, you should let the person know that you don't expect a gift from them - that you just wanted to give a little something to let them know they're appreciated.

My honest opinion - barring some very good reason for their not wanting a gift (like he doesn’t celebrate a winter holiday or she has expressed that she has no money to buy you a gift) - there really is no reason not to give your new sweetheart something. Just choose the gift carefully. Don't make it too personal or too ‘couply’ (is that a word? it is now!), and don't flip out if he/she gives you nothing in return. After all, at 2 months, it’s just as OK to NOT receive a gift as it is to give one. Remember the reason for the season.

-b

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone had a fabulous, relaxing and/or productive weekend! I got a lot accomplished - I put up my tree (thank you Rene), wrapped gifts, got some shopping done and finally got my internet up and running at home.

I had cable, internet and phone installed in my apartment for the first time since moving to NY. I know, I know...you all are thinking I'm crazy to have not gotten all of those services until now. But I have cable, tivo and internet at work and on my blackberry and I use my cell phone for everything so I don't need a landline. But, I was told at work that I don't watch enough tv (go figure) and blogging at work is becoming a bit counterproductive - thus now internet at home.

Last weekend, the cable guy couldn't install my internet modem correctly, so I had to have someone else come back out to fix it this past Saturday. Clad in sweatpants, an Eagles jersey and a scarf on my head, I opened the door to find the cutest cable guy I'd ever seen. He was about 6 feet tall, had a build like Shawn from Boyz II Men and had dimples deep enough to drink hot cocoa from. But I shook it off, cuz after all, it's the cable guy and you just don't try to bag the cable guy.

So he's fixing my internet, light conversation. He's kinda shy. We start talking about Cadillac Records, which I saw on Friday with Amanda. He tells me how he loves Beyonce and has the same birthday as Jay-Z - he just turned 25. Awwwww :-)

But he said his music taste runs deeper than B. He says to me, "Anita Baker is playing on Valentine's Day, so I have to get tickets." A 25 year old man who loves Anita Baker? Hmmm...his girl must be making him do that, so I ask. He promptly lets me know he's single and wants to go by himself...unless he finds a date.

"Well, if you get tickets, I'll be your date." Did I really just say that out loud? Yep...I sure did.

He seems taken back, but he's blushing. "I'll hold you to that" he says. Before he leaves I give him my business card. He shakes my hand, "I'm Rob." He leaves. Did I just bag the cable guy?

I wasn't sure until I came into work this morning to find an email from him telling me how engaging I was, how he admired my initiative, and how he could tell I was a real woman about my business. He said my scarf and sweat pants were "cute."

So, am I a Cougar? Urban Dictionary defines a Cougar this way:

Cougar 1562 up, 498 down
(see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path.

This had me thinking about the Demi Moore's and Mariah Carey's of the world. This is the video that Mariah shot with Nick Cannon where they reportedly fell in love:



Did she bag him? or did he bag her?

When an older man gets with a much younger chick, we either see that as a woman who prefers more mature men, or he's her "Sugar Daddy." But what do we think of when we see 38 year old Mariah Carey with 27 year old Nick Cannon? That it's never going to work? What does she see in him? What does he see in her? She can't find a man her own age? What can they possibly have in common?

Since it's not as common to see older women with much younger men, some of us automatically apply our own perceptions to the situation - some stereotypical, some biased. Demi and Ashton are still going strong. It CAN work.

But I think it works when the woman is confident in herself, open to whatever life brings, is non-judgmental and just willing to have a good time. The younger man can be more mature than her same-age counterparts. He may be more adventurous, more open or more fun. Maybe he's not yet jaded to dating and relationships and isn't looking at all women as predators who just want to get married and have your snotty nosed, rusty behind babies. He just wants to have fun and make her smile - and maybe learn a thing or two :-)

Hey, you never know until you try it at least once right? No one is talking about marrying the cable guy, but I had to step back and wonder if I'd ever even entertain the thought. Me, a Cougar? The idea itself is laughable to me, but it got me to thinking - Women, would you seriously date a MUCH younger man - say 10 years younger? If not, why?

Men, have you ever dated a much older woman when you were in your twenties - bagged by a Cougar? If so, how was your experience?

I can't say that I've dated anyone 10 years younger than me before, but I did find him to be the cutest little thing. I wanted to buy him a short set! LOL! I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts on this. In the meantime, I have an email to reply to ;-)

-b

TGIF!!!

While we're thanking God it's Friday, we should also thank God for the successful surgeries performed on J and his mother yesterday! I got a text from him last night saying they are both doing well. Thank you all for your prayers - J and his mother thank you too!

So, to piggyback off of Wednesday's blog about dating, trading places and who pays for what, my friend Big D charged with the task of asking my women friends - "What would you consider to be a good, cheap date?"

Now, by cheap, he meant a date that costs under $50. Since he believes a man should pay for at least the first 3 dates, he wanted to keep it reasonable - especially living in the NYC. In these economic times, romance shouldn't have to suffer because we're broke or tightening our belts. He also wanted us to provide him with date ideas that were creative and memorable, so the woman wouldn't think he was a HERB for taking her on a cheap date and talking about him behind his back to all her girls!

This must be on everyone's mind, which is why Time Out New York Magazine recently published an issue they called "The Singles Issue." (Dec. 4-10, 2008, issue 688) On the cover in big, bold letters reads "CHEAP DATES." The mag highlights free and/or cheap events throughout the city and how to have fun under $50 - PERFECT for Big D and the dudes who want to treat a lady to a nice date (...and maybe even get lucky in the process). New York Magazine also highlighted 15 dates under $60. One click on a Google search can land you on site that provides countless ideas for fun, inexpensive adventures in your city. All you have to do is plan.

But, Big D asked me to ask MY friends what they'd consider a good, cheap date - and I do what I say I'm gonna do - so here are some of the responses I got back from my fabulous female friends!
________________________________________________________

* Something fun, interesting and definitely affordable - the “BODIES THE EXHIBITION” at the South Street Seaport Adults: $26.50 during the week and weekends just $27.50.
- Leesa

* Sunday Brunch. Picking up some food and sitting on the Harlem Meer at the top of Central Park. SEA in Williamsburg (yummy & inexpensive). Ordering in Thai, enjoying each other's company. Any museum and diner grub afterwards.
- Tanisha

* Maybe a nice museum exhibit. I believe most museums are free. They just ask for a small donation. Then the rest of the money could be spent on the dinner.
- Nikachi

* A trip on the Staten Island Ferry, with a picnic in the park. Or listening to live music. Escaping to a roof top to watch the stars as he pulls out a bottle of wine, chocolates and small dessert cakes.
- Nikki

And Liz had a bunch of suggestions! Here's what she had to say:

"Well, my first date with Leo, was MAD CHEAP, but sweet! We went to the pier in Queens overlooking Manhattan and talked for awhile. It was winter and COLD, but so nice."

* Bowling is good. Pool is also not expensive if you go to the right place.
* Most museums are “suggested” in their prices and she’ll think he’s cultured.
* Karaoke can be inexpensive. (but that’s only fun with a lot of people)
* There are poetry lounge spots throughout BK that are MAD cheap and he can even go up and spout something. (she’d be impressed at that)
* Orchard street has a free walking tour.
* Ice skating in Bryant Park is free if you already have ice skates, otherwise you just have to pay for the skate rental.
* Carnegie Hall has a limited number of partial view seats that are only $10. He can always say that those were the last seats and he really wanted to take her there!
* If he knows any students, there are ALWAYS deep discounted tickets for virtually all shows in NYC.
* There are TONS of free reading all over the city (besides Barnes & Noble) and again, she may think he’s cultured!
* Cantor Film Center at NYU - you don't have to be a student to get into some of the free screenings. But you do need to call ahead.
* Deutsches Haus regularly holds free screenings of German films. They are usually on Fridays, but call ahead or check the website for schedules.
* MoMA Film and Media Exhibitions Film screenings at MoMA are free with admission to the museum - but on Fridays between 4 and 8, admission is free too!
* Sony Wonder Technology Lab - reservations must be made the Monday before the screening which is held on Saturday at 2, but I heard that this museum shows popular Hollywood releases for free. (I haven’t actually been to this one but I’m sure if he calls ahead he can find out more info)

Whew! Liz is the expert!

I hope that helps you out Big D! Maybe you can try any of these this weekend. Let us know how it goes!

Have a great weekend everyone. Stay warm!

-b

Hey everyone,

You know what it is - Random Thoughts Thursday!

But before we begin, I would like for you all to send up some prayers for a friend of mine. I'll call him J since I'm not sure he'd want me to give his name, but he is having major surgery today. He's giving one of his kidneys to his mother who is dying of kidney failure. His courage, love for his mother and faith in God leaves me in awe of his act of selflessness. I know that he is afraid, but his faith is strong. There is no time, no place, no state where God is absent. Love casts out all fear, and the love he has for his mother will bring them both through. When we are stricken by sickness or disease, it's easy to let fear become the master of your life. J is a shining example that greater than fear is love. When we feel afraid, that's when we should ask God to come into our lives at every moment - ask God to speak to us, to act through us and to let go and trust Him. God answers all prayers. The Old Testament says "Be still and know that I am God." Be still, close your eyes, and whisper a prayer for J and his mother. Amen.

Now, onto Random Thoughts Thursday.

A couple days ago, Ms. Princess made reference to "Poor Lil Tink Tink" from Katt Williams' "Pimpin Pimpin." Well, I didn't know what she was talking about - which is absurd considering she and I are always in sync when it comes to movies, comedies, etc. So of course you know I had to look it up on YouTube....HILARIOUS! For Pranny:



Whew! okay...had to get that out :-)

Some random thoughts I've had so far today:

- It's freezing in my building today!
- Unless you're Diddy, men should not wear fur...talk about looking like a pimp. Don't rock the beaver! PLEASE!
- Also, I can't stand when men sport a baldy and have a beard with no mustache.
- I can't wait to be a part of Honey Mag online's Hivespot - I will tell you all more about that later.
- I'm going to try to stop drinking Snapple over the Xmas break, I'm ADDICTED!
- This whole situation with the governor of Illinois and Jesse Jackson, Jr. is buffoonery.
- I can't stand when people pronounce the "s" in Illinois.
- Oprah shouldn't be so hard on herself for gaining back her weight...but I get it.
- Is it worth putting up a Xmas tree, even if I'm only going to look at it for a week since I'll be in Philly the rest of the time?
- I'm finally going to see Cadillac Records tonight.

Okay, you know the drill. Chime in with your random thoughts for today and let's make it fun, as always!

Peace and hairgrease my peoples!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

So I'm looking for something to wear on this balmy Wednesday listening to the radio like I do every morning, and I hear the song "Trading Places" by Usher. He's my guilty pleasure, but I never really listened to the lyrics before - so I honed in and paid attention to what he was actually singing about.



Now we gonna do this thing a lil different tonight
U gonna come over and pick me up in your ride
U gon knock and then u gon wait
Ooo u gon take me on a date
U gonna open my door and ima reach over and open yours
Gon pay for dinner take me to see a movie
And whisper in my ear I bet you really wanna do me

Awwww sookie sookie now! I'd take his sexy ass on a date ANY day :-)

But the song made me think about the traditional roles we play in dating and our relationships. The song implies that the man traditionally is the one doing the courting and the woman is a passive participant in the process. And most of the women I know prefer it that way. Is that being a feminist? Traditional?

Most women I know would never take a man on a first date. They believe the man should pay for dinner. He should pick her up. They NEVER call first and he'd better open the door for her and pull out her chair or else!

These same women are successful and want a fabulous career that pays them the big bucks. They believe unequal pay for equal work is straight bullsh*t! They want to rise to the top and rule the world like Hillary Clinton one day.

But her man?...he better be getting paid more. They want their man to "be a man." He can't be feminine or play a "woman's role." And Lord knows she better not EVER see him cry.

Feminist? Traditional?

These same women would balk at the idea of staying home barefoot and pregnant. They want careers. They want to vacation with their girlfriends. They want to see the world. But if a man asked them to treat them to a night out or take them on an amazing vacation, they'd think he was a punk. Cheap. Is he crazy? Oh hell no!

So...is that being a feminist? Traditional?

Can we have it both ways? If a man said "you play the girl," would we look at him like he's a misogynist, even though we say we want the man to "be the man?" Is it a double standard? How do we find balance?

I know men who would LOVE it if a woman took over every once in a while. They'd love it if a woman said "babe, I got this" or said "get dressed, I'm coming over to get your sexy ass and take you out." They'd eat that UP!

Women - would you ever do as Usher suggests and "trade places" - pick a man up, take him on a date and then try to seduce him at the end of the night?

I'm always on the top tonight I'm on the bottom
Cause we trading places
When I cant take no more, tell me you ain't stopping
Cause we trading places
Now put it on me baby till I say Oooo weee
And tell me to shut up before the neighbors hear me
This is how it feels when you do it like me

Men - would you like it if a woman took over "your" role as far as being courted in a relationship or do you feel like she'd be taking away "the chase?" Is this something you'd only enjoy AFTER you've established a relationship?

I'll be waking u up to a cup of Folgers
Pancakes and eggs I owe ya breakfast in bed, oh baby
And your orange juice sitting on the coaster
Toast on the side baby strawberry and grape jelly

I personally love it when a man makes me breakfast in bed - especially if it's because he's showing his gratitude for being taken care of....well. ;-)

Know what I think? I think there are no rules anymore.

1. Anyone can ask for a date! (women, we can do the asking too)

2. It’s not a date until it’s obviously a date. Just because a man invites a woman to a movie (or vice versa) doesn’t mean he's trying to romance you. If it’s not clear from the start, watch each others’ body language. Is he sitting closer than he needs to? Does she touch my arm when she’s making a point?

3. No one knows who’s supposed to pay. Many men still feel that a gentleman always picks up the check, but some men resent having to pay. Additionally, some women are insulted at the implication they can’t take care of themselves. In the end, most people go with what makes them comfortable, and try not to be angry or insulted if the other person gets it “wrong.”

4. Short first dates are fine. With so many people meeting over the Internet, a short coffee date can be a good idea. It gives both people a chance to decide if they want to go out on a “real” date another time.

5. A date can be anything! These days, there’s no reason you have to go out to dinner and a movie if neither of you likes restaurants and there’s nothing playing that you want to see. Go ahead and plan something you’ll both enjoy.

Stay tuned for part 2
You been me I been u
But we gon switch this thing back
Ima put it on your ass

-b

Hola mi gente!

First let me apologize to Liz (and all of you) for not posting her video blog yesterday. I was giddy from the Eagles win, so I was focused on posting a pic of my gorgeous nephew in his Eagles jersey :-) And my blog yesterday was so long that I just wanted to finish it and I neglected to add Liz's update. So with that said, let's check in with her!



Yay Liz!

Now, I remember on Liz's first video blog, she said she wanted to get healthy for herself and that her boo loved her just the way she was. I think it's great to have a support system of loved ones who walk your journey with you, but would love you no matter what journey you took. That got me to thinking about all the beautiful, voluptuous, sexy, full figured women out there who snag awesome men.

Last night, I went to the launch party of our new series "Manhunters: Fugitive Task Force." And when I say "our" I mean A&E Television Networks. The new series premieres tonight on A&E at 10P (yes, a shameless plug but this show has given me MANY a damn headache, so I would appreciate it if you all could set your dvr to watch it, thanks!) The show is about US Marshals hunting fugitives. If you're into crime shows, you'll like this one (Annamaria), so tune in and let me know what you think!

We invited the US Marshals from NYC, Newark, NJ and Connecticut last night to screen a couple of episodes. Can I just say, there was something that made me a little tingly about being surrounded by a couple hundred men packin' heat. All I could think of was "I wonder how many guns are in this room?" Sexy ass menzes all ready to blast a fool at a moment's notice...woo-wee!!! Loved it!

But what I also noticed was that some of them brought their wives/girlfriends. Not a lot, but a few...so I got to enjoy the view without worrying about some chick catching me checking out her man :-) And most of the women they were with were thick, lovely, stacked, brick-house women. There were a few Barbie Dolls in the room - but for the most part, these were grown-ass, curvy, vivacious women.

That made these men even sexier to me. They were hugged up and proud to be with these women. These men were the epitome of fitness and they were with women that, even though they may tip the scales a little heavier, you knew the Marshals could pick their behinds up and throw them across the room if they wanted to!

I got the feeling that these men PREFERRED their women this way and it made me think - "are there more chubby chasers out here than we think?" LOL!!

Are you a man that LOVES fuller figured women, that PREFER them? Women, have you ever dated a man who said to you, "don't lose too much weight girl, I need something to hold on to"?

We're so used to seeing Hollywood's version of beauty that we forget that there are a whole group of women out there who fit someone else's standard of what beauty is. There are websites for full figured women to subscribe to just for the men who love them. Jamie Foxx says he has a crush on Oprah - BIG Oprah.

But I think it goes a little bit deeper than simply being attracted to a certain physical type. I'm sure if Oprah were a mean-spirited bitch, Jamie wouldn't find her so sexy. I'm sure if Liz's man thought she was a selfish heffa, he wouldn't want her no matter what her size. Sexy is as sexy does. Through all of life's ups and downs - the push and pull of living, the stresses, the disappointments and the fear we are taught along the way - sometimes we forget to be open to giving and receiving the love we were born to give and receive. We become judgmental rather than compassionate. We shun communicating soul to soul, because it means risking revealing our true selves. We give in to our insecurities.

But Liz is a prime example of having the courage to love your beautiful self. This journey she is on is not just about pounds and inches. It's about peeling away layers of fear, insecurities, and unhealthy thoughts while growing in awareness of God's many blessings, the renewing power of love and strength and loving herself the entire time along the way.

While I may have forgotten to post her video blog, I am constantly reminded of her strength, her willingness to share, her courage and her larger than life personality and determination. All of that is what makes her sexy, desirable, and attractive - and I can see why Leo loves her - just the way she is.

-b

Happy Monday!

An Eagles win over the Giants is cause for some celebratory ice cream, don't you think? LOL!!



Ah, I had to get that out...ahem...sorry Giants fans! Okay, I'm really not sorry :-)

Now, onto the topic of the day :-) This is kinda long...so...sorry!

A friend of mine asked me to do a blog today about breaking up with someone "nicely." The reason she asked me to do it was because she recently had the awful task of breaking up with her boyfriend...and she did it over text message. He texted her to say he loved her and her response? "We need to talk."

OUCH!

She knows she's wrong, but I thought it was kind of funny because she did it incorrectly and he tricked her into staying with him - so basically they're still together because he wasn't having it! LOL! Okay, I guess I shouldn't laugh at her pain, but I thought that was funny as hell :-)

Now, I'm certainly no expert in the art of break-ups. I've had to do it a couple of times and it was not fun. I've had it done to me once and it wasn't fun. Usually my break-ups are amicable and mutually agreed upon. Or they're a result of some indiscretion - cheating, lying, he was married and lied about it, the list goes on - so there was no need for a "nice" break-up. But when you want to break-up, is there really a "nice" way to do it?

Some people chicken out and try to act like a jerk so that the person they want to break up with breaks up with them first. Or they play some kind of game instead of being upfront so they won't appear to be the bad guy. Did any of you see "Breakin All The Rules" with Jamie Foxx, Gabrielle Union and Morris Chestnut? Check it out:



Let's take a poll:

What do you think is the worst breakup line?

"It's not you, it's me"
"I'm just not ready for a relationship"
"You're too good for me, you deserve someone better"

Although I don't advise people to play games or diss someone via text, I will say if you're going to do it, do it right! LOL!! For my lady friends out there, if you're too afraid to break up with him because he might stalk you or choke you out, I advise you simply drive him away. If you want to rid yourself of Mr. Wrong, here are some suggestions:

Best Way #1. Always end arguments by turning some deeply private secret he's confided to you...against him. Then add, "Screw you, you slobbering half-wit!" (my friend that broke up with her guy HATES it when men cry) LOL!!

2. Don't mince words. If he asks, reply, "Why, yes, dear, now that I look at it, your penis is the smallest I've ever seen in my life."

3. Call him repeatedly.

4. If he doesn't call back, email him. If he doesn't return your email, fax him a funny little joke. If he still doesn't call, drop by his office and surprise him with a "cute" card. If he's not at his office, drive to his house, wait for him at his front door and, when he arrives, tell him he can do anything he wants with you because you can't live without him.

5. Ask him once a week, "So, where do we stand?" Or, if you prefer a more dramatic scrotum-tightener, ask, "So, where do we stand as a couple?"

6. Be the first woman in recorded history to actually tell a man exactly how many dudes you've slept with. If it's not a big number, make up a big number

7. Make him watch The Color Purple with you over and over...especially the part where Celie is going to slash Mr.'s throat with a razor :-)

8. Fixate on the future. Focus on his taking you to the Bahamas for Valentine's Day. If he doesn't take you, tell him he is the worst boyfriend EVER!

9. Always cry after sex. Better yet, cry DURING sex. :-)

10. Criticize his mother.

11. Borrow $2,300 from him.

12. Ask him about his "personal feelings concerning the relationship" while he's watching the final two minutes of the seventh game of the NBA championship series. If he doesn't hear you, snap off the TV and throw the remote out the window.

13. He'll refuse to speak to you after you've hurled the remote out the window, but so what? This is an excellent opportunity to confront him about his "fear of being inferior."

14. Do you own an old pair of baggy maroon sweatpants with holes in them? Wear them. Every night.

15. Blind yourself to his faults. (Of course, if you happen to see a fault by mistake, immediately point it out to him.)

16. Say sweetly, "Either your idiot dog goes...or I go."

17. Withhold sex for two weeks.

18. Don't pay back the $2,300.

19. Nag.Nag.Nag.Nag.Nag.

20. Wear his favorite shirt without asking and spill Cherry Coke on it while driving his new Lexus, which you accidentally crash into the car in front of you at a stop light.

21. Reassure him that all men, have, uh, difficulties in the sack, but not to worry -- you've discussed his problem with his friends, and they all think it's hilarious.

22. Tell him oral sex makes you gag - except when he does it :-) LMAO!

23. Festering resentment. Try it.

24. Never tell him he makes you happy. Never say that sometimes you're so proud to be with him you want to weep for joy.

25. Never cook anything for him.

26. Refer to his car as "a piece of shit."

27. Don't let him miss you. (i.e., spend every moment with/near/on/under/over him -- particularly those blessed moments when you feel bloated and you're on your period)

28. Let him miss you too much. Rarely come home from the office until after 10:30pm.

29. Keep yourself informed about his activities. Call around to his friends and check up on him. When he walks in the door, sniff him over like you're a pit bull looking for a Big Mac.

30. Make him take the quizzes in ladies' magazines.

31. Explain that if primal man could learn to walk upright in a mere two million years, a moron like him can walk to take out the garbage :)

32. Rarely be in a playful mood.

33. Never have your wallet with you.

34. When you bump into an ex in the street while out with your man, throw your arms around the ex's neck, squeeze your body to him really tight and say, "Oh, My God! Oh, My God! Hi!!!"

35. If he's experiencing career difficulties (especially in this economy), gently point out that if he loses this job, he'll probably never get another one.

36. If you went to a better college than he did, never let him forget it.

37. After going out four times, instruct your children to call him Daddy. LOL!!

38. If you earn more money than he does, make sure you boost his ego by letting him pay for absolutely everything.

39. (From Liz) Tell him you worship the devil. LMAO!!

40. Wrap your whole life around him :-)

Okay, okay...I jest :-) That's not what you should do. I know breaking someone's heart is the last thing you want to do, but sometimes you just gotta do it for the sanity of you and your partner. You are playing with emotions that are often powerful and unpredictable. It’s likely that your boyfriend/girlfriend may have stronger emotions for you than vice versa. One thing is certain though, your life won’t be happy again until you get it over with once and for all. The thought of breaking someone's heart can be a daunting one, but if you respect the person, you should do what's right and let them go for their own sake.

The key is to do it amicably and maturely, and without the need to ‘stick the knife in’. It’s about damage limitation to both of you, but you have a duty to do and you must be firm about it. In your ‘speech’ to your partner, talk about the benefits to you both and how if it isn’t working for you then it is just not fair to them. Keep your language uncomplicated but supportive.

The worst thing you can do is buckle once you have said it and agree to give it another go. You know when it isn’t right, so why try to keep the pain going? Now my friend has to break up with her man AGAIN :-)

Don’t also make the mistake of ‘blame-finding’, and pointing the finger at specific circumstances that have brought you to your decision. It gets messy and you both walk away hating the other. It is very likely you can remain great friends.

Never break up with someone without being face to face with them. I’m talking about avoiding cowardly behavior like breaking up on: email, text, or via a friend. It’s just so unfair to the other person because they are left with questions and ideas that only you can answer – and it’s only fair that you answer them face to face.

In terms of where to do it, try to find a mutual ground or on their turf, somewhere that they will get comfort from.

I think there is an art to dumping someone with dignity. Unfortunately, I don't know what that art is, so I looked up these guidelines online to share with you since I am far from an expert. These nine time-tested guidelines will help you through the messy business of ending a relationship (the correct way) LOL!

1. Make up your mind.

So many women announce the split and do the exhaustive post-mortem with their friends, only to confess to reconciliation several days later. By this time we've all heard about the man's horrible body odor and weird relationship with his mother and other intimate, personal details we'd really rather not have to know about at all. In some cases this sort of flip-flopping takes place repeatedly, for years on end. Spare your friends, at least: don't announce it's over until you're absolutely sure.

2. Don't be silent.

Sometimes women simply stop returning a man's calls, figuring that this signals her lack of interest. He might think your phone has broken, although this is highly unlikely and he will assume you're not interested. However, it is a timid thing to avoid the phone. You should be able to speak to someone you dated and even went to bed with. Ignoring the incessant ring of the phone can also be more nerve-wracking and bothersome than just answering it and explaining to him that it's over. And, ultimately, it is just plain bad manners to blank out another person.

3. Be clear.

Some people favor vague lines such as 'I need some space,' and 'I need to be alone for a bit' when finishing a relationship. You might think that drawing out the end over time is a gentle way of letting him down. Instead, you'll be creating a more unpleasant and painful end. Don't give him hope. Be blunt. It's kinder.

4. Do your own dirty work.

Don't try to force him to break up with you by becoming bitchy and unreasonable. Many women unhappy in their relationships start inventing absurd jealousies and complaints in an effort to push their boyfriend away. You may think this tactic lets you off the hook. In fact, it's cowardly. It draws out the inevitable, and creates bad vibes between you. Take responsibility for your dissatisfaction. This goes for men too...don't be a jerk just to make her break up with you.

5. Stage the break-up carefully.

As far as location goes, restaurants and other public places are tricky because there's a slim chance he'll shout or, worse, cry - both of which will be highly embarrassing. If you do choose a restaurant it should be one that's in a central location. Also, make sure to look your worst. Wear an unflattering dress, a bit of that sickly sweet perfume he hates, and top it all off with a touch of green face powder.

6. Cry.

As you tell him that, wonderful as he is, it simply isn't working, try to muster up a few tears. His ego needs all the help it can get.

7. Offer a reason.

You need not give the dumpee the real reason for losing him - the mediocre sex; his whistling nose; his idiot friends - but you do need to offer a reason that's plausible. If all else fails, tell him that it's clear he's not happy, and he deserves to be with someone who can make him happy. This will confuse him, since he might well have been happy until you became dissatisfied. But it's the sort of thing he can repeat to himself when it's over: I wasn't happy. And that will help him to justify the break-up.

8. If you do lie, lie well.

'This hurts me more than it hurts you,' is disingenuous, because it never does. 'It's not you, it's me,' is far more credible, especially when followed by either of two statements: 'I want to get married, give up my job, and have a dozen babies' (if he's a free spirit), or 'I don't feel like I've slept with enough men in my life to settle down with one.' (if he's traditional). No need to initiate a break-up then - he'll head for the hills.

9. Avoid break-up sex.

That one last night of passion, 'for old time's sake,' might seem pretty tempting, but don't give in: it will only confuse him. The next morning, whilst you're retrieving your cosmetics from his bathroom cabinet, he'll assume you've changed your mind and are off preparing breakfast. Trust me, it's messy.

If you follow the above nine points you may manage to achieve that rarity: a civilized break-up. You and your ex might even move into a pleasant post-relationship friendship. But if, despite your best efforts, the remote begins to fly...duck! LOL!!

-b

TGIF!!

Cadillac Records comes out today! I've been looking forward to seeing this film - not because of Beyonce, but because of Jeffrey Wright. I think he is one of the best, most underrated actors out there. He can play anyone.

Sony Pictures: In this tale of sex, violence, race, and rock and roll in 1950s Chicago, "Cadillac Records" follows the exciting but turbulent lives of some of America's musical legends, including Muddy Waters, Leonard Chess, Little Walter, Howlin' Wolf, Etta James and Chuck Berry.



The cast is great and the soundtrack should be awesome! I'm going to try to check it out between all of Rene's parties this weekend :-)

Let's keep it light today since it's Friday. Speaking of Friday, some of my favorite movie quotes come from that joint - CLASSIC! Here are a few:

Smokey: You got to be a stupid motherf*cker to get fired on your day off!

Smokey: [to big worm on the phone] Yeah, I got your money. And I don't appreciate you sendin' your punk-ass, busta-ass, jerri curl wearin'-ass friends down here to shoot at me and my homies. They'd like to got dealt with.

Big Worm: First of all, don't be callin' here like you some straight up G, cause I'll cut ya balls off and hand 'em to ya, patna. I had to warn you too many times about my money, Smokey. You see, it's the principal. There's principalities in the whole thing.

Smokey: Remember it, write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuuuuck!

wait...why am I typing these out? Why not just SHOW you :-)





And the best one!



Tell me your favorite movie quotes - let's see if we can guess the movie :-)

Have a great weekend!

-b

Hey everyone!

It's Random Thoughts Thursday!

I've been wanting to post a clip or two from the show Martin for a while now, but I have no real reason to other than I think it's funny. But since it's Random Thoughts Thursday, now I don't need a reason! LOL!!

(for The Fury and Pranny)





- I've never been in a fight with a girl...or a boy for that matter.
- I had my first kiss when I was 12 - Troy Moore - and he ran away from me down the street after he kissed me....and he was singing :-) LOL!!
- I want to make another vanilla bean cheesecake.
- I think the term "flat-leaver" is hilarious :-) I'd never heard that term before I moved to NY.
- People who block the doors on the subway because they want to stand by the doors and don't move in so other people can get on annoy the hell out of me.
- I gained 5 lbs over the last couple weeks and I'm not happy about that. So Liz, it's me and you girl!
- Where's Dre Lew? :-)
- I had the best time with Amanda the other night - we went to see Role Models and it was hysterical!

Danny: "Pick us up in 2 hours
Ronnie: "F*ck you, Miss Daisy!"

He was a bad ass lil kid!

Okay, I'll leave my random thoughts there....I'm sure I'll have more as the day goes on. The question of the day is one that I got from listening to the radio this morning. Make sure you answer it in the comments :-)

If you saw your friend's significant other cheating on him/her - would you tell? Would you want to be told?

Have a great Thursday!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

So this morning, Leesa emails Amanda, Sandee and I pictures of her favorite boo - T.I. She and Sandee are absolutely in love with him. Amanda and I....not so much :-)

Before I get into it - Leesa and Sandee - this is for you :-)



Now, don't get me wrong, I like T.I. I think he's talented. I like his music. He's cute. But could he get it? No. Why? He's so LITTLE! He's just tiny to me :-)

(no pun intended) :-)

I've dated men shorter than me before, but T.I. just looks like a kid to me. I know he's a grown man, but that's not what I see when I look at him. I don't know what it is, but he just doesn't do it for me. I feel like I'd break him or something :-)

I'm sure we all have something that we always look for in the opposite sex - eyes, lips, smile, complexion, height, hair, personality, etc. But just as we have our "likes," we have our "dislikes" as well. Some of us could never date anyone shorter than we are, or who have jacked up teeth, or who smoke, or who have tattoos. Whatever it is, we all have something we wouldn't like in the opposite sex to the point where we would never even consider getting with them.

What are your likes and dislikes in the opposite sex? What kind of man or woman could you absolutely NEVER date? Do you have a type?

For me - if a man has a warm smile, a wonderful set of teeth, friendly eyes and a great sense of humor - I'm hooked. I say I love tall men, but I never seem to date them. There's a difference I think between what we like or would prefer, and who we actually always end up dating :-)

Do you feel you date your type? Or do you dare to date outside your comfort zone?

I don't really have a "type" but maybe I'll try to be daring in 2009 and step out of my comfort zone. So Leesa and Sandee...watch out! I may steal T.I.'s lil ass away from you! LOL!!

Have a great day!

-b

What's crackalackin peoples!?

Apparently I'm late with my blog today :-) But hey, better late than never right? I know Keefe will have something to say since he claims he can't begin working until I post my blog...so with that said...let me get to it!

Now...I'm running the risk of sounding like the Giants hater that you all THINK I am, but...your boy...Plaxico Burress. Da hell?

I'm sure you've all heard by now that Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg while out at a night club. He turned himself in yesterday to faces charges of illegal gun possession. He could face a minimum, mandatory sentence of 3 years in jail. Here is what New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg had to say about the incident.



My question is - what was Plaxico thinking?

Actually, I have a few questions.

Why was he even allowed in the club with a gun? Why didn't the hospital report it? What role did Antonio Pierce play - did he really try to conceal the weapon? Why not just have bodyguards follow you everywhere instead of carrying a gun? If you insist on carrying a gun, why not register the gun?

Makes no sense.

I mean, I get that athletes are targets. I understand that if you make $35 million dollars a year, someone may try to rob you. I know that athletes can be victims too - they may be big in stature, but they're not supermen. And no matter how big you are, if someone has a gun, then your size doesn't matter. I do feel that they need to be able to protect themselves. Last night on the news, Tiki Barber said that he felt the need to have protection at all times, which is why he hired bodyguards to protect him when he went out. The NFL’s official advice: "In some circumstances, such as for sport or protection, you may legally possess a firearm or other weapon. However, we strongly recommend that you not do so." The league advocates passive behavior when confronted by a criminal. This is what Karl Malone has to say:




That night, Plaxico Burress not only could have really hurt himself, he could have hurt someone else. That's why I don't understand why they allowed him to pass through security with a loaded gun. Just as Jason Williams accidentally shot and killed his limo driver, so could Burress have accidentally killed someone. Why not leave it in the car and have bodyguards escort you in? Is that somehow less manly? Less macho? Is it a "man" thing?

An article I read said well over 50 percent of NFL players are estimated to own guns. The article described an incident where early in the morning on Jan. 21, Corey Fuller, the 5-foot, 10-inch, 210-pound defensive back for the Baltimore Ravens, was confronted by two armed robbers outside his Tallahassee house. One robber chased Fuller into his house where his wife and children were sleeping, but Fuller was able to grab a gun and fire at the attackers, who then ran away.

Greg Anthony, a 6-foot, 176-pound guard for 12 years in the NBA, carried a registered gun during part of his career. He said, "More and more people approach you, and you just never know what somebody is capable of doing...players see carrying as a deterrent."

Well-known coaches, such as Barry Switzer and Bobby Knight, have also carried guns.

Trust me, I do understand that high profile, wealthy athletes are sometimes victims of violent crimes - as was the case with Sean Taylor of the Redskins.

Houston Astros outfielder Luke Scott carries a Glock. His gun, however, is registered. Protect yourself - just be smart about it.

With high profile basketball players including Allen Iverson, Charles Barkley and Scottie Pippen having been arrested for illegal gun possession – as well as football players such as Alonzo Spellman and Damien Robinson – the issue of professional athletes and guns is often in the news, and the case with Plaxico Burress brings the topic back to the forefront.

The NFL has gone so far as to conduct annual seminars for their athletes on firearms, stressing the risks to children of guns and the risks of having a gun in a car. The teams have forbidden players from having guns with them at stadiums or while traveling on League-related business, but this leaves players who obey the rules as sitting ducks before or after games.

Indeed, the players who violate the rules are probably doing their teammates a favor because they at least create some uncertainty in criminals’ minds about whether a player can protect himself. Yet, the league’s sanctions make players reluctant to talk about defensive gun uses.

It'll be interesting to see how the Giants handle Plaxico Burress. He isn't due back in court until March to address the criminal charges, so maybe the league won't make any real decisions about him until then. I doubt he'll be playing any time soon.

(doubt that helps the Eagles any this weekend) :-)

It's a sad situation. I'm sure he meant no harm. But professional athletes have to be smarter than that. They can't simply break the law and think they'll get away with it. Just like they're not supermen against a criminal with a gun, they're also not supermen immune to the law. Just ask Michael Vick.

-b

Happy Cyber Monday everyone!

I hope you all had a blessed, peaceful, restful Thanksgiving. I did! Well, I rested as much as possible while visiting with my family - including 2 very rambunctious nephews! Those boys don't sit still unless they're asleep - but I love it! I miss them already!

Their energy is most apparent in the mall - Yikes! Yes, I did it - I shopped Black Friday. And I normally don't...or at least I try not to. I'm not a shopaholic. I don't frequent malls unless I have something specific to buy. The only store you might say I'm hooked on is Target - and that's because it's usually one stop shopping for me. But shopping just to be shopping? No...I don't do that. And I REALLY don't do CROWDED. But I braved the after Thanksgiving shopping weekend with ease - even if my nephews did terrorize everyone in all the stores :-)

I am shopping for kids this year and that's it. And the only thing I have to say to all my friends is, "STOP HAVING ALL THESE DANG KIDS!" LOL!! I have 2 nephews, a Godson, and my two best friends have 5 children between them - one of which has a birthday the week before Christmas.

Considering we're not getting our annual holiday bonus this year at A&E, I have to shop smarter. I think knowing I'd have less money to play with gave me the courage to brave the crowds on Black Friday in order to find a deal. I got most of my shopping done, but I still have a few things left to get - which I will be doing today on Cyber Monday. Just in case any of you are interested, here are some tips for shopping online today:

Use CyberMonday.com and dealio.com to stay on top of all of the Cyber Monday deals across the web, including information about free shipping offers and coupons.

If you plan to shop at a particular retailer, be sure to sign up for their e-newsletter - It's a good way to stay abreast of special deals and promotions, and a great way to score special subscriber-only coupons.

Shop at Sites that Offer Free Shipping
Many, but not all, stores offer free shipping on Cyber Monday; so spend some time looking for those free shipping deals. Don’t see free shipping offered on the site that you're on? Then, check a competitor's site.

Seek Out Coupon Codes
Head to currentcodes.com, retailmenot.com or one of the many other sites dedicated to finding and posting coupon codes. You may just find a deal – free shipping, free merchandise, a percent off your order – to sweeten the pot.

Bonus Tip: Bookmark Retailmenot.com. Then, the next time you're shopping online, just click on the link, and it'll display all of the coupons for the site that you're on – now that's bargain shopping made easy!

Order through a Rewards Site
Access a store's website through a rewards site, and you'll earn points or even cash for your efforts. Some rewards sites worth checking out: Upromise, MyPoints, FatWallet and Ebates.

Compare Prices
Before you place an order, use a price comparison website like pricegrabber.com to make sure you're getting the best deal.

Use a shopping search engine that pulls data from a wide variety of stores and vendors. Search engines like froogle.com and shopzilla.com give you results from tens of thousands of online stores and let you find the lowest price. If your search engine keeps coming back with the same seven or eight results, you know it's only listing stores and companies who pay to be listed.

Buy electronics now. Wait to buy clothing. The hottest electronic items sell out and manufacturers just can't make enough to get back on the shelves before the holidays. But if you're looking to buy clothing, wait. It will continue to be marked down the closer we get to the holidays, and you don't have to worry about it selling out. In general, industry experts say retailers are going to make markdowns earlier than last season because they hope to get shoppers buying before they get hit with their first big winter heating bill.

Finally - print out all receipts and be careful with your credit card information. If you're shopping online at work, don't leave printed out receipts in the printer and make sure you're using a secure site.

I hope those tips help - Happy Shopping!

-b

Oh wait!! Here's an update on Liz! I think I gained like 5 lbs over the long weekend. And to make matters worse, my sister packed up all the food that was left over and gave it to me to take home - including half of one of the vanilla bean cheesecakes I made! So if anyone wants to come over for dinner, feel free! Go Liz!