Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Happy Hump Day everyone!

I know it's been a minute since we last chat, so I hope my blog family is happy and healthy!

Today's Hump Day discussion is a question of the day: What is Your Relationship Breaking Point?

Having dated for over half my life, I can honestly say that how I viewed relationships from the age of 16 to now has definitely changed over the years. We all have things that we will or will not put up with in a relationship, but I have found that those things can change as we get older and gather more experience. At least that's the case for me.

From ages 16 to about 25, I never considered dating anyone with children - Until I met someone with children that I vibed with. So I amended my list a bit to say that I wouldn't date a man who had multiple children with more than one woman. But once I hit 30, I realized that that was like asking water not to be wet. Don't get me wrong, I've dated several men who didn't have kids, or only had one child - but of course those relationships unfortunately didn't work out.

So I amend my list again.

Once I hit 35, I got rid of this mental checklist altogether and decided to just go with the flow. However, what hasn't changed are my core values of honesty and respect - two things I will not waver from. Those are things I require. I can't be in a relationship without them - those are my deal breakers.

I hate when I give a person an opportunity to tell the truth and they don't take it. For me, lying and cheating is the ultimate betrayal. Some women say they would never be with a man who is physically abusive. Others say they can't be with a man who has an addiction. Others won't date men with multiple children, who are unemployed or who live with their mama. We all have that "thing" we simply can't put up with. For me, it's lying.

For me, trust is the foundation of a relationship. If I don't have peace of mind, I can't function daily in a state of joy. I get headaches, lose sleep, I can't focus at work and I just generally feel sad. There is nothing worse than being lied to by the person you love, who you thought loved you enough to be honest with you, who respects you enough to have an uncomfortable conversation and who would protect your heart. For me, dishonestly and deceit will break my heart, and send me running in the other direction. I don't like my time being wasted.

So I say all of that to say, what is your relationship breaking point? What will you, or will you NOT, put up with? Has your thresh hold or tolerance for certain things changed over the years, or have you stood firm in your beliefs? Curious to see if anyone has allowed their thresh hold to slide a bit - because for me, when I'm done...I'm done.




A-buzzz said...

First Bitches

Batman said...

Dam you!!!

A-buzzz said...

I don't think there is a THING that is my breaking point.. And like you my views change as I get older & as my experiences & life change me.

For me when every little thing you do annoys me I'm done. LOL..

Trust & honesty is very important. AND I hate when people OMIT things & claim they didn't lie. OMISSION & LYING are the same thing & frankly I find leaving out what YOU believe to be "insignificant" information worse than flat out lying..

Communication is also a very big BIGGIE. We need to be able to communicate.

Lastly if I am more unhappy with you then I am when we are apart. To me that is a sign that I don't need to be with u.

A-buzzz said...


Stef said...

Brooke, you and I are the same, and I totally agree with Annamaria - OMISSION IS LYING!!!

I can't tolerate a liar. And I can't tolerate a cheater. A cheater is automatically a liar anyway.

I won't put up with abuse or addiction either. And if you're unemployed because you're lazy, then I can't be with you.

Those are my dealbreakers.

Mr. Nice Guy said...

Damn B! Tell us how you REALLY feel!!!

But I hear you. I never really understood how important trust was until I lost it in someone, or they lost it in me. Once it's gone, it's hard to get back - if ever. SO I feel you on that.

For me, I can't date a woman who has multiple kids and like 5 baby daddies. Can't do it. That just screams "ho" to me.

I can't date a liar or a cheater, but I think the cheating thing can be resolved if both people communicate and want to work it out. But I'd have to be married to her for like 25 years in order to CONSIDER it. But if we've only been rocking for 6 months or so, I'm out.

A-buzz said...

DYING @ Multiple kids with 5 baby daddies...LOL What's wrong with having 5 baby daddies.. LMFAO..

Mr. Nice Guy said...


I just envision STD's, because you're clearly f*cking without a condom. I would just think a woman with like 5 baby daddies CAN'T be exercising good judgement. You just lay down with anyone and have their kid? Nah son.

I want a good wife one day, someone that I can be proud of - not a chich that half the dudes around the way can be like "I hit dat."

The Cable Guy said...

As a person with more than one baby mama, I guess this would come off as hypocritical, but I agree with Mr. Nice Guy. No man wants a woman with a gang of kids around, with deadbeat dads around every corner.

I love my children, and I'm in their lives completely. I would date a woman with kids, but there is a limit.

I can't date a woman who is a dummy. There are SO many fine ass women out here who can't spell their own damn names. It's a waste. Sex can be off the charts, but dumb as a doorknob. If you can find a woman with brains, beauty AND some good nana, then hold on to her, cuz it's slim pickin's out here like a muddafugga!

A-buzz said...

Don't judge me & my 6 baby daddies....


A-bizzle said...

@Cable Guy... We cool and all but yes it is hypocritical. lol

And two there is USUALLY (I don't know your situation so I am not judging) less drama involved with multiple baby daddies then there is with multiple baby

But I do respect your honesty

The Cable Guy said...

@Abizzle :)

I agree, women are more dramatic and emotional than men, so I can see how man baby mamas might be worst than many baby daddies. Unless the daddies are bitches.

SuSu said...

Finding it difficult to sum up exactly what would be my breaking point in a relationship. I too have seen my thresh hold and list expand through the years, but the fundamentals of what I can not put up with are basically still the same: don't put your hands on me, don't cheat on me, and don't lie to me. My tolerance level for the BS lowers more and more as I age.

I don't have the patience for a lot of the same shenanigans that I could endure a few years ago. I lose my temper much quicker. I'm ready to run much sooner. I, like so many women in my age-group have been around the block enough times, been through the game playing, all the foolishness that comes along with dating- been there, done that.--- #enoughalready!!

As we age, the picture of what we want becomes clearer and clearer. I know what I want. My requirement list has always been on realistic levels. I'm not delusional about any man being "perfect". He just has to be perfect for me. My expectations are high at this stage in my life, and I make no apologies for them. I'm not asking for anything that a man who loves me wouldn't be willing to give of himself freely. My needs/wants are simple, obtainable, and direct... and most importantly deserved because I offer them in return. Nothing is sexier to me than a like-minded man who loves me and is in it to win it, with me.

Having said all of that, I guess my breaking point would be once I have expressed my wants/needs/expectations in a relationship and having those wants/needs/expectations go unheard/unmet. If we are not on the same page, if you can't see the vision, if you don't want the same basic things, that breaking point becomes very clear for me. Now is not the time to be an obstacle in my life.

Great topic Brookeybaby! :)


Ms. Toni said...

Great piece!

I do not think there is one thing (besides abuse or lying) which is a deal breaker. I include cheating in the lying category.

Something that may not be a deal breaker by itself but pushes me to the door is a man who is unhappy about his status/position in career or life - yet is doing nothing to change it.

My list has also changed. Not because I am willing to settle. It changed because as I get older I realize that we are all human, we all have baggage, and perfection does not exist in anyone - not even me :)

Yolanda said...

Lying, cheating, omission, anything in the dishonesty category.

Ms. Penn said...

Brooke, I think you nailed it for me. I can put up with alot of things, but lying, cheating and abuse are not ANY of them.

I remember being 20 years old thinking every man I'd meet would be college educated, never been married, no kids with a great personality.

Then reality set in.

I've had to bend my standards more times than I can count, and I've dated some great men as a result of not being so rigid. But I can't be with a liar and a cheater, or an abuser of any kind. I don't care what kind of car you drive, or don't drive, your place (but if you're 40 and live at home, that's a problem for me) or what type of job you have so long as it's legal. But if you lie to me, or cheat on me, I don't care if you're a man on the street or a Rockefeller, I'm out.

The Fury said...

*awkward silence*


Yeah, my threshold has changed over time. I've become more lax with the rules. I've matured and said:

"ehh, she can have a gut. Not everyone has that Rosa Acosta body."

"She can have some kids. Not everyone uses condoms every time."

"She can lie some. Hell, she got that weave, those spanx and that horrible credit so I know she lies to the creditors and if mine call the house, she better be prepared to lie to them so..."

"She can cheat, but it should be with a woman...and she better let me watch or get involved."

"She can hit me a little because I like that rough sex sometimes..."

"She can have that ghetto voice and horrible annunciation because I mean...Taraji...Amber Rose...I wouldn't say no to them..."

"She don't have to cook. I can name the women I know that CAN cook on two hands."

"She can be white because...I mean Amber Rose again...I'm just saying. And I know sisters that don't know shit about Black history or the "Black experience"."

As long as she got both legs ...though I have seen a really fine chick with two prosthetic legs so...nvm

I dunno man. I can't call it. As long as she's good to me I guess.

A-buzzz said...

Fury is a FOOL.. And I can say this is the FIRST time I have ever met a man say she doesn't have to know how to cook. Heck my mama wouldn't let me move out the house until I learned how to cook. LMFAO

The Fury said...

A-buzzz - I want her to know how to cook. Hell, I can cook. But in this day and age women are on that "I'm independent" shit but can't make a hot dog.

You're Latina. Some of those Latina moms give their daughter's home classes on domestics and beauty secrets and ish. I've SEEN it.

Brooke said...


"I guess my breaking point would be once I have expressed my wants/needs/expectations in a relationship and having those wants/needs/expectations go unheard/unmet"

This resonates with me because most men and women don't get the benefit of having someone tell them exactly what they need in order to make a relationship work. They often think their partners are supposed to read their minds, and the communication is off. But when you TELL someone what you want and need, and they say they're in agreement, and then they don't do it, that cuts. It's a waste of time.

A to the Buzzz said...

I'm very independant. But I can cook my ass off. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

And yes our mother's make sure we can cook a pernil with our hair done, make up on in stillettos while doing a load of laundry and prepping for work the next day. LOL

The Fury said...

I agree with SuSu. If you tell someone what you NEED and they can't provide it within reason then there's no need to continue the relationship. Those NEEDS should also be something you're willing to provide as well.

A-Buzzz - Yeah all of that. See. That's that ish that puts other women at a disadvantage

The Cable Guy said...

Women still cook these days? ;-)

Brooke said...

I can cook, I just don't do it. No need to - I've been spoiled lately :-)

A-buzzz said...

LMFAO... Awwwww Brooke. :-)

Serena W. said...


OMISSION & LYING (deal breakers)!

How about saying something because it sounds ultra good and then when ish hits the fan you all of a sudden forgot what you said! In other words...I can't deal with PUNKS!

I'm just saying...

Another major deal must have a spiritual foundation. Period. Also respect me for my foundation as well.

Communication is big with me. I'd rather you be honest and open then silent and keeping me in wonderment.

Have morals, don't be abusive to me or yourself and love yourself. A man can't love me if he can't even look at himself in the mirror and love himself.

Also if you treat your family bad, have lack of respect for your mother and/or father when they deserve respect then don't even open up your mouth to say hello.

That's it...great topic.

Serena W. said...

Ms. Toni...I love this and agree..."My list has also changed. Not because I am willing to settle. It changed because as I get older I realize that we are all human, we all have baggage, and perfection does not exist in anyone - not even me :)"

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