Monday, January 23, 2012

Love Behind Closed Doors

Let's kick off this Monday with a guest blogger - our VERY OWN Serena Wills! :-)

Love Behind Closed Serena Wills

Sometimes love from the outside isn't what's going on behind closed doors - (Inspired by Heidi Klum and Seal, Jada and Will).

We all admire couples that we see making it happen! Will and Jada, Heidi and Seal. But what lurks behind closed doors we'll never know. Nana always told me to be careful of what the naked eye can see and not envy people's relationships.

She's so right. All I can do is trust in God and ask Him to show me MY path and not be envious of someone else's. In regards to love, I've watched so many couples over time that I adore. People that are my good friends and even family. I pray that their relationships are just as healthy behind closed doors as to what I see.

Then there are those I've seen that I just knew had it going on, and then I hear of the split. The stories of what was happening behind closed doors pour out after we discover they were putting on a facade to throw people off. Also, the facade was denial hoping that what was seen on the outside would trickle back down behind the closed doors.

I'm not saying the couples stated above didn't have love, but over time something happened and that love went awry.

I only pray that when a person is placed in my life that God wants for me that he will be ready to love, and open to letting what we have grow into a Divine love. I pray this prayer not just for myself, but friends as well. This year - 2012 - won't be the year for limbo or fake facades. It also won't be the year to pour energy into someone that won't allow themselves to be open to you.

I truly admire the couples above and hope the best for them - although they are celebrities. What I saw from the outside exemplified love. I've seen love before in what my grandparents shared. They loved each other inside and out.

Relationships are unique - none are the same. Ask for a beautiful, endearing kind of love from the inside that will pour outside. I wrote this because too many times I hear people say, "I want the kind of love like Will and Jada" or some other couple. Heck, even I'm guilty of saying stuff like that - but I have learned that I want what God has for me. I just have to sit and be patient and know it's coming. When it does, the love we will share will be displayed from the inside out - and it will be a love that was Divinely designed by Him.

Serena Wills


A to the bizzle said...


Yolanda said...

A-to the-MEN!

I don't even pray for specifics or qualities anymore. I just leave it up to God. When it happens, I'll be ready.

I was shocked by Heidi and Seal though, but looking back on it, he has been snippy to her on camera before. Maybe she had enough.

A-buzzzz said...

Serena this post was soo beautifully written.. Although I would expect nothing less from you.. lol
I think a lot of us have seen relationships from the outside & think they must have the PERFECT relationship. But we have to remember that NO ONE is perfect therefore how can any relationship be perfect.
I think as a couple it is most important to love & respect each other. Take each other & each other's feelings into consideration. Support each other & let each other be who they are.
I appreciate my relationship because it isn't perfect. We laugh, we love, we argue, sometimes we want to tase each other. LOL but at the end of the day we are down for each other and I truly believe we can at least TRY to work thru anything. I think that is problem. A lot of people don't realize that a relationship is WORK. You have to at least WANT to make it work & take steps for that to happen. If not it's not magically going to last forever.
I love the couples I surround myself with because I know they aren't "PERFECT" they are real & complex.

Brooke said...

I always get a real lesson when I hang out with Annamaria and her sister wives. They keep it 100, all the way through to the point where I'm like " I even WANT to get married?"

But I also see how they manage to navigate their non-perfect relationships and make it work for them. It truly is work, but luckily they have found men they WANT to make the effort for. That's half the battle.

Definitely not easy.

Courtney said...

I try to never look to celebrities as examples of love, because I feel like they live in an alternate world. I get that people are people and no amount of money or fame can make your relationship great, but I just think they have a whole different set of problems.

As for my friends and family, I have a few examples of relationships I think work well, but I know they're far from perfect. I used to wish for a guy like my friends had, only to discover that their man gets on their nerves just as much as mine does. You have to "know" who you're dealing with and accept them for who they are if they have the majority of the qualities you're looking for...because NO ONE is perfect.

A-buzz said...

LMFAO.... Marriage ain't no joke. It's hard work. The right person will make you WANT to make the effort and do the work BUT it is work none the less. It isn't for everyone. When we went to SC last month we met a couple that had gotten married the same day as us 30 years prior... I RESPECT THE HELL OUT OF THEM..That's an accomplishement in my eyes.

SarKism said...

Very well stated Serena!

I've been the viewed and the viewer. I've always told my single friends that MARRIAGE is WORK. The hardest job you will ever have (maybe even harder than being a parent). Like AM said...I'm thankful to have someone that I will fight this good fight with - even when I want to tase him.

Also this is right on time as I recently learned that my next door neighbor was being violently abused (like call the police) by her husband since we've lived next to them. I was VERY emotional that I was right here and UNAWARE and couldnt help. It was eye opening to say the least. You just never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Aisha G of HartlynKids said...

I blogged about this last year and actually did a facebook post about not giving too much credit to public appearance of relationships. I mean - you just never know

Anonymous said...

This is so true. I've lived it. When "it" was decided that it was time to move on from my first marriage, I was asked "what will everyone think". That further confirmed it was time to move on. You are in a marriage for you, not the world. When you are working at a marriage for the wrong reasons, you are setting it up to fail. What you see is not always what it is. It was amazing to see the dual personalities when we were alone and when friends were around. Do not try to emulate another relationship, emulate the values that make up a successful relationship.

Serena W. said...

Thanks everyone! And yes I agree! No marriage is perfect. When I read about Heidi and Seal it just hit me as to what goes on behind closed doors. One never knows sometimes. Courtney I'm so sorry about your neighbor and will keep her in prayer. It's like a bad book with a great cover. Once you open it to read the story you don't like what you are reading but that cover caught your eye!

Serena W. said...

Preach Anonymous! Some people jump the broom and for all the wrong reasons or want to stay in it for everyone else...but themselves. I had a friend that went through a bad marriage, she said something told her to not marry him. But she didn't want to let her family down. She went through with it and ended up beaten and mentally abused. She got out but tried to stick it out for a while because of what others would say.

A-buzz said...

When I got pregnant with Sophia if we had a dollar for everyone that asked are ya'll going to get married now?
I would have NEVER asked Powerz to propose just because I was pregnant. A marriage is for a husband & wife & shouldn't be done because of a kid. Because when those kids are grown & out the house THEN WHAT? You stuck with someone you can't stand. We got married in OUR time... So when we kick Sophia out the house at least I know I'm stuck with someone I want to tase BUT I still love & want to be with. LOL

Serena W. said...

Powerz...I hope you have a taser lol! But you're so right. Too many people see that children=marriage. This isn't true. There are a lot of people that love each other as friends and raise their children in a wonderful environment but aren't together. But there are too many people that get together OR stay together just for the kids and that isn't right. Children should be able to see their parents as 1 unit and feel the love pour off of them. Children a lot of times can sense when something isn't right between a couple e.g. their parents.

Annamaria please don't tase Powerz too bad over the years! Ha!

A-buzzzz said...

I only tase him once in a while to get his blood moving. :-) Make sure his pulse & his heart are beating... LOL

The Cable Guy said...

I got married because my ex was pregnant, and it was the wrong move. She didn't want people to look at her as "just a baby mama."
I knew better in my mind and my heart, but I wanted to make an honest woman out of her, so to speak.

I'll never do that again... the next time will definitely be for love. But I also won't be bringing anymore kids into this world without being married first.

Stef said...

I find people want to get married because they think that's what you're supposed to do. I'm beginning to think that marriage is antiquated now, and it's definitely not for everyone.

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