Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Happy Hump Day!
As Monica and I soaked up the warm, Spring sun yesterday at lunch, we were approached by a old Indian man walking with a cane. He handed me his business card and said he wanted to talk to me because he "could feel my energy." I read the card – “Reading by Yanni.” He was a spiritual healer and advisor who got some type of vibe from me. He proceeded to tell me that I was a generally “lucky” person overall, but that I had negative people around me – jealous people – three of them: 2 men and 1 woman. He also said that a man in my life was giving me problems and needed to be straightened out.
Interesting.
He asked me to call him as he walked away so he could give me a proper reading. Monica and I looked at each other like, “where did HE come from?” We joked, but gave each other wide eyed looks while asking “Who could be jealous of me?”
We took his comments with a grain of salt and continued our conversation. I didn’t spend the rest of the day wondering about jealousy or any negative people around me. Yanni was trying to get my money while proclaiming that he knows me, my life and the people in it. I’m not saying there aren’t intuitive or psychic people out there…but I’m jus sayin.’
I told my mother about our lunch time run-in with the spiritual advisor and she seemed genuinely concerned. “Jealousy is a bad thing, that’s not good at all. Who do you think it is?” I just told her to relax, because all the jealousy and negativity in the world can't steal my joy or blessings.
But while I will concede that “over-the top, psycho, slash tires, brick through windows, stay the hell away from Jazmine Sullivan” jealousy is not cool – can a little bit of jealousy ever be a good thing?
It’s a genuine emotion. It may be considered a negative emotion, but so is anger – and we have the right to feel anger just as we have the right to feel joy, or sadness or disappointment. All of us have felt a pang of jealousy in our lives at some point. It’s human nature, a natural occurrence that can come and go as fast as a summer breeze. Just like anything else, it’s how you deal with these emotions that determines your character.
Most times, jealousy is tied directly to self-esteem…or lack thereof. But there is silly jealousy, and then there is insecure, irrational jealousy. There are varying degrees of it, some of it innocent and insignificant, some of it dangerous. It can be comical or complex - with thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of a relationship. Sometimes these threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential attraction between one’s partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival. Jealousy has many forms…but is it always negative?
Sometimes jealousy can cause you to take stock of yourself in a positive way. If you’re jealous of the hot new assistant working at your man’s office, it may make you realize that perhaps you could be taking better care of yourself and how you present yourself. I know a woman who started dressing sexier and getting her hair done more often because her man commented on how well put together his new supervisor was. I know a guy who started going to the gym more and working out a little harder once he met his girlfriend’s new trainer – who was nothing short of Zeus. The thought of someone possibly stealing their mate away – whether the threat was real or perceived – actually helped them to step their game up. And their partners, who probably didn’t even realize this jealousy even existed, were the beneficiaries.
Now if their partners TRIED to make them jealous, that’s a different story. Sometimes we mention the guy at the gym who always wants to spot us, or the girl at Starbucks who always flirts with us first thing in the morning as we order our coffee – trying to get a rise out of our partner to see if they care. It’s our way of testing our partner’s desire for us, so we see if we can make them jealous. If we succeed, we feel good about ourselves and our relationship – because we think that means it’s not in danger. But if we don’t succeed in making our partners jealous, then we wonder if they still want us, or find us worthy of being jealous over. Trying to bring about jealous feelings in another person only displays our own insecurities.
However, jealousy doesn’t always have to be romantic. Most commonly, people are jealous of their partners, but this is not always the case. Friends can be jealous of their best friend’s new partner, new partners can be jealous of their partner’s best friend. Friends can be jealous of their best friend’s new job, new car, or new house. People can become jealous because their partners or friends have a great passion for some activity or hobby which excludes them, like rock-climbing, wine tasting or writing. But a little taste of the green eyed monster doesn’t always mean you don’t wish them well, or want them to get hit by an ice cream truck. It may simply make you take stock of what you want for yourself…and help you go out and get it.
But if you openly hate on them and secretly plot on their demise, then you have serious issues.
I don’t want to wax hysterical about what jealousy is, what it isn’t, what can cause it and what might cure it. I don’t really know, to be honest…and every circumstance is different. But what I would like ask people is if they agree that a little bit of decently-expressed jealousy or envy is ever okay in small doses? Would any of you ever get upset if your partner never got even a little bit jealous sometimes? Tell the truth…let’s go!
-b
26 comments:
FIRST BITCH!!!
First beeeeches!
I admit. I'm a jealous person. I've gotten it in check in recent years because it does nothing good for the spirit. Plus, what's meant for you is for YOU...no point in worrying about what another person has or wants.
DAMN! They both beat me!
Anyone who says they never feel jealousy ever is lying. It's all in how you handle it. Sometimes it's slight and goes away quickly, sometime it festers or lingers. It's a natural emotion, it's all about having control over it like Yolanda said.
Now, we just need to figure out who these bitches are that are jealous of you! LOL!
Jealousy is a natural emotion, just don’t take it too far because it becomes annoying!!!!!
Jealousy happens. It just does. But a rational person will realize when he's being irrational and jealous and take control of the emotion before it becomes destructive. All of us have felt it, but not all of us give into it.
If I'm jealous, no one will ever know it. My pride is a bit too strong to ever let that emotion show, especially if I feel that someone is TRYING to make me jealous. That never works on me, and most people are so insecure when they try to do that that they dont' realize how transparent they are.
And to answer your question - I don't think I'd ever want to see my girl behave in a jealous way, because that would mean that she's so insecure that she lets that show, or I'm not doing my part to make sure my woman feels secure in our relationship. Sometimes we make our partners insecure, and even the most confident of men and woman can have doubts if they're mate isn't stepping up.
Good topic B!
and by "they're mate" I mean "their mate" - mental slip! LOL!
Hello Blog Fam!!! Happy Wednesday!!
My goodness what a great topic to talk about. Jealousy is something I have experienced for a long time towards me and also other people I know. And I for one have never understood any of it. I see it as such a WASTE of energy.. For all that engery you waste being jealous of a person , why not rejoice in the blessing they have recieved. All your doing is drawing negative engergy to yourself to not have any blessings.. It just doesnt make any sense.
I found it so refreshing to find out good news for a person whether I know them or not. I give women I dont know or know compliments all the time, whether i like their hair style jewelry, dress purse , shoes or whatever. A compliment makes everyone smile and everyone likes being compliemnted. And if anyone says they dont they are LYING! Why be jealous.. and struck with sour emotion..
The whole test thing about a partner testing you to get you jealous is down right ridiculous. I find it rather annoying. I see no cuteness in it at all. And he who tries fails miserably at trying to get a rise out of me. Please.. Dont waste 10 minutes of my life span on non sense like that just to try and have your ego stroked. Its childish in my opinion. And usually i would agree to what ever it is that the stronger said to them, like they are cute , good looking , well buildt, nicely dressed. etc. I will co-sign and say yes you are.. But dont try and get me to act a fool or get all bent out of shape... Please...
Long story short the majority of people in society whether you know them or not will sometimes find a reason to be jealous or envious of you.
But take someones jealousy as a compliment...that means your on their minds and you are doing your job... wink...
Like Sillouette said, I welcome the haters, means my shit is tight! LOL!
1. I'm jealous that Geeque is first... JERK..LOL
2. Anywho... anyone that is jealous of you doesn't care about you & therefore shouldn't be in your life. Anyone that knows Brooke should realize automatically what an amazing person she is. Heck her & I were buddies even before we MET... :)
BUT don't stress these people will reveal themselves in time & I will be close by with my taser! I GOT YOU BOO. lol
so B, do you think anyone is hating on you? man or woman? :)
We all have felt jealous before, but as you get older, you know better than to react to it or let it get a hold of you.
If someone tries to make me jealous, then I bounce them quick, cuz that means they're insecure and childish. And if I feel jealous, like Jay said, I don't show it cuz it normally just goes away anyway. I'm too handsome to ever be jealous of anyone else ;)
But sometimes you DO have to be careful when dealing with fake friends and those who are jealous of you, cuz they can sabotage you if you're too trusting and not careful.
Agree with Stef.
Its all in how you handle it.
Jay and I seem to have the exact same strategy also.
I'm just too prideful to even appear jealous, cuz it aint a good look.
My policy is if I HAVE to be somewhere where my jealousy may be some raging monster, me and the monster are staying home. Sometimes I get it wrong, but I'd rather be the boxer that just smiles when hit with a shot than the jealous fool who clowns instead.
As for a jealous chick, gimme 50 feet. I want no parts of it. Its cute the first 3 times, but ultimately...no thanks.
DMoe
I confess I'm jealous of Brooke. I am jealous that she gets to watch TV all day & that she meets famous people all the time...
I'm even jealous that she's going to Morocco...
@Annamaria, thank you for those kind words...and having my back! lol!
@Cable Guy,
I don't know if anyone is "hating" on me or is jealous of me in the least. I have a couple friends who give backhanded compliments every once in a while, but I usually just let that roll of my back. No one that I truly consider a friend has shown me any signs of being envious or jealous in any way.
And honestly, if there ARE people close to me who are jealous or envious, I don't care to know about it. I don't get that feeling, so they're doing a great job of hiding it if they are. And if it's not getting in the way of our friendship, then I'm not worried about it. I wish all of my friends well and want them all to be happy and to succeed - so I hope they want the same for me.
Besides, I believe in energy that you put out into the universe...so if you wish ill on someone else, it comes back to you tenfold.
Just read your other comment Anna, trust me - watching tv all day gets old :-) LOL!
I'm jealous that you're getting married in DR and I can't go!
LMAO.. ok then I guess we even..LOL
The only way we wouldn't be even is if I take Laz Alonso to Morocco with me :-) LOL!
you could bring him as your date to the wedding.... :)
imagine that :-)
I'm jealous of Jay/Hova cuz he took my answer. Get out of my head, dude...
@Rameer and DMoe,
That's real talk.
My ex once told me that she didn't think I cared cuz I never showed any jealousy around her or in our relationship - but who would want their man to feel jealous if they truly cared about him? That makes no sense to me, and I'm not into that "testing me" bullsh*t. I show I care by my actions, not if I get mad at a dude for saying hi to you. I shouldn't have to feel like you could bounce at any second cuz some other dude came around and I shouldn't have to prove my love by being jealous. If I'm with you I'm with you. Period. All the rest of that stuff is silly games. We're too old for that now.
Our thought processes and philosophies on the subject are EXACTLY the same, bruh. Absolutely.
I echo Jay's sentiments and Brooke, good answer to you as well.
Later for them jealous heffas!
I used to be a VERY jealous person, but as I got older and more sure of myself, I found that it has subsided significantly. I think it's a natural emotion, but like any other emotion can be destructive if not managed correctly.
I was especially jealous of my friends even though I was happy for them and their successes. That may sound contradictory, but I believe my jealousy revealed more how I felt about myself than how I felt about them. I then realized that in celebrating my friends' successes in a genuine way and surrounding myself with postiive people, I was motivated to better myself and be happy with my OWN successes. By addressing my jealousy in this case has made me a better person.
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