Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Happy TMI Tuesday!
So...here's a question I've been meaning to ask - when you're dating someone, how long should you be going out before you can pee with the door open?
Yes, it's TMI Tuesday!
You know what I mean - when do you let your unladylike, or un-gentlemanly behavior surface?
For example, I will probably burst a blood vessel before I pass gas in front of a man. ANY man - especially the one I'm dating.
I run water when I pee so he won't hear it. And the door is definitely closed!
Y'all know what I'm talking about - start this clip at 1:14:
But then you get comfortable. He thinks you're cute and ignores your snoring. You think he's adorable, so you overlook the fact that he chews his food like a cow. You're in that stage where you can let it go (no pun intended....well...kinda intended).
But when do we get to that stage? Three months? Six months? A year? Never?
I've dated guys who farted in my presence on our first date. And while they said "excuse me," I was still taken back. My first reaction was, "Dude, we ain't cool like that yet." But he did it like it was nothing - I think he almost took pride in busting a good one. I just tried to forget it...while holding my breath of course.
I remember the first time I passed gas in front of a guy. I was mortified. He barely noticed. When he asked me why I was turning red, I said, "Because I passed gas." (I figured I should warn him in case it was a deadly one). He was like, "awww, how cute."
Men.
Men that I've dated fart in front of me all the time. And they do it fairly early in the dating stage too. And it's not like they're silent but deadly ones, or it just snuck up on them and slipped out. They dug in deep for it and let it rip! When I look surprised or say, "uh..excuse me," they say, "What? Everyone does it." Meanwhile, I'm passed out on the floor somewhere.
I understand everyone does it. Of course we do. But if I let it go, even a sneaky one, a dude would look at me like I'm crazy. While he's just "being a man," I'd be considered a nasty heffa!
Why are women the ones who have to be ladylike all the time when it comes to those things? Men can belch, burp, fart, scratch and grab all they want - while women have to hold it in, let it stay stuck or let it itch? And if we ARE allowed to just hang loose, when is it safe to do that?
I'm sure it's all relative, and each relationship is different, but if it were up to me, a man would NEVER see me do ANY of that stuff if I can help it. Some things should just remain a mystery.
Men, tell me...is it a turn-off if a woman passes gas or belches in front of you too soon - if at all? Or would you rather see this side of her early just to get it over with and see if you can stomach it?
Ladies, same question...are you turned off by caveman behavior displayed too early? Do you expect your man to get to know you better and get further along in your relationship before he stands there peeing with the door open?
Any horror stories? Come on y'all...it's TMI Tuesday, and I can't be the only one spilling the beans all the time :-) Let's go!
-b
58 comments:
Yall slippin'!!!! How am the hell am I first??? I didn't even try to be first. With that said ..... FIRST BITCHES!!!!!
Excuse the typos ...
LOL@ Keefe.
I think it is different for women, I would never fart in front of anyone I was dating within the first 3 months, maybe after 6 I might get comfy enough to do it, but even then I'd be mortified by the thought of doing it. LOL...
For me snoring is a non-negotiable... if I find out you snore early on then it's pretty much a wrap for me from that point on... silly, but for me that's something I can't deal with personally.
I think it's just about finding a person that you're comfortable enough with that you allow yourself to be the real "you" from the very beginning. Or as close to the "real" you that you can be...
Boy Brooke-Ra. I must say - you've got some *winners* in your past.
Now granted, perhaps it was the family I was raised in, but I don't fart in front of women I'm dating. Like, at all. I was taught you politely get up and leave - I'll just simply go to the bathroom. If I've farted when she was out of the room and she's coming into it, I'll let her know that I've passed gas. But I don't do anything that one would consider bad manners in front on non-family members...and the family members I do any of these things in front of are relatives who are of the same age who we used to do that as kids.
A woman farting and blatantly burping in front of me - dealbreaker. That's just nasty...a small burp while eating is understandable. But letting one go like Barney on "The Simpsons"? Take your nasty-ass elsewhere, cretin!
And I use the bathroom with the door CLOSED. WTF? Why would I leave the door open while peeing and someone is there? What caveman antics are those?
I actually may snore at times, but it's not regular or anything. If you know me and are sleeping next to me, it's pretty easy to stop - give me a slight shove and I completely stop. I usually only snore if I'm laying flat on my back - or if I'm completely exhausted.
As far as horror stories - I remember when I was younger, my brother took me with him over this chick's house cuz he needed a wingman - who better than big bro who had taught him all the tricks in the first place? We get there, and I'm pleasantly surprised - the other girl there was cute as all hell!
We're there, kicking it...planning to stay into the night since their parents weren't home, and they had food and some movies to watch. We're on the porch, kicking it, and the girl I'm matched up with lets out the nastiest, from the gut, hobo in the back of the park burp I had EVER heard. A long one, too! I look at my brother mortified...he won't look at me directly, cuz he already knows. THEN, on top of that, she hawks a giant LOOGEY on the ground. She proceeds to gather more phlegm to hawk another one...and another one...and ANOTHER ONE.
I tell my brother "THAT'S IT - WE'RE SWAYZE!!!" My bro tries to play it off..."what, what's up?" "NEE-GRO, you KNOW what's up! This chick is nasty as f**k!!" She tries to try the "we all do it" argument, and I'm like not in my family! We don't do that ish in front of prospective romantic interests! We leave, with a bit of arguing from my bro as we ride our bikes off...I say a bit, cuz he knew too much would result in a severe arse-whooping.
But I notice he never messed with that chick again. Even he figured if she was friends with a girl like that and cool with her behavior, what nasty surprise would SHE eventually have in-store?
There's something I talk about often called "Home Training". The older gods and Earths used to talk about acting like you had it all the time when I was young. The lesson sunk in...so I don't exhibit a lack of HT in inappropriate situations, nor do I hang around women who exhibit it either.
I think it's very un-feminine for a woman to be letting farts and belches go in front of romantic partners all willy-nilly. Perhaps if it's a long time love interest or you're married, that's a different story. But in my situations, I ain't effin with women acting that way.
TASER @ KEEFE!!!
Rameer: What if you have to fart while you're sleeping do you get up & go to the bathroom????
Austin & I must feel completely comfy in front of each other cause we do everything out in the open in front of each other.... I burp like a champ in front of him & so does he. We fart & we actually leave the bathroom door open to have conversations with each other...LOL
I must admit though til him I never felt comfortable enough with anyone to do that.....
And his snoring DOES drive me completely bonkers..BUT I've discovered that if I mush him lightly he stops...UNFORTUNATELY one day I was annoyed at being woken up & mushed a lil too hard... Then had to stand over him to make sure he was breathing cause I thought I snapped his neck! LMAO
Well, Annamaria - I DID say the rules may be different for long-term relationships and marriages. I can't speak on those situations, cuz I'm not currently IN them.
As far as if I'm sleeping...I don't think I let 'em go when I'm sleep; at least my women have never told me I do. But if we're both in bed lying there and awake - hell yeah I get up and go to the bathroom. It's nasty to subject her to my farts like I don't give a eff that she's right next to me. I know *I* wouldn't appreciate it - so I wouldn't do it to her.
These ain't my boys we're talking about. It's my woman. I just was taught differently.
I honestly think you should do it all from jump...LOL. that way people know what they geting into..
Dont just turn into a nasty negro be that from JUMP...LOL
That's the thing. I never TURN into the nasty Negro. There are no stories of how I got nasty after the "honeymoon stage", cuz I never have. Neither have my siblings.
That's just us. My mother feels comfortable burping in front of family, but would never do it in public. But we don't even burp loudly in front of each other. I guess I grew up that way, and beat the same thing into my brother and sister.
My sis i VERY feminine and dainty. She'd be mortified just reading this blog...
Dear Brooke-lyn,
I'm very prissy about those things. I too run water when I urinate. My brother, who coincidentally turns 20 y/o today, told me "OMG, in all these yrs, I've never heard you fart! Are you human??" I've never cursed in front of them either. Yes I did. They were in the car w/me when I hit another car.
An ex of mine passed gas in front of me on our first date. I wouldn't have even noticed. He put me in the car after dinner and walked around to the driver's side. It looked as if he was bending down to tie his shoe or something. So when he got back in the car, he said "Whew, I had to let that one go!" I had the WTF face you were talking about. He'd urinate while we were on the phone, pass gas while we're sitting on the couch watching tv. Funny, they never really annoyed me, eventho I chose not to do those things. Men are much more comfortable w/things like that.
Y'all are so funny!
I posted a clip from Martin Lawrence that you all may have missed - so you can go back and watch it if you want :)
I didn't have time to find the clip last night :)
Anyway, Rameer...yes, I've dated some interesting men in my time - and ALOT of them are now black history due to their interesting behavior. While they argued that they felt comfortable enough with me to do it, I was still shocked that this is what they considered first date behavior.
But I've been with guys who I was in relationships with for a while who finally let it go at about 6 months or so. When I noticed, they said it was their way of letting me know that they feel comfortable with me and while not trying to offend me, still didn't feel the need to bust a gut holding it in. I guess some men and women are different, but I try to keep that as much to myself as possible.
I did date a guy who would always come in the bathroom when I was in there...sitting down. I started to lock the door and he was like "why you don't want me to come in?"
Some things men just shouldn't see, and God forbid it was that time of the month. I need a little extra time in there and I damn sure don't need you barging in! I just didn't understand why he wanted to stand there...and he'd call me in the bathroom to talk to him while he was sitting there and I'd be like "I'll wait." It was like the scene from Friday when Craig was talking to his dad - I can just wait til you get out!
Rameer, that girl just sounded gross, I would have bounced too!
I mean, I guess most guys probably aren't like me in the respect of exhibiting nasty behaviors in front of their women. But I just didn't grow up like that. ME - not others. I forced the same thought process on to my brother and sister, so us three are just very apprehensive about that type of thing. We think it's bad manners, couth and Home Training.
I had an ex who was obsessed with watching me pee! I couldn't understand why she would want to come see me do that. I told her I thought it was weird and disgusting, and she rarely did it - but she still *wanted* to. It was one of the few things I really disliked about her.
I don't want to be around anyone while they're on the toilet. AT ALL. I don't want ANYONE around ME while I'm on the toilet. AT ALL. And I find it like some scene out of Animal Kingdom that the way a guy lets a woman know he's comfortable is by emitting gas our of his arse. Um...don't land mammals do similar crap? What are they - chimps??
How about simply SAYING you're comfortable? I mean, personally - if I'm walking around the house in basketball shorts, SU slippers and t-shirt (or maybe not one), I think that's a CLEAR indication I'm comfortable.
Most women can tell very easily if I trust and/or am comfortable around them - I allow them to cook for me. While I know you have talked about guys begging for a meal from you, I'm the opposite - it takes A LOT of trust and a very high comfort level for me to eat the food of a woman I don't know. We can date for quite a while, and I WON'T eat anything she cooks. I'll even watch if she goes to get me something simple like a piece of fruit. It may be weird, but as my mother always says "my kids DO NOT trust just anyone when it comes to food".
So if you make a meal and I eat it - ESPECIALLY if I haven't watched you prepare it - that pretty much lets you know I trust you and am comfortable. I don't need to singe your noise hairs to alert you to that fact.
Lolz...
I don't fart in front of women, but I will admit that I've peed with the door open, but only if she can't see me. But if she's in the kitche, I might run in there and pee real quick and leave the door open if she's talking to me or something :)
That Martin clip was hilarious! I think it's funny cuz what do you DO if you have to fart while having sex? Yo, I will hold that sh*t in til I can't take it anymore. Better yet, ever have to pee or take a dump while having sex?? Oh my God, the worst! I've faked orgasms just so I can get up and go to the bathroom. While she thinks I'm just "cleaning up" after sex, I'm really using the bathroom or something. Then she's all shocked when I come back and ready to go again :)
I know..TMI...but its Tuesday right? LOL!!
I don't think I've encountered a man yet who hasn't peed with the door open. I've finally stopped letting the water run when I'm in there. But I am a primo "courtesy flusher," fo' real!
What's the big deal? You swap spit and other bodily fluids and put your mouth in (ahem) places, right?
Go forth and be pissy with the door open!
I ain't peeing with the door open. That's just nasty. Sorry.
But, as I always say - I DID grow up in a family of women. So many things that guys do, I don't. I always lift the seat when I pee - no one has to be around. And I put it back down, too. So a woman has never has had to complain about that issue with me.
Never had to take a dump during sex...it would actually turn me off if a woman got out of bed after we just got done getting it in, only to go drop some logs in the river. Yuck.
Mommy told us to close the door. So, we close the door. She also taught us our behavior doesn't change just cuz we ain't home, cuz it reflects on our upbringing.
Guess that's just me. I know I stand alone in on this topic.
Simply put -
I just try to keep the 'dating' rules in place on this one. Its never ok if I can help it. Let every impression be governed like its your first (if I can help it)
While there are exceptions, I just don't like to reveal all that.
-The door is closed when I shake hands with the mayor.
-She doesn't need to smell what i'm "processing" either. No letting that go while watching the game, or chillin on the couch, etc.
Silent or otherwise.
If I can't keep it to myself, that's a quick run to the bathroom - door closed (again).
-Bathroom #2 needs at her place?
Here's the mental checklist:
1. Running water (muffling the sound of the "doinks")
2. Drop one/Flush one.
No matter how many gallons go down the drain, the formula is 1:1.
That is all.
DMoe aka The Bodily Function Ninja
"shaking hands with the mayor"? LOL!! That was funny :)
What? no "crowning" jokes today DMoe? Ha!
As far as farting while asleep, I can't be held responsible for that. If I do it, please accept my apologies, even though no one has told me that I ever did that.
I once had a friend who told everyone - male or female - that she doesn't fart...like EVER. She had a boyfriend who farted all the time - but then again, we were in junior high and boys thought that mess was cute back then.
Well, one day, we were all laying on the floor on our stomachs, hands in chin, watching tv. He gets up to go do something and he steps on her back lightly in playful way - more like a tap.
When I tell you she let out the biggest fart, it literally took us all by surprise! And her face turned bright red! Now, of course we had to be like "oh, I thought you never farted!?" She got up and ran and locked herself in the bathroom for HOURS! It was the funniest thing ever!
Brooke why ya'll traumatizing that poor girl cause her asshole got away from her!!!!!!!!! LMAO....
P.S.-Yanks in 6!!!!!!!!!! :)
I agree with Georgia Peach, if you snore, I can't get with you. My sleep is too important.
I have a horror story.
Once a guy farted while I was giving him a blowjob. It was a little quiet one. I cursed his ass out! You KNEW you had to do that, yet you didn't warn me or move me or anything?! I was pissed.
He said it was feeling so good he couldn't control himself. I don't think I sucked another dick for YEARS after that!
And then he tried to flip is saying that I farted once while he was hittin it from the back. But that's not a fart fellas, its called air and suction. When you guys come all the way out and then go back in, air gets trapped and makes a suction "farting" sound. That's not coming from our ass, it's coming from the air being sucked in and out from our va-jay-jays! Or the suction sounds when our stomachs get air trapped between them. I hate that! It sounds funny though, ya'll know what I'm talking about?
I can't believe I said all this, but I figured I always stay quiet during TMI Tuesday, so thought I'd share...anonymously! LOL!
LMAO!! hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
wow...that was uh...interesting.
Annamaria, don't start none won't be none.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for blessing me with TMI Tuesday. Thank you for anonymous providing the lovely comment a moment ago.
Your son,
DMoe
Oh, like I'm the only one!
Anonymous, you're not the only one! I know exactly what you're talking about with the air suction stuff! DMoe knows it happens too! Stop frontin DMoe! lol!
I know Anonymous, all these fucks acting all bougie (sp?) - I know what you talkin about girl! It only makes noise if its a tight fit though ;)
The worst is trying to hold in a fart while having sex or getting a blowjob. I would have stopped you though, cuz that shit is nasty. I would have played it off like "damn girl, it's so good, let me do you" :) I would never wanna risk you not ever wanting to go down on me again :) lol!
Oh, and Brooke, you can fart in front of me ANY day :) LOL!
I didn't mean to write fucks - don't know how that happened :) My bad!
The noise you all are referring to is a "queef". It is quite commonplace.
And Brooke-Ra, you may NOT fart in front of me. I adore you, but if there's a bathroom nearby, utilization of the facility is the key. Otherwise, simply go to another room/area, as I would for you.
I must be that rare weirdo who never has had to hold in a fart during a blowjob. During sex, yes...but never let one go during sex.
Never liked the word "queef" Just like I don't like the words "tits" "p*ssy" and "cunt" - I can write them...for the most part, but I have a hard time saying them. Just sounds crass to me - guess I wouldn't be a good phone sex operator :) LOL!
Just reading these comments is cracking me up!
Hold up...
I know ya'll not questioning my props to the man upstairs!!
Anyway, the fartin' sound from air/suction?
(a)Quite familiar.
(b)Always a good sign.
(c)If I farted when I was gettin' some brain, or in another spot doin' whatever, I obviously have larger, dietary and digestive issues to address.
@Anonymous, I salute you.
@Stef, no frontin there.
Actually, I lit a cigar, poured some Scotch (in a snifter), and put on my favorite smoking jacket in my favorite leather chair to read anonymous' tale of "fartin' tale".
Carry on.
Dmoe aka John Grisham
Aww, c'mon, Brooke-Ra - Mel Gibson calling a female cop "sugarTITS" is one of the funniest quotes of all-time!
And who can forget Grace Jones in Boomerang and her use of the word p*ssy? How about P*ssy Galore, the James Bond girl??
I don't mess with the c-word. That's automatic female flip-out where I'm from.
DMoe is HILARIOUS! Lmao!
I know Rameer, I know! I can say those words sometimes, but not ALOT. I just can't! I don't think I said ANY of those words til well after my 21st birthday :) I was always told to speak like a lady.
Now...writing them, I can do that ;) I've been known to write a little erotica here and there - shhhh!
DMoe, you have issues :) LOL!!
oh, and I DO like the name "P*ssy Galore" - that would be my Girl 6 name...if I did that sort of thing. I was told I have a Girl 6 type of voice...when I'm sleepy anyway. Now I just need to work on my vocab and I'll have a good side hustle! LOL!
B, you can call me and practice :)
Cable Guy being mad thirsty again :)
To add to the topic - ladies, when do you bust out the "granny panties"? Or let them see you with a scarf on your head?
Ooo - now Stef just hit a good one! I'm interested to see the responses to THAT question...
Stef being a hater again :)
When I met Brooke, she had a scarf on her head, and was still sexy as hell. If you fine, then none of that will matter really. It's actually kinda good when I meet women with no makeup on, hair in a ponytail, just looking fresh faced and clean - that way I see what she'll look like when we wake up in the morning...not what she looks like all dolled up and then when she takes the makeup and fake hair off, I'm running for the hills!
As for granny panties, not sure how I feel about that...aren't those usually your "period panties"? If so, then no, I probably won't be seeing them anyway.
"granny panties" are for that time of the month usually for me. While I don't own any REAL lingerie, most of my undies are basis hip huggers or an occasional thong ;)
As for the scarf, if a man is in my bed, we're usually getting busy, which means my hair is already messed up...so no need for a scarf.
But, since Cable Guy showed up at the crack ass of dawn to fix my internet, I had a scarf on and couldn't care less that he saw me like that :)
Well, I can agree with Captain Cable on wanting to see a woman with no makeup on and as you would see her in the morning. However, since I don't even mess with ANY women who are makeup fiends or do the fake hair thing, I've never really worried about running for the hills when I see what they "really" look like.
Granny panties are only for periods, huh? Well, back in the day, I knew a few who rocked them joints without it being that time of the month...
I prefer women in the bikini joints, thongs or boy shorts. Just looks sexy and yummerific.
In all fairness, since we're talking about women's garments - I'm a boxer-briefs man myself. Occasionally regular boxers.
TMI? Lolz...
Is "fixing your internet" some kind of sexual innuendo? Or did Cable guy really fix your wireless router and provide tech support? Would explain a lot why he so damn thirsty! I am surprised he don't call you "Sunshine"!
There is nothing sexier than seeing a woman in some boy shorts (well maybe a woman in a thong! I can't decide) Granny panties are a no go on all occassions!
What consists of a granny panty? Is it the volume/large size of the panty? I don't believe I own any but I do have an abundance of cotton Victoria's Secret panties. Does that make me a granny panty wearer?
The scarf is busted out from jump street. You want me to look good, then the hair gets wrapped. Now, I will leave it off for "activities" then put it on after I put yo' azz to sleep. TMI?
No, he really did fix my router, no innuendo! Stop it!
Yolanda, to me, granny panties are the Hanes ones that come in a 6 pack :) They're comfy as hell, and I use them for that time because the panty pad is wide and non-lacy, etc. so that the liner stays on them better. And those are the ones I don't mind getting anything on if there happens to be a little leak :)
I know, I know...y'all didn't need to know that :)
And as for the scarf, I usually put one on to hide the mess I've made of hair...or that HE made of my hair...after "activities." I look like a hot mess after sex usually cuz I sweat my hair out - so I usually put the scarf on AFTER! :)
...and the men are throwing up as I type this...
The scarf never bothered me. Most Black women have 'em.
And the panties you're describing are NOT granny panties, Yolanda. They're those big huge cotton panties that cover the whole ass - and NOT in a sexy way. They usually look old and ratty, even when they're new. They don't fit the hips, legs, or butt in a sexy manner AT ALL - and look like something Laura Ingalls probably wore.
Then again, maybe Victoria Secret's DOES sell 'em. I've never seen a woman wearing Vickie Secretions that looked bad or were granny panties. Need a female to chime in on that one.
My scarf is more of a skull cap/fitted kinda thing. It's not floral, stinky or riddled with oil stains. It's more like a 'do rag but in a classy way, not like a Deebo/Big Worm looking thing. Can a scarf be classy? LOL
LOL!! Yolanda, you're funny.
I have a doo-rag thing that ties in the back with the line down the top, like a seam - you know what I'm talking about?
Anyway, I don't really own the type of granny panties that Rameer is referring to. My period panties are usually the ones I don't like anymore or that are older...so I use them for that. You just have to have the regular cotton ones from Vickies that Yolanda is talking about because thongs are TERRIBLE for that time of month. Boy shorts can work too...and they cover your entire ass...but are usually "cheeky" panties, so you have a bit of your ass out :) LOL!
Have any of you ever worn Spanx on a date? When do you let the dude see THOSE? hahahaha!
All ya'll some haters! You'd think she was YA'LL woman or something! LOL!
And yes, I provided tech support. While I've never seen Brookey's panties, I'm willing to bet she's sexy in any and all of them :)
I don't think I've ever seen granny panties - do women really won those?
"Spanx"??
Do I even WANT to know what the hell that is?!?
You've never heard of Spanx?
Guess you'd have to watch Oprah to know :)
It's basically a "smoothing" girdle that holds all your wobbly bits in :) LOL!!
They're like biker shorts that you wear under your clothes to smooth everything out :)
I meant to write "own" those.
Spanx? Sounds kinky ;)
I've heard of those though, women wear them under dresses, like tight ass panties hose or something?
Spanx are like a modern day girdle. I love them! They have them that you wear under dresses, pants, body shapers, all that! Great for special occasions, not sure I'd bust them out on a date though. And if I did, he DAMN SURE ain't gonna see it!
If you want to make sure you don't give up the booty on the first date, wear Spanx :) Cuz it's a bitch tryna get that thing off! LOL!
Um...yeah. DON'T watch Oprah, and the few times I do, it's particular clips on the Internet. I think there's something wrong with men who watch Oprah on the reg...just my opinion.
Never heard of Spanx, and obviously have never gone out with a woman who uses them. Guess you learn something new every day. Sounds to me like they fir under the category of "false advertising" that I alluded to in a previous blog. I'm FINE with a woman and her "wobbly bits" - cuz I'd be pissed if we got down to it and I found her to be something other than what was presented to me initially.
When I grew up, girdles and bodyshapers were for old women; I'd see my friends' grandmothers have 'em in the laundry or somethin'. Guess times are way different.
They must be like that infomercial I see on Telemundo for the body-shaping girdle...
Oh, I wore Spanx once and successfully slid them off in secret. I've also got those one piece body brief things that suck it all in but I pass those off as lingerie bodysuits or something. Hell, men don't know. They're just happy to be getting action.
I own Spanx, they make your dress fit better, smooths everything out. It doesn't create a false advertising type illusion - it's more just to make your garments look and fit better.
Yolanda, you slid them off in secret? You're a ninja! LOL!!
Thanks for the laughs!!!! These comments are funny!
Oh and it doesn't matter if we're dating or married! Close the door when using the bathroom!
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