Brookey's Cafe Blog

Good morning everyone :-)

So I'm feeling well enough to get up and go to work. Thank you all for all your well wishes! :-)

Being home all weekend on the couch left me with plenty of time to watch tv while trying blow my nose and breathe at the same time. As you can imagine, everything on the news focused on...you guessed it...Tiger Woods. While I think this story just keeps evolving (supposedly his wife has moved out...she'll be back), the same question is being asked everyday: "If you're going to cheat, why get married?"

Now, to be fair, not every person who cheats SETS OUT to cheat. I'm sure a good number of folks who get married are completely in love and believe in forever with that one person. But then things happen - boredom, complacency, children, finances, or whatever - all can and sometimes DO take a toll on a relationship. Some people cheat because they're lacking something in their relationship. Some do it because they want to feel desired, challenged or simply because they want sexual variety. None of these are justifiable excuses...but simply a reason for infidelity.

But there are some who KNOW they can't be faithful, yet get married or find themselves in "committed" relationships anyway. And if you're a celebrity, most know that with money and power come greater temptation. If they've mastered their field - whether it's entertainment in the form of movies, music or sports - your level of arrogance and the desire to have it all presupposes that getting caught or suffering consequences isn't high on your radar. Celebs are used to winning.

And then someone gets hurt.

And then you have to shell out millions of dollars to make her stay, and pay out more to keep the rest quiet...allegedly.

So is it worth it? Why get married? That's the question.

The REAL question could be, "Is monogamy normal?"

There is nothing that tells us that we NEED to get married. There's no crime in being single - even though some would treat it that way. Are we EXPECTED to get married? Is that what society tells us we should do?

I mean, if your religion tells you you should get married, then maybe that's one thing. And if so, then adultery probably goes against that...unless your religion tells you that you can have multiple spouses. But for most religions, adultery is a sin...and you're supposed to be stronger than nature and fight the temptations of the flesh.

But for those who may not be religious, and who believe that monogamy isn't natural, why do THOSE people get married? Why form permanent relationships - or label them that way? I know some guys who ALWAYS have a "girlfriend." They can't wait to introduce you to their "girlfriend." Yet, they always cheat on their girlfriends... they always have a girl on the side. My question to them was always, "Why have a girlfriend? Why not just date MULTIPLE women?"

Most of them said they loved their "girl" but just had the other women for sex. And most of them would throw themselves in front of bus if their girl or wife ever found out about their cheating ways. Yet they did it anyway. I never understood that.

If you believe that monogamy isn't natural, then don't be selfish. There is nothing wrong with not having to answer to anyone. There's nothing wrong with going out, spotting someone you wanna hook up with for the night, have non-committal sex and keep it moving. When you're single, you can keep your options open, change your mind, find a new flavor of the week and avoid the emotional turmoil of breaking someone's heart - and the financial devastation of having to pay to keep her...or lose her. Simply put, some people don't believe in monogamy...and there's nothing wrong with that.

But some people do.

Just like there's nothing wrong with NOT believing in monogamy, there are a bunch of people who like the security of monogamy...especially when there are incurable diseases out there that can kill you.

Some say married people are happier, healthier and wealthier. Some like the emotional and physical intimacy that comes with monogamous relationships. They like the warm fuzzy feeling they get from knowing someone who loves them is at home waiting for them to come through the door. They like having someone to call when they need someone to talk to, to cuddle with, to just...be there. It's a high level of commitment that forms a family of two - or more should you decide to have children.

And if you find that you're with a person who believes in those things, then the expectation is that you believe in those things too if you're together. So if you DON'T believe in being faithful - or you do and know in your heart that you can't live up to that expectation - then be honest. It's one thing if you falter and make a mistake. But if you get into a relationship knowing you can't be faithful, even when your partner expects you to, then set that person free to be with someone who CAN be faithful. It's the most loving, selfless thing you can do.

Society tells us we should be "coupled up" - live our lives in "pairs." That's not always true. Some like team sports, some thrive in individual sports. We shouldn't force or feel forced into monogamous relationships, or feel lonely if we aren't in one. Love can still exist in our lives...even individually...not married. Just be honest with yourself if you're a person who does NOT believe in monogamy so that you don't hurt the people who do...cuz there are a lot of "DO's" out there.

Jus sayin.

-b

Happy Monday everyone!

I'm home sick today, as I was on Friday...which is why I didn't blog on Friday. I hope you didn't miss me too much ;-)

I started not to blog today, but wanted to get your opinion on something.

I stayed on the couch all weekend watching tv (when I was awake), and happened to catch some of Saturday Night Live. As you can imagine, they had a field day with the Tiger Woods situation.



Rihanna was the musical guest on SNL, so my question to you is this - was this skit depicting domestic violence insensitive to Rihanna? Do you think SNL would have done this skit had the genders been reversed? And if not, do you feel there's a double standard when it comes to domestic violence?

That's about all the energy I have today as far as typing, but let me know your thoughts on this. I'm curious to see your responses.

Go!

-b

P.S. Oh, and if you missed Rihanna and "Shy Ronnie's" skit on SNL, it was great!

Happy Monday everyone!

I hope you all had a blessed and restful, long holiday weekend!

So, I get back to NY late last night like I always do coming back from Philly. I get myself all situated and in the bed, when suddenly I hear yelling. Then more yelling.

"You asshole!"

"I hate you too, get out!"

Then it hits me, it's my downstairs neighbors going at it again. These two guys have a big fight every few months. I hear furniture moving, glass being smashed against walls. I even called the cops one time because the one guy ran out of the apartment screaming, "Stop hitting me, don't hit me anymore!" He banged on a neighbor's door, she answered...but she wouldn't let him in, for fear that his boyfriend might come after her too. It was then that I called the police as he sat on the steps outside waiting for them to come.

I barely got any sleep last night because of their fighting. When I dragged myself in today, I mentioned to a friend on email that I was tired and the reason why. She wrote me back.

"Really, they fight like that in your building? I didn't think you lived in a neighborhood like that."

huh?

Is there a certain address where domestic abuse takes place?

What neighborhood does Chris Bro.....wait....scratch that.

What neighborhood does TIGER WOODS live in?

Now, before we get into it...we don't know what happened the night (early morning) Tiger Woods smashed his truck into a fire hydrant and a tree. ALLEGEDLY, he was involved in some type of domestic spat between him and his wife. Who the hell knows....

But it does make you wonder how the media would handle the situation if that IS indeed the case. I mean, they gave Chris Brown the bizness over beating up Rihanna...as they should have. There is excuse for his behavior, and you know I'm not gonna defend it.

But do you think the media will handle Tiger Woods and his wife the same way if we discover that she actually DID come after him with a 9 Iron that night and bust the windows out his ride?

Makes you wonder, right?

I mean...domestic abuse is wrong, no matter who does it. But will they vilify her, or will she be a woman scorned who simply lost it after finding out her man dipped out on her...allegedly?

Do we view domestic violence differently if it involves two men, as in the gay couple who lives below me?

Violence is violence, no matter who is doing the abusing - male, female, white, black, rich, poor, gay or straight. And it has no specific address - not an apartment building in Queens or a gated community in Florida. It exists everywhere and can touch EVERYONE.

It may be hard for some to define what love is, but I know what love isn't. Love doesn't raise a hand (or a golf club) to you. Love doesn't throw glass at your face. Love doesn't bite you or smash your face up against a car window.

Love shouldn't hurt...not like that.

-b