Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Hey blog fam!
Happy Birthday Yolanda!
I'm taking a poll - Question of the day:
If a man over the age of 35 and has never been married or doesn't have any children - is that too good to be true (a commodity) or a red flag (like what is wrong with this dude)?
A man I know said that if either of these is true, a woman should RUN because a) either he's emotionally unstable, or a commitment phobe, b) a serial womanizing bachelor or c) crazy and possibly irresponsible. His argument is that a man who has at least attempted marriage may be open to love and able to commit. And if he's had a child(ren), it may force him to "grow up" so to speak, where he'd become a responsible and patient individual. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but in general, do you think he's correct?
Not sure if this applies to a woman of the same stats....but if you wanna chime in about the opposite sex, please do.
Go!
-b
21 comments:
FIRST BITCHES!!
dammit!
I almost tend to agree with what dude said. Most men of that age who are single, and always HAVE been single, I think want to stay that way. If they have no kids, not sure if that means they're responsible, or that they simply don't want to be a parent.
The marriage and kids by a certain age to me suggests they don't want to get married and have kids. George Clooney doesn't come across as crazy to me, but simply someone who doesn't want to settle down and enjoys his freedom. But if a woman wants to get married one day and have kids, then this is definitely the dude to stay away from.
(TASING GEEQUE)(I HATE U)
Ok now that I got that out my system.. Happy Birthday Yolanda...
I'd think a red flag is a man over 35 that's never been married and would rather cuddle with your brother! LOL...
All jokes aside I don't think it means anything... Maybe he was busy getting his education & focusing on his career. Maybe he was in Iraq?? Maybe he just didn't like anyone he met before he turned 35.... I don't think it means anything good OR bad...
I do HOWEVER think that if a person IS NOT ready to grow up a kid isn't going to make them... A kid doesn't make u do anything.. They BREAK u..LOL
Hello all, I'm new to the blog, but have been reading your comments for days! Is it better to have a man with kids and has been married? I don't believe because he has neither, there is something wrong with him. Yes, maybe he was a little selfish and wanted to travel the world, get his education, become a bit more stable before putting himself out there. Dig a little, get more information about him, he could be a closet freak! Men are different, they don't have the clock women have, there is no rush.
I agree with Annamaria, it means nothing. Nowadays, with women being desperate and men having so many women to choose from who let us do what we want, then there's no reason to get married. I guess that falls under the "womanizing bachelor" thing so maybe a woman should run - but y'all don't.
I think men who are single and over 35 just haven't found Ms. Right. Maybe Ms. Right hasn't found them 'cause they are probably either crazy/not marriage material or just plain fug! Those match.com pics really help!
I dont think it means anything.
THe guy with the perfect resume can certainly be the A-hole...
But, this whole debate reminds of a quote "Nobody wants nobody, nobody wants"
Dude's in the club pushin 40. He stands out, and aint got no obligations to speak of...red flags go up? Gotta take it one dude at at time ladies.
DMoe
LMAO@Tiswana!
Yes, usually the men I meet at that age who have never been married or have kids are creepy anyway....nobody wants them.
welcome Juslikeu!
I feel like it's a commodity honestly. Men have no problem making babies, but marriage is something else. If you can find a man who wants to be married but just hasn't found that person, AND has no kids? JACKPOT!
But I agree, nowadays, men are in no rush to get married. Women, we want a healthy baby...so we want to know upfront where we stand so we can keep it moving the older we get. They don't have a clock, so they can play a lil longer.
I think your friend's opinion is wack. *I* was a guy in that age range with no kids, no issues, never been married, etc. I simply hadn't found the right woman, and wasn't willing to settle for anyone who I didn't FEEL was the right woman. I've dated consistently, and everything was fine.
Now I HAVE found someone worth it - and we're together and happy. If any woman wants to assume a guy has something wrong with him because he hasn't been married, hasn't had children, etc. - let me know how those lonely nights with Lifetime on the dial are working for you...
That's like assuming something must be wrong with a single woman who is 40. It's a dumb assumption to make, in my opinion - a person's age means something must be wrong? You're telling the world more about why YOU'RE single than the person in question if that's a major hang-up for you...
Ditto what Rameer said :)
While I think some of his points are valid, I wouldn't apply it as a blanket statement for all men - and all women either.
I've never been married, but I've been in serious, monogamous relationships - I just haven't met my wife yet. I don't have any kids because I want to be married first. Women aren't he only ones with traditional values you know.
The 40 year old in the club is not cool either - but in general, I think you have to take each man and woman on a case by case basis.
Ditto to Rameer. Thanks Brooke. There are so many women looking for perfection! But what is perfection? The reality is most people want something they can't have. A woman with a man that spends every waking moment with her- wants a man that goes out and spends time with his boys or whoever! Where a woman with a man that goes out all the time-longs for a man that will stay in and be up under her! Doesn't matter if hes 30, 40, or 50! Kids, or no kids. Everyone's situation, likes and dislikes vary. You can take his faults and have a man, or not- and be SINGLE!
Juslikeu! - you are so right!
Welcome to the blog family by the way :) You speak the truth girl!
I'm late, but I wonder how old this man is who said that to you Brooke.
Back in the day, this may have been true. Men got married back then by a certian age. But now? There is no need to. The breakdown of the (I'm assuming we're talking about) black family is a sad thing because children are not born into stability like they used to be - marriage just isn't that attractive anymore. And it's our fault. Women just don't want more for themselves sometimes. Maybe the red flag is with us, not them.
I think It just all depends. You have to take the time to get to know the person.. and look for certain possible red flags.. Its just too hard to tell now days. People dont keep it real no more. But everyone has a story and certain vibe they carry about them...
My fiancee is 36 and he's never been married and doesnt have any kids. I was wary at first, but he's the greatest guy I ever dated (mature, stable, committed etc.). And now we're getting married. I'm certainly glad I didn't pass him up because of age!
Congrats Alissa!
Thanks for the birthday wish. Sorry I missed this convo.
I don't think there's anything strange about a guy that age sans kids. My bestie's husband is 41 and he doesn't have kids. They're a great pair and have been together about 5-6 years.
Ideally (in a fairytale world), you would hope to meet someone, marry and then have a family. I know times have changed and people make decisions differently, but if I met this kind of guy, I'd snatch him up!
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