Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Happy Tuesday!
Someone recently asked me what my “type” is – the type of guy I usually fall for. While I don’t think I have a type per se, my sister always said I dated “nerdy” guys. I personally like to refer to them as “academic” – because “nerdy” seems to imply that they’re socially inept, or lack muscles and wear tight pants and thick glasses….not that there’s anything wrong with that :-)
I just always enjoyed a man who could hold a conversation, and this goes back to my teenage years when I first discovered that boys were good for more than just racing them down the street or climbing trees.
In high school, while I didn’t date much, the one boyfriend I DID have was probably considered a nerd by societal standards. He was in college, loved comic books, wore corny glasses, and the closest he got to being “edgy” was listening to Public Enemy. And I think my mother let me date him because he seemed “safe.” Most “nerds” appear to be that way…especially during their younger years.
But don’t let that sweetness, smarts, and self-deprecation fool you. They're freaks...or so I've heard ;-)
As I’ve gotten older, it seems “nerdy” guys are the preferred choice among women who overlooked them during our high school and college years. And guess what? These nerds know it. They’ve spent their 20’s and 30’s “regrouping” and growing into their intelligent sexiness and behold: they’re now some of the biggest players out there.
I actually once dated a guy that told me that he really liked me and all, but wanted to “keep me in his back pocket” until he was ready to settle down. Not because he was a commitment phobe, but because women never gave him the time of day back when he was a teenager. Now as an adult, he’s finally getting some play, and wants to milk it while he can since he never experienced it before. I told him to let me know how that works out for him and I’ll be over here…somewhere OTHER than his back pocket. The nerve! :-)
Now, the nerd dude is constantly looking for the next best thing – trading up to see how far he can get to make up for lost time. They suck women in with the “I was so intimidated by you back then” or “I was so self conscious and insecure, I could never get a woman like you” line and next thing you know, we’re smitten. Then once we buy into the idea that he’s “grateful” to be with us, BAM! He’s gone, off to the next one. It's the classic nerd boy okie doke :-)
Not that this has happened to me :-)
I’ve always appreciated the “academics” – they just never knew it. But they know it now. They thought I would’ve never dated them in high school or college because they bought into the idea that women only wanted athletes/jocks or frat boys. But men would be surprised to know that most women like the unassuming, shy guy in the corner with a perfect 4.0 GPA. You didn’t have to know how to dribble a ball, score a touchdown or belong to some group in order to get our attention. We appreciate you, just the way you are. I’ll admit most women are superficial and shallow….but not all of us. I enjoyed being one of the few women who didn't jump on the new Seth Rogan bandwagon....I always liked those "types."
Fast forward 20 years, and the nerdy guy now has CEO swag, wearing sharp suits and cardigans and funky sneakers on the weekends at the local Apple store. He’s now a “post-nerd”…an intelligent man secure in himself - in all of his adulthood splendor. That high school invisibility is now man in full view, and I have to share him with the women who were blind to him before. I took pride in being the girl who refused to date athletes, who could see the person beneath the Converse and past his horn rimmed glasses. It used to be only I could detect the sexy within…now, all my 30 something counterparts are clamoring for my “type” - and he’s loving every bit of it.
-b
42 comments:
FIRST BITCHES!
getting Annamaria's taser warmed up....
I like nerds now too, but I must admit I didn't used to. And you're right Brooke, they KNOW they got it going on now! LOL!
I appreciate a good "academic" as well, Brooke. I'm finding that as I get older, develop more standards and really mature into my own space that I really need a guy who is a blend of so many things: the nerdy, the athletic, the tough, the soft and emotional at times, etc (if he has a good cable hookup, that's a plus :-)). And so often, there's just too much of one and not enough of a blend, which sucks.
I love this...because it's so true. As a former nerd, it's funny to see women swooning over my "type" now, wondering where we've been all this time not realizing we've always been here. They're just now noticing us.
@Mr. Nice Guy,
While you may think we're just now noticing you, I think you have to be careful in saying you've "always been there." Most guys who see themselves as nerds are not very confident in themselves, so they don't MAKE themselves noticeable. It's not until you've outgrown that awkwardness that you're able to be seen. Insecurity is not sexy, so while women can take some of the blame for being shallow to a degree, "nerdy" guys have to realize that they play a part in that if they're insecure in themselves. Women go through that too. We come out of our shell and become butterflies later in life.
Wow! Thank you dedicating your blog to me! :)
I will say that I am so feeling this post. I could barely talk to women in High School. College was a mess. I think I really came into my own in my 30's
I hate being called Urkel because I wore glass (that were not even the same). I also found it annoying that women made fun of me for playing video games and reading comic books.
I will say that nerds usually spend their time thinking about what it would be like to actually have a woman...and they end up being really romantic...
Hey everyone!! I like acedemic dudes.. its so sexy to me... Theres nothing wrong with it at all in my opinion..
(secret confession...I think Ant's pic and glasses are sexy)
@Ms. Penn,
You make a good point. Are men nerds because we women dont' talk to them, or are they nerds because they can't talk to US? Sometimes I think nerds create themselves.
As a female nerd, I know that was the case with me. I used to think men wouldn't give me the time of day because I was a nerd, but really, I didn't open myself up to it because I was projecting my view of myself onto them. It wasn't until I became more sure of myself that I got noticed. I was my own worst enemy.
@Ms. Penn,
Good point. And you're right, it wasn't until I grew up and matured that women started noticing me. Touche.
But you have to admit, most women like the "alpha male" - the tall, ahtletic dude with muscles and no brains to speak of. It's not until they realize what they want out of life and develop standards like Yolanda said that they look at men like me.
I was never a "nerd" so to speak, so I can't comment other than to say get it Ant! Stef wants you!
@Courtney,
Women nerds are different than men nerds :)
I love this post. As a woman who was only attracted to "bad boys", the nerd guys are more attractive the older you get. Jail time and baby mamas is NOT a good look after a while :-)
@Brooke,
You never dated athletes? EVER? As much as you love sports??? And you went to Syracuse Univ. where there is nothing BUT athletes? C'mon son.
@Cable Guy,
I can honestly say I never dated any athletes in college. Don't get me wrong, I hung out with them. I told them when they're game needed work and would give them props when they played a good game. But never dated them. I had girlfriends who ONLY wanted to date athletes or frat boys, and now those same guys don't look so hot with a knee injury working at the mall. Not that there's anything wrong with working at the mall, but it ain't the NBA either.
And this isn't to generalize and say that athletic men aren't smart, or that nerdy guys can't play sports. This is all based on stereotypes, etc. that don't always hold true.
they're = their...I hate typos :)
Brooke looks like she's only date athletes, LOL!
So you knew Ant back in college right, did you ever speak to him back then since you liked nerds (he called himself that, not me)?
President Obama made it cool to like nerds :)
@Cable Guy,
I spoke to Ant, he'll tell you!
not sure how to take the "looks like she'd only date athlete" comment :)
Pres. Obama is the ultimate "post nerd" hottie :)
@Brooke,
Just jokes. You look like the type an athlete would want though - a trophy type. But then again, any man would want to date you - nerds, jocks, frat guys. you name it.
People have pretty much touched on a lot of things I would have. So in order to offer my opinion and not "write a blog" like Ant ribs on me about, I'll say this much (and this goes out to the SU heads on the blog) - in college, I was the perfect cross of being a nerdy Bad Boy. If you got to know me, you'd know Ant and I had all the same interests and likes in common that he mentioned. But my aura, due to who I knew, the different people I hung out with, etc. - Bad Boy. And women LIKED the so-called "Bad Boy". But because I was ACTUALLY a nerd at heart, I was cool with and friends with them (well, I got along with everyone, to be honest). And I saw women passing up these good guys all the time - and it had nothing to do with them not being confident a lot of the time. It had to do with them not being supposedly "cool" enough, or not in the "In" crowd. And it was bullcrap.
Ant (sorry to keep using you as an example, bruh) was cool as all hell back then. He's cool as all hell now. To me, a guy like him would've made a good guy for a woman then and now. So a lot on that falls on the misguided interests of some women. True story.
thanks man :)
I will say that my sarcasm was developed over the years as well as my view on women. I had such narrow view on women that was changed and changed again after getting played.
The best part was listening to women talk about how there are no good man on campus. In my head, I would be like..."word, bitch?" As, I got older and gave less of a fuck then I became interesting to some of those same women...
Steph! :) Thank you.
Cable Guy - I knew Brooke. I had a crush on her. It was my lack of confidence that made it very hard to talk to her. She never dated athletes...so that is indeed true.
Rameer and I knew the same people but I was not the bad boy as he was...haha
Lolz - I was a PERCEIVED Bad Boy. It was all image - all the trouble I caused began and stopped with freshman year...
Please negro! you were a G! You made it rain one every floor you went to...haha
lol
ha! I literally type "sarcasm font" in <> and it didn't show up...lol
I've found that alot of guys who felt like Ant did, who felt they were overlooked back then but came into their own, began to lose their "nerdy" charm and then turn into jerks later in life. Not saying Ant is one of them, but when men start to get some play, they think being an asshole is cool, in order to "punish" those women who didnt' look at them before. I think that's kinda messed up.
And I don't think men and women nerds are that different. Men turn away "good girls" with glasses too in order to get with the Barbie dolls. Then we get contacts, clear up our skin and get a fresh perm and now we're cute after all the model chicks diss them. Goes both ways.
Women know when guys are awkward around them...Brooke, did you know Ant had a crush on you?
Courtney...did you just call me a jerk??? :)
You are right though, some guys want to punish women. But, that is not the best way to go about it. The best revenge for anything is success.
CG - Brooke did not know at the time. I did tell her a few years ago though...lol
Courtney - I respectfully disagree.
Out of the hundreds of people I know - overwhelmingly, the women looked over and/or ignored good options way more so than the guys. In fact - in the example of the school Ant, Brooke and I went to - I was cool with tons of guys and girls. And as full grown adults, I still, to this day, reminisce with the women about the jerks they went out with instead of giving some of the guys we knew were decent a shot.
This isn't to say men never pass up good options. But a mature guy is more likely, in my opinion, to get with a woman, realize she's a good thing, and stay with her. He's also more likely to go out with the good woman who is recommended to him by friends, regardless of how popular she is or isn't. Young women want "swag", alpha males, height, etc. And BEING a nerd who was never really considered one in college, I saw women passing up the good guys way more often than vice-versa. In fact - every "good" girl I know had guys who would've liked to have gotten with them. I can't say the same for the good guys and/or nerds back then.
Cable Guy,
No, I didn't know then, but I never felt like Ant was awkward around me either. I didn't think I was intimidating or unapproachable back then, or now for that matter - but I guess you never know how you're perceived sometimes.
And Courtney is right - men treat female nerds the same way women treat male nerds...it's all the same. I was nerd too, but I played sports, had a variety of interests and friends and was secure in myself...so I may not have been perceived as one. It's all in what a person's definition of a "nerd" is, vs. what society says one is. It can have a pejorative connotation, or it can be seen as a cool thing.
@Rameer,
I think the operative word you used here is "mature." In college, alot of us weren't mature enough to realize what we wanted, what we should value, etc. I know women who were turned away from men just as much as men who were turned away from women. I think it depends on who you were going after.
I knew "popular guys" who said I was cute, but wouldn't get with me cuz I seemed "too focused" in school. Imagine that.
I guess is all depends on which vantage point you're looking from. If you consider yourself the nerdy girl, you're perspective might be different...just like most nerdy men might think all women view them and their friends a certain way - it's all relative I guess.
I hear you, Brooke-Ra. You make a great point. But, 'm just being honest - yes, the "nerdy" women in college didn't have a lot of men beating down their doors like others - but they STILL had guys interested in them and who would have gone out with them. I'm going to drop a name - something I never do, but eff it - her name was Adrianne. She was a very sweet, pretty girl - but definitely a "nerd". Didn't have a lot of guys coming at her, and she wasn't on campus radar in terms of popularity.
I met her because we had a science lab together. The class had to partner up, and we were some of the only people of color in this particular class. If you know ANYTHING about me, I'm going to link up with a woman I don't know way before a dude I don't know - that's just me. So I approached her to work together, and she agreed.
As we worked together over the next few weeks, I was like "damn - this girl is unbelievably, innocently pretty without even knowing it". I told my boys my lab partner was pretty - my boy Rich came with me one day to see for himself. He was like "YO! She's pretty and she's in her books and stays to herself? Hook. Me. Up!!!" I eventually got her to agree to actually go to social events and open herself up to people - and though she never was "in demand" like the popular girls, there were plenty of guys who thought she was the butters. In fact - Rich and I made it our business to keep her away from the dogs and players. She was like our responsibility, to make sure she didn't get corrupted.
I'm just saying. I can think of about 30 lady nerds that guys thought of as attractive and would have or even did pursue. The guy nerds? They were a$$ed out unless they took the "can't beat 'em, join 'em" attitude in terms of acting and carrying themselves like other dudes.
out of curiosity, did the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" approach work? That's a real question, not trying to be facetious...
I hate to admit this - but the few guys I know who did it??
Yes. And you know what? Those guys turned into COMPLETE arseholes as was referred to on this blog earlier. Because they lost A LOT of respect for women once they saw that if they acted like jerks, women would want them.
I've mentioned this a while ago on here before - but one guy sticks out in my brain. He was a nerdy good guy all freshman year, and got told by ALL THE GIRLS "oh you're such a good guy, you'll make such a wonderful boyfriend" - but got turned down at every turn. He couldn't even get a girl to ride the bus to the mall with him if it wasn't a group thing. Sophomore year, he literally told a lot of us guys he was gonna "act like the rest of y'all". Girls began throwing themselves at him. He was always considered "cute", but all of a sudden, he was wanted. And he turned into the biggest douchebag when it came to girls - but he almost had to beat them back from throwing he panties at them once he made the "change". Smh.
See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. And THAT guy didn't want ME, he wanted the coveted model type chicks other dudes coudl get. So he became an asshole to get THOSE chicks, while chicks like me would hvae dated him, but didn't fit the coveted bill so to speak. They were willing to compromise themselves in order to get THAT girl.
I know it's all perspective, so I'm just telling it from mine. I know plenty of guys that were once good ones who turned into jerks just so they can say the got a model chick, and then she later played him and they got worse. It's sad, but women like that who LIKE being with bad boys and men who treat them like crap make it hard out here for women out here like Brooke and myself who appreciate a genuinely good guy.
Guess it just turns into a viscious cycle. That's sad.
Actually, Courtney - and I'm not saying this simply to refute you - the first girl he got with was a nerdy chick who didn't give him the time of day the year before. She always thought he was cute, but had turned him down. When he got with her, I remember some dudes telling him that she was a good match for him. He actually made that his "girl" for like 2-3 months (meanwhile, he was hitting on and seeing what was up with other girls; I don't think he literally cheated at that point in terms of sex, but he was acting foul).
Then, he DID cheat on her. Which dudes actually told him was foul as hell - this girl was really cool, and good woman. But he was feeling all these women sudden feeling HIM, and he grouped her in with all the other women as a "back then they didn't want e, now I'm hot they all on me" type girl. He put ALL girls in that category. He turned into the biggest d**khead, especially with us knowing how he came to school. But he stayed that way the rest of college (well, to be hones,t I don't think he graduated from SU - don't remember seeing him senior year).
So he DID go with a nerd before going after "model chicks" - in fact, he went after any cute woman that was feeling hm, not just "model chicks".
I find it funny that some dudes have a short memory. They forget that they were "nerds" and then when a good girl has them, but another woman shows them interest, they act a fool. Seems like a no win situation sometimes - can't trust the "nerdy" guy OR the "popular" guy. Mature, nice guys who aren't feeling themselves to the point where they try to dog you are are hard to find nowadays.
Courtney - I'm telling you. This dude turned into the biggest piece of caca. Like - a more dramatic transformation didn't even occur with Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde.
I stopped associating with him after 1st semester sophomore year.
"They forget that they were 'nerds' and then when a good girl has them, but another woman shows them interest, they act a fool."
- Yup, that was DEFINITELY TRUE in this case. Smh...
Well, hopefully there are some good guys left for me to choose from. NYC doesn't seem to have them anymore...I might need to move.
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