Friday, April 29, 2011
TGIF!!!
I was asked to do Random Thoughts Friday since Blogger was trippin' yesterday. Let's see if it's fixed today.
- I think weddings are lovely, and I wish everyone happiness - but am I the only one who could give 2 sh*ts about the Royal Wedding? Tax payers paid for that? Is that cool or is that how it's supposed to be? I guess I just don't see the point of royalty, a monarch and how they can be celebrities...but then again, maybe it's just a British thing.
- What I DO find ridiculous is that the Royal Wedding still got more coverage than the tornadoes that ripped through the South and devastated so many people's lives....especially in Alabama. My heart goes out to those who were affected or who had love ones that were hurt or killed. We're in a state of emergency down there, but all I keep hearing about his how nice Kate's dress was.
- Do I sound bitter this morning? :-) #justdon'tunderstandit
- Beautiful day today, but my allergies are acting up! I didn't develop allergies until I turned 30, and since then, I can go a year or two without them, and then they pop up again. Today, they're popping up again....really badly. And they only affect the right side of my face...so I have ONE eye watering and ONE nostril itching. I look crazy right now.
- If you missed this yesterday, here it is again!
Our very own, very pregnant Serena Wills has a story published in the book "Keeping the Faith" edited by Vanessa Miller, an Essence Magazine Best Seller. "Listening Ear" is about her journey with her mother while she battled Ovarian Cancer. She's offering a special deal for Mother's Day! All orders placed before or on May 5th will receive an 8x10 Laminated Poem titled, "Abundant Love." Abundant Love is written for all mothers. This is a $10 value and she's offering it free with the purchase of a book. Go to http://divinewryte.blogspot.com/ to purchase the book today! I did, and it's awesome!
Here is a snippet of the poem below:
Abundant Love
Her touch and embrace
As she wiped the tears from my face
Holding me tightly whispering, “It’s going to be okay”
Cleaning the dirt away from my scars
I remember those days
When Mama would make everything feel like brand new
Between cuts, scrapes, bruises on my skin from falling on my knees yet again
Mom has a tender touch as she told me to hold on tight
The sudden burn disappeared as Bactine was sprayed on my wound
In between sobs saying, thank you Mommy
Always wiping away the pain whether it was a scrape on my elbow
Or another love that didn’t go
In the direction that I thought it would be
Times when I couldn’t understand what was happening to me
Laughing now cause I was going through mere puberty
Causing her drama
But all mama could say was
Everything is going to be okay
Mothers have a way with words like no other
To this day I’m amazed of your strength and often wonder
How did we make it through...
If you live in the DMV (DC/MD/VA area), she can also drop a copy or two or how many you want to you directly. They are $10.00 each.
Remember this offer is only good until May 5th, 2011. Buy your copy and get a free 8x10 Laminated Poem today! I did and it's awesome! Thank you in advance for your support!!!!!
Again visit her at http://divinewryte.blogspot.com/
- These two women were chatting near me on the train this morning and I almost passed out. One word for both of them: Listerine.
- I could go for a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich right about now.
- What are everyone's plans this weekend? Anything fun?
Go!
-b
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- Summer is just around the corner, I can feel it!
- Donald Trump is a jackass.
- I'm sorta mad that the White House released Pres. Obama's birth certificate - but let them keep digging. Now they want to see his Harvard transcripts. The more these idiots dig, the more they reveal what a brilliant man our President is. Not cool to have to show your "papers" in 2011.
- Check out Ox's take on the "Birther of a Nation."
- Now I have some RED HOT pumps to match my red hot lips, thanks to my bestie Val! She bought these amazing shoes that were just a tad too tight for her feet - but PERFECT for mine. So I bought them from her...and rocked them two days in a row. I got several compliments - owww!
- Speaking of shoes - what's with all this tagging of photos that appear to be shoe ads in my Facebook feed? Does anyone know what I'm talking about? They're always either some hood, glittery high heeled sneakers or Louboutins. What is that about?
- Cee Lo creeps me out a lil bit.
- "You're not my daddy!"
- What y'all know about "milkshakes of love?" LOL!
- How many women would be open to a coed passion party? Thinking of hosting one that would coincide with the NBA Finals...any real women out there who are TRUE basketball fans who are not afraid to show their inner freak to a bunch of dudes? :-)
- This morning's discussion on the radio centered around marriage, the question being: Is traditional marriage an archaic institution? Is marriage necessary? Do we marry for love anymore, or do we do it because of children, out of boredom, necessity, legal reasons....why do we get married?
- They also said the happiest marriages occur between people who cheat....and don't get caught. What say you?
- I'd write a blog about it, but I've never been married so not sure I qualify to speak on it :-)
- Our very own, very pregnant Serena Wills has a story published in the book "Keeping the Faith" edited by Vanessa Miller, an Essence Magazine Best Seller. "Listening Ear" is about her journey with her mother while she battled Ovarian Cancer. She's offering a special deal for Mother's Day! All orders placed before or on May 5th will receive an 8x10 Laminated Poem titled, "Abundant Love." Abundant Love is written for all mothers. This is a $10 value and she's offering it free with the purchase of a book. Go to http://divinewryte.blogspot.com/ to purchase the book today! I did, and it's awesome! Here is a snippet of the poem below:
Abundant Love
Her touch and embrace
As she wiped the tears from my face
Holding me tightly whispering, “It’s going to be okay”
Cleaning the dirt away from my scars
I remember those days
When Mama would make everything feel like brand new
Between cuts, scrapes, bruises on my skin from falling on my knees yet again
Mom has a tender touch as she told me to hold on tight
The sudden burn disappeared as Bactine was sprayed on my wound
In between sobs saying, thank you Mommy
Always wiping away the pain whether it was a scrape on my elbow
Or another love that didn’t go
In the direction that I thought it would be
Times when I couldn’t understand what was happening to me
Laughing now cause I was going through mere puberty
Causing her drama
But all mama could say was
Everything is going to be okay
Mothers have a way with words like no other
To this day I’m amazed of your strength and often wonder
How did we make it through...
If you live in the DMV (DC/MD/VA area) she can also drop a copy or two or how many you want to you directly. They are $10.00 each.
Remember this offer is only good until May 5th, 2011. Buy your copy and get a free 8x10 Laminated Poem today! Thank you in advance for your support!!!!! Visit her at http://divinewryte.blogspot.com/
- Jill Scott looks amazing on her new album cover!
- OutKast!
- Go
Happy Hump Day!
As Monica and I soaked up the warm, Spring sun yesterday at lunch, we were approached by a old Indian man walking with a cane. He handed me his business card and said he wanted to talk to me because he "could feel my energy." I read the card – “Reading by Yanni.” He was a spiritual healer and advisor who got some type of vibe from me. He proceeded to tell me that I was a generally “lucky” person overall, but that I had negative people around me – jealous people – three of them: 2 men and 1 woman. He also said that a man in my life was giving me problems and needed to be straightened out.
Interesting.
He asked me to call him as he walked away so he could give me a proper reading. Monica and I looked at each other like, “where did HE come from?” We joked, but gave each other wide eyed looks while asking “Who could be jealous of me?”
We took his comments with a grain of salt and continued our conversation. I didn’t spend the rest of the day wondering about jealousy or any negative people around me. Yanni was trying to get my money while proclaiming that he knows me, my life and the people in it. I’m not saying there aren’t intuitive or psychic people out there…but I’m jus sayin.’
I told my mother about our lunch time run-in with the spiritual advisor and she seemed genuinely concerned. “Jealousy is a bad thing, that’s not good at all. Who do you think it is?” I just told her to relax, because all the jealousy and negativity in the world can't steal my joy or blessings.
But while I will concede that “over-the top, psycho, slash tires, brick through windows, stay the hell away from Jazmine Sullivan” jealousy is not cool – can a little bit of jealousy ever be a good thing?
It’s a genuine emotion. It may be considered a negative emotion, but so is anger – and we have the right to feel anger just as we have the right to feel joy, or sadness or disappointment. All of us have felt a pang of jealousy in our lives at some point. It’s human nature, a natural occurrence that can come and go as fast as a summer breeze. Just like anything else, it’s how you deal with these emotions that determines your character.
Most times, jealousy is tied directly to self-esteem…or lack thereof. But there is silly jealousy, and then there is insecure, irrational jealousy. There are varying degrees of it, some of it innocent and insignificant, some of it dangerous. It can be comical or complex - with thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of a relationship. Sometimes these threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential attraction between one’s partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival. Jealousy has many forms…but is it always negative?
Sometimes jealousy can cause you to take stock of yourself in a positive way. If you’re jealous of the hot new assistant working at your man’s office, it may make you realize that perhaps you could be taking better care of yourself and how you present yourself. I know a woman who started dressing sexier and getting her hair done more often because her man commented on how well put together his new supervisor was. I know a guy who started going to the gym more and working out a little harder once he met his girlfriend’s new trainer – who was nothing short of Zeus. The thought of someone possibly stealing their mate away – whether the threat was real or perceived – actually helped them to step their game up. And their partners, who probably didn’t even realize this jealousy even existed, were the beneficiaries.
Now if their partners TRIED to make them jealous, that’s a different story. Sometimes we mention the guy at the gym who always wants to spot us, or the girl at Starbucks who always flirts with us first thing in the morning as we order our coffee – trying to get a rise out of our partner to see if they care. It’s our way of testing our partner’s desire for us, so we see if we can make them jealous. If we succeed, we feel good about ourselves and our relationship – because we think that means it’s not in danger. But if we don’t succeed in making our partners jealous, then we wonder if they still want us, or find us worthy of being jealous over. Trying to bring about jealous feelings in another person only displays our own insecurities.
However, jealousy doesn’t always have to be romantic. Most commonly, people are jealous of their partners, but this is not always the case. Friends can be jealous of their best friend’s new partner, new partners can be jealous of their partner’s best friend. Friends can be jealous of their best friend’s new job, new car, or new house. People can become jealous because their partners or friends have a great passion for some activity or hobby which excludes them, like rock-climbing, wine tasting or writing. But a little taste of the green eyed monster doesn’t always mean you don’t wish them well, or want them to get hit by an ice cream truck. It may simply make you take stock of what you want for yourself…and help you go out and get it.
But if you openly hate on them and secretly plot on their demise, then you have serious issues.
I don’t want to wax hysterical about what jealousy is, what it isn’t, what can cause it and what might cure it. I don’t really know, to be honest…and every circumstance is different. But what I would like ask people is if they agree that a little bit of decently-expressed jealousy or envy is ever okay in small doses? Would any of you ever get upset if your partner never got even a little bit jealous sometimes? Tell the truth…let’s go!
-b
Monday, April 25, 2011
So yesterday, I was told to “Hurry up and have a baby.”
Yeah…let me get RIGHT on that.
But the woman who told me to hurry up took it one step further and added, “and you should have a baby with a white guy.” When I asked why, she said, “because then your baby would be beautiful…with good hair.”
blank stare....
So is Tiny stunning? She has light skin and “good hair” (a term I hate with all my being!)
It never ceases to amaze me that this type of ignorance - being color struck - still exists in 2011. Hundreds of years ago, slave masters pitting slaves against each other by dividing them by complexion in order to minimize a rebellion is one thing – but today? Now? Really?
Several centuries later, here we are…still simple enough to believe the hype. This topic will never die because people refuse to stop being ignorant. I do not have light skin, and my hair has tight curls. Does that make me the dog face girl? Are my children doomed to be “ugly” if they aren’t bi-racial or if I don't find some "light skinned dude with 'good hair'" to procreate with?
Stop the madness.
At age 38, my only concern is if I’ll even be ABLE to give birth to a healthy child naturally. I’d rather my child have big ears, big lips, dark skin and textured hair if that means he or she won’t be born with Downs Syndrome or autism. I’ve never met a parent who thought their child was ugly…or even funny looking. All parents think their child is beautiful, and I’m sure no matter what my child looks like, I’ll be no exception. As long as he or she has is born healthy with the required amount of fingers and toes, I'd feel nothing less than blessed.
Skin color and hair texture don’t make you any more or less beautiful than anyone else. It doesn’t make you smarter, or a better athlete or a good person. It’s superficial, divisive and outright ridiculous to think that skin color and/or hair texture determines anything of substance when it comes to who we are as people. Beauty comes from within, and if you can’t free yourself from toxic thinking, then you are…in the year 2011….still a slave.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Whenever I dream of fish, someone is pregnant. I’ve never been wrong - which is why I was surprised when no one copped to it a few months ago when I put it out there on Facebook, email and the blog that I had one of my infamous dreams. It was vivid and in living color. There was no way I was wrong about this one. When it comes to babies and fish dreams, I have a listening ear – God speaks babies to me in his own language.I always wondered if He’d speak that dream to me when or if I became pregnant. I joked that I’d be the one walking around pregnant and not know it. No dream. No premonitions. Nothing. I’d be shocked – kind of like the joy but momentary surprise of an unexpected visitor. You meet him or her at the door laughing, inviting in an honorable guest wondering where they came from.
Imagine my surprise on my birthday when I got the news. What a wonderful way to start the day. I stared at the sonogram photo like “What is this? Who is this?” A smile crept across my face. I had all these questions. How? When? Is this for real? Is this a joke?
No, it was real. In the flood of emotions, the impulse of my heart and spirit knew this was a great thing. A blessed thing. A gift.
The cycle of life is a thing to behold, sometimes hard to understand. We don’t deal well with death, but birth is something else. They’re both inseparably linked – as right is to left, day is to night, exits are to entrances, as breathing in is to breathing out. It signals a cycle completed. Being able to embrace death is an essential part of embracing life itself. It ensures that the stream of life is not dammed up, but is allowed to flow.
Where there is life, there’s change. God is change. In Him, we know we endure. Sometimes we resist change because we see it as the enemy. We long to return to the changeless bliss we thought we knew, which makes it hard to imagine a change to our material selves, our emotional selves and our physical selves. We make judgments about our boundless gifts and either accept or reject them according to how broad or narrow our vision is. What will people think? How will they receive the news? Can I do this?
Of course we can. And we will, with love and with faith. Nothing is impossible when God manifests in infinite variety and gives us His blessings.
One of our very own knows blessings all too well as we’ve seen over the past couple years. She lost her mother a little over a year ago, and we cried for her, but rejoiced in the life that is now
soaring in the heavens – with increasing speed, galaxies, suns and worlds all rushed toward the center of the universe to collide and bring forth new life. The Big Bang of Creation is now a baby boy…a man child waiting to be born. This cycle of life – birth, death and now rebirth - repeats itself eternally. And as above, so below, on earth as it is in heaven, in the image and likeness of God, and Sauti herself – her daughter will welcome a new life to our blog family.Join me in congratulating Serena Wills, the energy through which God moves death to life, as she is expecting her first child this August. Send her your love!
-b
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- I'm hungry. I made chicken breasts and spinach for lunch, but I might save it for dinner and eat Subway instead. I really wanna eat these cheese crackers though...or these jelly beans that Crystal has on her desk. Can you tell I'm hungry?
- This woman on the train flashed her dentures at me. She loosened them out of her mouth and showed them to me, then put them back in her mouth. I've been freaked out ever since. She looked like the Wicked Witch of the West!
- The Gap is having a crazy sale! - I did some damage in there yesterday and was online this morning. Someone please stop me!
- I can't wait to buy a new phone. Mine sucks. If you've tried texting me on my personal cell in the past month, I didn't get it. Hit me on my blackberry. If you need the number, inbox me.
- Annamaria and I have a movie date! And she's cooking dinner for me next weekend!
- Serena sent me a card - she's the sweetest!
- Someone gave me jalapeno peach barbeque sauce today - I can't wait to try it. Should I try it on chicken or shrimp? Or both!?
- I've been doing a sudoku puzzle every night before bed. It relaxes me for some reason.
- Where is Yolanda?
- I know this is bad, but I can't wait to drink soda again after Easter.
- Fish Fry tomorrow! Woo-hoo!
- Red lipstick is my new favorite thing! I got hit on by two white guys, three lesbians and got so many compliments at work yesterday after rocking red lips. Who knew??!!
- People still say, "I wanna send a shout out to..."??
- A friend of mine represents two men who are well renowned Haitian artists - The Domond Brothers. Their awe inspiring works of art are being showcased at the MoCADA - 80 Hanson Place, in downtown Brooklyn. If you're around the NYC area this weekend, please check it out. This particular exhibit is until May 1st. …and it's FREE!!! Affected by the 2010 earthquake, their art inspires hope and triumph. A must see!
- The throwback this week!
Go!
-b
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Happy Hump Day!
I have fire red lips today – just thought I’d share that :-)
Anyway, this morning’s topic on the radio was women who are more successful than their man, and how that can doom a relationship. They mentioned that Nick Minaj has allegedly broken it off with her long time boyfriend and fiancé (who knew she was engaged?), and they think the reason is because she’s gotten too successful and he can't deal.
They went on to mention several other couplings that have ended in divorce because the woman was simply “too big” for her man. Jennifer Lopez and her first 2 husbands…whoever they were. Christina Aguilerra and Jordan Bratman. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown – although he WAS the King of R&B according to her. The list goes on.
So that begs the question of the day: Can a woman be WAY more successful and make more money than her man and they still live happily ever after?
Mary J and Kendu manage. So do Jessica Alba and Cash Warren. Personally, I thought J-Lo and Diddy made a interesting couple – until a shoot out in a club sent her running. I think she’s found her match in Marc Anthony, who is perfectly happy gazing at her with adoring eyes and pretending she can sing….with his scrawny little self :-) And the ultimate: Oprah and Stedman. There is no bigger shadow to be in than Oprah’s…but Stedman holds his own.
Most think a woman has to be equally yoked with her man in order for them to stay together – like Jigga and Beyonce. They say it doesn't necessarily matter if a successful, rich man marries a nanny - a la El Tigre Woods - but if the woman is making paper - he has to be ballin' too in order for her to not feel like his (sugar) mama.
So what say you? Most of us may not be FAMOUS, and success is measured by different standards…so let’s make it easy – money. How many women out there would be okay making WAY more money than her man? Does that mean you call the shots, or is he still the head of the household – if there is such a thing?
Men: would you be comfortable dating/marrying a woman who made significantly more money than you do? Do you think you could ever be a “house husband” or a kept man? Or does your manhood dictate that you make more money, or at least have your own gig?
Let’s hear it!
Go!
-b
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Happy Tuesday!
You all know how I do…I listen to Power 105 every morning as I get dressed. This morning’s topic? Kanye, Wiz Khalifah and Amber Rose.
Yawn….
Apparently, during the song “Stronger,” Kanye modified the lyrics in his song by saying, “I did anything for that blond dike, and she did anything when the times right” – allegedly making reference to Amber Rose. There are reports that Wiz Khalifah “confronted” Kanye when he left the stage for taking a dig at his girlfriend.
Whatever.
The deejays argued over if it was right for Kanye to diss Amber, or if Wiz was wrong to step to him, or if Amber was even worthy of all this chaos. One deejay kept referring to her as a whore who Kanye “made” and that Wiz knew what he was getting into when he booed her up. Another said Kanye was wrong and that he should move on.
It’s all quite silly actually, but it did make me wonder why people bad mouth their exes after the relationship is over.
Kanye calling Amber all kinds of names is immature…and a bit bitchass if you ask me. He was with her. He claimed her. Now that the relationship is over, he should move on. I’m all for free speech, and I think he’s talented – but there’s something about a man who trashes his ex that just screams wuss to me.
Frankly, I don’t like when anyone does it – man or woman. There’s a difference between venting and bad mouthing.
Break ups are painful - no matter why they occurred. When people have been hurt, it’s no surprise they may want to lash out. You want to purge yourself of the disgust, disgrace and anger you feel about even being involved with that person in the first place. You need to let the world know you’ve been wronged and you’ll tell anyone and everyone who will listen. Thus….”I did anything for that blond dike.”
Even if you haven’t been wronged per se, sometimes immaturity takes over and you just can’t let go. There may be one-sided bitterness, jealousy, a passion that still burns for that person that consumes you to the point that you change lyrics to rap songs.
That’s where your therapist needs to step in, because now you look crazy. There is constructive venting - and then there is character bashing. And even if your ex is without much character and everything you say about him or her is true, the question is: Do you want to sink to that level? And will getting down and dirty free you from the rage you feel? Probably not.
1. Bad-mouthing your ex is a waste of your time and energy. Power you could be using to do something more positive and productive in your own life.
2. Bad-mouthing is beneath you, and when taken too far can make you appear to be a bit "pathetic" or a "victim." Not sexy.
3. Bad-mouthing is toxic. You will be in a negative frame of mind, polluting your own body with thoughts of someone you should be putting behind you.
4. Bad-mouthing is rarely used as a real warning to other people. More often than not - it's usually a way to assassinate the ex's character to people who don’t know him/her . OR it can be that you’re trying to sway other’s opinion, but it doesn’t work…so now you just look nuts.
5. Bad-mouthing and venting are not synonymous. If you have the desire to talk about how you've been treated in your relationship - talk to one trusted person or professional who will not spread what you've said into your inner circle of friends, family, and associates…or a packed crowd at Coachella.
In a perfect world, exes can succeed at being friends and letting bygones be bygones. But we don’t live in a perfect world – we live in one where bitterness, jealousy, hating and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought. Let it go. It’s better to leave things with pleasant memories rather than drag a dead relationship through the mud. Keeping a foot in the past makes it that much harder to enjoy your future. As Martin Lawrence said, “if that sh*t is supposed to be over, then let it be over”…so keep it moving…and keep your mouth shut.
-b
Friday, April 15, 2011
Dear Brookey,
I am coming out of a four and a half year relationship that ended in December 2010. Emotionally draining is an understatement, however, I made a conscious decision not to put up this concrete wall around my heart just because things didn't work out. In comes the new year, which brought about a great business opportunity with one of my male friends. We hadn't seen each other in a while and low and behold, in catching up on things, we were both coming out of long term relationships. We have spent a considerable amount of time together since the beginning of January, and truth be told, we have been seeing each other exclusively since then. I am taking it day by day, but I really can't fathom that I would feel strongly about someone so soon. I know that business and pleasure shouldn't mix, but, if it's working, there's always an exception to this rule, right? Speaking of rules, I feel like we are formulating our own set of rules that work for our situation. We have great communication and we are meeting goals business wise.
My issue is, I am scared to death. Everything is happening so quickly and I do think about if this is too much too soon. Can you give me an objective viewpoint? Perhaps there are some things I haven't thought about that you can assist with putting all of this into perspective.
Thanks Brookey!!!
This is a good one. I’ll have to address a couple things here. Let’s deal with the working relationship first.
I normally advise against mixing business with pleasure. Since I’m not a fan of sexual harassment lawsuits, office nooky is not my thing.
That being said, since I know you personally and know your situation isn’t an office fling - and neither of you actually works “for” the other one - there’s a little bit of leeway here. Being business partners and lovers can have its rewards. Most of us spend the majority of our time with people we work with, so common interests are usually shared and that can draw people together. Since you both share a passion in the same industry (music), sparks can fly and passion can boil over at home – which is always fun. The trick is finding balance.
But before we get to balance, make sure your love of music isn’t misinterpreted as a love for each other. People can spend lots of time together because work dictates that, but I’m curious to know one thing – if you took the business end of the relationship out of it, would you still be attracted to him? Do you think you would have still come together despite this business opportunity? I ask because you’ve known him a while and it seems the interest or attraction wasn’t there until this business opportunity presented itself. Maybe the excitement of the business is what is drawing you towards each other, but if the business didn't exist, would that excitement still be there?
Sometimes it takes us a little longer to see what was right in front of us all along – but other times we rebound…and I want you to check your heart to make sure he isn’t a rebound who just happens to share your love of music. Four and a half years is a long time to be in a relationship, so finding love a month after an emotionally draining experience may be your heart’s way of soothing itself. Did you give yourself enough time to grieve the other relationship before reconnecting with this new guy? Ask yourself honestly.
If you’ve searched your soul and you’re convinced the new/old friend isn’t a rebound, then I say simply enjoy being with him…and working with him. There are no rules in love, and if you’re making your own rules that work best for you both – then roll with it. What works for some may not work for others, and it sounds to me like you have a pretty good handle on the relationship. If that is the case, then the only thing I can say is be careful. Working with your lover/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse can blow up if you don’t find balance. A few things of concern:
1. Are you mixing money? The number one reason why both marriages AND businesses fail is because of money. So if your business goes belly-up, so might your relationship. Keep finances separate, jus sayin.
2. Romance. Do you discuss business over candlelight dinners, or how sexy you think he is? You might be able to do both, but after a while, the business conversations can overpower the romantic conversations – or vice versa. You have to leave your emotions and the constant business talk at the company door. Don’t take personal stuff to work and don’t replay work drama at home.
3. Make sure you have other interests and friends. If you work together all day every day, then you might get sick of each other. And you won’t have anyone to bitch and complain to about work to if he’s the one getting on your nerves.
4. Hurt feelings. We all know how we feel when our boss reprimands us and tells us we screwed up. Imagine hearing that from someone you share a bed with. He might give you some constructive criticism about how you handled your business, and if you don’t like it, you might decide not to give him the business in the bedroom…if you know what I mean. If you or he doesn’t agree with a business decision, it could go left REAL QUICK. Most couples get emotional with each other – that’s only natural. You can’t take things personally, and you have to look at business advice or criticism through a different lens than the one you view your relationship with.
5. Is he an alpha male? By that, I mean does he think he’s the head of the household? If so, he might see himself as the boss of you too where the business is concerned. It may be hard to be equals at home AND at work if he feels like he’s the “man.” I have no problem letting my man be my man in a relationship, but some women (and men) wouldn’t take so kindly to their lover being their boss too or telling them what to do.
I’ll stop here so that others can weigh in on some of their concerns as well, but I don’t want to turn this into a “why you CAN’T mix business and pleasure” blog. It can happen, those are just some red flags that came to mind right off the top of my head as I read your letter. If Bey and Jay can make beautiful music together, I don’t see why you both can’t either.
Now…as for you being afraid, who isn’t when it comes to relationships? When you meet someone great and you hit it off really fast, we’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Don’t worry about that. Great love and great success require great risk. Don’t be afraid to go after love – if it doesn’t work out, at least you tried and you both can remain friends. If the past couple of months have shown you anything, it’s that time heals all wounds and you’re resilient. Your heart can take it.
Enjoy getting to know him more, spending time with him and growing your business. Hopefully the success of the business won’t determine the success of the relationship – because they are very different. It sounds as if you have each other’s back in both aspects, so if one is doing well, the other just might follow – just don’t confuse the two.
What advice does the blog family have to give? Can you work with your spouse? Imagine being really angry at your man/woman for leaving dishes in the sink - but then having to head to the office or get on a call to discuss business and focus on working together in harmony all day. Think you could do it? Give your two cents :-)
Go!
-b
Thursday, April 14, 2011
- I was gonna complain about paying bills, but then stopped myself after realizing I'm blessed to have a great job. I thank God for supplying all my needs...and those of all my family and friends. Grateful.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Happy Hump Day!
I have a bottle of hot sauce on my book shelf at work. No, I don’t keep it there just in case I need to make my food taste extra spicy. Although it’s real hot sauce, it’s promotional - a bottle used to promote The Alamo on The History Channel. It’s there for show…not for food.
If you like hot sauce on your food, then I love it. Good for you. But I rarely use it. Like…almost never. Why am I telling you this?
Because, apparently I’m not “really black” if I don’t put hot sauce on fried chicken, fish and popcorn. Yes, I said popcorn. Weird right? Or is that just me? I guess it’s just me.
Now I’m not saying those who put hot sauce on everything are “more black” than I am. As much as I find that to be strange, I don’t consider it hood, ghetto, ridiculous or anything like that. That would be silly. It just is what it is…and a person’s preferences are simply that. But some Black folks who have been to my house and asked for hot sauce to go with their meal were FLOORED that I, a Black woman, didn’t have a bottle of hot sauce in my apartment.
So this post is about things that NOT ALL Black people like. Need more examples? Wanna hear it? Here it go…
1. Fake nails. Especially with the color only on the tips. Not my favorite thing to see, but if it floats your boat – rock with it. But just know that not all of us rock 6 inch fingernails with glitter on them.
2. Sports. Not all black people are athletically gifted. I love sports personally, but that doesn’t mean every little black boy has a shot at the NBA simply because he’s Black. Or tall.
3. Tyler Perry. Or Spike Lee. You’re not obligated to love…or even like their movies. It’s okay, no one will take your black card away.
4. Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson. Choose your own Black leaders and role models. You can make fun of Al’s perm all day long if you want – I won’t hate on you for that. It’s not blasphemy.
5. Barack Obama. I personally love this man, but just because you’re Black, it doesn’t mean you can’t disagree with how he’s running the country, or question some of his decisions. I’ve seen some people ready to take another Black person’s head off simply for speaking against his ideals and policies. We can hold him accountable too.
6. Tupac. Just because the man is dead doesn’t make it a sin to actually admit that you don’t love his music that much. I’d add Biggie and Jigga to this list, but they’re in the no slander zone :-)
7. Oprah. I. Love. Her. Period. I respect her hustle. But if another Black person doesn’t share my same love for her, it’s perfectly okay. I drink the Kool-Aid willingly :-)
8. Speaking of….(red) Kool-Aid, pork and mayonnaise. We don’t have to like ANY of that stuff. I actually know some Black folks who like Miracle Whip. Gross….but hey, they can like it if they want to.
9. Thug dudes. While I know most of our sistas like the “bad boys” and Allen Iverson wannabees…I can’t say that I’ve ever been attracted to hood dudes. So if you have saggy pants, corn rows and only own construction boots…you might as well keep it moving. I tend to like the “Barack’s” with the “daddy jeans” myself. :-)
10. Speaking of corn rows. Not all black people like “afro-centric” hairstyles. Locs, an afro, natural hair, braids – I don’t have to wear them to be “black.” I’m just as black with relaxed or straightened hair, so stop turning your perfectly coiffed coiled nose up at me.
11. Black Planet and Twitter. Black people love to tweet for some reason. I don’t. I can’t get with it….and Black Planet was never on my radar. Don’t get it.
12. Tattoos. A million of them.
13. OJ. Some of us think he actually did it.
14. Hennessey or any other alcoholic beverage. Popping bottles in the club doesn’t do it for me. I’m not that big of a drinker, which always lands me the side eye. Why is getting drunk cool? I never understood that one.
15. Weed. I’ve never inhaled anything into my lungs ever. And I never plan to. Not all Black people get high. Some of us are just high on life :-)
Give your list of things that NOT ALL Black (or Latino) people like.
Go!
-b
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Happy Tuesday!
So on my train ride to work this morning, I overheard two women talking about love, sex and all that other sh*t. The one woman seemed to be feeling herself because she landed a boo that told her she was “wifey material.” The other woman sat listening to her friend give her list of credentials. She can cook. She can clean. She keeps her hair did. Has her own place and a job.
As I sat listening, all I could think was….”what a load of bullsh*t.”
Personally, I’m getting tired of the whole “he told me I was wifey material” conversations.
Why?
Because 1) Why do we rely on men (or other women) to tell us what “wifey material” actually is? And 2) It’s all relative.
ANYONE can be wifey material by simply becoming a wife. If Evelyn Lozada of Basketball Wives (who isn’t actually a wife…yet) can be proposed to, and a buster like Ochocinco is willing to wife her – then ANYone can be wifey material.
Women like to wear that title like a crown. And there’s nothing wrong with viewing yourself as the type of woman a man would be proud to marry. But all the woman on the train kept saying was, “He said this…and he said that…so it must be true.”
Huh?
She can cook.
Last I checked, there weren’t any starving men out here looking for a woman who can cook so he can marry her. Most people find a way to eat, so being able to cook nowadays doesn’t really mean that much. And two women I know personally NEVER cook for their men, their men cook for THEM…and they’re happily married. So that ain’t it.
She can clean.
Hiring a maid does the trick too. But unless you’re Oscar the Grouch, most people aren’t living in trashcans either. You should want to clean for yourself, and to keep the roaches away, not to get a husband.
She keeps her hair did.
Um…okay?
She has her own place and a job.
You’re supposed to you airhead! I know we're in tough economic times, but shouldn't having a job be something most of us aspire to so we can...you know....LIVE? If she didn’t have a job, she wouldn’t be able to buy that food she can cook, or get her hair done…so that should be for her own benefit...not to land a husband.
In my opinion, being "wifey material" is more about being yourself, and then finding someone who appreciates who you are. It’s not about trying to conform to some “formula” you think all men use to figure out if you’d make a good wife or not.
You can’t predict who a man will or will not marry. Just ask Khloe and Lamar. Therefore, you can’t always position yourself to meet some mystery criteria. What you CAN do is be the best self for YOURSELF. If you don’t want to cook, or learn how to, then there is a man out there who will be just fine with that - and who will gladly cook for you. If you like wearing baseball hats instead of going to the salon every week, there is a man out there who will appreciate your personality and not your new bob. If you don’t like to clean, you’re just nasty :-)
All joking aside, I hear way too many women asking a man if they consider them wifey material…and it irks my nerves. There is no right or wrong answer to that. The answer lies within yourself – your own value system and your own idea of what makes a person a good mate, period. Knowing how to cook means nothing if you don’t know how to compromise. Keeping a clean house doesn’t go far if you argue all the time. Your hair may be done, but your personality may need some work. Having your own place means squat if your man never wants to come home to you.
If a man shares your same beliefs and values, he will find you. You will be specially made for him, so what the majority of men out there want in a wife won’t really matter. It’ll only matter to that one who will take you exactly as you are. A king finds his queen…whether she can cook or not.
-b
Monday, April 11, 2011
Happy Monday!
So take a look at this clip before we get to the question of the day:
No, the question of the day isn't "why do men cheat?". Men AND women cheat...and for myriad reasons. We'd be here all day...and we've been there and done that.
What I want to know from men is: Do you think you are you expected to cheat? Do men expect this of each other? Are you taught that cheating is manly? Is monogamy a respected trait - or were you taught that being monogamous means you're p*ssy whipped or a chump?
I understand that men may have been taught that sleeping with a million women makes them THE MAN. Alpha male, virile, a stud...whatever. And there's nothing wrong with that. Knock off as many chicks as you like. Women, you can do your thang too...even though the double standard makes us hoes if we do the same thing. But that's a blog that I've probably already done for another day.
But being monogamous is quite something else, and I'm curious to know if men assume other men cheat as well - and if cheating is frowned upon by men in general.
So let's hear it guys...is cheating something that is celebrated, or considered a non-factor among men - or is there something to be said for being a man with self control and can be a one woman man?
Go!
-b
Friday, April 8, 2011
TGIF!!!
So, I’m sure most of you have heard by now that popular NYC deejay Mister Cee was arrested last week for public lewdness and indecent exposure. He allegedly was receiving oral sex from another man while in a car. It’s also been mentioned that he was arrested twice in the past on charges of solicitation.
As I listened to the details on Power 105. 1 last week, I knew this should be a blog topic. Not because he’s a married man soliciting sex on the street, but because homosexuality and hip hop seem to be two words that are rarely found in the same sentence.
Now, I’m not saying Mister Cee is gay. But what if he is? Does that downplay or negate his skills as a talented deejay? Would Jay-Z be less dope if he came out tomorrow? I know he’s in the “no slander zone,” but that’s a real question.
Should we care? Or is it just shocking to us that the musical art form most of us love - that has always represented empowerment and defiance in the black community - is now entering a new arena?
After all, we claim hip hop as our own. And it’s no secret that homophobia in our community is rampant. So when we see the two collide, we’re taken back. It’s believed you can’t be “hard” or “thuggish” in hip hop – and be gay too. But does hip hop have to be hard – or straight - to be “real?” We claim to listen to hip for its realness, the beats…and the message. So if our favorite artist or deejay is gay, do we not like the beats anymore? Is the message tainted? Or do we have a problem with it because we can no longer relate to the artist we bob our heads to?
One 105.1 listener said he has no problem with anyone being gay, but mentioned that “Lollipop” would have a very different meaning for him if he found out tomorrow that Weezy is gay – therefore he wouldn’t feel comfortable singing along because he can't relate.
And I get that. I try to be conscious of who I listen to with my music. Most of us make our music about us, our experiences, our struggles. Hip-hop has always been conveyed as an expression of personal pride spewing from the mouths of street story tellers. Because of this, most people try to listen to artists that they feel personally connected with.
Now, all of that is now possibly redefined in the atmosphere of a homosexual hip-hop artist. And the question I ask you is why? Why would a person’s sexual orientation have anything to do with their beats, their message, or their character? Our favorite rapper can’t be gay, but he can all women bitches and hoes? He can’t be gay, but he can spew the “N” word 15 times in a verse? We seem to care less about misogynistic rap, or the overuse of the “N” word…but if you’re gay, that’s cause for outrage.
When it comes to things we take personally, like our love for music, and hip hop in particular, there exists a very strong stereotype about gay men: homosexual men are weak.
It’s not true, but that’s the belief.
Power 105’s Charlamagne said in reference to the Mister Cee incident (when he wasn’t cracking jokes) that “the hip hop community, and black culture in general, is homophobic for no good reason; and this wouldn’t even be an issue if he could be who he was, comfortably, without people judging him.” Being a lesbian in hip hop may not be a big deal, but what about being a gay man? There may be gay men in hip hop hiding in plain sight, wanting to come out, but who never will – for fear that they’ll be clowned, not taken seriously, shunned or judged.
So what say you? Is there room for homosexuality in hip hop? Do you think you could appreciate a gay rapper - even if you consider yourself heterosexual? – or so long as he doesn’t bring his sexuality into his rhymes?
We all use music in some way – whether to enlighten us, inspire us, help us escape, or get us hype for the club. So does it matter what an emcee’s sexual orientation is if he can you help you achieve all those things in hip hop? For some, it doesn’t matter…but for others, being 100% comfortable with homosexuality does not blend together with their love of hip hop. Keep it real…where do you stand?
-b
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- Apparently I have to clarify that I did NOT write Tuesday's TMI blog. Domina*Tricks wrote that blog as my guest and I have NOT had 75 sex partners. I got a few emails from people who thought I was a strumpet :-)
- Every day, I see this one guy on the train, and each time he gets off the same stop I do...and then falls UP the steps. EVERY DAY.
- I want pizza for lunch instead of these boring chicken breasts that I brought.
- It's freezing in my building today.
- I miss Cole so much. I still can't believe he's gone :(
- It feels good to be appreciated at work sometimes. Not a bad week!
- Back in the gym going full force now...and I can feel it. I'm sore in all the right places again.
- Tickets are booked for Morocco! Woo-hoo!
- Looking forward to a nice weekend :)
- Ms. Lylah had an awesome bridal shower last weekend! Congrats again!
- I need to go find some hot chocolate or something - I'm freezing!
- My cough has finally subsided. But now I think I'm developing allergies :(
- It's supposed to be 75 degrees on Monday, but with thunder storms. Who cares, as long as it's warm.
- Brian's throwbacks this week!
Go!
-b
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Happy Hump Day!
Speaking of humping, ladies - would you hump a dude who is shorter than you are?
A friend of mine asked me if she was being petty by wondering if she should give her number to a guy who is shorter than she is. We're talking short...as in 5'4. She's about 5'6 I'm guessing. While I thought his height was the last thing she should be worrying about (he lives clear across the country, so it would be a long distance thing), I did give it some thought.
I mentioned to her that I might not be the best person to ask about this. After all, women who refuse to date men their height or shorter, or who have a height requirement, are a pet peeve of mine. I understand preferences - and as a 5'10 Amazon of a woman myself - I get it.
But I've dated men as short as 5'6. Great guys! I was attracted to them and didn't let their height get in the way of me getting to know them. Besides, a man who is considered short who has the nerve to approach a woman my height is a turn on to me. It signifies confidence to me...and I like that.
But I seem to be in the minority. It seems most women I know do not particularly care for dating a man who is shorter than they are. The taller the woman is, the more strongly they seem to feel about this. However, most men I ask do not seem to have this same aversion to dating a taller woman.
So what are your thoughts on this? I know that the politically correct answer is that people should look at a person for who they are on the inside and not on the outside. I think we mostly agree on that. But I'm talking about preferences, and why.
I think for some women, it's genetically ingrained in us to want a bigger/taller man, because that once meant he'd be a better protector and provider whilst we were being stalked by saber-toothed tigers and whatnot. It's a possible theory. :)
But I've met some tall-ass chumps in my day - and also some very scrappy, manly shorter men. So the "he can protect me" theory goes out the window for me. I know women wanna be "tossed around" and feel "safe," but I've been tossed a time or two by a man shorter than me, while some men I've dated who were my height or taller can barely do a chin-up.
So ladies, do you have a height requirement? I know some women who are 5'3 and refuse to date a man who is less than 6' tall - which is absurd...with their short asses :-) Does a man have to be "at least" your height to date you? Or at least 3 inches taller should you decide to wear heels? Or does his height not matter to you as long as he's a good guy....or can stand on his wallet? LOL!
I joke :-)
Men, do you have a problem dating a woman who is taller than you? Or do you like climbing trees?
Let's hear it!
Go!
-b
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
What's Your Number...by Domina*Tricks
I’ve had sex with close to 75 people. I’m not into the triple digits yet, but hell, I may get there…who knows. I figured I’d share since it IS TMI Tuesday….not that anyone cares. :-)
My friends, males and female, think my number is very high – even though almost all of the men I know have numbers in that range. I didn’t think the number was high given my age, but then again, I’ve slept with both sexes pretty equally…so maybe that’s why my number is higher. One of my male friends said the women I’ve slept with don’t count, but I figure if a person gives me an orgasm, then I’m counting her dammit!
If I were, say, 21 years old, then yes – that number might be high. But who’s to say what someone’s “number” should be? As I got older, I realized that sex doesn’t have to be had simply because I’m in a relationship, or to symbolize love…or even “extreme like.” Now, I have sex because I want to…with whomever I want to. I’m chasing an orgasm, and the person who gets me there the fastest wins!
I’ve also had threesomes multiple times, so that upped my number as well. I seek exciting sexual experiences, so I figured having sex with a variety of people helps me experience different things. It doesn’t mean that I’m not safe, or that I lay down with just ANYONE. It means I’m single, not in a committed relationship, and open to sex in a way that I wasn’t when I was my younger, more inexperienced self.
Now, in my late thirties, I don’t care what my body looks like, or what he or she will think of me in the morning. There’s a freedom that comes with that. It doesn’t mean that I’m not open to love or a relationship one day. It means that for now, my number is my business, and if it keeps climbing until I meet “The One” (if such a person even exists for me), then so be it. I’ll continue to have fun with great people chasing amazing orgasms.
And if “The One” asks me my number, then I’ll be honest. If he or she has a lower number than me, I may wince at his or her inexperience – but I’ll deal I don’t care about anyone’s number. I care whether they were safe and felt good about themselves. You can sleep with one person and not protect yourself and catch something, or you can sleep with 100 people and make sure you’re protected at all times and feel good about yourself. It depends on the person and the circumstances. And I, for one, am having a great time. Just make sure you know what you’re doing if you want to be a notch on my belt – cuz at close to 75 people, I don’t have time to give lessons ;-)
-Domina*Tricks.
