Monday, June 21, 2010

Happy Monday!

I hope you all had a great weekend, and I hope all the dads out there had a wonderful Father's Day! So much so, that I wanted to pass along yet another blog by an awesome father...with a slightly different take. I wish I had an extra day last week to get this one in, but who said we have to smoosh all the daddy posts into one week of the year!? So with that said, here's another great blog by another great daddy - Mr. E. Payne from Makes Me Wanna Holler!

'Twas a few days before Father's Day and all through the house,
Everyone was a sleep except this lively mouse.
I stared at the ceiling, wide awake as could be,
Getting up several times with the urgent need to pee.
But that's not what had me wide-eyed in the night,
It was what transpired a few hours earlier, a very caustic fight
Between a teen at the end of his rope, the victim of course...

Enough with the rhyming. Before the clock struck midnight, my son very clearly informed me (who at the time was boiling over with frustration) that I wasn't his dad. I was just his step-dad.

Here's a little secret: I've been dreading those words for years.

But I laughed. Can you believe it? Maybe it was a defense mechanism; maybe it was because I had many more words to say than him. Maybe my bottle was corked just a bit tighter than his in my effort to always embrace reason and seek the positive.

But that doesn't mean I didn't react.

The Man caught an adrenaline rush, pushed the Dad and Husband out of the room, and stared down flesh not even half my age. The flimsy knife the boy had brought to the Man's gunfight broke against the man's older, wrought-iron skin.

The boy...ahh, the boy...a boy I've known for a very, very long time....the boy in the big body...he's still just a boy...he proved that more than ever before...

Then it was the Man's turn...

But the Wife was there to keep the The Man from pulling his trigger, neutralizing and reminding him where he was and who he also is. She went to find the Dad even though it took her nearly four hours to do so. I assume she probably suffered the most in the midst of the chaos. I apologized, but she insisted I did nothing wrong.

The Wife convinced the Husband to come to bed. But the Man couldn't sleep and the Dad all but disappeared until the sun rose. He washed his face, shaved and emerged to face the day at peace and filled with the awareness of the teachable moment he now stands in and the structure that must now and forevermore be employed. Eerily, I'm at peace. I kinda figured the day would come. You just know as an outsider trying to become an insider (even once you're inside) that the day will come --- whether it's sooner or later. God bless those who've remained unscathed.

I am the step-dad: The dad who STEPPED-UP to do what another man never had the courage to pursue. Although meant as a slight. I actually take it as a compliment. Go figure?

Step-dads STAND UP! You have to contend with so much more than those who come by it naturally.

My hat is off to you.

Be blessed.

- E. Payne
To find out how things worked out between E. and his son, check out MakesMeWannaHoller!


JUSTBNME said...

First Bitches!!!

JUSTBNME said...

Nicely written. I am a stepmother, and sometimes it takes all I have to just not "go there".

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Wow...interesting contrast to the other Father's Day blogs. Kudos - it takes a special type of man to raise another man's child as his well as a special type of woman to do so. Respect!

Jay said...

This was a GREAT read B, I'm glad you posted it. Last weeks blogs were great, but this shows a different side to fatherhood. While I hope to father my own children, I have to keep in mind that my wife might come to me with a child already...and wanting to a be a father means I might have to do it the unconventional way. Being a dad is just that, being a matter if they're your biological seed or not. There were so many men in my life growing up who played a "fatherly" role - and they were just as important as my biological father. I applaud E. Payne for not letting this dampen his spirit, and I love that he saw his son's reaction as a compliment to what a great father he is. Kudos bruh, this was excellent!

Stef said...

@E. Payne,

This was AWESOME! Raising someone else's child, especially a son, is a great responsibility that sometimes seems like a thankless job. Kudos to you for STEPPING up and being a great dad!

Brooke said...

To see how things worked out between E. and his son - check out his blog at

Great stuff!

Jay said...

I was actually gonna ask E how his Father's Day was as a result of this confrontation - thanks for the site!

DMoe said...

Excellent read, and a great view of the other side of the things stated last week.

Thanks so much for the words here.


Powerz said...

Great read! A very inspiring view for those dealing with this scenario. I wish you the best my man!

A-buzzzzzz said...


It takes a VERY special person to raise someone else's kids. My dad did it effortlessly with my brothers. And I give crazy props to Austin's nephew Rob who had stepped in to take on the responsibility of his stepdaughter. He has done an amazing job & we're extremely proud of the job he's done.
I'm a stepmom and I hope NEVER to hear those words although I guess it may be something that is inevitable. BUT I treat my stepkids the same way I'm going to treat Sophia. I love them with ALL my heart but if they need to be disciplined they are going to hear it also. SOOO I guess if I do hear that then that means I'm doing something right! LOL...
At the end of the day I know that my stepkids love me JUST as much as I love them. And whether I birthed them or not they will always be my babies!

E.Payne & all the father's out there once again happy father's day... I hope all of you had a wonderful weekend.

A-buzzzz said...

I just read E.Payne's Blog.. You are sooo on point. Our stepkids are the ones we chose. And the ones who taught us how to love & parent. Heck before Jada I never even wanted a daughter! lol NOW I have 2! LMAO
Your blog had me in tears & although you aren't looking for it. One day your SON will sit down & tell you thank you.

Jay said...

I agree with Annamaria, the outcome is worth all the hurt you might have felt at that moment. Kids say things they don't mean, and alot of times it's a cry out or acting out when they don't have the words to express their frustration. I'm glad you went in on him and laid it down, but did so with love as much as strength.

It really does take a special kind of person to step in where someone else isn't. You are raising him as your SON, not your STEP-SON. He will truly appreciate that - as I'm sure he already does. He just may not know it yet...but something tells me he does.

Makes Me Wanna Holler is now on my list of daily blogs to read. Thanks Brooke for putting me on.

Courtney said...

This was GREAT! As someone who was raised in part by a stepfather, I know how hard it was for him to step in and be a father figure while having to navigate my mother's parenting and my crazy emotions. I said that to my stepfather once, and I could see the hurt in his face. I said it mainly because I was frustrated that my REAL dad wasn't there and that my stepdad was doing what I wished my father would have. Now I thank God I had such a man in my life...and I no longer call him my stepdad - he's simply "dad" now.

Great blog!

Geeque said...

Great Blog Bruh!!!

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