Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Cherish Being a Dad

Happy Tuesday!

We're continuing with the Father's Day blog posts this week, and Day 2 belongs to DMurray! Let's go!

Cherish Being a Dad...by DMurray.

It’s Father’s Day so let me get straight to the point. After all, that is what Dads do right? If you are father, you have an awesome responsibility. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It takes a man to raise a boy into a man. I know single mothers all over the world are doing the best they can. Hats off to them, great job! But MEN are needed to raise boys to be men, PERIOD. We are supposed to be the standard bearers for fellowship with other men, help them negotiate life’s troubled waters and how to deal with the opposite sex. Example: even though I am no longer married to the my son’s mother (aka the practice wife), he has NEVER seen me yell at her, call her out of her name or even argue with her. Why? That is not his business. A child should never be exposed to that. Let your kids be kids and stop exposing them to adult concepts so early in life.

“Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.”- Proverbs 17:6

Translation: Dads - you are accountable. Children are your GLORY. Come on Dads...that means when you are old and gray, they are a reflection of you. You can divorce your wife...but not your kids. I honestly think that is the problem these days. Parents want to be friends with their children instead of RAISING THEM. Parents are teachers, counselors, nurses, chefs, mentors and everything in between; but they ARE NOT buddies with their children. People want to be liked so much they have let this impair their ability to be parents. Don’t confuse being in agreement with being friends. When kids become adults, they can understand this and at some point decisions need to be made. They are made by parents, period. As difficult as this may be for me to establish for a summer, I plan to do so. He's got chores, homework (yes, even in the summer), and bedtime is 8pm. These things sound simple - but believe me, when I hear some parents talk about their kids, they cannot grasp this concept of discipline. Children cry out for parenting.

My favorite time of the year is Father’s Day. This is more important to me than my own birthday. As a man on his second marriage, I am in a unique position. Some people think it is easy for a man to leave the marriage even when there are children involved. I can tell you that it is not. I feel the same failings that women do when it's over. However, I had to move on and still be a good father.

I love my boy. There is nothing I would not do for him. He is everything to me and there is nothing cool about missing out on the joys that I have missed out on this year. He is growing right before his stepfather’s eyes. Not mine. That hurts. This yea, I missed his football and basketball games, his first theatrical performance and numerous academic award banquets. We is a weed - all of 50 inches tall, close to 100lbs and wears a size 8 1/5 men’s shoe! He is huge!

Fear not, because the summer is here. Starting last Thursday, he hangs out with his old man. The dude that gave him all of his swag, some of his brains, and most of his good looks! We are both excited, however there is work to be done this summer. I have to teach my son about values. The values that I want him to have: integrity, honesty, respect and intestinal fortitude. We had the speech already - “Deuce, just because it's summertime does not mean you are on vacation. You are just out of school.” There is plenty of work to do, and I plan on teaching as well as loving and raising my son to be a better man than I am.

Last summer, there were so many things going on for me. I returned from Iraq, got re-married, and my son was in the midst of it all. This year, I have a little bit more time on my hands, and after a busy summer last year I want to get back to what is most important. My son! He needs me and we are always on borrowed time. I have to mold him into the image of the man I think he should be, and I only have summers and holidays to do it. For his mother’s part, she does believe his development is worthy of his father’s attention. To that end, she believes it will be best for him to live with his father starting in the 6th grade. I welcome the challenge and I know that not all former wives would do the same thing. It took me a while to convince her on this idea, but I believe she understands that my role as a parent did not change when we split up. Maturity is the key and you must have it as a parent.

Dads...cherish this day - and every other one that you have as a father. What will you kids say about you when you are gone? What will they credit you with? What will they tell their children about you?

“Glory of children is their fathers” – Know it, See it and Believe it.

Happy Father’s Day!

- DMurray


Annamaria said...

First again BITCHES

Annamaria said...

I want to squeeze that kids cheeks! LOL

Congrats & everything you've accomplished in the past year DMurray & Happy Father's Day in advance.
I'm happy that you not only got the chance to help raise your son BUT that you accepted that chance. I think that is great.
I agree some parents have lost their way & are more concerned with being more of a friend than a parent. F that I am going to beat your a**! lol Your kids need limits, rules & structure. It will help guide & shape them. I agree that they need to do chores & homework. Yes summer is a vacation from school but that doesn't mean your brain should stop working..
Cherish every day you spend from now on with your son Dmurray.. make up for all the lost time. Be at every game, play & school event. And teach him how to be a good man. Good Luck with everything & again Happy Dad's day..

Rameer The Circumstance said...

LOVE THIS, bruh! You've always been an upstanding brotha, and you never cease to come down from the standard you set from the day I met you, D.

Keep it up - and continue to be the spark that spurs another young Black man to greatness!!

DMurray said...


Thanks...it seems like in this day and age we think everything is permissable and it can't be. Parents have to brave and stand up for what they believe in. But maybe that is the problem too; what do parents believe in these days?

Rameer, Homie- parenting is not easy put I don't want anyone shaking their head asking,"damn who's kid is that?" I want to hear; "I am sure your parents are proud".

The Cable Guy said...

This was great man. I agree, parents want to be their child's friend, not their PARENT. My son is only 3 years old, but I'm already planting the seeds of discipline. I don't want him to be afraid of me, but I want him to respect me and show respect for others. I see kids out nowadays and see what they get away with and I'll be damned if my son is out acting a fool when I know I've taught him better. We can't always control the outside forces and influences on our kids, but we can lay the foundation so that when it comes time for them to make a decision, they hear your voice in their head and heed the lessons and values we've instilled in them.

Great blog!

A-buuuuzzzzzzz said...

You know what amazes me. That whenever the news or some dateline special wants to portray "fathers" They always can find Jose from the hood.. You know the dude with 8 kids from 10 different chicks who has never worked a day in his life and has never paid a penny of child support. The dude who's kids are running around at 12 on their way to the state pen. BUT you will never see the BORING story about the men we have on this blog who love & take care of their children. So Brooke I commend you for taking the opportunity to give these dudes props. Not only for doing what in fact they are supposed to be doing BUT for being the exception to the rule.

You guys are all awesome.. Brooke I think you should have a whole gang of blog kids & just have a bunch of different BD...LMAO...

Brooke said...

what exactly are "blog kids"? LOL!

I feel like I have alot of kids already between my nephews, my Godson, and my two best friend's 3 kids each. Add Sophia and Leah to the mix and I'm at my limit! LOL!

I'm still taking applications for future baby daddy sperm...jus sayin ;)

And you're right - there are so many great dads out there that don't get their proper recognition. While I think mothers who raise their children are Super Heroes every day, there are just as mnay Super Hero Dads out there holding down their families. I think it just does us good to hear from them - so this week, my blog belongs to them :)

Ms. Penn said...

I love that DMurray takes his responsibility as a father so seriously, to the point where he is not wasting any time that he has with his son this summer. Instilling values, giving the kids chores to promote responsiblity, discipline, etc. are all so important in the development of a child's life. We are not birthing friends, we should be shaping and molding children to become amazing human beings and wonderful citizens of the world. That's a BIG job and a HUGE responsibility - one that many parents don't take seriously. It requires time, dedication, love and patience. You have to be the best you can be in order to teach your children to be the best THEY can be. What I admire about great fathers is that they do the work needed on THEMSELVES in order to serve as great models - because children see how you ARE and what you DO - not just hear what you say. If your actions don't measure up to what you say, then kids won't see that. They learn by example - and so far, the fathers on this blog are leading by example.

Great post!

Stef said...

What a great read, and I echo Ms. Penn's sentiments. You sound like you take parenting seriously, and fathers who do - even when they only have a short amount of time to spend with the child - should make every moment count and be the best they can be. You sound like that's you and you are an exceptional man who is a great role model for your son. Congrats to you!

DMURRAY said...


You guys are great! When I am tired, weary or brow-beaten all I have to do is read these responses to get back into the fight. Rising our children is not a job. There are things out here that will destroy your kids. We have to prepare them for that. Every visit with him, every phone call, every message is a chance to shape him into what God wants him to be.

Parenting is not glamourous at times but the legacy I leave behind in him is more important that anything. He wears my name and that is a badge of honor.

Thank you, but I am doing what I am suppose to do.

Serena W. said...

Dmurray...you never cease to amaze a sista! I can't wait to meet Deuce this summer! Maybe the two of you can do a step show/bbq before he goes back west.

What is amazing is this...there are some fathers that are next door to their kids and can't parent them, call, see a play, game, give advice, nothing.

You are a parent, father and everything in between with about 1,500+ miles in between you and Deuce during the year.

I know you are doing what you are SUPPOSED to do bruh...but you do it with integrity and well.

Not too mention how awesome of a hubby you are to the Mrs. (The Murray's rock y'all)!

Okay I can sense DMurray sniffling. I'll stop now.

As always my hats off to you.

Jaz said...

I agree with all the sentiments expressed here. I know parenting is what you're supposed to do, but you could easily take the easy way out because of the distance between you two and the fact that there's another man in his life.

That being said, how do you and Cable Guy deal with the fact that there is another father figure in your son's lives? Has there been any conflict? do your sons ever receive conflicting messages or experience confusion because they have "two daddies" - or do they feel they only have one father and simply another male in their lives?

Brooke said...

good question Jaz.

DMURRAY said...


I have to honestly tell you I have some heartburn with this; almost everyday. The issue is he has kids; 17 and 14 to be exact. We also see child rearing though 2 different sets of eyes in my opinion. However, in an effort to eliminate confusion between my son and the two of us we (the wife and I) went out there to meet him. I pretty much had to tell my boy that it was "ok" to be cool with him. Even though this is the guy my ex cheated on me with (that is an entirely different blog).

That is where I get into the notion that he cannot raise my boy the way I want him to be raised. I want more for him and I am willing to push him. He really does not have the invested interest that I do. No matter what is said he just does'nt.

Are the 2 seperate sets of standards? Yes we are trying to baseline that and have a common ground; but at the same time I think my standards are a bit more stringent than theirs. So that makes things different when he comes back east. It is an adjustment for all of us everytime he goes back and forth.

Bottom line; there is one Dad and one Mom; and another woman and man in my boy's eyes. I make that clear; but he still better respect the "step" on both sides.

Stef said...

Wow! the guy she's with is the guy she cheated on you with??? I'd have a REAL problem with him having any say in how to raise my son. I guess you have to keep the peace in the best interest of your son, but whoa!

It's good you went out to meet him and set the rules and that you lay the groudwork for your son. Even though there's distance, I'm sure you son knows that you are the father and adheres to the standards you set, even while far away.

The Cable Guy said...

I have to say, it's a hard pill to swallow having another dude around my son. I met him too and we had a long talk about expectations. He doesn't have any children, so he pretty much takes to my son as his own - even though I made it very clear that there is only ONE father and that child rearing is left up to me and his mother. It helps that his mother and I have a sound relationship, so he doesn't feel the need to interfere - he pretty much just goes with our flow.

Annamaria said...

If you are in the picture kids KNOW who their parents are.. For example Powerz's kids have a stepfather BUT they know Powerz is their dad. The same way they have me but they know who their mom is. I'm sure it would be a hard pill to see another woman in Sophia's life BUT as long as she was good to my daughter I would feel a little better with it.
I think it's great that you have let your role be known from day 1 and now you will be able to guide him with your morals & values for a lil bit.

Baby Mama said...

Hi all...again!

I was very careful not to have any men around my son. It wasn't until we decided to become serious that I had Rob (Cable Guy) meet my boyfriend - and that was only after I had a long talk with my boyfriend first about what I expect from our relationship as it pertains to our son. I was dating him for 6 months before he laid eyes on my child, even though we had become serious pretty quickly. We both knew what we wanted, and he know that I came as a package deal - not just me and my son - but me, my son and my son's father.

He understood that and we continued forward knowing what we had to deal with. I asked Rob first if it was okay for my boyfriend to meet him, and Rob met him that same day. We all get along and respect each other, and my son is not confused as to who his father is. No matter who is in my life, WE are his parents first, and anyone else has to have my son's best interest at heart and our approval first.

Stivell said...

I love your last post baby Mama!! The child always comes first.

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