Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Hump Day!

Someone challenged me to name 20 things that most people don't know about me. Being that I consider myself an open book, I had a hard time with this. But here are 15 - that's all I could do!

1. I was born in Japan. A lot of people knew that about me, but apparently a lot of people didn't. Because of that, I've always wanted to learn to speak Japanese and go back to visit one day...and I will. My dad was in the military and my mother went with him...so there you have it.

2. I have a tattoo on my second right toe - an ivy leaf.

3. I'm terrified of snakes, sharks and falling down the steps.

4. My middle name is Danielle. My mother wanted to name me Tracy, but my grandmother told her to name me Brook(e) - after her favorite singer Brook Benton. I was named after a man - and I would have been a "Brook(e) whether I was a boy or a girl. I LOVE my name...but I've never met my maternal grandmother :-(

5. I like doing laundry and I love the smell of clean clothes. I just hate putting them away.

6. I secretly wish I could pole dance. Don't judge me :-)

7. I'd love to write a book one day. But I'm afraid to. I'm either afraid it'll suck and I'll never write anything again...or that it'll be great and I won't be able to write anything as good afterwards. I know...totally ridiculous. I just have to do it...but I'm skerred!

8. I love roller coasters, but haven't been on one in years. Free Fall scares the bjeezus out of me though!

9. I want to run a marathon one day, but I have bad knees. I guess I can walk it.

10. I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world, but I do my best work under pressure.

11. When I was younger, I was ambidextrous.

12. I'm addicted to Gap boy shorts. They're so soft! Now I just need a booty to fill them out :-)

13. Other careers I've secretly wished I could do: Forward in the WNBA, author, chef, radio personality, or DJ at a club.

14. My breasts are slightly lopsided. Not totally noticeable...but I notice it.

15. I suffer migraines - and they're almost always triggered by changes in temperature.

Now...name 10 things we might not know about you! Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday!

Dear Brookey,

I have a dating dilemma I'd like your opinion on. I've been seeing a guy for about 6 months now and he recently brought up the subject of living together. Since we've met, we've been inseparable. I'm always at his place or he's always at mine. We both have VERY high rents (living in NYC will do that to you) and he said we should consider it for "practical reasons." We've never even gone on vacation together, so would moving in after only 6 months be too soon? We have both expressed our love for one another, but is that enough to move in? What say you?

**Disclaimer: I've never lived with a man and I'm not a relationship expert**

That being said, I think you should wait a while. There are a couple reasons why I say this. Even though I don't know you personally or any details about your relationship, two things struck me - 1) "for practical reasons" and 2) "we've never even gone on vacation together."

Let's start with number 1. Living in NYC, I understand completely the financial reasons why a couple might want to consider living together. One rent/mortgage, shared utilities, more money to do other things together (like go on vacation) are attractive reasons to want to shack up. However, when most people decide to live together, it's more about seeing if the relationship is ready to move on to the next level. You've told each other that you love each other, but is that enough? I've never lived with a man, but I'd assume moving in together would symbolize a commitment to each other and plans for the future. While I agree that living together is a practical option finance-wise, it may not always be the best thing for a blooming relationship if you aren't on the same page about the reasons. You might think he wants you to move in because it means he's leaning towards marriage, when really, he just wants to save money for a new flat screen TV and an XBox. Not cool. Sometimes saving money isn't worth falling into the toilet late at night because he didn't put the seat back down, listening to him snore every night or any other annoying habit you discover you can't live with after you've move in...which brings me to number 2.

2. I'm not saying going on vacation with someone will tell you all that you need to know about a person, but I DO suggest going away for even a long weekend just to see how that goes first. Diving head first into living together might be overwhelming, so I'd say take baby steps. Not everyone's vacation-with-their-boo experience is the same, but I'll clue you in to some things I've discovered while on vacation with a dude.

- Everyone poops. You can't avoid it if you're on vacation with someone unless you're just walking around toxic. We all KNOW that everyone does it, but you don't have to see (or smell) it when you each have your own place. It's more than that though. There are just some things that are left to the imagination when you're seeing someone but don't see them everyday. We never see him shave his chest hair, he never sees us wax our mustache...or any other body part. He's not around to see us in the fetal position when we have cramps during that time of the month, and we don't see him sitting on the couch scratching his balls. We only show our beautiful, clean- shaven, charming selves when we go visit. But when you live together, there are just somethings he or she will see...and I think getting a glimpse of that on vacation gives you an idea if you can stomach living with someone.

- We might get sick of each other. It rarely happened, but there were times I just wanted to say "can you please go somewhere...away from me?" When you're on an island and can't get away from someone, that'll give you an idea of what sharing an apartment is like. Okay, maybe not an apartment, but you know what I mean. If they get on your nerves and you live apart, you can simply go back to your place and not answer the phone. You can't do that when you live together...you just have to go into another room. At least if you go on vacation together and you can't escape, you'll be able to determine if he or she is someone you can stand being around ALL the time. Spending time together 24/7 can either make or break you. However....

- If you don't get sick of each other, that's a GOOD thing. Because you didn't fight or get tired of each others' company (depending on how long the vacation lasted), it can move the relationship needle a little farther. If the vacation brought you closer together rather than becoming a vacation-turned-torture trip, it can reinforced your compatibility...making moving in together more attractive of an idea.

- We might not bone every day. I mean...most times we DID bone everyday, but that's just me ;-) But spending a week together made me realize that when you live together or you're married, it's inevitable that couples stop doing it every single day. While I dread that thought, it's totally OK not to have sex every day all day long, so long as it's still done on a regular basis. Usually when we got back from vacation, we didn't have sex the next few times we saw each other - because we were too damned tired! It wasn't because we were tired of each other or not attracted to each other, but rather because we were exhausted, or busy with work...or just didn't feel like it. I like to cuddle and hug and kiss...and I realized it's OK to skip a hump day once in a while. Just one though ;-)

When you live together, you probably will see some things you wish you hadn't, you'll probably want your own space sometimes, you probably won't have sex every day, and you might not like each other ALL the time - and BOTH of you need to be cool with that. I say all that to say, manage your expectations and be realistic about what you think living together means. If you both love each other and have discussed where your relationship is going and you're both on the same page - then go for it! But if money is the sole reason you're considering shacking up, then I'd say think it over some more...and have the discussion again in another 6 months if you feel the same way about each other. And go on vacation already!

Again...I am not a relationship expert, so feel free to weigh in. Go!

-b

Happy Monday!

So yes...we're gonna chat about Chris Brown...again. I didn't watch the BET Awards in its entirety last night, but I turned the channel just in time to catch Chris Brown's tribute to Michael Jackson. If you missed it, take a look:



Say what you want to say about Chris Brown - but he KILLED that performance! Every step, crotch grab, moonwalk, glide was ON POINT! I was with him all the way...until.

"Is he CRYING?" I said out loud.

Yep, he was crying.

At first I thought "gimme a break!" I thought he was doing it for sympathy and cool points. Was he distraught over MJ's passing, or was he reflecting on the words of the song he was supposed to sing? After all, Man in the Mirror starts off, "I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life...." Maybe the words grabbed a hold of his heart and he couldn't shake them enough to get them out. As he fell to the ground, I started thinking maybe he WAS in agony, feeling the pain of someone who's had to look in the mirror for the past year and a half and work his way back.

Articles I read this morning, bloggers, and even the ladies of The View wondered if Chris Brown was "faking it." But as DMoe pointed out this morning, "when you're blowing snot bubbles, that sh*t is real!" Hey, after all...the man is human.

No one has to like anyone for any reason. If you believe Chris Brown is a jerk because he's a woman beater, then that's your right. It seems we relinquish forgiveness to a God somewhere outside of ourselves, until it's time for us to ask for forgiveness. Although we're all fully qualified to forgive, we do it when it suits us. We can give forgiveness freely or withhold it...but we'll ALL have to ask for it one day.

Too many times we see our lives as one big drama unfolding frame by frame like a movie. But unlike film, we can't edit out the scenes that don't fit the picture we think our lives should reflect. Every frame counts, every take is a good one. How we view them is up to us. I'm sure Chris Brown would love to edit out many scenes of his life, just like the rest of us would. But every person in our experience who has hurt us, or whom we've hurt, is a frame in our film - a part of our life, whether we like it or not. We can see each frame as a defeat, or we can view each hurt and misfortune as an integral part of the entire film.

Each frame shows us how to live and love by example. Each mistake teaches us a lesson and challenges us with our greatest opportunity to grow. I'm not saying anyone has to forgive anybody for anything. But bitterness, like love, creates after its kind. When we criticize and condemn others, we wound ourselves - and our resentment rarely disturbs the person who "offended" us...but rather it destroys the host. Forgiveness is a pain reliever - it frees those who forgive...and the forgiver benefits most. "Judge not, condemn not." Easier said than done, right?

Usually pangs of conscience are self inflicted and private. But Chris Brown showed us last night that moments from our past that we'd like to erase don't always come back to us in moments of quiet reflection...but can haunt us at any time. But the deeper truth of his meltdown is that that could be any of us. We all have our regrets - some secret guilt or private embarrassment that we've carried around inside...maybe for years. It may be something we said or did to someone we love, someone we've long lost touch with, someone who remembers the person we were back then rather than the person we've grown to be...unaware of how we've changed.

The wisest thing we can do is to always choose love, because it heals everything in its path. Ask the Spirit to give us a forgiving heart - and give people a chance or the benefit of the doubt...no matter how painful it may be. Staying in the light, even when we don't want to, is the key to self-mastery - and as we forgive, so are we forgiven.

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

It's hot as the devil with gasoline drawz on! But I love it!

- Summer is officially here! Who's going to the beach with me!?

- Time to start swimming. Have to put that in the rotation when we're not with Deebo.

- Please be careful at the beaches - especially if you can't swim. Even people who CAN swim are getting caught in rip tides and drowning. If you get caught in one, let the current take you out, then swim parallel to the beach away from the rip tide...and then swim back in. RIP to the 12 year old girl who drowned earlier this week.

- And why in the HELL are teachers taking kids to the beach??? Especially when there are no life guards on duty and there are signs everywhere letting them KNOW there are no life guards! That's ridiculous. Someone has to answer for that.

- Chris Rock is on The View...he's hilarious to me :-)

- I want to have a three hour massage like Al Gore did. Is a three hour massage a massage...or is that a date?

- Chris Rock said people lose the desire to have sex when they get married. That CAN'T ALWAYS be true. If that's the case, I'll take my time looking for Mr. Right...cuz jeeze! I hope I'm the exception to that rule.

- Oh...and I need my Pleasure Party package to come...asap! :-)

- Braids gotta come out this weekend. They're beating my brains out.

- I wish I knew what Chris Rock was saying to Kobe during this game of the Finals. Kobe didn't hear anything - FOCUSED. I bet Chris was funny as hell though! :-)



- Should LT have been indicted?

- Jill Scott KILLED it last weekend at the Maxwell concert. Maxwell was his usual yummy self, but Jilly from Philly tore that mic UP!

- Brian's RTT Throwback!



Go!

-b

Dear Brookey,

I know this is going to sound pathetic, but I feel like I have a weird dating dilemma. Men that I’m interested in always seem to be interested in one of my friends instead of me. I know that I have great, beautiful girlfriends with a lot of personality, but I’m no slouch either. Yet every dude I like always seems to tell me that he’s interested in my friend just as I’m about to tell him that I like him or ask him for his number. What am I doing wrong?

Second Best

Dear “Second Best,”

First of all, if you believe that you’re second best – that’s exactly what you’ll be. Stop calling yourself that, because it’ll become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Next, maybe you should start going out alone to meet men, or with a different group of friends. Your friends can’t help who is attracted to them, so perhaps you’d feel better mixing it up a bit. You don’t have to integrate your friends with everything you do or everywhere you go. When you go out alone, you look confident, and maybe more approachable. And if there’s no competition around, you’ll know that if a man approaches you, he’s interested in YOU and not one of your pesky, super cute friends :-) Being alone almost forces you to meet people….cuz what else are you going to do just sitting or standing there by yourself? If your girls aren’t there, then you won’t be constantly worrying about who’s NOT looking at you and who’s looking for the “cute one” in the group – so with less distractions, you’re more likely to just be yourself and get all the attention.

Note: If you DO go out alone, take a book with you or be doing something. You don’t want to look like the psycho with no friends. And don’t get wasted at the bar because you think drinking alone makes you look “intriguing.” Have ONE drink (during the week, not on the weekend) and spark some friendly conversation with the guy sitting next to you and be your charming self :-)

You may not think so, but you may be giving off a certain vibe around your friends who seem to be more outgoing. If they’re not thinking about the next guy who may come up to them, then perhaps that’s what makes them seem more attractive. Nothing is more of a turnoff than a man or woman who looks like they’re waiting for someone to approach them. When men and women are in their own world having a good time, they look happier, and therefore more attractive. Stop worrying so much about the men and simply enjoy the time out with your friends.

And maybe some extra flirting might help too. Take a look at how your friends behave when they’re out. Are they flirty? Fun? Do they laugh a lot? What signals are they giving off that maybe you can take a queue from? Nothing is wrong with a little friendly competition – so if you can’t beat 'em…steal their moves! I’m not saying don’t be your lovely self – I’m just saying do what they do and put your own sexy spin on it. Do it BETTER!

-b

Happy Tuesday!

So I was watching The View today, and DL Hughley was one of the guest co-hosts. He said a few things that I found to be interesting...and I wanted to get your take on it.

First, he said that "intelligence is over-rated" when it comes to dating and marriage. Basically, he said that if a woman has big breasts and is quiet, he could fall in love with her. "I love you, I promise you I do!" were his exact words :-)

He also said that all women want a rich man. He made the point that not all women will get one, and noted that we'd still marry a non-rich man if we're in love - but according to him, all women WANT one.

Joy Behar objected to that, and said it was just as easy to fall in love with a poor man as it was to fall in love with a rich one. That may be true...but which would you prefer?

The basic topic of discussion was about what we seek in a partner and why. Men want to be with a beautiful woman, no matter how "smart" she may be, and women want to be with a man who can provide for her and her family, no matter how smart he is...or in some (most) cases...even what he looks like. Agree?

It was suggested that women have an inherent need or desire to seek a man who can provide for her and her family. Women instinctively want to be protected and cared for - so it's in our "nature" to seek out the alpha male who can provide and protect - and in most cases, that means money. My question to you all is - do you believe that to be true - and if so, at what point does wanting a man to provide for you turn into "gold digging?"

It was also suggested that men don't necessarily care how intelligent a woman is, especially if she's beautiful. DL said men need women to appreciate them and make them feel good about themselves; and as long as she cheers him on and validates him, she doesn't necessarily need to work or be smart. He will gladly be "the man" as long as he has someone beautiful to come home to who makes him feel like "the man" that he is.

So tell me...what say you? Any truth to ANY of this - or is it all nonsense? Or a bit of both. Let's hear it!

Go!

-b

Happy Monday!

I hope you all had a great weekend, and I hope all the dads out there had a wonderful Father's Day! So much so, that I wanted to pass along yet another blog by an awesome father...with a slightly different take. I wish I had an extra day last week to get this one in, but who said we have to smoosh all the daddy posts into one week of the year!? So with that said, here's another great blog by another great daddy - Mr. E. Payne from Makes Me Wanna Holler!

'Twas a few days before Father's Day and all through the house,
Everyone was a sleep except this lively mouse.
I stared at the ceiling, wide awake as could be,
Getting up several times with the urgent need to pee.
But that's not what had me wide-eyed in the night,
It was what transpired a few hours earlier, a very caustic fight
Between a teen at the end of his rope, the victim of course...

Enough with the rhyming. Before the clock struck midnight, my son very clearly informed me (who at the time was boiling over with frustration) that I wasn't his dad. I was just his step-dad.

Here's a little secret: I've been dreading those words for years.

But I laughed. Can you believe it? Maybe it was a defense mechanism; maybe it was because I had many more words to say than him. Maybe my bottle was corked just a bit tighter than his in my effort to always embrace reason and seek the positive.

But that doesn't mean I didn't react.

The Man caught an adrenaline rush, pushed the Dad and Husband out of the room, and stared down flesh not even half my age. The flimsy knife the boy had brought to the Man's gunfight broke against the man's older, wrought-iron skin.

The boy...ahh, the boy...a boy I've known for a very, very long time....the boy in the big body...he's still just a boy...he proved that more than ever before...

Then it was the Man's turn...

But the Wife was there to keep the The Man from pulling his trigger, neutralizing and reminding him where he was and who he also is. She went to find the Dad even though it took her nearly four hours to do so. I assume she probably suffered the most in the midst of the chaos. I apologized, but she insisted I did nothing wrong.

The Wife convinced the Husband to come to bed. But the Man couldn't sleep and the Dad all but disappeared until the sun rose. He washed his face, shaved and emerged to face the day at peace and filled with the awareness of the teachable moment he now stands in and the structure that must now and forevermore be employed. Eerily, I'm at peace. I kinda figured the day would come. You just know as an outsider trying to become an insider (even once you're inside) that the day will come --- whether it's sooner or later. God bless those who've remained unscathed.

I am the step-dad: The dad who STEPPED-UP to do what another man never had the courage to pursue. Although meant as a slight. I actually take it as a compliment. Go figure?

Step-dads STAND UP! You have to contend with so much more than those who come by it naturally.

My hat is off to you.

Be blessed.

- E. Payne

To find out how things worked out between E. and his son, check out MakesMeWannaHoller!

TGIF!

Closing out the week is our resident "playlist" expert and NOLA boy - D to the Moe! Thanks again to all of the fathers who have shared their experiences with us this week - and who reminded us that there ARE fathers in our communities who love, take care of, guide, teach, protect, nurture and uplift our children every day. I am in awe of you all, and feel truly inspired by your words and sentiments. I am blessed to know each of you! Your children couldn't ask for better Daddies!


This Little Girl's Daddy...by DMoe.

As Father's Day approaches, I'm reminded of all the reasons why I'm fortunate to be "this little girl's daddy." My daughter and I have a pretty good understanding of how things work. For example, if she and I are riding in the car, and we hear Prince's "Pop Life," I sing Prince's part - "Don't ya know straight hair ain't got no curl..," and she chimes in with Wendy's background, "No curl!" It's automatic.

But there are many other nuances that make us who we are. For all the challenges I face as I do my best to raise her, it's the little things that make the journey a fun, rewarding one. I'm invested in her future in many ways other than the 529 College Savings Plan, or the allowance she's told to save for books when she's on her way there. One of the most important things that I'm trying to teach is the approach to life.

Happy Hump Day!

Today is Day 3 of our Father's Day posts this week. Without further adieu, give it up to Austin "Powerz" Williams - Daddy extraordinaire to Jada, Aaron and baby Sophia! Let's go!

I am a Father. Better yet, I’m a Daddy...by Austin Williams.

fa•ther : A male person whose sperm unites with an egg, resulting in the conception of a child

I have 3 wonderful children. With that said, I am a Father. Better yet, I’m a "Daddy." When someone says you fathered a child, your responsibility can stop there and you will have still “fathered” that child. Think about it……

I can go on and on about how my kids instill more in me than I instill in them; how they teach me to be humble and grateful for what I have; how to enjoy every moment because time stops for no one. Every crawl, every step, every word creates a new memory that causes you to appreciate life that much more. But I won’t.

What I will do is tell you that I have lived many lives, and like Cable Guy, had to get a divorce in order to give my children a better life. I also tried to work on a marriage that was not meant to be. I listened to others and tried to stick it out for the kids, but I too realized they would not truly appreciate “daddy” if he did not have anything left to give. By mutual agreement, we separated - and now my kids get to enjoy their father...I mean Daddy. They let me know that in their own way: Gymnastics when my daughter says “Look at me DADDY.”

Baseball as my son hits it in the outfield, “Did you see that DADDY?”

Happy Monday!

This weekend is Father's Day weekend, so like last year, I'm reaching out to all the dads I know to contribute a blog post each day leading up to their special day. While both mothers AND fathers are special, I feel that men don't always get the same "shine" that the women do - so I'm giving the fathers a chance to share what being a daddy means to them in their own words.

First up - The Cable Guy! Show him some love!

Being a Baby Daddy...by The Cable Guy.

Some days I look at my son and wonder how I got here. One day, I was hanging with my boys, playing Xbox, hollerin' at the honeys...and the next, I was a baby daddy. Just like that. It happened overnight it seems, and at the time I was terrified. “How am I gonna do this?” I thought. What kind of father was I going to be?

Answer: I kick ass!

But I didn’t at first.

I got a text message saying she was a week late. Yes, a TEXT MESSAGE. At first I thought it was a mean joke - perhaps an April Fool’s joke...in August. I called her telling her to stop playing, only to realize she wasn’t. Not cool.

A text message...really?

We had been “dating” for only a few months, and I didn’t even know what her favorite color was. So finding out that I was going to be the father of a child whose mother I barely knew was mind boggling to me. No, our contraception didn’t fail...because there was none. We had been careful up until the shower...cuz bringing condoms into the shower is...well...who does that? I should have. I didn’t.

One missed period later and I was planning a shot gun wedding at the “suggestion” of her very religious father. Again, not the smartest decision I’ve made, but I wanted to do the right thing and “make an honest woman” out of his daughter. Guess he never pictured her ass up in the shower, but I wasn’t gonna tell him how his future grandson was conceived.

The moment I found out I was going to have a son, my world changed. Now I’d be responsible for raising a boy to be a man. At 25 years old, I wasn’t sure I was a man myself, and now I would be held accountable for making sure my son became one. The moment he took his first breath and was placed in my arms, I grew up. I wish I could say I was grown before that moment, but I wasn’t. The world was scary now, and I was his daddy. I wanted to protect him and guide him. I wanted to be a better man.

Being a better man meant being honest with myself. I wasn’t happy as a husband, but I was ecstatic as a father. I didn’t care about not being “cool” anymore. It didn’t matter to me that chicks were checking me out even though I smelled like baby puke or had spitup on my shirt or was carrying a “very manly” baby bag. I was bummed when I found out he had rolled over for the first time and I missed it because I was at work. I never wanted to miss any of my baby’s special moments or milestones, and each little smile or laugh or clap had me beating my chest with pride.

But I had to swallow that pride and admit that our marriage, that never should have happened, wasn’t working. I felt like a failure, and I didn’t want to be part of the stats of black families that have fallen apart. But I didn’t feel like I could be the best father I could be while being miserable. Yes, maybe I should have stuck it out, tried harder to make it work, or just sucked it up to my own stupid mistake and deal with it like a man. But I didn’t want my son to grow up to be the type of man who settles - the type who makes mistake after mistake without learning his lessons. I wanted my son to be happy, and to see his parents happy - and the only way I could teach him that was to separate from his mother.

It wasn’t just my decision – she was unhappy too. We made the decision to split together and explained to our parents that we’d make a better team as parents who lived apart, than as parents who coexisted miserably together. They didn’t support it at first, but now they get it.

Now, my son is thriving in a family where the parents have a mutual respect for one another, who both love him unconditionally, and who only have his best interest at heart. I can tell he’s happier, because WE are happier. And even though we have very different parenting styles sometimes, it seems to work because we communicate as friends, not as bickering exes who hate each other. My son only knows joy, not fighting or misery.

It took me making a hard decision to become a kickass father. I’m taking responsibility for him as well as my own actions and happiness. And as I continue to learn how to do that with every day that goes by, it’s turning me into the man that I hope he one day becomes.

-Rob

TGIF!

I was out for 2 days and this week STILL felt long as hell! It's the weekend!

Friday Sexy Survey

1. Top or bottom?

2. Tongue or no tongue?

3. Eyes open or closed? Do you like to watch?

4. Does size matter?

5. Celebrity you'd most like to kiss?

6. At what age was your first kiss? How was it?

7. Do you have a Booty Call List? How many people are on it?

8. Ever have any same sex fantasies?

9. Do you think porn can enhance a relationship, or emotionally starve one?

10. Break-up sex is ______________

Go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!


Here are a few pics from my DR trip that I jacked off of other people's FB pages :-)








Great times! I wish I was back there :-)


- My awesome nephew Kyce graduated from Kindergarten this past Tuesday! Congrats to my baby!



This is my other sweet baby PRETENDING like he's graduating. He wants to be just like his big brother! This will be him NEXT year, God willing :-)

This is just them being cool :-)

How beautifully adorable is Annamaria and Austin's baby Sophia?! I just wanna squeeze her!

Yes, this seems to be the "all pics" edition of Random Thoughts Thursday :-)

- I'm meeting my cousin Kristin today for the first time as an adult. The last time I laid eyes on her, I think she was 5 years old. I'm SO EXCITED to see her tonight!

- Why does everyone want President Obama to get "mad"? The minute he does some "ass kicking," they call him "street" and say, "Oh yes, he's really Black" - as if getting "mad" is the equivalent of being Black. Pure f*ckery.

- Calling all DADS!!! I'm looking for guest bloggers for Father's Day week! I already have a blog from D. Murray...so who's next? Like last year, I want to post blogs from fathers who tell us in their own words what it means to them to be a dad. I feel that most fathers don't get the shine they deserve, so I want to spotlight you all on my blog. So Powerz, Dre, E. Payne, DMoe, Floyd (new dad!), Cable Dude - let's hear it!

- Sherri Sheppard is wearing her hair all "Snooki" on The View today. She's a buffoon.

- Usher is performing on The View though, so that makes me feel better :-) He's still so sexy to me. O.M.G.! There goes my baby! ;-)

- Deebo worked us good last night...I needed that workout in the worst way! Now I just need to get my diet plan back on track.

- I smell good today :-) I never think to spritz myself with perfume, but today I did...I need to do it more often...just for me.

- My hair is getting fuzzy. Time to take the braids out.

- I'm paying off 3 credit cards today....YEAH!

- I hope to have a fun summer. I want to be out and about and do EVERYTHING!

- Annamaria is having a Pleasure Party this weekend. I plan on getting a whole bunch of goodies ;-)

- Brian's Random Thoughts Thursday Throwback!

- Speaking of Brian, he has a favor to ask! He works for a marketing agency and needs 100 people to take this survey on dental health. I completed the survey and it took me 10 minutes to do. It's easy and it would help him out a great deal! The survey is intended for African American women ages 23-30 - but all are invited to take it! If you fall within that demo, please complete the survey - feel free to forward to all of your friends who also fall within that demographic. The survey needs to be completed by Friday at 11am. It would mean a lot if you could take a few minutes to help him out. Thanks so much!


Go!

-b

This is just wrong on SO many levels....WTF??

Discuss amongst yourselves...I'll be back tomorrow for Random Thoughts Thursday!

-b

Happy Monday!

I'm out of the office today, and Rameer is my guest blogger - so this is the ONLY reason I have ANYTHING Kobe related on my blog today. While I admittedly am not his biggest fan, I have nothing against the Lakers. I couldn't care less who wins, and both teams are worthy - but I've said I feel the Lakers will take it...and Rameer can articulate why. So with that said...

The Top 10 Reasons The Lakers Will Beat The Celtics...by Rameer Green.

I'm writing this after Game 1 - and this series will more than likely be a long, hard-fought series. But allow me to infuse y'all with some reality amongst all the hate, hype and hyperbole...

1. THE PHIL FACTOR. I don't know what's up with people not wanting to admit this man is a basketball genius, but you don't get 10 rings being a "decent" coach. Oh, people like to say "Well, he had Jordan AND Kobe" - and? Other coaches have had greats - West, Bird, Kareem, Dr. J, Magic, Moses, etc. - the only one I see in Phil's neighborhood is Red Auerbach. No one disavows HIS coaching skill, now do they?

You still gotta WIN GAMES. And Phil is a master at getting the best out of talent. What other coach would have Shannon Brown as a key contributor? The same Shannon Brown who couldn't make Cleveland's roster (yes, with LeBron) and couldn't get any time for the Charlotte Bobcats?

And his mind games are so smooth...witness Game 1. Leading up to the game, all he talked about was how intense and tough the Celts would be. So what happens? The refs call the game UBER-tight, the Celts tone down their usual intense, tough, physical gameplay, and it's THE LAKERS who come out trying to chump fools! Classic Phil - he set that thing up all week with his comments. Even Doc Rivers couldn't believe how soft his tough guys played...but he fell for it too. Sitting Kendrick Perkins down for long stretches even though he wasn't in foul trouble so he didn't get another possible tech...

Phil is the man. Oh - and for those who don't know - he's 47-0 all-time in series that he's won game 1. Sort of like last night...

2. HOME COURT ADVANTAGE. Funny how people like to ignore it when it doesn't favor their team or the team they're rooting for. Truth is this - the Lakers are overwhelmingly good at home, haven't lost at home in the playoffs in 2010, and are 28-3 at home over the past 3 seasons.

Um...yeah.

3. PAU GASOL. Seriously...I think the majority of these fail monkeys don't watch any games, just ESPN highlights. Everyone wants to make it Kobe vs. the Big Three, but there's a very good reason all the experts and analysts keep using the term "best big man in the game" in relation to dude. While I don't agree (I'd put him #2 next to a healthy Tim Duncan), he is truly an awesome force. And yes, he's EQUIVALENT to Kevin Garnett. Garnett is a great player, but he's living off of past reputation at this point - Gasol can get you just as many rebounds, points and blocks - and is a better passer. So really, it's more like The Big Three vs. The Big Two.

4. RON RON PHENOMENON. Have you people forgotten this guy is a former All-Star and former defensive player of the year? Apparently so. IDIOTS (and yes, I'm calling you such if you believed this) stupidly said getting Artest over Trevor Ariza wasn't a good move. Considering it allowed Kobe Bryant to not have to guard the other team's best guard/forward for the first time in over a decade, I'd say it was an EXCELLENT move. And, he's the only dude in the NBA who could possibly intimidate the entire Celtics frontline. Cuz everybody knows - Ron Ron might really flip on you if you test him the wrong way.

Besides - his insistence on mentioning Queensbridge in EVERY PLAYOFF INTERVIEW HE DOES is the funniest, most hood thing I may have ever seen in the NBA Playoffs.

5. THE WOMEN FACTOR. Now, some of you won't like this. Some will say it's sexist, chauvinist, whatever. But it's TRUE, and I don't care...

Whomever a majority of women are cheering for almost never wins in the NBA.

Why? Cuz for every woman I know who knows her ish and can actually offer up good basketball analysis (some of whom are tagged in this note), there are 15 MORE who are rooting for a team because a player is cute, they like the uniform colors, they don't like the opposing team's player, etc. Nothing remotely rational or reasonable for why they "think" a team is going to win - and just cuz you WANT something to happen doesn't mean it WILL. But women seem to forget this for some odd reason.

Fact remains - in my entire life, whenever I see a majority of women cheering for one team over the other...the team they're cheering for RARELY wins. In 2008, most women I know didn't care...now they all care and want the Celts to win?

Thanks for the nail in the coffin, ladies.

6. CONVENIENT AMNESIA. This is what A LOT of people have at this time of year. After the Lakers won last year - and this is a FACT - the entire NBA reacted to trying to match up to beat them. Orlando went and got Vince Carter to have a go-to guard and closer since Hedo Turkoglu wasn't that guy; they also got Brandon Bass and re-signed Martin Gortat to match the Lakers' size. The Cavs grabbed Shaq and brought Jamison in to beat the Magic IN ORDER to get to the Lakers and their size - and had 5 big men to prove it. Boston grabbed Rasheed to have ANOTHER big man to go along KG, Perkins and Davis. Phoenix, Dallas, Miami, Portland, Houston, New Orleans, etc. - it was no secret that teams all made moves to try to keep up with them.

Why would all these teams make roster moves to compete with ONE TEAM? Cuz that team is the obvious #1 team in the league. Don't believe me? - go read some ESPN articles quoting your favorite team's GM.

7. THE REVENGE FACTOR. The Lakers and their fans live for rivalries. The biggest rivalry in all of pro sports - the only one comparable is Yankees-Red Sox - is Lakers-Celtics. And nothing hurts more than losing to them. The entire organization is hell-bent on extracting revenge. Don't let the nice quotes fool you - they want BLOOD.

8. THE BAD GUY FACTOR - Duke basketball. The Dallas Cowboys. NY Yankees. And yes, the L.A. Lakers. These teams are HATED by many. Why? Cuz historically, they WIN. And losers HATE winners. Which is why these teams have so many haters - many people have teams that are nowhere near as successful, and can't stand the teams that are good every year - cuz they wish their team could be that way. Likewise, many people have a subconscious loser's mentality - I'll break that down another day.

But the hated teams are watched by EVERYONE. The people that love them want to see them win; the people that hate them want to watch them lose. In order to maintain your standing as an ultimate Bad Guy Team, you simply have to do one thing - keep winning.

All of the teams I mentioned do that WELL - year in and year out.

9. THE KOBE FACTOR. I saved this one until near the end. I don't care why some of you hate him. It's nonsensical. "He's too cocky/arrogant" - so is every other great player in most sports. By actions and words, LeBron James has proven himself to be much worse than Kobe...but gets nowhere near as much criticism cuz he has cool commercials.

And let me just put it on blast - many Black women still have issues - whether subconscious or conscious - with him marrying a non-Black woman and/or getting caught up with a *white girl* in Colorado. I could care less about their racial hang-ups.

No, this is about people trying to invent reasons every year to discredit one of the 5 greatest players to EVER play the game every year. But the great thing is, haters actually validate his greatness with their need to try to say someone's better. Don't believe me? Here's a list of players who at one time were said to be better than Kobe...and none of them have ever proven themselves to BE better:

Penny Hardaway, Scottie Pippen, Grant Hill, Vince Carter, Tracy McGrady, Chris Paul, Lebron James, Paul Pierce, Michael Finley, D.Wade, Ray Allen, Kerry Kittles.

The only dude who is his peer is Tim Duncan. This dude is the greatest player of his generation. The only dude you can seriously compare him to is Jordan - and it doesn't even matter if he's better. The point is - this dude is so good you don't even THINK to mention Magic, Bird, Dr. J, etc. when putting him in historical context?!?

Hate him all you want. He's THE BUSINESS. And every NBA player freely admits it - past and present. Do you haters really think EVERY PLAYER AND COACH IS LYING? ALL THESE YEARS??

Respect greatness. Chumps.

10. THE RAMEER FACTOR. Oh, you didn't think I'd leave MYSELF out of this, did you? Lmao...fact is, since I've been a young adult - I'd say from 17 and on - my closest family and friends know one thing for certain about me - I'm usually right when it comes to sports I watch. And if I don't know or don't have a good idea, I don't offer my opinion. No, I'm not right all the time - no one is. But my Dad freely admits - as he puts it - I "know my ish." He freely takes my words, adopts my predictions and says them to his friends, and laughs at them when he's right. I especially tend to pick the NFL, NBA and college football right. Used to be college basketball, but I haven't been that good in the past 3 years...but basically, since I actually am a stat nerd, analyze stuff to the most minute detail, and actually WATCH THE GAMES regularly...I will confidently say (cuz history bears out that it's true) that I'm right way more than the average fan/viewer, and that I tend to be right way more than even most experts. And I NAME the experts that are usually better than me at making picks (Kenny Smith on TNT may get clowned, but that dude knows his ISH).

I'll never let it be forgotten I called the New Orleans Saints out as this year's Super Bowl Champions before any team even played a single preseason game. My girl Juanita ran with that pick all year as soon as I made it, and wound up looking like a GENIUS to all her male friends down in DC. They have no idea she simply listened to me and acted like it was her own pick.

And yes - I've won A LOT of money off of people due to this. Which is why I can't get anyone close to me to bet me any more. Oh - and I'll freely admit I was wrong in 2008 - I couldn't foresee the Celtics chumping Gasol and Odom like that.

There you have it. For the record - for those who don't know - I PREDICTED Lakers-Celtics before the season began, once Boston signed Rasheed Wallace. And, I predicted Lakers in 7 back then...and I stand by my prediction. Now, I may not be right on the number of games - but I'm pretty sure I'll be right on the eventual winner.

And you'll know when I'm right - cuz you'll regret the day you opened your mouth and told me I'd be WRONG. No one rubs it in like the god.

So, to all Celtics fans - go drown your sorrows in some Lucky Charms or somethin'. To all Kobe haters - keep it up. Remember - He *loves* you.

-Rameer

TGIF!!!

I got that title from our very own AnnaJolia today. I didn't have a clue as to what I was gonna blog about - and I spent the entire morning messing around on email with her and my future baby daddy instead of thinking of a topic...until she said that. So thank you Annamaria!

So with that, here is a list of things I feel everyone should know before they bone.

1. You should know if the other person is married or not. Now, if you don't care, then you can just skip to number 2. But if you DO care, then finding out a person's marital status is important if you're not trying to be Alicia Ke...I mean, a home wrecker :-) (just jokes...kinda...)

2. You should know the other person's STD status. As uncomfortable as it may be, you have to ask. Telling the person YOUR status first is a good way to get them to tell you theirs. Say something like, "I just want you to know before we get down that all my tests were negative the last time I went to the doctor, so I just wanted to give you that assurance. When was the last time you got tested?" If they seem hesitant to tell you, then that means their dirty azz probably hasn't gone in a while, or they just got done hittin' somebody else raw and they're not sure...or they don't care. Sexual health should be important to everyone, and if someone gives you the impression that it's not important to HIM/HER, then RUN! FAST!

3. You should know what kind of protection you'll be using and who will be providing it. Don't assume that he's gonna bring something, or that she's on the pill. The worst thing is getting all hot and heavy and then no one has anything and you have to put your passion on ice. Or even worse, you make a bad decision in the heat of the moment to not use protection simply because it's not available. Have the talk about birth control before you get butt nekkid so that no one winds up burning or knocked up.

4. This may sound obvious, but you should know how to have an orgasm before you have sex. Hear me out. The reason I say this is because so many women don't know their own bodies or what pleases them, so they don't know how to tell someone else how to please them. If you're having sex with someone for the first time, chances are he doesn't know that your spot is right behind your left ear. He may not know that you don't like fingers, or that you like it slow and sensual instead of fast and furious. If you don't know how to please yourself, how can he? Same goes for men. Tell her what gets you off. You'd be surprised how many people have sex just to have it without actually enjoying it...all because they never took the time to explore their own bodies. It's important to know what feels good to you before you can show another person what feels good to you.

5. Lastly, this is a no-brainer to most of us - but you should know your partner before you have sex. Now, again...if all you're looking for is a one night stand, then this is the end of the blog post for you. But if not, then it helps to know if the man or woman you're about to get busy with is crazy, a homicidal maniac, bi-polar, schizo, has a history of mental illness in his family, is an ax murderer, a jailbird, GAY, broke, slept with your sister, has kids, a job, hypertension, 11 fingers, allergies to fish, a crazy baby mama or daddy, all his teeth, etc. You'd be surprised how many people rush to have sex with someone ONLY to find out that they did a bid in the joint for armed robbery AFTER the fact. Do your research and ask questions FIRST...then get booty butt nekkid :-)

Feel free to add yours - Go!

Have a great weekend and I'll see you all on Wednesday (unless someone wants to guest blog for me Monday and Tuesday....jus sayin)

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- I had a GREAT time in DR! I miss Denise and Martha already :-(

- So sad to be back :-(

- I'm a chocolate drop right about now....owwww!

- Did I mention I'm sad to be back at work? :-(

- I'm swimming in emails instead of the ocean....sigh.

- I wanna go on vacation again.

- I didn't take ONE picture while in DR. I'm just gonna steal them off of Facebook like I did last year :-)

- Was sad to hear about Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper. RIP.

- I miss my family...including my cat. I can't wait to see them this weekend!

- My baby Kyce graduates from kindergarten next Tuesday! I'm so proud of him!

- I will be out again on Monday and Tuesday, so I'm taking applications for guest bloggers :)

- I have a huge bruise on my arm from playing football in the pool. Those mofo's were cheating! And so violent! Loved every minute of it though. And my arms were KILLING me yesterday!

- I worked out in DR - did Zumba AND went to the gym...I'm proud of myself! I gained 2 lbs while I was there between all the food and drinking, etc. but I can knock that out in a week. We have Deebo tonight and I'm actually looking forward to it!

- I'm so glad the summer is here!

- Thank you for all the well wishes and prayers for safe travels over the weekend. That means so much to me - you all are so awesome!

- Did I mention I hate that I'm back at work today? :-)

- And now for Brian's RTT Throwback joint:



Go!

-b

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