Tuesday, February 2, 2010
You can probably guess by the title of my post that it's TMI Tuesday. Don't be alarmed folks, it's just a title.
But that's not to say there's no truth to it ;-)
Now before you throw yourself all into a tizzy, I haven't lost my damn mind. I know that condoms are necessary all the time. One bareback ride could be a death sentence, and I'm very well aware of that. And as loud as my clock is ticking, I'm not trying to turn up preggers either.
That being said, you can't tell me that latex on your sensitive skin down there feels natural - man OR woman. I'm just keepin' it 100...y'all know I'm right. I know they make condoms that feel like "nothing" - or so they say - but I haven't used one yet that felt as good as hot, throbbing flesh against my...
....whew! gettin' hot in here?
(fanning myself)
Anyway, like I was saying - men are assumed to be the only ones who have a problem with the feel of a latex glove choking the life out of them from the shaft up. But let me clue some of you into something...women don't like the feel of it either. We probably hate it MORE than men do. Why? Because nothing is worse than a man who is too clueless to realize that you may not be as lubed as you should be, and continues to pound away at you until the hot rubber starts a small forest fire on your va jay jay. Then, when we get up to pee, it burns like the dickens cuz y'all asses made it red and raw down there and now our sh*t is all jacked up and knocked out of whack for a couple days til it heals.
Sorry, had to rant about that for a sec.
But that's not what I wanted to really talk about. What I really wanted to get your opinion on was when - and more importantly HOW - does the topic of unprotected sex come up? Now, this doesn't apply to jump-offs and fuck buddies, or even friends with benefits. With them, the condom stays put at ALL TIMES. Period.
But what about the guy/girl you've been seeing for 6-12 months? The sex is good, but you know it could feel SO MUCH BETTER skin to skin.
Men: Please don't tell me it happens like this:
(all hot and heavy, poking at her butterfly wings, too late to turn back now...)
Man: "Do you have condoms?"
sskkkkkrrrrrr (sound of brakes screeching)
....let me stop you right there - huh?
Men - asking a woman if she has condoms at that moment doesn't make you seem NON-presumptuous when it comes to sex - it makes you seem stupid. If you're over 25, then you're grown enough to know to carry at least ONE condom on you at all times. What we REALLY think when a man doesn't have a condom is that he's prepared to hit it raw...not that he didn't assume you were having sex. Grow up.
Woman: "No, I don't"
Again with the foolishness.
A woman should have a standard issued condom somewhere in her possession. Maybe not always in her purse, but definitely in her house/apartment. And chances are, she probably does and just SAYS she doesn't.
Why? Two reasons:
1) Because she doesn't wanna appear to be a ho - because sadly enough, there are still men who exist who think that simply because a woman has condoms in her possession, she's some sort of strumpet.
OR
2) She only has Magnum XL's left over from the LAST dude she was sleeping with and she's already seen/felt your man meat and knows the condom is too big for you - so she won't embarrass you by offering you one that she knows won't fit you. Sometimes y'all play yourselves thinking you can fill a Magnum, and that we don't know with one glance what you're working with. Trust me, we KNOW...and we don't need any slip-ups...or "off's."
Ladies: Hopefully the decision not to use condoms doesn't go like this either:
"It's okay, I'm on the pill."
Again I say...huh?
Da hell are you talking about "I'm on the pill?" ...And?
Last time I checked, the pill didn't protect against the Clap. And if a dude falls for that line or sees it as an invitation to hit it raw, then he's just as much an idiot as she is. It's not about a baby...it's about herpes! With the pill, the patch, the IUD and Plan B, women have that baby thing on lock - and women who don't want to get pregnant...DON'T. But there ARE trifling ass women out there who know your dumb asses will fall for that crap - so be smart. Most women with a bit of sense don't want your snotty nosed, rusty behind babies anyway. They just wanna feel some hot, non-latex friction! Make sure you know which one you're dealing with.
This blog is getting long, so let me try to get to my point.
Yes, using condoms is a necessary evil in most cases - whether it's sexual encounter #1 or #100. But when two people decide to become exclusive, it's only natural that the glove will come off at some point. This is when a real conversation is necessary. For some reason, I think people are afraid to have that "talk" - so instead, they invent ways to accidentally go raw without discussing the implications or consequences of that decision. Saying, "I'm on the pill" isn't answering the question, "How would you feel if we got pregnant right now?" Or asking, "Don't you trust me?" doesn't answer the question, "Are you having sex with anyone else besides me?" People either don't want to ask the REAL questions when it comes to sex and relationships, or they say what they THINK the other person wants to hear.
One of the perks of a flourishing, monogamous relationship isn't simply having sex without condoms - but also having honest conversations about sex and intimacy. A moment of lust shouldn't be a factor in your decision making when it comes to having unprotected sex. Trust and a mutual understanding of the consequences of that act and what it means to both of you SHOULD be. Don't avoid the conversation because you think NOT using a condom is a deal breaker, or because you think USING condoms means he or she doesn't trust you. Whether you decide to use them up until marriage, or even well INTO marriage, make sure it's a decision you both made TOGETHER for the right reasons....not because you didn't wanna make a run to CVS in the middle of the night. It's better to have "the talk" than end up burned or knocked up.
Cuz that's just not fun for anybody.
-b
72 comments:
FIRST BITCHES. YEAH BOI
Dammit Stephanie!
Anyway, Brooke, you had me crackin up with the whole "forest fire on the va jay jay" comment, cuz that's SO TRUE!!!
Personally, these days, condoms have to stay on AT LEAST until marriage, if not longer. No dick is worth dying over.
Brooke you are hilarious. I have to agree we HATE condoms more than men do. I have had many a fire due to lack of lub. It is the lub that dries us out. It is not natural and confuses the va jay jay. It can also be desensitizing as well. Let us be real NOTHING beats RAW. If you use non- lubricated and depend on your natural um um essence condoms are not so bad. Although Trojan thin and sensitive are pretty darn close. I think the conversation needs to happen in the beginning, this way there are no misunderstandings. Something like " once we been dating a few months and are exclusive we both need to get tested once a year so the condoms can come off. People do not want to have the conversation because they feel it may make them look slutty or promiscuous. Hiding behind the pill is a sorry ass excuse to avoid the necessary conversations’ that can save your life. You should never depend on anyone else for your sexual health and safety. Always carry a condom in your bag and have a multipack at home because "hey you never know".
Brooke, you are so funny. A forest fire down there doesn't sound like alot of fun :)
But I love that you brought this up, because I think alot of times people don't really have a "discussion" about beginning to have unprotected sex - it just kind of "happens."
We take for granted that the person we're with gets regular check-ups, or isn't having sex with someone else, or we don't know what their stance is on pregnancy, abortion, birth control etc. We deal with those issues when they arise, not beforehand like grown folks are supposed to. I've been guilty of this in the past, but quickly learned thru a couple of scares that unprotected sex isn't worth any risks - no matter what they are.
Besides, there's an inherent belief for some women that if we have sex with them without a condom, it means we're exclusive. Ladies - NOT TRUE. Be careful and protect yourselves from dudes who have no problem runnin up in you raw, cuz chances are, you ain't the only one. Jus sayin.
Funny, but real blog Brooke!
Nothing is worse than the "condom dry-out." I agree, I think we hate it more than men do. But unfortunately, it's necessary. And in most cases, necessary up to, and INCLUDING marriage. While I think you shouldn't have to use condoms with your spouse, nowadays you can't be too careful. I don't know how I'll handle it once I get to that point, but the condoms are staying ON at least til I walk down the aisle.
I've had that "talk" with boyfriends before, and it's not anywhere near as scary as people think. I don't see why people would consider it taboo, but it's necessary to see where you stand in your relationship and what you both expect from each other. If one of you isn't ready to do that, then the other one should be understanding, and you should discuss the pros and cons of it. Only when you both are ready should you take that step. Until then, be safe.
I have the perfect solution for the “FVS” (Fiery VaJayJay Syndrome).
Women, bust your nut in 2 minutes.
Men, let's be generous and bust our nut in 3 minutes.
Once we are all "nutted" out, everyone can go to sleep or smoke a cigarette like they do in the movies!
Just think of the benefits of the 2/3 minute plan. Doing so will reduce the friction caused by latex on skin and eliminate the need for lube. :-) Wow!!!!
If only it were that easy :-)
Who the hell busts a nut in 2 minutes?? If a man does, he's wack. If a woman does, she has help ;) No man has ever made me cum in 2 minutes...EVER!! LOL!!
Stef,
I agree with you that 2 minute shit is GARBAGE! That's why we are going the extra mile. We are getting it in for 3 WHOLE minutes!!!!! That's GANGSTA!
that's WACK!!! Clearly a woman would never experience the "condom dry-out" with "anonymous." LOL!
Y'all are funny :)
Brooke, your blog was hilarious, but so true! I'll be the first to admit that I've never always had "the talk." The condoms just came off after several months and I hoped for the best. Thank God nothing bad ever happened as a result, but I'm too old to be that foolish now. Now, I'm a condom carrying fool! And yes, I have a variety pack! I'm not ashamed of it, it actually makes it more fun!
Condoms aren't so bad when you think of the alternative. I'd rather have a forest fire down there than be burning FOR REAL! LOL!
LMAO @ anonymous!
Condoms are always a must up until marriage and possibly including marriage! Nothing infuriates me more than a man that does not have one when its time to do "the do". You are absolutely right Brooke, we do not think its presumptious... we think you have sex with women regularly without condoms. NOT COOL! If you happen to think that not bringing a condom will up your chances of not using one, then you will end up taking a cold shower. The reality is that when you have sex with someone, you are sleeping with any and everyone they've ever slept with. Safety first :-)
I got hot just reading Brooke say she likes it raw and likes hot, throbbing flesh. Whew!
Something tells me it would feel great with or without a jimmy with Ms. Brooke - damn!
Okay, but seriously, as much as we hate them, it's necessary. But I still think people need to ask each other the real questions because condoms break. Not often if you know what you're doing, but you need to know what you both expect from each other in case an accident happens. Just because you use condoms doesn't mean you don't go get tested or use other forms of birth control. Condoms aren't 100%, just like anything else.
And to anonymous - 2-3 minutes just can't cut it. I don't even think I can cum in that little bit of time with a condom on! LOL!
LOL @ Stef for that one. Yea I dont understand dudes who do ask women for condoms since it would offend most as if they have sex on the regular.
Oh look who it is, my guest blogger boo! LOL!!
I keep condoms on me, but still - bring your own! To me, that screams either CHEAP or NASTY! You ain't gettin none from me without it, so carry your ass to the store! LOL!
Is it even possible for a woman to cum in 2 minutes? My record is 6 minutes but I have an amazing toy that can accomplish that.oops TMI.
I always assume that a man wouldn't WANT to use any condoms that a woman has simply because he'd be afraid it was "tampered" with. I've heard horror stories of dudes that got caught out there with "needle poked" condoms. Wouldn't he have better peace of mind by simply using condoms he KOWS haven't been messed with, old or the right size?
I understand that you all think safety first, but one of my questions was WHEN and HOW do you talk about NOT using them? Some of you are in monogamous relationships right? Do you keep them on until marriage or is there a time when you feel it's ok not to use them? And if so, how do/did you bring it up?
@Brooke,
You are TOTALLY on point with that thinking. If I bring the condom, I know it's the right one for ME. That's not to say I won't take HER needs into account (lubricated, flavored, etc.), but most men have their favorites and knows what works before them.
If anything, do the condom shopping together - but the man should always provide them. Just my opinion on that.
As for when the conversation should happen, I think most couples should wait AT LEAST 6 months to a year before they even consider that. Not everyone is the same, and some relationships can progress faster than others - but I just think you really need to know and TRUST the person you're having unprotected sex with and that you should definitely be in a committed relationship before you go there. Most likely, if you've discussed being exclusive, that should be the next conversation to have. If you both agree, then cool. If not, then you have to take your time and be patient til you both are ready. Basically I'd mention that we should get tested together, whether the condoms come off or not, and then I'd bring up other methods of birth control if she's not using it already. I'd discuss children, when we'd be ready, and what would happen if we DID get pregnant by accident.
Cable Guy raises a good point. These things should all be discussed whether you decide to have unprotected sex or not.
I meant to type "best for them"
excuse the typos!
I'm seeing a guy now and we've been together for a while and we've talked about it. We use condoms and have decided to do so until we get married, IF we get married. It's just easier that way. I can't say they've caused any forest fires so far :)
But we both HAVE gotten tested anyway, just in case anything happens. I'm not taking any other types of birth control, so we've had the pregnancy talk too. He knows abortion isn't an option for me, and at our ages, we're both old enough and responsible enough to be parents if that were the case. The conversation was easy, and grown up people shouldn't have a problem having discussions like this.
Thats good that you guys have that communication on that and Stef its possible. Its just that the guy has to know what he's doing and what spots to hit
But then again everyone is different
Are you offering to show me Chris? LOL!! I'd test that out with you!
Having an orgasm is possible in 2 minutes or less, it's happened. It can happen EASILY with a good toy, and a man would DEFINITELY have to be skilled in order to do that ;)
It's about learning your partner's body and paying attention.
Ms. Penn, good stuff...and Jay, as always I love your responses :)
I once accepted a condom from this woman and it had a rip in it, right thru the foil wrapper! I was like WTF!? I still to do this day think she was trying to get me! She just looked at me like "what?"
Since then, if I don't have one of my own, it ain't goin down!
Condoms are a must, always.
And even with condom use, it is still possible to get herpes because the skin in the surrounding genital area could be shedding the virus. Sadly, there's a huge chunk of the population that has it and doesn't even know. Approx. 60 million Americans have the virus that causes the genital form of herpes and they don't know they have it.
Scary stuff.
Condoms all the time!
Don't nobody want your baby cable dude! LOL!
Anonymous is right - genital herpes can be spread with a condom or without one. That's why you have to be careful and LOOK down there to see what's what! I have no problem examining a man's genitals, and if he doesn't want me to, then that's a problem!
Yes, true about herpes. So are you saying condoms all the time, even after you get married anonymous?
Ok, I step away for a day and ya'll are going raw dawgz now?
What has Fury done to this blog? LOL
I'm down with wrapping it up, ALL DE TIME! Now, once the tests have happened and there's some real commitment shown, then we can talk. And I mean TALK a lot. I'm just paranoid, I guess. Actually, I've let a swipe happen here and there, but I've never really done the "full-on" deed without a condom, now that I think of it.
I've always been a bit of a germaphobe in some instances. This has ALWAYS made me hyper-sensitive to the thought of getting ANYTHING. So yes, I ALWAYS came strapped with women I began a sexual relationship with.
Any time we DID go to raw, we had an in-depth talk. Even after that talk, if I had any doubts, I still stayed strapped. Now maybe this comes from a combination of never wanting to get ANY type of disease or ailment, and my mother telling me she would KILL ME if I got a girl pregnant (my mother didn't use the term kill - so I always believed she was DEAD SERIOUS). But I had a few times in my life a girl would hit me with "I think I might be pregnant". I hit them with that Outkast response:
"Naw...couldn't be me. COULDN'T BE ME..."
Truth be told, not only did I use the condom, but I would pull out if I had to nut too. And I was able to control whether or not I would nut very early (try 16) and how long I can go. That doesn't completely prevent pregnancy, but it sure doesn't HURT.
Up until a few years ago, I got check-ups and complete testing every 6 months. I started the every 6 months when I played football in high school, and never stopped. I JUST got tested last month. I've always been on top of this stuff - and made my sister be, too.
And that not trusting a woman's condoms is REAL TALK. I've NEVER let a woman give me one of her condoms. If I don't have my own, it ain't goin' down - PERIOD. I used to be the king of passing up on the nooni for any reason - if I had any doubt, I won't do it. I don't care if it was Alicia Keys - I gotta feel RIGHT.
Nothing beats raw. And I've def done it raw. But I guess I'm in the minority of heads who always asked "those questions" - I don't care what it made me look like. I wasn't trying to get The YaYa for NOBODY...and I wasn't gonna get no girl preggo. I joke with my brother, cousin and friend - us four would talk, and they used to always say I would be the first one married and the first one with kids cuz of how many girls I could get. And I always said "y'all gonna have kids and marriages waaaaayyyyyy before me".
Two decades later, I was right - which I knew I'd be.
Good blog topic. The burning vajayjay is HILARIOUS...Lmao!
@Jaz
No, I'm sure I'd ditch the condoms after marriage.
Oh, and BTW - orgasm for a woman in two minutes? Can happen - and I've MADE it happen.
TMI? Good - glad it's Tuesday, then...
a "swipe"? LOL!
Be quiet Stef! You know you'd want my baby! LOL!
LOL..ohh man. Really Stef?!! and yea the guy would have to know that other person's body; likes, dislikes etc.
Some women get mad when you do have a condom...
WOMAN: So what? You just KNEW you were getting some ass?
ME: Um, huh?
@Chris,
Sure, why not ;-)
@Craig,
I just assume all men carry condoms, since teenage years. It's just a given to me.
and @Cable dude,
I just threw up in my mouth a lil bit.
My wife and I had the talk before we were married but while we lived together as a couple. We talked, had tests and then stopped using condoms. We understood that we were risking pregnancy even though she was on the Pill. It was very natural for us and was a smooth transition from one to none!
Tony is back! We missed you!
How is it going with wanting another child Tony? :-)
Wow. Great blog today B.
As for the comments, I'm rollin' with Craig on the "what are YOU doin' with a condom, did you think you was gettin' some?" principle. LOL. That one cracks me up.
Also, I ain't using one that she "happens to have". I've heard the horror stories too, but the thought of using the "rest of the unknown 3-pack" makes me cringe.
I'm cool, I'll just bring my own, and its my responsibility anyway.
As for the conversations, I also agree that communication has to be had about all the moving parts involved.
"Doc, what does it mean when fire shoot out my d**k???"
No thanks.
The Notorious S.L.I.M
LOL@DMoe!
Who said that? Eddie Murphy?
I can't remember, but that's funny :)
Well...not funny if it happens to you :)
Here's a TMI question. Has anyone on here ever caught anything and then had to either 1) tell someone they have it or 2) try to figure out who gave it to you?
Let's see who's honest on TMI Tuesday? :)
Thanks! I missed you guys too. My company cracked down on internet usage so that cancelled my blog life..for a second but I'm back now. @Brooke we are definitely trying to get pregnant. Let me say that this phase of parenthood is my favorite!!! How is everyone here?
@Cable Dude,
Why are you always in people bidness?? LOL!!
I've never had to tell a dude I had a disease cuz I've never had one, but I've had a nasty yeast infection before. The worst! So we couldn't get busy for a week.
hey...TMI Tuesday right?
Yeah, there was a time, Captain Cable, where there were a few women who had to come to me and admit they had caught something from the kid. I didn't even know I was a carrier, but after doing due diligence, turns out they were right. They definitely had caught it.
FEELINGS, that is...
LMAO!!!
So this will be kid #6? Good Googly Moogly!!
Yesterday on The View they said that women will have lost 90% of her eggs by the time she's 30. Which means my sh*t is LOW. Maybe I'll take the 15 I have left and freeze them or give them to your wife to carry for me :) Geesh!
@Cable Guy,
Da hell?? :-)
The baby carrying comment was for Tony by the way :)
Rameer, you had me worried for a sec :-)
LMAO! It was too easy of an opening for me to resist...
=)
Ewwwww Stef!!! women gross me out with the whole yeast infection thing! Yuk! how does that even happen??
@Cable Guy,
Before you get all "ewww" - women usually get yeast infections from MEN - either because they pass it from another woman, thru rough sex where bacteria flies all willy nilly, or when you have unprotected sex.
A woman's va jay jay is acidic in nature - which usually kills sperm and other bacteria that grows there, including yeast. That "pre-cum" stuff you all secrete is basic in nature, which neutralizes the ph balance in the va jay jay - thus making sperm able to live in that environment long enough to fertilize an egg. But in neutralizing our stuff, you make it so that other bacteria (yeast) lives and grows out of control too - thus causing a yeast infection. So while we can get one wearing wet clothes too long, or too tight clothes, etc., most women get yeast infections from either the men they're having sex with, or because they were on antibiotics that messed up there ph down there.
You should have learned this is junior high ;)
@Cable Guy,
SO THERE!! She schooled YOU! LOL!
@Brooke,
Good to know! Thanks for the lesson.
you're so smart :-)
Damn DAMN,Captain Cable!!!
If it wasn't Brooke-Ra and she didn't have such a normally cheery, caring disposition...I'd definitely say you just got SONNED on the blog! DIZ-ZAM!!!
Last time a woman read me like that for not knowing/being ignorant of something, I think I curled up in the fetal position and went to church the following Sunday...LMAO!!!
She hit you with one of these:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aJROW6cuEM
I'm late to the party...Who's talkin' 'bout CAULIFLOWER COOCHIE?
@ Brooke yes this would be child number 6. She would carry a baby for you she loves being pregnant!
@Craig,
That's just gross.
@Rameer,
Just tryna educate a young brotha :)
@Tony,
Okay, then sign me up! :)
Hey, I didn't know! Sue me!!!
At least I know now!!
@Brooke,
That was a very good and thorough explanation you gave about women and how we get yeast infections.
And hey, if cable guy didn't know, he didn't know. At least he asked the question, because you'd be surprised how many men have no idea how a woman's body works and the things we go through. Some of them barely know how their OWN bodies work!
Most men assume a yeast infection is some "nasty woman's disease" that we bring upon ourselves by not being "clean" - when that is HARDLY the case. They are so common, and usually reoccurring because of having sex with our partners until our bodies get used to them. I'm glad you gave not only cable guy a lesson, but I'm sure some other folks who may have wondered the same thing - male AND female.
Wow.
That is jive junior high info.
I'm not even tryin' to dis. But I see Stef's point in some of her comments in the past...damn, bruh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aJROW6cuEM
While I'm being ignorant today - where did the term "va jay jay" come from? did women just make that term up? It's cute and catchy, just wondering....
"va jay jay" came from Bailey's character on Greys Anatomy.
It came from Greys Anatomy, the black female doctor said it while giving birth.
It came from Greys Anatomy.
Thanks. I take it all women watch Greys Anatomy? :)
@Cable Guy,
You've been educated my brotha :)
I think I learned that in high school in sex ed - so I was late, but hey, never hurts to ask the question :)
I think I've only seen a few episodes of Greys. Private Practice isn't so bad though. Not a Taye Diggs fan, but Audrey (Audra?) McDonald can get it ANY day :)
@Brooke she said give her a little time to recuperate from the next one and she'll hook you up! My question is who is going to be the daddy?
I have some donors in the works :)
Well just let your donors know that the egg has to be fertilized BEFORE it gets implanted!
Understood, I wouldn't have it any other way! :-)
Understood, I wouldn't have it any other way! :-)
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