Friday, February 12, 2010

150 and Counting...

TGIF Bee-yotches!

To keep the party going with Friday Sexy Singles, who better to feature than the "sessy" diva who came up with the idea in the first place?! She's gorgeous, intelligent, funny and really needs no introduction. You all know and love her, our very own YOLANDA!

Let's get it!

150 and Counting...
by Yolanda

I'm cute. Somedays, I'm kinda fine. I have all my teeth, bathe regularly and I can make more than a few things from scratch. So why am I, at 31 years young, manless and sexless for 150 days and counting? What gives?

Now, I'm not one of those BBWs (Bitter Black Women) who thinks she'll never get married, hates the brothers and has written off ever finding a relationship. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, so I believe...scratch that, I know there has got to be a "Mr." out there somewhere who'll make me a happy "Mrs." Or at least a very happy long-term girlfriend. Sometimes I do wonder if there's something 'wrong' with me. Am I too quiet? Am I not outgoing enough? I've never really been 'that girl.' You know, the one who captures the glances of the men when you go out? In school, I didn't have any boyfriends (I know, cue the violins). Sure, I had a few interested parties sniffing around here and there, I wasn't a total prude. But every budding relationship seemed to fizzle out. In my 20's, I had the epiphany that maybe I just had some daddy issues and managed to pursue unattainable/unavailable men. So, I took a long man-break. But, the pattern seemed to, date, get to know, spend time together, fizzle out...repeat. I've even tried the eHarmony route to no avail.

So here I am, 150 days in and counting. And you know what? I'm alright. I'm not dying. I'm not scouring the streets, looking for a fix. I'm not 'rabbiting' myself to bits everyday. I'm cool. Some days, I don't even think about it. Most days, I'm so overwhelmed with work (or 'finding' work, I should say) or focused on friends/family that I'm not thinking about what or who isn't there. The way I see it, if it's meant for'll be. I admit that I have been making a conscious effort to put myself out there more. I would like to try a little speed dating to challenge myself and see where that goes, but I won't be crushed if it doesn't work out. If my attempts to step outside of my box flop, I'll still be life, enjoying my friends and working on myself. One monkey don't stop no show, right?

And, if all else fails, I do know how to get in touch with some emergency peen!



Anthony Otero said...

First BITCHES!!!!!

JUSTBNME said...

When you least expect it, love WILL find you.

ArrElle said...


Chile you are not alone, I've took a little over a year break from my myself due to the fact that I was always seem to attract unattainable/unavailable men where things just didn't work out. Gurl that can wear your self-esteem thin if you let it in which at that time I did. The last dude I was dayum near chasing for maybe over 1.5 years, mind you he showed me signs, warnings, smoke signals that he just wasn't into me but NOOOOOOO I chased his "so called" busy azz anyway. Well guess what he ended marrying some other woman and that took a emotional toll on me, I was constantly questioning me, myself and I, like what did I do wrong, just going through it. Well now it's over a year later and I feel so much better. Back in August I've meet someone and I can honestly admit that I have a good feeling about him along with me questioning him but time will tell but in the meanwhile I'm going to enjoy him and see what happens. Sorry if I was long winded.

ArrElle said...

Oh Yolanda:

Have reasonable standards don't settle for less, luv yourself FIRST AND FOREMOST, do not treat anyone better than you would treat yourself. Think positive, thoughts and moods. Not all men are dogs, etc. so don't think that because you will do nothing but attract those type of men.

Yolanda said...

Not long-winded at all, ArrElle. Something similar happened to me also, with the guy marrying someone else. I the end though, he did me a favor. Thanks ladies for the advice.

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Yolanda... you done made me come out of my shell with your sexy a$$. I said this to Brooke and I'm saying it to you... I am soooooo sure you can have some anytime you wanted... but I think you're looking for something more. So don't worry about it. you're not too quiet or too anything else... you're just a beautiful black sister!

Now for a plate of friend of friend chicken... I'm for rent for a boyfriend experience! (Cue Musiq's "Forthenight) Why da hell does musiq but all the words together in his songs??? Hmmmmmm

BTW...hey Brooke with the Sexy Smile. Sidenote. Not sure if any of you are a fan of Together AsOne, but Brooke wrote a wonderfu blog on Being in love with love. She has a brother checking train schedules out to Queens. (I got a few messages behind the scenes Brooke...that was a great piece.)

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

that was supposed to be fried chicken!

Brooke said...


Baron, you are so sweet - I'll gladly fry you some chicken! (mine is off the hook too!) ;)

I got a few emails on FB from some of your friends too Pretty Ricky who are fans of TogetherAsOne - thanking me for that blog. I was so touched by that, thank you for allowing me to share!

Yolanda and I are in the same boat I think. We're fine being single, but would love to be in a relationship. I think I thrive in them, but I also find that I'm too busy to worry about the man I DON'T have. Like JustBNME said, love will find us when the time is right. We'll just continue to enjoy life until he rears his pretty head :)

Stef said...

Yolanda!!! You are gorgeous! The men in the DMV must be STUPID!!

But honestly, I find that women who are great catches often take a long time to be "caught" - because men realize they have to step up their game to be with them. The man you're waiting for is simply gettin' himself right for you!

Until then, keep being the "sessy" diva that you are. You're fabulous!

Yolanda said...

Aww thanks, Stef.

Ricky, I was wondering what friend chicken was... thought it was something nasty. :-)

Jay said...


Just as I suspected, you are a beautiful woman - inside and out. You ladies keep good company :)

As for Mr. Right, I echo what everyone else has said - he'll find you when the time is right. If you continue to keep yourself open to the possibilities, the relationship you want and deserve will appear out of nowhere, when you least expect it.

Until then, like Brooke said, continue to live your life and be happy. That's attractive, and men gravitate towards positive women. Your smile proves you're happy, and love will come in due time.

The Cable Guy said...

I knew my girl Yolanda would be a hottie! And she's on Team Cable Guy too, how lucky am I!!??

You're beautiful, and the right guy will come along when he's man enough to be with you. Like my "hater" friend said, men know when we see a "catch" and we also know we need to step our game to be with you. We can't be no slouch when we come at you, so the dude that eventually will snag you will be the MAN that you want and need - not some chump. Just keep being happy and patient and he'll show up before you know it.

Brooke, you got some cute friends :)

Jaz said...

Trust me Yolanda, I know how you feel. For a while, I too attracted, and entertained, men who weren't available, or maybe even that into me. I don't know why we do that, but it's great that you recognize it and take a break to work on yourself. That's what I had to do. The problem couldn't have always been them, it was ME. I had to realize that I deserved better than what I was getting, and that the only way to get what I want is to love myself first and demand more.

Men who aren't avaialable but who continue to get into "new" relationships are TAKERS. But they can't take what we don't GIVE them. So it's worth the wait if it means being with a man who isn't selfish and one who is TRULY available. I'd rather be alone than settle for that nonsense.

So good for you! We're all fine just the way we are, and like everyone said - you're beautiful, smart and a great woman. You won't be single for long :)

Annamaria said...

Yolanda you are beautiful (LOVED the BBW comment). It seems like you have lots to offer a man & when the time is right God will put the right one in your path! Til then rabbit ur ass off! Lol

Rameer The Circumstance said...

I'm gonna seem like the bad guy for saying this - but what else is new...

Where Yolanda lives, it's not just about her being a great catchy and being pretty - she IS definitely both. It's about sheer numbers - if none of you have been down to the DMV area extensively or spent a good amount of time there, it's *crazy*. The ratio of eligible women to men is insane, and I believe that infamous news article and ABC News piece dealt with a woman from that area. I've known even the HERBIEST of dudes go down there and act like/think they're the mack of the year.

So she's in an extraordinary situation - even worse than you guys in The City. Yolanda IS a great woman - but I know a gazillion women in that area. They'll all tell you - it's incredibly hard once you're at or over 30 down there!

Everything most of you have said is true - when the right guy comes along, she'll know, and she shouldn't compromise or lower her standards. But seriously - I feel for all my women down there and in Atlanta. I always say I didn't believe Nia Long's character in The Best Man was realistic - attractive, smart executive with a great personality but hopelessly single - until I started spending a lot of time down there.

Then I noticed women who looked even BETTER than her and were greater people than even that character - HOPELESSLY SINGLE. And some of y'all might trip, but I'm dead serious when I say this - HALLE BERRY would have a hard time finding a good relationship in that area.

Yolanda, you will find a guy in due time. I'm glad you made peace with not having one for the time being, and aren't falling into any self-esteem or image issues. It's not you, it's DEFINITELY THEM. And while the majority of the blog is from NYC, trust - I FEEL YOUR PAIN down there. If we link up next week, I'll introduce you to my best friend. You can have a great convo with her about being a single woman down there...whenever she comes home, people can't understand why she's single cuz she's a great person, pretty, good job, etc. But down there - she's, her and so many others simply outnumber the cats down there, and they KNOW IT and take advantage of it unlike any other dudes in the country.

But when you find him - it's gonna be *great*.

Brooke said...

Damn, if the DMV is worse than NYC, then I definitely feel for you! :-(

Yolanda said...

No offense Meercat. Location definitely plays a role. I have a lot of friends in the same boat... but I've got friends everywhere in the same boat.

Rameer The Circumstance said...

None taken. I know a lot of women go through this - but y'all DOWN THERE??

There's no comparison. And I'm talking from a perspective of a guy who talks to the men AND women. The men's mentality is y'all are there to be their playthings, servants and possessions.

True story! I can name 10 herbs from college who act like *the man* down there after college...but I won't *drop dime* like that.

Brooke said...


Would you ever consider a long distance relationship, or re-locating?

Yolanda said...

I'd probably have to relocate before I'd do the long distance thing. I need to be close. I'm definitely a quality time kinda person.

Of course, the cities that I'd ever consider moving to are still places were lots of us are single. LOL

Brooke said...

I feel the same way. I think women in most major cities are in the same boat as far as men are concerned. Not all, but most.

Stef said...

I love NYC, and the men in it, but they all seem to feel they're God's gift to women. I can only imagine, by Rameer's take on it, how bad the men are in the DMV.

I just don't think most men in major cities see settling down as a favorable thing to do. It's not til they're the old man in the club that they even start to think about it nowadays.

But for some reason, that doesn't stop them from having baby's mamas. Go figure.

Brooke said...

Speaking of NYC (and totally off topic) if anyone knows anyone who is interested - The History Channel is actively recruiting to fill a Production Coordinator position (project freelance) ASAP. They are looking for someone with a couple of years work/production experience, who doesn't mind admin work. Please note that this is an office job, not a job that will include field or studio work.

Tell anyone interested to email me their resume and I'll forward. Thanks!

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Stef - that's just it. As has been touched upon on this blog in the past, thess men in major cities (good point, ladies) feel they're in the driver's seat at all times. And it's unfair to women that, for the most part, we men wake up and decide "damn, I'm getting kind of old - think I'll settle down now". Meanwhile, women are left hurt, scarred, played and confused in the wake of these dudes.

But it's reality. That's exactly what happens a lot of times - dudes saying "I don't want to be the old man in the club - I think I'll take *this one*." I literally hear this from dudes all the time, especially when kicking it with a bunch of them at bar, sports event, barbershop, etc. You hear guys saying "yeah, I figured I'd wife her - I ain't getting no younger. Guess it's time." And you just KNOW there are some women trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with herself that he married THAT CHICK instead of *her*.

I said it a long time ago on this blog - the relationship dynamic is messed up, but in many cases - y'all got it BAD. REAL BAD...Michael Jackson! Lolz...sorry, couldn't help it. Love that line...but I'm being serious. Y'all are in a seriously f'd up situation.

And for the record, in case anyone had the wrong impression...this applies to all women in major cities. They all have it hard - but some have it harder than others. I get a bit pissed when the media (I know, I'm IN the media, but truth is truth) tries to make it like only Black and Latina women have problems. ALL WOMEN have it hard nowadays if you're single from 30 and up. Hell, if you're above 25, I say.

Brooke said...

Yes, I think we're all kinda feelin it, not just Black or Latina women.

But here's a question - I wonder if men feel that good women outnumber them, or if the numbers become equal once you weed out the chickenheads. Thoughts?

Rameer The Circumstance said...

I'll chime in - depends again on environment. Where I'm at, we're never at a loss for eggs. Certainly more than enough chickens that lay 'em! My boys (a few who I ironically CONVINCED to move to the DMV area) constantly are trying to get me to move due to the dire relationship climate here, and the fact that the pregnancy rate is so f'n sky-high. We're in the Top 5% for metropolitan areas in the entire country when it comes to pregnancy rate.

But I'm not gonna bag on answer your question, I think most of the guys on here would concur that if you really want to, it ain't hard to find a good woman in many major cities. We may not be ready, or may be in picky-mode, but they're out there. The problem arises when you find a good woman and you have different mindsets, i.e. she's looking to get married, you're not; you're a nice guy and she *says* she wants that but really keeps letting Grimey Al in the backdoor; one of you feel the other isn't "perfect" enough - too many variables to name.

There are A LOT of "Ooom-flocka-lockas!" out there. But I personally have never had a problem finding a good woman if I was looking for one in *most* cities (The Circumstance trivia - I've dated a number of women from the DMV and NYC areas in my time - even though I've never lived in either region. Gave me the excuse to visit and for them to visit me). It's easier for us to find a good woman I think than it is for y'all, unfortunately.

I would say out of eligible women in most settings - you'll find a higher percentage of good women than you will good men. Let's say out of 100%, I'd say 55-60% of women would make pretty decent mates. I'd say 30% of men would be what you guys want...which is why when y'all are being picky or making excuses to not date one of those 30%, it's really counterproductive. Y'all don't have that many options to be saying "he's too nice" or "he ain't 6 ft. 2, he's only 5 ft. 10".

My 75 cents.

Jay said...

I think I agree with Rameer's numbers, even though I didn't do the research. While there are definitely some birds out there, the majority of women (in NYC anyway) are pretty great catches. You definitely outnumber us, and I wouldn't say the numbers skew evenly when you weed the birds out.

So like he said, try not to limit yourselves even more and think realistically when setting up your criteria for a mate. Don't throw out your standards, just relax them a little, because we definitely have our pick when it comes to you. The trick is simply finding a good man who APPRECIATES who you are, not one who considers you just another number.

Ms. Penn said...

The grass is always greener. Enjoy your single status, and when you find your man, it'll be time to enjoy your couple status. Live and enjoy each moment - and love will find you.

Brooke said...

Tell the truth on that one Ms. Penn. Grass is always greener, just live in the moment :)

Jay said...

Well who knows Brooke, you might like the grass on the other side, come on over ;)

Stef said...

F*ck grass! LOL!!

Why do men waste your time is what I wanna know? Facebook just got someone in trouble today. Gonna be an interesting Valentine's weekend. grrrr!!!

Brooke said...


Girl, I'm having a deja vu moment reading your comment. Nothing is worse than a "time waster."

If you really can't give me what I want and/or need, leave me alone. I'll be fine, just don't waste my time.

People should really make sure their Facebook pages are private if they're not who they say they are. I'll just leave it at that.

Gotta love those "Top 10 Valentine's" lists boy... :)

Stef said...

Men are assholes!

Brooke said...


Not ALL men Stef...just some (okay, most...well, not really, okay...maybe...I dunno)


Everything done in the dark comes to the light. Just trust that.

Yolanda said...

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I appreciate it. And many thanks to Brooke for letting me speak.

Hmm, I wanna know about this Facebook trouble. :-) Scandal!!!

Brooke said...

Thank YOU Yolanda!

Serena W. said...

Dang I missed a great convo on Friday! Yolanda we need to hang out for free. The single DMV sistas!

Stef...I hope you didn't cut anyone over the weekend.

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