Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Like I Said...I'm Grown

Happy Tuesday!

Today is my last day in the office this week, woo-hoo! I’m off for 5 days and I will try to soak up every drop of holiday and vacation time. I need it!

So, I was being my normal observant self on the train this morning, as usual. Two girls sitting across from me, probably about 16 or 17 years old, are talking about…what else? Boys.

“I liked him as soon as I saw him, he was so fine!”

“Yeah, he is kinda cute.”

“He always has on some nice sneakers too.”

“Yeah, and jewelry.”

“I love his cornrows, even though they need to be done again.”

“Does he buy you stuff?”

“Yeah girl, he always take me to the movies, and he took me to Red Lobster the other day.”

“He got money like that?”

“Yeah, he works. He bought me a Playstation too.”

Then I had to tune them out. I just didn't want to listen anymore.

Not because they sounded crazy, or young, or immature – but because…well…I’m grown.

At 16 or 17, you’re allowed to sound immature…because most likely you are.

I tried to remember what I liked in a guy when I was 16 years old. When I was 16, my boyfriend at the time was in college - I’m still not sure how I got away with that one. But if a guy seemed “mature” beyond my teenage world, I was hooked. It wasn’t about sneakers or clothes – it was about maturity and intelligence. I thought boys my age were dumb, and older guys were always attracted to me because they thought I was older than I was...simply because I’ve been 5’10 since I was 14. Never mind that I had the face of a 10-year-old, they'd approach me anyway…and I guess I thought that was cool.

Now, in my mid-30’s, not too much has changed. I listen to some single women talk about what they find attractive in a man, and they sound no different than the 16 year-old girls on the train.

They like that men have “toys”…"things.” Cars, motorcycles, big tv’s, Playstations. Yes, they’ll throw the house in there for good measure, but it’s usually superficial things they look for in a man.

For me, maturity and intelligence are still at the top of my list. Sure, I like guys that can joke around and be funny and have a good time; but I also appreciate a man who can get down to business when needed – both professionally and personally. You can’t be a goofball ALL the time. I thought that way at 16, and I still do now.

And spending all your hard earned money on toys and gadgets isn’t what makes me wanna throw my panties at you either. Those things are for YOU to enjoy. Not saying I won't play Playstation with you, but that's yours. I have no problem with that.

Wanna know what I enjoy?

A man who can wear a fly ass watch that peeks out at me from under a nice French cuff. Very unassuming, but shows me you have good taste while not being flashy.

I also enjoy a great tie, or a nice pair of shoes, or a perfectly fitted blazer.

And last but certainly not least…a meticulous haircut.

Don't get me wrong, I notice the same things a 16 year-old would – it’s just that now, it's a fresh edge-up over cornrows, or a square toe Kenneth Cole over Air Jordans…a nice watch over a gold chain. At my age, those things show me that you’ve progressed past do-rags and jerseys - and when you’re 16, there’s nothing wrong with any of that.

But me? Now?

Like I said…I’m grown :-)



Anonymous said...

First Bitches....dont tase me..


The Cable Guy said...

Dammit! Thought I could be first today.

B, your cable working yet? ;)

annamaria said...

Plugging in the taser so it can charge!!!
I've said it a bunch of times I love when a man can wear some jeans & timbs & then throw on a suit & look just as good! My boo does it effortlessly.

Jaz said...

Brooke, I'm the same way. I'm over the cornrows, do rags, all that stuff. I don't mind if a man wears a jersey...TO A GAME or a sports bar. But EVERY DAMN DAY???

Grow up.

I guess that means I'm getting old too, I must be grown as well :)

The Cable Guy said...

Just because a man wears a suit with french cuffs doesn't mean he's mature. Does a dude have to be suited up to be taken seriously?

Yolanda said...

It's not that you have to be suited-up every day. It's that you should know HOW to get suited-up everyday and do it effortlessly. That you can fly from circle to circle without ever losing the essence of you... effortlessly moving from your "boys" to "work" to quality time with your "lady" without missing a beat.

Hmmm... let me get back to work before I start thinking about men. Dangit! Day 73! But who's counting :-)

Anonymous said...

ladies I agree. there is nothing sexier than a man who can flip both sides and wear a suit and tie but still rock his urban style in his off time. It pains me to see grown ass men wearing their sweat pants with one leg up and one leg down. Even worse when a grown man wears his pants hanging off his ass. Hell I hate to see young guys do it as well. I find myself educating the young men on the train to what the hanging pants off your ass really means. I have had some of the men in my family do some hard jail time. I have been told by them that in jail if you wore your pants hanging off your ass that was meant to signfy that you were somebody's prison bitch. However the system no longer allows this practice. prisoners are not allowed to wear their pants off their ass.

Yolanda said...

It pains me to see grown men with cornrows...especially slightly balding men with cornrows. Sometimes, we have to realize our limitations and accept change (i.e.: a haircut).

DMoe said...

@Cable guy -

No, we don't have to be "suited up" per se, but attention to the details is what matters to some women as Brookey noted.

As for the jerseys, I agree with Jaz and Jigga...

"I don't wear jerseys, I'm 30 plus, gimme a fresh pair of jeans and a button up..."

However on game day? I'll represent.

Yolanda also had a point, but i'll add a lil bit..."Flying from circle to circle" is key, but BEING FLY as you fly from circle to circle is a win for a dude.

Personally, I'm aiming for the type of versatility that she's speaking of with the matching wings to fly (and be fly).

I'm still learning, but this evolution will be televised.

Stay tuned.

Brooke said...

Day 73?? Damn girl...sorry!

I know the feeling!

And Yolanda is right, it's about knowing HOW to do it.

And Cable Guy, you're right... wearing a suit everyday doesn't make you mature OR intelligent for that matter. I hope me stating the things I enjoy doesn't imply that THAT'S what I think maturity or intelligence is.

But if a man has the ability to discern when certain occasions call for certain things, then that's an indicator that he's matured on SOME level. It's not a given, but it's at least a clue.

NightFall914 said...

"A man who can wear a fly ass watch that peeks out at me from under a nice French cuff."

Ooh really?

I do have a mean lil watch collection if I do say so myself.


Brooke said...

Jerseys on game day, no problem with that...cuz that's me as well.

Attention to detail can be as simple as making sure your nails are clean and your clothes are pressed (or steamed...I'm a "steamer" :).

You don't have to have the most expensive clothes on in order to be taken seriously or make a lasting impression.

Hell, a mature man goes to the dentist regularly...THAT to me is maturity..and I can tell when you haven't been in a while ;)

Locksmiff said...

Brooklyn, do you need another 5-hour dissertation on "how to put on your socks properly?" lol.

Yolanda said...

It's all good though B!

I know where I can go to get some though :-)

"Put a ding on it!"

Brooke said...

@Locksmiff, NO ONE is as meticulous a dresser as you.

When your socks have to line up perfectly with the hem of your pants, just so that the POLO emblem shows when you sit down, then yeah...you have a problem :)

Brooke said...

Yolanda, we ALL know where we can get some...we just never want it from THEM :)

Yolanda said...

:-( or we do want it from them and that's the part that gets you stuck.

Ah, another blog...another day.

Brooke said...

I couldn't see the pic of the watch collection NightFall.

Brooke said...

You have to guest blog for me one day Yolanda :)

annamaria said...

Yolanda should guest blog on day 100. If she gets there! ; )

Anonymous said...

Day 100? That will be a juicy blog - or a dry one :) LOL!

YallFullOfShit said...

In my best Richard Pryor voice: “yall some lying ass Bitches!!!!”

Most of the women that read this blog seem to be successful with great jobs, independent, spiritually grounded, and whatever other bullshit you want to use to define your success. But let’s be real here, the common thread that seems to be echoed by some of the women that follow this blog is that yall are some single bitter bitches. Well maybe all of yall aint bitter, but that’s another blog for another day.

I digress. Why are you single? I’ll answer that. You’re single because you’re just like the 16 y/o girls Brooke encountered morning. You want the brother with the best suits. You want the brother who will take you to Tao. Shit, he BETTER make six figures are or least have a salary comparable to what you are making. You will not settle for less! .

If I’m wrong PLEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEEE enlighten a brotha.


Stef said...


First of all, I ain't gonna be too many bitches!

Second, who the hell are you?

Third, Negro please.

Fourth, bitter? Why are we bitter?

Fifth, no one on here said anything about he BETTER have a nice suit, or six figures, etc. You made that all up yourself. If anybody sounds bitter, it's YOU!

Brooke said...

Yeah, there was one too many "bitches" in there for MY liking :-)

Jay said...

Whoa bruh, why all the hostility?

I don't get the impression that any of the women on this blog are necessarily single OR bitter. Quite the contrary actually.

Most of them are single BECAUSE of all the great qualities you mentioned. If I had all those things going for me, I wouldn't settle either.

And none of them have ever said a man has to have all those material things you mentioned. They just want a good brotha, which apparently isn't that easy to find.

Single doesn't equal bitter. The women on here are funny and smart, hardly bitter and they give off good vibes. I'm surprised ANY of them are single!

I think you got it twisted homie.

Stef said...


I like Jay :)

Brooke, did ya'll have coffee yet?? LOL!

Jay said...

Brooke doesn't like coffee :)

She likes tea :)

Brooke said...

Back to the original point of the blog, it's not that a man HAS to have the things I enjoy...those are just things I enjoy and listed to show how I've evolved from 16 year-old tastes to 36 year-old tastes. Nobody said anything about "he better have" any of that.

annamaria said...

First off does this negro know I will shank him & then tase his ass??????
Secondly as one of the women on this blog with a man I can tell you I did NOT get with my man cause of what he got I got with him cause of who he is! I got his back when he needs me the same way he's got mine when I need him so slow your roll with the ignorance coming out those fingers! And last but not least if any of these women have ever come off as bitter...look in a mirror cause they probably bitter from dealing with brothers like you.

YallFullOfShit said...

@ Stef haha.

First, I didn't call YOU a bitch. But since you claimed it ........ THANKS! Just joking Stef. ;-) I wasn't trying to be offensive. I was using the "B-word" in a playful manner. Now, had I use the words "Dirty Ass Bitches" then I would expect you to take offense.

Second, I'm just a daily follower of this blog and I'm simply voicing MY opinion. That's it!!! My opinion doesn't mean shit!!!

Third, Are you single? If so, ask yourself why? If you care to share with us, great! If not, I completely understand.

Fourth, maybe "bitter" was the wrong word. But let's face it, a lot of women judge a man based on his "cover." The girls on the train were doing simply just that. Men aren't immuned. We do the same thing.

Fifth, no response to this one. But, I'll get back at ya once I figure it out. :-)

Stef said...

I'm single as far as not being married, but I'm having a good time dating many men - and I like it! No one on here is bitter. We're hopeful. No one on here has given up on men and we all know we'll find one IF that's what we want. We just ain't checkin for mean negroes like YOU!

YallFullOfShit said...

@Stef - - - Thanks for the info. And I completely deserved that last comment.

But make that the LAST time you call me a NEGRO!!! I'm not into that name calling shit. :-)

I hope everyone has a nice turkey day.


Stef said...

oh, but you can call us bitches tho right!? HA!

You have a great Thanksgiving too!

Yolanda said...

Wow... I leave the office and I got guest blogger requests and all types of Anonymous "bitches" being tossed out.

The kid may not make it to day 100. I did years and years of drought in my 20s, but the 30s are a different kind of animal.

Now, this Anonymous/Full of Shit person... wow, you don't bite your tongue, do you?

I'm single because I haven't met "him" yet. Or, better yet, he hasn't realized "I'm" the one yet!

I don't think there's a real deep thing to think about lurking under the surface. I'm sure it'll happen and I hold on to that. I do believe I have met a very strong man with potential "the one" characteristics but you can't force a man to realize anything. He has to do that on his own.

And trust... I believe we are all very far from that 16 year old. I've dated men with cars they had to unlock from their side because the handle on the passenger side didn't work... one lived at home and the other got laid off. If you find a gem, you stick with it because you know its worth!

Brooke said...

Yolanda got the gist of what I was saying. We all are very different from our 16 year-old selves. I didn't have anything bad to say about those girls on the train because at 16, you can say those types of things. At 36? Not so much.

And there are grown ass women who DO say some silly things. It's not to say that we automatically mature by a certain age, but there are some things we should just "know" by the time we get to our 30's, 40's, 50's, etc.

Just never stop evolving.

Yolanda said...

Shoooot... I wish someone would take mt Red Lobster. I could use a cheddar biscuit today :-)

Brooke said...

a cheddar biscuit ain't never hurt nobody! :)

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