Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

And again...speaking of's a question: Can you turn a "ho" into a housewife?

The reason I ask is because I was watching Oprah yesterday, and the infamous porn star Jenna Jameson was one of her guests. I don't think I have to explain who Jenna Jameson is - but if you don't know who she is for whatever reason, she's considered one of the most famous porn star moguls ever.

Jenna is now retired, married and a stay-at-home mom, and I often wonder how someone goes from porn star, or stripper, or prostitute to...wifey? I mean, most men don't wanna know anything about your ex, your sexual past or how many partners you've had, let alone have it on VIDEO for all the world to see. So how does that happen?

I'm sure we've all heard the saying that men "want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed." I get that. But how do you go from being a freak in the street AND a freak behind closed doors - and still be respected? Most of the women that I know or have come in contact with are very much ladies out in public. They don't have their breasts spilling out or wear skirts hiked up their hoo-ha. They leave some things to the imagination...keep some things a mystery.

But these very same women are the ones who will swing from chandeliers if that's what it takes to make them and their man happy. They're into toys, whips, chains, lotions, handcuffs (don't judge) and you'd never know it. Their sexual secrets are kept well hidden, and you'd never catch a sex tape of them floating around.

According to yesterday's "special report" on Oprah, 70% of women keep their online porn viewing habits a secret, yet 1 in 3 women are consumers of a billion dollar porn industry. Even though we are women, and know women, who are open to all kinds of sexual discussions (this blog included), a lot of women are still afraid to let the wild cat out of the cage publicly for fear that they'll be considered strange, weird, sick, a freak or a "ho" if they do. We all have an inner "Jenna Jameson," but we're afraid to let it show because we feel we'll be judged or criticized. Nothing is wrong with being a sexual being, so long as we keep it behind closed doors.

But more and more women are coming out of their sexual shells. I'm sure most of us could put some"professional" porn stars to shame if we let our true talents shine. I know women...not me of course...who could put Superhead out of business - we'd just never admit it out loud.

So how then do the Superhead's, Jenna Jameson's, and other women "like that" get past their sexual history and settle down to become "normal," happy, respected wives and mothers? Men, would you date, or marry, an ex porn star or stripper? Would you be able to get over the fact that every red-blooded male has jacked off to the site of your woman giving head to someone else like a pro? Women, do you think you could settle down with Lex Steele after he retires?

Personally, I'd have a hard time with it (no pun intended...kinda). I guess I'm just not that liberal. If 1 in 3 women watch and are consumers of porn, erotica, sex toys, etc., then that means at least one of my girls has a dvd or a molded penis in her nightstand drawer with my man's name (and her juices) written all over it.

No thanks.



annamaria said...

First bitches!!!

annamaria said...

Like I've said before I would not be able to settle down with an ex stripper or porn star. Or even a man who worked security at a strip club or directed porn! HOWEVER I do believe in whatever it takes to make ur man happy so yes I'd gladly hang from our ceiling fan on high if that's what Austin wanted! Lol

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

-Uhhhh... don't we know lex steele?

-Did somebody say handcuffs?

-not sure I can be with a stripper or porn star... at least not for wifey. I'm not secure enough. Of course the person I'm with could have been a porn star to her ex boyfriends..and that's cool. i just don't need/want to know about it. Just like I don't want to know how many men they've been with or who. Let's go to the clinic. if you check out OK...let's leave the past in the past and we can get to making our own porno flicks!

-Did somebody say handcuffs?

Midnight said...

Hmmmm good topic, now i will admit that most men aren't secure enough to handle being in a committed relationship with an ex-P.S.M. (porn star-stripper-model). To me the biggest issue in the whole thing is that everything is public, I know there are women and men who have body counts comparable to a P.S.M. but just no one knows about it. Please at least these people got paid for it, some people do that stuff for free. Like anybody else make sure their "paperwork" is clear before swappin fluids and go from there. We all are judgemental but its just interesting where our morals lie. A person is better off saying they murdered someone than saying they were in a porn movie. Now if you are honest with yourself and say I couldn't handle it then cool, but is this saying more about them or more about you?

Brooke said...

Yes, we know Lex, and I'd never be able to date him for obvious reasons :)

And you make sense Midnight - we just don't wanna our partner's past to be made public because then that opens us up to ridicule from other people who will pass judgment. Good point.

Personally, I'd just worry about the "fluids" part. But then again, I worry about that with EVERYone, not just because they were an ex porn star or whatever. Hell, it only takes ONE.

The Fury said...

I'd like to think I could date a stripper...maybe not a porn star, but who knows. I've dated a model or two and hell they've been seen wearing near nothing with nipples out. (shrug)

Funny thing about the Oprah show was that she established all these facts about women buying & enjoying erotica then she went ahead and still treated it like it was smut. That's the issue at hand, women are more likely ti call a women a ho because she watches porn or reads erotica than men are.

I get thousands of hits a month on my erotic blog but just a handful of brave souls that comment. Can you turn a ho into a housewife? No...but chances are that porno star or stripper will damn sure make a goodlover for their husband which is a big part in keeping that relationship healthy. Not sure I could withstand being upset with Jenna over the dishes if she paid for them then gave me monster head in the kitchen.

Jay said...

I don't think I'd care about the fact that someone was an ex porn star or stripper, but moreso about any potential baggage that comes with. I'd wonder how a girl got caught up in that industry, because most were abused or molested or have some other issues. I'm not saying all do, but I know of Jenna's story and she was abused and had all kinds of stuff done to her.

Now that doesn't mean she can't overcome those demons and go on to live a healthy, productive life, but if she hasn't gotten over those issues, then I'm not sure I'd want to take them on. Just being honest here.

Brooke said...

You thought she made it seem like smut Fury? I have to go back and watch again uninterrupted since I was watching at work.

But I did see a women she had on that spoke about more and more porn being made BY women FOR women. It was more romantic, had better scenes, a better plot (I guess) and that's what's making women watch more and more. I think she was very tasteful, even though she described porn and erotica as very different things.

Lisa Ling DID make it seem like she was truly uncomfortable when she was onset - and in my mind I was saying "yeah right, she knows she wants to watch!"

Who knows, but I do think women are more and more open about their sexuality...even if in small doses.

Midnight said...

Well here is something to think about,how many guys would have a problem with the girl being an ex porn star if all the porn she did was only with other women. I bet alot of them would change their tunes. Then again what does that say?

The Fury said...

yeah when Violet Blue skyped in the conversation grew a little more, but Lisa Ling and Oprah both used some very nose in the air terms when talking about it. They had the very "how could you??" tone. Well if 1/3 of it is being bought by women and nearly everyone in the audience heard of Jenna Jameson then it just made Oprah look like the old prude in the crowd. Which is often the person that makes the other women in the convo skittish about sharing.

Thankfully you're more open than

women have been making erotic films for women for nearly 20 years. You can see some of it on Cinemax at night. Lol

Rameer said...

My girl Davene told me Lex was a cornball on campus - I didn't even know he was alumni 'til she told me a couple summers ago.

I've never been one to really hold a woman's sexual history against her, cuz I'd be a hypocrite in doing so. It's more about how the person is overall - males can be hoes, and so can females. If she's an active, moral-deficient, wanton whore, then of course I'm gonna have to feel some way about that. But if she has some bodies to her name, so what? Don't we all?

I've dated models (minor and major) and even messed with a stripper or two. First off, stripper doesn't mean hoe...this is gonna sound funny to some, but there ARE honestly women who dance/strip without being hoes. And if you went to school, you probably knew some and didn't even know you did! Lol! I don't hold the fact that they're naked against them, cuz I tend to not give a eff what people I don't love think about me or who I hang with. It's an overall attitude - why would I let some chump I don't care about determine what I do in my personal life?

I knew a girl in school - we'll call her "Madge" - who was Lil' Kim before Lil' Kim was Lil' Kim! Seriously. She was mad upfront about what she liked, when she wanted to bone, etc. My crew never had a problem with her; in fact, we embraced her as peoples. A lot of people wrote her off as a hoe, skank, etc. but she actually wasn't even that promiscuous. She was just upfront about everything - like dudes are usually allowed to be. We respected her, and we kept it cool with her - no one ever tried to mess with her like that, she was just one of the dudes.

I say that, because now in our adult lives, she told me how she always appreciated me and my crew for always being cool with her and NOT treating her like leper. We never thought about it, but she told me she had it hard due to how people would act towards her due to her frankness and honesty. She said college was the worst four years of her life...and people like us made it bearable for her.

Could I marry a porn star or stripper? I think I could if they had left that life behind, and we really had gotten to know each other and fell in love. The past is the past, and if she can move on, so could I. I probably couldn't deal with it if it were on-going, though.

Shoot - let Anetta Keys give up the business and approach a brotha...

DMoe said...

The interesting thing about this whole thing is, a few of us (including myself) would say "I'd never marry an ex-pornstar", but then again, i just can't say never.

I echo Jay's sentiment: Most of the women in that industry have a bit of a history beyond the videos: abuse, molestation, abandonment, drugs, etc. and that translates to other problems in a relationship with me and anyone else for that matter.

But, I just won't say never. I do know it would be difficult from the "fluids" perspective as Brookey noted, as well as the "every chick has a past, but my past is available for download" front.

For example, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian? Bruh, that's GOT to be hard. Yes I'm secure with mine, but damn...Ray J had her wildin' out and we all can see it on demand? Child please...

You can be as secure as you wanna be, but I know that's a tough one.

Then again, with all this said, certain ex-porn stars/strippers deserve to be listened to if they EVER said "I've changed DMoe...I dont wanna do that anymore, only for you daddy..."


DMoe aka The Transformer

Brooke said...

Lex (still have a hard time calling him that) wasn't a cornball, but he WAS a nerd :) He was a good friend in school, and good people. He wasn't "out there," kept to himself mostly and was pretty monogamous at that. I was shocked to find out that he was a porn star because I just never got that vibe from him. He's very intelligent, and could have been a million other things besides a porn star. That's just what he chose to do - and clearly it's working out for him. But I have nothing bad to say about him personally - good dude.

I know alot of women from college who caught hell for being open and honest about their sexuality - and it wasn't fair. They were the ones who probably had the LEAST sexual partners, while the ones who were judging and pointing fingers were the REAL hoes. Funny...

I'm sure most men on here wouldn't blink of the girl only did porn with other women Midnight :)

Stef said...

Brooke, you went to SCHOOL with Lexington Steele??? Girl please, I'd drink his bath water! You were friends with him? What kind of "friend"? LOL!!!

Anyway, I might say I have a hard time with it, but I'd secretly be curious. What man or women wouldn't secretly want to date a porn star - if only in our fantasies? I know I wouldn't want to see any of his videos, but if he's retired and doing something else with his life by the time he met me, then so what? I'd try it.

Brooke, tell Lex to holla at me! LMAO!!

Brooke said...

Stef, I didn't know him like THAT, so stop it! :)

He dated my best friend for a good while. Good person.

Not sure I can tell him to holla at you, but I know where you can get his "toy" if that'll help you :)

The Cable Guy said...

Wassup ya'll!!

Brooke, you know Lex Steele? My torture just never ends!

I could probably date an ex-stripper, but maybe not a porn star. Just being honest with myself. But I get what people are saying. The next chick I meet could have more bodies than a porn star and I just not know it. But don't think I'm secure enough to handle it if she was out there for all my boys to see. And how do you explain that to the kids?

Yeah, not sure about that one.

Rameer said...

I've known some women who did porn. Never messed with 'em, but knew 'em. They weren't as big as Lex Steele, but you could find 'em on the 'Net if you looked.

This is what she told me about him - basically what you said, Brooke-Ra. That you would NEVER expect HIM to be a porn star! She told me about his whole pledging process, who he was cool with, etc. She actually didn't have much bad to say about him either; she just used the term cornball I think as relative to how he is now - wild and out there! Lmao!

She told me a story about how smart he was and how he screwed up a really lucrative, white collar job - and THEN turned to porn. She actually laid the whole story out, and even had me speak to a male alum who really broke him down to me (this was all in the course of a convo over breakfast, and the male alum called as we were talking about it). I was fascinated - who knew Lex was Orange??

She also said he would've been far more popular if women had known what he was working with...lolz!

I thought the only porn star was the Goldstein delivery, she was so f'n fly when I was a sophomore! Broke my heart when the older gods showed me her "video" - all the older dudes told me not to "go there", and one finally showed me why they was all steering me away from hollering. Man...broke my heart. I used to specifically tell them to send HER to bring me my cheesesteaks and Sal's wings (WITH sassy sauce! Lmao!)...

The Fury said...

you can have as healthy or crazy a sex past as whomever. I'm more concerned with the "on demand" nature of the porn business. Though I wouldn't put any woman on the street because of her sexual past (with men or women). At the end of the day, if you're a good person, that's all that matters.

what Rameer says makes lots of sense. Men are more likely to roll with a woman that's sexually open about her needs as a man. In fact, I don't know many instances of a woman being labeled a "hoe" or a "freak" without it being started or carried by women. Damn Oprahs! Lol

Brooke said...

Oh, women knew what he was working with, he just wasn't boastful or promiscuous. Trust me, there were PLENTY of women who wanted a taste of that on campus. He just wasn't that type of dude then.

I agree Fury, women are definitely more critical of other women, and the main ones doing all the criticizing are the main ones you need to worry about :-)

Oprah is/was probably a BIG freak ;)

Rameer said...


I guess different views from different circles. Her and her friends made it seem as though they *didn't* know he was working with what he has. Ah well - such is life.

Women are DEFINITELY more critical of other women. I agree completely...though old, white Republicans are probably the BIGGEST hypocrites when it comes to issues of sex...

Anonymous said...

Ok this one is going to come at you all from the other end of the rainbow.

I PREFER promiscuous, foward outfront women because that is the type of man I am. I don't want to be held in check by my woman; I wan her to be out there playing with me.

Thats just how I get down.

Brooke said...

you prefer promiscuous women? each his own. I just feel like statistically you'd be playing with fire when it comes to catching something. Condoms don't protect you from EVERYthing :)

Promiscuity could mean several things. It could mean someone is just a very sexual being, or it could be that someone is using ALOT of sex to fill some void. What do you all think?

Jay said...

I agree with Brooke, I think sleeping with ALOT of people randomly leaves you open to all kinds of stuff. She's right, condoms don't protect you from everything, so sleeping with any and everyone keeps you from finding out (if you ask the questions) if the person has anything you should know about.

I also think promiscuity for the most part is just people trying to fill some void, or them using sex to avoid something, run away from it, etc. Maybe I'm being a bit judgemental, but I see promiscuity as lacking some sort of moral code.

Anonymous said...

Why can't someone enjoy sex for the sake of enjoying sex?

Some folks like to run is it to fill a void?

Some folks like to wrestle, is that to fill a void?

Can't folks just like to F**K?

Anonymous said...

Condoms don't protect you from everything but neither does your door locks. We are never completely safe from harm....ever.

Jay said...

Of course not, but why increase your chances? And if you use sex to relieve stress, or do it simply cuz you like it, why do you need to have sex with multiple people in a non exclusive way? Maybe we need to define promiscuous, because to me, it means having sex with multiple people, non-exclusive, with no discretion.

I love sex as much as the next person, but I don't need to have one night stands and f*ck lots of women just to get off.

Brooke said...

I love it when people say things like "we're never really safe" or "you could get hit by a bus tomorrow." Chances are, you won't get hit by a bus tomorrow. Chances are, no one will break into your house with the locks you have.

But sexual activity is something else, because there's a domino effect. You know how they say, "if you have sex with someone, it's like having sex with everyone THEY had sex with"? Well, there's alot of truth to that. Some things carry over - some you can get rid of with antibiotics, some not. Jay is right, statistically you'd be increasing your chances.

You can love to have sex, and then there's having sex with multiple and/or random people. One doesn't presuppose the other.

Anonymous said...

I love it when people say that having sex with multiple partners is more dangerous than anything else......statistically do more people die from Cancer or Aids? Motorcycle accidents or Aids? Of all the things you could get from having random (condom protected) sexual encounters, Aids is the only fatal one. Statistically, you are safer have random protected sex than you are driving your car. Some people love to have sex, with different people and the fact is they are no more immoral than most.

Rameer said...

I'm with Jay and Brooke-Ra. I ain't catching mad bodies like that...when I was in school, my biggest fear was "the Gift" - Herpes or Genital Warts! Which, I found out being the germaphobe I was (and am), was FAR more prevalent than occurrences of HIV, which every campaign was warning against.

And the condom don't protect u from EITHER.

The more bodies, the bigger chance of getting that YAYA or something as bad or *worse*. No thank you. I'd rather find me a PARTNER I know is safe and checked out, and get my freak on with her, not the multitude of women out there in the club or streets.

I KNOW people who caught The Gift in college. I even did a mini-documentary about sex in college, and devoted a portion of it to that topic. Those people had similar attitudes...sorry to say. Now, they're living with having to take drugs and/or treatments for the rest of their lives to control flare ups and outbreaks.

I would NEVER want to deal with THAT.

Anonymous said...

Statistically you probable wont contract HIV either.....

Rameer said...

"Statistically" is based on the average person, who doesn't over expose themselves to whatever relative situation is being discussed. And the AVERAGE person has one sexual partner they're dealing with; I believe the average American has between 1-2 partners per year.

Statistics can be manipulated. Statistically, one out of every 3 Black men is in the criminal justice system at any point. Funny - that doesn't apply to me or any of my crew. The heart of my crew is 6 deep - shouldn't two of us be involved with a case?

Brooke said...

No one is talking about AIDS or anything else that's fatal. I'm talking about what Rameer is referring to - genital warts/herpes, etc. You can use condoms with everyone you have sex with and still catch that. The more people you have sex with, the more likely you'll contract it since alot more people have that condition than any other STD.

It's more prevalent because most people don't even KNOW they have it. Genital warts/herpes doesn't always flare up, not everyone gets an outbreak. It can lay dormant in your body forever, yet you can pass it on to someone else and not even know it. The person you pass it to COULD have flareups, and not know who they caught it from - especially if they've slept with any and everyone under the sun. At least by limiting your partners, if you DID catch something, you'd have a better chance of knowing who gave it to you.

Can you imagine having to try to REMEMBER all the random people you slept with in order to notify them of your "condition?" And that's only if you're nice enough to want to extend that courtesy. Most folks just keep on having sex all willy nilly without caring if or who they infect.

No one is talking about DYING, but living with the "Gift" is still a horrible thing to have to go through.

Jay said...

Again, anonymous, you didn't provide your defnition of promiscous. It has a negative connotation to it, but if you think it means something else, then by all means share. After all, that's what Brooke was asking us, what OUR definition of it is. I've spelled out mine, what is yours?

Stef said...

I agree with Brooke, Jay and Rameer. Loving sex doesn't mean that you have to have sex with alot of people. You can be a freak with one person...or maybe a year, not day.

I'm sorry, but sleeping around with everybody and they mama is not a good look. What is the point? If you ask me, that means you got some other issues going on.

Annamaria said...

I'm curious as to WHY anonymous prefers promiscuous women??? A person can be a "freak" without having to be promiscuous. In this day in age with all the diseases going around wouldn't it be more fun to FUCK the same freak different ways than to fuck a bunch of different freaks til you too sick to fuck???? FUCK thanks... Besides the fact that half of these STD's are incurable?? Statistically speaking I'd prefer not to become a statistic...

Jaz said...

I'm late to the discussion, but I'm here!

Good blog Brooke. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a sexual person and/or watching porn. As long as you're not hurting anyone, what you do in the privacy of your own home is your business.

Now promiscuity, sexual addiction, etc. is something else. You can be sexual, and even "careful", but that still doesn't mean you should put your health and the health of others at risk. No one is completely safe, and you can catch something after having had sex with just one person. But to everyone else's point, why increase your chances of catching something if you don't have to?

Like Annamaria and everyone else said, you can be a freak and love sex, but knowing what's at stake, why chance it with being a freak or loving sex with alot of different people.

Either sex is more important to you than your wellbeing, or it isn't. That's for anonymous to decide for himself.

Jay said...

I'm sure if STD's, curable or not, were non-existent, this would be a totally different conversation. Then we could talk about sex and our love for it in a different context. But the truth of the matter is, there's stuff out there that can hurt you, or at the very least, make your life VERY uncomfortable. Why increase your risk of that happening to you?

Unless sex is just that important to you. And if sex is more important to you than possibly catching something you can spread to others unknowingly, then I think that speaks volumes about the type of person you might be.

DMoe said...

Agreed with what's been said from Brookey and the gang.

Yes, you can love sex all you want and we can play statistics all you want.

However, driving a car with no seatbelt while texting on bald tires in the rain with your shirt over your head as you floss your teeth and eat doritos is the equivalent of arbitrary, random sex with strangers.

Your just more likely to get into an accident one way as opposed to another.

Being a certain way, your simply increasing the odds of "fire shootin' out yo d**k".

"Doc, I got flames comin' out my d**k..."

"You got what?"

"I got FIRE comin' out every time I go to use the bathroom..."

That one was free. The next one? Its gonna cost.


Brooke said...

Now I want Doritos :-)

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

I actually have no beef with what anonymous is saying AS LONG AS HE IS BEING UP FRONT AND HONEST ABOUT HIS PROMISCUITY WITH EVERYONE HE'S SLEEPING WITH! Because now he is risking someone else's life! And that shyt is not cool. But if he finds a willing partner and he's willing to take that chance with his life and health..and so is his partner .. who am I to judge!

Brooke said...

You right Pretty Ricky, you right!


hard to find people who are that honest though about what they're doing, but if he is, then rock on wi'cha bad self!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ricky! To answer your question, I am up front with everyone and so is my partner. We do us. No one else matters. Grown folks decide to play with us, thats their choice. No one else has a right to judge us.

Promiscuity is fucking a lot of different people. that is my plain and simple definition.

Anonymous said...

Brooke, I think you are the only person who isn't talking about AIDS.

Someone else metioned issues but no one answered my initial question?!?!?

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