Dear Brookey,
I've been having a problem with my upstairs neighbors. I live in a 4 floor walk up, on the third floor. My new neighbors are newlyweds - great, fun couple, very nice. I like them...except for one thing. They have sex every night around 1am, sometimes again around 4, and it's VERY loud. I'm all for newlywed bliss, and I'm happy they're loving each other - but I need my sleep! Other than the marathon sex, I have no problem with them and really like them, so I'm having a hard time finding a way to tell them that their over zealous sex lives is ruining my sleep. Their sex lasts about 45 minutes, and even when they're finished, I can't fall back to sleep right away. And when I do, it's round 2 for them!
What can I say to them, in a nice way, to let them know that they're keeping me up at night? I don't want to be one of "those" neighbors who complains all the time, but it's really affecting me at work, and just making me a sleep deprived mess. Please help! Thanks!
- Need Some ZZZZ's!
Dear "Need Some ZZZZ's",
As a person who also lives in a communal space - aka...NYC apartment - I can TOTALLY sympathize with you and the noise thing. I had to move because my last upstairs neighbors had a child that ran wild all through the night, making it impossible for me to fall asleep at a decent hour. After numerous complaints to the mother, the building manager and finally the leasing company, the only thing I could do was move.
Now, I'm not telling you to move...just yet. If you're afraid to say something to them, I'd have a friendly talk with the landlord and let him or her do the dirty work for you. That may sound cowardly, but it's their job to maintain order in the building, so they should be trained to handle these situations - especially since most leases have a "quiet enjoyment" clause in them. Review your lease to see what your rights are and what actions you can take to ensure that your neighbors be compliant.
Now, judging from your letter, your neighbors seem like they're nice, reasonable people...so you may be able to handle this without going to your landlord. Going behind their back may create animosity, and since you think they're cool people, there's no need for that. Why not knock on the door or catch them going in or out and say, "Hey, there goes my favorite couple (if they're together). Do you guys have a few minutes? I wanted to talk to you as a friendly neighbor, but something is concerning me. Every night around 1 or 3 or so, I hear loud noises or thumping coming from your apartment. I hope everything is okay, but it's keeping me from sleeping at night. I know noise is the nature of the beast living in an apartment, so maybe we can figure out a way together to work through it, especially during the wee hours of the night. I just have the hardest time getting back to sleep, so this would help me so much. Honestly, I'd truly appreciate it."
You can also write that in a note if you're uncomfortable having this conversation face to face, or if you don't want them to blush and be embarrassed by their sexcapades. Hopefully that'll be enough for them to tone it down a bit. I know that would work for me...since I've been known to get..uh...excitable...myself a time or two.
Now, if they take offense to your request for more quiet, THEN you can go to the landlord, as well as document each time you hear the noise and how you handled it with your neighbors. This way you have a log as proof that they are indeed breaking a clause in their lease, or making it unbearable for you to have a good quality of life. That is what I did with my previous neighbors - and since the building didn't do anything about it, I was able to demand that they move me into a bigger, TOP FLOOR apartment, at the same rent! If they had refused my request, I had all the proof and ammunition needed to either sue them, or force them to pay for my move somewhere else. It seems extreme, but if your sleep is important to you, it's necessary.
Lastly, I have a question. Are you sure you're not just a TAD bit jealous that they're having awesome sex every night...and you aren't? LOL! I know...I'm kidding...kinda :-) There really is no easy way to approach neighbors about this, so just do it - in a friendly, respectful and direct way. But try to cut them a break - they ARE newlyweds. Maybe you can try earplugs first...or having loud sex yourself in order to counteract the noise. Might be fun!
Good luck!
-b
Dear "Need Some ZZZZ's",
11 comments:
First Bitches!!!
This was so good Brooke! I've had this problem before, but not with loud SEX neighbors, just loud PARTYING neighbors. I'm not a stick in the mud, and I understand wanting to have a good time, but my neighbors used to have a party damn near every night!
They invited me once and I declined, and no matter how many times I asked them to keep it down, they'd turn the music down A LITTLE and then turn it back up again AFTER I finally get to sleep!
I called the landlord and even the cops, but the cops never came. I didn't even live in a bad neighborhood! I finally had to move.
Nothing is worse than noise in NYC, but like you said, it's the nature of the beast if you live in an apartment. That is why I wanted Austin the Realtor to tell me to buy a house! LOL!
WOW.. LOL
Putting a Note on the door like Brooke Suggested might be a good way to start. If that doesnt work, then proceed with a face to face.
This actually happened to me once.
I ran into my next door neighbor in the elevator (after a night of GREAT sex!) and she looked exhausted! Meanwhile, I was still in my "glow"...all chipper :-)
I was like "Hey Janice! How are you today?!"
She was like "I'm tired because there was a lot of noise coming from your apartment last night and I couldn't sleep."
Yikes!
I was MORTIFIED. And I felt so bad. At first I was like "get over it prude" but then I felt bad because I knew her to be a nice woman who was very friendly. And I WAS loud that night.
I calmed my sex noises down a little bit and she's been nice to me ever since. Now I just stuff my face in a pillow :)
@Stef - buy a house! Lol
Sorry for missing money monday but this is great. We also had/have this problem. Ours were fighters and I had to bring it to him when they went at it at 5am one morning. They have 3 young boys and we are pretty understanding. The sex noise is annoying but its like 5 mins so no biggie!LOL.
The ironic thing is I put them in there! At least I got paid for the aggravation.
Leave it to Dominatricks :-)
@Powerz,
Thanks! Now I just need some money!
I'd rather have loud sex neighbors than neighbors who fight. That's the WORST!!
NYC is synonymous with Loud Neighbors. You can't fight it, only join it.
Good advice though. Find a funny way to bring it up, or give them a year when the honeymoon phase is over :-)
Thanks for the advice, I'll try it!
Any advice on making my neighbor stop her smoking? I'll take a frisky neighbor over a smokestack.
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