Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Good afternoon mi gente!
Ever have one of those days where someone just pisses you off? That’s me today…and it’s been a few days in the making. The thing that really irks my nerves is when someone pisses you off, you react, and then they tell you to "calm down"…when they’re the reason you’re pissed off in the first place!
Excuse me, I'm having a "wooo-saaaa" moment.
I hate being angry. I hate being angry at work even more. I’m usually a very even-tempered person, and most people don’t get to see my angry side. So when I show it, I mean it. But even in that state, I try to “fight fair” and come up with a respectful response when someone tells me to calm down, even though my first inclination is to spit back a fiery “f*ck off!” But even with my new office, the walls are thin…so I need to restrain myself.
I don’t get upset over parking tickets, or when people cut me off in traffic. I usually just utter “asshole” and keep it moving. Sometimes I see people spazz out at Starbucks because the barista forgot to add a splash of soy milk to their overpriced coffee, or because their flight was delayed…and they just look….crazy.
That was probably me today yelling in my office. Crazy.
One of the things I hate about being angry and arguing is this: from the outside looking in, you simply look like an idiot. People can't relate to why you're angry if they don't know the details, and most likely, you don't get sympathy, you get the side eye. Like I said, it takes a lot to push my buttons, but when they’re pushed, it’s hard to “UN-push” them. Then an hour later, I’m pissed at MYSELF for allowing myself to get angry in the first place – especially when I KNOW that was the intended goal. Now I need a drink.
Which brings me to the second reason I hate being angry – some people just like pissing other people off. I try to avoid those people at all costs, but sometimes they creep up on you and next thing you know you’re ready to cut someone’s head off. I’m not talking about the person who cut you off in traffic and didn’t realize it because they have the music blasting. It happens, and while you’re sitting in your car flipping them off and cussing them out, they’re completely oblivious to it. But I’m not talking about that person.
I’m talking about the person who WANTS to upset you, maybe because they weren’t hugged enough as a child, and they want you to be just as miserable as they are. Yeah, THAT asshole. When I react to them, they’re getting exactly what they wanted, and that just makes me even MORE angry…at MYSELF. Being angry usually only hurts the host, not the person he or she is angry at. And I KNOW THIS....but damn it's hard to remember in a heated conversation!
If you really want to mess with someone who flips you off in traffic, try smiling and waving back, and watch the confused look on their face. Now, that may be harder to do with a boyfriend or your mother-in-law, but with time, you can even learn to appreciate and love these tortured people (bizarre I know) for the important role they serve in life: helping to remind you how NOT to live or behave. Don’t judge them, they are just at a different point in understanding life - just don't keep these people close.
Now that I’ve “calmed down” and taken my frustrations out in this post, I have to try to remind myself that in the midst of anger and "pissedoffedness", there is always something to be grateful for, and I should never let anyone take me out of my element again. From now on, I’ll simply walk away, or hang up the damn phone….or not answer it in the first place. My life is blessed, so why be angry?
Instead of being reactive, I should be proactive in ridding my life of all negative things and people who don’t have my best interest at heart. Of course there are going to be friends and family who get on your last nerve, and usually the people you care about are the one who hurt you the most. But at the end of the day, no one should be able to steal my joy, so that is something I need to work on…DAILY. There is too much good in the world to be angry and ungrateful. There is something good in every situation, and you can find it - even if it’s just that you’re grateful for the chance to practice being grateful.
How do you deal when something or someone pisses you off? I could use all your help today – pray for me!
-b
Ever have one of those days where someone just pisses you off? That’s me today…and it’s been a few days in the making. The thing that really irks my nerves is when someone pisses you off, you react, and then they tell you to "calm down"…when they’re the reason you’re pissed off in the first place!
Excuse me, I'm having a "wooo-saaaa" moment.
I hate being angry. I hate being angry at work even more. I’m usually a very even-tempered person, and most people don’t get to see my angry side. So when I show it, I mean it. But even in that state, I try to “fight fair” and come up with a respectful response when someone tells me to calm down, even though my first inclination is to spit back a fiery “f*ck off!” But even with my new office, the walls are thin…so I need to restrain myself.
I don’t get upset over parking tickets, or when people cut me off in traffic. I usually just utter “asshole” and keep it moving. Sometimes I see people spazz out at Starbucks because the barista forgot to add a splash of soy milk to their overpriced coffee, or because their flight was delayed…and they just look….crazy.
That was probably me today yelling in my office. Crazy.
One of the things I hate about being angry and arguing is this: from the outside looking in, you simply look like an idiot. People can't relate to why you're angry if they don't know the details, and most likely, you don't get sympathy, you get the side eye. Like I said, it takes a lot to push my buttons, but when they’re pushed, it’s hard to “UN-push” them. Then an hour later, I’m pissed at MYSELF for allowing myself to get angry in the first place – especially when I KNOW that was the intended goal. Now I need a drink.
Which brings me to the second reason I hate being angry – some people just like pissing other people off. I try to avoid those people at all costs, but sometimes they creep up on you and next thing you know you’re ready to cut someone’s head off. I’m not talking about the person who cut you off in traffic and didn’t realize it because they have the music blasting. It happens, and while you’re sitting in your car flipping them off and cussing them out, they’re completely oblivious to it. But I’m not talking about that person.
I’m talking about the person who WANTS to upset you, maybe because they weren’t hugged enough as a child, and they want you to be just as miserable as they are. Yeah, THAT asshole. When I react to them, they’re getting exactly what they wanted, and that just makes me even MORE angry…at MYSELF. Being angry usually only hurts the host, not the person he or she is angry at. And I KNOW THIS....but damn it's hard to remember in a heated conversation!
If you really want to mess with someone who flips you off in traffic, try smiling and waving back, and watch the confused look on their face. Now, that may be harder to do with a boyfriend or your mother-in-law, but with time, you can even learn to appreciate and love these tortured people (bizarre I know) for the important role they serve in life: helping to remind you how NOT to live or behave. Don’t judge them, they are just at a different point in understanding life - just don't keep these people close.
Now that I’ve “calmed down” and taken my frustrations out in this post, I have to try to remind myself that in the midst of anger and "pissedoffedness", there is always something to be grateful for, and I should never let anyone take me out of my element again. From now on, I’ll simply walk away, or hang up the damn phone….or not answer it in the first place. My life is blessed, so why be angry?
Instead of being reactive, I should be proactive in ridding my life of all negative things and people who don’t have my best interest at heart. Of course there are going to be friends and family who get on your last nerve, and usually the people you care about are the one who hurt you the most. But at the end of the day, no one should be able to steal my joy, so that is something I need to work on…DAILY. There is too much good in the world to be angry and ungrateful. There is something good in every situation, and you can find it - even if it’s just that you’re grateful for the chance to practice being grateful.
How do you deal when something or someone pisses you off? I could use all your help today – pray for me!
-b
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About Me
- Brooke
- Over the years, I've been blessed to have spent time with, befriend, love, learn from and share experiences with people who have helped me grow and inspire me everyday. They have shared words of wisdom, strengthened me with encouragement, gave me joy with a smile, comforted me with a hug, gave clarity to my visions and dreams and renewed my spirit with faith. It is through family and friends that I manage to be happy and hopeful. These relationships work because we share our philosophies, our personal truths and an outlook that prompts us to seek something greater in all and in ourselves. Sharing a journey heartedly illuminates our lives and enriches our experiences. It keeps us moving....always evolving....ever changing. I have been transformed by the wisdom, opinions, insights and revelations of those who have shared their journey with me. It's a blessing I long to share with you through my first ever blog. For me, writing is a reflection of my own direct experience and I look forward to all of you sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. So...with that said....can I just say.....??? :-)
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Wordless Wednesday: The Vendor11 years ago
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28 comments:
FIRST BITCHES!!!
I can truly relate. I found myself in the same predicament this weekend. I started to yell but i caught myself, stop talking completely and just walk away. I was irked at myself for allowing someone to get me riled up. Aargh!
Damn B, who pissed you off today??
I'm gonna get Annamaria's taser and zap them for you! How DARE anyone piss you off today! LOL!
Someone is messing with MY baby? Brooke, just say the WORD.
I know how you feel, and I hate when I get that way too. Best thing to do is simply walk away or shut that shit down. Don't let anyone disrespect you, but don't let anyone take you out of your normal cheery, loving self. You're too beautiful and special for that.
Tell them to FUCK OFF!
Step 1.. tell them for go fuck themselves..
if you don't feel better stab them...
if you don't feel better tase them exactly where u stabbed them so that the wound seals & they bleed internally...
Why is that always the case? The person who does the hitting gets away but the person who hits back gets the punishment and the b.s. about being a bigger/better person? AND yes you look the part of boo boo the fool especially when someone patronizes you w calm down. Fuck that....where's my nose and wig? Guess we having a party today!
Yeah, what Annamaria said!
It depends on who pissed me off to determine how I react. If it's my mom (like yesterday) I simply be quiet and hang up so I don't disrespect her, but if it's a man, all hell breaks loose! He can kick fuckin rocks!
If it's my boss, I go for a walk and then vent to my friends.
If it's my friends, they get told about themselves in a nice way.
all depends.
Expressing your anger is important. Bottling all that up is the reason Black people die of heart attacks early...well, that and the fried food and sugar.
Black folks have spent so much time holding back anger so we don't get punished by massa (or the boss) or to be seen as the Black person with an "attitude" that we sometimes become docile. Don't become docile. Don't become overly fair. Don't become too rational. People don't respect it. Look what they're doing to The President.
Take a walk. Enjoy the sunshine. Take a breather then come back with fire in your gut but a mellow tone.
I HATE being told to "calm down." FUCK THAT!
I agree with Anonymous, that shit is patronizing. If you do something to piss me off, then NO, I'm NOT calming down. You will feel my rage. I don't care how it makes me look to ouside folk, they don't NEED TO KNOW why I'm mad, only the person who is the object of my anger. Everyone else can kick rocks.
Tell 'em why you mad son!
I'm pissed off we just felt an earthquake on the east coast!
It's actually VERY hard to truly get me pissed off, cuz I have bad temper when I'm to that point. So what people call me being pissed off or upset in my adult life is more like me being bothered enough to react.
Bu when I do get bothered like that - I react. I don't hold a damned thing back - my reaction is what it is. If you do "a", then you WILL get "b", "c", "d" and whatever else I give you. Cuz YOU caused that reaction, and now you must deal with the consequences. I'm with Fury - not holding it in.
I'm not sure an upset reaction necessarily ha to make you look like an idiot. I cussed someone out the other day, and a person right in the room didn't even know it had occurred - cuz I spoke softly and sternly. My WORDS let them know the deal, I didn't need any histrionics.
But I almost ALWAYS react. The only way I'll not do so is if there's a good reason NOT to - like it's a child who didn't know better, I don't want to upset my mother who is standing right there, etc.
And people who now me ALL know - I ain't walking away from ISH. In fact, they'll pretty much tell you - DON'T start with him. Cuz he WILL keep going no matter what if h feels he's in the right...
I have a switch....once it's thrown I can no longer speak there is only one action when that switch gets thrown.
I completely understand your need to control your anger but it isn't as easy during your time of pissedoffedness as it is in hindsight.
When I get to the highest level of pissed off I scare myself. All of you closet Psychologists have fun with THAT! lol!
I've seen Tony pissed off in the past - not pretty :)
and I DAMN sure don't wanna see Rameer pissed off! I think he'd actually delight in telling someone off :)
Brooke....Were you at my graduation party??
I don't think I was - refresh my memory :)
Do I need to take my rings off and get some Vaseline? Who's messing with Brooke?
I have a very bad temper that I've learned to check as I've gotten older. I'm a Taurus, so when I get angry, I could really give you the horns but I don't. If I said or did half the stuff I'm actually thinking sometimes, I'd be under the jail. I've learned though that I must release it somehow and I've really gotten better at breathing and doing my best to meditate or recite a mantra. I also realize that people are just people. They get mad just like I do. We all have our days.
And if none of that works... I just focus on their shortcomings and laugh to myself. LOL
good ones Yolanda!
by the way, thanks to everyone for having my back, but no one needs to get shanked...at least not today :)
In accordance with what my husband said I think that everyone should stop being pissed off & go home & have sex with your significant other.. OR a random stranger.. OR both... heck we don't know what's going to happen so do it all! LMAO
what if the person you have sex with is the one pissing you off? LOL! is that where the stranger comes in? ;)
...jussayin
WOW, Stef was First!!!
@Brooke... YUP.....that is where the stranger comes in... your significant other will just have to deal with it.
**taking notes**
Hi everyone!
It's been a minute, I actually got a little vacation.
It takes a lot to piss me off too, but once I am pissed off, there's usually no holding back. But I'm more like Rameer, I can cuss you out and keep it moving without so much as even raising my voice. I try to avoid confrontation and arguing as much as possible - but push me and it gets ugly.
Brooke, I can't even imagine you angry or upset, not with that smile. If you have someone in your life causing you not to light up the world, cut him or her loose. You're too great of a spirit to not let it shine.
awww, thanks Jay! :)
Jay is such a good dude, I heart him :)
Im late BUT love the post... Very true and I can relate in every way!!! I wish I got to join in yesterday...
There are miserable people in the owrld, and like the saying goes
" Misery loves Company"....
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