Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Back-To-Work Tuesday!

I hope you all had a great, long weekend! Look at what DMoe was doing in Puerto Rico:

Jumping off bridges with the locals and whatnot :-)

I am SO going somewhere next year for Memorial Weekend, although I had a GREAT weekend with my family - so much so that I stayed there late last night because my nephews didn’t want me to leave. I told myself that I was staying late to beat the traffic, but what I was REALLY doing was watching the 2 hour premiere of Single Ladies on VH-1. If you missed it, here’s a taste of what you missed from the trailer:

I can’t say that I didn’t like it. I can’t say that I loved it. I guess I’m still trying to figure out if this will be my new obsession or not. Since The Game is under performing for MY taste, I was eager to sink my teeth into a new series with a majority Black cast that would speak to me – and Single Ladies (since I am one) seemed like it might do the trick – or fail miserably.

I told myself I’d only watch a half hour of it. An hour later, I was still intrigued. The acting was so-so – at first it felt like I was watching a late night BET straight to dvd movie, like Trois 3. Well, it wasn’t THAT bad, but production-wise, that’s what it felt like to me. But the story flowed, and although gold diggin’ video vixens who steal and write books is nothing new, I rode with it. I wanted to see what was going to happen next, so there I was – 2 hours later – telling myself that at 11p, the traffic should be fine to drive back to the NYC.

So I guess I dig the show…for now. The acting will get better, hopefully, and if nothing else, it’s no less entertaining than say…Basketball Wives (which I missed). These women were strangely relatable on some level, maybe because they were in my age range…not that you’d know it. Stacey Dash is the QUEEN of “Black Don’t Crack.” Those heffas make you wanna throw out all the snacks in your crib, apply sunscreen and anti-wrinkle cream as if your life depended on it and do two spin classes back to back – DAILY. At 40-something, those women were WORKING IT.

So I’ll DVR it...and try to work out a side deal with Deebo :-)

Even the morning talent were talking about how great the show is as I got dressed – even though I think the guys liked it for a totally different reason :-) But the show sparked their question of the day – which I will make MY question of the day as well.

Val (Stacey Dash’s character) was dating a man for 5 years. She gave him an ultimatum – either put a ring on it, or bounce. So he bounced. Three months later, he was engaged to someone else (Lauren London). He said that by forcing him to make a decision, Val made him realize that he was “settling” with her. Although they got along, she was cool and never gave him a hard time, and she looked great on his arm, he just wasn’t in love with her. He felt that love would come eventually since she looked good on paper, but his heart was never in it.

Charlemagne (the God) said that he would never have let a woman as fine as Stacey Dash go – he’d have to just work with it – or simply cheat on her. He said when you have a woman like a Stacey Dash or a Halle Berry – it doesn’t matter if there’s no spark, no chemistry or if she’s crazy – you don’t leave someone like that who seemingly has it going on…no matter what.

So what say you? Do you stay with someone who is perfect on paper (Stunning, Handsome, intelligent, great body, great career, your mama likes him/her, etc.) but there is no passion, or do you go for someone who may be “less perfect” on paper – but perfect for you?

Curious to hear from the men on this one – go!

-b

TGIF!!

I have a half a day today, so let's get it! I got this "Random 50 Questions" from my boy Jeff on Facebook, so thought it would be fun to do for the blog. Let's Go!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I was named after my grandmother’s favorite singer – a Black man named Brook Benton. I would have been named Brooke whether I was a boy or a girl.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Watching Oprah’s finale on Wednesday.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Love it!

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Maple Honey Roasted Turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Not Yet – but several “play” children. Two nephews, a Godson and 6 “play” nieces and nephews.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Absofreakinlutely!

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? To perfection sometimes. I’ve been told I have a slick mouf.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? HELL no.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Special K Vanilla Almond (or Honey Nut Cheerios with the kids)

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Never

-WHAT HAPPENED TO #12? I dunno, ask Jeff Dorcely…I got this from him :-)

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Breyers Vanilla Bean or Cookies and Cream….or Dulce de Leche. I love ice cream!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? If they’re smiling (and teeth) and their eyes.

15. RED OR PINK? Red (lips!) LOL!

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? That I procrastinate.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ? Cole, my cat.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? Yes, I'd love to learn more about my friends.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Wearing a short black jersey dress and chocolate sandals

<----AGAIN...WITH #2O;...I should just come up with a couple extra questions myself to make it really be 50 questions. Maybe later.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My coworkers’ kids running around the office (get me outta here!)

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Hot Magenta

23. FAVORITE SMELL? The ocean, my nephews’ hair after a bath, Agua di Gio on a man, fresh cut flowers

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My coworker Nicole

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? He a’ight ;)

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Football and Basketball

27. HAIR COLOR? Dark Brown

28. EYE COLOR? Dark Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Italian.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Brides Maids I think...at the theater. At home...Get Him to the Greek.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? See #19

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, definitely.

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Both – I give great hugs, but I love to kiss.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? My Strawberry Cheesecake

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Hard to say, it’s Friday, not sure who’s around on the blog today….Stef?

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No idea.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Just got “Resurrecting Midnight” by Eric Jerome Dickey – will start that soon.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My nephew Kyce at a few months old.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Heat/Bulls game. Congrats to the Heat.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? My nephews cracking up, anything on my new iPod, when my cat used to snore lightly :-(

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Umm….Beatles I guess?

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Japan – but I was born there – does that count? Okay, maybe L.A. :-)

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Some folks say I can write pretty well….all my other talents can’t be shared here ;-)

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Okinawa, Japan.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Craig’s.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? I’m not married.

49. IS THE CUP HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Half full.

50. IF YOU COULD SIT DOWN TO DINNER WITH FIVE PEOPLE WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE? My maternal grandmother whom I’ve never met, (along with my mother and sister so we all could be together) Oprah, Barack & Michelle Obama.

BONUS QUESTIONS: Since there were technically only 48 questions, here are two more:

1. Would you adopt if you couldn't have children naturally? (me...yes)

2. What are you doing this Memorial Weekend? Whatever it is, please be safe and have fun! (going to Philly to do family stuff...first stop? Kung Fu Panda 2!)

Go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

This is post #601! Wow!

- Sunny and warm days, love it!

- Congrats to Dallas...next up....the Heat.

- I want all the men who wear sandals to know that it's okay for a man to get a pedicure. That's a hint.

- I'm not crazy about white shoes. Unless it's a wedding, they make me cringe. Not sure why.

- Eating Combos now...and I want Chinese for lunch today.

- I didn't do the "ugly cry" as Oprah's show ended yesterday - but the tears did fall. I can't even imagine 4pm without her. I feel like I've lost a friend...but I'm sure we haven't seen the last of her. She's an amazing force and I can't wait to see what's next for her.

- Her entire show yesterday could have been a book of inspirational quotes. "You have to know what sparks the light in you, so that you...in your own way...can illuminate the world" - Oprah.

- The strawberry lemonade at McDonald's is CRACK! I think I'll treat myself to one later today.

- Looking forward to the long weekend! I miss my nephews. And my Godson. I need to hookup a play date with them.

- The question of the day on the radio this morning was for the men: If your woman was more powerful than you are and made a ton more money, would you take her last name in marriage? I'd like the men to answer that...and I'd like the women to chime in as well on if they'd want their man to take their last name...or if they'd NOT change theirs. Think Oprah...or even Kardashian status.

- I wanna be in Mexico. I wish all my Soul Siesta folks safe travels today and a lot of fun!

- Basketball Wives starts on Monday...and I must say, I'm looking forward to it!

- There's nothing on TV but basketball for me now.

- I have to see this documentary - just watching this segment is heartbreaking.

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

We're all beautiful - each and every one of us...simply because we're a child of God.

- I'm wearing a bright red dress today - need to bust out the red lips!

- Today's throwback! "Aww man homie...my mind's playin' tricks on me!" LOL!



Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!


I saw a man taking a “bird bath” on the subway this morning. By bird bath, I mean he was wiping himself down with a wet wash cloth, but doing it under his clothes. He didn’t appear to be homeless – his hair was cut, his clothes seemed clean…he just looked crazy. There is no reason to tell you this other than to say that he creeped everyone out on the train today – including me – and I couldn’t wait til Random Thoughts Thursday to share. That is all.

Now, the blog today.

I usually read other people’s blogs at night after I get home from the gym. It’s my time to relax and unwind and muse about the word around me. I catch up with the Witches (they can be a time suck at work if I’m not careful), Latinegro, Sugar Plum Smiles, Very Smart Brothers.com and The Fresh Xpress. Someone on my FB feed posted a link to an article on the Fresh Xpress titled “Why Are All the Pretty Girls Married?”

The article itself is not what intrigued me. I don’t think all pretty girls are married, but I DO know that being considered pretty has its perks. It’s all relative, like anything else.

However, the comments to the article were a little more interesting to me. Most of the women who commented said that they and their friends are pretty, but not married – which seemed to suggest a flaw in the author’s reasoning. The author, who is male, and other men responded this way: You may THINK you and your friends are pretty, but you probably really are not.

Wow.

What struck me is that men said most women think they’re female friends are prettier than they really are. They suggested that we judge beauty on less superficial things, like character, personality, intelligence, and generally what kind of friend they are. We think our friends are beautiful simply because they’re our friends.

While they conceded that that is what we SHOULD be judging beauty on, men rate women differently – and can separate a good person from a pretty woman. One man suggested that a pretty woman is a pretty woman…and if she just happens to be smart, funny and has a great personality – that’s just icing on the cake.

Now, I’m a woman who thinks all of her friends are attractive. I can honestly say that most of the women I can call friends are pretty…if not stunning. But then again, men and women judge beauty differently – and while I think I know the difference between pretty, cute, sexy, beautiful, striking or stunning – what women find attractive in other women could be (and usually is) TOTALLY different than what men find attractive in women.

But I also disagree that ALL women think all of our friends are pretty. Not so.

If you’re an insecure woman, you might surround yourself with women you may not think other men find attractive in order to make yourself look better. It’s sad to think that a woman would choose her friends this way, but I’m sure that it happens. And some say if you think you don’t have any ugly friends or fat friends…then YOU are the ugly or fat friend. Pretty harsh right?

But even if some women feel that they have an unattractive friend, or a fat friend, chances are she’d never admit it anyway. Friendships shouldn’t be about tearing each other down, but rather lifting each other up – which is why women probably can’t see their true friends as anything other than beautiful.

But what do you think? Are women blind to “beauty” (which is truly in the eye of the beholder) or see true beauty for what it is…from the inside? Or do you think we’re more insecure than we admit and choose our friends based on how pretty (or not pretty) they are?

Go!

-b

Hola mi gente!

That's me practicing my Spanish for no reason other than hating on my Soul Siesta friends who are going to Mexico without me this weekend. Can someone take me on a trip please? I'll be your bestest friend! Purrty please!

No? Well at least it's warm today...dang it!

I have so many ideas for a blog topic today that I can't narrow it down to one. My brain hurts, so I'm just going to ask a question of the day. This came to me out of a conversation I had this morning with the same co-worker who gave me my blog topic yesterday. I may need to stop by his desk every day to get some inspiration...and free tabloid magazines :-)

He said he was involved in a FB war with a friend of his who said that a couple can't be compatible if they don't share the same religious beliefs. He didn't agree, and thought that might be an interesting blog topic. And I agree.

I tend to stay away from potentially polarizing subjects - religion and politics being two - but it did make me wonder what in a person's life would keep me from dating or marrying him.

Personally, I feel your religious beliefs are your own and I have no problem dating anyone who isn't a Christian. Most people, I think, believe in something greater than themselves...and that's fine with me. We all stand before God alone on Judgement Day - and we're all responsible for our own salvation.

However, I think I'd have a harder time dating an atheist rather than someone who practiced a different faith...but that's just me. I'm not saying I can't do it - I think I actually have. But if anything, I think that would be the most challenging for me....assuming we wanted the same things out of life. If religion was the only thing that we didn't have in common, I think I could live with it. It might get tricky if children became involved, but open communication could probably help navigate that.

That being said, let me get to the question: What in someone's life - for instance, religion, occupation, ethnic background, age, health, or marital history - would keep you from marrying a person you had somehow already fallen in love with?

If there is something that that I didn't list, feel free to add it and give us your reasons why.

Go!

-b

Happy Monday!

So my co-worker comes to me this morning, “No blog post today?” I tell him that I plan to write something…just don’t know what it is yet.

“Any suggestions?” I ask.

After we go back and forth about basketball and whether calling someone a “faggot” is okay or not in the heat of NBA playoff battle – I decide to save that blog for another day…it made my head hurt.

“I have one for you. A friend of mine and I were having a discussion about cheating. He wants to know if thinking of someone else during sex with your partner is cheating.”

Good one.

Of course, being me, I had to ask who he was fantasizing about. Was it Halle Berry…or an ex girlfriend? He said out of the hundreds of times he’s had sex with his girl, he only fantasized about someone else twice. Once was with a chick he never actually had sex with, but who he WISHED he had had sex with, and the other was with an ex.

I think I was more impressed that he had only fantasized about other women two times. That takes some serious mental stamina…cuz face it – most of us are just lazy. It’s easier to dream of Idris Elba or the trainer at the gym than to actually FOCUS on your partner…or is that just me? Just me? Okay…moving on. :-)

Men are visual creatures, so it only seems natural to me that they keep a bevy of exes, celebs and any woman in between in their mental playback during sex.

But guess what? Women do it too. I know fellas, it’s hard to imagine that we could possibly be thinking of that Pro Football Player one-night-stand we had while you’re giving us the long stroke…but it happens. More than you think.

If we’re honest with ourselves, most of us have probably fantasized about someone else while having sex with our partner - but should we feel guilty? I don’t think we should.

It’s okay for your mind to wander into the fantasy realm from time to time. But what does this say about your relationship? If you’re still pining after your ex and thinking of him/her while you’re having sex – then maybe there’s a problem. But if you’re dreaming of Salma Hayek, I think you need to just get over it.

Some people feel that any kind of connection, physical or emotional, to a person outside of your relationship is cheating. Others say it’s only human nature and we all do it…so it’s nothing serious. It’s not until you get into the grey area that we can spark any real debate. That grey area would be the relationship itself.

Fantasizing about someone other than your partner during sex could be a healthy addition to your sex life. It’s only a sign of trouble if there is some other disconnect happening where the thought of being with your partner physically is emotionally or mentally agonizing.

On the surface, it may seem hurtful to consider that your partner would think about someone else while having sex with you, because you think it means he or she doesn’t love you or is detached from you. But many psychologists say it’s actually a sign of a healthy sex life. Think about it; if you weren’t deriving any pleasure from your partner at all, you would be too bored or depressed to even fantasize. Now it might be LAZY of you to fantasize rather than focusing on your partner…but hopefully it’s only happening THAT NIGHT. His friend said he only did it twice, which suggests to me that MOST of the time, he’s getting all he needs from his girl both physically AND emotionally/mentally.

But throw in marriage, kids, routine, monotony, and you might need to conjure up an image of Beyonce or Boris Kodjoe to mix things up a bit.

Fantasizing is born out pleasure, not so much about wishing your partner were someone else. It’s an ego boost for you more than an attack on your partner’s self esteem. It can also be a healthy way to add variety to your sex life - again something which signals a sex life that is alive and thriving rather than one that has become boring or non-existent. You can think of it as a “safe” way to cheat :)

There is a world of difference between thinking and doing. Simply thinking about someone does not constitute making an emotional connection with that person - much less a physical one. And without that kind of legitimate bond, it can hardly be considered cheating. We’re all human after all: just because we commit to someone doesn’t mean we stop being attracted to other people. Cheating only comes into play when you ACT on that attraction.

So if you find yourself picturing Darren Sharper (that man is FINE) the next time your partner is beating the brakes off you doggy style, don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s perfectly normal; and as long as your heart is in the right place, there is nothing wrong with letting your mind drift a little bit.

What say you? Is it cheating, and should you share your fantasies with your partner - or just keep them to yourself?

Go!

-b

TGIF!!!

So, I would ask you all what you have planned for the weekend…but since the end of the world begins tomorrow, I won’t. According to Harold Camping, the head of Family Radio broadcasting network, the apocalypse kicks off on Saturday, May 21…so there go my plans to see Thor.

All joking aside, while I DON’T believe the end of the world begins tomorrow, I DO believe that tomorrow is never promised to you. To us. To anyone.

But without a deadline, many of us don’t live life as if it’s our last day on earth…every day. There’s no urgency to say “I love you,” or “I’m sorry,”…no urgency to do something we know we should do, or always wanted to do. Since we cannot conceive of an end to ourselves, we think we have all the time in the world to do what we want when we get good and ready.

But if you knew the world would end tomorrow, what would you do today? What would you say to those you care about, or even to those who have no idea how you feel about them? Who would you want to spend your last few hours with, and what would you be doing?

Since most of us don’t have the luxury of knowing when we’ll take our last breath, or when someone we love will be taken from us, it makes sense that we should tell those we love that we love them every chance we get. I never hang up the phone with my mother, sister or nephews without saying “I love you.” Ever. It’s something that’s been ingrained in me since childhood – my mother never let my sister and I go to bed angry with each or without saying “I love you.” And I’m so grateful she instilled that in us.

But I can’t say the same about my girlfriends…or my male friends for that matter. If the world were to end tomorrow, instead of assuming they knew how I felt about them, I’d pick up the phone and call each and every one of them to let them know that I love and appreciate them all for their friendship, encouragement and support. If you’re reading this post, that means you :-)

But aside from love, what about forgiveness? Is there someone out there you’re holding a grudge against? Or is there someone out there you need to apologize to and ask forgiveness from? If so, what is keeping you from doing it? Whatever it is, let it go. Forgiveness is a powerful thing…whether granting it or asking for it. But since tomorrow isn’t promised to you, don’t hold onto or reject anything that doesn’t bring you peace.

If you could do anything in the world with your life, and knew you wouldn’t fail – what would it be? What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Many of us keep ourselves from doing bigger and better things in our lives because we live in fear - we’re afraid to fail, or to reach higher than our outstretched hand can grasp. Let go of your fears, don’t cling to the past, and accept the invitation to grow. Let your life unfold into a stream of amazing moments.

To me, living each day of your life as if it’s your last is about being grateful, and expressing that gratitude with every breath you take. We should be grateful for each experience that teaches us something and for whoever comes – because each has been sent as a guide from above. Every morning is a new arrival, and each day is a chance to do better, to be better and to love harder.

The moment we realize this, it’s amazing how the universe brings more love to your doorstep, begins to help you achieve your goals and works in your favor. The universe is God’s self portrait, and since no one knows when it’ll end but Him, put Him behind the thoughts that guide your every word, your every emotion and your every action. You’ll train yourself to be in the habit of giving love and showing gratitude every day of your life, and you’ll live each day with no regrets.

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- This rain has got to go. It would be sexy if I didn't have to go to work.

- The Chicago/Heat series is shaping up to be a good one!

- Speaking of...I find that I'm not watching anything on tv nowadays except basketball. Not DWTS, not Law & Order, The Voice, nothing...not even the free premium channels I haggled for. It's either the news, ESPN or the playoffs.

- oh wait...can't lie....16 & Pregnant is my guilty pleasure. I'm terrified of having kids.

- and Oprah....I'm gonna cry when her last show airs. I feel it all in my chest :-(

- Derrick Rose is a cutie ;-)

- The Terminator played himself. Not that Maria Shriver is the bangin'est chick, but c'mon son.

- Should I be concerned that I can't find an expiration date on the rice I have in my kitchen? How long does it normally take for rice to go bad?

- I had waffles for dinner last night. That was all I could muster.

- My apartment smells like spiced apples....mmmmm!

- You all have been very entertaining on the blog this week :-) Thank you!

- My nails are so long I can barely type. Time for a mani...I feel like I have claws!

- Need to get my hair did too....it's starting to beat my brains out.

- Steak for lunch today! I just realized that I tend to eat steak on Random Thoughts Thursday :-)

- I need a beach and a fruity drink....and a warm sunset.

- I really miss Cole :-(

- How can any "doctor" or "expert" deny that Black women are some of the most (if not THE most) beautiful women on the planet? He can't be serious.

- Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga on SNL - is it really that deep that people are camping out and there's a tent city at 30 Rock? My living room will do just fine.

- I can't wait to just SLEEP this weekend.

- Anyone seen Thor? Is it good?

- So instead of a video to show you, Brian decided to give you all a gift for the RTT Throwback. If you are a Tribe fan, you should just let this play...a free (legal) download of the best of A Tribe Called Quest. You can thank him later...this ish is HOT!

Listen to DJ M-Rock x A Tribe Called Quest - The Best of A Tribe Called Quest Mixtape

Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday!

Someone recently asked me what my “type” is – the type of guy I usually fall for. While I don’t think I have a type per se, my sister always said I dated “nerdy” guys. I personally like to refer to them as “academic” – because “nerdy” seems to imply that they’re socially inept, or lack muscles and wear tight pants and thick glasses….not that there’s anything wrong with that :-)

I just always enjoyed a man who could hold a conversation, and this goes back to my teenage years when I first discovered that boys were good for more than just racing them down the street or climbing trees.

In high school, while I didn’t date much, the one boyfriend I DID have was probably considered a nerd by societal standards. He was in college, loved comic books, wore corny glasses, and the closest he got to being “edgy” was listening to Public Enemy. And I think my mother let me date him because he seemed “safe.” Most “nerds” appear to be that way…especially during their younger years.

But don’t let that sweetness, smarts, and self-deprecation fool you. They're freaks...or so I've heard ;-)

As I’ve gotten older, it seems “nerdy” guys are the preferred choice among women who overlooked them during our high school and college years. And guess what? These nerds know it. They’ve spent their 20’s and 30’s “regrouping” and growing into their intelligent sexiness and behold: they’re now some of the biggest players out there.

I actually once dated a guy that told me that he really liked me and all, but wanted to “keep me in his back pocket” until he was ready to settle down. Not because he was a commitment phobe, but because women never gave him the time of day back when he was a teenager. Now as an adult, he’s finally getting some play, and wants to milk it while he can since he never experienced it before. I told him to let me know how that works out for him and I’ll be over here…somewhere OTHER than his back pocket. The nerve! :-)

Now, the nerd dude is constantly looking for the next best thing – trading up to see how far he can get to make up for lost time. They suck women in with the “I was so intimidated by you back then” or “I was so self conscious and insecure, I could never get a woman like you” line and next thing you know, we’re smitten. Then once we buy into the idea that he’s “grateful” to be with us, BAM! He’s gone, off to the next one. It's the classic nerd boy okie doke :-)

Not that this has happened to me :-)

I’ve always appreciated the “academics” – they just never knew it. But they know it now. They thought I would’ve never dated them in high school or college because they bought into the idea that women only wanted athletes/jocks or frat boys. But men would be surprised to know that most women like the unassuming, shy guy in the corner with a perfect 4.0 GPA. You didn’t have to know how to dribble a ball, score a touchdown or belong to some group in order to get our attention. We appreciate you, just the way you are. I’ll admit most women are superficial and shallow….but not all of us. I enjoyed being one of the few women who didn't jump on the new Seth Rogan bandwagon....I always liked those "types."

Fast forward 20 years, and the nerdy guy now has CEO swag, wearing sharp suits and cardigans and funky sneakers on the weekends at the local Apple store. He’s now a “post-nerd”…an intelligent man secure in himself - in all of his adulthood splendor. That high school invisibility is now man in full view, and I have to share him with the women who were blind to him before. I took pride in being the girl who refused to date athletes, who could see the person beneath the Converse and past his horn rimmed glasses. It used to be only I could detect the sexy within…now, all my 30 something counterparts are clamoring for my “type” - and he’s loving every bit of it.

-b

Dear Brookey,

Where should I begin - the here and now, or when we met? When I met my husband, we started a "no-future" dating game :-) We both stated we had no desire to have a "title," just that we would have some fun. However, as we all know, time eventually makes you start to have feelings - mutual feelings. Whoever said you can't turn a HO into a housewife/husband was completely WRONG! My husband was Mr. GQ - the ladies man, sexy body like a God, fun, and seriously had it going on!

So now married with two kids - 7 years later, I'm getting completely bored with my life. I've always had male friends, I don't deal with women - too much drama! But being married, I had to cut everyone off -except one, the one who has always had my heart for 20 years now.
It didn't matter that we didn't speak for 2 years after I got married, there has always been that soft spot.

I don't want to be with him, but I miss him. I miss talking about anything and everything. I can't do that with another woman. The last woman that I hung out with ended up sleeping with a guy that kept trying to talk to me - and I would give him NO TIME. So he took the next best thing - my girl! Needless to say, when she finally told me she slept with him, she also told me he gave her herpes! "Wow" was all I could say. I couldn't even ask her why she would do such a thing, knowing he was trying to get my attention.

That being said, I don't have to question a man trying to get with my husband, only him trying to get with me. And that would only happen if I allowed it. I so long to have someone to hang with like two women would. I know eventually the chemistry changes and that ends the friendship. I can deal with that when it happens, but right now, I'm miserable. My husband/family is my life. We wake up, go to bed, to the store, watch movies, just sit and do nothing- TOGETHER, everyday, all day! This repetition is driving me crazy. And to make matters worse, I recently found out my long lost best friend lives damn near next door to me. Talk about temptation. I just can't fight it.

I've come clean with my husband that I need to have a friend- a male friend. And of course he got upset and is completely against it. That's what I miss and that's my desire. Not to sleep with anyone - GOD no! The thought of another man caressing me disgusts me. My husband's attitude prevents that open "girl" talk. I'm just ever so confused. I know it's the wrong thing to do, I don't want to lose my husband, but in the meantime I'm losing myself. It's completely selfish to want my cake and eat it too, but what can a girl do?

-Confused

Dear Confused,

I do think healthy friendships are necessary to have outside of your marriage – both male and female friendships. I understand that sometimes women can be catty, petty, untrustworthy, etc. – but that doesn’t mean that a good female friend doesn’t exist for you out there somewhere. Sometimes it simply comes down to being a better judge of character where friendships are concerned. That woman you spoke of simply wasn’t the best choice for you.

Sidenote: If she knew you had no interest in that guy, maybe she didn’t think he was off limits. Now, she probably should have asked you if you would mind if she hit it just to be sure – but at the end of the day, she may have felt she did nothing wrong since you made it clear you had no interest in him. I know it's kinda shady, and I probably would have kept my distance too, but technically she did nothing wrong. Just my two cents on that.

Now…back to your husband. I understand life can become routine once the honeymoon is over and the kids come. You can’t be as spontaneous as you once were, or sometimes the kids make it impossible to be romantic or feel sexy when you’re exhausted from taking them to soccer practice and picking Cheerios out of your hair. I get it.

But that’s what you signed up for. Marriage is work. Period. You have to mix things up and take some initiative to take the humdrum out of your less than exciting life. It takes both of you to work it out – not a third person. Instead of asking your husband if you can have a male friend, you should be telling him how you feel and asking what you both can do to fix it. He might be feeling the same boredom, so it’s possible he’ll welcome a chance to get things poppin’ again. He could have interpreted your asking for a male friend as, “I need someone to replace your boring ass.” Your new male friend won’t make your home life less boring, he’ll just add some excitement OUTSIDE of it. It might make your life a little more interesting for a little while, but eventually you’ll want to spend more time with the new guy instead of your husband…then you’re playing with fire.

While I do think there is nothing wrong with having a male friend, I DO believe that your husband should be your BEST friend. If you feel you can’t confide in him, then that’s something that needs to be addressed. I know most husbands would prefer you vent to your girlfriends about the woman at work who got on your last nerve, or talk about the new shoes you just bought – so it may be frustrating that you can’t share everything with your husband like you would a girlfriend. But a male friend would actually be no different. No dude, unless your new BFF is gay, wants to hear that crap either. He may pretend to be interested, but he’ll simply be putting in his time until your husband messes up and you use your “in case of emergency, break glass dick in a glass case.” No dude is gonna wanna be your shoulder to cry on while you go home and screw your husband. If your friend is single and has feelings for you, he won’t give a damn about your husband. While you’re complaining that your husband personality is like watching paint dry, the new guy is gonna look all shiny and pretty – your husband will look crusty and dry. The new friend will encourage your complaints until he’s literally in there. Then you’ll wake up looking for your panties wondering what the hell happened.

You say this man has been your heart for 20 years now, and that you realize chemistry between men and women can change and become dangerous. Saying you’ll deal with it when it comes suggests to me that you KNOW one day someone will catch feelings. It sounds to me like you already have, or are open to it. Is he the one who got away? Why does this man still have your heart? It’s a slippery slope, because for most women, where our heart goes, our body will soon follow. It’s science, or magic …or something like that :-) The thought of another man touching you might disgust you NOW, but that will soon pass if you find yourself growing closer to your friend.

Also, keep in mind that if your husband DOES agree to allow this man to be your friend, you’ve now given him a pass to go out and get himself a new friend too. You have to ask yourself how you’d feel if he did that…especially if it’s some chick who “has his heart” and whatnot. You may say now that it wouldn’t bother you…or think he would never do that, but I’d think again. If he’s just as bored as you are, fuckery will ensue. Trust me.

I say think about it before reaching out to this old friend of yours. Look at it from your husband’s perspective and ask yourself how you’d honestly feel if he came to you with the same proposition. And then ask yourself if you’ve really done everything you could to add some spice to your home life. If you think you have, then I suggest you tread lightly while reconnecting with your old friend. If you’d be doing it behind your husband’s back, consider the consequences. Think about how he’d feel if he found out and how that would affect your marriage. Sometimes you don’t know what you have until you’re about to lose it, so make sure this old friend is definitely worth putting your marriage at risk.

If he is, then have him over for dinner so your husband can meet him. You’ll have to make him feel totally secure with your friendship with this dude. In the meantime though, get a babysitter and go out on a romantic date with your husband. Stay overnight in a hotel and get busy. Work on your marriage first, see if things get better, AND THEN get in touch with your friend later – like say in a couple months. You may find that your husband is, and always has been, the only true friend you really need.

Blog fam, chime in!

-b

TGIF!!

Okay, so eBlogger is trippin'. I'm convinced that their server will crash every Random Thoughts Thursday....so I apologize to all of you who had some stuff to get off your chest yesterday. All this tells me is I need to get off eBlogger and get my own website. It's something I've been thinking of doing for a while now, so I guess I need to get on that...and my book ;-)

I also had a "Dear Brookey" letter ready to post today at 9am, but eBlogger made it magically disappear...so now I have to type it all back up again. I don't have time for this foolishness, but I'll re-type and re-post for Monday.

So...since it's Friday and we all ain't got sh*t else to do, let's do a Friday Sexy Survey. We haven't done one in a while...so let's go!

1. What is your favorite code name or slang term for having sex?

2. What type of body type do you respond to most?

3. What personality type do you find to be most sexy?

4. What type of games, if any, do you play in relationship? Most of us claim NOT to play games since we're grown, so if that's the case...what games did you USED TO play when you were younger and immature.

5. Do you think you could be happy if you could look into the future see that you'd never be married or have children?

6. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you feel you know/understand the opposite sex?

7. Is sex (for you) more of a way for you to express your love, or to gratify your sexual needs?

8. What is your favorite song/type of music to have sex to?

9. Do you generally become more or less sexually attracted to your lover as you become increasingly familiar and at ease with one another?

10. How promiscuous would you be if you knew your mate would be as faithful as you wished and, without resentment, give you any sexual freedoms you asked for?

Go!

-b

- Brian's throwback this week!









Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

It's late in the day, but never to late to let out a little rant :-)

More things I don’t have time for:

1. People who air their dirty laundry on Facebook.

2. Toxic friendships

3. People who read my computer screen at work. I used to have a screen protector, but we got new monitors that are too big for my screen protector, have to get another one.

4. People who don’t say thank you when you hold the elevator for them.

5. Pop-up surveys on websites that prevent you from reading an article.

6. People who text or take phone calls while on a date.

7. Creepy UNSOLICITED dirty talk. I’ll let that one sink in a bit.

8. Unsolicited dating advice from women who hate men.

9. Women who wear cocktail dresses to sporting events.

10. Excess make-up.

11. Twitter.

12. Working late hours just because…

13. Holding grudges.

14. Constantly meeting others’ needs before my own, or while mine are not being met.

15. Mind reading.

16. Making excuses and procrastinating – I need to start on my book.

17. My landline.

18. My VCR.

19. Obnoxious ring tones.

20. All these damn OT's in the NBA Playoffs - a chick needs to go to bed! (great games though!)

Let's hear yours! Go!

-b

Hey blog fam!

Happy Birthday Yolanda!

I'm taking a poll - Question of the day:

If a man over the age of 35 and has never been married or doesn't have any children - is that too good to be true (a commodity) or a red flag (like what is wrong with this dude)?

A man I know said that if either of these is true, a woman should RUN because a) either he's emotionally unstable, or a commitment phobe, b) a serial womanizing bachelor or c) crazy and possibly irresponsible. His argument is that a man who has at least attempted marriage may be open to love and able to commit. And if he's had a child(ren), it may force him to "grow up" so to speak, where he'd become a responsible and patient individual. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but in general, do you think he's correct?

Not sure if this applies to a woman of the same stats....but if you wanna chime in about the opposite sex, please do.

Go!

-b

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Happy Random Thoughts Thursday and Feliz Cinco de Mayo! The mariachis were in full effect on the subway this morning!

- Speaking of Mexico, I want to go during Memorial weekend, but my money told me no :-(

- Why did my heat come on this morning? It needs to just be HOT already. Geesh!

- I hate straddling between winter boots and summer sandals. These flats ain't gettin' it.

- I'm off tomorrow so I can attend my dear friend Denice's wedding! Should be fabulous!

- Being pigeon toed looks like it hurts...or at the very least could be VERY uncomfortable.

- What IS comfortable are panties by The Gap. Love them, they're so soft!

- Every day, the same guy asks me for scripts for shows that air on History Channel or Lifetime. And every day I have to remind him that I work for A&E. This has been happening for like 3 months now...I wonder when he's gonna get it? It's starting to get on my damn nerves.

- If Time Warner raises my cable bill one more time, it's gonna be some furniture moving around here. I had to call them, tell them about themselves, and then get it lowered $30 while "encouraging" them give me extra premium channels for my trouble. The same song and dance every year - but it must be done. They trippin'.

- Meanwhile, I rarely even watch HBO or Showtime...go figure.

- I made the BOMB shrimp scampi last night....made you wanna slap your mama down!

- Anyone doing anything fun for that special mother in your life this weekend? Planning on taking mine (mother and sister) out to dinner, but I've run out of ideas for gifts. Any suggestions?

- Last year, my nephews made me a Mother's Day card, even though I'm not a mommy. They said, "Well, you're LIKE our mommy...and we love you." My heart exploded with happiness and pride. Those moments are priceless.

- Happy early Mother's Day to Annamaria...and now Serena! And if there are any other mothers (or LIKE mothers) out there, Happy Mother's Day to you too!

- Date night with Annamaria on Monday should be fun :-)

- I wrote a poem called "Red Lips" but it might be a bit too racy to share with the blog ;-)

- Where the hell is Ant?

- So nice when Facebook can reconnect you with old friends. I must say, the Syracuse University network is one big happy family...very proud of us. I bleed Orange!

- Getting a mani and possibly a pedi at lunch today!

- Forgot to sign up for spinning today, so I have to motivate myself on the freakin' elliptical machine. I'll be watching my Beyonce videos on my iPod so I can imagine myself looking like her. Her body, not her face. I like her face, but I like mine better :)

- Some people say they don't believe we really killed Osama bin Laden. What do you think?

- And if we did, then NO, I don't need to see the proof....no photos, videos, nothing. Not something to celebrate in that manner. If he ain't dead, he'll be making a mix tape next week.

- No matter what our President does, he can't please everyone. Eff 'em.

- Our First Lady is so fly! She works the Dougie :-) LOL!



- This week's throwback! You KNOW I was feelin' this - they bring out ALL the Philly in me :-)



Go!

-b

As a male, I have always wondered if women cheat. In college, I unfortunately found this out on my own when a girl I was seriously dating and madly in love with broke the news to me. She was my first love and I was completely devastated. It shattered my belief that all women were as virtuous as Lula Bell (last name omitted to protect the identity of this writer) :-)

As much as I had previously contemplated this question, as I’ve grown the question morphed into “Do married women cheat?” To give you some perspective and before allowing you to weigh in, I am a 38 year old single male that works in a professional setting where the ratio of women to men are about 7 to 1. As a relatively attractive (relative to me and my momma!), I have experienced quite a dynamic in this environment.

When I was first hired, I heard the hushed tones that emanated throughout the office about the “new guy.” I would get a random walk by of my office or, when they were feeling particularly bold, come right in and launch into conversation in spite the fact that it was known I was in a serious relationship and there were children involved. I purposefully left the impression that I was involved despite not being in an actual relationship. It can best be described as letting an alcoholic run loose in a liquor store. I figured if I set boundaries, then no lines would be crossed.

The exception being the one relationship I elected to pursue, or should I say the one the pursued me?

This relationship was questionable from the start, not only because we work together, but because she was actually…….Married. What was more shocking to me were her efforts at flirting and how this relationship developed. It was an agonizing decision as she was/is absolutely gorgeous and commands the room whenever she is present. I would see other men come into our office and hit on her relentlessly…and to think she was interested in me.

The relationship developed over 2 years in spite of this encumbrance. We spoke frequently (nightly) via phone both in and out of the office for hours a day. I could not wait to “take her ass down!” For the next 18 months I engaged her. For 18 months we flirted. Then we flirted some more. And that is all we did.

She would ultimately decide not to give in to her inhibitions, in spite of professing her love for me at one point. I had grown quite attached, and frankly was crushed by the situation (Guys I know… I set the game back ten years with this one!) You see, for 18 months she convinced me of how unhappy her marriage was and she was trying to leave (Do all cheaters use this line??) etc. We had kissed just once, and had even sexted - yet she could not bring herself to “do it.”

In my mind, “you sent me naked pictures of yourself.” I’m confused. She shared a part of herself that only someone with whom she was intimately involved with should see, yet she felt she had not cheated. She considered her actions innocent and worthy of the way her husband treated her at the time - but not cheating (WTF???)

There have been other attempts, but I have not dared to cross that line again. However, I am curious: How many of you married women have actually had extramarital affairs? Please indicate what your definition of cheating is. Would you ever reveal it to your spouse? I have a sneaky suspicion this happens more than most women care to admit.

Guys: How many of you have had an affair with a married woman and has it changed your perspective on marriage?

-Anonymous

Now keep in mind, I was in my 20’s when this was going down. I was in MUCH better shape, and even with a bum knee, I was very nimble. I’ve never had a problem with flexibility, and my enthusiasm was that of a cheerleader. It was gonna be on and poppin’!

At first it was great, and he was thoroughly pleased that I took some initiative in the “puttin’ in on him” department. I’ve always been an active participant in my own sex life, so I was stepping up my game so to speak. I took pride in that actually :-)

All was going well until we got a little too excited. I was buckin’ like a banshee, a wild child in a sexy rodeo until….I fell off the bed.