Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
I don't even feel like blogging today - how do I even BEGIN to top yesterday's discussion?? Fury was a hit! I think I'll just turn my blog over to him on TMI Tuesdays :-)
Anyway, since I have a hard act to follow, can we just talk about women who tell too much of their damn business? Now, I've been accused of being tight-lipped, vague, private...even secretive. I don't believe that to be true, but I think what I DO consider myself to be...is a bit discreet. I can be very forthright when I want to be, but I'm not that way with everyone. And when it comes to men I'm dating, seeing, etc., I pick and choose wisely what I want to share, and how much I divulge on any given subject.
But a good friend of mine believes in total disclosure. She thinks that's her way of being "honest." While I don't LIE about my personal business, I don't spill it all willy nilly either. What prompted this topic today was a conversation I had with her last night. She told me that she thinks the guy she's been seeing may look at her differently now that she told him how many men she's slept with. Yes, you read that right...and she was honest about the number.
WTF Wednesday...here we go.
huh? why would you do that?
Her: "Well, I wanted to be honest...begin with a clean slate."
First of all, what guy still asks that question in this day and age? Really?
Second. There are ways to answer that question without telling the number, or lying. You can say, "I've been with just enough to not suck at it." Or you can smile and say, "A lady never tells...and I'm a lady."
Or my favorite. "Why do you wanna know?"
If he presses the issue, give him a kiss and distract him by saying, "The number doesn't matter since none of my exes were nearly as sexy as you Big Daddy."
That gets 'em every time :-)
She claims she doesn't "think fast on her feet" like I do - even though my answers weren't that clever if you ask me. I think women have been asked that question enough to know how to answer it by now. "How many men have you slept with?" is right up there with "Am I the best sex you've ever had?"
And guess what? If he's not the best sex you've ever had, don't tell him THAT either! Now, that may require a little fib to save his ego, but I'm sure a woman would want him to lie too if SHE wasn't the best sex he's ever had either. Just say yes and make him feel like the stud that he is.
While we're at it, here are some more things you should never tell...or admit:
1. Where you learned your signature sex move. If he didn't teach you, you don't have to tell him that the guy who was the best sex you ever had showed you how to twist your body or move your mouth like that. I'm sure he's figured out that you weren't born with that skill...so don't offer up anything else. Trust me, he could care less, so long as you're using that move on HIM now.
2. Don't tell him that you still think about your ex...especially sexually. That's a given - No dude wants to think that you see your ex's face while you're doing the nasty.
3. Don't tell him that you think his best friend is hot either. He'll never invite you to watch the game with him and his boys ever again.
4. Don't tell him that you occasionally snoop through his phone, his email, his call log, or go through his pockets while he's asleep. Obvious, I know - but I know a few chicks who have let it "slip" that they "saw" something on his phone that she shouldn't have. It's your secret.
5. Please, please, please! Don't tell him that you once had sex with your best male friend. Continue to let him think that you look at your friend like a play cousin...even if you still occasionally envision him naked.
I'm sure you can think of more, so I'll stop here. There are just some things that should remain a mystery...like how you get the hair off your va-jay-jay if you don't wax, or what you look like when you're sick, drunk or hungover. Don't tell him when you have gas or that you bleach your mustache. Men don't need to know everything, just like there are some things men should keep from us. Don't ask any questions you're not willing to answer yourself, and if you do - have your answers (or lies) prepared. Other than that, just let him wonder how you manage to be perfect all the time :-)
-b
38 comments:
FIRST BEOTCHES
First beotches
OK MY COMPUTER IS BUGGING OUT SO I WAS FIRST TWICE! LOL
Anywho.. Brooke I think you just told on yourself...LOL
I'm gonna add a question not to ask(even though I'm secretly sitting here wanting to tase Annamaria)
Do you still love her?
No comment on what Brooke just told us about herself cause I think she was speaking in general ;)
This is a good Blog Brooke.. I agree with everything you said!!! LOL
#5--I made that mistake. My best friend and I had a fling that lasted for a few months, before deciding that we were better off as friends. We became so close that my parents eventually considered him their son, he made me the godmother of his baby--we were like family. I told my ex that he and I had had sex 4 years prior--and he had a problem with the guy after that...didnt want me hanging around him, didn't want me seeing my godson--he went crazy with it. That's partially what ended our relationship--but at any rate--I never made that mistake again. Anytime a guy asked if me and the dude ever had sex, I give them a big old NO. Lie or no lie, it's hurting no one, and everyone is happier this way.
I later found out that my friend never told his girl (now his fiance), and thought I was a lunatic for telling my ex.
I know it is not fare to judge a woman based on how many men she slept with, but it is best for a woman to keep it to herself.
Even though a man will say they don’t care, most of them do and may look at you differently..
@ThATgirl - Never tell your man you slept with your male friend!! LOL
The list that brooke provided couldnt be better!! LOL
I guess I'm the male version of you, Brooke-Ra - I really choose what I reveal very carefully. And while I have a no-lying policy, I certainly don't reveal any and everything if it's not warranted and will cause more harm than good.
Your responses to the guy's question are very similar to responses I've given in the past. Good blog - you would think what you've written is common sense, but it really isn't for many.
@Annamaria,
I didn't tell on myself, I don't bleach my mustache :-) Huh...what mustache? ;)
And I don't have any male BEST friends that I've slept with. So I think I'm safe :-) LOL!
Ok, so I get that you should keep some things to yourself, but don't you think that if you lie about it that it wouldn't come out eventually? I think that if I was dating a guy that had hooked up with a good female friend like THATgirl described, I would feel utterly betrayed if it ever came to light. I would feel that since it wasn't mentioned, then there's A REASON why and some dirt was being done behind my back.
I'm not saying lie about that, I'm saying don't offer it up. I'm all for telling the truth to a outright question (well, maybe not the "am I the best" question) ;) But this blog was more about what you tell WILLINGLY. Loose lips, not lying. Something like having had sex with a best friend is something you share only if asked flat out - not something you blab about just to be talking.
well shit, I'm saying LIE to that question! LOL!
I told a guy I was seeing that I slept with my best male friend and he always held it against me. To this day, I've never told another guy that I slept with my best male friend. It's not worth it. He never tells anyone that he's seeing about our past, and we don't want each other that way. It was a mistake, and it should have never happened, so we treat each other like it never happened. That first guy was very insecure, so this just fueled that and he never let it go. It got the point where he even confronted my male friend saying stuff like "you still want her don't you?" He thought me hanging out with my male friend was me playing him for a fool, when nothing could be further from the truth. So I say, LIE to that question! LOL!
Like Stef said--my ex thought my friend was talking about him behind his back, asking me who was better, making "yeah I used to tap that" type comments--all kinds of ridiculousness that wasn't even happening. It was my ex's insecurity more than anything else, but that little bit of information caused alllot of trouble!
And there is no reason to feel betrayed--how would that affect you if you knew it, BESIDES make you feel awkward around them, and fill your head with all kinds of crazy thoughts? If they had sex YEARS ago and never went back to it--I don't see what the problem is. I've never asked a man that about his female friends, and I guess I just don't care to know, because I know how little it means.
@Thatgirl, @ Stef: I didn't think those times counted - LOL!
My philosophy is we are friends for a reason. Sometimes you have to go through those experiences in order to realize that this is supposed to be your friend. If your partner is not mature enough to understand that then by all means LIE!!
I totally agree with this list. Moreover, why the hell ask these questions? I once had an ex of mine tell me how many men she slept with out of frustration in an argument she was having with a relative (ie. Dammit I've fucked (#) men I've been busy but not that busy)
that number was pretty high for her age at the time. Lol
I didn't judge. Hell it made sense cuz damn practice made perfect.
but really the best way to keep a happy relationship is not to ask and def don't tell
I'm with B on this one...
I dont ask questions that I may have trouble with the answers to. If I ask, then I have to be prepared to deal with the answers, and move on. That's why I dont...
On the other side of it, I keep my business close to me. There are things I share, but things like that go better left unsaid.
Your friend and mine,
DMoe
kinda like Chris Rock said once...
"Why are you askin how many dudes she's been with? IS there a right answer??...
"Yo baby, how many dudes you been with?"
"Two."
"TWO??? TWO!!!! Awwwww HELLL NAWWW! TWO??? Two???.....I guess thats how you was raised..."
lmao
The only question you should ever answer is how many people have you been with before me.
The correct answer is ALWAYS ZERO! I am a virgin. That way there are no comparisons or anything to question. Problem solved.
Well, if you're a virgin, then those questions are easy for you :)
@DMoe, I thought about Chris Rock too when my friend told me she was honest with the answer. Chris Rock was like "women will lie about how many men they've f*cked IN COURT!"
I was wondering why she didn't :)
I think she only told him because she thought he would tell HER his number. Didn't happen that way.
No you don't have to be a virgin. That should just ALWAYS be your response! ROFL
hmmm...I'll have to remember that one :)
Guys should just be grateful they are swimming in it and shut the fuck up.
let the church say amen Craig.
AMEN!
I could care less who she learned it from. Show me what you workin wit! I thank whoever it was for teaching you so I can now reap the rewards! LOL!
I think all that is just silly, and I DO know women who talk too damn much about their business thinking they're being "honest" when really they're telling too much too soon. Like Rameer said, you'd think it was common sense for most women to leave something to the imagination, but not so much. I know a woman like all the scenarios Brooke listed, and you nailed...keep it to yourself!
Hey everyone,
I'm back now since the domination blog wasn't my thing :)
Anyway, I wanna say that Sarkism's note is a good one - don't ask if he still loves her, cuz if he says anything but no, he's in trouble! LOL! And of course he'll say no, even if he really does and all his actions say yes.
My thing is, if I'm with you now, that's all that matters. Who you were with before me is in the past. Who I was with before him, is in the past. People who ask these questions are insecure.
And women who tell all their business are trying too hard to and to me, have something to hide under all the business they tell. What is your motivation? Most women who talk too much really do it because they wanna know the answer to those questions themselves. I don't care who came before me, so long as there is no one after me.
When I was a young lad...I asked a lady how many men she'd been with...She gave me a number...I pulled out my cell phone and started punching the numbers in...She asked me what I was doing...I told her I calling the phone number she gave me...;-/
I never ask a woman how many....Cuz I don't want her asking my skanky ass how many women I've been with..My intentions are pure, I alway put my best dick forward...Um, I mean my best FOOT forward...but dammit...My SHAFT is a HO....I'm working through it....Me and Tiger...
P.S. I call him SHAFT, cuz he got a seventies fro' and he's a BAAAAD MUTHA SHUT YO MOUTH!!!!!
LMAO@ Craig!!!!
Brooke, where do you find these people???!!! LOL!!!
Can you imagine if we all had our number of sex partners on blast like Tiger?? Wow!
Craig, you're a mess!
Stef, they find me :)
@ Stef -
Just like "regular people"...
Tiger's number was somewhere around 12-15.
If someone told you 12-15, yhat means multiply it by 2, carry your 4 and bring down the 7.
That means the real number somewhere in the high 30's.
LMAO.
DMoe
@DMoe,
Well, I don't want MY number out there, I might put Tiger to shame :) No, I'm kidding.
Okay, I'm not :) LOL!
But I'm gonna go with anonymous' answer - "I'm a virgin" :) LOL!
I don't want no woman giving me the answer of "VIRGIN"....my mind wanders....Virgin is too close to Virginia...Imma start thinking about their population number...So saying VIRGIN is counter-productive to me...
You don't want a virgin anyway Craig, with your HO SHAFT self! LOL!
(Isaac Hayes voice) SHOW YA RIGHT, STEFFY BABY...;-)
I sho' nuff don't want no virgin...There's a saying...NEVER BE THE FIRST and NEVER BE THE LAST...haha...
I want a woman that's been down the block...not AROUND the block...
I love you Craig!
Brooke, you should let Craig guest blog again! LOL!
Craig can guest whenever he wants, he knows that :)
Love you too, Stef! Oh, new blog coming soon..;-)
Oh gag me with a spoon already Stef and Craig! LOL!
Brooke, when are you gonna let me gueset blog?
Post a Comment