Monday, January 12, 2009

It's Okay to be Mad

Happy Monday everyone!

In case you missed the EAGLES/giants game yesterday, here are the highlights :-)

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You know, as I was getting all the HATER texts and emails yesterday from my mostly male NY friends, it occurred to me - it may not be possible for me to marry or procreate with a New Yorker who is a Giants fan. Why? We'd be a house divided :-)

I was certainly in a good mood after the Eagles win, but if I had a boo who was a die-hard Giants fan...he might have gone to bed mad at me ;-) Well, maybe not at ME, but just mad in general...and that got me to thinking - have you ever gone to bed mad at your significant other over something silly? Or maybe not so silly?

Rameer still hasn't come up off that NeYo cd, but I have heard a few of the songs off his latest offering. The song that plays continuously now (that I love!) is Mad. Take a listen:

I understand not wanting to go to bed mad at your baby. I don't like going to bed mad at anyone, personally. If it's something silly like being mad that your team lost in the playoffs, then no, you're not allowed to go to bed mad :-)

But sometimes - like in that video - things are said that we may not mean, words are spoken that we cannot take back and no one is thinking logically.

She's staring at me, I'm sitting wondering what she's thinking
Ummm Nobody's talking, cause' talking just turns into screaming (Oooo)
And now yes I'm yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what's even worse, that we don't even remember why we're fighting

So, in that case...I think it's okay to go to bed angry. I know that goes against all the couple or marriage advice out there, but think about it. Trying to stay up to resolve an issue may actually do more harm than good.

We fall into this place where you ain't backing down, and I ain't backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?

When you're angry and tired, you're not thinking straight. Neither of you are. That's when real damage can be done, especially if it's clear that neither of you are listening to each other and are no where near finding any common ground anytime soon. If neither of you are backing down at that moment, just walk away and take your behinds to sleep. Once you get some rest, you can awake refreshed with a better perspective on your disagreement and, even if you're still angry, you may be able to see your situation in a more reasonable light. Perhaps then, you and your partner will be able to discuss your differences without yelling or arguing.

Some disagreements can be resolved quickly and painlessly - like being mad that your sweetheart was talking sh*t about your team ;-) But others may require you to sleep on it and save the discussion for a new day. It's easy to take back Giants trash talk, that can be forgiven :-) But some words, once uttered, can never be taken back. So, if your relationship is worth it, take a break, get some sleep and find your equilibrium so that you both don't say or do something you'll regret later. And to all my Giants fans friends who were poppin' off at the mouth earlier, I forgive you :-)

What's the silliest thing you've ever gone to bed angry over? :-)




Keefe said...

The eagles won ...... So what!

Unknown said...

I'm so mad you have a music video interlude in your blog. Now that's cute. Congrats on your Eagles Victory! Honestly I was rooting for the G-men.

Ms. Princess said...

I'm not used to commenting this early in the a.m. Usually I'm writing my comment at 11:00 p.m. so I'm last, lol.
First, congrats Brooke-lyn to you and your Eagles. When I first read the title of your blog, I thought this was going to be all NY-bashing. It was a good game, Eli was sloppy and the Eagles came out swinging. Loved it! These are the only times I'll admit to being 25% Philadelphian...I guess. Actually all the games this past weekend were good and interesting. I was held hostage this weekend and forced to watch nothing but football games or football commentary. LOVE the Steelers. Ben Roethlisberger is an awesome QB. He was so accurate, it was almost like he froze time and walked the ball down to the receiver. Rams bumrushed their way through. R. Lewis is a beast! When did he get that big! My God.
I do agree with you. I don't believe every argument can or should be hashed out before bedtime. Sometimes, you need a break. There are times when no one will back down. You know men think they know everything and so do women (especially us Libras). You need half-time. It may take that break of an overnight's reast to realize, "This is just stupid. What are we arguing about?" I have gone to bed very angry and hurt only to wake up and realize, you know what, I'm too blessed to be this stressed. Life's too short.

Brooke said...

Keefe...get over it! You don't even like football :-)

Nicki, I try to keep you all entertained...and I LOVE NeYo!

Pranny, so good to see you so early! I had no idea you were so into football! And I agree, so many times I've gone to bed mad and then woken up like "what was I mad at again?" Sometimes you just want to hold onto being mad instead of thinking about what you really are angry about.

Anonymous said...

1. I was rooting for the Giants but we f*cked up.

2. Brooke I was a good sport & sent you a congrats text...LMAO

3. I don't think ever arguement can OR should be solved in the heat of the moment. Sometimes it's good to take a minute & a deep breath so that you can deal with things in a mature & efficient manner. Besides sometimes you end up saying things you don't mean or may regret later in the heat of the moment & that isn't helping anything.

4.I don't think there should be any rules when it comes to dating or marriage. Everybody & every relationship is different. Every situation is different. And sometimes the way you think you may handle something ends up not being close to the way you end up handling it when confronted in the situation.

5. My responses are WAY tooo long to be numbering them! lol

Brooke said...

Annamaria, yes, you were a GREAT sport yesterday. All my FEMALE friends were..and a FEW male ones.

Rene The Harlemite said...

"Those who hate shall not thrive in any other aspects of life"
Rene Proverbs 118

Congrats to Brooke, Maliek, Renee and all the Eagles fans. Congrats also goes out the Dre Lew and the Ravens.
The Giants played lackluster yesterday on offensive and the Eagles played a better game. Thanks to our D we did not lose by more.

I hope for a Eagles/Steelers SuperBowl fo either a black quarterback or a Black Coach wins.
Let's keep it Melanin in 2009.

Brooke said...

A Pennsylvania Super Bowl sounds great to me! LOL!

I think Dre Lew was the only guy I knew rooting for the Eagles :-) well, besides my Philly peeps of course. Good thing I'm not in Philly or I'd be tempted to eat a cheesesteak instead of the nice healthy salad with grilled chicken I brought today :-)

Anonymous said...

i am an emotional person...

with that being said, i feel that sometimes it is BETTER fot me to go to bed angry because 9 times out of 10 i feel so much beter in the morning...i'll turn around and think, "wow, that was stupid!".

BTW, I am going to start sending my video's to brooke SUNDAY NIGHT in order to ger squeezed into the monday morning rush! I blinked and it was already posted!! lol

well, i guess neither manning will be n the super bowl - sucks to be them...

i want to see the dolphins get it! what can i say?? i'm still a miami girl at heart!!!

Brooke said...

Sorry Liz! I woke up early this morning to get a workout in before I started to get ready for work and felt inspired. I started writing most of my blog last night and finished this morning, so I just posted it when I was done working out. I got you tomorrow tho! I didn't forget you!

Anonymous said...

This sucks in the worst way!!! but to avoid going to sleep angry again...congra..i can't do it. i'm not ready yet...

Brooke said...

just let it go man...(or woman)? just let it go! Free yourself!

Anonymous said...

that's what fansatia said...go ahead and free yourself!! lol

Serena W. said...

First off congrats to all Eagles fans! I'm glad they are going to the playoffs because my G-Men didn't show up yesterday. (Better them then the wackness of the Cowboys). People out here are still wearing their matching jerseys like they are in Six Flags back in the day! Anyway I'll be rooting for them! Okay I got that off my chest lol.

Going to bed mad isn't cool. I've done it in the past when I had a significant other and sometimes you wake up feeling worse then you did before you went to sleep because you didn't shake it off.

What I like to do is walk it off (and please no marathon jokes lol). I'm never that angry to just up and walk 26.2 miles lmao. But really I go somewhere peaceful that eases my mind like the bookstore, the park, etc. If it's too late I go to a place within the house and start writing. Anything to avoid going to bed angry.

Too many times I hear, the last words we shared with one another were fighting words and now they are gone. You never know what tomorrow may hold, so look at that person and remember that you don't want to go to bed mad for your or their own sake. If it's real deep then that's another comment by itself.

Brooke said...

Hey Serena, I guess I didn't look at it from that standpoint. I guess it depends on how you argue. I've argued with a couple ex's before and finally said "you know what, I love you, but I can't talk to you right now" and then let it go til we were both able to resolve the issue or drop it altogether. I guess in that instance the last words still had "love" in it, but the disagreement may have lingered to the next day.

It's all relative and each person resolves conflict in his or her own way. But you're right, tomorrow isn't promised to you. I personally can't go to bed angry at my sister. If we fight, we HAVE to make up fast. It actually pains us to be mad at each I guess in that case I'd change my stance on that. If you're dealing a with a reasonable person who has your best interest at heart and truly loves you, you can still fight "fair" and discuss it the next day, with the love still in tact. Thought provoking response you gave tho. Gonna think about that some more.

Serena W. said...

Yeah it's crazy. I haven't heard it too much. But I have heard it a couple of times which is enough that we had a disagreement and then I never got a chance to say I'm sorry because something went wrong (terribly). I've really quieted soul, my spirit over the past almost 2 years of being single and look at things so differently to the point where it scares me. (It's good, I guess I'm grown now). But yeah I hate going to bed angry, I'm calling people at midnight to say let's talk and how good does it feel to put the other foot forward and talk as adults and make up for whatever instead of going to be angry.

Brooke said...

How does that work when one person wants to talk it out, but the other one doesn't? Then what? I usually find that women are the ones who want to talk it out til it's resolved, where some men need time to process and THEN discuss. When both people are yelling and not hearing the other, then I feel like no one really wants to resolve the issue, they want to be angry or they want to fight or they want to be right.

I guess if I could simply call someone up and say "let's talk" then this issue wouldn't apply. But there is a such thing as silent anger. I should go back and post this question in today's blog - would you rather your partner be loudly angry for a few hours, or silently angry for a few days?

Serena W. said...

Now that's a good one because silent anger to me is just as bad as being out loud and angry. Yeah if the person doesn't want to talk then fine, but you gotta do what is best for you and your spirit. So for me I gotta cool down, go for that walk or that short run, go to the bookstore, go to Starbucks with my laptop so I can go to bed with a somewhat light heart and discuss it later when the other has calmed down. It's hard, I do think us women are willing to talk it out more, but I have known some sistas that aren't willing and want to be mad, yelling, etc. And they wonder why they have high blood pressure!

Brooke said...

Silent anger is bad. I'd rather someone come right out with it than be mad at me silently for days. Let's get it over with! LOL!

The interesting thing is I find that when I DO want to talk it out, it's usually with other women. I can be very closed off when I'm angry. If I want to talk it out, that means I consider you someone I love to the point where I don't want us to have ill feelings festering. If I shut down completely and have zero interest in discussing it, then that's when it becomes dangerous - cuz that means I've checked out and don't believe that person has my best interest at why bother?

I think I'm so used to some men shutting down and only talking when THEY want to that I've adopted their philosophy when dealing with them. I'm not sure if that's right or wrong, but I deal with men and women completely different. Took a while for that to happen, but that's what it is.

Serena W. said...

It would be nice to get some brothers to chime in on this...I would love to hear their point of view about feeling shut down, angry, etc...

Anonymous said...

I personally need to be left alone for a hot minute to regroup & gather my thoughts & then I want to talk. That's how I get thru fights & stuff. And with me unless it's something really really serious I get over things pretty quick. BUT if you get me seriously angry then I have to tase you! lol

. said...

Over peas missing in penne a la vodka sauce!!! LMAO!

But I totally agree with you! Sometimes it's really best just to sleep on it to avoid certain things being said that can't be taken back.

RT: Peggy & I were in Starbucks yesterday and could not help but thinking about Friday's blog! LOL!

Brooke said...

Did it smell like ass in there? LMAO!!!

Anonymous said...


. said...

Nah, thank God it didn't :-)

Rene The Harlemite said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that Is funny!

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