Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Back-To-Work Tuesday!

I hope you all had a great, long weekend! Look at what DMoe was doing in Puerto Rico:

Jumping off bridges with the locals and whatnot :-)

I am SO going somewhere next year for Memorial Weekend, although I had a GREAT weekend with my family - so much so that I stayed there late last night because my nephews didn’t want me to leave. I told myself that I was staying late to beat the traffic, but what I was REALLY doing was watching the 2 hour premiere of Single Ladies on VH-1. If you missed it, here’s a taste of what you missed from the trailer:

I can’t say that I didn’t like it. I can’t say that I loved it. I guess I’m still trying to figure out if this will be my new obsession or not. Since The Game is under performing for MY taste, I was eager to sink my teeth into a new series with a majority Black cast that would speak to me – and Single Ladies (since I am one) seemed like it might do the trick – or fail miserably.

I told myself I’d only watch a half hour of it. An hour later, I was still intrigued. The acting was so-so – at first it felt like I was watching a late night BET straight to dvd movie, like Trois 3. Well, it wasn’t THAT bad, but production-wise, that’s what it felt like to me. But the story flowed, and although gold diggin’ video vixens who steal and write books is nothing new, I rode with it. I wanted to see what was going to happen next, so there I was – 2 hours later – telling myself that at 11p, the traffic should be fine to drive back to the NYC.

So I guess I dig the show…for now. The acting will get better, hopefully, and if nothing else, it’s no less entertaining than say…Basketball Wives (which I missed). These women were strangely relatable on some level, maybe because they were in my age range…not that you’d know it. Stacey Dash is the QUEEN of “Black Don’t Crack.” Those heffas make you wanna throw out all the snacks in your crib, apply sunscreen and anti-wrinkle cream as if your life depended on it and do two spin classes back to back – DAILY. At 40-something, those women were WORKING IT.

So I’ll DVR it...and try to work out a side deal with Deebo :-)

Even the morning talent were talking about how great the show is as I got dressed – even though I think the guys liked it for a totally different reason :-) But the show sparked their question of the day – which I will make MY question of the day as well.

Val (Stacey Dash’s character) was dating a man for 5 years. She gave him an ultimatum – either put a ring on it, or bounce. So he bounced. Three months later, he was engaged to someone else (Lauren London). He said that by forcing him to make a decision, Val made him realize that he was “settling” with her. Although they got along, she was cool and never gave him a hard time, and she looked great on his arm, he just wasn’t in love with her. He felt that love would come eventually since she looked good on paper, but his heart was never in it.

Charlemagne (the God) said that he would never have let a woman as fine as Stacey Dash go – he’d have to just work with it – or simply cheat on her. He said when you have a woman like a Stacey Dash or a Halle Berry – it doesn’t matter if there’s no spark, no chemistry or if she’s crazy – you don’t leave someone like that who seemingly has it going on…no matter what.

So what say you? Do you stay with someone who is perfect on paper (Stunning, Handsome, intelligent, great body, great career, your mama likes him/her, etc.) but there is no passion, or do you go for someone who may be “less perfect” on paper – but perfect for you?

Curious to hear from the men on this one – go!

-b

TGIF!!

I have a half a day today, so let's get it! I got this "Random 50 Questions" from my boy Jeff on Facebook, so thought it would be fun to do for the blog. Let's Go!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I was named after my grandmother’s favorite singer – a Black man named Brook Benton. I would have been named Brooke whether I was a boy or a girl.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Watching Oprah’s finale on Wednesday.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Love it!

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Maple Honey Roasted Turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Not Yet – but several “play” children. Two nephews, a Godson and 6 “play” nieces and nephews.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Absofreakinlutely!

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? To perfection sometimes. I’ve been told I have a slick mouf.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? HELL no.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Special K Vanilla Almond (or Honey Nut Cheerios with the kids)

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Never

-WHAT HAPPENED TO #12? I dunno, ask Jeff Dorcely…I got this from him :-)

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Breyers Vanilla Bean or Cookies and Cream….or Dulce de Leche. I love ice cream!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? If they’re smiling (and teeth) and their eyes.

15. RED OR PINK? Red (lips!) LOL!

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? That I procrastinate.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ? Cole, my cat.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? Yes, I'd love to learn more about my friends.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Wearing a short black jersey dress and chocolate sandals

<----AGAIN...WITH #2O;...I should just come up with a couple extra questions myself to make it really be 50 questions. Maybe later.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My coworkers’ kids running around the office (get me outta here!)

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Hot Magenta

23. FAVORITE SMELL? The ocean, my nephews’ hair after a bath, Agua di Gio on a man, fresh cut flowers

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My coworker Nicole

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? He a’ight ;)

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Football and Basketball

27. HAIR COLOR? Dark Brown

28. EYE COLOR? Dark Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Italian.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Brides Maids I think...at the theater. At home...Get Him to the Greek.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? See #19

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, definitely.

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Both – I give great hugs, but I love to kiss.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? My Strawberry Cheesecake

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Hard to say, it’s Friday, not sure who’s around on the blog today….Stef?

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No idea.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Just got “Resurrecting Midnight” by Eric Jerome Dickey – will start that soon.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My nephew Kyce at a few months old.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Heat/Bulls game. Congrats to the Heat.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? My nephews cracking up, anything on my new iPod, when my cat used to snore lightly :-(

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Umm….Beatles I guess?

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Japan – but I was born there – does that count? Okay, maybe L.A. :-)

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Some folks say I can write pretty well….all my other talents can’t be shared here ;-)

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Okinawa, Japan.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Craig’s.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? I’m not married.

49. IS THE CUP HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Half full.

50. IF YOU COULD SIT DOWN TO DINNER WITH FIVE PEOPLE WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE? My maternal grandmother whom I’ve never met, (along with my mother and sister so we all could be together) Oprah, Barack & Michelle Obama.

BONUS QUESTIONS: Since there were technically only 48 questions, here are two more:

1. Would you adopt if you couldn't have children naturally? (me...yes)

2. What are you doing this Memorial Weekend? Whatever it is, please be safe and have fun! (going to Philly to do family stuff...first stop? Kung Fu Panda 2!)

Go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

This is post #601! Wow!

- Sunny and warm days, love it!

- Congrats to Dallas...next up....the Heat.

- I want all the men who wear sandals to know that it's okay for a man to get a pedicure. That's a hint.

- I'm not crazy about white shoes. Unless it's a wedding, they make me cringe. Not sure why.

- Eating Combos now...and I want Chinese for lunch today.

- I didn't do the "ugly cry" as Oprah's show ended yesterday - but the tears did fall. I can't even imagine 4pm without her. I feel like I've lost a friend...but I'm sure we haven't seen the last of her. She's an amazing force and I can't wait to see what's next for her.

- Her entire show yesterday could have been a book of inspirational quotes. "You have to know what sparks the light in you, so that you...in your own way...can illuminate the world" - Oprah.

- The strawberry lemonade at McDonald's is CRACK! I think I'll treat myself to one later today.

- Looking forward to the long weekend! I miss my nephews. And my Godson. I need to hookup a play date with them.

- The question of the day on the radio this morning was for the men: If your woman was more powerful than you are and made a ton more money, would you take her last name in marriage? I'd like the men to answer that...and I'd like the women to chime in as well on if they'd want their man to take their last name...or if they'd NOT change theirs. Think Oprah...or even Kardashian status.

- I wanna be in Mexico. I wish all my Soul Siesta folks safe travels today and a lot of fun!

- Basketball Wives starts on Monday...and I must say, I'm looking forward to it!

- There's nothing on TV but basketball for me now.

- I have to see this documentary - just watching this segment is heartbreaking.

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

We're all beautiful - each and every one of us...simply because we're a child of God.

- I'm wearing a bright red dress today - need to bust out the red lips!

- Today's throwback! "Aww man homie...my mind's playin' tricks on me!" LOL!



Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!


I saw a man taking a “bird bath” on the subway this morning. By bird bath, I mean he was wiping himself down with a wet wash cloth, but doing it under his clothes. He didn’t appear to be homeless – his hair was cut, his clothes seemed clean…he just looked crazy. There is no reason to tell you this other than to say that he creeped everyone out on the train today – including me – and I couldn’t wait til Random Thoughts Thursday to share. That is all.

Now, the blog today.

I usually read other people’s blogs at night after I get home from the gym. It’s my time to relax and unwind and muse about the word around me. I catch up with the Witches (they can be a time suck at work if I’m not careful), Latinegro, Sugar Plum Smiles, Very Smart Brothers.com and The Fresh Xpress. Someone on my FB feed posted a link to an article on the Fresh Xpress titled “Why Are All the Pretty Girls Married?”

The article itself is not what intrigued me. I don’t think all pretty girls are married, but I DO know that being considered pretty has its perks. It’s all relative, like anything else.

However, the comments to the article were a little more interesting to me. Most of the women who commented said that they and their friends are pretty, but not married – which seemed to suggest a flaw in the author’s reasoning. The author, who is male, and other men responded this way: You may THINK you and your friends are pretty, but you probably really are not.

Wow.

What struck me is that men said most women think they’re female friends are prettier than they really are. They suggested that we judge beauty on less superficial things, like character, personality, intelligence, and generally what kind of friend they are. We think our friends are beautiful simply because they’re our friends.

While they conceded that that is what we SHOULD be judging beauty on, men rate women differently – and can separate a good person from a pretty woman. One man suggested that a pretty woman is a pretty woman…and if she just happens to be smart, funny and has a great personality – that’s just icing on the cake.

Now, I’m a woman who thinks all of her friends are attractive. I can honestly say that most of the women I can call friends are pretty…if not stunning. But then again, men and women judge beauty differently – and while I think I know the difference between pretty, cute, sexy, beautiful, striking or stunning – what women find attractive in other women could be (and usually is) TOTALLY different than what men find attractive in women.

But I also disagree that ALL women think all of our friends are pretty. Not so.

If you’re an insecure woman, you might surround yourself with women you may not think other men find attractive in order to make yourself look better. It’s sad to think that a woman would choose her friends this way, but I’m sure that it happens. And some say if you think you don’t have any ugly friends or fat friends…then YOU are the ugly or fat friend. Pretty harsh right?

But even if some women feel that they have an unattractive friend, or a fat friend, chances are she’d never admit it anyway. Friendships shouldn’t be about tearing each other down, but rather lifting each other up – which is why women probably can’t see their true friends as anything other than beautiful.

But what do you think? Are women blind to “beauty” (which is truly in the eye of the beholder) or see true beauty for what it is…from the inside? Or do you think we’re more insecure than we admit and choose our friends based on how pretty (or not pretty) they are?

Go!

-b

Hola mi gente!

That's me practicing my Spanish for no reason other than hating on my Soul Siesta friends who are going to Mexico without me this weekend. Can someone take me on a trip please? I'll be your bestest friend! Purrty please!

No? Well at least it's warm today...dang it!

I have so many ideas for a blog topic today that I can't narrow it down to one. My brain hurts, so I'm just going to ask a question of the day. This came to me out of a conversation I had this morning with the same co-worker who gave me my blog topic yesterday. I may need to stop by his desk every day to get some inspiration...and free tabloid magazines :-)

He said he was involved in a FB war with a friend of his who said that a couple can't be compatible if they don't share the same religious beliefs. He didn't agree, and thought that might be an interesting blog topic. And I agree.

I tend to stay away from potentially polarizing subjects - religion and politics being two - but it did make me wonder what in a person's life would keep me from dating or marrying him.

Personally, I feel your religious beliefs are your own and I have no problem dating anyone who isn't a Christian. Most people, I think, believe in something greater than themselves...and that's fine with me. We all stand before God alone on Judgement Day - and we're all responsible for our own salvation.

However, I think I'd have a harder time dating an atheist rather than someone who practiced a different faith...but that's just me. I'm not saying I can't do it - I think I actually have. But if anything, I think that would be the most challenging for me....assuming we wanted the same things out of life. If religion was the only thing that we didn't have in common, I think I could live with it. It might get tricky if children became involved, but open communication could probably help navigate that.

That being said, let me get to the question: What in someone's life - for instance, religion, occupation, ethnic background, age, health, or marital history - would keep you from marrying a person you had somehow already fallen in love with?

If there is something that that I didn't list, feel free to add it and give us your reasons why.

Go!

-b

Happy Monday!

So my co-worker comes to me this morning, “No blog post today?” I tell him that I plan to write something…just don’t know what it is yet.

“Any suggestions?” I ask.

After we go back and forth about basketball and whether calling someone a “faggot” is okay or not in the heat of NBA playoff battle – I decide to save that blog for another day…it made my head hurt.

“I have one for you. A friend of mine and I were having a discussion about cheating. He wants to know if thinking of someone else during sex with your partner is cheating.”

Good one.

Of course, being me, I had to ask who he was fantasizing about. Was it Halle Berry…or an ex girlfriend? He said out of the hundreds of times he’s had sex with his girl, he only fantasized about someone else twice. Once was with a chick he never actually had sex with, but who he WISHED he had had sex with, and the other was with an ex.

I think I was more impressed that he had only fantasized about other women two times. That takes some serious mental stamina…cuz face it – most of us are just lazy. It’s easier to dream of Idris Elba or the trainer at the gym than to actually FOCUS on your partner…or is that just me? Just me? Okay…moving on. :-)

Men are visual creatures, so it only seems natural to me that they keep a bevy of exes, celebs and any woman in between in their mental playback during sex.

But guess what? Women do it too. I know fellas, it’s hard to imagine that we could possibly be thinking of that Pro Football Player one-night-stand we had while you’re giving us the long stroke…but it happens. More than you think.

If we’re honest with ourselves, most of us have probably fantasized about someone else while having sex with our partner - but should we feel guilty? I don’t think we should.

It’s okay for your mind to wander into the fantasy realm from time to time. But what does this say about your relationship? If you’re still pining after your ex and thinking of him/her while you’re having sex – then maybe there’s a problem. But if you’re dreaming of Salma Hayek, I think you need to just get over it.

Some people feel that any kind of connection, physical or emotional, to a person outside of your relationship is cheating. Others say it’s only human nature and we all do it…so it’s nothing serious. It’s not until you get into the grey area that we can spark any real debate. That grey area would be the relationship itself.

Fantasizing about someone other than your partner during sex could be a healthy addition to your sex life. It’s only a sign of trouble if there is some other disconnect happening where the thought of being with your partner physically is emotionally or mentally agonizing.

On the surface, it may seem hurtful to consider that your partner would think about someone else while having sex with you, because you think it means he or she doesn’t love you or is detached from you. But many psychologists say it’s actually a sign of a healthy sex life. Think about it; if you weren’t deriving any pleasure from your partner at all, you would be too bored or depressed to even fantasize. Now it might be LAZY of you to fantasize rather than focusing on your partner…but hopefully it’s only happening THAT NIGHT. His friend said he only did it twice, which suggests to me that MOST of the time, he’s getting all he needs from his girl both physically AND emotionally/mentally.

But throw in marriage, kids, routine, monotony, and you might need to conjure up an image of Beyonce or Boris Kodjoe to mix things up a bit.

Fantasizing is born out pleasure, not so much about wishing your partner were someone else. It’s an ego boost for you more than an attack on your partner’s self esteem. It can also be a healthy way to add variety to your sex life - again something which signals a sex life that is alive and thriving rather than one that has become boring or non-existent. You can think of it as a “safe” way to cheat :)

There is a world of difference between thinking and doing. Simply thinking about someone does not constitute making an emotional connection with that person - much less a physical one. And without that kind of legitimate bond, it can hardly be considered cheating. We’re all human after all: just because we commit to someone doesn’t mean we stop being attracted to other people. Cheating only comes into play when you ACT on that attraction.

So if you find yourself picturing Darren Sharper (that man is FINE) the next time your partner is beating the brakes off you doggy style, don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s perfectly normal; and as long as your heart is in the right place, there is nothing wrong with letting your mind drift a little bit.

What say you? Is it cheating, and should you share your fantasies with your partner - or just keep them to yourself?

Go!

-b

TGIF!!!

So, I would ask you all what you have planned for the weekend…but since the end of the world begins tomorrow, I won’t. According to Harold Camping, the head of Family Radio broadcasting network, the apocalypse kicks off on Saturday, May 21…so there go my plans to see Thor.

All joking aside, while I DON’T believe the end of the world begins tomorrow, I DO believe that tomorrow is never promised to you. To us. To anyone.

But without a deadline, many of us don’t live life as if it’s our last day on earth…every day. There’s no urgency to say “I love you,” or “I’m sorry,”…no urgency to do something we know we should do, or always wanted to do. Since we cannot conceive of an end to ourselves, we think we have all the time in the world to do what we want when we get good and ready.

But if you knew the world would end tomorrow, what would you do today? What would you say to those you care about, or even to those who have no idea how you feel about them? Who would you want to spend your last few hours with, and what would you be doing?

Since most of us don’t have the luxury of knowing when we’ll take our last breath, or when someone we love will be taken from us, it makes sense that we should tell those we love that we love them every chance we get. I never hang up the phone with my mother, sister or nephews without saying “I love you.” Ever. It’s something that’s been ingrained in me since childhood – my mother never let my sister and I go to bed angry with each or without saying “I love you.” And I’m so grateful she instilled that in us.

But I can’t say the same about my girlfriends…or my male friends for that matter. If the world were to end tomorrow, instead of assuming they knew how I felt about them, I’d pick up the phone and call each and every one of them to let them know that I love and appreciate them all for their friendship, encouragement and support. If you’re reading this post, that means you :-)

But aside from love, what about forgiveness? Is there someone out there you’re holding a grudge against? Or is there someone out there you need to apologize to and ask forgiveness from? If so, what is keeping you from doing it? Whatever it is, let it go. Forgiveness is a powerful thing…whether granting it or asking for it. But since tomorrow isn’t promised to you, don’t hold onto or reject anything that doesn’t bring you peace.

If you could do anything in the world with your life, and knew you wouldn’t fail – what would it be? What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Many of us keep ourselves from doing bigger and better things in our lives because we live in fear - we’re afraid to fail, or to reach higher than our outstretched hand can grasp. Let go of your fears, don’t cling to the past, and accept the invitation to grow. Let your life unfold into a stream of amazing moments.

To me, living each day of your life as if it’s your last is about being grateful, and expressing that gratitude with every breath you take. We should be grateful for each experience that teaches us something and for whoever comes – because each has been sent as a guide from above. Every morning is a new arrival, and each day is a chance to do better, to be better and to love harder.

The moment we realize this, it’s amazing how the universe brings more love to your doorstep, begins to help you achieve your goals and works in your favor. The universe is God’s self portrait, and since no one knows when it’ll end but Him, put Him behind the thoughts that guide your every word, your every emotion and your every action. You’ll train yourself to be in the habit of giving love and showing gratitude every day of your life, and you’ll live each day with no regrets.

-b