Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- First I'd like to thank all my guest bloggers who have posted for me this week about fatherhood - you dudes ROCK!!

- I have another guest tomorrow - can't wait!

- I miss seeing my hair, but I don't miss doing it...so the braids will stay all summer.

- Can't wait to see Transformers next week!

- Support a sista and buy Have a Little Faith - an anthology that features pieces written by our very own Serena Wills. She's a special talent and she's doin' it! I'm so honored that she's the head of my spiritual team :)

- Ever have one of those days? Well, I've been having one of those weeks. I'm trying to shake it off, but I can't turn off the "mind chatter." You know, when something is weighing so heavy on your mind that it starts racing? It's affecting my mood and I hate that. "Thinking too much" is something I tend to do when faced with tough decisions or stress. My goal should be to quiet my mind instead of stopping its chatter - because trying to fight it by "not thinking" is only making it worse. Any suggestions??? Meditation? Prayer?

- This sucky weather isn't helping. How much rain can we possibly get??? Buffoonery.

- I work with a "close talker" - you know...the person who has no concept of "personal space." If I can feel your breath on my face, you're too close. I thought she was gonna kiss me! See this line? Don't cross it...this is MY space and that is YOUR space...back up off me chief!

- Please stop sending me ghetto snacks on Facebook.

- Rameer is still poking me.

- Is the new iPhone really all that? really?

- I need to hear some jokes, can anyone suggest a funny movie?

- It's strange to see Conan in Leno's spot, but he's been cracking me up lately. I even watched his interview with Kobe last night :)

- I need a good foot rub.

- A woman at work told me that she was "scheduling" sex with her husband for Father's Day - that was his "gift." Scheduling? Seriously? Shouldn't that be like...everyday? Maybe I can't relate but it just sounded so impersonal to me.

- Since I have a guest tomorrow, today let me wish a very Happy Father's Day to my dad, my stepfather James (RIP), my brother-in-law Fouad, Andre, Dwayne, Dmoe, E. Payne, Kevin (RIP), Chris, Steve, Zay Buge, Tony, Brian, Chris C., Keefe, Doug, Patrick, The Cable Guy, Mo, George, Carter & Sanborn, Jay, Rich, Craig...and all the wonderful fathers out there - as well as those who serve as positive male role models and mentors in our community (Ant, Pretty Ricky and Rameer just to name a few). If you're celebrating your first Father's Day, congrats! You all are awesome!

Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

So, to keep the party going, today's blog was written by another father I know and love. And yes, y'all know him too. He's my boy, my ace, another SU alum (we thick up in here) and he's a great dad. Give it up for Dre aka The Black Cloud.





Let's set it up: You can either copy and paste the code into your browser from the box above to view the clip or click here to go directly there.

Old Yeller Lives Up Here - Protective Dads

As a young'un I remember those Dads. The protective ones. They weren't strict, but you knew they meant business...and they knew what you were all about before you rang the bell. That's why my friends usually asked me to ring the bell...because even the protective Dad's liked me.

ding dong

"Hello?" He looks down at me.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Williams. My name is Andre, I'm in Shawanda's* class at IS59. She said we could come by because she wanted to come outside to play with us."

"Oh...Hi Andre." (half smirk) "Shawanda!"

She comes to the door surprised he actually leaves and doesn't stare me down. Meanwhile, there are 5 other kids with bicycles standing behind me on the sidewalk looking like rabid wolves.

Lets replay that...

"Good afternoon, Mr. Williams."

[Proper greeting and respectful. I'm not selling anything.]

"My name is Andre, I'm in Shawanda's* class at 59."

[Who I am and how the hell his daughter knows me]

"She said we could come by because she wanted to come outside to play with us."

[I didn't just ring your bell, if you beat anyone, it's your daughter for saying I could come by]


Worked EVERY TIME.

It even worked with Mr. Wilson! Mr. Wilson was no joke. God bless his soul. He had the stature of President Obama and the voice of Darth Vadar. I promise he burned out brains with his stern stare. It just so happens his daughter Deanna* was the brightest, prettiest girl in class. And she happened to have an onion at 14!...well an onion for us in 8th grade. But hell, I also had a chick in my 8th grade class that was slim, but had DD's (must've been the steroids in the chicken).

I digress...

Mr. Wilson was a protective Dad and we ALL knew he meant business. There was no dropping by Mr. Wilson's house and mumbling. His eyebrow would arch and the offender would get the head shake from Deanna through the screen like "Dummy! Why'd you say 'Hey whassup'!!??"

I look around today and there aren't enough protective dads in the world. It shows in the half-assed way men approach women. I see them honk the horns for the girl to come outside instead of ringing the bell. They wear do-rags as they enter the house instead of whipping that sucker off down the block. They call and say "Shamieka? Shamieka?" Not "hello. How are you?" (tsk tsk tsk) And that all ends up showing in the wayward relationship later.

Now a protective mother is no joke - but for a young man, walking into a protective dad at the door is like approaching The Sphinx.

So...now years later, I have a 10 year old girl to raise and an 8 week old on her way up. I'm not strict, but I am protective. I may be the Sherman Elementary version of Mr. Wilson. Why do I think this? One of my daughter's friends hung up on me when I answered the phone instead of asking to speak with her...and it was a GIRL!

She admitted and apologized later when she saw me talking to her father. Although, she doesn't know we were just talking about this sushi he makes. LOL

ding dong

"Hello?" I look down at the boy.

"Hi..umm...can Imani come out to play?"

"What's your name?" My eye brow cocks.

"Apernumo*"

"What was that?"

"Apernumo"

"What's your last name Apernumo?"

I hear my wife giggle in the living room.

I see him thinking "SHIT!!" As I glance over his shoulder at the two other boys on bikes looking at me like deer in headlights.

"Mukar"

"Apernumo Mukar." I repeat and think about it, knowing that half second makes his heart drop. "Apernumo, Imani isn't here. She's at karate class.[Read: I'm preparing her to whup some ass] I'll tell her Apernumo Mukar came by with...two boys, one with blonde hair and the other dark hair with Harry Potter glasses.[A joke a elementary kid gets and lightens the moment]"

"Ok. Thank you, sir." He runs down the steps to retrieve his bike and his strength.

"Don't mention it, Apernumo Mukar."

The next day Apernumo didn't come to the door. It was David. The blonde kid.

"Hi. My name is David. I'm in Imani's class at Sherman. Can Imani come out to play?" [Not bad...]

"David." I say.

"Yes?"

"What's your last name?"

Neither Mr. Wilson nor Old Yeller got nothing on me! My daughters may not appreciate it as much in their youth, but they will when it comes time to be in a relationship. They'll know that not just anyone can come into their house or step up to the door. And that's a metaphor and a half for you.

Happy Father's Day to my protective dads.

Andre aka The Black Cloud

*All names have been changed to protect the embarrassed.

Happy Fantabulous Tuesday!

Father's Day is this Sunday, so I thought I'd get some perspectives this week from a few daddies that I know and love. Today's blog is written by someone I respect dearly. He just started commenting on the blog (he came out for the Kobe post), so you may not be too familiar with him. But to us SU heads, he's D - fellow alum. He also serves in our military and just got back from Iraq...and will be getting married in a couple weeks. Please join me in thanking him for his service to our country, congratulating him on his upcoming nuptials, and showing him some love on his post today. Introducing Dwayne "DMurray" Murray.



Fatherhood in the Military...by DMurray

I had a discussion with Brooke about two weeks ago about fatherhood - about the difficulties that fathers face. Our conversation prompted me to share my experiences as a father with blog membership, so here I go.

First of all, I want to acknowledge that being a single mother is not easy. There are challenges of being the mother AND the father in the interaction with children. I believe that children need both parents. Of course, I assume both parents are of sound body and mind and not abusive. A bad parent is not better than no parent at all...with bad being subjective.

As far as I am concerned, boys need their fathers. Fathers set the example in the household. I am not saying that we are the missing link, and I do not suggest that children without fathers or male role models cannot be successful. But there is no substitute for good old fashioned parenting. It does take a village...but with two good parents, the whole village will not be stressed.

I could go on and on about having two good parents (the debate can begin now), but what I really want to talk about are the challenges of being a single dad and being in the military. I love my son more than life itself, but there was no amount of love that could keep his mother and I together. We both did things wrong, and our divorce only came as a surprise to him. That was more than 3 years ago, and as I am 13 days away from remarrying, I am reminded of how important it is to let my son know how much I love him.

The challenge is doing that in the midst of multiple deployments, separation, long hours and all the other challenges that are the military. Oh, and we don’t even live in the same time zone. Sure being a father is hard, being a father not with the child’s mother is a challenge - but the trifecta is serving in the military at the same time.

One of the sayings they have in the Army is, “if they wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one.” I am not complaining - I love my job, I love what I do and would not change it for the world. My son thinks I do great work for our country. I picked him up from the airport on Saturday and he was wearing the same dogtags I gave him before I went to Iraq over 18 months ago. He told me he was supporting the troops.

This message is to fathers - be the best dad you can be. Give your kids the best opportunity to be great, even if that means you have to be a better man yourself. You owe it to them...they did not ask to be here. That may mean dealing with the ex, or baby momma, with dignity and strength. That may also mean showing him/her how to handle adversity. Remember, you are always on stage for them...always.



Happy Father’s Day!

DMurray

Hola mi gente!

I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!

I neglected to congratulate my best friend Val and her husband Chris last week on the blog - they welcomed their third son into the world last Thursday, June 11th, and he's the most adorable baby ever!

As I sat and ogled her brand new baby in her hospital room, something she said struck me. "Now I know my family is complete."

At age 36, Val was done. No more babies. She was content.

At age 36, I'm no where even near that. No prospects in sight. Zero.

In my mind, I'm 27 years old, so maybe that's why I don't hear my clock ticking as loud as some other women my age do. Growing up, I never dreamt of having children. It wasn't until my late 20's when I was in a relationship with a man who I could actually see myself having kids with that I began to even consider it. It wasn't that I hated kids - anyone who knows me knows that is far from true - but it was just never something on the forefront of my mind.

That being said, I was never that chick who dreamt of what her wedding day would be like either. No white dress, flowers, throwing of bouquets. It was never on my mind. Not that I was opposed to marriage, it was just something I never gave much thought to.

Nowadays, I can see myself more as a mother than a wife. I think the maternal instinct in me is natural, whereas marriage and unconditional love with someone who doesn't share your blood takes work. Not that parenting isn't hard work, but I think it's easier to love and sacrifice for something that came out of you.

While my clock isn't blowing up, I realize I do have to give it some serious thought. A married friend of mine who has gone through painful, nauseating rounds of in vitro fertilization in order to have her twins told me this - "If you want to be a mother...if you can do it, and do it naturally, then do it...husband be damned." She told me that fertility drops significantly after age 38, and every year thereafter you run the risk of health problems for yourself and the baby - if you even get pregnant at all.

Talk about blowing my "27 in my mind" high. My gynecologist is no better. Every exam has her looking at me sideways like, "I see you had another birthday my dear, when are you gonna meet a nice man?" I feel like saying, "b*tch, please just poke around and do what you gotta do and mind your own damn business." I appreciate her concern, but she's working my nerves.

But she's right. I need to make a decision, and come up with plan. If by age 38 there is no significant man in my life, I may need to find someone to go half on a baby. Yeah, I said it...and y'all can talk about me all you want. But hey, it is what it is.

So far, I have 3 possible baby daddies. When I asked them, they all said they'd be willing to donate their sperm...only if we did it the natural way. Well, if I'm gonna be a single mom, then free sounds really good right about now :-) So natural it is. Everyone always says, "maybe you can adopt." Imagine the application: Single, makes "x" amount of money, woman seeking a kid. DENIED.

So, now to find the baby daddy ;)

Well, first he must be clean...and I mean of disease. Not trying to have my baby making project interrupted by some nasty STD. Ewwww. We'd need to test, re-test, and then test again before anything could jump off.

In that same vein, he has to come from a pretty decent gene pool. Recovering heroin addicts with alcoholic parents can kick rocks. And I'm not saying he has to be a brain surgeon who works part-time as a male model - but if he's smart, and funny and reasonably good looking...that would help ;)

Second, he'd have to be single. Maybe there's some chick out there who is so secure in herself and her relationship that she'd let her man get busy with some other woman at least 5 to 6 times a month during her ovulation period and then impregnate her out of the kindness of his heart - but I've never met her. I don't think she exists.

Third, he'd have to be trustworthy and reliable. By this I mean ready to drop everything at the drop of a hat to come fertilize me when I say so. This requires commitment. I'm not sure if I ovulate like clockwork or not, so he'd have to focus and have plenty of Red Bull on hand. He can't be out of town on business, can't be going to visit his jump-off and no headaches. Not romantic in the least, and sounds very technical...but unless he's on his deathbed, he'd better cum correct ;)

Lastly, he has to be able to be reasoned with. We can draw up a contract and discuss expectations, but since the laws of parental rights are changing all the time, a contract may not hold up in court. I want to have a baby daddy I know well enough where we can discuss things civilly and rationally.

So, I think the 3 possibles fit this criteria. Funny...when this discussion came up, I thought I'd get the first confused, then baffled, then shocked response. But surprisingly, all seemed rather cool with it - they all said yes without hesitation.

Hmmm...should I be worried about that?

None asked what I expected of them, if I wanted money, what duties they'd have to share or how long it would take. All just naturally assumed they'd be a part of the child's life and would take on the responsibility that a father naturally would. This surprised me, but it's good to know that there are men out there who would expect nothing less.

However, what warmed my heart even more was their answer to MY question.

"Why did you say yes?"

All of their answers were the same...

"Because I think you'd make a great mother."

Wow. What a compliment. And quite honestly, it never occurred to me that someone would have their own list of criteria for choosing a baby mama. I was flattered that someone found me worthy to carry their child.

So...with all of that said, I have logically come up with a plan for "Operation Half on a Baby." Now if I could just shake this feeling that I have all the time in the world, I'd be good. I don't see myself as an aging, baby-crazy spinster. And honestly, I haven't given up on true love. I guess I'm just hoping that biology won't give up on me.

Ask me again in 2 years if I still wanna go half on a baby. Who knows what my answer will be. My life is full of amazing children right now that I couldn't love more than if I had birthed them myself - so we'll see if my clock is ticking LOUDER, or if it stops altogether by then. I can sit here and tell you all the plans I have and make it all sound really smart. But you know what they say - if you want to make God laugh, tell Him what your plans are :)

-b

TGIF!!!!

Let me get my birthday shout-outs out the way - Happy Birthday to Anthony "Latinegro" Otero today! And tomorrow is Dmoe's birthday, so Happy Birthday early to you too!

Okay, so yesterday, Yolanda mentioned in her Random Thoughts that men confuse her. Rameer said that men are pretty easy to understand...the "normal" ones anyway.

So, I decided to take a poll and make a list of all the things that women say confuse them about men. These are in no particular order, and maybe the men can shed a little light on the things that confuse us. I would say that I'll give the men a chance to tell us the things we do that confuse them, but I don't really think they care :) They just accept that we're confusing creatures and they keep it movin'.

However, if any men are inclined to share, then email your frustrations to me at brookeybaby73@yahoo.com and I'll dedicate a blog to that for another day.

Okay, onto the things that confuse women about men...as I've been told :)

What I've done is number the questions that women had. Now I want the men to address/answer the questions in the blog comments by their corresponding number. You can answer one, two or all of them if you like. Understand?

And women, if you have more questions to add, then continue the number in your comments. Got it? Okay...let's go.


Why does he...???

1. say he doesn't like drama, but repeatedly gets into relationships with crazy women?

(maybe he wants to be like Ray J and "Danger" :-)

2. say he doesn't want a woman who is only interested in his money, but will brag about the new Lambo he just bought or how much he made in the stock market?

(bragging = not attractive)

3. always claim to have a girlfriend or be in a relationship, but then cheats every time? Why not just date? Why have a girlfriend if you KNOW you can't be faithful?

(That is one I never understood either)

4. ask for your phone number, never call...but he'll text you to death?

(annoying right? full paragraphs are not cool on text...who has the time?)

5. assume that if you cook for him, you're trying to be his wife?

(Dude, I was just being nice and you looked hungry...no strays)

6. not like cats? Because they're smarter than dogs?

(I'm sure if E. Payne reads this, he'll have something to say) :-)

7. brag about his sexual prowess, knowing he can't f*ck?

(he probably still sleeps in a single bed with "Star Wars" bedding...and when he kisses you, only his tongue moves...Rookie!)

8. play video games past the age of 30?

(Actually, this one doesn't confuse or bother me - but a lot of women seem to have a problem with this. There are worse things he could be doing. Be glad he's home playing with you and not out "playing" with someone else)

9. have sex with women he'd absolutely NEVER have a child with?

(is this a real question? he barely has to even know her name, let alone want her to be his baby mama - NEXT!)

10. express his interest in a woman, knowing he's not really available?

(again I ask, is this a real question?)

11. assume that if he tells a woman the truth, she won’t be able to handle it?

(Unless she’s the violent type, man up and tell her. She’ll respect you more after all is said and done. We handle the truth way better than we handle discovering a lie...trust me on that)

12. act like he doesn't care when he really does?

(uuummmm...maybe he REALLY just DOESN'T care)

13. drop everything just to watch the play-offs?

(uh...I kinda do too, so this doesn't bother me)

14. have a hard time expressing himself fully — especially when it deals with emotions?

(I'll leave this one to the men - no comment)

15. wait for us to say "I love you" first, even if he feels it first?

(how do you know he feels it first? no one likes rejection, and if you don't say it back??..whoa...)

16. have to have every electronic device known to man?

(hey, as long as someone knows how to work those things, I'm good)

17. read King and XXL Magazine and expect us not to feel a little self-conscious? We don’t look like video vixens - if that’s what he wants, why is he with me?

(sounds like a self-esteem issue...and he's with you cuz he can't get them! LOL!)

18. not want us until someone else wants us?

(this sounds like a DMoe quote - "nobody wants nobody nobody wants"...or something like that)

19. claim to be fearless, but when shown or given real, God's honest, genuine love...he hightails it and runs for the hills?

(cuz love is scary, that's why)

20. have the ability to be totally real with us when we're just friends, but the honesty and intimacy go out the window once we become lovers?

(hmmm, good one...I'm curious to read some answers on this one)

21. scoff at being "just friends"...as if the friendship is the "consolation prize" rather than the gift it truly is?

(cuz he wants to tap dat ass!)

22. feel that opening doors or doing something else chivalrous somehow translates into being "soft" or "whipped?"

(no home training)

23. dog the sh*t out of the next girl who comes after the one who broke his heart?

(come on now...women do this too...and most men aren't built to deal with heartache or confusion of emotions like women are)

24. feel that if he buys me a drink at a club/lounge, that I owe him all my time the rest of the night?

(hey, you offered...I didn't ask. LOL!)

25. say he needs time apart, but still calls you everyday and wants to "hang out" like you always do?

(cuz he wants to stay present enough so that YOU don't start dating someone else, and in case he wants to backslide. If he tells you he needs space, tell him to kick rocks, LOL!)

Okay, go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

Okay, I'm all about the shameless plug - but I've been working my booty off on this show...and that's a lot of booty!

Hammer Time premieres this Sunday, June 14th, at 10P on A&E, so please check it out...for me...please! Y'all know you had some Hammer pants back in the day, and some of you (Pretty Ricky) still have them. Check out the lengths we've gone to to promote this series...we ain't playin!



Pretty Ricky, those are the pants I was telling you about...so if we have any more left, I'll try to score you a pair :-) You can rock them in DR next year :-)

Everyone has some Hammer in them...and since Father's Day is coming up...why not :)



Even the AM NY newspaper people had Hammer Fever today in NYC :-)



Hey, it's Random Thoughts Thursday and I can post anything I want...and I'm talking about Hammer...this clip brings me to tears every single time I watch it - CLASSIC!



whew!!!! I liked to die when he started falling off the stage talking about "uh oh!"

....that was hilarious...I miss that show!

Okay, let me stop playin', here's the REAL Hammer in action from back in the day.

Stop frontin, y'all know you wanted to get up and move just now...especially YOU Pretty Ricky! You had to be in CRAZY shape to do the Hammer dance, geesh! They should re-release it as an exercise dvd!

Finally, check out the trailer and a clip for Hammer Time for A&E :-)





I just wanna take lil Sammy home with me, I could just bite him!

Okay...I'm done...(STOP! Hammer Time!) LOL!

Random Thoughts Thursday - Go!

-b

Happy HUMP Day!

Yes, I put the word "HUMP" in all caps. I've just been in that kind of mood lately ;)

Remember back in the day when someone made you a slow jam tape? They'd title it something simple like..."Slow Jam Tape"...or "The Quiet Storm" - written with a sharpie on a piece of tape stuck to it. Ah...the good ole days.

Slow jam tapes were the ultimate form of flattery. If someone took the time to make you a slow jam tape (think: insert tape in cassette deck, stay up late to listen to The Quiet Storm for songs you like, press play and record at the same time. Stop. Repeat with different song), he or she REALLY liked you. That's right up there with love notes that read: DO YOU LIKE ME? Check one box - YES...NO...MAYBE. :-)

Music can enhance various aspects of our lives. The right music can create a sense of timelessness that will provoke a flashback, highlight an experience, or cause a chill to run down your spine. In romantic situations, the right music on the slow jam tape is essential...vital...critical even.

What is the right music? Some might argue that it's whatever music you like. Not so. I like Jay-Z, Biggie and The Roots - however, the music these artists have created isn't going to fit the criteria in this case. Some pieces of R&B, classical or jazz DO fit the criteria, however, other pieces do not. Lyrics that speak only about sex may be appealing to one person, but may not necessarily be conducive to the mood you're trying to create or the message you're trying to send - especially from an intimacy point of view. The slow jam tape was created for making love.

So, what is the criteria for music chosen as the soundtrack to lovemaking? The music should flow like waves crashing against a shore, or like the rising and falling of breath. The rhythms should be a mixture of staccato - smooth yet chaotic. If the pieces have lyrics, they should be about timeless love - or captivating, as with story telling, yet not distracting. The words could be obscured by the music...cryptic...or in a language the lovers don't understand. There are a few songs that have the strange illusion of being slower than the actual tempo, but have a vibe that you'd get down to. Songs with this illusion are perfect for slowing down the pace, but not too slow...building to climax, yet prolonging the experience.

When two lovers are first together, every sexual experience may seem significant. So choosing to get busy to songs you hear everyday on the radio may not do the session justice. If you're creating music to enhance lovemaking, make sure your effort doesn't lack soul or heart or sound too commercial. Personally, I prefer music that was created specifically for ME, because someone had to take the time to think about me, us, our experiences together and the memories we try to create...if only for one night.

The playlist on my blog includes some of my favorite "slow jam" songs that have specific memories attached to them - from my years growing up listening to my mother groove in the living room long after my sister and I have gone to bed, to my freshman year in college when I lost my virginity, up until now. They evoke feelings that make the hair on the back of my neck rise and tickle me, and my soul sings along.

In this day and age, the perfect gift is a pre-downloaded iPod that your lover has infused with music that helps induce a sexy mind-state unique to the both of you. They shouldn't just be "love songs" or "sex songs" - but songs that illicit and spark a response so nostalgic, you get OPEN every time you hear them.

Sure, strictly sex songs have their place...but not here...

...not on MY slow jam tape.

What's on yours?

-b