Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!



I'm gonna keep this short and sweet, cuz as you can see by the time of this post - it's after 1 am, and I'm STILL PACKING! Craig called me an "Igger" last night cuz I hadn't packed yet. He also said all I needed was flip-flops and condoms.

That guy...geesh! ;-)

By the time you read this, I'll be on a plane on my way to the Dominican Republic - which I'm sure you all know by now since it's been all I talked about for the past few weeks! Please wish me safe travels and a good time. Send up a prayer for Pretty Ricky too since I'll be hangin' with him there!

Thoughts...

- I am so thankful to be on vacation - I need to take more of them.

- I'm also thankful my sister and family are watching my cat Cole - I missed him all week! I love him like he's my child...don't judge me...but he's more than a cat - he's family :)

- What to wear on the plane??

- I still have no idea what "mamajuanas" are, but Pretty Ricky SWEARS he's gonna get me drunk on them. He has even instructed a girl I don't know to get me drunk. Plottin' on me already!

- Yes Nicole...I'll stay with the group and hold hands...and not go off with any strange men...and keep an eye on my drink(s)...and stay on the resort. She gave me a lecture on safety last night...and I love her for it - cuz I'd do the exact same thing.

- Anyone having a cookout this weekend?

- Why am I asking questions I'm not around to read the answers to?

- I can ask for other people tho right?

- I'm still doing it....!!!

- It's gonna be good to be off the grid for a lil bit - no email, no voicemail, no Facebook (yikes!) and NO BLACKBERRY!! Just me time...and FUN! I deserve it!

Try not to miss me too much! (***while packing flip-flops***)

Go!

and have a great, long, wonderful weekend!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

So last night I asked my friend Aaron to give me a topic to blog about. I can't think of anything except my vacation, so I had a bit of writer's block. Aaron suggested I write about love letters. My question to him? "Do people even write love letters anymore?" Good question. He said that maybe I can explore the reasons why people don't write them anymore...like do they think it makes them feel vulnerable? Is it even necessary anymore. Is it a lost art?

To me, it seems that now with technology being the way it is, people TEXT their feelings, or IM their affection...maybe even Twitter their undying love. It all seems so impersonal now. There is no more "love" or "letters"...just text, sex and innuendo. Not saying NO ONE writes love letters anymore, but when was the last time you wrote a love letter?

The last person I know who wrote a love letter was my sister Nicole. Last summer she and the kids went to visit her husband's family in Morocco all by themselves - without him. She was there for a month, and she said she wrote him love letters everyday. Being apart from him for so long gave her a chance to miss him, to remember the reasons why she appreciates him, and to fall in love with him all over again. I thought that was the most romantic, loving thing I'd heard in a long time. It gave me faith that love isn't something that has to become stagnant or stale. Love is what you make it. True love, unconditional love, lives and breathes.

So, not really sure how to write a love letter? It's been a while since I've done this myself, especially since I usually write poems for my loved ones as they serve as my muse. But if the only thing you write for your boo is a "honey-do" list, then let me give you some suggestions.

Fake it - remember this scene from Sex and The City?



Later in the movie, when Big was trying to win Carrie back, he retyped all the great love letters from that book and emailed them to her. And when they finally got married, he whispered in her ear, "ever thine, ever mine, ever ours."

My point? If you're not the lovey dovey, sappy or creative type, then find some great love poems or letters online and write them down. You might want to find some nice stationary or blank-inside cards to add a special touch. You don't need to be a lyrical genius to convey your feelings. He or she will appreciate the thought and the effort.

If you DO decide to write your own words from the heart...

Keep it simple. Write a poem or a letter that lists all the things your partner is – and isn’t. Make them things that have meaning just for the two of you, however silly or small it may seem. You can make it really funny if he/she loves your sense of humor. Just because it's funny or silly doesn't mean it's any less sentimental or heartfelt. They can be simple little things you jot down on a Post-It note for them to find...so long as it's sincere.

What are the surprising things you love about your partner? Have you learned anything recently about them that you never knew before? Write these down and thank him or her for being so unique. Writing these things down may also help you to remember why you fell in love with them in the first place, and allow you to appreciate the small ways that they bring meaning to your life.

Write With Passion. In the middle of work and family pressures, it can be very easy to forget just how important passion is. If the spark has flickered out, and you and your partner really haven’t communicated apart from via shopping lists and random text messages, then take some time to write down just how sexy you think he or she is. It doesn't have to be raunchy or overtly sexual (even though notes like that can be appreciated too), but just a smoldering reminder that you still want and desire your sweetie. Most times people just want to feel wanted.

Feel free to add some helpful tips for writing love letters if you have any. While you're at it, be thankful that you have a loved one to write TO. Really sit and think about what that person means to you and how they make you feel. And then, in a moment like this - an extraordinarily ordinary moment when you're glad that you're with that person every day in every way - write it down...and then give it to them. Or better yet...read it to them face to face. Love letters made easy :)

-b

p.s. I'm on vacation after today! I'll still post my Random Thoughts Thursday thoughts for tomorrow, I just won't be able to read yours and chime in. But please, keep the party going in my absence. I may even have some guest bloggers to keep you entertained on Friday and Tuesday. Have a FABULOUS holiday weekend and be safe! It's the unofficial start of summer! Woo-Hoo!

Happy Fantabulous Tuesday!!

So I'm feeling a little better today - not 100%, but I'm getting there. In my staff meeting this morning, I told everyone that if they need anything they'd better tell me today, cuz tomorrow at 5:30pm I'm out. No, I won't be staying late. No, I won't be checking voicemail. No, I won't have my blackberry on. I'm leaving at 5:30 to go to a screening of Terminator Salvation, and they're having a reception before the screening complete with refreshments. My vacation will officially begin when I walk out that door...and they'll just have to deal without me. They all kinda looked at me like I had three heads, but oh well! It felt so GOOD!!!

Okay, onto the topic at hand. I'm not sure how many of you have read about Iman's comments in the May 17th issue of Parade Magazine, but this is what she said:

"Mrs. Obama is not a great beauty. But she is so interesting looking and so bright. That will always take you further. When you're a great beauty, it's always downhill for you. If you're someone like Mrs. Obama, you just get better with age."

Hmmm....???

Now, only Iman knows what she meant by that comment - but what do you think? Backhanded compliment? I'm not going to speculate. I'm sure she meant nothing by it.... :-/

However, what I WILL say is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who might be considered a "great beauty" to Iman may not be all that beautiful to me...or you. Personally, I think Michelle Obama is stunning. Not "interesting looking"...but simply stunning.



What I will agree with in Iman's statement is that the First Lady is definitely bright and that she gets better with age. You get a sense that she knows EXACTLY who she is, and that's attractive. So many of us are trying to live up to some image we see in magazines. Everyday we are surrounded by messages that tell us if we lose "x" amount of weight, we'll be prettier, or that if we "fix" this one thing about ourselves, we'll be "beautiful." We're rarely told to reflect on our spirit, to nurture our intellect or to define our personalities. The challenge comes in letting go of our limited views of ourselves and trust that we are beautiful simply because we were created in the likeness of God. We are ALL "great beauties" through God's love. All of us.



It seems as if Mrs. Obama got that message loud and clear - she emanates beauty from within. Her spirit beams, her intellect blinds us, and what makes her beautiful isn't just limited to her wonderful fashion sense and amazing biceps. The beauty we see in her speaks to the woman she is, brought about my a great mind, a powerful presence and a knowledge that she is enough. Her eyes are opened. In her face, we see the unique feature of a woman who embodies a generous spirit that gives simply because it is in her nature. We gaze at her glory, and find ourselves in awe of her. Her beauty transcends the physical, and we shouldn't discriminate between what is beautiful and what is not with her - her beauty is infinite because she's gorgeous from the inside out - she radiates like the sun. No wonder Barack loves her!



"Great beauties" aren't something that we determine. God created us in His image, and once we tap into the beauty that is God, a veil is lifted, and true beauty shines forth illuminating everything around us. Mrs. Obama has that light. We should all seek it, and then share it. There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle...or the be the mirror that receives it.

-b

Happy Monday!

I'm fighting this cold but it's fighting me back! I just need to take it easy. The next 3 days are gonna be hectic for me work-wise. No one does my job while I'm out, so that means I'm gonna be stressed til I get on the plane Thursday morning. All of this stress is probably how I got sick in the first place - well, that and taking kisses from a snotty nosed nephew. I feel like I've been busy for 6 months straight with no end in sight. If it wasn't for the fact that I won't get a signal in DR, I'd probably be browsing my blackberry while I sit by the pool. Crazy right!?

It's a shame that we have to force ourselves to de-stress and take a break. I wish this was something that came naturally to me, but it doesn't. I had to really talk myself into taking a vacation - well, Pretty Ricky helped convince me too! I push myself til there's nothing left; my resistance is down, defenses immune to colds and I keep going anyway for fear that someone will say I let something fall through the cracks. I wish I had the mindset that the work will be there tomorrow and that I can't do EVERYTHING. Easier said than done, especially when I'm pretty much a one woman show.

Oddly enough, people who have higher titles and make WAY more money than I do don't seem to stress as much. Why is that? Sometimes I wonder if all this stress is self-imposed or if I really do have that much responsibility. I don't really have the luxury of not taking a call or responding to an email. If something gets left undone or I make a mistake, I can't hide from it or blame someone else. I guess that's why I stay late and take my work home with me. I wish I could say it was a time management problem, but there never seem to be enough hours in the day - mainly because TV never goes off and I have no one to delegate to. I'm sure I could be doing something better, but what??

This is my challenge. While I'm sitting on a nice, warm beach sipping on fruity drinks, I'm going to re-connect with myself and relax, relate and release! I'm going to re-evaluate what it is I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong with regard to managing my time and my stress better. I want to come back re-dedicated and re-focused so that I won't be burnt out until my next vacation. And I'm going to make sure I take MORE vacations! I'm going save time for myself and realize that I don't have to be Superwoman ALL THE TIME! The world will still turn without me....won't it? ;)

Does anyone else feel that way? I know my friends who are wives and mothers are laughing at me right now with all the work and stress that they face on a daily basis. I'm sure my workload doesn't even compare, but stress is stress - no matter what causes it. What do you all do to de-stress and relax?

We all say we want love, peace and happiness - but what are we doing to get it? That's something for me to think about as I bask in a tropical paradise while God pours a sunset across my shoulders. Ahhh...can't wait!

u Want 2 live
2 busy 2 breathe
u Want 2 give
2 busy 2 receive
u Want 2 have faith
2 busy 2 believe
u Want nothing but the truth
2 busy 2 be deceived
u Want 2 feel no pain
2 busy 2 be relieved
u Want 2 found
2 busy 2 hide
u Want sunny skies
2 busy 2 let the storm subside
u Want attention
2 busy 2 be ignored
u Want a brighter future
2 busy 2 holding on to the past
u Want it 2 never end
2 busy 2 make it last
u Want 2 be remembered
2 busy 2 be missed
u Want 2 have a long life
2 busy 2 live what’s left
u Want 2 cause me no problems
2 busy 2 be my only solution
u Want 2 smile more often
2 busy 2 be amused
u Want 2 be optimistic
2 busy 2 enjoy the simple pleasures
u Want the hurt 2 go away
Are u
2 busy 2 be loved?

-b

TGIF!!!

So, I caught a cold. I always catch one right before I go on vacation, never fails. I'm gonna fight it and beat it and be well just in time for my trip...mind over matter!

So last night I was browsing through the latest issue of Essence Magazine - the one with the beautiful Jennifer Hudson on the cover. In it, there's an article titled "The Body Shop" that details the lengths women go to to get a man, or please the one they have. It speaks of body image issues, video vixen models with phat booties, male fantasies and pole dancing. It's about the "growing pursuit of sexual perfection."

One section of the article is headlined: "If I were better in bed..." Here is an excerpt:

Carmen Brown showed up for the seminar about sex after a boyfriend told her, "Your head game is not at all up to par." If you think her man had unusually high expectations, think again. We polled twenty-and thirtysomething Black men to see what they were expecting in the bedroom and heard similar responses. Aaron, a 31-year-old computer programmer, wants a woman to brush up on her bedroom skills before hitting the sheets with him too. "She can study a couple of pornography films on her own and try to learn some skills via imitation," he suggests. Maxwell, a 33-year-old entertainment executive, expressed outrage at the idea of a woman performing oral sex poorly or not at all. "A woman should be committed to the act," he asserted. "That's the only way she's going from wifey to wife."

Wow...okay...

So that got me to thinking - if your man or woman wanted to send you to a Sex Performance School, would you go? If your boo wasn't all that great in bed, would you send them to a seminar to learn the ropes? Even if it meant they'd be "practicing" with someone else? hmmm...

We'd all like to think that our game is tight when it comes to sex, but if you had to really think about it, are there any areas you could use improvement?

For example, I'm not much of a "dirty talker." I make noise...I can definitely be LOUD...but I don't really "talk." And my phone sex skills might be a little rusty too. I've heard I have a nice voice, but I'm no Girl 6. I feel like the man has to really bring it out of me in order for me to go there. I usually feel silly if a sex call is initiated by someone else. If you catch me off guard, I start to giggle. I'm just not an erotic chatterbox. I always think of phone sex as limited to those who are in long distance relationships or who are celibate and that's how they release. But it shouldn't be limited to those extreme circumstances. Phone sex should be spontaneous and fun, not a daunting task or obligation. Now if I could only find someone to practice with :)

The last time I engaged in a little dirty talk, I was laying on my couch in kitty kat pajamas and fuzzy slippers with a scarf on my head. But in his mind, I was laying on the bed with satin sheets and nothing on but stilettos :) I think the fuzzy slippers were a little too comfy, and that's probably why I might not have been that into it or good at it that night :) So, I decided to take some initiative and think of ways I could improve my dirty talk skills if the occasion for me to use them ever...uh..."arises" ;) Here we go...

1. Set the mood - If he calls out the blue, then you might not have time to yank the curlers out of your hair and spray perfume on your body. But if you're planning a sex talk session, then set the mood by taking a nice, long hot bath. Oil yourself down and light some candles. Dim the lights and pick up the phone. It's probably easier to talk sexy when you feel sexy.

2. Make sure you're descriptive - I find that men like to know how turned on you are: hot, horny, hard nipples, body aching, heart beating between your legs, throbbing, etc. If you're not really feeling it, grab BOB out the nightstand drawer and GET TURNED ON. He might even like hearing the "bzzzzz" in the background (unless it's Annamaria's taser)...but you can always use it BEFORE you call if you feel self conscious about it :) If you have porn, even better! Put it on and watch it while you're talking to him and describe what you see.

3. Tell him exactly what he wants to hear - lie, lie and lie! He'll lap it up. If you don't feel like setting the mood, let him at least think you did...they'll never know ;-) Ask questions to see what state he's in and ask him what he wants. "Do you wanna squeeze my ________ Big Daddy?" - make him answer you...between grunts and moans that is :) LOL

4. If you find talking about licking difficult, imagine licking a chocolate ice cream and describe it. Use props if you have to...and your imagination. Close your eyes and let your mind go there.

5. Speak clearly, but seductively - say the world's filthiest words with the emphasis on the end; 'k' and 'c' noises are evocative.

6. Never forget it's the man's state of arousal you are with, not the man. In other words, when he's excited, make him believe only you have the power to satisfy him and his desires. Make him your bitch...in a good way :) LOL!!

7. Pay attention to him - if his breathing starts to stagger, and you hear these weird sounds going over there, keep going! Step it up, join in, climax with him! Get as excited as he is..and...wait for it...wait for it...."UGGGHHH!!!" Such a rewarding feeling :-) LOL!

I'm gonna stop here so you all can add to my list (and before I get all tingly at work) LOL. I need all the help I can get, so men, feel free to chime in. I'm willing to learn!

Have a great weekend everyone!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

While I could sit and list a bunch of random thoughts I've had during the week leading up to today, I want to fill this space rallying behind one of my dear friends, and loyal blog commenter's cause. You all know her as momo925 - but to me, she is Monica Gonzalez!



This is the email she shared with friends and colleagues last week:

If you are receiving this email, it is because you are either a friend of mine, a co-worker, or both. I am PROUD to let you all know that I am raising funds for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) as a participant in their Team In Training program. I'm asking you to help by making a donation to my fundraising campaign.

On September 27th, I will participate in The Westchester Triathlon! WOO HOO! Can you tell that I am SUPER EXCITED?!! This endurance event will include a .9 mile swim, a 26 mile cycling portion and 6.5 mile run. Pray for me! lol I feel like this will be one of the most meaningful and challenging things that I will do in my lifetime, and I know that with your help and support, I will SUCCEED!!

Please use the link in this email to donate online quickly and securely - plus learn more about my progress! You will receive a confirmation of your donation by email and I will be notified as soon as you make your donation.

If you prefer not to donate online, please feel free to donate by giving me a check or money order (payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.) OR you can make a cash contribution directly to me, which I will forward on your behalf to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Each donation helps accelerate finding a cure for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma. More than 823,000 Americans are battling these blood cancers. I am hoping that my participation in Team In Training will help bring them hope and support. No amount is too small because every little bit counts.

On behalf of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, thank you very much for your support. I greatly appreciate your generosity.

P.S. I would appreciate it if you would forward this email to as many people as you can to encourage them to donate as well.

Thanks again,
Monica

How awesome is she!!??

Monica isn't participating in this triathlon as the result of a personal tragedy or emotional crisis. She's simply giving of herself and her time to help make someone else's life a little better. While this is a journey to help save lives, I can only imagine that it would serve as a spiritual journey for her as well.

A triathlon would seem like a daunting task to many of us, but Monica is definitely up to the challenge. She has all of the tools she needs to use her gifts creatively to help someone else. Having that sort of awareness of the power we share is our Divine inheritance - it helps us to lead a more meaningful life. Without this awareness, life would have no purpose.

We sometimes take our health - our very lives - for granted. It's easy to take up a cause when we or someone we know is directly affected. Actually, even then it's not so easy. But the real challenge essential to our growth and development is calling on our spirit every day to see where there is an opportunity to learn, grow and serve. In setting this goal for herself, Monica is setting a new course for optimism, a new opportunity for self-evaluation and an exercise in faith. While raising money for a worthy cause, she will also challenge her mind to focus, her body to train and her spirit to do God's work. Monica is drawing on her personal resources - and us - to help her complete a life-transforming goal. Let's not let her down.

There's a saying that "there is no end to what a living world will demand of you." I'd also like to add that there's no end to what a living God will demand of you. To whom much is given, much is required. Like she said, every little bit counts - so let's help as much as we can as we join Monica in racing to save lives.

-b

p.s. It's still Random Thoughts Thursday..so GO!

Happy Hump Day!

It's the middle of the week and I can't think of anything but the weekend. I'm counting down the days until my vacation, and Pretty Ricky has already promised to get me drunk the minute I step off the plane in the Dominican Republic :) Now, I'm not much of a drinker, but some Mamajuanas sound real good right about now. I don't even know what that is, but he keeps writing me about them so I'm gonna drink it :-) I want the hot sun on my face, sand between my toes, tanned skin and no worries.

The first thing I'm going to do in preparation for my vacation is get my hair braided on Saturday. The last thing I want to worry about as I splash around in the ocean is my hair - so braids it is. I'll just have to remember to pack a lunch and bring a good book, cuz I'll be sitting there all day getting my tender headed scalp yanked. Yes, a long, painful ordeal...but hey...the things we do for convenience.

I don't have any hair on my legs, so there's no need to shave them. But I will make sure my underarms are smooth and my eyebrows are waxed and plucked. I'll save the mani/pedi for next Wednesday before I go so my nails will be nice and shiny :)

But there's the issue of the bikini line. Normally I Nair it. No shaving for me - it itches as it grows back - and scratching around in that area is not a good look. But Miss Kitty is always well kept. I was toying around with the idea of getting a Brazilian Wax. I've never had that done before. I've always kinda done it on my own - MY way. But I was seriously considering it until I pondered - "do I really want hot wax around Miss Kitty?"

Not only do I NOT want hot wax around my Sunshine, I don't want body hair ripped out from the root around my womanly space either! OUCH! Is it really that deep? This would be me:



I mean, I know it'll probably be as smooth as a baby's bottom and the hair won't grow back for weeks. There will be no razor bumps or chemical burns. But do I really want to yank pubic hair from my body? I think I may pass on that - last thing I need is to suffer the consequences of a bikini wax gone wrong and I'm all red and swollen on my precious vacation. Nah son...not me.

I bring all this up to say that women do some rather insane things to achieve modern standards of beauty. We wear shoes that cripple our feet. We strap on bras that dig into our chest and shoulders and push our breasts up to our chins. We slide on pantyhose to firm our stomachs and slim our thighs, wear makeup to hide our imperfections, and dye our hair to diminish our grays. And we have this strange habit of yanking out body hair from the follicle - be it our eyebrows, underarms, legs, or pubic hair.

Yes, I do have a point here (besides making the men all skeeved out). Women tend to do all this in the name of beauty, but at the same time, we don't want to be defined by it. We want men to love us for our brains or our personality, but we go get plucked, polished, shaved and waxed so that we can be "beautiful." Are we being hypocritical? Let's face it - we wouldn't be doing this crap to our bodies if it weren't for men. We'd be some fat, hairy bitches..right? Right.

Now you can say, "I do it for me, to feel good about myself" all you want, but we both know that's a damn lie. No woman is going to subject herself to self-mutilation if it wasn't for men. No woman. Okay, maybe the mani/pedi is nice to look at or we don't want eyebrows that crawl across our foreheads - I'll give you that. But come on...a bikini wax? Hot Wax on Miss Kitty? No...HELL no.

So tell me, what is the strangest, most insane thing you've done in the name of beauty? Men, you can answer this too. I know a few who have gotten their backs waxed, or who shave their chest hair. Men get mani/pedi's too ya know.



Have any of you ever had a beauty procedure go REALLY wrong and wound up looking like a crazy person, or rushed to the emergency room?

Do you think we go too far in the name of "beauty?"

Lemme hear it!

-b