Friday, December 9, 2011
This is a declaration shared with me by a dear friend, and it spoke to my soul in a way that left me wanting to share it with all of you. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. That's what we all long for.
Wanting To Be Loved...by Su.
I recently listened to “Empty Prayers” from MJB’s album My Life II: The Journey Continues, for the first time. To say that the song touched me would be a huge understatement. That song moved the earth beneath my soul. For the first time in a long time, I heard music set to the simple, honest words that I myself have been too scared to feel or admit out loud.
The feeling of wanting someone to love you, to be chosen, to be cherished, is monumental when you really examine it - yet it is such an innate, raw, human emotion that most of us desire and need. The feeling of being loved can overwhelm and sustain you, suffocate you and cloud your judgment, lift you to the highest highs – and level you when that love never shows up – or worse, shows up and then leaves. The world sees my tough-as-nails defensive exterior, but if you really knew me - the me that is fearful of letting down my guard - you would know that internally my soul just wants to be held and loved for all the days of my life. Not the self-love type of love or the type of love that you get from a friend or family...for that I am thankfully blessed in abundance. I’m referring to the type of love that would have you on your knees “begging God”. The type of love between a soul and a mate – that rare kind of love that lasts a lifetime – even if the lover is lost or left, the feelings never die – kind of love. The type of love that you would give everything not to lose: true love.
I don’t know if I know what it feels like to be truly, unconditionally loved by a man. Perhaps my father loved me in that way...I honestly don’t know. He never saw me at my worst. He never witnessed the wrath of my tongue, the spite in my spirit, the revenge of my nature, or the stubbornness of my ilk. He only saw the “weekend” me who was just so happy to see him - my best behavior overflowed. I loved my Daddy, but I did not learn how to love or be loved by a man by being in his presence. I know he loved me dearly in the way a father loves his pride. I loved him and forgave him – and overlooked everything else. He loved me as he could and I treasure and miss each moment I spent in his presence. Perhaps not having that leading example has left me at a disadvantage in the "getting and keeping love" department.
As I age, I have come to accept that I am not an expert at love by any means or stretch of the imagination. If you believe, and I do, that we learn our love lessons from the very beginning, I have to accept that my soul-mate love examples never showed up for me - and I have been looking, yearning for it ever since.
I’ve loved and lost, made bad love decisions, loved more than I should have and at times, have not loved enough. In my yester-year, I have been fortunate enough to have been deeply loved by a mate, but that love-light - that all-spark - has managed not to land on me or stick to me in a long, long time.
Wanting To Be Loved...by Su.
I recently listened to “Empty Prayers” from MJB’s album My Life II: The Journey Continues, for the first time. To say that the song touched me would be a huge understatement. That song moved the earth beneath my soul. For the first time in a long time, I heard music set to the simple, honest words that I myself have been too scared to feel or admit out loud.The feeling of wanting someone to love you, to be chosen, to be cherished, is monumental when you really examine it - yet it is such an innate, raw, human emotion that most of us desire and need. The feeling of being loved can overwhelm and sustain you, suffocate you and cloud your judgment, lift you to the highest highs – and level you when that love never shows up – or worse, shows up and then leaves. The world sees my tough-as-nails defensive exterior, but if you really knew me - the me that is fearful of letting down my guard - you would know that internally my soul just wants to be held and loved for all the days of my life. Not the self-love type of love or the type of love that you get from a friend or family...for that I am thankfully blessed in abundance. I’m referring to the type of love that would have you on your knees “begging God”. The type of love between a soul and a mate – that rare kind of love that lasts a lifetime – even if the lover is lost or left, the feelings never die – kind of love. The type of love that you would give everything not to lose: true love.
I don’t know if I know what it feels like to be truly, unconditionally loved by a man. Perhaps my father loved me in that way...I honestly don’t know. He never saw me at my worst. He never witnessed the wrath of my tongue, the spite in my spirit, the revenge of my nature, or the stubbornness of my ilk. He only saw the “weekend” me who was just so happy to see him - my best behavior overflowed. I loved my Daddy, but I did not learn how to love or be loved by a man by being in his presence. I know he loved me dearly in the way a father loves his pride. I loved him and forgave him – and overlooked everything else. He loved me as he could and I treasure and miss each moment I spent in his presence. Perhaps not having that leading example has left me at a disadvantage in the "getting and keeping love" department.
As I age, I have come to accept that I am not an expert at love by any means or stretch of the imagination. If you believe, and I do, that we learn our love lessons from the very beginning, I have to accept that my soul-mate love examples never showed up for me - and I have been looking, yearning for it ever since.
I’ve loved and lost, made bad love decisions, loved more than I should have and at times, have not loved enough. In my yester-year, I have been fortunate enough to have been deeply loved by a mate, but that love-light - that all-spark - has managed not to land on me or stick to me in a long, long time.
I want it.
I want to be loved. I want to be chosen by the mate that I choose. I am ready. I welcome love into my life, into my heart, and I pray and beg God that when He blesses me again – nothing will separate us till death do us part. Hear my declaration universe and let me claim what is meant for me. Let the love shine on me and fill this lonely heart of mine.
There. I said it. I want you to love me, love me, love me!
There. I said it. I want you to love me, love me, love me!
… I promise, I will love you back.
S.A.A.D - 12/9/11
S.A.A.D - 12/9/11
-Su
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15 comments:
FIRST BITCHES!!!
FIRST bitches!
DAMMIT!!!!
Guess I'll read the blog now :(
This was amazing...and very brave.
EVERYONE wants to be loved. It's what we were put on this Earth for, yet so many of us pretend like we don't need or want this very innate thing. Kudos to Su for saying what we all feel, need and want. I loved it!
tears....
wow! This is powerful. Thanks for sharing Brooke. While I do know that love of a full-time father, I do think that it accurately summarizes how we all seek love....
Nice.
Well. I'm crying now.
This was wonderful. And I completely relate.
"The type of love between a soul and a mate – that rare kind of love that lasts a lifetime – even if the lover is lost or left, the feelings never die – kind of love. The type of love that you would give everything not to lose: true love."
This whole piece struck me and after reading it I teared up. We all deserve to be loved.
I've suffered from loving someone and the love leaving. Its a huge sense of rejection, failure and a love lost. It can literally tear you up.
Su thank you for voicing your soul and honestly what others think and feel but are afraid to say out loud.
I hesitated to be the first, or only man, to respond to this post. But what struck me is the feeling that not having that man in your life, your father, set the tone for the love you expect to receive into adulthood.
From this I take a lesson to be the best example for my daughter. (Yes, I have a daughter too). I want her to know what real love is from a man, and she can only learn that from me, so thank you for this. I gotta make sure I'm on my ish so that my daughter will know her worth, and will know how to make wise choices in men through me.
I've read this three times now. I can SO relate. My dad wasn't always in my life either - it was very inconsistent...and I think that's why I make the choices in men I make now. It really does make a difference.
Cable Guy, it's so great that you want to take the lead in your daughter's life to be the man you ultimately want her to marry.
Wait. Did Cable Guy just sneak a kid in on us?
:-)
Yeah, I actually have 3. Might as well put that out there :-)
THREE!!!???
Brooke! Run!
I knew about his youngn's :-)
Wow! I agree, powerful. It made me think and reflect on me and where I am. I grew up envisioning myself as a wife/mother. I would have loved nothing more. When I look at Michelle Obama (only using her as a reference since we can all relate), I can easily see myself. However, I missed my boat.
As a single with more than 10 years in, I love and cherish my singleness. Many would say I love it too much. I no longer anticipate relationships/falling in love. Many times, I can't even imagine giving up the independence of singleness at this point. Yet, I'm still moved by love songs that describe that genuine love between soul mates. My heart skips a beat and I get all girly inside when I see couples whose marriages have truly stood the test of time, especially older couples. The same happens when I watch love stories.
Although I love this solitude I've become accustomed to, I guess the hopeless romantic in me who loves hard is telling me love isn't done with me yet. Is it? Or, have I just closed my heart to the possibility of love? Interesing. Thanks for sharing, Brooke....
I won't leave Cable Guy (with all the chi'ren) out there by himself. Knowing how important fathers are to their children, especially their daughters, I'll make it my mission to be the best example of a good man for any child I have - male or female. Thanks for sharing Brooke, very powerful indeed.
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