Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Rainy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- This weather blows.

- I wanted to stay curled up in my blanket this morning - why didn't I call out sick?

- I think it's now been a month since I got a mani/pedi...I need a treat. Doing my nails myself just doesn't look or feel the same.

- What do you all consider sexy?

- I've been wearing my new boots non-stop - so comfy! Breaking them in nicely.

- So hungry!

- I made chili for lunch but I don't want it. Could go for some Amish pizza - Monica knows what I'm talking about. Perfect day for it.

- Spin class tonight! I'm skerred.

- Where did October go?

- Anyone going to any fun Halloween parties this weekend? They're having a costume contest for PETS in my apartment complex this Sunday...should be so cyute!

- I just want candy. Reeses, Twix, Milky Ways, Snickers, alladat!

- Trick.....or treat? ;-)

- Don't you just love it when you're (arguing) debating with someone and you see in their eyes the exact moment they realize they're wrong? :-)

- My fantasy team is sucking ass big time. I lost by HALF A FREAKIN POINT last week. I was robbed! Muddafuggin Flacco!

- Anyone on the blog still in love with an ex?

- My homemade iced tea is bangin'!

- I need a hot stone massage....asap!

- I stole this week's throwback from Rameer's Facebook page. He was on a 90's hip hop rampage last night! This was my joint!



Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday everyone!

So this past weekend, friends and family gathered for my nephew's 5th birthday party. It was mostly a group of my sister's friends who have become my "friends" by default. They were all sharing stories of their marriages, husbands, how sleeping in flannel pajamas is not sexy and passion parties. However, what struck most of the women was one woman's claim to have never farted in front her husband of over a decade.

They all wondered how that was even possible. Never???

She says she will get out of a warm, cozy bed and walk into another room to pass gas, rather than let a little one go in her husband's presence....whether he was awake or not.

I guess she feels some things should remain a mystery - and since she's not really a "gassy" person, it's easy for her. Other women, however, said they felt comfortable enough to fart in front of their husbands, even before they got married. One woman said she regularly let loose around her man, even when they were simply dating and out at the movies.

That got me to thinking about dating, and when is a good time to let someone see "the real" you, or "all" of you. So the question of the day is: When should we be comfortable enough to fart in front of our mates - or should we always keep SOME things a mystery? Obviously this question isn't limited to passing gas, but feel free to tell us what you will do in front of your mate, or what you will NEVER do or let him/her see...ever in life so long as you can help it.

Go!

-b

TGIF!!

I have another guest blogger today! Let's see if we can help her with her dilemma - hopefully the men will chime in to give us some perspective. Let's go!

All I Really Want is to Be Happy...by Emotionally Done



The title of this post was inspired by a friend on Facebook that had it as her status. I immediately snagged it from her not knowing that we were in the same boat. Too many of my friends in 2011 are sharing a similar journey. Some even have kids with these guys. The boat we are in is love with no commitment.

All of us are in love with guys that won't commit. I tried to "control" my feelings last year. I was in denial because I just knew that I had my guard up! But by the holidays of 2010 I knew I was in love with him.

I confessed my love and he said he wasn't there yet - which is fine. The one thing I know is that people don't always feel the same way at the same time.

But what happens when almost a year has gone by and still nothing? The guys we love stated that they are attracted to us, deeply care for and even love us...but are not "in love." However, they all said that they want a woman that loves them and cares for them...but yet when God gave us to them, they don't know what to do!

Emotions are even more on a high when there are kids involved. We have a young daughter together and he said a child doesn't make a relationship. Well that's true, but I had these feelings before I even knew I was pregnant. So now what? Sometimes I wish that my feelings would just fade to the back!

I asked Brooke if I could write to the blog. I read her blogs but never really comment, but love the blog fam. I'm baffled and hurt. There have even been times when people called me his girlfriend and he doesn't correct them. Even some of his family thinks we're together...and yet he won't correct them either! WTH???

Remember that scene from Love Jones when Nia Long slept with a pillow in between her legs because he was in the next room...yeah that was me recently. Not cool!

What have I decided to do with my situation? Suppress my feelings. Why keep showing love when it's not being returned? I'm physically starved for affection but I'm tired of being a "play girlfriend."

I would love to hear what the blog has to say...especially the men. Is he scared? Does he just want his cake and eat it too? Maybe feelings from the past are haunting him? Let me hear your thoughts and if you have ever felt this way.

Signed,
Emotionally Done

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- So glad it's Thursday - can't wait for this work week to be over!

- My nephew Ibrahim's birthday is Sunday - he'll be 5 years old! Woo-hoo!

- People tryna test me this week...and I caught a cold. Not cool.

- What to eat for lunch?

- I'm in desperate need of a mani/pedi, but I keep putting it off. I need to treat myself.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know NOT to answer when they call.

- I realized today on the train that I'm not a big fan of high school aged kids.

- Do any of you still collect dvd's?

- I need to make a trade in Fantasy Football. I'll be reaching out to Meercat for help soon...if I have time to do my research!

- How is it Oct. 20th already??

- So thankful for all of my blessings...truly!

- If you don't "like" MadameNoire.com on FB, "like" it today :-)

- I have three scarves at work. Three. Cold much?

- Sometimes free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it.

- The DMoe throwback for this week!



Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Here is a question of the day: How many of you care what other people think - be it friends or family, or society in general - about the person you date/love? This has been a topic of conversation between my friends and me for a little while now, so I thought I'd ask the blog how much influence others have on who you date, love, marry, etc.

It doesn't even have to be as deep as who you choose for a life partner. How many of you have been out on a date, ran into someone you knew and immediately tried to 1) HIDE! 2) size up your date to make sure he/she looked good enough to be introduced to your friend, or 3) wanted to flaunt your date cuz you knew he/she was hot like FIYA!? Whether consciously or subconsciously, I think we all have cared to an extent what others thought of our love choices.

I think women do it more so than men. When we tell our girls about a new guy we're dating or interested in, the usual questions typically follow. They want to know his stats - what does he do, what does he drive, where does he live, does he have kids, how many, how many baby mamas, etc. Rarely do my friends ask upfront if he makes me happy, rubs my feet, takes me to church, listens to me or if he's a good guy. While I know they want to make sure I'm taken care of, we don't normally get to THAT part of the conversation right away. They want to see a picture first to make sure he's FINE, and THEN (100 questions later) they ask me if he's good to his mother.

Men, I don't think they care what their friends think...as much. I'm sure they do to some degree - in the realm of what she looks like, if she's smart, has a job, no baby daddies and can fry up a mean steak. But for the most part, if their boy is happy, they're cool. Unless she's throwing bricks through his window or slashing tires...you know, the usual ;-)

Ultimately, I'm sure we can say that we care what our friends and family think in some way, shape or form. Some more than others - and there's nothing wrong with that. I value my close friends' opinions, because I know they have my best interest at heart. I trust anything my sister says, because she's always honest...to the point where it makes me uncomfortable to have to look at myself in the mirror and see that I just might be wrong, delusional, irrational, too sensitive, blind to what's in front of me or just plain trippin'. We all need that from time to time.

But then there are times where we care TOO MUCH what others think, to the point where we block our own happiness. You have to know the difference between someone giving you sincere advice, and someone simply hating on your happiness. There's a difference between genuine concern and someone being judgemental. It's up to us to be able to discern so that we don't live our lives for someone else.

At the end of the day, we're adults who can and will do whatever we want...so live your life for yourself. And if you put true love on hold because of how it looks to others, you’re sacrificing your own happiness for no real reason.

I know it's easier said than done when assessing the opinions of people you care about compared to your own desires, but someone who loves you will love your partner, too. Why? Because you love him/her and because he/she makes you happy. Anyone who can’t fall in line to support your choice in mate is putting their needs/desires/prejudices before what’s really important: your happiness.

So back to the question of the day: Have you ever ended a relationship because of what your friends and family thought? Not because they’re protecting you from a player/asshole/addict/violent/abusive person, but because they selfishly wanted you to marry someone just like you? Just like THEM? If so, how did you reconcile this?

Let's hear it!

Go!

-b

Happy Monday everyone!

Our very own Serena Wills asked if she could guest blog today, so of course I said yes! This video makes me want to go back to the 90's, even if only for a day. They don't make music and videos like this anymore :) Anyway, to the blog...let's go!

What About Your Friends?...by Serena Wills.



I'm at a real crossroads these days and decided to ask other artists and entrepreneurs how they felt about being supported. I always assumed that when I finally became published and took stage that I would have a sea of friends in the crowd buying my books. Everyone talked about supporting me as an artist, but once my dreams started taking place and happening, I saw different.

At first I was heart broken (still am sometimes) that I have friends that don't have any of the books I'm published in, or say they will come to an event where I'm the feature or an open mic and bow out on me at the last minute.

When I asked artists and entrepreneurs if they were going through the same thing, most of them answered yes. One artist out of Dallas said she's had her art exhibited in multiple shows and galleries, and maybe a couple of friends attended. A musician I interviewed said something so honest that I had to take what he said and write it on a wall. He said, "At first I was upset. People are happy for me, but when it comes time to buy my music or come to shows, they don't. However I'm not pursuing my dreams because of them! I have to keep moving forward, there's a whole world out there that wants to hear me."

He's so right...there is a whole world out there. We can't keep relying on our comfort zone. We just automatically assume that the zone will support - but sometimes it won't.

In 2012, I'm going to take a lot of what others have said and re-brand myself. Reach out to more people and places. Since I've been back east, I've had a lot going on and now I have to refocus. In Dallas, I either did shows or was vending every month! I met so many people from all walks of life that ended up supporting me because they liked or loved my writing and framed poetry collection.

In closing, pursue your dreams despite who really supports you or not. Also remember you have to move forward with your dreams because they are yours! God gave them to you. Lastly, reach out to the world with your gift and step out the zone. I have to do so because right now I'm stuck in it and frustrated.

Questions for the group - if you're an entrepreneur/artist/etc. what's your gift, how do you market your product, do you or did you feel stuck, and what's your plan to build on your dreams? Do you want to retire the 9-5 world and just work for you?

Go!

- Serena Wills

TGIF mi gente!

So last night at dinner, my colleagues Crystal and Beverly and I were discussing relationships and if there is a benefit to being single rather than being coupled up. Being mature, single women who live alone, we thought maybe we (read ME) were a little too set in our ways to share our space and make compromises for the sake of a relationship.

It was a light-hearted conversation, and we laughed at each other's lists of "things that annoy the hell out of us."

Beverly said it bugs her when people wear their shoes in the bathroom, or take the last bite of food in the house. I said I can’t stand when people (read MEN) sit on the sofa in a wet towel, sit on my pillow or let the toilet seat slam down. Crystal didn’t really list her pet peeves, but I’m sure she has some. We all do.

While some pet peeves may be silly or downright irrational, it doesn’t change the fact that we all know what we like or don’t like when it comes to dealing with our partners in relationships. Our little quirks can make us adorable at first, but can quickly go left after the honeymoon stage is long over. Next thing you know, we can’t stand the way our partner breathes…”you blink too loudly!”

Every relationship has its little annoyances, and if not addressed can cause resentment…which will inevitably lead to the beginning of the end. So with that, here is the question of the day: What are some of your relationship pet peeves? They can be silly, or they can be serious character traits that are eventual deal breakers.

Mine?

1. Thoughtlessness
2. Combativeness
3. Lying
4. Broken Promises
5. Neediness

Go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- I had a great time last weekend with my family - especially celebrating my sister's birthday with her! I miss them!

- It's mid October already - I feel like we're speed racing to New Year's!

- Can't wait to eat my Korean short ribs from Trader Joe's today - but Monica is tempting me with Hale and Hearty soup! Can't do it though...cuz I'm having barbeque for dinner tonight! Yum! Not to mention an open bar and appetizer's afterwards at the premiere party for our new series Bordertown: Laredo. I'll work it all off.....tomorrow ;-)

- I need to call T-Mobile to figure out what all these mysterious fees are. My bill is too high.

- I bought boots today - couldn't help it.

- I think it would be cool for my nephew to have his birthday party at a place that makes chocolate. That may just be a bit self serving ;-)

- I'm waiting for my muscles to get sore from this killer workout Monica and I did last night. There's always a day delay with me, but BOY I'm gonna feel it. Yikes!

- Almost finished reading the book for the book club! Maybe tonight on the train....

- Should I make cheesecake and bring it to Annamaria's to share with the group? Hmmmm.....

- I've missed Basketball Wives: LA for the past 3 weeks and don't miss it at all. Over it.

- Did anyone check out the BET Hip Hop Awards, or Reed Between the Lines? Thoughts? I caught only the Shady Cypher and Heavy D's performance...check it!



I think of DMoe every time I hear "errbody Dougie, err, errbody Dougie!" LOL!



Some other Cyphers...the only thing really worth watching on the Hip Hop Awards:



Why did Rosay have a blouse on? Anyway...



International flow, I see you Estelle...holla!

Okay, that should be enough - this week's throwback!



Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday!

I have a dynamic guest blogger today - and some of my SU alum may know her well. She's a force to be reckoned with, and her post inspired me to the point of wanting to share with you all. Please show some love :-)

Stop Talking About It and Just Be About It...My Journey to Fitness
by Loree Johnson

Days have passed since I stepped on stage for the very first time and I continue to struggle to capture what this experience has been like for me. I look at my competition photos and do a double take. I ask myself repeatedly "Is that really me?" It might seem like a silly (cliché-ish) question to ask oneself, but it's true.

I have always prided myself on being an intellectual, and therefore I felt a little embarrassed to share my decision to compete. Would people think I'm too vain? But this competition was never about vanity for me.

My journey toward competition has been long and varied. My journey to fitness did not begin with a desire to compete. Over the years, I gained weight, lost weight, and gained weight again. I valued being physically fit, however I never fully understood the proper balance between nutrition and exercise to achieve my goal. Like most women, I have also had a long and complicated relationship with my body, which centered around that number on the scale.

For many years, I was on autopilot. My twenties and early thirties were devoted to completing my education and establishing my career. I completed a doctoral program in Marriage and Family Therapy. I became licensed in two states. I launched a private practice with two thriving office locations by the age of 36. I was driven (and still am).

My career as a professional who helps others has always been rewarding. I delight in my clients' successes and in knowing I played some part in inspiring and supporting them in achieving their personal and/or professional goals. However, along the way of helping other, I lost sight of myself. I lost my focus on eating properly and I neglected exercising, especially as the challenges of maintaining a work/life balance became a daily reality. I sought more comfort in eating instead of physical activity. Even as I talked about the importance of balance with my clients, I struggled in my own right.

After watching a dear friend compete for the first time at the age of 40, I decided to stop talking about changing my body and my nutrition and decided to actually start doing something about it. Many competitors, who offered words of encouragement along the way, noted how I was about to embark on a journey in which I would learn a lot about myself. I kept asking myself, "What did they mean?" I had already gone through so many hurdles in life that had tested my strength and fortitude. Surely a little training would not be any more of a challenge than what I had already endured. I could not have been more wrong. I woke up at 5am for four straight months to hit the gym for at least two hours before heading into the office for a ten hour day (not including my commute). I was exhausted as I sat and listened to my clients as they recounted their personal struggles. At times I became frustrated because of my own fatigue. But through all of this, I remained determined.

During my training there were times I felt like crying and there were times when I actually wiped away a few tears, but I still pushed myself to finish my workout. I could be upset (or mad, sad, insert any feeling here), but I had to be upset while doing what I needed to nurture me. I was tired, cranky, and wanted to give up, but I refused, which is symbolic of how I live my life. I may get discouraged and a little derailed, but I always get back on track. There's something invigorating about challenging your body, thinking that you can't push any further yet harnessing a little more strength from deep within - taking yourself to the limit to find out what you're really made of.

I also looked to other competitors in the field for support and inspiration, such as Earnestine Shepherd, a woman who discovered bodybuilding in her 50's and Teresa Anthony, a professional figure competitor, who works as a contractor for NASA. These women personify strength and muscularity with style and grace. I was also fortunate to work with two individuals who guided me at different points along my competition journey: my nutritionist, Dr. Philip Goglia, and my posing coach, Nancy Georges. Their experience, insight and encouragement were invaluable.

Most importantly, I looked to one person whose support was priceless - my partner, Michael. Through the early morning training sessions (yes, he trained right along with me), the adventures of changing meal plans from week to week, and the ups and downs of life, he offered words of encouragement and reminded me of the commitment I made to myself.

Through this process, I connected with the strength that I had lost sight of and I stayed connected to the commitment I made to myself, which I had often sabotaged in the past. Stepping on stage was the culmination of my following through on that commitment. It was rewarding to finally stop talking about it and just be about it.

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Rest in peace to Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, who passed away yesterday at the age of 56. His innovative spirit, vision and genius has changed the world, and we all can learn from his greatness and leadership. What an amazing legacy to leave behind, and I am grateful to have witnessed it in my lifetime. Be inspired...for "those who are crazy enough to believe they can change the world are the ones who actually do."

- Rest in peace to Rev. Fred Shuttlesworth, a major civil rights leader and icon. He was described by Martin Luther King, Jr. as "the most courageous civil rights fighter in the South."He died yesterday in Birmingham, Alabama at the age of 89. We salute you, and thank you.

- It's been really "autumn-like" out there past few days, and the crisp air is so refreshing! I think it's gonna warm up one last time this weekend and early next week and then Fall will be in full effect!

- I want boots. Real bad. I think I'm gonna have to give in before the weekend comes.

- Good news: I lost 3 lbs so far this week. Bad news: I brought lasagna to work today for lunch. Sigh.

- I'll work it off in Tru Dog's class tonight.

- Still waiting for Kim to tell me how the Michael Jackson Circ du Soleil show was in Canada - we're going in April!

- Yes, I'm an MJ fanatic :-)

- Can't wait to see my sister this weekend - we're celebrating her birthday! woo-hoo!

- Trying to hold off til next Wednesday for a mani/pedi.

- I want my braids back for the winter.

- I saw a woman in labor on the train today. She was doing her panting/breathing thing, clutched onto her man's arm with her pillow gripped tight in her other arm. Everyone on the train looked nervous, but no one looked more terrified than her husband/baby daddy/whoever he was. She just kept asking, "Are we there yet?" I wonder if they made it and if she had the baby by now. I pray she delivered a healthy baby.

- I have meetings all day today, so let me get right to the throwback!



Go!

-b

It's TMI Tuesday...a day late, but worth the wait ;-)

The Dilemma of the Split Second Fantasy...by The Fury.

"Fury, do you mind stepping into my office for a second?" The Executive VP of Global Operations whispered to me with her head poked out of her doorway.

"Umm..Sure. Not a problem." I replied.

I wasn't scared for my job, she wasn't a direct report of mine. I was very curious as to why the extremely business savvy, mistress of the business universe and eye-wateringly gorgeous woman was staring at me across her desk with her steely blue eyes.

"This is the first time you've been in here, isn't it?" She said with a giggle as she saw me staring around at her degrees, awards and pictures of her family.

THAT body pushed out two kids? Wow.

"Yes. Thanks for the privilege" I joked. She laughed.

"Well I actually need to ask you for a privilege…"

Immediately my mind raced to thoughts of her begging for knee quivering sex.
I could make use of her solid oak desk. It would take just a nod from her for me to slide her pencil skirt over her slim hips and plant my tongue on her pleasure center. But she was an authority figure right? There must be all manner of repressed needs in her head. She would like to be dominated, right?

She wanted me to force her to her knees. She wanted a mouthful..no she wanted to gag on my mandingo stem.

"How can I help you?" I smiled.

"Well, I was hoping to offer Mark on your team a position on mine and I wanted to clear it with you first. I know he's a hard worker and also wanted your opinion and your blessing."

Shit!

My mind went too far again. It does that.

Sometimes brief interactions can create some of the deepest, darkest, dirtiest thoughts in my mind. It's rare that my face will crack. I don't wear my emotions on my shoulder. But the thoughts are vulgar. So very nasty.

I know I'm not alone in dirty thoughts. It's the depth to which they go.
They hit the bottom (smirk). They run the gamut. The thoughts become entire scenarios. Filthy things I want to do to her or have her do to me. Or to them...

On the occasion that I actually find myself alone and naked with an object of these thoughts, I have to train myself not to reenact the thoughts…well at least not immediately;-)

I'm not crazy. I'm not a perv. I just have a very active imagination.

How about you? Have you found yourself thinking the dirtiest of things about people you interact with? Having dreams about people you'd never imagine?
How do you handle those thoughts?

They call me The Fury and two pennies for my thoughts may make you blush.

--The Fury

Happy TMI Tuesday!

I totally dropped the ball and forgot to remind Fury that TMI Tuesday was coming up. You'd think he'd have these marked on his calendar by now...ahem...but I'll take the blame since it's my blog and no one is responsible for it but me.

Anyhoo, since we don't have Fury's freaky blog to read today, I thought I'd re-post a blog I ran across that some of you might find interesting.

Remember I mentioned in Random Thoughts Thursday last week that I had a disturbing - somewhat sexual - dream about one of my (female) friends - and Fury was helping me to interpret it? Well this article might have come in handy right after I woke up to give me some insight.

We'll have TMI "Wednesday" tomorrow with Fury, but for now....

11 Sex Dreams That Don't Mean What You Think They Do
Published Friday, June 5, 2009

This isn't apropos of anything. I just found myself on a dream interpretation website and thought I'd bring it to 11points. I like dream interpretation -- nothing is what it seems, everything means something else. No matter what Freud said, a cigar is never a cigar. For today, I'm analyzing 11 different sex dream subjects to let you know what they REALLY mean.

1. Dream of a dominatrix, find God.If you dream about... a dominatrix it means that... you're looking to find God. Apparently, dreaming that you're a dominatrix means you're looking to step up your spirituality. Not sure how digging your spiked high heel into someone until they say the safety word (most likely "razzmatazz") is a sign that you're looking to be born again, but hey, who am I to argue with a book?

2. If you dream about... watching someone get naked it means that... you're compassionate. Watching someone get undressed shows you want to understand that person better so you can empathize and become more comfortable with them. I suppose this even applies if you're watching them get undressed through binoculars outside their window.

3. If you dream about... castration it means that... you feel uncreative. Makes sense, getting your genitals lopped off is akin to not being able to express yourself by painting seascapes or making a bunch of pots.

4. If you dream about... orgies it means that... you need to have fewer hobbies. Take a note: If, in your dream, you're getting spread too thin by simultaneous sex with a half dozen people... maybe it means you're getting spread too thin in real life. So give up stamp collecting or you're going to keep dreaming of getting gangbanged.

5. If you dream about... an erection it means that... you should finally start writing that novel you're always talkin' about. Erections don't mean erections in dreams. They mean you have power and energy you need to use, and, most commonly, use in a creative way.

6. Wear a chastity belt, go relax.If you dream about... wearing a chastity belt it means that... you're too protective. Clearly. If you want to put your lady genitalia under lock-and-key, it's a sign that you need to relax.

7. If you dream about... condoms it means that... well, it depends on the condom. If the condom is wrapped, it means you need to start letting other people voice their opinions. If you're a woman and you dream about a man wearing a condom, it means you feel emotional protected. And finally, if the condom is unwrapped, it means you're sexually frustrated (naturally, because every dream interpretation has to be the opposite of logical).

8. If you dream about... incest it means that... you forgive a family member for an argument. Seriously. Your subconscious mind rewards them sexually. And yes, that's gross, but it doesn't mean (1) you're sexually attracted to your sister or (2) that you should take the dream as a sign and act on it in real life. She gives you a nice birthday present, just thank her with a heartfelt hug.

9. If you dream about... performing oral sex on yourself it means that... you're a selfish bastard. But hey, I respect you for dreaming of something so ambitious.

10. If you dream about... being gay it means that... you're not gay. It just means that you accept yourself and you're compassionate.

11. But if you dream about... being bisexual it means that... you're gay. And those two interpretations back-to-back really sum up the seemingly random and illogical art of dream interpretation.

.....so....anyone have any interesting dreams lately?

Go!

-b