Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Happy Hump Day!
Okay, so I'm still in a bit of a blog block state, but luckily a friend gave me a topic for today. He told me a story about his boy who went on a date with a woman, she came back home with him, she took a SHOWER with him, but then rejected him when it came time to do the dirty dirty.
No sex. He could kiss her, fondle her, caress her and wash her....but no sex.
How DARE he assume that a woman who gets fully naked and lets soapy water run all over her body in his presence wants to have sex with him!?
Well...in case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic. If I were dude, I'd think she wanted to jump me too. Girlfriend was being a tease, and who knows why she didn't do it. Maybe she had every intention on freakin' this guy, but then saw what he was working with and changed her mind. We do that sometimes you know.
....and why did he even share that story? He should have taken that to his grave...but I digress.
While I don't think this guy was wrong for thinking he was gonna get some, I WILL say that most men misread signals and get the wrong ideas more often than not. If I return a smile and say hello to a dude on the street, he thinks I want to sleep with him. If I bump his arm on a crowded E train, he thinks I want to smash. If I say, "Can you please pass the salt?" that's code for "take me now." Okay, so maybe it's not that bad, but y'all DO do that.
When it comes to reading women's non-verbal signals - a smile, a gaze, body language, tone of voice - some men can be complete illiterates. A lot of times, men perceive sexual intent in women's behavior where there was no intent to convey. While smiling, moving closer to him, touching his arm, or even kissing him may show romantic interest, sex isn't always the ultimate thing on her mind (even though she already knows if she's gonna do it or not).
Now, that chick getting naked and taking showers is some ole other ish. Teasing and sending signals like THAT can lead to an unwanted situation. Date rape is real, so she should be careful about the messages/signals she's sending. There are ways to be intimate without being overtly sexual, and I can't say that dude was wrong in assuming sex was on her mind and that she'd welcome it.
That being said, men should take care to pay better attention so that they don't find themselves in these situations. No need getting blue balls because you think all women wanna screw you.
Now if you're not sure, let me give you some clues as to whether or not a woman is open to having sex with you...even if it's not RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Again, these are clues according to BROOKE, not ALL women...and ladies, feel free to add your own.
1. She grabs you by your shirt, pulls you to within an inch of her lips and whispers, "Let's smush Big Daddy." The most obvious way to know that she wants to have sex with you is if she TELLS you she does. Since I know some women would rarely do that....let's go to #2.
2. Pillow Fighting. Yes...pillow fighting. If I up and whop you in the head with a pillow, I have some sexual aggression I want to unleash on you. It's up to you to pick up on this. Now there are some dudes who will knock your ass out back with a pillow - wrong move you moron. The "play war" I'm initiating with you is a dare for you to subdue me. Most women want a man to "take her" in the bedroom - so if I hit you with my pillow, I'm assuming you'd use our chemistry and your sexual, physical strength to pop me with a pillow, then pound me with something else soon after. If you don't know this is why women do this, now you do.
3. Play wrestling - same thing, only to a bigger degree. If I had a dollar for every time a guy asked me if I wanted to wrestle, I'd have....well....that's not important. But when women initiate "play wrestling" they want the same thing you do - to do the horizontal mambo. We're already on the ground, or the bed, or the couch, and play wrestling lets you know that we want to get physical with you. Just don't act like you're on WWE and body slam her. We trust you to not ACTUALLY physically harm us. Well....at least *I* don't want you to anyway.
4. Tickling. If I tickle you, I'm in a playful mood. Playfulness in women usually is synonymous with horniness. No? Just me? Well....whatever. It gives me an excuse to touch you. Now, don't just sit there and act all manly and macho like you're not ticklish to prove to us that nothing phases you. Use your brain and figure out that this is your cue to touch us back. First it might start under the arms, or the feet...then the stomach...and then you can accidentally tickle my neck...with your tongue, and then go from there. Men who don't take advantage of tickling to see if a woman will go there are idiots, or they're gay...cuz who can resist once we're all giggly and squealing and whatnot? Laughing is sexy.
5. If we touch you in your man space. If I touch you on a natural erogenous zone, then I can't get any clearer than that...especially if it's subtly in a public place. Your chest, your butt, your crotch...it means I can't keep my hands off of you and I'm giving you permission to touch me in those places back. Again, make sure it's clearly a personal space where she's touching you. If she accidentally bumps your shin under the table, that's not a sexual signal.
I would add that if I change or undress in front of you, but ole girl messed that up by taking showers with dude and whatnot. I guess I can add it as an honorable mention, along with if I ask you for a massage, but just to be clear - if I take a shower with you, we're gettin' busy. Case closed, period, end of story.
Are there any signals/signs I'm missing ladies? Let's go!
-b
70 comments:
First Bitches... I Missed you Brooke!
Hi Ant!!!!! Hi Brooke!
Brooke I'm with you on the getting undressed stuff. That would have made the list but dag on...ole girl truly messed that up.
One thing to add is that some guys might tell you their other trigger spots (special place that will just get it going). Yep if I touch that area you better know what the deal is.
Unless you're like ole girl who will probably touch a brothers special spot and not doing anything. Maybe she got scared or ummmm like you said Brooke...she saw the size and got turned off.
Either way I think that was a huge tease and I wouldn't do that to a brother. Just not right. Taking a shower with someone I care about is highly intimate (at least to me). I guess it's not to everyone.
1. I am going to tase Ant.
2. That chick needs to be tased Unless his size really did throw her off in which he may need to be tased.
3. Brooke your list is complete. No arguments there! :)
Welcome Back!!!!
If I was ol boy , I would of thought she wanted to get down too. I mean she was a straight up tease no doubt. And she really put herself in a compromising situation.. Something like that could make someone SNAP. There are so many cases of women being raped /sexually assault without coming no where close..Yes signals can be misread. But women misread signals from men too. If a man pays you a complimetn it doesn not mean he wants you.. lol.. The same as a woman compliments the smell of your cologne does not mean shes into you either... Its just a compliment. And I have seen stuff like this get taken waayyy out of context.. So it makes me wonder do people just think what they want sometimes OR do signals get read into too much... I think its both..
Good Topic Brooke!!! Glad your back babe!!! :)
@ Annamarie.. I saw you new blog.. Im liking it .. I think Im gonna join.. Can't wait to see who you taze in there.. LOL
BROOKE! YOU'RE BACK! I MISSED YOU!
AND the blog! I was going thru some serious withdrawal over here!
I hope your trip was great! You deserve it!
Your list is on point, cuz I do ALL those things when I want a guy to know I'd hit it. If I send you a sex pic, consider that another sign. I'm pretty open though, I'd just probably tell you if I feel like you haven't figured it out yet.
Welcome back B!
Oh, and that girl was trippin. Who takes a shower with someone and then says no? Big Tease! I'd tase her if I was him!
My baby is back!
Girl, I missed your fine ass! Don't ever go no where ever again! LOL!
If you ask me, maybe dude was too thirsty. Don't get naked with no chick unless you KNOW FOR SURE you gonna hit it. If a chick asks me if she can take a shower, especially with me, then I'd be like "we f*ckin?" cuz other wise, the answer is no. I'm not putting myself out there like that, I've been there and learned my damn lesson. However, she was a big tease too. She must've seen or heard something to change her mind, cuz I don't know any chicks willing to be butt ass naked with a guy in a shower and not do anything. Something turned her off.
@Sillouette,
You're right, just because we say hi to you doesn't mean we want you. It IS possible to compliment a woman without wanting to sex her down so women need to relax a bit on the mean mug when all we're doing is saying good morning.
Oh lawd.. Stef is on the Tazing band wagon too... LOL
Honestly, I cannot comment on this story because it has never happened to me. :)
Personally, I think there is something missing from the story. He prolly did something dumb and doesn't realize it. Guys are quick to say a woman fronts but fail to realize that they are one dumb move a way from getting no ass.
Thanks Cable Guy.. lol..
It just doesnt make any sense to me why she went othru all that then pumped the breaks. Is there a control issue, of she putting it all in his face then have the feeling power by saying "Nope you cant have it"... Or did something in the mist of things Turn Her Off. Or maybe she had a change of heart cuase she might of felt like she was doing it for all the worng reasons... Its so hard to tell with this senario.
@ Sillouette YEA glad you like it. Join & comment girl. All are welcomed. I've gone about a week without tasing someone BUT trust me it's coming!!! LMAO
@Ant.. didn't look at it like that.. hmmm there probably is somethign missing from this story!
Welcome back Brooke, I missed you!
And yes, something is missing from this story cuz women don't go THAT far just to say no. He turned her off some way and he doesn't realize it or he's not saying.
I've been in compromising situations where the guy read more into what was happening than I intended to convey, and it got ugly really quickly. Almost a date rape situation, and that's VERY real. Men really need to pay better attention to what's going on rather than leading with their libido and ego. We don't all have sex on the brain, even if we like you, kiss you, etc.
Welcome back Brooke! I really did miss you and your blog. I didn't realize how much I look forward to it until you were gone for so long - I hope you had a great time, you truly deserved it!
I agree with everyone else, dude is either not telling the whole story, or he's clueless as to what he did to turn her off. I'd hate to think she'd be THAT mean to get him all worked up just to say no. It's every woman's right, but that's evil...and dangerous.
Some women DO put out signals just to be a tease, which is not cool. Women shouldn't feel the need to do that, because not ALL of your power lies between your legs, it lies between your ears.
Men should take more time to get to know the woman and make sure she's really with it if they think they wanna get down. I've been in that situation before and there's no need doing that to yourself.
I totally agree with @Latinegro, man! That guy was in the shower soaping her up from behind and said "Wow, I didn't realize you had so much cellulite on your ass"
Booty cancelled! *stamp sound*
He HAD to have messed up that situation.
Don't get me wrong. Women are good for a mixed signal and there are some men who think that any woman that is kind to him wants to slap uglies, but damn this is a fail!
I like Brooke's list. I need the ladies to list more signals. I'm like @The Cable Guy I try to confirm early, but I NEVER assume.
You know how much sex I've had? I could've had twice as much if I picked up on signals.
I don't like to assume. I never want to be that guy that makes the dumb ass assumption and then has to pick his face up.
so...are we fuckin?
Fury is so bad :)
Brooke's list is pretty good but all women are different. I would think men can usually tell if it's gonna go down by how far I let you go. If we're on the couch kissing and making out, we know when to stop before it gets too far. If we let you put your hand down there, it's pretty much a wrap for me.
A good test is to take a woman's hand and place it on your crotch. If she pulls her hand away, she doesn't want to go there. If she feels it, she's trying to figure out what you're working with to see if she'd do it. If she unzips your pants to get a REAL good feel, or she pulls it out, she's down.
@Stef - bad meaning good! Very good!
Hold up...these are signals when you're alone and already rounding bases.
What about signals for when you're in public and you're thinking "fuck this movie, let's go somewhere and have sex for the first time!"
That's trickier, you might have to just give him a "f*ck me look" and hope he catches on :)
or allow us to invite you back to our place for coffe or something :)
and if I invite you back for coffee, you know it's going down....
....cuz I don't drink coffee ;)
@Stef - I'm requesting you post an animated .gif or web video of your "fuck me" look so we're positive. We may think it's just gas...
@Brooke - Allow you? Sheeeeeeet, just say the word. Anything else? Like Will you grab his crotch while waiting in line to see "Friends With Benefits"?
Damn! What ever happen to English? Why so many signs and signals and shit!? Why can't one of ya'll say "We fucking?" so that there are no mistakes?
This chick is wack as hell! She knew dude thought he was Cooter bound when she got buck nekkid and jumped in the shower with him and thats WACK!
That is the reason why people get Donkey Punched!
Welcome back CUUUUHHHHH!
DAMN!!!! Not Donkey Punched!!! LMAO... LOL... LOL...
"Cooter bound"? LMAO!!
"cuuuuh"?? what is that?? LOL!
Tony is back...with all new sayings! I didn't just miss Brooke, but everyone who comments, cuz we don't talk outside of the blog! LOL!
@Stef.....That's my impressions of how people in Florida say "Cuz" They don't pronounce the "Z."
What other sayings are there that are new? lol!
"cooter" LOL!
LOL! yeah....well I have a bunch of those....."Twinkle" "Coondinky" "Cooter" "Cooch" "Twanger" just to name a few!
It took me 2 seconds to realize he was saying "cuz" or "cousin" when he said that to me on FB :) some of us speak to each other there, aside from the blog.
Ant and Rameer have movie trailer battles on there :)
And football is back! So Rameer has started up his annual Fantasy Football league! Yeah!
see how @Tony - asked some valid questions and the women tried to hide behind "Cooter bound" and "cuuuuuuh"
yeah i agree Tony. More women need to know how to say "I really just wanna have sex right now" to help out the signals issue.
Ever see the baseball managers throwing signs to base runners...YEAH!
No one talks to me on Facebook so I rarely go on there. Onyl Brooke when she tells me I'm late with TMI Tuesday posts.
Seriously, Why do there have to be signals and signs given?
Fury, TMI Tuesday is this Tuesday coming up, so get ready!
And I've told men when I wanted it before...in very subtle ways :)
Flirting usually comes first, build up, anticipation...so when it finally becomes that time, no signals need to be sent :)
But there are men who don't look for signals at all...they just go for it. They need some lessons, or some mace.
Here's a signal Fury - HHB will be here end of next week!
@Brooke.....in the case you sited....all the signs were there and she still didn't give up the Coondinky......so who really needed to be maced?
OK, I'm about to go into a very dangerous place and I didn't want anyone to misconstrue what I'm saying...
Does anybody think maybe she wanted him to take it? Like she was trying his hand to see if he was man enough to just slide his tongue up her slit and convince her that Yes this is going down?
Not against her wishes, but some goading...
Brooke, did say women like to be "taken" (no date rape)
Dying @Donkey Punch... LMAO...
I need to do a blog on Donkey punching... Tony I'm gonna need u to write that one. LMAO
@ Fury.....Glad you took the step man. i was thinking the same thing.....
@ Annamaria.....you sure you want me to write that one?
Tony is NOT writing a blog for Anna before he writes one for me...that is all :)
I was kinda thinking the same thing Fury, which is why I put in examples of physical, sexual aggression...he probably punked out. I can't think of ANY situation where I'd get in a shower with someone just for shits and giggles.
I need more info...like did he try to go there and she say no and she got dressed? I would need to be a fly on the wall to be able to tell how he messed that up...cuz I just simply can't believe she did that to tease him. There are easier ways to tease a dude that don't involve taking my clothes off and getting a loofah'd up.
@Brooke - Did he punk out or was he beyond the game playing? At some point (barring role playing) a woman can't continue with the shenanigans. All that game playing takes away from precious sex time.
We're not going 19 innings just so some idiot can mess up a play and give away the win.
Yes he should've pressed, but if she was too stand offish a ninja can start feeling like Tupac/Tyson/etc.
Damn I want more info!
@Tony can you please write a blog for Brooke So you can write the donkey punch one for me! And YES I do want you to write that one... Brooke work on your CUH...LOL
Yeah, Brooke is back. Glad to hear you had a great trip. This girl is a super cock tease and needs to be slapped for real.
@ Tony girls don't come straight out and say "We fucking" because they don't want to look easy or whoreish. No matter how cool or modern a man claims to be 9 times out of 10 a girl will be judged or treated differently because she came straight out and said Let's fuck.A man has to be very secure in his skin to accept this type of behavior.@ Fury do you really think he said some stupid shit like "Wow, I didn't realize you had so much cellulite on your ass"?LMAO
@ Brooke.....Wow possessive?
@Fury....19 innings!? LMAO!
@Annamaria.....I'll hook you up AFTER I write Brooke's Blog.
I am going to have to get my wife to let me Donkey Punch her so that I can get the old memories to come back!
I don't think she was playing any games, I think dude did or said something to mess it up, or she saw a small penis in the shower.
I wonder if I can get him on the phone to give me more of the story. Let's try it....stand by.
Um..not possessive, but I asked you to write the donkey punch blog first...among others, so I'll be damned if you write one for Anna after I've begged you...and I'm your damned cousin! Not goin' down son. ;)
and good luck getting wifey to let you do THAT! :)
LMAO @Brooke.....That was some funny shit right there!
I can do....I did it before....I can do it again! LMAO
@Tony - I literally spit out my Snapple at the "old memories back" comment.
@Annamaria - I've read your blog and like the topics. I don't comment because some of it is geared toward relationships so I try to figure out a way to fit in without leaving it gaping. hehehe
@Stephanie - Yep! If she wasn't just being a teasy little scoundrel... think about it. what could a guy say to not get ya goods in that situation?
@Brooke - make a figure out the signal app!
@ Tony you can write based on the old experience for me & based on the new experience for Brooke. So she gets the fresh report..
Hmmm Thanks for the feedback Fury... Not intentionally geared for couples. I guess I'm just writing about where I am at.. Feel free to chime in anyways.. Or you singles can always suggest a topic OR guest write.(with Brooke's permission damnit..LMAO)
@ Fury, You have a point there. She was already naked so he had to fuck that up.LOL
If I try to Donkey Punch my wife my "New Experiences" might get my ass kicked
@Annamaria - yeah I'm gonna start chiming in and look crazy and say eff it because the topics are good.
Brooke's permission?? Brooke doesn't give me permission! I'm my own person!
Right Brooke? I have permission to be my own person today, right Brooke? You said I could have one day after you got back from your trip...or were those mixed signals?
@Tony,
Exactly - you'd be like Harpo on The Color Purple telling us you got kicked by a mule, when it's really his wife's fist! LOL!
Dude had to mess that up, but I had to leave a voicemail for my friend to get the real. There's no WAY she got naked and just changed her mind or said no to be a bitch. Dude must be working with 2 inches, or has warts somewhere, or a hairy back or SOMETHING!
You don't need my permission to guest blog for Annamaria...unless you're Tony. Anyone else, feel free :) LOL!
@Fury,
You think I could make an HHB app? :)
@Fury,
No, you don't need permission - until I give it to you :)
and you can have more than one day if you like :)
MAYBE dude's dick was draped over his shoulders like a cape of some shit! Maybe it was too big not too small!
@Brooke....Damn really?
Dead @ " Dude must be working with 2 inches, or has warts somewhere, or a hairy back or SOMETHING!"
You'd be surprised at the things that turn us off. She's not gonna go all the way home with him after a date, kiss, get naked and wet and then put her clothes on and go home. Dude fucked it up.
I'm dying to know what HHB stands for! Brooke and Fury have a secret language now??
@Tony,
really what??? what'd I say? :)
And there's not a d*ck I've seen where it would scare me away. Now, we might be a little shocked if it was over his shoulders, but I don't know one chick who wouldn't at least ATTEMPT to take one for the team and try to ride it :)
no? just me...?
whatever...
Brooke is back! Yay!
ole girl must've seen a lesion or warts or something and backed away, cuz there's no way I'm taking a shower with you and we not doing it. He messed it up and doesn't know it. Or ain't telling the whole truth, in which case I say why even tell the story? He's wack.
Brooke's list is so on point! I've done all those things before and men have usually caught on. It's the ones who "create" their own signals that you have to watch out for.
LMAO!!!!! Damn freak! "Take one for the team huh? LMAO
I'm trying to defend dude.....i don't want to believe that he could have a woman butt booty ass naked in the shower and not get no Punani! WTF?
Brooke....I was messing with you relax!
@Tony, I know...that's why I added the smiley face!
@Brooke,
NO, not just you :)
I agree Brooke, if I see a horse dick, best believe I'm climbing up on it! LOL!
I'm off to teach young and impressionable kids the art of playing football. Don't worry I will not mention Donkey Punching to them!
Their Mothers however, are in mortal danger!
all in the name of "research" huh Tony? :)
still dead @ "cooter" LOL!
Uh....yep! Research!
Smh at Stef...lol
Maybe he took a dump before the shower or he we just plain dirty that region.
Perhaps he was uncircumcised thus looking like a piggy in blanket situation she was not trying to deal with...
ewww! pigs in a blanket are NOT cool! men still walk around uncircumcized??!! Yuck!
@Fury stop being a lurker & comment... Brooke said it was ok..
DEAD @ Pig's in a blanket...
So @Brooke, @Courtney and @Stef are taking one for the team, huh...
duly noted.
OK I'll ride with @Tony and defend dude...
Maybe she had second thoughts because SHE had something and didn't want to pass it along. Or maybe she realized she had to take a dump and was afraid of an accident.
#shrug
I tried...
Let's get back to Stef, Courtney and Brooke not being afraid of a dick no matter the size...
Maybe it was that time of the month and that's why she said no? :)
Welcome back Brooke!
@Fury,
You read my mind...maybe she wasn't sure it was right down there and said no. But if that was the case, why get naked in the first place?
chick was burnin'!
yeah don't just go teasing the dick in the shower like that...that's foul
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