Friday, May 21, 2010


So a few folks have asked me to list the reasons why a man might unapproachable. I guess they felt I was being too hard on the ladies the other day, so to be is my list of reasons why a MAN might be considered unapproachable.

1. Most women find men unapproachable simply because they believe the man should do the approaching. Some women just naturally find men to be intimidating simply because they’re men. This isn’t the man’s fault, this is the woman’s narrow view…no way around it.

2. His wedding ring. Enough said. There are some women who couldn’t care less if a man is married, but for most, if he’s sporting a ring, an imprint of a ring or has a tan line on his ring finger, we can spot that a mile away and will turn the other way.

3. He has a child with him. I don’t know about you, but when I spot a man with a child, I automatically assume there’s a wife or baby’s mama lurking somewhere around the corner or at home. He might be a single dad, and some women find men who are out strolling with their kids to be an adorable sight...but most won’t approach out of respect...or FEAR...of the other woman.

4. We see him checking out every woman in sight. Sometimes I don’t even think men are aware of their wandering eyes. Some men simply can’t help but to size up a woman’s breasts or check out her booty. I think it’s involuntary :-) But we see YOU look at HER...and HER...and HER. If we think you’re a womanizer or perhaps a flirt, we might not want to step to you – or we might not think you’re checking for us...because you’d be checking us out too.

5. He’s loud/rowdy/cocky. We understand that you want to get attention, but there are ways to do it. Men (and women) who are loud and obnoxious and who are clear attention seekers are a turnoff. It’s also a sign of insecurity, which is never sexy. We want to approach the reserved, classy, humble man – not the one who’d make a scene if we said hello. for my Friday Sexy Survey!

1. It is rumored that Hank Baskett wants to divorce his wife Kendra because of the sex tape she made when she was 18. Who knows if this is true considering he married a Playboy Bunny who has posed nude (so why would he get mad at a sex tape?) – but my question to you all is this: Would you leave your partner if you found out he/she made a sex tape years before they met you? If not, what would be a deal breaker for you?

2. Have you ever been attracted to or had a crush on one of your friend’s parents? What would you do if one of your friends dated one of your parents? (LeBron) LOL!

3. Is good sex more about skill and technique, or does it have more to do with passion, chemistry or a “connection.”?

4. How would you rate yourself as a lover?

5. If you could re-sculpt any part of your body with free, safe, cosmetic surgery, would you? If so, which part(s)?




Anonymous said...

First B's


Anonymous said...

I know my sex tape is floating around Brooklyn somewhere! I am upset that I lost the tape because it has my high-school graduation on it as well! My evil ex took the damn tape and left it at a friends house only for me to never see it again! Oh well!


Anonymous said...

I wouldn't leave my partner if I found out about a sex tape...I mean, they had a life before me so if it happened...Oh Well!! I would continue to walk around with my head held high knowing what I have at home, those that are viewing it can only fantasize about...Lol!! I'm confident with mine and every woman should!!

As far as dating one of my parents...I know my mom is the BOMB and many a friend would have loved the opportunity but NO...NOT HAVING IT!!

To sum it all up...Good sex is about skill, technique, passion, chemisty and all of the above! I know I'm an above average lover because after 20+ years...they still want to come back! I'm that chick that loves to give and's all about give and take! As far as cosmetic surgery...I have curves for days that I don't want to give up but I am a mother of four and my last were a tummytuck is definitely in the works!!

phillygrl said...

Brooke, I agree with the item where you say a Man doesn't even know he's checking out EVERYONE...Literally, I will see a woman walk pass & the men in the area hed's immediately look at her as soon as she walks by..I mean in just about EVERY instance, unless the guy is looking & talking specifically to someone else....SHEESH!

phillygrl said...

head's (I mean)

Anonymous said...

IMO, women don't approach men for the same reason why they aren't as explicit with their sexuality because in a nutshell, it is not "socially" acceptable for women to approach men.

Rameer The Circumstance said...

I somewhat disagree with one of the criteria for an unapproachable man - the 5th one. While I agree that a loud, obnoxious guy is unapproachable to many women, there are many men who draw attraction to themselves and are the center of attraction that MANY women want. And cocky? Please - I know a GAZILLION dudes who are uber-cocky and have to beat back women with a bat! And the assertion that "We want to approach the reserved, classy, humble man" - um, really? I think that describes you moreso than many women - I know plenty of guys who fit that description who are decidedly less successful with the ladies than the cocky, non-reserved dudes.

If we're going to use examples of celebs, Kanye STAYS with a bad chick. Now obviously he's not indicative of the average guy by a long shot...but there a lot of young Kanyes runnin' around. I have to tell new girls that I mentor on the reg to go after the type of guys you described instead of the cocky, attention-whores...

As for your survey:

1. It depends on the sex tape. Honestly. Cuz while I could sit here and say "no" or "yes", truth is - if it were a private tape between her and an ex that was somehow found, probably not. But if she was on tape get a train run on her by my entire neighborhood, and engaging in some boundary-pushing activities...I might be disgusted at the thought of being with someone who engaged in such extreme activity, even if it WAS before me. And her not telling me would make it it really is dependent upon the actual tape and circumstances...

2. I'm pretty sure I've told the story about how I met one my peoples AFTER I had tried to kick it with his sister and mother - separately - on different occasions without knowing ANY of them were related! So yes, I tried to bag his sister (fine as all hell) AND his mother (STILL fine as all hell; over 50 and has the body and face of a woman in her mid-30's at OLDEST) - and he still doesn't know about it, and neither one of them has ever told him. Nor have we even brought it up privately - though his sister and I did eventually mess with each other after he and I were cool.

3. Good sex is a combination of all 5 elements listed, just in different percentages depending on the people.

4. How would I rate myself? CHAMPION LOVER...

5. As I am right now, I need no plastic surgery. Anything I would need improved, I can work on through working out and altering lifestyle/eating habits.

Jay said...

Brooke, your list of reasons why a man would be unapproachable is a great one. But I think the main reason a woman won't step to a man is your first point - simply cuz he's a man and she feels he should make the first move. I can't imagine how many women are missing out simply because they don't want to step out of their comfort zone. answers:

1. I heard this on the radio this morning, and I wouldn't leave my wife if she had a sex tape out there. I'd me curious as to why she never told me, but doubt it would be a dealbreaker (unless she made said tape while we were together). But if she was 18, I'd overlook that since we all do crazy stuff at 18. Dealbreaker would be if she slept with a family member or my best friend.

2. I've never had a crush or been attracted to any of my boy's mothers. None of them.

3. Good sex is about technique - GREAT SEX is about all of the above. If you can match the skill and technique with the passion and chemistry...FIYA!

4. I'd give myself an 8 - give myself room to..ahem..."grow" :) LOL!

5. I wouldn't resculpt any part of my body. I'd get my teeth whitened :)

Brooke said...


I usually find that the women who are attracted to loud, cocky men, are either after something or are bird chicks. But then again, maybe I just don't see what you see.

Example: the guys in our gym. They walk around throwing weights, growling and yelling, staring at themselves in the mirror and walking about beating their chests like King Hercules. TOTAL TURNOFF.

And what is an even BIGGER turnoff is a man who is uber cocky, and then pretends NOT to be. Wackness.

There's a such thing as getting the WRONG attention. And the classy, humble, reserved man can be just as attention getting, but does so in subtle ways. A glance, a certain positive look, a smile. The same goes for women. If you smile and look our way and appear to be inviting, that may be enough for us to say hello - and you don't have to be prancing around like a peacock to get our attention.

It's hard when you throw celebs like Kanye in the mix, cuz he has fame and money. Most women would approach him cuz they want to be on his "team." I've seen the young Kanye's out there, and they just come across as arrogant to me. I'm not a Kanye fan like that, so maybe I'm biased. Love his music, but his personality doesn't suit me. But you're right - some women love that.

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Well, to be more specific - I'm leaving the bird chicks out of it. I'm talking about OTHER women. I'm more attracted to and respect women with your attitude and mindset; but there are a GREAT many women who go after these types of dudes. I mean, let's be honest - we all can agree to seeing these herbs out regularly, right? Men are pretty simplistic creatures, especially when it comes to trying to attract ladies. IF this cornball act didn't work, does anyone think they would keep it up?!?

I've mentioned numerous times when the subject of Ray J comes up - I've hung with the dude. He REALLY IS who you see on TV - that's not an act. He's THAT CORNY. Not an idiot, but def a cornball. But he has no reason to change, cuz that ish WORKS. He's loud, attention-whoring, arrogant (there's a big dif between cocky and arrogant, I don't think being cocky in all instances is a bad thing) and someone you would NEVER be attracted to based on personality.

He has to BEAT WOMEN BACK off of him. I saw women who didn't even know who he was trying to see what's up with him. True story.

I came to the conclusion long ago - many of the men and women on this blog are pretty good people with their heads on straight. But we are not the rule, we are *exceptions*. I also understand that you guys' experiences in NYC are different at times than other cities. But trust - the guy you described is that way cuz he hasn't had to deal with his cornball arse being unsuccessful - and I'm not talking about just cluckheads, either.

Hell, I saw it at S.U.! I won't name ANY names, but suffice to say I'm sure we could compare names on some loud, arrogant cornballs getting A LOT of chicks. Hell, f that - I'll name one - were you there when Gary with the Landcruiser used to cruise around, sniffing up the butt of all the Sigmas?? CORNIEST. DUDE. EVER!!!

Constantly trying to draw attention, with his car, money, doing ish to make women look at him, making Kanye look like Bishop TuTu, etc. He was UNIVERSALLY known as a cornball; many men and women didn't even want to deal with him even from 20 feet away.

Guess what? That fool got CHICKS. And not birds, either. I would always shake my head at who he would wind up with. It'd be easy to understand if they WERE birds. But they weren't.

I'm just sayin'. These cornballs in the club, social events, wherever - don't keep it up just to do it. There are people responding favorably to this corniness, which encourages them to keep it up and ramp it up. Even those jabronis in your gym probably have some well-to-do chicks who seemingly would never give them the time of day in their phones. Trust.

Anonymous said...

1. No I would stay and watch it with him. Every new relationship deserves a clean slate.Hank basket needs to get over his Madonna complex, he married a Playboy bunny.

2. No never. Both my parents have passed. My mom was the MILF of the block so every father and son in our complex wanted to do her lololol.I would kick a bitches ass. date my daddy, shit

3. All of the above

4. I would say a 7 because I'm not a huge blow job fan. I do it cause my man loves it and returns the favor, I just have to really be in the mood to do it.

5. I would get some lipo on my thighs and lazer some unwanted hair. I'm half PR and Italian so I am a hairy chunky cheetah.

Brooke said...

LMAO@ at "jabronis" and "hairy, chunky cheetah" - Both those sayings had me DYING! LOL!

And Stephanie, I know what you look like - you're not a hairy, chunky cheetah! LOL!

Anonymous said...

@ Brooke, my tweezers would beg to differ.lolol thanks though

Brooke said...

you are beautiful!

But I hear you on the tweezers tho! LOL!

Anonymous said...

thanks Brookey baby, so are you.

Yolanda said...

DEAD @ Gary in the Landcruiser.
Suddenly, it's 1996 all over again.

Wow that took me back.

G. White said...

There's a such thing as getting the WRONG attention. And the classy, humble, reserved man can be just as attention getting, but does so in subtle ways. A glance, a certain positive look, a smile. The same goes for women. If you smile and look our way and appear to be inviting, that may be enough for us to say hello - and you don't have to be prancing around like a peacock to get our attention.

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