Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Hump Day!

I have a bottle of hot sauce on my book shelf at work. No, I don’t keep it there just in case I need to make my food taste extra spicy. Although it’s real hot sauce, it’s promotional - a bottle used to promote The Alamo on The History Channel. It’s there for show…not for food.

If you like hot sauce on your food, then I love it. Good for you. But I rarely use it. Like…almost never. Why am I telling you this?

Because, apparently I’m not “really black” if I don’t put hot sauce on fried chicken, fish and popcorn. Yes, I said popcorn. Weird right? Or is that just me? I guess it’s just me.

Now I’m not saying those who put hot sauce on everything are “more black” than I am. As much as I find that to be strange, I don’t consider it hood, ghetto, ridiculous or anything like that. That would be silly. It just is what it is…and a person’s preferences are simply that. But some Black folks who have been to my house and asked for hot sauce to go with their meal were FLOORED that I, a Black woman, didn’t have a bottle of hot sauce in my apartment.

So this post is about things that NOT ALL Black people like. Need more examples? Wanna hear it? Here it go…

1. Fake nails. Especially with the color only on the tips. Not my favorite thing to see, but if it floats your boat – rock with it. But just know that not all of us rock 6 inch fingernails with glitter on them.

2. Sports. Not all black people are athletically gifted. I love sports personally, but that doesn’t mean every little black boy has a shot at the NBA simply because he’s Black. Or tall.

3. Tyler Perry. Or Spike Lee. You’re not obligated to love…or even like their movies. It’s okay, no one will take your black card away.

4. Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson. Choose your own Black leaders and role models. You can make fun of Al’s perm all day long if you want – I won’t hate on you for that. It’s not blasphemy.

5. Barack Obama. I personally love this man, but just because you’re Black, it doesn’t mean you can’t disagree with how he’s running the country, or question some of his decisions. I’ve seen some people ready to take another Black person’s head off simply for speaking against his ideals and policies. We can hold him accountable too.

6. Tupac. Just because the man is dead doesn’t make it a sin to actually admit that you don’t love his music that much. I’d add Biggie and Jigga to this list, but they’re in the no slander zone :-)

7. Oprah. I. Love. Her. Period. I respect her hustle. But if another Black person doesn’t share my same love for her, it’s perfectly okay. I drink the Kool-Aid willingly :-)

8. Speaking of….(red) Kool-Aid, pork and mayonnaise. We don’t have to like ANY of that stuff. I actually know some Black folks who like Miracle Whip. Gross….but hey, they can like it if they want to.

9. Thug dudes. While I know most of our sistas like the “bad boys” and Allen Iverson wannabees…I can’t say that I’ve ever been attracted to hood dudes. So if you have saggy pants, corn rows and only own construction boots…you might as well keep it moving. I tend to like the “Barack’s” with the “daddy jeans” myself. :-)

10. Speaking of corn rows. Not all black people like “afro-centric” hairstyles. Locs, an afro, natural hair, braids – I don’t have to wear them to be “black.” I’m just as black with relaxed or straightened hair, so stop turning your perfectly coiffed coiled nose up at me.

11. Black Planet and Twitter. Black people love to tweet for some reason. I don’t. I can’t get with it….and Black Planet was never on my radar. Don’t get it.

12. Tattoos. A million of them.

13. OJ. Some of us think he actually did it.

14. Hennessey or any other alcoholic beverage. Popping bottles in the club doesn’t do it for me. I’m not that big of a drinker, which always lands me the side eye. Why is getting drunk cool? I never understood that one.

15. Weed. I’ve never inhaled anything into my lungs ever. And I never plan to. Not all Black people get high. Some of us are just high on life :-)

Give your list of things that NOT ALL Black (or Latino) people like.

Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday!

So on my train ride to work this morning, I overheard two women talking about love, sex and all that other sh*t. The one woman seemed to be feeling herself because she landed a boo that told her she was “wifey material.” The other woman sat listening to her friend give her list of credentials. She can cook. She can clean. She keeps her hair did. Has her own place and a job.

As I sat listening, all I could think was….”what a load of bullsh*t.”

Personally, I’m getting tired of the whole “he told me I was wifey material” conversations.

Why?

Because 1) Why do we rely on men (or other women) to tell us what “wifey material” actually is? And 2) It’s all relative.

ANYONE can be wifey material by simply becoming a wife. If Evelyn Lozada of Basketball Wives (who isn’t actually a wife…yet) can be proposed to, and a buster like Ochocinco is willing to wife her – then ANYone can be wifey material.

Women like to wear that title like a crown. And there’s nothing wrong with viewing yourself as the type of woman a man would be proud to marry. But all the woman on the train kept saying was, “He said this…and he said that…so it must be true.”

Huh?

She can cook.

Last I checked, there weren’t any starving men out here looking for a woman who can cook so he can marry her. Most people find a way to eat, so being able to cook nowadays doesn’t really mean that much. And two women I know personally NEVER cook for their men, their men cook for THEM…and they’re happily married. So that ain’t it.

She can clean.

Hiring a maid does the trick too. But unless you’re Oscar the Grouch, most people aren’t living in trashcans either. You should want to clean for yourself, and to keep the roaches away, not to get a husband.

She keeps her hair did.

Um…okay?

She has her own place and a job.

You’re supposed to you airhead! I know we're in tough economic times, but shouldn't having a job be something most of us aspire to so we can...you know....LIVE? If she didn’t have a job, she wouldn’t be able to buy that food she can cook, or get her hair done…so that should be for her own benefit...not to land a husband.

In my opinion, being "wifey material" is more about being yourself, and then finding someone who appreciates who you are. It’s not about trying to conform to some “formula” you think all men use to figure out if you’d make a good wife or not.

You can’t predict who a man will or will not marry. Just ask Khloe and Lamar. Therefore, you can’t always position yourself to meet some mystery criteria. What you CAN do is be the best self for YOURSELF. If you don’t want to cook, or learn how to, then there is a man out there who will be just fine with that - and who will gladly cook for you. If you like wearing baseball hats instead of going to the salon every week, there is a man out there who will appreciate your personality and not your new bob. If you don’t like to clean, you’re just nasty :-)

All joking aside, I hear way too many women asking a man if they consider them wifey material…and it irks my nerves. There is no right or wrong answer to that. The answer lies within yourself – your own value system and your own idea of what makes a person a good mate, period. Knowing how to cook means nothing if you don’t know how to compromise. Keeping a clean house doesn’t go far if you argue all the time. Your hair may be done, but your personality may need some work. Having your own place means squat if your man never wants to come home to you.

If a man shares your same beliefs and values, he will find you. You will be specially made for him, so what the majority of men out there want in a wife won’t really matter. It’ll only matter to that one who will take you exactly as you are. A king finds his queen…whether she can cook or not.

-b

Happy Monday!

So take a look at this clip before we get to the question of the day:



No, the question of the day isn't "why do men cheat?". Men AND women cheat...and for myriad reasons. We'd be here all day...and we've been there and done that.

What I want to know from men is: Do you think you are you expected to cheat? Do men expect this of each other? Are you taught that cheating is manly? Is monogamy a respected trait - or were you taught that being monogamous means you're p*ssy whipped or a chump?

I understand that men may have been taught that sleeping with a million women makes them THE MAN. Alpha male, virile, a stud...whatever. And there's nothing wrong with that. Knock off as many chicks as you like. Women, you can do your thang too...even though the double standard makes us hoes if we do the same thing. But that's a blog that I've probably already done for another day.

But being monogamous is quite something else, and I'm curious to know if men assume other men cheat as well - and if cheating is frowned upon by men in general.

So let's hear it guys...is cheating something that is celebrated, or considered a non-factor among men - or is there something to be said for being a man with self control and can be a one woman man?

Go!

-b

TGIF!!!

So, I’m sure most of you have heard by now that popular NYC deejay Mister Cee was arrested last week for public lewdness and indecent exposure. He allegedly was receiving oral sex from another man while in a car. It’s also been mentioned that he was arrested twice in the past on charges of solicitation.

As I listened to the details on Power 105. 1 last week, I knew this should be a blog topic. Not because he’s a married man soliciting sex on the street, but because homosexuality and hip hop seem to be two words that are rarely found in the same sentence.

Now, I’m not saying Mister Cee is gay. But what if he is? Does that downplay or negate his skills as a talented deejay? Would Jay-Z be less dope if he came out tomorrow? I know he’s in the “no slander zone,” but that’s a real question.

Should we care? Or is it just shocking to us that the musical art form most of us love - that has always represented empowerment and defiance in the black community - is now entering a new arena?

After all, we claim hip hop as our own. And it’s no secret that homophobia in our community is rampant. So when we see the two collide, we’re taken back. It’s believed you can’t be “hard” or “thuggish” in hip hop – and be gay too. But does hip hop have to be hard – or straight - to be “real?” We claim to listen to hip for its realness, the beats…and the message. So if our favorite artist or deejay is gay, do we not like the beats anymore? Is the message tainted? Or do we have a problem with it because we can no longer relate to the artist we bob our heads to?

One 105.1 listener said he has no problem with anyone being gay, but mentioned that “Lollipop” would have a very different meaning for him if he found out tomorrow that Weezy is gay – therefore he wouldn’t feel comfortable singing along because he can't relate.

And I get that. I try to be conscious of who I listen to with my music. Most of us make our music about us, our experiences, our struggles. Hip-hop has always been conveyed as an expression of personal pride spewing from the mouths of street story tellers. Because of this, most people try to listen to artists that they feel personally connected with.

Now, all of that is now possibly redefined in the atmosphere of a homosexual hip-hop artist. And the question I ask you is why? Why would a person’s sexual orientation have anything to do with their beats, their message, or their character? Our favorite rapper can’t be gay, but he can all women bitches and hoes? He can’t be gay, but he can spew the “N” word 15 times in a verse? We seem to care less about misogynistic rap, or the overuse of the “N” word…but if you’re gay, that’s cause for outrage.

When it comes to things we take personally, like our love for music, and hip hop in particular, there exists a very strong stereotype about gay men: homosexual men are weak.

It’s not true, but that’s the belief.

Power 105’s Charlamagne said in reference to the Mister Cee incident (when he wasn’t cracking jokes) that “the hip hop community, and black culture in general, is homophobic for no good reason; and this wouldn’t even be an issue if he could be who he was, comfortably, without people judging him.” Being a lesbian in hip hop may not be a big deal, but what about being a gay man? There may be gay men in hip hop hiding in plain sight, wanting to come out, but who never will – for fear that they’ll be clowned, not taken seriously, shunned or judged.

So what say you? Is there room for homosexuality in hip hop? Do you think you could appreciate a gay rapper - even if you consider yourself heterosexual? – or so long as he doesn’t bring his sexuality into his rhymes?

We all use music in some way – whether to enlighten us, inspire us, help us escape, or get us hype for the club. So does it matter what an emcee’s sexual orientation is if he can you help you achieve all those things in hip hop? For some, it doesn’t matter…but for others, being 100% comfortable with homosexuality does not blend together with their love of hip hop. Keep it real…where do you stand?

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Apparently I have to clarify that I did NOT write Tuesday's TMI blog. Domina*Tricks wrote that blog as my guest and I have NOT had 75 sex partners. I got a few emails from people who thought I was a strumpet :-)

- Every day, I see this one guy on the train, and each time he gets off the same stop I do...and then falls UP the steps. EVERY DAY.

- I want pizza for lunch instead of these boring chicken breasts that I brought.

- It's freezing in my building today.

- I miss Cole so much. I still can't believe he's gone :(

- It feels good to be appreciated at work sometimes. Not a bad week!

- Back in the gym going full force now...and I can feel it. I'm sore in all the right places again.

- Tickets are booked for Morocco! Woo-hoo!

- Looking forward to a nice weekend :)

- Ms. Lylah had an awesome bridal shower last weekend! Congrats again!

- I need to go find some hot chocolate or something - I'm freezing!

- My cough has finally subsided. But now I think I'm developing allergies :(

- It's supposed to be 75 degrees on Monday, but with thunder storms. Who cares, as long as it's warm.

- Brian's throwbacks this week!





Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

Speaking of humping, ladies - would you hump a dude who is shorter than you are?

A friend of mine asked me if she was being petty by wondering if she should give her number to a guy who is shorter than she is. We're talking short...as in 5'4. She's about 5'6 I'm guessing. While I thought his height was the last thing she should be worrying about (he lives clear across the country, so it would be a long distance thing), I did give it some thought.

I mentioned to her that I might not be the best person to ask about this. After all, women who refuse to date men their height or shorter, or who have a height requirement, are a pet peeve of mine. I understand preferences - and as a 5'10 Amazon of a woman myself - I get it.

But I've dated men as short as 5'6. Great guys! I was attracted to them and didn't let their height get in the way of me getting to know them. Besides, a man who is considered short who has the nerve to approach a woman my height is a turn on to me. It signifies confidence to me...and I like that.

But I seem to be in the minority. It seems most women I know do not particularly care for dating a man who is shorter than they are. The taller the woman is, the more strongly they seem to feel about this. However, most men I ask do not seem to have this same aversion to dating a taller woman.

So what are your thoughts on this? I know that the politically correct answer is that people should look at a person for who they are on the inside and not on the outside. I think we mostly agree on that. But I'm talking about preferences, and why.

I think for some women, it's genetically ingrained in us to want a bigger/taller man, because that once meant he'd be a better protector and provider whilst we were being stalked by saber-toothed tigers and whatnot. It's a possible theory. :)

But I've met some tall-ass chumps in my day - and also some very scrappy, manly shorter men. So the "he can protect me" theory goes out the window for me. I know women wanna be "tossed around" and feel "safe," but I've been tossed a time or two by a man shorter than me, while some men I've dated who were my height or taller can barely do a chin-up.

So ladies, do you have a height requirement? I know some women who are 5'3 and refuse to date a man who is less than 6' tall - which is absurd...with their short asses :-) Does a man have to be "at least" your height to date you? Or at least 3 inches taller should you decide to wear heels? Or does his height not matter to you as long as he's a good guy....or can stand on his wallet? LOL!

I joke :-)

Men, do you have a problem dating a woman who is taller than you? Or do you like climbing trees?

Let's hear it!

Go!

-b

What's Your Number...by Domina*Tricks

I’ve had sex with close to 75 people. I’m not into the triple digits yet, but hell, I may get there…who knows. I figured I’d share since it IS TMI Tuesday….not that anyone cares. :-)

My friends, males and female, think my number is very high – even though almost all of the men I know have numbers in that range. I didn’t think the number was high given my age, but then again, I’ve slept with both sexes pretty equally…so maybe that’s why my number is higher. One of my male friends said the women I’ve slept with don’t count, but I figure if a person gives me an orgasm, then I’m counting her dammit!

If I were, say, 21 years old, then yes – that number might be high. But who’s to say what someone’s “number” should be? As I got older, I realized that sex doesn’t have to be had simply because I’m in a relationship, or to symbolize love…or even “extreme like.” Now, I have sex because I want to…with whomever I want to. I’m chasing an orgasm, and the person who gets me there the fastest wins!

I’ve also had threesomes multiple times, so that upped my number as well. I seek exciting sexual experiences, so I figured having sex with a variety of people helps me experience different things. It doesn’t mean that I’m not safe, or that I lay down with just ANYONE. It means I’m single, not in a committed relationship, and open to sex in a way that I wasn’t when I was my younger, more inexperienced self.

Now, in my late thirties, I don’t care what my body looks like, or what he or she will think of me in the morning. There’s a freedom that comes with that. It doesn’t mean that I’m not open to love or a relationship one day. It means that for now, my number is my business, and if it keeps climbing until I meet “The One” (if such a person even exists for me), then so be it. I’ll continue to have fun with great people chasing amazing orgasms.

And if “The One” asks me my number, then I’ll be honest. If he or she has a lower number than me, I may wince at his or her inexperience – but I’ll deal  I don’t care about anyone’s number. I care whether they were safe and felt good about themselves. You can sleep with one person and not protect yourself and catch something, or you can sleep with 100 people and make sure you’re protected at all times and feel good about yourself. It depends on the person and the circumstances. And I, for one, am having a great time. Just make sure you know what you’re doing if you want to be a notch on my belt – cuz at close to 75 people, I don’t have time to give lessons ;-)

-Domina*Tricks.