Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Monday!

So, listening to the radio this morning, Big Boy in the morning said that allegedly there are nude pics of Rihanna circulating around. I can see why Cassie would leak her photos, but Ri-Ri? Interesting. I guess it's the thing to do if you're dropping a cd, even though naked pics don't necessarily translate into units sold...but hey, worth a try right?

It seems that when celebrities' careers are a bit stagnant, or when they have a project coming out, or they simply want to be seen, they leak a sex tape or some nude photos. I think they keep a few on hand just in case of emergency. I'm not saying ALL celebrities, because for some, it could actually HURT their career. But I'm sure their agents have encouraged them to at least think about it.

Now, if I'm a celebrity and I don't want any sex tapes or nude pics to get out, guess what?....I simply don't make any. Simple as that.

But what about us normal, regular, everyday folk? No one is gonna care about our naked pics right? Just me and my boo are going to watch the sex tape, right?

In the day of Facebook, Myspace, and especially YouTube, I'd be a little leery about producing ANY of those things. That's some SERIOUS trust we're talking here. But for some folks, sites like those are EXACTLY why they take nude photos of themselves or make sex tapes. The exhibitionist LIVES for this type of thing.

Some people thrive on it. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about:

Woman: "So, what are you doing?"

Man: "Thinking about you."

Woman: "Oh yeah, what're you thinking?"

Man: "I can show you better than I can tell you."

Woman: "....okay....???"

(incoming media message on cell - woman is now staring at a pic of a fully erect penis, along with hairy legs, feet and funny looking tile - taken from the point of view of a man looking down with his camera phone standing in the shower)

Woman: "...uh...wow...nice (or, in some cases, "is it erect?")"

Man: "...see what you do to me girl"

LOL!!

Don't act like that's only happened to me! I know some of you ladies have full dick galleries in your phone...stop frontin!

Ahem....Anyway...

Some of us love taking sexy pics. You can be as free as you want to expose as much of yourself as you want - making your webcam, internet or cell phone an ideal fantasy playground where anybody can launch naked signal flares into the digital sky to announce: “look at me baby, I'm smokin' hot!” There are dozens of ways to use digital media to expose yourself, ranging from the mild to the X-rated. Sex blogs are populated with folks posing naked, spread eagle, pants down, nipples perky and asses out. Our very own personal porn.

and for the last time...NO Rameer...I did NOT webcam the homies. Ever!

And it's not just the creepy guys you see on Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" or some oversexed teenagers who are internet or digital exhibitionists. Oh no! It's the housewife and mother next door, the medical professional, the church-goer, the MBA student, the community activist. It could be anybody. And they don't look like body builders or centerfold models. They're your average, everyday people who simply want to feel sexy.

For some, taking nude photos or making sex tapes is about sexual freedom. It's a way to express yourself. If you choose to share them, it could simply be that you want to trade flicks with someone you love or someone who you think may appreciate them. It could be a self esteem booster, or it could be your way of letting the other person know what you're working with or the response they illicit in you. If you're shy, then taking nude pics is a way of enacting a fantasy that you may not be able to do face-to-face. Some people just like to be freaky...no right or wrong reason for doing it.

As long as the grown folks who are trading pics aren't sending them to minors, or involving animals, or don't involve some crime being committed... then hey, more power to you. But be careful. If you care if your boss, or your mother or your children will see these photos somewhere someday, then don't take them. Just because you're all in love now doesn't mean that taking nude photos or making sex tapes is a great idea if you don't completely trust the person who may take hold and keep that media. All it takes is for one "f*ck you too!" for someone to get mad and put your ass on blast...literally! If you DO take pics, make sure your face, tattoos or any other discernible feature isn't in the shot to identify you. That way you can DENY, DENY, DENY! LOL!

If you'd be embarrassed if the shots or tape got out, don't do it. If you plan on being the next Oprah, don't do it. If you don't feel comfortable doing it and someone is pressuring you to send a naked shot or make a tape, don't do it.

But if you're trying to go platinum the first week your cd drops and your body is tight...then hey, see what happens!

But if you can't sing...it probably won't work...jus sayin ;-)

What celebrity (or non-celebrity) would you want to see naked?

-b

TGIF!!!

Since I don't blog on weekends, and Sunday is Mother's Day, I thought I'd dedicate my blog today to my favorite mothers! I'm not talking about Claire Huxtable or Michelle Obama (even though she's awesome), but my dear friends who amaze me with their love, strength, patience and devotion everyday. Mothers mark some of the most precious moments of our childhood. They take care of us when we're sick, wipe our noses, kiss our boo-boos and hold our hands when we make mistakes or take wrong turns. They keep us safe, yet know when to let us go. She knows everything about us - our joys, sorrows, failures and triumphs. A mother's love is unconditional, undying, and unwavering. A mother's love is Divine.

I pay tribute to all mothers around the world - and through my favorite pics, I'll begin with...

Annamaria




Now I know what some of you may be saying, "She's not a mother...yet." But as step-mom to two beautiful children, she couldn't love them more than if she had birthed them herself. It takes a special woman to love someone else's children, and her love comes easily. And although her biological child hasn't been born yet, Annamaria is definitely a mother. She feels her daughter's heartbeat. Her blood runs through her veins. She is in rhythm with her movements, breathes as she breathes. They are one. She is already a mother, and I'm sure Annamaria will continue to guide her daughter through every movement in life, step by step. Happy First Mother's Day Annamaria!

Dana



Dana is my dear friend and my Godson Lee's mother. She is one of the most devoted mothers I know who extends herself naturally to give Lee the best of her very being. She brings peace and balance to his life, and I can see her influence in everything he does.



He's an amazing child - the perfect gift any mother could ask for. Her strong mind, and even stronger heart, is nurturing and guiding a special child who is going to be a force to be reckoned with in this world. She is amazing! Happy Mother's Day Dana!

Valerie

I've known Val since 1991, day one of our freshman year of college. She quickly became my best friend, my roommate and my sister. At 18 years old, you couldn't have told me that Val would be a stay-at-home mother. After all, she's driven, ambitious and is a successful lawyer who walks to the beat of her own drum. But 4 years ago, Val became mommy to Michael - born on her birthday.



Two years later - again...on her birthday - she gave birth to Luca..her second son.



Now, expecting her third son (this one gets his own birthday), Val is one of the most tireless, giving, loving mothers I know.



Although she stays busy with play-dates, soccer practice and trips to the library, Val stays fabulous! I've always thought Val was stunning, inside and out, and she continues to radiate as a mother. She knows how to take care of herself so that she has the very best of herself to give to her family. Striking that balance isn't easy, but she manages to do it all in great fashion...literally :) She is a positive force in her children's lives, and her sons are nothing short of geniuses. She's awesome! Happy Mother's Day Val!!

Denise



If you want to see God's presence in a person, you need not look any further than Denise. As my other best friend, I stand in awe of her. She found out she was expecting her third child the day after she buried her husband - her soul mate.



Challenges, pain, adversity, life's seasons - they all reveal us to our deeper self, the self we know in God. Rather than view her loss as an unjust universe or an uncaring God, she garnered strength from her family, friends and FAITH to become an even more amazing mother.



Even though her life has been transformed, she remains a compassionate survivor and a spiritual resource for her children...and for me. Her children thrive through her love, faith and guidance as well as Kevin's angelic spirit. She has Divine Power, and she honors it everyday as a mother, a friend and as a child of God. Having her in my life is a privilege because I feel that by embracing her as my friend, I am closer to God. Happy Mother's Day Denise!

Nicole

My sister. I remember when she was pregnant with Kyce.



She was in love with him from the moment of conception...and that love has only grown.



Ibrahim came 2 and a half years later. He was a surprise - not planned. She found out she was pregnant with him on Valentine's Day...a precious gift.



She's my younger sister, and for so long that's all I could see her as. But now, she's a mother first...a role she was meant to play. As my younger sister, she is someone I look up to. Not just as a mother, but as a person who gives of herself effortlessly.



Her soul runs as deep as the deepest oceans, her spirit expands without limit, her heart bursts with love. She is the master love giver, hand holder and truth teller. She can hand down discipline and give the best hugs all in one motion. She runs her house with her heart, and her love knows no bounds. I admire the mother she is and the woman she's become. If I ever become HALF the mother that she is, my child will be blessed for it. Kyce and Ibrahim are blessed to have come through her. She is so special, and I love you Nicole - Happy Mother's Day!

MY MOTHER!



Lastly, but most certainly not least, I have to give honor to the woman who gave me life. The ultimate reality is if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here. She carried me, breathed for me, birthed me, raised me and most importantly - loved me....unconditionally, my entire life. She encouraged me. She told me I could do anything. She gave me wings. She allowed me to fly. She caught me when I fell. She told me to get back up. She listens to me. She worries about me. She cheers me on. She prays for me. She is my other self. She has made me into the woman I am today.



Now, as a grandmother, she receives the highest reward of looking at the fruit of her labor. They love "Nana" simply because she exists. They run and jump into her arms...and it just doesn't get any better than that. They find shelter in the same love that sheltered us growing up, and to see the love she gives to them in all it's glory magnifies my love and respect for her. She is my mother, and I feel so loved, blessed and highly favored that God created her just for us. I love you mommy! Happy Mother's Day!

If you are a mother reading this, have a wonderful, blessed Mother's Day. Tell your mother(s) you love them on Sunday and let them know how appreciated they are every day!

Have a great weekend!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

Let's get right to it shall we?

- I'm feeling Maxwell's new song...HOT! Glad he's back!



- I've been wanting Doritos for the past couple weeks, but I've resisted.

- I really need to get my knees operated on. It's affecting my workouts.

- I'm going to braid my hair for DR, which is just as well considering I can't get it to do a damn thing lately. It definitely hasn't been bouncin' and behavin'!

- My free premium channels are going to expire soon :(

- All this rain is really getting on my damn nerves.

- I'm still in need of a really good kiss...I think that'll make me feel good :)

- I read a Yahoo article that said men consider kissing more intimate than sex - very interesting! Is that why no one offered to give me a good kiss? :)

- I need to drink more water.

- ...and eat more fruit.

- Still haven't seen The Soloist or Wolverine...but I have screening passes for Tom Hanks' new movie. Need to handle that.

- Someone please remind me to pay my student loan :-)

Go!

Happy Hump Day!



Unicorns, Mermaids, Platonic Friends - do they really exist?

Sure they do...in our own little make-believe world they do :)

Okay, okay...let me tone down my sarcasm, but I know most of us have asked whether or not a man and woman (both heterosexual-reasonably attractive-around the same age- living within 50 miles of each other) can just be friends. Some say no, so let's break down the reasons why...

We've see it happen - boy approaches girl, and girl is charmed by his subtly (effeminate masculinity) non-threateningly, secure heterosexuality. He speaks proper English, notices when you have on new earrings, and watches all your favorite shows (Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy and any other show a man with machismo would never admit to watching). Boy and girl exchange numbers, and after about a month of meeting at Barnes & Noble and shopping at the mall, they become...friends. Not lovers. Not even the awkward “friends with benefits” - simply friends. Boy and girl are each other's permanent back-up weekend companions - and you never, eva, EVA cross that line. EVER!

So yeah, like mermaids and unicorns, we're aware that the likelihood that two (available, like-aged, opposite sexed, (hetero)sexual) people who are strictly platonic friends ACTUALLY EXISTS is...well...ridiculous. Right? Let's explore the reasons:

1. Unless you meet online (or maybe in college), men and women don’t usually actively seek friends of the opposite sex. I've always had male friends - I even prefer them. But I've never become just friends with an available, heterosexual male that I find attractive just because. The majority of my male friends are married or unavailable or gay, or are co-workers who I don't find attractive. Simple as that.

2. If given the opportunity, most men (not all, but a good number) who aren’t in a committed and monogamous romantic relationship will sleep with pretty much any reasonably attractive woman. Yes. ANY. And if you're already friends, even better! They may not actively want to, but, in the right situation, they happily would. The fact they they “would” kinda contradicts the whole "platonic" thing. :-) Maybe not completely contradicts it, but you get the idea.

Ladies, I know what you're thinking - because I thought the same thing:

“Well, what if the guy harbors absolutely no physical attraction at all towards the woman?? They can be platonic friends, right?“

Wrong! why? because...

3. No unattached man is going to willingly spend a good amount of his free time with a woman he is completely unattracted to, Never. Especially when you consider that...

4. (Most) women aren’t equipped to handle regular contact with a guy who finds her completely unattractive and she's aware of it. Now, this isn't coming from me - a man I know told me not to argue this. He said it’s science :-) Debatable, but something to think about...besides....

5. ...even if you claim to be in the 0.1 percent of people where there’s absolutely no romantic or sexual feelings harbored by either side in your platonic relationship, you have to figure in the law of averages and percentages. Basically, if you spend more than 20% of your free time with someone of the opposite sex willingly, there’s at least a 50% chance that at least one of you will develop sexual feelings...or already has developed them but fears that they would be unrequited. The higher the percentage of free time, the higher the chance. If you spend anywhere over 40 percent of your free time with a platonic friend, then there’s anywhere from a 100 to 250 percent chance that someone wants to bed somebody. Again, don't argue. Its science.

Since I’ve already established that we don’t actively seek opposite sex friends while we’re single, the only way two people can become truly platonic friends would be if they happened to first meet each other while already in a relationship, which is kinda hard to do considering...

6. No man or woman is going to be okay with their significant other making new, close friends of the opposite sex. You know this. Bring up your new, opposite sex friend's name more than once and your partner will be looking at you sideways like "who the hell is this chick/dude you're always talking about/talking to?" Sure, you can talk about your new, gay BFF all day long, cuz they're not a threat. But if you keep your new opposite sex friend a secret cuz your partner would flip if he knew you were IMing, texting, calling, secretly dreaming about him, then there's nothing platonic about it - you just can't do anything about it...at the moment. Well, without getting caught that is ;)

Now, I know you all think that this is a jaded view of platonic friendship. And I'm sure cases of platonic friendships exist...somewhere. :-) All I know is that out of my experiences, and those of my close friends, we've all tried (at least once) to have the very close, strictly platonic friend thing - only for someone to catch feelings, flirt, have one night of drinking or crying on a shoulder, resulting in some very...uh...“unplatonic” things happening. But hey, that's just me. Not saying platonic friends don't exist, but then again, when was the last time you saw a unicorn? ;-)

-b

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

And Happy TMI Tuesday!

I'm going to apologize in advance if my blog is all over the place. I'm a little loopy from lack of good sleep and giving blood this morning. I always feel good after I give blood though - I may potentially save three lives with my donation today. So if the sight of needles doesn't make you dizzy, contact your local American Red Cross to find out how you can donate and possibly save a life.

That was my good deed for the day...now onto the topic at hand.

Since it's TMI Tuesday, I thought I'd share a lil somethin' with you guys. I have wet dreams. There, I said it. Not often, but I do. I dream so vividly that, well...let's just say I don't need any manual stimulation to...uh...release :-) It's all in my head, my subconscious self.

Yeah, I know right...TMI? Oh well.

But if I'm sexually deprived, frustrated, or even overstimulated - sex is no longer my subconscience - it's my SUPER conscience. As a very sexual being, I find that once I try to suppress my libido, or not give into it, my creative mind takes over and an element in me loses control over all my mental powers - my mind becomes a playground :)

Without provocation, erotics dreams take center stage. It has caused me to wake up to wet sheets and sticky thighs, heart pounding, mind racing and the cat looking at me like I'm an alien :-) I dream in full Technicolor and Dolby surround sound. No detail is fuzzy, and the sexual desires that I own are so natural to me that they're deeply embedded in my psyche, and it's like my dreams give way to a cleansing process.

Now, of course you all don't need to hear the very intimate details first-hand of my wet dream experiences, but I wonder what is the exact nature of the relationship between the so-called most base and the highest drive in human beings and our subconscious minds. There is definitely a link. We are bombarded with sexual content from print and advertisement media, TV , the Net - all over, which all can make people wonder that there must be more to it than we're getting. In this culture, I wonder if this constant reminder of sex makes us feel more unfulfilled than we actually are, or if the constant bombardment of super sex is a reflection of our natural selves. After all, sex is a very powerful drive. Can we ever get enough? Is there such a thing?

For me, it is, at times, an overpowering force that could rise out of nowhere and completely capture my attention. I can't and won't deny it, and it's always a mistake to underestimate its overwhelming power to create a delusion that the sexual instinct doesn't exist. But, as most women do, I long to have a romantic attachment to it. For most women, sex usually means bearing the emotional intensity and personal focus that goes along with it; and while the physical yearning is being addressed, the romantic impulse is usually left unfulfilled.

Knowing this, I try to suppress it, and I think my urges become an annoying distraction since there is no special union to share them with. So my dreams give way and I'm able to conserve the sexual energy that I would have spent on a non-fulfilling, non-romantical (I was looking for a reason to use Pretty Ricky's word) encounter.

Hey, not saying that everyone should suppress their urges...not saying that at all, do you! But for me, if there's no outlet, this is simply what happens to ME.

Now, all of this may sound like a scientific way of looking at wet dreams, but there are religions that speak to conserving sexual energy, sex and spirituality, sex and philosophy as well as modern medicine. Some find it fascinating that I can have the type of dreams where I feel everything, even if I'm not being touched; that my mind is so strong that it actually "liberates" me of any feelings of lust or cravings.

But I think it's something that we ALL can do, if we tap into it. While I don't think it's a special talent, I do think it should be celebrated. Chaturvedi Badrinath, an Indian journalist who specializes in spiritual/religious writing says, "sex can be transmuted into the highest form of spiritual energy. That can be done neither by confining sexuality within an arbitrary social order, nor by renouncing it, but by utmost submission to it. The cosmic energy stored in human sexuality can be released into human consciousness."

So there you have it. Nothing special. Nothing freaky. It all quite makes sense. I've given away the secret to my special talent :-) It's my brain's way of scratching an itch that simply needs to be scratched. Not subconscious, not super conscious, no higher, no lower - just is what it is. My wet dreams, de-mystified. Poof! done :)

-b

Happy dreary Monday everyone!

I could go right back to sleep y'all. I'm tired as hell. I was contemplating just asking a trivia question or try to find a guest blogger for today because I'm too tired to think. But as I was going through the motions trying to do some work and IMing in between, somehow a friend and I got on the topic of sex. He told me how he faked it one time cuz the girl was wack...and that woke me right up! I cracked up to myself because I tried to imagine him faking it..."UGGGHHHHHHHH" is what he said he did...and tears streamed down my face I laughed so hard :-)

But then I thought - how did she not know? I mean, I HOPE no guy has ever faked it with me...but could it really have happened and I was oblivious to it? How can a woman NOT know? Do any of you ever watch the CW's The Game? When my friend told me he faked it, I immediately thought of that show and Derwin faking a "that's what's up" :) Forward to 1:10.



So wow, men really fake it huh? I guess they can get tired of all that bumpin and grindin too, especially if they're doing all the work. Maybe he had a long day at work. Maybe he's sick. Maybe he's in a funky mood. It occurred to me that a man would fake an orgasm for all the same reasons a woman would - he either just wants to get it over with - or the sex is wack!

Now, while the idea of sex may never get old, the idea of actually doing it for hours on end might. So, men being men may have no problem having sex, or initiating sex - he just may not be as into it as she is. He might want to go through the motions and just not cum. Who knew???!!!

And, in the case of my friend, if the sex is wack, he may want to get it over with but not hurt her feelings. I know plenty of women who have told me that is the main reason they fake orgasms. Not because they were tired. Not because they had a headache. But because dude was wack! Same logic applies right?

Performance anxiety is something we typically associate with men. After all, it's hard for a woman to be "bad" in bed right? All she has to do is lay there...right?

WRONG!

Apparently a "dead fish" will make a man fake it in a heartbeat. But what else makes a woman bad in bed? Men - tell us, so we know what NOT to do. Women can give you a whole list of reasons why a man would be bad in bed - 2 minute brotha, too small, too big, too fast, not fast enough, breath stinks, you name it. But I'm curious to find out from a man what would make us so bad that you'd fake an orgasm.

My boy told me that he faked it complete with sound effects and everything. "OHH, OOH, UGGGH!!!" And the Oscar goes to...!

Every time I think of that I laugh - but if a dude is faking it with you, it's really not that funny now is it? Again I ask - how could a woman not know? I guess a man's best supporting actor would be the condom, cuz a man can just pretend he came in the Magnum, jump up and quickly dispose of it without us ever knowing. But don't you feel muscles contracting or something? Can a man fake that too? Or is it that we're so self-centered or happy that we think we pleased him that we're too busy to notice? Please brothas, break it down for me!

I don't even want to wonder if anyone has ever faked it with me. I hope not. But it seems maybe we women put too much pressure on the man to either not cum too soon, or not last too long. After all, marathon sex can be painful, tiresome or just plain time consuming. The condom dries up, friction makes you raw, your leg is cramping up, Lost is about to start, and hell, I gotta be at work in a few hours. And I'm saying these are his thoughts, not yours! LOL! Hey, apparently these things happen!

Women, admit it - the orgasm matters to us. If he doesn't cum, we'd wonder why he didn't and what we did, or DIDN'T do, that we didn't please him. If he knows this about us, that just may prompt him to fake it so we don't harass him about why he didn't cum. He may just want to stop cuz the game is starting and resume gettin busy later...who knows. Don't make yourself crazy or blame yourself - just as long as you don't suspect he's faking it over and over again, it's all good. And hey, if he's being nice enough to wait til you get yours - even better :-)

But women take note - if his normal cross-eyed, screw face that he makes every time he cums doesn't look quite right, like how he always does when you make his toes curl, then something may be off...especially if he says, "it's not always alot" or "this was a little one." He might just be fakin the spunk, I mean "funk" LOL :-)

-b

TGIF!!!

This week seemed to FLY by to me! I hope you all had a productive week, and I hope will have an even better weekend!

So, yesterday Rameer mentioned that he had gone out and spoken to a group of young girls about self respect. I think it's one thing to hear from our mothers, grandmothers and sister-friends about self respect, but it's quite another to get a man's perspective. I was so impressed that Rameer took the time to do this, because our young girls need to learn more than ever that they are more than their bodies and their sexuality. They should know their worth, know that they are beautiful, and know that they are God's children.

Last night as I browsed through my friends' status updates, links and photos on Facebook, I clicked on a link from TheFrisky.com that featured Michelle Obama. In the story, she was quoted from People Magazine:

"I had a father and a brother who thought I was beautiful, and they made me feel that way every single day," says Obama, 45. "I grew up with very strong male role models who thought I was smart and fast and funny, so I heard that a lot. I know that there are many young girls who don’t hear it."

Good parenting - especially the love, support and encouragement she received from her father - helped her to become the intelligent, beautiful, confident woman, wife, mother and First Lady that she is today.

This morning as I signed into email and Blogger to post my blog for today, I received my daily notice from Makes Me Wanna Holler - E. Payne's blog about family, being a husband and a father. The title of his post for today was Father Involvement, so of course I had to read it since it seems that between yesterday and today, that seems to be the recurring theme. He posted a video of a commercial I'm sure you've all seen before, but I love it...so I'm posting it again.



The first time I saw that commercial, I laughed...and then got very emotional. While I knew my father and spent time with him and his side of the family growing up, I didn't grow up with him in my home on a daily basis. My parents divorced when I was 12 years old, but were separated for years before then. My dad always told me I was beautiful and smart, but the daily encouragement and love that allowed me to love myself came from my mother. She told me that I was smart, beautiful and worthy everyday. She always said I could do anything...and I believed her. She was always there to listen to me as I read my essays and reports to her. She stayed up with me doing homework that she didn't quite understand; and she was there front and center at all of my awards ceremonies - ever the proud mother. She did the same for my sister. A day never went by where she didn't tell us how much she loved us. She does this still.

But TWO parents telling you that everyday - a mother AND a father? How powerful that is! If you had/have that in your life, you're truly blessed. I'm not just talking about two people living under the same roof who happen to be married with kids. I'm talking about two people who take a vested interest in raising their children to feel loved, to be encouraged, to feel like they matter and who validate their existence everyday. Being a parent is more than conceiving a child and putting clothes on their back. It's about shaping a mind, cultivating a spirit and loving unconditionally.

And it doesn't stop at parenting. Like Rameer, you can "parent" by mentoring - to both young girls AND young boys. To whom much is given, much is required. Share your heart, your time and your knowledge and wisdom with a young person who may need encouragement and love. You have no idea how much you can change a life simply by giving of yourself.

While I could have waited to write this blog for Father's Day, I feel the urgency is now. If you are a parent, soon will be, would like to be one day or are a mentor, the responsibility is great - but the rewards are ten times greater!

Have a great weekend!

-b