Brookey's Cafe Blog

Hey y'all!!

Today is my last day of work until the new year and I'm so happy it's finally here! I've been feeling burnt out lately, so I will thoroughly enjoy this break. However, I will still be blogging while I'm away - just not sure how often - so please send me any alternate email addresses you want me to forward the blog to - (brookeybaby73@yahoo.com) Thanks!

Okay! Here is Liz's video blog in case you missed it yesterday.



Liz, no worries! You're back on track and that's all that matters!

Now, onto Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Sometimes my cat snores like a grown ass man.
- I'm dreading working late tonight since I'll be gone for 2 weeks and have alot to get done.
- Honey Mag's holiday party last night was so much fun! I had a great time :-)
- ahem...I should say I had a great time even though Dre and Rene were messing with me the whole night. All I can say is Dre has a slick mouf (yes, I said MOUF!) and Rene, stop it! My finger was bleeding and no one offered me a drink while I was tending to my bleeding finger until I said something! Meanwhile, they're drinking mojitos in my face! shady grady!
- Dre finally got my drink...chivalry is not completely dead - SLICK MOUF!
- And no Reggie, I don't drink like that! That bottle of X-Rated wasn't mine! Can someone please confirm for him that I'm not a heavy drinker PLEASE!?
- ....AND you WILL pay for stepping on my Westbrook jersey after throwing it on the floor - TRUST!
- Don't you hate it when people send text messages about you to someone else who is also right there, like you're not even there!?! maybe that just happens to me.
- I can't wait to spend 2 weeks with my family - especially my nephews!
- I love it when Kyce and Brahim laugh uncontrollably or sing the Speed Racer or Curious George song.
- I have 2 things to buy and then I'm done with my Xmas shopping.
- Yesterday, a man on the train was staring at me while he was knitting (yes, I said knitting) and it creeped me out. He was about 60 years old and wouldn't look anywhere else but at me - while knitting a blanket. Spooked me out!
- I have no "good" candy left in my candy jar.
- What the hell are "pepitas?" They're in my cranberry, almond trailmix snack and I can't figure out what they are. I eat them tho! LOL!
- I have to do a sudoku puzzle every night before I go to bed. It relaxes me.
- Why can't I keep a scarf on my head at night?
- People send too many requests/invitations on Facebook. I just ignore them all because I get too overwhelmed. And Facebook slows down my computer.
- I have a brand new cell phone that I have yet to use because I can't break from my old one. I have to send the rebate in tho so I can get $100 back!
- The Secret Service was sleeping on G-Dub when dude threw his shoes at him! That worries me. Good reflexes tho! LOL!
- It was so much fun having a guest blogger yesterday, I hope to have another one!
- Speaking of blogs, Ms. Princess is frontin' on her's! Pranny, get on it! You too Nic Nac!

Finally, I had to post this. This girl was SO serious trying to get her "B" on. They start young don't they?? She was too cute! Love her!



If my sister had a daughter, I could SO picture her trying to do that dance! And I'd be the crazy ass auntie with the camera :-)

Okay, your turn!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

Today I'm going to switch things up a bit - I have a GUEST BLOGGER!!! He goes by the name of Maliek Ball and he's a fellow Syracuse Alum, a fellow Philadelphian and just a straight up, cool ass dude! He's also Rene The Harlemite's frat brother, so maybe Rene will be first to comment today (after me of course!) Liz posted a video blog, so feel free to check it out today, or you can wait until tomorrow when I include it for Random Thoughts Thursday. But today, the blog belongs to Maliek!

Introducing Maliek!



I just want to know some other people’s views and opinions on this topic:

To me, it seems increasingly harder to get to know someone of the opposite sex these days. I have had conversations with many of my male friends and female friends alike, and I notice some of the same stereotypes rearing their ugly heads in several of these conversations.

When I speak to some of my male friends, I hear things such as: Women only want me for my dough; women say they want a good man but they always go after the thug or the bad boy; women play more games than men - they just hide it better; women say they know what they want but they really don’t; women are crazy...I could go on all day.

When I speak to some of my female friends, I hear things such as: Men are dogs (all men cheat); men are immature; men are liars; men only want me for one thing; men aren’t strong enough to handle a strong woman; I make "X" amount a year and the men I meet don’t...again, I could go on all day.

Some things that I started to realize from my own personal experiences and from the experiences of others is that men and women have these preconceived notions that build these walls. It’s these walls that don’t allow us to get to know the opposite sex. It’s these walls that don’t allow many men to open up about anything on their minds for fear of getting played and looking like a fool in front of his boys. (That’s a whole other problem unto itself) It’s these walls that are not allowing many women to see the man in front of them, but instead they are seeing the man that they know is going to mess up on them sooner or later. Then we end up doing stupid things like frontin’ when we are with our boys, or letting our girls know about every detail in our relationship and allowing them to help dictate our next move. (An overwhelming majority of the time, that advice is, “You don’t need him.”)

What that does is this: IT DOESN’T ALLOW US TO BE HUMAN. That’s what we are - we are human. We are going to make mistakes. We all have stories of people we know that will walk away from a potential relationship or current relationship over the silliest things. Relationships take work. It isn’t a fairytale. You get out of it what you put in. You will get even less out of dating someone if you are barely putting anything in for that dating period to flourish. All I’m saying is this, it’s time for us let these walls down just a bit if you truly want to be happy in your dating life or relationship. We are all afraid of getting hurt. Unfortunately that can and does happen, but you will never truly find happiness if you aren’t willing to open yourself up to it. Fellas, get to know her for her and don’t believe she is just like the woman that was in a bad relationship with your boy and ended up on Maury. Women, get to know him for him and don’t believe that he is the guy that is trying to sleep with every woman he sees. I’m not saying that it’s going to work out your very next time around, but if you open up, your next story may be, “We went to Jared!!!”

Maliek Ball

(E-A-G-L-E-S...GO EAGLES!!!)

Hey everyone,

I can't wait for this week to be over...which will be Thursday for me. I'm working my tail off with no end in sight! I think they know I'm going to be away for 2 weeks and they're trying to find any and everything for me to do! UGGHH!!!

But hey, in this economy, I'm happy to have a job. Everyone here is complaining about not getting a holiday bonus this year when they should be thanking God they have a job to come into at all. I know they depend on that bonus to buy gifts for loved ones, but you'd have to be living under a rock to know that hard times are hitting everyone. Your loved ones should understand if you can't spend a grip on them this year...or even spend anything on them at all. Gifts should be given from the heart and received with appreciation, no matter the amount spent. However, I understand that some of you may need help in coming up with thoughtful, creative, yet inexpensive gifts this season. That is why I'm asking you to give your input once again on a blog idea - Great gift ideas for under $50. Please send me your suggestions and I'll post them in an upcoming blog - most likely Friday (brookeybaby73@yahoo.com).

Now, some of you buy for the same people every year, so gift ideas may come easier for you. But some of you may have a new "special friend," and you're now wondering if you should spend your hard earned money on a man or woman you just met. Let's say you've been kickin' it since October, things are going well, and now you're wondering if you should buy him/her a gift. After all, it's only been a couple months, and while you're having a great time, will giving a gift to a new boo send the wrong message? Are there rules? Let's break it down.

First and foremost, if you want to give someone a gift - give it. Plain and simple. Gifts should be given as an expression of your feelings and appreciation for someone, not out of obligation or a sign of great expectations. If you want to give a gift, give one - just don’t expect one in return. Gifts should never be given with the expectation that one will be given in return.

Now, I DO think there are some things that you should take into consideration. How long have you been dating? Is it serious? Are they as into you as you are into them? Do you know how they feels about gift giving in general? Do they even celebrate the holiday? These are all things you must ask yourself first before you head out to the mall.

If they're not as in to you as you are to them, then a gift that has too much meaning or costs too much money could very well spook them. Since you’ve only been dating a short time, I’d suggest a gift that gives you an opportunity to spend more time together, but that does not suggest that you have any lofty ideas about what is going on between the two of you romantically. Some good choices are: a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant or to a local movie theatre, or tickets to a sporting event or play you know he/she wants to see. The key here is to keep the gift thoughtful but not too personal. If they don’t like gift giving, and has expressed that they are short on cash, or don’t celebrate Christmas, then don't go out and buy him/her the latest iPod. Forgo the gift altogether. To give a gift under those circumstances is insensitive and shows a lack of respect for the person's feelings - not the best way to move a relationship forward on good terms.

The important thing for you to remember is that giving a gift does not mean that the relationship is serious, and if moving things to the next level is part of some agenda for giving the gift, then don’t give a gift at all. On the flip side, if they really like you, no gift is going to scare them away. The person may feel uncomfortable if they didn’t get you anything in return, but again, you should let the person know that you don't expect a gift from them - that you just wanted to give a little something to let them know they're appreciated.

My honest opinion - barring some very good reason for their not wanting a gift (like he doesn’t celebrate a winter holiday or she has expressed that she has no money to buy you a gift) - there really is no reason not to give your new sweetheart something. Just choose the gift carefully. Don't make it too personal or too ‘couply’ (is that a word? it is now!), and don't flip out if he/she gives you nothing in return. After all, at 2 months, it’s just as OK to NOT receive a gift as it is to give one. Remember the reason for the season.

-b

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone had a fabulous, relaxing and/or productive weekend! I got a lot accomplished - I put up my tree (thank you Rene), wrapped gifts, got some shopping done and finally got my internet up and running at home.

I had cable, internet and phone installed in my apartment for the first time since moving to NY. I know, I know...you all are thinking I'm crazy to have not gotten all of those services until now. But I have cable, tivo and internet at work and on my blackberry and I use my cell phone for everything so I don't need a landline. But, I was told at work that I don't watch enough tv (go figure) and blogging at work is becoming a bit counterproductive - thus now internet at home.

Last weekend, the cable guy couldn't install my internet modem correctly, so I had to have someone else come back out to fix it this past Saturday. Clad in sweatpants, an Eagles jersey and a scarf on my head, I opened the door to find the cutest cable guy I'd ever seen. He was about 6 feet tall, had a build like Shawn from Boyz II Men and had dimples deep enough to drink hot cocoa from. But I shook it off, cuz after all, it's the cable guy and you just don't try to bag the cable guy.

So he's fixing my internet, light conversation. He's kinda shy. We start talking about Cadillac Records, which I saw on Friday with Amanda. He tells me how he loves Beyonce and has the same birthday as Jay-Z - he just turned 25. Awwwww :-)

But he said his music taste runs deeper than B. He says to me, "Anita Baker is playing on Valentine's Day, so I have to get tickets." A 25 year old man who loves Anita Baker? Hmmm...his girl must be making him do that, so I ask. He promptly lets me know he's single and wants to go by himself...unless he finds a date.

"Well, if you get tickets, I'll be your date." Did I really just say that out loud? Yep...I sure did.

He seems taken back, but he's blushing. "I'll hold you to that" he says. Before he leaves I give him my business card. He shakes my hand, "I'm Rob." He leaves. Did I just bag the cable guy?

I wasn't sure until I came into work this morning to find an email from him telling me how engaging I was, how he admired my initiative, and how he could tell I was a real woman about my business. He said my scarf and sweat pants were "cute."

So, am I a Cougar? Urban Dictionary defines a Cougar this way:

Cougar 1562 up, 498 down
(see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path.

This had me thinking about the Demi Moore's and Mariah Carey's of the world. This is the video that Mariah shot with Nick Cannon where they reportedly fell in love:



Did she bag him? or did he bag her?

When an older man gets with a much younger chick, we either see that as a woman who prefers more mature men, or he's her "Sugar Daddy." But what do we think of when we see 38 year old Mariah Carey with 27 year old Nick Cannon? That it's never going to work? What does she see in him? What does he see in her? She can't find a man her own age? What can they possibly have in common?

Since it's not as common to see older women with much younger men, some of us automatically apply our own perceptions to the situation - some stereotypical, some biased. Demi and Ashton are still going strong. It CAN work.

But I think it works when the woman is confident in herself, open to whatever life brings, is non-judgmental and just willing to have a good time. The younger man can be more mature than her same-age counterparts. He may be more adventurous, more open or more fun. Maybe he's not yet jaded to dating and relationships and isn't looking at all women as predators who just want to get married and have your snotty nosed, rusty behind babies. He just wants to have fun and make her smile - and maybe learn a thing or two :-)

Hey, you never know until you try it at least once right? No one is talking about marrying the cable guy, but I had to step back and wonder if I'd ever even entertain the thought. Me, a Cougar? The idea itself is laughable to me, but it got me to thinking - Women, would you seriously date a MUCH younger man - say 10 years younger? If not, why?

Men, have you ever dated a much older woman when you were in your twenties - bagged by a Cougar? If so, how was your experience?

I can't say that I've dated anyone 10 years younger than me before, but I did find him to be the cutest little thing. I wanted to buy him a short set! LOL! I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts on this. In the meantime, I have an email to reply to ;-)

-b

TGIF!!!

While we're thanking God it's Friday, we should also thank God for the successful surgeries performed on J and his mother yesterday! I got a text from him last night saying they are both doing well. Thank you all for your prayers - J and his mother thank you too!

So, to piggyback off of Wednesday's blog about dating, trading places and who pays for what, my friend Big D charged with the task of asking my women friends - "What would you consider to be a good, cheap date?"

Now, by cheap, he meant a date that costs under $50. Since he believes a man should pay for at least the first 3 dates, he wanted to keep it reasonable - especially living in the NYC. In these economic times, romance shouldn't have to suffer because we're broke or tightening our belts. He also wanted us to provide him with date ideas that were creative and memorable, so the woman wouldn't think he was a HERB for taking her on a cheap date and talking about him behind his back to all her girls!

This must be on everyone's mind, which is why Time Out New York Magazine recently published an issue they called "The Singles Issue." (Dec. 4-10, 2008, issue 688) On the cover in big, bold letters reads "CHEAP DATES." The mag highlights free and/or cheap events throughout the city and how to have fun under $50 - PERFECT for Big D and the dudes who want to treat a lady to a nice date (...and maybe even get lucky in the process). New York Magazine also highlighted 15 dates under $60. One click on a Google search can land you on site that provides countless ideas for fun, inexpensive adventures in your city. All you have to do is plan.

But, Big D asked me to ask MY friends what they'd consider a good, cheap date - and I do what I say I'm gonna do - so here are some of the responses I got back from my fabulous female friends!
________________________________________________________

* Something fun, interesting and definitely affordable - the “BODIES THE EXHIBITION” at the South Street Seaport Adults: $26.50 during the week and weekends just $27.50.
- Leesa

* Sunday Brunch. Picking up some food and sitting on the Harlem Meer at the top of Central Park. SEA in Williamsburg (yummy & inexpensive). Ordering in Thai, enjoying each other's company. Any museum and diner grub afterwards.
- Tanisha

* Maybe a nice museum exhibit. I believe most museums are free. They just ask for a small donation. Then the rest of the money could be spent on the dinner.
- Nikachi

* A trip on the Staten Island Ferry, with a picnic in the park. Or listening to live music. Escaping to a roof top to watch the stars as he pulls out a bottle of wine, chocolates and small dessert cakes.
- Nikki

And Liz had a bunch of suggestions! Here's what she had to say:

"Well, my first date with Leo, was MAD CHEAP, but sweet! We went to the pier in Queens overlooking Manhattan and talked for awhile. It was winter and COLD, but so nice."

* Bowling is good. Pool is also not expensive if you go to the right place.
* Most museums are “suggested” in their prices and she’ll think he’s cultured.
* Karaoke can be inexpensive. (but that’s only fun with a lot of people)
* There are poetry lounge spots throughout BK that are MAD cheap and he can even go up and spout something. (she’d be impressed at that)
* Orchard street has a free walking tour.
* Ice skating in Bryant Park is free if you already have ice skates, otherwise you just have to pay for the skate rental.
* Carnegie Hall has a limited number of partial view seats that are only $10. He can always say that those were the last seats and he really wanted to take her there!
* If he knows any students, there are ALWAYS deep discounted tickets for virtually all shows in NYC.
* There are TONS of free reading all over the city (besides Barnes & Noble) and again, she may think he’s cultured!
* Cantor Film Center at NYU - you don't have to be a student to get into some of the free screenings. But you do need to call ahead.
* Deutsches Haus regularly holds free screenings of German films. They are usually on Fridays, but call ahead or check the website for schedules.
* MoMA Film and Media Exhibitions Film screenings at MoMA are free with admission to the museum - but on Fridays between 4 and 8, admission is free too!
* Sony Wonder Technology Lab - reservations must be made the Monday before the screening which is held on Saturday at 2, but I heard that this museum shows popular Hollywood releases for free. (I haven’t actually been to this one but I’m sure if he calls ahead he can find out more info)

Whew! Liz is the expert!

I hope that helps you out Big D! Maybe you can try any of these this weekend. Let us know how it goes!

Have a great weekend everyone. Stay warm!

-b

Hey everyone,

You know what it is - Random Thoughts Thursday!

But before we begin, I would like for you all to send up some prayers for a friend of mine. I'll call him J since I'm not sure he'd want me to give his name, but he is having major surgery today. He's giving one of his kidneys to his mother who is dying of kidney failure. His courage, love for his mother and faith in God leaves me in awe of his act of selflessness. I know that he is afraid, but his faith is strong. There is no time, no place, no state where God is absent. Love casts out all fear, and the love he has for his mother will bring them both through. When we are stricken by sickness or disease, it's easy to let fear become the master of your life. J is a shining example that greater than fear is love. When we feel afraid, that's when we should ask God to come into our lives at every moment - ask God to speak to us, to act through us and to let go and trust Him. God answers all prayers. The Old Testament says "Be still and know that I am God." Be still, close your eyes, and whisper a prayer for J and his mother. Amen.

Now, onto Random Thoughts Thursday.

A couple days ago, Ms. Princess made reference to "Poor Lil Tink Tink" from Katt Williams' "Pimpin Pimpin." Well, I didn't know what she was talking about - which is absurd considering she and I are always in sync when it comes to movies, comedies, etc. So of course you know I had to look it up on YouTube....HILARIOUS! For Pranny:



Whew! okay...had to get that out :-)

Some random thoughts I've had so far today:

- It's freezing in my building today!
- Unless you're Diddy, men should not wear fur...talk about looking like a pimp. Don't rock the beaver! PLEASE!
- Also, I can't stand when men sport a baldy and have a beard with no mustache.
- I can't wait to be a part of Honey Mag online's Hivespot - I will tell you all more about that later.
- I'm going to try to stop drinking Snapple over the Xmas break, I'm ADDICTED!
- This whole situation with the governor of Illinois and Jesse Jackson, Jr. is buffoonery.
- I can't stand when people pronounce the "s" in Illinois.
- Oprah shouldn't be so hard on herself for gaining back her weight...but I get it.
- Is it worth putting up a Xmas tree, even if I'm only going to look at it for a week since I'll be in Philly the rest of the time?
- I'm finally going to see Cadillac Records tonight.

Okay, you know the drill. Chime in with your random thoughts for today and let's make it fun, as always!

Peace and hairgrease my peoples!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

So I'm looking for something to wear on this balmy Wednesday listening to the radio like I do every morning, and I hear the song "Trading Places" by Usher. He's my guilty pleasure, but I never really listened to the lyrics before - so I honed in and paid attention to what he was actually singing about.



Now we gonna do this thing a lil different tonight
U gonna come over and pick me up in your ride
U gon knock and then u gon wait
Ooo u gon take me on a date
U gonna open my door and ima reach over and open yours
Gon pay for dinner take me to see a movie
And whisper in my ear I bet you really wanna do me

Awwww sookie sookie now! I'd take his sexy ass on a date ANY day :-)

But the song made me think about the traditional roles we play in dating and our relationships. The song implies that the man traditionally is the one doing the courting and the woman is a passive participant in the process. And most of the women I know prefer it that way. Is that being a feminist? Traditional?

Most women I know would never take a man on a first date. They believe the man should pay for dinner. He should pick her up. They NEVER call first and he'd better open the door for her and pull out her chair or else!

These same women are successful and want a fabulous career that pays them the big bucks. They believe unequal pay for equal work is straight bullsh*t! They want to rise to the top and rule the world like Hillary Clinton one day.

But her man?...he better be getting paid more. They want their man to "be a man." He can't be feminine or play a "woman's role." And Lord knows she better not EVER see him cry.

Feminist? Traditional?

These same women would balk at the idea of staying home barefoot and pregnant. They want careers. They want to vacation with their girlfriends. They want to see the world. But if a man asked them to treat them to a night out or take them on an amazing vacation, they'd think he was a punk. Cheap. Is he crazy? Oh hell no!

So...is that being a feminist? Traditional?

Can we have it both ways? If a man said "you play the girl," would we look at him like he's a misogynist, even though we say we want the man to "be the man?" Is it a double standard? How do we find balance?

I know men who would LOVE it if a woman took over every once in a while. They'd love it if a woman said "babe, I got this" or said "get dressed, I'm coming over to get your sexy ass and take you out." They'd eat that UP!

Women - would you ever do as Usher suggests and "trade places" - pick a man up, take him on a date and then try to seduce him at the end of the night?

I'm always on the top tonight I'm on the bottom
Cause we trading places
When I cant take no more, tell me you ain't stopping
Cause we trading places
Now put it on me baby till I say Oooo weee
And tell me to shut up before the neighbors hear me
This is how it feels when you do it like me

Men - would you like it if a woman took over "your" role as far as being courted in a relationship or do you feel like she'd be taking away "the chase?" Is this something you'd only enjoy AFTER you've established a relationship?

I'll be waking u up to a cup of Folgers
Pancakes and eggs I owe ya breakfast in bed, oh baby
And your orange juice sitting on the coaster
Toast on the side baby strawberry and grape jelly

I personally love it when a man makes me breakfast in bed - especially if it's because he's showing his gratitude for being taken care of....well. ;-)

Know what I think? I think there are no rules anymore.

1. Anyone can ask for a date! (women, we can do the asking too)

2. It’s not a date until it’s obviously a date. Just because a man invites a woman to a movie (or vice versa) doesn’t mean he's trying to romance you. If it’s not clear from the start, watch each others’ body language. Is he sitting closer than he needs to? Does she touch my arm when she’s making a point?

3. No one knows who’s supposed to pay. Many men still feel that a gentleman always picks up the check, but some men resent having to pay. Additionally, some women are insulted at the implication they can’t take care of themselves. In the end, most people go with what makes them comfortable, and try not to be angry or insulted if the other person gets it “wrong.”

4. Short first dates are fine. With so many people meeting over the Internet, a short coffee date can be a good idea. It gives both people a chance to decide if they want to go out on a “real” date another time.

5. A date can be anything! These days, there’s no reason you have to go out to dinner and a movie if neither of you likes restaurants and there’s nothing playing that you want to see. Go ahead and plan something you’ll both enjoy.

Stay tuned for part 2
You been me I been u
But we gon switch this thing back
Ima put it on your ass

-b